>Day... 
>Well, day one.
>You're in ponyland.
>You're also in ponyland PRISON.
>And WHY are you in ponyland prison?
>Because the ponies here have no idea what you are.
>They literally sent you here because they're scared of you.
>You've done absolutely nothing wrong.
>You haven't even said your own name to anyone here.
>Meanwhile, they've talked about sending you to some place called 'Canterlot' many times, but for now, you're here.
>You've just arrived, by carriage, to the prison.
>Yet they didn't cuff you, for some reason.
>All the ponies here were absolutely frightened by you, but never bothered to take any precautions against you.
>A bit retarded, in your opinion, but whatever.
>Finally, you see a pony approaching you.
>She's white, she's got blond hair, and blue eyes.
>She has a serious look on her face.
>She's wearing a kind of Nazi-ish looking uniform.
>You also have a feeling she's going to be extremely racist.
>The two guards stand at attention as the mare walks up to you.
>She looks up at you, her cold, blank expression never changing.
>Then she jumps and lets out a big smile.
>"Good morning! It's nice to meet you! My name is Aryanne, but you can call me anything you want! Whatever makes you most comfortable here during your visit!"
>You smile.
>Oh my god she's so adorable.
>She's literally beaming with the biggest smile you've seen since you got here.
"Can, I, uh, I just- I'm just gonna hug you."
>You pick her up and hug the shit out of her.
>She's so soft and cuddly.
>Everyone nearby gasps.
>The guards back away from you.
>"HE'S GOT THE WARDEN HOSTAGE!!"
"W-wait, what?! No I don't-"
>"P-please don't hurt me, mister!"
>Aryanne looks absolutely frightened.
"No, I'm not! Y-you're just so cute! I wanted to hug you!"
>She blushes.
>The guards all just scowl at you.
>"YOU VILLAINOUS MONSTER!"
>"We-we'll do anything you say! What do you want from us?!"

"Uh, want?"
>"Just name it! An extra pillow? Thirty more minutes of nap time? TWO pudding cups a day?!"
>You pause.
"Nap time?... Pudding cups? What the hell kind of prison IS thi-"
>"-EXCUSE ME?!"
>You look down at Aryanne.
>She's scrunching.
>The guards stare at her like she just became Jesus.
>"MR... uhh...?"
"Anonymous.-"
>"-ANONYMOUS! THERE SHALL BE NO CURSING IN MY PRISON! APOLOGIZE!"
"Okay."
>You snuggle her.
>"W-what are you doing?"
"An apology snuggle, of course. It's what my species regularly does."
>"O-oh... Okay..."
>She softly sighs.
"Do you accept my apology?"
>"Y-yes."
"Good! Also, don't have your guards beat me up. Hugs are my species' way of saying hello."
>She looks at the guards and nods.
>They stand down and relax.
>You're about to set her down when she stops you.
>"Actually, I...I think I hurt my leg... can you...?"
"But of course. It's a common thing for my species to carry friends."
>"Awesome..."
>Goddamn this cuddly pony.
>Soon enough, having heart attacks will be a regular thing 'for your species'.
>Which, you didn't believe for a single second that these ponies would buy any of your crap.
>But hey, you were wrong!
>And now you've got snuggles out of an adorable pony.
>Also, said snuggles can probably shorten your sentence.
>Well...
>If it's not indefinite, of course.

>You carry Aryanne through the hallway-gate-thing.
>Some guards posted on the way scowl at you, sometimes in anger, and sometimes in what looks like jealousy.
>You're holding her like you would a cat.
>She doesn't seem to mind at all, though.
>She's resting her head on your arm.
>And though you still have absolutely no idea where you are, or WHY, you were glad that cute ponies, though owning a max-security prison, were simply just, well, cute ponies.
>When you arrive at the front doors of the thing, the two guards open them and allow you to enter.
>Then you're faced with the inside of the prison.
>It looks pretty damn nice.
>It doesn't even look like a prison.
>The floor is made of wood, the walls are painted a nice sandy color, and there's a tan mare with yellow hair behind a desk.
>Her eyes barely peek over it.
>"I-is that the warden?"
"Uuh, yeah. She hurt her leg, so I'm carrying her."
>Aryanne gives an embarrassed smile and nods.
>"Oh. Well, uh, okay then! So, you're the new inmate?"
"Well see, ABOUT that... I didn't even get any kind of chance to defend myself, and I think-"
>"-Well of course not! You're a big scary monster!"
>You frown.
"Thanks. I always try to look my best."
>She waves her hooves.
>"No no no, I didn't mean it like THAT! I-it's just..."
"You think I'm ugly, DON'T you?"
>"N-no! I just... I..."
>You cover your face and pretend to cry.
>"No, no! I..."
>She hops over the desk and flocks over to your side, looking up at you.
>"I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm sooo sorry!"
>Man, these ponies are just too easy to mess with.
>But really, you were just looking for an excuse to continue your snuggle-spree.
"Do... do you really mean it?"
>"Yes!!"
>You pick her up with Aryanne still in your arms and hug her
>"W-what are-"
>"-It's what his species does!"
>"O-oh..."
>You can't help smile.
>These ponies are absolutely going to be the death of you.
"So. Want to be my friend?"
>The mare looks up at you and manages a small smile.
>"Sure!"

"Cool!"
>And now you've got another mare to add to your collection!
>Christ, they're so soft.
>You almost forget for a second that you're in prison.
>For doing nothing.
>THOUGH, the cuddles are definitely fucking worth it.
>You start walking past the desk.
>"Wait, what-"
>-"Carrying friends is another thing his species does."
>You smile and nod.
"You... you want me to put you down?"
>You manage a pouty face.
>"Well, I don't want to be rude to a friend..."
"-Okay!"
>You continue walking.
>You are literally having too much fun with this.
>Then again though, what are the chances of having another dream as cool as this, right?
>Gotta snuggle 'till you drop!
>Aryanne pipes up.
>"S-so, do you want a tour of the prison?"
"Sure!"
>She grins and points down the hallway you're walking through.
>"Just take a right here, and you can see the dining room!"
>"I don't think I've actually seen the whole prison before..."
"Sure thing, captain!"
>You take off through the short hallway and turn.
>You immediately are faced with the dining room.
>It looks like a cafeteria, but with much nicer tables and chairs.
>But it's empty.
"Where's everyone?"
>"Everypony's napping right now!"
>You smile and lightly squeeze them both.
>Just them talking was fucking adorable.
>In turn, they both blush.
>Aryanne leads you over to another room.
>The art room.
>Because prisons apparently have art rooms here.
>It's still empty, and it looks a bit like a classroom.
>It's also very colorful.
>TOO colorful.
>It's like staring at the sun broken into a rainbow.
>You quickly move on and come across the 'nap room'.
>It's full of ponies.
>You're pretty sure you'll have a heart attack if you step in there.
>There's a mare sprawled out on her back, snoring and drooling slightly.
>You smile.
>There's another curled up like a dog, holding her tail.
>Then there's another one doing the same thing, but instead is nibbling on her tail.
>Guys are really out-numbered here.
>Like, REALLY.
>You only count three.

