>You are Anon, newest human in Equestria (which is to say, the ONLY human in Equestria) and current resident of the Princess's Castle in Canterlot.
>Despite your rather alarming and sudden appearance in the middle of breakfast, you and the Royal Sisters get along very well.
>"Lord Anonymous? Art thou awake?"
>Especially you and Princess Luna.
>She's a sweet little pony; awkward and still learning how to adjust to modern living.
"Come on in, Luna. I've been awake for a while."
>Silence.
>Your door remains closed, and you KNOW you didn't lock it.
>"Ha-hast thou made thyself decent for a mare's eyes?"
>You're stricken with uncertainty.
>You hate questions that make you question things you've just done.
>Like all those times you forgot your student number during university exams.
>No time for that, Anon; time to double-check that you don't have your cock out or something.
>Shirt? Check. P-jay-jays? Check. Underwear beneath those pants? Check.
>Your sleeping outfit present in its entirety, you nod confidently to yourself.
"I'm all covered up, Luna. You don't have to worry about fainting at the sight of me."
>Your door swings open to reveal a slightly-peeved Luna.
>She's got a frowny face and her cheeks are puffy and you REALLY want to play with her ears.
>" 'Tis not for Our sake, Lord Anonymous. We worry only for thine coltish virtue."
>She hops up onto your bed and plops her rump down next to you and leans up against your pillows.
>You reach under your bed and pull out one of your old story books from way back when.
"Luna, the only ponies who approach me in this castle are you and your sister, so you don't have to worry about my 'coltish virtue'."
>You flip through your book and try to find your bookmark.
>As usual, it got loose and fell in between the pages.
"And you don't have to call me 'Lord' Anonymous, you know."
>You reach the end of the book without finding the bookmark. You sigh in irritation and start your search again from the front; but this time, you're a bit slower.
"I'm not nearly important enough to garner a title." you mutter, more to yourself than anything.
>Luna's hearing, already superior to your own as a pony, picks up on your half-spoken sentence easily.
>"Th-thou art to Us, Lord Anonymous."
>You jab your thumb on the page you're looking through and look over to Luna.
>She catches your eye and, a blush blossoming on her dark blue features, jerks her head down to look at your book, which you now have resting on your lap.
"That's really sweet of you, Luna." you say, reaching your free hand out to rest on the top of her head, "Thank you."
>"Th-thou also..."
>Her usual regalia is absent this morning, which is usual for when she visits you.
>You suppose she's trying to learn how to dress (or undress, in this case) casually, and the alien who is as ignorant to how modern Equestria works is as good a practice dummy as any.
>It's just as well that you know as little as she does; you're less likely to judge her for when she slips up.

>You remove your hand from Luna's head far too soon for your own liking.
>Luna seems to feel the same way, however; she struggles to push her head back into your retreating appendage, even when it ends with Luna almost tumbling into your lap.
>You chuckle good-naturedly and turn your attention back to your book, only to find that your hand slipped at some point and all your progress searching for the bookmark has been lost.
"Well," you sigh, closing the book on your lap, "I've lost the bookmark."
>You turn to face Luna quickly enough to catch the look of disappointment on her face.
"Is there any particular story you want to hear, or would you like to start from the beginning?"
>Luna's disappointment blooms into excitement, and her eyes light up.
>Did she think you weren't going to read to her just because you lost your bookmark?
>"Which would take longer, Lord Anonymous?"
>Aw, is this her game?
"Starting from the beginning."
>Luna wriggles her bottom into your sheets, working her way into a more comfortable position.
>"Let us start from the beginning, then. We art eager to learn Our letters this morrow."
"From the beginning it is, then."
>You clear your throat and flip to the first page of the first chapter.
"Goodnight Moon. By Margaret Wise Brown."

