>Be anon, turning 25 this year.
>Step out onto veranda with your fresh cup of coffee.
>You look over the vast expanse of your quiet, isolated home.
>It's a wonderfully temperate morning, time to do the gardening.
>You make your way down the stairs, through your house, and to the back door.
>And you exit into the small, fenced backyard of your countryside home and breathe in the fresh, grassy scent of your colorful garden against the light blue house.
>A sweet little German Shepherd comes to greet you, and you pet the doggie.
>You pick up the metallic watering can near your feet, it's light and empty.
”Time to fill 'er up.”
>You walk over to the small well, which is sturdy and well-built. You're very proud of it.
>Sadie, the dogger, follows you as you make your way across the dew-damp yard.
>You begin turning the winch to raise the heavy bucket, seems like it's a little stuck this time.
>You walk around it to the opening and tug on the rope, and it breaks off the winch.
>Fug
>Sadie nudges your leg and you lose your balance...
>...Falling forward into the deep well. Oh shit.

>You attempt to stop yourself on the damp mud of the tight, deep, and moist hole.
>It's no use! You're falling in.
>Dirt falls on you as you barely slow your decent.
>These could very well be your last words.
>You take a quick, deep breath...
“HITLER DID NOTHING WRRRROOOOONNNGG!”
>It's over, you've made your peace as a single bachelor with successful career in boxing.
>You wish you could have posted on /b/ one last time...
>...........

>But you're not stopping. You just keep falling.
>It doesn't make any sense.
>You've been falling in a hole that's 3 and a half feet wide for 2 minutes now.
>Your arms are scraped horrendously from the friction.
>But you hear the air in the tunnel raising pitch.
>You might taste sweet death after all.
>In seconds, you see light from below you and you can't look where you're falling.
>SPLASH!
>You land feet first into cold water, and but when you end up submerged, your sense of gravity is upside down.
>You swim up, but there's hard ice from where you fell!
>You flip around and swim down the other way.
>...Which feels like you're swimming up.
>You see a clear surface!
“Haaaaaaaaa!”
>You're left panting, but you're alive and breathing air again.
>And it appears you're in a cave.

>Milky stalactites hang above, and there are lanterns dimly lighting the area.
“Whoa? Where am I?”
>You look around and you're in a small pool, and you climb out onto solid ground.
>You look back where you fell into, the water's surface is reflective like a mirror.
>And finally notice the sign next to it, with dingy white paint. 
>[Mirror Pool]
>How creative.
>Your clothes are soaked in cold water, you have to take them off.
>Thus, you begin peeling off your dirty red t-shirt and brown pants.
>At least the pants won't be discolored.
>But as you remove your soaked boxers, you hear a clacking sounds echo from afar.
>You're frightened for sure, but you're confident you can handle whatever might be coming.
>... Clop. Clop. Clop.
>What the fuck, is that a horse?
>The horse sounds get closer, and you're in your signature boxing stance.
>You're scared, confused, and on the edge of laughing from the thought of a horse possible coming around the corner of the lit path of the cave.

>The shadow approaches, and you hustle, fists up, toward the strange creature.
”HAAAAAA!!”
>You nail whatever is coming.
>It hits the wall and looks at you.
>It's... a blue miniature horse?
>The creature cries out and a loud, and human-like voice.
>”OH MY GOD, THAT NAKED GORILLA STRUCK ME!! WAHHH!!”
>He wails like an manchild.
>And continues for 3 minutes as you watch him, wide-eyed and confused.
>You hear 2 other sets of clopping feet coming in your direction.
>”Deep Delver! Are you okay!?” They shout, coming into view.
>You stand there dumbfounded as they are.
>It's like somebody dyed talking ponies in different colors and drew on their butts, then dressed them up.
>Whatthefuck.jpg
>The one on the left is yellow-green with a goldenrod colored mane, you figure it's male by stature.
>Because the one on the right is smaller, cuter, and white with a ice-blue mane. It's got a swirly horn on its head.
>They look at what you're standing next to, and see the crying infan-- pony next to you.
>They begin tearing up, and start cowering backwards.
>”What is that thing? It's naked, bald, and has some kind of wingus!”
> “S-s-stun him, he must be dangerous!”
>Suddenly the horn on the white one glows in a blue hue, and flashes.
>BAM!
>You're on your back like you took a knock-out blow to the head from Keith Thurman.