>Your smile grows wider.
>There's so many mares that need cuddling here.
>You feel like some sort of retard, just compelled to pet any and every single mare in this room.
>You think it'd be a bit weird with the guys, though they are just as cute as the mares are.
>But still, you know, guys.
>That'd probably be weird.
>Then you hear a small bell ring from inside.
>The ponies start getting up.
"Uh, Anne? How many ponies are in this room?"
>She puts a hoof to her chin.
>"Shhhooould be sixty seven, now including you!"
>...Oh.
>OH.
>You don't think you're prepared enough mentally for sixty six ponies.
>Then the door opens.
>A pony in a neon orange jumpsuit sticks her head out.
>She looks at you.
>"Oooh, what are YOU? Are you a monster?!"
>As soon as you open your mouth, she smiles.
>"-Oh! You're friends with the warden and Penny!"
>You hear whispering inside, and see a few mares hopping, trying to see you through the small window in the door.
>The mare turns back into the room.
>"We've got a tall new friendly creature!... He's... he's really handsome..."
>...You're pretty sure you weren't supposed to hear that last bit.
>You hear a few gasps and giggles from inside.
>"I wanna meet him!!"
>"He's just outside?!"
>"Come on, let's see him!!"
>Then the door swings open.
>For a split second, you see dozens of pairs of eyes just locked on you.
>Then every single one of them come pouring out.
>Before you can move, you're literally SURROUNDED in mares.
>Some are standing on their hind legs, looking up at you from your sides.
>Others are flying above and around your head.
>Some are playing with your hands.
>They're ALL asking questions.
>"What's your favorite color?!"
>"What the HAY ARE YOU?!"
>"Hey, I want to be carried, too!"
>Y-your heart.

>Then, you start noticing a few other questions.
>"Soo, what's a stud like YOU doing here?"
>"Care for a herd?"
>"You into Pegasi?"
>"Do you last long?~"
>"Y-you wouldn't fuck a pony, would you?"
>"You look like you'd be so... big..."
>Someone slaps your ass.
"WOAH- HUH?"
>...Holy shit...
>Y-your dick.
>And here you thought these ponies only had rainbows and sunshine on the mind.
>You actually feel Anon Jr. poking out a bit.
>The mares in front of you stop and stare.
>They grow red.
>One bites her lip.
>Another looks up at you.
>"C-can I t-touch it?"
>She slowly inches a hoof forwards.
>Her face grows extremely red.
>A majority of the mares go silent and watch.
"I- I uhh, I don't..."
>She starts sweating.
>Then you see your pants start glowing blue.
>What the fu-
>In a split second, they're pulled down.
>Along with your boxers and everything.
>You pause.
>You suddenly feel so embarrassed you might die.
>All the mares are so red, you'd believe that it's the dominant coat color around here.
>You even see one of the guys staring.
>Some of the mares are just speechless.
>Some jaws are dropped.
>Some are moving their mouths like fish.
>And others are biting their lips and smiling.
>Aryanne's trying to sneak looks at you.
>The desk pony is staring.
>The cuteness AND the embarrassment is too much.
>Your heart's beating like crazy.
>Like, REALLY crazy.
>You feel a sharp pain in your chest.
>Your breath gets caught in your throat.
>You think you feel your heart stop.
"HRK."
>You clutch your chest and fall backwards.
>The mares move out of the way, and your back hits the wooden floor.
>The two in your arms practically crush you.
>The last thing you see is Aryanne's rump in your face.

>You open your eyes, expecting to see your lovely bed and room, back in your lovely home, in your lovely world.
>Instead, you're faced with two white mares standing over you, blushing furiously.
>This is obviously a REALLY long dream.
>One of the mares is Aryanne.
>The other is... someone.
>She's got pink hair wrapped in a bun, and is wearing a nurse's cap.
>She also has blue eyes.
>You feel a bit of saliva by your mouth.
"Oh man, I didn't drool, did I? Sorry."
>You wipe it away while the nurse pony softly laughs and rubs the back of her neck.
>"Ha ha... yeah, drool..."
>You turn to Aryanne, and see the nurse quickly wipe her muzzle with a hoof in your peripherals.
"Okay, so where am I?"
>The other pony straightens herself and clears her throat.
>"You are currently in my office! The Nurse's office! I'm Nurse Redheart!"
>She smiles, still never losing her blush.
>You extend a hand.
"I'm Anonymous, but you can just call me Anon."
>She shakes a little as she takes your hand, losing what little composure she had.
>"O-okay, Anon."
>Aryanne steps forward and pouts.
>"What about me? Can I call you Anon?"
"Of course."
>She beams.
>You look down at yourself and see a napkin placed over your Anonhood.
>You quickly pull them back up, feeling a bit hot in the cheeks yourself.
"Well, thanks for putting a napkin over me, at least."
>"Yeah... w-we couldn't pull them up without... uh..."
"Without what?"
>"-N-nevermind!"
"Alrighty, then."
>You stand up and brush yourself off.
>"Sooo, all the inmates were ALSO sorry for making you pass out back there, and, you know... unclothing you... so they made you a card!"
>You look around yourself.
>You don't see anything beside the mat you were lying on.
>"-Oh, we couldn't fit it through the door. It's outside."
>You turn towards the door, and from the window, see something huge and pink.
>How big is that thing?!
>You stand up and once again tower over almost everything.
>Nurse Redheart just stares.
>"O-oh my. Y-you ARE big..."

"Yeah, I've been getting that a lot lately."
>Your eyes fall on the door.
"Sooo, does that mean I can go, now?"
>"Oh! Yes, by all means, Mr. Anonymous!"
"Just Anon's fine, Nurse."
>She grows a bit red again.
>Seriously, why in gods name is it so easy to make these ponies blush?
>And WHY is it so noticeable?
>"Please, just call me Redheart. Or Red. Or just Heart. Or whatever..."
>She twirls her hair with a hoof.
"Sure thing, Heart."
>She grins.
>"Does this mean we're friends?"
>You smile back and nod.
>She stands on her hind hooves and holds her front ones out.
>"S-so, can I get a friendly hello?"
>She's having a real hard time balancing herself.
>You swoop in and grab her, partly because of how cute she is, and also because of how close she looks to falling on her face.
>She wraps around you like an octopus and sighs.
>You shrug the initial shock off and hug her.
>"If only I'd found you a lot sooner..."
>You softly laugh.
>She's squeezing the shit out of you.
>It's like she's never been hugged before.
>Aryanne's just watching you both with an amused smile.
>You brush Redheart's mane.
>She coos and buries her head into your chest.
>Well shit, good thing she's a nurse.
>Because your heart feels ready to give out again.
>And you're healthy as shit.
>You exercised everyday, grew your own food, and portioned the shit out of it.
>Yet you just finished having a heart attack from pure cuteness alone.
>And hell, the longer you stay 'alive' here, the longer you get to stay in this dream!
>...You wonder how long it'll last, anyways...
>It's like you're in some sort of simulation.
>Everything in this has just been too damn real-feeling.
>You even keep forgetting that it IS a dream.
>But hey, it IS better to just go with the flow, right?
>You smile.
>Damn right it is.
>Redheart finally stops hugging and looks at you.
>She's got tears in her eyes.
>Did you accidentally crush her or something?
>"Y-you don't understand how much this means to me..."
>Aww.
>You smile.