---------------------------------------------------------------

>"L-lord Anonymous, wouldst thou doeth Us a favour and...."
>Luna jams her hoof across your face and narrowly avoids smacking you on the nose.
>"Looketh over there!"
>Being the chump that you are, you instinctively react by looking where she was pointing.
>While you're looking away, you feel Luna start punching your thigh.
>"Damnations!" she mutters as she continues to abuse your leg, "How dost one expect to make use of thine 'pockets' if thou insisteth on making such pouches too small for Our royal hooves?"
>The fuck is she doing to your pyjamas?
"What are you doing, Luna?"
>You turn to face her, but Luna quickly frees her hooves from your pants and pushes your shoulder.
>"Nay! Look away, cretin! 'Tis mare's business and is not fit for thine delicate demeanor!"
>No, really, what is she doing?
"Do you want some help or so-"
>"How generous!" her voice is somewhat hysterical at this point, as though failing to jam her hooves into your pockets is causing her great stress.
>"Such refinement! 'Tis the sign of a... of a.... oh, shoot!"
>Her hooves fumble with your hands for a few confusing seconds before something crumpled and rough is thrust in between your ring and middle finger.
>"T-take this! Just..... just pretend that thou hast found this in thine pockets, prithy?"
>With a clattering of hooves, your reading buddy is gone.
>You take a look at the note that Luna left for you, feeling equal parts curious and nervous.
>What on Earth got her so worked up?
>The parchment is thick and well made - not like the shit that Twilight uses.
>It's emblazoned with Luna's cutie mark, stylized with black ink-splotches in all four corners of the paper.

>"Dearest Lord Anonymous," it reads.
>"Thou art to Us a rose in the midst of a dying wasteland. Wouldst thou desire for it, We would give thee the Moon itself for thine own pleasure. Art thou wearing pantaloons made to withstand the vacuum of space? I ask this, for thine flank is beyond the the boundaries of this world."
>"Hugs and Kisses, thine Secret Admirer"
>"X O X O"

>Who could have written you such a note?
>How mysterious.

---------------------------------------------

>Let's see.... let's see....
>You drag a finger across the weathered spines of countless books that line the shelves.
>You're looking for a very particular book.
>Starts with.... P.
>P.....
>Pa.... Pe...
>....
>Pl!
>Pla.....
>Play.....
>You're starting to feel a little giddy.
>You aren't made of stone, you know; a man has needs.
>Playb-what?
>Nothing?!
>What a waste of time.
>....Playf?
>Playfilly?
>You grab the book marked "Playfilly" and open it.
>It's full of old, archived magazines with stallions on the cover.
>....very provocatively-posed stallions.
>"Hello, Anonymous."
>Startled, you drop the book of smut mags onto the floor.
>The book lands wide-open and displays a cover with a stallions covering his testicles with both hooves.
>Celestia whistles in appreciation.
>"My, MY, Anonymous. Such refined tastes you have."
>She grabs the magazines in her magical grasp and tucks them away behind a wing.
>With a lurch, Celestia hops up onto her hind legs and leans over you, planting one foreleg onto the wall behind your head.
>"What would your father say if he saw you reading such SORDID reading material?"
>What WOULD dear old dad say if he caught you jacking off to horse porn?
"I'm sure he'd be even more disappointed in me, if that were even possible."
>Celestia ignores you and leans in closer.
>"Well, then..." she moves until her lips are just inches from your ear.
>You try to back away, but her presence has you pinned.
>She smells like vanilla and horse musk.
>[spoiler]Hot.[/spoiler]
>"I suppose it's a good thing that daddy isn't here to rescue you, hmm?"
>A moist tickling on your earlobe alerts you to Celestia's tongue.
>You had been willing to put up with her shenanigans because she was royalty, but Anon is NOBODY'S horsefucker!
>You take a hasty step backwards away from the musky cage that is Celestia's body.
"Okay, take it easy there, Princess," you say, raising your hands defensively.
"This penis?"
>You make a lewd gesture to your crotch and try to ignore the moan that Celestia lets loose when you do.
"No for you."
>Celestia just laughs and hops back onto all four of her legs.
>"Is that so, Anonymous?"
>She advances on your position, swinging her hips as she goes.
>"I'm sure you'll find that I can be quite persuasive."
>Her nostrils flare as she moves her snout over towards your crotch, and she shudders.
>"Mmmm.... you have such a strong aroma, Anonymous. Why don't you come here and let me give you the best 12 seconds of your life?"
>Excuse me?
>12 seconds?
>Fuck you too, sunhorse.
"What do you mean, 12 seconds?"
>Celestia looks alarmed for just a moment before she chuckles indulgently at you.
>"Oh, my apologies. Sometimes I forget that it's rude nowadays to bring up how long a stallion lasts...."
>She very overtly glances down at your dick.
>"....down there...."
>Whoo-boy.
>All this talk about dicks is making you a little hot under the collar.