>But you're used to this.
>You didn't earn bronze in the World Boxing Championship for nothing.
>You stagger and try to lift yourself off the ground.
>The horse-things are clearly horrified that didn't work.
>But the female pony's horn flashes again before you can react.
>”AAAAAAAHHH!”
>She screams and another dart hits me straight in the forehead, putting me out for good.
>.........

>You wake up, naked and a sore back laying on a delightfully soft bed.
>It's not the cave, it's a steel interior. You rise to find that you're on a cot in what appears to be a jail cell.
>It's a simple room, but it looks quite comfy.
>Before you ponder why you're here, keys jangle outside and the steel door opens with a click.
>A lavender, bulky pony creature with navy colored hair, a beard, sunglasses, and a police uniform walks in.
>You thought that the cave horses were a dream, and you were drunk off your ass last night.
>Pokerface.jpg
>”Oy, you's the ape that hurt Delver, right? What's yer name?”
>He's got a thick accent and a deep voice.
>It sounds Italian, and it's so funny that you're trying hard not to burst into treats.
”Err... my name is Anonymous. You can call me Anon.”
>The scruffy, purple dude replies casually.
>”Dat's a weird name, what are yous anyway?”
>He pulls out a small notepad from his breast pocket, and deftly writes pen-in-mouth while holding the notepad with a hoof.
>You're impressed, but you try not to seem like it.
>”I'm a human. Never seen one before?”
>He replies rather bluntly. “I'll be askin' da questions. A /hughman/ you say?”
>”Umm...Something like that.”

”So, what am I in here for exactly?”
>He shudders at your question.
>”You don't rememba? Yous hit a stallion so hard, he's gonna be the hospital fa months!”
>”For months? Oh please, that wasn't even a third of what I could have done. I've broken jaws and ribs with my punches.”
>”W-w-wait right there.”
>He is officially scared now.
>You are officially scared now.
>Obviously, you said too much, and now you hear chatter beyond the door.
>A sliding panel on the door opens and you see Mr. Shades peering in.
>”I'm gonna be a while, just uhh... wait patiently, okay?”
>The open panel slams and you hear him galloping away.
>Shit, this doesn't sound good.

>You are Basil Pasta.
>A beefy guy who loves his Grandmama's lasagna and working at the Ponyville Police Department.
>Today's probably the worst day of your life.
>A strange creature called a hughman has hospitalized one of your friends.
>He's nuts!
>ButwhatamIsupposedtodoabouddit.png
>He's clearly a threat to Equestria, nobody has ever heard a creature that is mean enough to do that kind of damage.
>You're going to write Celestia about this, it's too big for anypony else to handle.
>You gallop through the busy office toward the notary.
>And you run into the notary office, but compose yourself before you yell out orders again.
>It's bad habit of yours, Grandmama says you're just too passionate is all.
”Runny Ink, I need ya to type up a top-priority doc to Celestia immediately! It's an emergency!”
>The mare in a mellow yellow button-up shirt hops down into the typewriter desk chair. It's the center of the square room lined with filing cabinets.
>”Ready to go, sir!” The young, but experienced employee replies giddily.
>She rarely gets a chance to do real work like this, she must be excited.
”Princess Celestia, you're urgently requested at the Ponyville PD--”
>The typewriter clacks loudly as you continue to address the mare.
”--A hughman has been detained for extreme acts of violence against another civilian. He is volatile, aggressive, and intelligent.”
”Please help as immediately as possible, we are unsure how long he can be contained.”
>You finish, and she formats the rest, removing it from the typewriter, rolling it, and sealing it.
>”What should I do with it sir?”
”Send it to dat egghead Twilight, she should be at the castle. Inform her of the situation”
>With that, you leave the notary and make your way back to the overnight cell.
>You can't risk that hughman getting on the loose.