>You hug the hell out of her for a few more seconds and finally find a cut-off point.
>You set her down, and she wipes her eyes.
>"I-I'll see you around... Anon..."
>You softly wave and leave the office with Aryanne.
>You looked back while you were walking and saw her doing the same.
>She blushed, and you both turned away in embarrassment.
>You turn back and are faced with the huge fucking heart-shaped 'card' that the ponies here made for you.
>It's twice your goddamn size length-wise, and four times in terms of width.
>Or in other words, it's the biggest goddamn card you've ever seen in your entire twenty five fucking years of living.
"Holy shii...-"
>You pause and glance at Aryanne.
>She's already glaring your face off.
"-iiiizle, that's a huge fu-freaking card."
>She nods and smiles.
"How long was I out, anyways?"
>"Well, only a few minutes, actually."
"A FEW MINUTES?!"
>She nods again.
>You turn back to the card.
>It's got frilly lacing on its edge, signatures from everyone, and, "WE'RE SORRY, ANON," in huge ass fancy lettering.
>Sure, it's really simple, but it doesn't look like it only took a few minutes to make.
"Wow. Did they use magic, or what?"
>"Probably. There's quite a number of unicorns here."
>You pause.
"Wait... what?"
>Aryanne just furrows a brow.
>"What?"
"You... there's actually MAGIC here?"
>"Umm, yes?"
"Whaaat? How?"
>"That's, um, how it's always been. Forever."
"Weeeiiird."
>"You don't use magic?"
"Magic is just made up stuff."
>She cocks her head.
>"I assure you, it's very much real. Have you been living under a rock?"
"No, I've been living in a medium sized home, actually. And if I'm being honest, I've never seen talking ponies before today, either."
>"...Really?"
"Yup."
>She puts a hoof to her chin.
>"...Wow... so when I got word of an alien being put here, they weren't kidding, where they?"
>You shrug.
"Guess not."
>"Hmm... interesting..."

>"You've definitely got to tell me more about where you're from, some time. Preferably over dinner."
>You nod.
>Then you realized she pretty much just asked you out.
>She smiles and blushes a bit.
>...Did you ever explain how easy it is to see their blushing?
>Especially because Aryanne is WHITE.
>"Looking forward to it, then."
>You smile back.
>"But anyways, back onto business. We have a tour to finish!... Friend."
>You turn to her with a confused look and see her holding her hooves out.
>Oh, right, friends carry each other.
>You gotta begin writing down these things 'your species does' somewhere very soon.
>You pick her up and carry her fireman style, instead of like a cat.
>You know, like how NORMAL PEOPLE carry cats.
>Left arm over their lower half, and right arm under their upper half.
>Aryanne blushes and squeaks.
"So where to, then?"
>"Well, you've seen the nurse's office, so all we really have left are the rooms and the playground! So, what do you want to see, first?"
"Well, the playground sounds pretty nice."
>"Okay! Just head straight down this hallway!"
"Okie dokie."
>You start walking forward.
>The hallways here are all filled with 'works' of the inmates here: hoofprint drawings, coloring pages, poems.
>It's like some kind of elementary school.
>You pass by a bunch of group pictures of previous years.
>The ponies are ALL different each year.
>Minus the staff, of course.
>Makes you wonder how short the sentences are here.
>Then you finally come across the bright yellow double doors to the 'playground'.
>You open them and pause.
>Of course, EVERY SINGLE pony is outside, playing.
>They all pause.
>The only one that moves is the one going down on the slide.
>She's looking at you as she swirls downwards.
>You slowly wave.
>Your hold Aryanne with your other arm and hold your pants up with your hand.
>Now that you knew there was magic here, you were pretty damn sure one of these niggers pulled your slacks down.

>You kind of wanted to RKO or suplex the one that pulled them down, but you knew, dream or not, hurting one of these ponies would definitely not sit well with you later on.
>Still, it kinda pissed you off.
>But hey, it IS much better to have loads of mares impressed by your size, instead of sporting some four inches of fury and being laughed at.
>All of the ponies start blushing furiously.
>You meekly wave.
>One mare, dark blue with a white mane, flies over to you and stares at the ground.
>"I, uh, I know I speak for everypony here, w-when I say that I'm sorry for what happened earlier... Can... can you forgive us?"
>She looks up at you with a pouty face.
>...Seriously, these fucking pouty faces are your goddamn Kryptonite.
>You, still carrying Aryanne in your left arm, take the pony and hug her with your other.
"Didn't even need to ask, honestly."
>She blushes.
>God, you need to start counting how many times you've been able to make a mare blush.
>All the other ponies erupt into a big cheer and crowd around you.
>"I'm so glad you forgive us, Anon!"
>"Ooh, ooh, did you get the card?"
>"Oh, yeah! Did you like it, Anon?"
>"What did you think of it?"
>They all await your reaction.
"Honestly?"
>They all lean in.
"It's the nicest thing I've ever been given."
>They all cheer again.
>It feels nice, being in the center of everything-
>"-HEY! ANONYMOUS!"
>All the mares stop and make way for a stallion to walk up to you.
>He's only a few inches taller than the mares.
>He's got an orange coat and a black mane.
>Got the whole "special snowflake" vibe going on.
>Then again, though, YOU were fucking overloading with it.
>He straightens himself out and puffs out his chest, kind of like what a bird would do to attract a mate.
>He scrunches while he does so, completely obliterating every bit of intimidation he was going for.
>He pokes you with a hoof.
>"You think you can just waltz in here and take the place for yourself?!"

>Aryanne, instead of taking the position of the tough and powerful warden, just looks up at you in awe, awaiting your response as the other mares do.
>You just cock an eyebrow at the guy.
"Well, if you're getting all butthurt about it, then it sounds like I already did."
>All the mares 'ooo' in response.
>Again, even Aryanne.
>Who is still in your arms.
>The guy glares at you.
>"You know, you've got a LOT of nerve talking to ME like that!"
>You just stare down at him and furrow your brow higher.
>He looks confused at your response for a second, then huffs.
>"You, and ME, hoof-wrestling contest! Then we'll see who the REAL stallion of this prison is!!"
"Okay."
>The mares gasp.
>You keep your unamused look.
>"-HA! I knew that- wait, what? Did you just say yes?"
"Yeah, I did. What, nobody's said yes, before?"
>One of the mares pipe up.
>"They're usually too scared to..."
>"Yes, that's right! And it's finally about time I can PROVE my toughness!"
>...Wow.
>So this guy's literally only gone off of intimidation to rule over the place.
>All bark and no bite, this one.
>This should be fun.
>He walks over to a table with a board game on it and 'cooly' knocks it over.
>"Hey, jerk! We were in the middle of that game!"
>He shrugs off the comment and remains silent, obviously trying not to seem like any bigger of a dick than he already is.
>He sets his hoof in an arm wrestling stance, and you lazily walk over.
>You're not nervous in the slightest.
>Not only do you ACTUALLY lift, but you're also two feet taller than this guy, and this is still YOUR dream-thing going on.
>You own this place.
>Literally.
>You set your right arm up and stop Aryanne as she tries hopping out of your hold.
"Please, Ary. I've got this. Just get comfy."
>She smiles and buries herself back into your chest.
>The mares all gather around.
"So, best two out of three, or what?"
>Wanna at least be a BIT fair.
>"Pft, please. One will be fine."
"Alrighty then. You asked for it."