>Celestia is relentless.
>"But I'll bet bits to biscuits that you aren't one of those old fuddy-duddy stallionist types, Anonymous."
>She raises her eyebrows and smirks at you.
>"Hmmm? No, you would have blown your rape whistle a long time ago if you were. That's what I like about you, Anonymous."
>She takes in another deep breath and shudders, her entire body shaking.
>"You know what a mare wants, don't you? You aren't afraid to do what..." she takes a quick breath in through her nose, "what you were BORN to do, hmm?"
>Christ, this new Celestia is terrifying.
>Who knew she could get so rapey?
>"Modern stallions never speak of this; no.... it's too 'degrading'. But I'll bet you would LOVE to go down on this..."
>She spins around and lifts her tail, presenting her pink, puffy lips to you.
>They're dribbling with antici......
>......
>......
>......
>....pation.
>Celestia begins to walk backwards toward you.
>"Do you want a taste, sweetheart? Now's your chance.... there's nopony here to stop m-er, us."
>Christ above, you can practically TASTE her from here.
>Over the din of Celestia's quiet moaning and groaning, the sound of a door opening can be heard.
>>"Sister? Hast thou seen Our collection of 'Refined Gentlemare's Stallions'?"
>Luna pokes her head around from behind a bookshelf and peers at you innocently.
>>"We seem to have misplaced i - SISTER!"
>Celestia raises her wings to cover her exposed genitals and shouts in alarm.
>"Luna?! Wh-what are you doing here?!"
>Luna stares wide-eyed at her sister before stomping over.
>Her snoozle is scrunched harder than you've ever seen it.
>>"Dost Our eyes deceive Us? Hast that foul knave Discord played tricks on Us again? We thought thou wert better than this!"
>Luna bumps snouts with Celestia and starts flapping her wings.
>>"A pox! A pox on thine-"
>"He was asking for it!" yells Celestia, her voice ragged and with a desperate edge to it.
>Celestia begins to push back with her muzzle, forcing Luna to take a couple of steps back.
>"Look at him, Luna! Look at the way he wears those clothes of his. They cover up everything."
>>"But-"
>"Everything! Even... THAT."
>Luna glances over to you, bypassing your eyes entirely and staring you square in the crotch.
>"Can't you smell him from here, dear sister? You have to."
>Celestia's nostrils flare again.
>Even so far removed from you, and as close as she is to her sister, Celestia's body still shudders in delight.
>She's started to pant, now.
>"It's so strong. I HAVE to have it, Luna. Can't you see?"
>Luna is too busy staring at your groin to respond.
>A blush is forming on her face, and her eyes start to take on a glazed-over look to them.
>If you looked closely, you'd see that Luna's own nostrils were flaring, taking in your scent.
>The very same musk that was odorless to you and yet filled the room with its moist presence.
>Celestia licks her lips and leans in close to her sister's ear.
>In the dead silence of the library, insulated with countless rows of books, her words are as loud as Luna's Traditional Canterlot Voice.
>"We could share him."
>This snaps Luna out of her revere.
>>"N-no!"
>She shakes her head as though trying to remove water from her ears.
>>"We shall not let thou corrupt yet another colt to thine perversions, Sister!"
>Celestia relents and steps back, sighing explosively.
>"Oh, Luna; let loose once in a while! What's the harm in a little bit of fun?"
>>"Thou are not supposed to be intimate with a colt unless thou intendeth to marry him, Sister."
>Luna shoots you another look; desperate lust mixed with disapproval.
>Once again, her gaze does not stay on your eyes for long.
>She puts up a good fight, but she's very quickly staring at your penis-place once more.
>>"He... he... such a b-beautiful and innocent colt shouldst only know the t-touch..."
>Luna takes a break to take a few deep breaths, but you can see the sweat building up on her brow.
>Not to mention that her blush has yet to recede by any significant amount.
>She's fighting against herself.
>>"...the touch of a mare on his wedding night. 'Tis the way Our father taught Us, yes?"
>Luna looks uncertainly to Celestia, who seems a bit bored with the entire situation.
>The looks she gives you is the same one your old employees down at Walmart would give you.
>The look of, "I've heard this a million times."
>>"But We suppose..."
>Celestia's ears perk up at this development.
>It seems that Luna's old-fashioned values are losing some ground to her lust for you.
>>"It is not the olden day anymore, is it? For a mare to taketh a stallion so brazenly..."
>Luna's chest begins to heave, and her regalia slips a bit on her sweat-slicked coat.
>>"For such... such PERVERSION to be so casually undertaken!"
>She looks at you now with no hint of disapproval in her eyes.
>>"A stallion to be shared? What values hast thou lost to consider this, Lord Anonymous? Hast thou truly fallen so far as to consider intimacy with a mare outside of herding?"
>Celestia tip-hoofs over and blows hot breath on to her sister's ear.
>"You've been away a long time, Luna. It really isn't that uncommon, you know - two sisters sharing a colt."
>>"Truly?" gasps Luna, the word barely comprehensible, "Forsooth?"
>Celestia grins widely and breaks away from her sister, turning to face you.
>She swings her hips as she walks, her hoofsteps soon joined by her sister's.
>"Forsooth."