>You're Naked and Afraid, so you're Anon.
>The steel room is making you rather cold, and you just wish you had some pants at least.
>You'll ask Pizza Italiano when we walks back in, you suppose.
>Not a second later, he bursts in panting and in a sweat.
>”I-is everythin' okay, Anon?”
>He's asking you that?
”I could use some clothes, it's rather cold in here.”
>He eases up slightly. “Oh, I can get you dat, sure.”
>The Purple Italian leaves the room in an orderly fashion for the first time.
>Your anxiety wears off for the most part.
>About five minutes later, he walks in with a black and white striped top and bottom in mouth.
>What is this, 1890?
>He places it on the table and pauses before exiting again.
>”Is that all ya needed?”
”I'm rather hungry, would you happen to have something to eat too?” you politely ask.
>You hope that magical ponies eat food too, or you're going to wish you died falling in that well.
>”Sure! B-be right back.”

>You grab the top and bottom from the small table in the corner of the room.
>You unfold the duds to find that they're awkwardly pony-shaped and you couldn't even try them on if you wanted to.
>”Am I doomed to nudity for as long as I remain here?” You ask yourself.
>You put them back onto the table and wait on your bed for the stallion to return.
>Waiting.
>It's been half an hour, and you're worried again.
>You get up to knock on the door from the inside.
>No answer.
>You raise your hand to do it again, but before you do, the door opens.
>It's pushed so suddenly that you're pushed back,
>And you fall on your tailbone on the steel floor.
”FUCK, I BROKE MY TAILBONE!” you shout in agony.
>You see a huge white pony walk in, as you're writhing on the ground.
>”Heavens, what foul language! I've never heard such vulgarity in my presence before.”
>You shoot her a morbid look.
>”I need a doctor, stop screwing around!” You cannot contain your pain and rage.
>You hear a familiar, bad Italian voice outside the door.
>”Heavens to Celestia, did he just insult da princess?!”
>Princess? Did you just insult a princess of whatever fucking kingdom this is?
>You pray that the gods have mercy on your soul.
>They're not merciful today it seems, as Pastel Pony Princess readies a magic beam at you before you can say “Allahu Akbar”.

>You wake up for the 3rd time now.
>These ponies have knocked you out for the last time, and you're pissed off.
>...But for some reason, your tailbone is healed and you aren't the same prison cell.
>You get up and look around, and see you're in some kind of cave, it's full of pink, glowing crystals the size of Sadie.
>You miss Sadie now, that sweet little dogger.
>And then you remember what happened in the steel room.
”Oh. Shit.”
>They might have sent down here to die, where nobody else can find you.
>”Hey, watch your mouth, newbie!”
>To your surprise, you're not really alone, there is a bubble-gum pink pony with bat wings and a white mane in the far corner, sipping tea at a round table.
>She looks adorable, and her small, thin, and black tail flicks about on her ass.
>She's looking at you with a cute, but angry face.
>You shake the thought of how cute she is, you don't want to get a fetish for bestiality.
”What? Is it that bad of a word?”
>She responds flippantly.
>“Hah? Of course it's bad! Bad enough you got thrown in here. I heard everything from the guard outside.”
“And where exactly is /here/?”
>”Boy, you sure are clueless.” She giggles with a smirk. “This is Tartarus, home to the worst criminals in Equestria.”

>”Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Ebola! Ebola Lovestruck.”
>You begin laughing hysterically at her name. 
“Who names their kid Ebola?”
>You're in tears, it's too funny.
>She is really upset at you now.
>”Oh yeah?! What your name then? I bet it's stupid too!”
”My name's Anonymous, just call me Anon.”
>”What kinda name is Anonymous? Stupid hypocrite.”
>She's tear-eyed, and it makes you feel really bad for her.
”I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed. I've been a little stressed lately.” 
>You say as you walk to her little table.
>You're a tad worried why a cute girl like this is in prison, and feel compelled to ask.
>”So, why are you here?”
>”Hehe... you really want to know?” She gives a devious expression. 
>“I fuck stallions to death.”