>One mare steps forward and counts off.
>"Three, two, one, GO!"
>The stallion goes full throttle and pushes down with all his might.
>He's grunting and snorting like a wild bull.
>...And your arm isn't moving.
>At all.
>You can see some veins popping out in his head.
>You try to mask your smile and move your arm towards your own side of the table.
>It's about less than an inch from touching it.
>All the mares gasp.
>The stallion gives you a cocky grin.
>"Shoulda thought about it before opening your big, fat mou-"
>You move your arm and slam it the other way mid-sentence.
>All the mares cheer.
"You were saying?"
>Aryanne beams.
>"H-hey! You said best two out of three!!"
"Alrighty then."
>You put your arm down again.
>He takes a few quick breaths before doing the same.
"Oh, NOOOOO, I hope I can win this one! I'm so beat from the last round!"
>The ponies don't hear a single drip of the gallons of sarcasm spilling from your mouth.
>The stallion grins again.
>"-Two, one, GO!"
>You start moving his arm from side to side.
"Oh, WOAH, WOAH, which way's it gonna go, huh? Ooooh noooo!"
>The mares are all freaking out.
>They're all focused on your arm.
>You can see all of their eyes following it.
>Some are even moving their whole bodies back and forth as they watch.
>Then you yawn and slam his hoof with your eyes closed.
>The mares cheer again.
>You can't help but smile like a douchebag as you watch the guy's expression quickly falling.
>You stand up and look at Aryanne.
"Told ya I'd got it."
>You turn and start walking away with your new crew of mares.
>Then you feel a sharp pain in your head.
>You snap back.
>He threw the fucking table at you.
>Sure, it was like a kiddy table, but it was the thought of it that counted.
>"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, PUNK!!"
>Your smile fades.
>You gently set Aryanne down.
"Alright..."
>You crack your knuckles.
"NOW, this is personal."

>The stallion lowers his head and digs at the ground like a bull.
>You pop your neck and glare.
>There's a minute of pure silence.
>Then the guy dashes off towards you.
>You do the same.
>There's also only a few feet between you and him, so it's not really that dramatic.
>He charges straight for you, and you quickly sidestep at the last moment.
>You quickly spin around and wrap your arms around his neck.
>You leap forward into the air, holding his head down.
>For a split second, you're sure that Randy Orton is staring down at you from somewhere, smiling.
>He would be proud.
"RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!!"
>The stallion's face smashes into the sand as you jump up and throw your hands in the air.
>The mares all cheer once again.
>You quickly turn back and see the stallion with a face full of dirt.
>There's a lot in his mouth.
>He cries and flees behind a slide.
>Then you see the other two stallions that weren't part of the group.
>They're casually building sand castles.
>One sees you looking at him and waves with a big smile, then continues gathering sand with his blue toy shovel.
>The mares all flock to your sides and crowd around you like you're some sort of god.
>Then you hear a muffled cry.
>"TH-THIS ISN'T OVER, LOSER!!"
"I'm counting on it!"
>The crying resumes, and you turn your attention back to your adoring crowd.
>Aryanne hops into your arms.
>"As the warden, I should REALLY be punishing you for that... but I think you just helped better the prison for us."
>There's another cheer.
>"Yeah, go Anon!"
>"Woo, Anon!"
>"A-non!"
>"A-non, A-non, A-non!"
>They all start chanting your name.
>God, prison is great.

>Aryanne and you walk out of the playground to finish the tour.
>You were finally going to see your room.
>Not even a day here, and you've pretty much gotten the whole prison eating out of your hands.
>It's great.
>You walk down the huge hallway in awe.
>This is LITERALLY like a hotel.
>A damn nice one, too.
>You come across your room number.
>It's room 100.
>The last and final room.
>You were about to ask why the hell you were so far away from the others, when you saw the room right beside yours.
>The warden's room.
>And you weren't so sure about regular prisons, but you didn't think that the warden had their own room to stay in.
>You just stare at the nameplate, then the enormous amount of empty rooms between you and the others.
>Aryanne looks away.
"Hey, if it was my choice, I'd of chosen the same room."
>She blushes.
>You open your door and grin.
>This IS a fucking hotel!
>You set Aryanne down and flop down on your bed.
>It's half your size, but it's comfy as shit.
"This is heaven."
>"No, this is your room!"
>You slightly laugh, then get up and continue surveying your room.
>Coffee machine, dressers, closets, bathroom, stocked fridge-
>Oh fuck, you would NOT mind swapping out your current room for this!
>And, not to release the inner Jew in you or anything, but it's all FREE!
>"Is the room to your liking?"
>You hop on your bed once again with a huge grin.
>Your legs smash into the bed frame and hang over the whole thing.
"-OW JESUS!!"
>Aryanne runs over to your side.
>"Celestia, are you alright?!"
"Celestia? I'm Anon, remember?"
>"Huh? I-"
>The tan front desk pony you first saw comes into the room.
>"Ms. Aryanne! Princess Celestia is here and requesting to see Anon!"
"Wow, that's retardedly accurate timing."
>Aryanne narrows her eyes.
>"I don't recognize that word. Is that a curse?"
"Uh... no! It's another way that my species' says 'very', or 'really'."
>She just slowly nods.
>"Well then, we better move. Keeping Celestia waiting is NOT a good idea."

"Aye aye, Ary!"
>You hold your hand in a salute and begin marching alongside her.
"So then, who the heck is Celestia?"
>The desk pony looks at you like you just ate a box of crayons in front of her.
>"She's the ruler of the nation! One of royalty! She raises the SUN everyday!"
"...Should I praise her?"
>You suddenly see her and Aryanne stiffen and stare straight forward.
>You turn to face ahead and see a big white pony with some crazy flowing mane, being followed by two white dudes in some armor.
>...Is it just you, or are all the higher-up ponies white?
>This is slowly getting really racist.
>You watch them walking down the hallway.
>The two kinda just stopped walking, so you were stuck just standing there.
>...They have a lot of distance to cover.
>You quietly rub your hands together.
"...Should we meet them halfway, or-"
>"SHH!"
"-Okay, jeez..."
>You stare straight.
>...And stare.
>...And stare...
"I'm telling you, it'd probably be better to-"
>"SSSSHHHH!"
>You groan and turn again.
>The three are somehow maintaining a constantly straight face as they walk.
>You sigh and sit down on the floor.
>They've got about another thirty rooms to pass by.
>And for some retarded reason, the guy who built this prison didn't have rooms on both sides of the hallway.
>It's literally just a huge hallway of doors on one side.
>You hold your head in your hands and let out an obnoxiously loud sigh.
>You keep it up for a few minutes, just taking quick breaths every so often.
>Then you feel a nudge.
>You look up.
>'Celestia' and the two guys are already here, now.
>Them and the girls are just staring at you.
"Wow, five years later."
>You stand.
>Celestia offers a smile.
>A politician smile.
>It's a smile, but is horribly and very noticeably fake.
>"So, you must be Anonymous."
>You put on a shocked look and hold your hand on yourself.
"I-I AM?!"
>Aryanne and the desk pony glare at you.
>...Man, you gotta get her name at some point.
>'Desk pony' has no ring to it.