>A burst of golden magic obliterates your pants and underwear.
>You're rock-hard.
>You hate to say it, but that little show combined with the sight and smell of Celestia's pussy has started to blur the lines of sex and bestiality for you.
>The cold air on your dick just makes you all the more aware of each and every nerve ending that hide under the thin skin of your turgid length.
>You can feel your cock bobbing in time with each hard beat, which has begun to speed up as the two royal sisters approach you.
>Curiously, Celestia is content to sit by the sidelines and watch with a vacant expression. 
>A dark-blue glow envelops your testicles as Luna starts to caress your scrotum.
>>"Thou art... virile, Lord Anonymous."
>Her breath is practically fogging the air in front of you as she approaches at crotch-level.
>>"Wilt thou impregnate us?"
>Her mouth is so close to the engorged head of your cock.
>>"Allow Us to finally continue Our line?"
>A particularly firm squeeze to your musky sack makes you twitch involuntarily.
>A drop of pre-cum emerges from the tip of your cock and lazily drips down to the ground.
>....if Luna had not been there to lick it up for you.
>>"We think that.... Oh, damnation!"
>Your vision begins to lose focus as an obnoxious noise fills your ears.
>>"W-wait! Please, Anonymous, give Us more time!"
>A loud shuffling of papers fills your ears, though neither Luna or Celestia have parchment anywhere near them.
>>"We can't find a quill! Oh, why didst thou have to smell so good, mine love?"
>BRAAP BRAAP BRAAP
>alksfdjaosugh
>>"Curse thy waking-up contraption! Thine craven, swag-bellied dewberry clock hast taken Our time too soon!"
>Something wet slaps you in the face, and you wake up completely.
>You sit up just in time to watch your bedroom door slam shut.
>You turn your alarm clock off and investigate what slapped you in the face.
>...which appears to be a slip of paper.
>Upon further inspection, it's damn-near unreadable.
>Something... sticky is smeared all over the page, making the ink run.
>You can barely make out small sections of text.
>And it smells like vanilla and horse musk.
>[spoiler]Hot.[/spoiler]
>Ahem.

>"Dost thou - couldst thine - forsooth, thine cock is - the benefits of marrying royalty - please sit on our face - carnival - fill Us up - everlasting love -"
>"Hugs - winks - admirer"
>"XXX"

>You have the WEIRDEST boner right now.