”You fuck them to death?”
>”Yeah, I'm a succubus. I have a bad habit of fucking stallions to the point that I drain them of all their energy.”
>You instantly get an erection, and you instantly feel a horrible mix of lust and guilt at the passing thought this hussy raping you to death.
>You're going to need a therapist when you get back from this godforsaken hellhole.
>”Hahaha! What is that? Is that a penis? It's so weird!”
>You almost forget you're naked, and your full-mast cock is staring her right in the face.
”Yeah, well, human penises can outlast stallions.” 
>You're trying to brush off your shyness. It's not working, apparently.
>”Nuh-uh! I bet you wouldn't last ten seconds!”
>Before you could continue this banter, a door opens on the opposite side of the room.
>An ivory pony stands at the door, donning a gold helmet and armour.
>”What exactly are you doing?”
>He sees you with your erect penis about a foot away from her mouth.
”Officer, I swear to god this isn't what it looks like.”
>He gives a smug, dastardly look. “Sure it isn't. Have fun, baldy! Hahahaha!” And he shuts the door, laughing as he walks away.
>You don't know how to feel about what just happened.

>Be Anon, with smug, pink mare giving you a look that says “Well, you heard him.”
>You’re no virgin, but you’re no horsefucker either.
>You don’t even know how horse genitals work.
>Most of all, you’re afraid of smelly, gross poopholes. After all, how do they reach back there?
>”What’s the matter, Anon? Cat got your tongue?”
”Are there cats in Equestria?”
>She’s mad. “What kind of question is that? I’m giving you an invitation to mate!”
>Wow, she’s bold.
”First of all, how do I know that you won’t kill me if I were even to consider it?”
>She rolls her eyes, and goes back to sipping her tea to ignore me.
>Man, you’re really hitting it off with your new cellmate.
>”Why don’t you go get me some more tea? I could do without your presence right now.” She says with obvious irritation.
”Err, explain how I’m supposed to “go get tea” when I’m locked in here. How’d you get that tea set in the first place?”
>”You hughmans must be really dumb. Just walk out, go down the hall to your left, and into the kitchen.”
>She won’t even look at you.
”What the hell? This is a prison, isn’t it?”
>She speaks slowly and rudely, like she believes you’re stupid. 
>“Yes. We are in a prison called Tartarus. On the outskirts of the Everfree forest.”
>You’re getting impatient.
“What kind of prison lets its prisoners walk around freely in the corridors?”
>”What kind of prison doesn’t?”
>She now looks at you confused and pitifully.
>You’re beginning to hate this Suck-ubus.

”So… I can just walk into the kitchen for tea?”
>”YES. JUST GET ME SOME GRASS TEA.”
>You scuttle toward the door with that. You know not to piss off a woman. Or a horse-woman apparently. A horse? A pony?
>You pull the stone handle on the creaky door.
>And walk out into the dim hallway, and see doors along the tunnel and various luminescent crystals gently lighting the path in different colors.
>You noticed the guard standing by the door, he stands like a statue. He couldn’t have not noticed you.
>You ask nervously anyway. 
“Where is the kitchen? Lovestruck asked me to get her tea.”
>In a surprisingly polite manner, he tells you to head left to the third door on the right.
>You thank him with a smile, and he coughs awkwardly as he says “no problem”.
>Following his directions, you head through the cell door into the kitchen, which appears to be of similar dimensions to your cell.
>But it contains a fancy kitchenette, with green marble countertops, and cafe tables on the other side…
>...Which contain all manner of strange creatures like something out of a surreal painting.
>”Outta the way, please.” a dark husky voice rattles you from behind.
>You move forward and out of the doorway, and see the large, horned creature that’s twice your size behind you.
>”Whoa, you’re ugly. What are you?”
>You dispel the urge to retort with “How about you look at yourself in the mirror, tough guy.” on account that he’s a minotaur who looks like he could pull your head off your shoulders.
>You instead reply with “I’m a human. Aren’t there other humans in Equestria?”
>”Not that I know of. You’ll fit right in, buddy.”
>You’re not sure what to make of his last statement, so you just head over to the fine kitchen on the left side of the room.