>Celestia scans you.
>"And you really ARE big."
"For you."
>She completely ignores your brilliant comment and straightens herself a bit.
>...And she's still smaller than you.
>"Anyways, though, since I've recently become aware of your... special 'origin', I have come by to see if you are behaved well enough to mingle with pony society."
>Aryanne steps forward.
>"Your highness, Anon here has done nothing troublesome since he got here. In addition, the ponies here all think highly of Anon, myself included."
>Celestia looks at you.
>"Is this true?"
>You cock an eyebrow.
"Do I look like I know telepathy?"
>She scans over you again.
>"Hmm... I suppose not... Explain your methods."
"...Methods?"
>"How do you usually make friends?"
"...Well, first I start with a greeting, like a regular per-"
>"Greet me, then."
"...Greet you?"
>"Greet me."
"Okie dokie."
>You walk up to her and get backed the fuck up by the armored dudes.
>Celestia waves them off.
>You stand up and slowly shuffle to her.
>The guards tense up and watch your every move.
>You continue your slow movements and finally hug her.
>She stiffens, then relaxes.
>She slightly leans into you and almost stabs your goddamn face with her horn.
>You try to shrug off the near-death experience and brush her hair.
>It's soft and very flow-y.
>It's really thick and voluminous.
>She stifles a sigh.
>Then she puts her hooves over your shoulders and crushes you in a return-hug.
>She giggles.
>"You ARE quite the hugger, aren't you?"
"It's how I say hello, m'lady."
>She giggles, not knowing how many manly-points you sacrificed saying that.
>You open your eyes and see one of the guards glaring his eyes out at you.
>It looks like he's... jealous?
>You stick your tongue out and lean into the hug further.
>You hear a soft huff.
>Then finally, you feel Celestia breaking away.
>You stand a bit back and smile.
>You fucked her hair up a bit.
"Oh man, hang on."

>You lick your hand and walk over to try and fix her hair, but she stops you.
>"Oh, it's quite alright, Anonymous.-"
"-Please, call me Anon."
>She smiles.
>And it's actually a genuine one.
>"My pleasure, Anon."
"Pleasure's all mine, Celestia."
>She scans you for a third time.
>You're pretty sure you saw her bite her lip for a split second.
>"You know, Anonymous, I expected this encounter to transpire very differently. I'm... pleasantly surprised, to see it's not the case here."
"-You thought I was gonna be a jerk, didn't you?"
>She pauses, then simply nods.
>"But, if possible, I'd very much enjoy another encounter with you in the future. Preferably one more... private..."
>Her eyes quickly jump below your belt and back to you.
>You casually smile and wink.
>Thanks, home garden; this wouldn'tve been possible without you.
>"I'll be signing and sending an official document tomorrow stating that you'll be free to become a full-Equestrian citizen. For now, goodbye, Anon."
>You wave.
>Celestia and the guards start walking away.
>You turn back to Aryanne and the desk pony.
>You notice Aryanne has a saddened look on her face.
>It immediately vanishes once she notices you turned to her.
>She smiles.
>"Wow, isn't that great? Not even the first day here, and you're already free!"
>"Yeesh, and that was really stressful! Almost thought I was just gonna pass out, there!"
>You smile at both of them.
>The look Aryanne had was probably just from something else.
>It's only been a few hours anyways, why would she be THAT sad about you leaving?
>You quickly shrug the idea off.
>
>Only been about thirty minutes.
>Your- or what WAS going to be your bed, was horribly uncomfortable after a while, due to its size.
>Aryanne had said she was gonna do some paperwork and stuff, so she quickly left you alone after the whole Celestia thing.
>You'd imagine loads of paperwork for the ruler of the nation walking into your place, so you simply shrugged it off and went into your room.

>Then you hear a soft knock.
>Your door opens to reveal one of the mares, smiling.
>"Wow, this room is so far away! Why'd the warden move you over HERE?"
>...So Aryanne DID move your room closer to hers!
>Probably just for security or some crap, though.
>You just shrug.
>"Well anyways, it's lunch time now! You wanna join us, Anonymous?"
"Just Anon's fine, and sure!"
>"Okay, Anon!"
>You get up from your bed and follow her away from the room.
>There's a small minute of silence.
"So then... you know MY name now, so what's yours?"
>She slightly blushes and looks at the floor.
>"Oh, my name's not important..."
"...So, what's important is what you're going to do, right?"
>She shakes her head.
>"I'm not that special of a pony, really..."
"What? Nonsense! Everyone's special in their own, well, special way!"
>"Yeah, but here I'm not. The prison doesn't have a bakery here..."
"Well, have you tried asking for one?"
>"Well... no, but that's because I know the answer will be no-"
"-How?"
>She stops.
>"I, I don't know, I just-"
>You stand in front of her and smile.
"Well, as a great man has once said to me, DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS!"
>"B-but, I-"
"JUST, DO IT!"
>"B-but Anon I can't-"
"-Alright, then I'll do it!"
>You start walking back to Aryanne's room.
>"W-wait, but what if you get in trouble?!"
"...For asking for something?"
>"Yes!"
"Well then, I'll get in trouble, I guess."
>"W-wow... you're so brave, Anon..."
"You're only as brave as the ones that need you to be."
>She smiles.

"...What's your name, anyways?"
>"M-my name's Sweetie Drops..."
"Well Sweetie Drops, let's get you that bakery!"
>She nods and follows you.
"And what are you in for, if you don't mind me asking? You seem too sweet to be in a prison."
>In fact, you keep having to remind yourself that this IS a prison, AND a dream.
>It's getting kinda hard to, though.
>"I-I was brought here for having two cats over the legal limit."
>Prison for cats?
>That's messed up.
>...Though, this is more like a vacationing home than a place for punishment.
"And what's the legal limit?"
>"...Ten."
>She looks so ashamed of herself.
>It makes you sad.
>You pick her up and hug her.
"I'm right there with you, sister. I've had my share of a dozen cats before."
>...Courtesy of your mom, of course.
>She loves those damn things, and you don't have it in your heart to tell her that those little fuckers will probably eat her when she dies.
>So you wake up to the smell of cat shit every morning, because saving a few thousand bucks on dorm rooms is absolutely worth the fresh smell of shit.
>Sweetie Drops smiles and buries her head into your chest.
>-Why is that such a popular thing with ponies?
>And why is it so fucking cute?
>You lift her hind legs up and start carrying her.
>And of course, she loves it.
>You head over down the hallway and stop at Aryanne's room.
"Alrighty, moment of truth. Want to go in with me, ooor...?"
>"I-it's ok, I'll stay here."
"Okie dokie!"