>Theres an island in front of the kitchen with round seats like a little diner, one small, blue minotaur sits at the edge where you enter the kitchen.
>You pay him no mind as you walk in, and see the black and white tile floor below.
>This is too nice for a prison, you can’t help but think to yourself.
>Another strange creature is stirring a pot of what smells of delicious soup.  He appears to be an amalgamation of 5 or 6 different creatures.
>You’re scared what kind of thing it is.
>”You’ve been staring at me for about a minute now. Am I /that/ amazing?” She says with a smirk on his... goat face?
>He’s wearing a chef hat over some horns, but they stick out pretty obviously.
>”Heeellloooo~? Anybody in there?”
>He’s already in front of you, and pushing the flesh of your cheeks together.
”Oy, hands off.” You tell him as you step back and move his claw and paw.
>”Sorrry! Name’s Discord by the way~. I figure your brain might have fell in your stomach for a moment.”
>This creature is particularly odd.
>”My name is Anon. What are you exactly?”
>You regret your query.
>”OOOH the human is interested in me! I’m a dragonequus, and god of chaos, nice to meet you, friend!”
>A god of chaos? Really? He appears to you to be quite harmless and mortal.
>But something he said struck you as odd.
”Wait, you know what I am?”
>”Of course I know what you are! You silly humans and your bold destruction of nature. I’m really quite proud, you know.”
”Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? I care about the environment!” 
>He’s getting under your skin at this point.
>”Ugh, you’re one of those ‘Hippies’ are you? Gag! Those weirdos don’t have any idea about the joys of chaos.”
”I’m /not/ a hippie.”
>”Now now, don’t get upset. So what are you then?”
”I’m a boxer. I fistfight in a ring for people’s entertainment.”
>He snickers. “Now isn’t that interesting? Humans sure are captivated by violence.”
>You have a feeling you’re not going to get along with this guy, either.

>You nearly forgot what you came in here for.
”Well, Mr. Insult-the-Human-Race, I need to make some “grass tea”. It’s for my succubus roommate.”
>”Oh, I know exactly what you need. Let me get it for you.”
>To your surprise he opens high cabinets with a snap of a finger, and a ceramic yellow jar levitates out of the cabinet.
>Circular, leafy flowers come out of the jar and land inside a prepared teapot.
>He then retrieves parts of a dull clay tea set and puts it together on a tray.
>”I’ll ready up some water, lickity-split!” He says as he fills up a kettle, then puts the tip of the claw in.
>To your amazement, it already boils, and he pours it into the tea pot, and the aroma already wafts about.
>It smells great, but it makes you feel funny too.
>He levitates the complete tray into your open hands.
>”Get her to bring back the other tray, would you? It’s rather /tedious/ getting her to bring it back.”
>You nod and be on your way, since you’d like to avoid talking with him any longer.
>”Yoo-hoo! One last thing!” He calls out before you walk away.
>He teleports by your ear and whispers…
>”I heard you uttered profanity in front of the princess, I would have rather enjoyed that spectacle~” He chuckles with amusement.
>You groan without even looking at him and walk away.
>”Oh, don’t be that way! I just want to be friends is all.” You hear him say as you make your way out the door.

>You find yourself back in your room in front of a… peeved succubus.
>You sit down next to her after placing the tea set.
>And you feel bad because you recall the earlier conversation, and how big of a dick you must have seemed like.
”I’m sorry, Lovestruck. I should have been more receptive and turned you down in a polite and comforting way.”
>She looks into your eyes with a smile.
>”Aww, I forgive you. You’re nicer than I took you for, I’m sorry Anon.”
>She hugs you to your surprise, and you put your arms around her earnestly.
>You become aware of the dizziness this tea is giving you as soon as the two of you part.
”What’s in this tea, anyway? It’s making me a little dizzy and relaxed.”
>She picks up the tea with her hooves, and pours it in the two small cups on the tray.
>It fascinates you for a moment. How do hooves work?
>”This tea is made from a plant called cannabis. Really great stuff! Here have some.”
>She pushes the cup in front of you and you take it.
”Cannabis? Wow, I didn’t know they had this in Equestria.”
>You take a sip of the tea. It tastes fruity and delicious.
“Wait, were you drinking this earlier, Lovestruck?”
>”Yeah, why do you ask?”
“Well, you don’t seem intoxicated in the least.”
>”Why would I be intoxicated?”
“Well, humans get relaxed, giggly, and euphoric when then smoke it. Or drink it. Does it not effect you horses?”
>”I’m not a horse, I’m a pony. Horses live in Saddle Arabia.”
“Oh, to be honest, I know nothing about your people. How about you tell me as we finish this tea? By the time you’re done, I’ll be pretty high.”
>”What is ‘High’? Well, I guess I’ll start with the races of ponykind.”
>She tells you about all kinds of creatures you’d find here, and the way the world works.
>You’re find yourself rather impressed as time goes by, and you begin saying “Wow” and “Whoa” a lot.
>This cannabis tea must be really potent.

“Pffft! So you’re telling me that a pony ‘raises’ the sun? That’s hilarious! Hahahaha!”
>”Um…Anon, that’s how it works. How else is the sun supposed to rise?”
”Gravity pulls planets around the sun. It’s like… you know… a big ball of hydrogen or something.”
>”Anon, is this what it means to be high? You’re pretty incoherent.”
“I’m plenty coherent.. But I am tired... where am I supposed to crash?”
>”There’s a hay bed over there, but there’s only one. I’ll go get another one.”
>You somehow remember what discord told you in your foggy mind.
>”Discord told me to tell you to get… kettle….”
>And you’re out like a light.

>You’re the pink pony with an awful name.
>Anon just passed out on the table before you could even get out of your stool.
>He muttered something about a kettle.
>Oh! You forgot to bring back the tea set, you were so interested in talking with the human.
>You carefully take the tray with your strong, prehensile tail.
>And make your way to the cafeteria.
>……….
>You arrive at the empty room, but see a familiar dragonequus wiping off tables at the far end of the room.
>You set down the tea tray on the island and walk to the only other creature here, who is manipulating multiple towels with magic.
>He obviously knows you here.
>”Well~ isn’t this a pleasant surprise. You almost never bring back the dishes yourself. What’s the occasion?”
>This smooth talker always manages to make you smile. And you appreciate your friendship with him.
“No occasion really. Anon passed out before he could do the chore for me.”
>”Ah, that human. I got a kick out of teasing him a little. Would you mind giving this to him for me?”
“Sure, what are these?”
>He levitates them onto your back for easy access.
>”They’re clothes for the human. Surely you didn’t want everyone in Equestria to see his penis unabashedly swinging about?”
>You laugh at his crude joke.

”How did you make these anyway?”
>”I just took an old uniform and transformed with my magic. This place might inhibit me severely, but I can at least do this much.”
“Thanks Discord. You’re very appreciated here.”
>”Thank you, dear Lovestruck. I don’t think I could have done it without you.”
>You smile at his sweet gesture.
“I should get back to Anon. Where are the haybeds again?”
>”They’re the last door on the right to the great chamber. I appreciate our little talks.”
“Me too. Let’s go for tea again after kitchen hours.”
>”Alright then! Tata~”
>You leave the room behind and hastily make your way to the storage room at the end of the hall.
>You can’t imagine a wood table makes a comfortable pillow.

>You’re Anon, and you woke up shortly after you passed out.
>The room is empty, and one half of your face is painfully red, and you drooled a bit.
>You get up and wipe the drool from your face, you still feel a bit sluggish from the high.
>Just as you dust off your bare ass, and Ebola comes with a large bale of hay with her tail.
“Whoa, that tail looks pretty strong.”
>”It is. I bet I can pin you down with it.” She smirks.
>You’re too tired to retort, however.
”What’s that on your back?” 
>She sets down the hay, presses it, and spreads it out so you can sleep on it.
>”Oh! Discord made you these clothes!”
>She walks over to you and grabs them with her teeth, and handing them to you.
>You unfold them and look, it’s perfectly your size!
>It’s a black and white striped prison uniform.
>Nobody here wears uniforms, so this design must be some kind of joke.
>But Discord took the time to make it for you, so you’ll have to thank him for it.
“I’m surprised he’d do this for me, I brushed him off earlier.”
>”You did? Aww, but he’s really nice you know. He just like to tease everypony. He means no harm.”
“For a god of chaos, he seemed to be strangely benevolent.”
>”Once upon a time, he actually terrorized Equestria. But when the Two Sisters stopped him, they sent him here.”
>”He was a big meanie, even when we met. But I knew that he had some good character. He just needed a push in the right direction is all.”
>You’re really impressed by her.
“Wow, you confronted a big, bad god of chaos, and befriended them? That takes some balls. I like that.”
>”Takes some balls? You humans have some weird expressions.”