>You gently set her on the ground, and she hugs you.
>"Good luck, Anon!"
"Won't need it!"
>You open the door and walk inside.
>Immediately you notice Aryanne lying on her bed... sobbing?
"Are you alright, Ary?"
>She yelps and falls off her bed.
>You run over to her and pick her up.
>You then notice that her room is practically yours, but with an extra desk.
"What's got you so sad?"
>She wipes the tears from her eyes and smiles.
>"O-oh, I'm not sad. I was just yawning; that's why my eyes are all watery."
"But you sounded like-"
>"-I was- uh- meditating! Sometimes I hum while I do, and it sounds like crying..."
"...Oh, well that's good! I always heard meditating had all these benefits to it, but never tried it myself."
>"Y-yeah, it's great... So, then, what brings you here, Anon?"
"Oh, right! Well see here, I've come to see if making a bakery in the prison is an option."
>Her ears fall slightly.
>"O-oh. Sure, yeah, you can have a bakery. Have everything you want- you're leaving tomorrow anyways, why not make the most of it, right?"
>You smile and nod.
"Thanks, Ary!"
>"Mhmm..."
>You leave her alone to her meditation and go into the hallway, grinning.
>Sweetie Drops jumps up and awaits your reaction.
>You simply smile.
>She beams and hugs you.
>"Wow, I can't believe you actually did it! Thanks so much, Anon!"
"-Well, I really didn't do anything. I just asked-"
>"Nonsense! You don't understand how MUCH this means to me!"
"Well I'm glad, Sweetie."
>"Now come on, let's go get lunch!"
"Sure thing!"
>You pick her up and start walking, eliciting a squeak and a blush from her.
>

>One long, unentertaining walk later, you stepped into the cafeteria.
>The second you open those doors, the ponies all start cheering.
>It kinda catches you off guard, but makes you smile nonetheless.
>THEN, you realize that you're gonna leave tomorrow.
>How do you break it to a group of people that love you that you're leaving them forever?
>...Damn.
>This'll suck, for sure.
>You walk past the tables with Sweetie, trying to acknowledge every comment, praise, and sultry grin you get, just to seem like less of a dick.
>If you're leaving, you're not leaving hated.
>You head up to the lunch lady serving and grab a tray.
>It's pretty much just a salad bar, minus all the glorious meat.
>You were really hoping to stock up on that dream-bacon.
>Then an idea snaps into your mind.
>You stare at a cup of lettuce and narrow your eyes.
>Bacon, bacon, bacon...
>You grunt, focusing every single fiber of your being into getting that delicious bacon.
>"...That's lettuce, Anon."
>You blink.
"What?"
>"You were kinda just... staring at the lettuce. You don't like it?"
>Still focusing on getting meat, you forget to flip your sarcastic switch off for Sweetie Drops.
"Lettuce killed my family."
>You cup your hands.
>She just stares at you for a moment.
"It's, uh, poisonous for my species."
>Then she puts on a concerned look.
>"Well it's okay, Anon... It can't hurt you, here."
>She puts a cover over it and pats your shoulder.
>...She's protecting you from lettuce.
>That's a REAL friend.
>You grab yourself a good old non-lettuce-y salad and sit at a fairly empty table.
>Literally a split second after sitting down, every single mare picks up their trays and fills up the seats all around you.
>Sweetie Drops hops onto the table.
>"WAAAAIIIIT!"
>All the mares stop and watch her.
>"Lettuce is poison to Anon here!!"
>They all look at you, then their trays, and immediately toss the lettuce into the nearest trashcan.
>Literally none of the ponies have lettuce on their tray anymore.

>Wow.
>Gotta admire that loyalty, though.
>You smile, then start getting bombarded by more questions.
>"Why don't you tell us where you're from?"
>"Why is lettuce poisonous to you?"
>"Why haven't you taken me, yet?"
>You try to answer as many questions as you can, but can't keep up with the constant stream of it.
>Then a scream interrupts everything.
>Everyone stops and faces one direction.
>At the very end of the room is that stallion you fucked up, holding hoof-fulls of lettuce.
>He eyes you smugly.
>Then he starts running towards you.
>"SWEET CELESTIA HE'S GOING TO KILL ANON!!!"
>The girls start to form a wall between you and him.
>You just sigh and gently push through the crowd.
>"A-Anon, NO!!"
>"You still need to take me!"
>"Don't do it, Anon!!"
>You ignore the comments and walk towards the dude.
>He starts laughing as he gets closer.
>Then he finally stops before you and touches your chest with lettuce.
>"HIYA!"
>You quickly drop your smug act and clutch your chest, gasping.
"W-why would you d-do this?"
>You fall on the ground with quite possibly the lamest death you've ever pulled off.
>Yet, all the ponies gasp.
>The stallion just smiles like the edgy freak he is.
>"YES! YES! I GOT HIM, FINALLY!"
>Then you hop up to your feet all cool-like.
"You sure about that, buddy?"
>He gasps.
>"H-HOW?!"
>He starts crazily touching you with lettuce.
>Once he realizes that he's not doing a single thing to you, he just stops.
"You done now?"
>He throws the lettuce at your face.
>It actually hurts.
"Take that as a yes."
>You take a step towards him and grab him by his waist.
>Then you suplex his ass.

>Of course, you're still a bit gentle with your amazing move, despite this guy trying to assassinate you.
>But then again, had you gone full force, you'dve exploded this guy all over the cafeteria.
>And something like that would not fare well in the minds of these cute little mares.
>The image blows past your mind.
>...Yeah, it's not a pretty scene.
>You walk away from the dude and head back to your tray of deliciousness.
>Then the waves of questions begin again.
>"So are you taking me now?"
>"Why are so tall?"
>"Can we see your bottom again?"
>A pony hops into your arm and cuddles your shit.
>God you love this dream.
>
>About another fifteen minutes of questions later, and now you were off towards the 'Arts and Crafts' room with everyone else.
>They herded around you like a mother duck.
>You loved it.
>And, honestly, you forgot where the room was.
>Yet they still all followed you blindly.
>And they never questioned you once.
>Then finally, you found that shit and allowed all the mares in.
>Ladies first, you know.
>Though, there were more than a few mares who flicked their tails aside for you.
>You just pretended not to see.
>Afterwards, you simply walked inside and sat at a random table.
>There was loads more moving.
>Some mares even took to just sitting on the floor.
>Sweetie Drops being one of them.
>So you picked her up and sat her in your lap.
>And she got plenty of sad, pouty looks.
>Surprisingly, there were no glares of pure hatred and jealousy.
>Then you heard a small bell in the distance.
>You all turn to face the 'teacher' of the class.
>A white Pegasus with golden hair and light purple eyes.
>...You swear to god, this place is so racist.
>"Mornin', everypon- OOOH, we've got a new pony-thing today!"
>She flies over to you and beams.
>"What's your name, Anon?"

>You pause.
"Uh... you just said my name?"
>"...What name? I didn't hear a name! What's your name?"
"My name's Anonymous."
>She lies down on the table and scoots closer to you.
>"Wow, what a great name! I've never heard a name like THAT before! My name's Surprise! Welcome to my art-create-paint-thing class! I know you'll just love-love LOVE it!"
>She'd moved so close to you while she talked, that she was now touching your nose with her muzzle.
>But she doesn't blush, and she doesn't shy away.
>She just smiles.
>You slightly blush and shy away.
>"So, then! In honor of our new inmate Anon here, we'll... I don't know!"
>She turns to you, grinning.
>"Anon, what do you want to do?!"
"Uh, I, uh...-"
>"ANSWER ME ANON EVERYPONY'S WAITING!!!"
"-UH DRAW CATS?!"
>"WE'RE DRAWING CATS EVERYPONY! HERE'S SOME REFERENCES!"
>A bunch of cats come crawling out of her hair and onto the table.
>You frown and stare at the little bastards skittering around everywhere.
>They all flock to Sweetie Drops, who was making weird clicking noises with her tongue and grinning.
>Then you hear the door behind you all slowly creak open.
>You see that stallion nigger again.
>Jesus, this guy just won't QUIT, will he?
>You put on an amused smile and spin around with Sweetie Drops in your lap, casually petting her like a cat.
"You really oughta find something else to do with your time, mate. This is getting a bit old."
>He just grins and says nothing before simply pushing the door away from him.
>Your jaw quickly drops.
>He's got Aryanne hostage.
>He has her in a hold by her neck.
>He's got safety scissors by her neck.
>...Plastic ones.
>The kind that can't cut paper.
>But FUCK it, it's the thought that counts here!

"No... this is FUCKED up! You can throw shit at me, you can hit me with lettuce, and you can charge at me all you want, but you do not, and I repeat, you do NOT. HURT. ARYANNE!"
>He opens his smug mouth and moves a foot away from her.
>Seizing the opportunity, you grab a cat from behind you and hurl it full force at the guy.
>His eyes go wide.
>Then he gets a face full of cat.
>You quickly place Sweetie on the ground and run over to Aryanne.
>Then the guy quickly throws the cat off of him and stands over her, face now full of scratches.
>You continue running, much to his surprise.
>"HEY! BACK UP!"
>You're dropkicking this fucker now.
>You leap into the air and bring your legs forwards.
>They both connect with his face and send him flying through the entrance door.
>It makes you wonder how he's been able to continuously get up so many times.
>And why the hell he's so bent on ruining you.
>Well, for another reason other than making him look like a pathetic retard in front of the whole prison, of course.
>You get up and shut the main doors closed before going over to Aryanne.
"You alright, Ary? He didn't hurt you or anything, did he?"
>She shakes her head.
>"I was just coming by to...um..."
"...Yes?"
>"To, uh... ask about... dinner..."
"Well, didn't I already say yes?"
>"I...I wanted to move... uh, nevermind..."
"Move...?"
>She sighs.
>"T-to move the dinner to my room, instead of the cafeteria..."
>She blushes and covers her face with her hat.
"...Well sure. No arguments here."
>She moves her hat.
>"W-wait, really?"
>You shrug.
"Well, yeah, why what's wrong with that?"
>"N-nothing! I-I just thought that... that you'd say no..."
"Nope, I'm down."
>"...No you aren't, you're right here."
>You wave a hand.
"Figure of speech."

>
>Spending literally no time doing any kind of artsy-stuff, you had finally gathered all the cats in the room.
>There were about twenty six in total.
>All inside Surprise's mane.
>It was a horrifying thought.
>And after you gave all the cats back to her, she just put them back into it.
>There was no moving, no struggle.
>It was like the damn things got sucked into a portal or some shit.
>You just didn't want to think about it.
>But now, the show was over.
>That orange stallion was finally shipped god-knows-where, for threatening you and the warden herself.
>And now you were headed to her room.
>You still kind of wished that the stallion wasn't so bent on being the alpha here.
>And it wasn't like you purposely took that away from him.
>AND, had he just left it to a friendly challenge and conversation, he probably could've been your bro.
>But, alas, he chose the dick side and got dropkicked, RKO'd, and suplexed for it.
>And never once thought to back the fuck up.
>But, oh well.
>It just makes you wonder what he was in prison for in the first place...
>You shake your head and knock on Aryanne's door.
>Then a thought hit you.
>She opens it with a small smile.
"Wait, when you meant dinner here, did you mean for me to bring a tray here, ooor...?"
>"Oh, just get in here."
"Alright, alright."
>You walk inside and see a simple lettuce-less salad and a bottle of wine.
>...Must've found out about your 'poison'.
>You're watching the wine, though.
>Can you even GET drunk in dreams?
>See, and that thought came back again.
>IS this even a dream?
>You shrug to yourself.
>Would've preferred steak over wine, honestly, but whatever.
>Aryanne hops on her bed and grabs the bottle.
>Then you realize that she's not wearing her uniform.
>Or ANYTHING, for that matter.
>Though, it didn't seem to be such a bad thing.
>Or maybe Surprise is just so crazy that people are used to her being naked, because she's the only one you've seen like that, so far.

>If it isn't jumpsuits, it's aprons, nurse's outfits, dresses and guard suits.
>She struggles with the cork of the wine bottle, trying hopelessly to pull it off with her teeth.
"You, uh, want me to open it?"
>She shakes her head and continues attacking the thing for a short while, before sighing and hoofing it to you.
>You twist and pop that shit off like nothing.
>She just stares at the bottle with an irritated look.
>"I loosened it up for you."
"That's what she said."
>"...Um, no, I said it."
>You wave your hand again.
"Species thing."
>She nods.
>You set the bottle on the nightstand and notice something.
"...Uh, we got any glasses?"
>She looks around the room and groans.
>"Horsefeathers..."
>You gasp.
"My, MY! Was that a SWEAR, young lady?"
>She gives you a deadpan look and smiles.
>...Was it actually a swear?
>You didn't know, but it just sounded like one.
>She hops off the bed, opens her door and waits for you beside it.
>"We gotta go get some glasses."
"Sure thing."
>You exit with her and notice another something.
"Uh, Aryanne?"
>"Yes?"
>You pause and just look at her.
"You're naked."
>She just looks down at herself, then at you.
>"Yes, I am."
"Well... aren't you... you know, gonna put your uniform on, or something?"
>"We don't normally wear clothes, Anon. And it's only a short trip."
"You don't normally wear clothes? Like you, or all ponies in general?"
>"All ponies. Not even the Princess wears anything aside from her royal regalia."
>...Holy shit, she's right.
>You completely forgot that the ruler of the nation literally wore nothing but a necklace, some shoes, and a tiara.
>A bit weird how you overlooked that.
>"Why? Is not wearing clothes bad?"
"Oh, no, no, it's just that, well, for our species, you don't usually have your clothes off unless you're showering, or are currently engaged in an... intimate moment..."
>She blushes and looks away.
>"O-oh... I...I didn't know that..."