>……
>You’re Anon, and you slept well despite the scratchy hay. Your new laundry-scented digs kept you nice and warm, you didn’t awaken in a shiver.
>Ebola is still asleep, you don’t want to wake her.
>You are hungry, and wonder if Discord is in the kitchen.
>You need one or two friends here, admit it.
>So, you head out the door and quietly creak it shut.
>There’s a pep in your step, and you smile at the guard as you walk past him.
>Today’s a great day, and you slept perfectly.
>Going down the hall, you enter the cafeteria. You see a small dragon and a familiar blue minotaur eating what you believe is cereal at the opposite end of the room.
>You see a dragonequus humming as the crackle of food echoes in the room, with the scent of eggs and breakfast foods wafting about.
>You walk to the bar and sit on the round, comfy stool.
“Discord, smells great. What’s cooking?”
>”Oh, you know, the usual. Eggs, vegetarian sausages, french toast. Wait a minute...”
>He turns around, pan in hand. “ANONYMOUS! So glad to see you, champ.”
>You chuckle at his nickname for you.
“Now, I’m not exactly a champ, but I did get pretty close. And by the way, thank you for the clothes. How’d you make them anyway?”

>”Simple really, all you need is magic~”
>Things must be pretty easy when you have magic to help you out.
>You’re curious to hear more about this world.
”There’s all manner of mystical creatures here, it is still a shock to me.”
>”Oh, I imagine so. The human world has few intelligent creatures aside from humans, pretty monotonous if you ask me.”
>He says that as he continues cooking more food, and sets a plate in front of you. Looks delicious and smells divine.
“Thanks, could you tell me about the different intelligent creatures that live in this world? Their cultures and such?”
>”Oh, I definitely could, but wouldn’t it be better to read them for yourself? Surely there’s a bestiary in the library you could read.”
“There’s a library here? Sweet! Man, prison here is actually pretty nice.”
>”How so, Anonymous?”
“Human prisons are pretty brutal. Theres unwarranted violence, solitary confinement cells where people don’t even get out for years on end, and worst of all rape...”
>”WHOA, ANON.” He hushes to a whisper.
>”Everyone here in Equestria is really sensitive. Talk of violence and… rape… are enough to send ponies to a psychologist or mental facility. You have to be careful what you say here.”
>Jesus, you really underestimated this world.
>You noticed the two in the corner give you weird looks, but they must not have heard you.
“Thanks Discord, I probably would have traumatized someone without your warning.”
>”No problem~. Now eat, you don’t want your food to get cold.”
>With that, you chow down on the tasty semi-vegetarian dish.

>You finished the hearty, filling meal.
“Where’s the library, by the way?”
>”Oh, that’s right, you’re new here.” He takes your plate and places it in a bin below the sink.
>”I’ll take you there, no worries.”
“Really? Thanks again, dude.”
>He takes off the apron and walks out of the kitchen. “Shall we?”
>The two of you head out the door together.
>You’re pretty excited to see more of this place.
>Which is pretty odd, since this is supposed to a prison.
>To your surprise, you only walk across the hall to a door a little to the left.
>He opens the door for you, and you walk in.
>It’s a hell of a spectacle for a cave. The entire floor is tiled with black marble. Mahogany shelves that tower to the ceiling.
>Orb-shaped lights hang from the ceiling artistically, and a fireplace glows in an open area with various chairs to the left.
>This is supposed to be a prison library? Gods be damned.
>Discord interrupts your wide-eyed awe.
>”Is this better than a human library, Anon?”
“Y-yes. It’s beautiful.”
>You shed a tear.
>He nudges you. “Well, lets not hang out at the door.”
>And he walks past you to a short long, L-shaped desk with a polished birch countertop on the right.
>”Oh, /you’re/ here, Purplesmart.” He groans.
>Indeed, a purple pony is writing with a quill using unicorn magic onto a long roll of parchment.

>Be Discord, with this normie of a human.
>You’re face-to-face with the Unicorn of Friendship.
>You just can’t stand this uptight bookhorse, not that she isn’t friendly.
>She’s probably autistic, which makes you wonder how she still has more friends than you.
>”Can I help you with something, /discord/” With extra emphasis on your name. She’s quite agitated.
“Why yes you can, actually~. Anonymous here needs a bestiary, he’s from another plane.”
>”Well, it’s actually at the tree-library in Ponyville. I needed it for-- what did you say?”
“This human right here by the name of Anon needs a bestiary.”
>”A HUMAN?! LIKE, A HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS? WHERE IN EQUESTRIA DID YOU FIND HIM?”
>You consider warning Anon out of worry that he might spill the beans on how he insulted Celestia. Straight to her protégé.
>But you refrain, since you’re a God of Chaos, and you’d find it pretty amusing.
>He speaks for himself.
>”I’m not from Equestria. I’m from a place called America.”
>Oh god, he’s done it. Here comes the line of questioning.
>Time to get out of here, before it’s too late.
“Erm, well… I’ll be leaving then, I’ve got breakfasts to make! Tata!”

>You’re scratching your head, you’re most likely Anon.
>Discord poofed out of here before you could even ask why.
>You’re alone with a purple unicorn with stars in her eyes.
>”Y-y-you’ve got to tell me all about your species! I’ve only read it in one or two books of myths! You’re something of a legend!”
“Whoa now, hold on. Humans have invented many things, but we aren’t legendary or rare. There’s 6 or 7 billion of us.”
>”WHAT?! WHERE?”
“Quiet down now, and one question at a time. I have plenty of time. Humans reside in a place called Earth.”
>”What is Earth?”
“It’s a planet in the Milky Way galaxy.”
>”I’ve never heard of it. Considering the nearest habitable planet is light-years away, I don’t understand how you made it here.”
”Don’t ask me either. I fell down a well.”
>”...what?” She cocks her head in skepticism.
“That’s literally how I ended up here. I fell down a well in my world.”
>”You have to be kidding.”

>You’re Anon, trying to persuade a violet unicorn with glasses with your story.
>It’s not working.
>”That doesn’t make any sense. There’s gaping holes in your logic.”
“Of course there is, it’s a well.”
>You really ticked off bookhorse with that pun.
>Her violet face turns a shade of red, but you couldn’t resist.
>”Get out.”
“Aww, don’t be mad.”
>”I don’t want to hear your stupid jokes. I’m busy.”
”What about the bestiary?”
>Purple pony cools down a bit. 
>”Oh, I’m sorry, there is only one copy and I borrowed it for a study project. Mind if I ask why you want it?”
“No problem. I want to understand the folks here, since I don’t know how long it will be until I figure out how to return to earth.”
>Her sour expression turns to one of remorse.
>”Anon, how long does your species live?”
>Her gentle manner of speaking makes you worried.
“Umm… About 85 years on average.”
>She frowns further.
>”That’s about our lifespan… I don’t think you know this, but Tartarus prisoners don’t leave for at least 100 years.”

>You are devastated.
>You may never get to see home again.
>You’ll never get to see your friends again.
>All of your achievements, your goal to get the gold at the Boxing Championship…
>...You’ll never get to experience life back home again.
>But you don’t cry, you’re too prideful to cry in front of somebody else. Especially someone who also looks like they’re about to cry.
>You instead shrug off your pain for the time being, and change the subject.
>”What’s your name? You nor Discord didn’t mention it.”
>”Uh… Oh, it’s Twilight. I’m sorry, Anon.”
“It’s alright. Come here, Twilight.”
>You reach over the counter, and pick up the light little pony with your arms.
>And hug her sweetly.
>She embraces your neck.
>”A-anon?”
“Yeah?”
>”Could you please put me down, it’s a bit embarrassing.”
“Oh, of course. Sorry about that, I needed it.”
>She blushes as you put her down.
>And she quietly rolls up the parchment she was writing up earlier.
>”Anon, I-I didn’t mind. Would you do that… again some time?”
>You smile and run your hand down her mane.
“Sure, no problem.”
>She avoids eye contact with rosy cheeks, as she puts bad over her bag with magic.
>And fills it with 3 books and the fresh scroll.
>”Well, I’ll be back soon. Come see me tomorrow and I’ll have your book, okay?”
>She makes her way around the desk and to the door.
“Alright then, later then, Twi.”
>She waves at you as you watch her depart to the exit.