>There's a small moment of silence between you both.
>You could tell she was thinking about something.
>And all you were thinking about was of why you couldn't wish up any steak in this place.
>Seriously, you should've been absolutely showered in meat by now.
>But nothing came.
>"W-we're here..."
>The hell?
>Already?
>You look up from the floor and just see that you're face to face with a closet labeled "supplies".
"There's wine glasses in here?"
>"No, but we've got the closest thing to it, here."
>She opens the door and walks in.
>Then she quickly turns.
>"Anon, hold the DOO-"
>It closes on her.
>You open it back up.
"Why do you need the door open?"
>She sighs.
>"It's faulty. It won't open from the inside."
"Oh. That's stupid."
>She just nods and looks around for some glasses.
>"Do you see a box labeled 'glasses' anywhere?"
>You take a quick look around.
"Nope."
>She sighs again.
>"I always seem to forget the most important things at the most important times..."
>You grab a broom beside the door and keep it propping the door up.
>You walk over to Aryanne and start looking yourself.
>"Oh, it's okay, Anon, you don't need to- WAIT ANON WHAT?!"
>She snaps over to the door and gives a relieved sigh.
>"Almost thought we were gonna be trapped for a second..."
"Hey, I'm dumb, but I ain't stupid."
>"Oh, n-no, I didn't mean it like-"
>You swoop in and hug her.
"You worry about pleasing me too much, Ary. It's cute."
>You feel her face practically catch on fire.
>"R-really?"
"No, I'm lying to you."
>"O-oh... r-really?"
"No."
>"R-really?"
>You smile.

>You smile and squeeze her a bit.
"Yes, really."
>Her face gets even warmer.
>You're actually slightly worried that it'll burn you, somehow.
>But regardless, you hug the hell out of her.
>Throw in a couple of hair brushes, too.
>She coos, then sighs.
>"I'm sorry, Anon. I just can't stand it when things don't go as planned. I try my best..."
"I know you do, Ary. That's why you shouldn't worry about me as much as everything else."
>"...Yeah, I guess that's true... you're leaving tomorrow, anyways..."
"Exactly. You've got plenty of more important things to worry about!"
>"N-not AS important..."
"What was that?"
>"Oh, n-nothing, Anon..."
"Alrighty then. Just remember, I'm always here for you, alright? I'll still be around, but I just won't be HERE."
>In fact, you never even got an orange jumpsuit.
>Well, hell, you shouldn't have been taken here in the first place, on account of doing literally nothing wrong, but still.
>Unless wearing suits and being tall is illegal.
>"Y-yeah..."
>You quietly rub her back and calm her down.
>You could imagine how stressful being a warden is, even here.
>Your train of thought is quickly broken as you start to hear the collective sound of hooves on the floor.
>Must be everyone moving out from dinner.
>You watch all the boxes and things slightly shaking around you, on account of some ponies running.
>Then you see the broom by the door starting to fall.
"Oh hell-"
>It suddenly clicks shut.
>You and Aryanne are just left in the dark, still hugging.
>You sigh.
"...Well. I should've seen THIS coming..."

>There's a small moment of reflection between you both.
>You reflect on how retarded you are to have not secured that door.
>You're sure that Aryanne's reflecting on how retarded you are as well.
>...

>You're currently taking a moment to reflect how horrible and great this situation is.
>Horrible, because your date with Anon is ruined...
>But great, because you've gotten the chance at a BETTER date!
>Never in your life have you ever met somepony so nice, and gentle, and strong...
>Being honest, being the warden is a very lonely job...
>The ponies outside seem to be scared of you and your title, and the ponies inside only see you as 'the boss'.
>But Anon here...
>He didn't see you as 'the warden' or the 'missus'.
>He saw you as Aryanne.
>And that's all you've ever wanted from somepony.
>Anon was the full package, pony or not.
>You feel his arm reach into his pocket and pull something out.
>It's solid, and slightly cold.
>Then you see it catch on fire.
>You stare at it, now finally being able to see Anon's face with its light.
>And how close you were to him.
>...Just a little lean away from his lips...
>He smiles.
>You feel yourself blushing.
>-Why do you blush so much?
>You feel yourself scrunching because of your blushing.
>Ugh.
>"Jesus, you're so cute, Ary."
>Your face starts burning.
>He laughs.
>"Man, we REALLY need something for light. This is pretty ridiculous."
"I think there's some lanterns in here. We just have to find them."
>"Then find them, we shall!"
>He flips you hooves facing upwards.
>You love it.
>It's your favorite way of being carried.
>It gives you the perfect opportunity to snuggle into him, with his big, strong, yet... gentle, arms.
>You softly sigh and smile as he carries you.
>"Comfy?"
>You open your eyes and notice his amused grin.
>You blush again.
>He coos.
>"Awwww..."

>After avoiding his gaze, he starts walking around aimlessly.
>To be honest, you don't really even know this storage place.
>It started off as extra bedroom, then turned into a closet full of stuff nopony really needed.
>And it was pretty big.
>"I'm not gonna lie, but this darkness is creeping me out. This is how scary movies go, you know."
"SCARY movies?"
>He looks shocked.
>"You guys don't have scary movies here?"
>You shake your head.
>"Weeell, I can kinda understand that."
>He continues walking, then trips seconds later.
>He quickly held you above him as he fell, landing on his face with a loud slapping noise.
>It look like it hurt.
>A lot.
>"Every moment I live, is AGONY."
"Sweet Celestia, Anon, are you okay?!"
>He groans.
>You hop out of his arms and attempt to pick him up.
>"Wait, where'd the lighter go?"
>You both turn and see it lying on the floor, next to a huge stack of art supplies.
>FLAMMABLE art supplies.
>"Oh shi-"
>It quickly catches fire.
>"OH SHIT!"
>Anon hops up, and you quickly start looking for something to put it out with.
>There's nothing.
>Anon's stomping on it fruitlessly.
>He throws his coat over it and continues stomping.
>His coat just catches on fire.
>"GODDAMN IT, THAT WAS EXPENSIVE!"
>Come on, come on Aryanne, there's got to be a fire extinguisher SOMEWHERE!
>Then you spot one by the corner.
>"Anon!"
>You point at it.
>You were never able to carry fire extinguishers right...
>He sprints over to it, pulls the pin, and squeezes it.
>Nothing comes out.
>"What the- THIS IS A PROP!"
>He angrily throws it at the ever-growing fire.
>"Jesus, where's the entrance? We should call for help!"
>Right, he's right!
>You quickly run back to where you remember the door being and start frantically knocking.
"Anypony? Anypony! Help us!! HELP!"
>"Aw SHIT, SHIT, SHIIIIIT!"
>You turn back and see Anon just throwing things at the fire.
>Then he just sprints back to you.
>"Oh man, it's fucked! We're fucked!"

>He grabs you by the shoulders and looks into your eyes.
>"Ary, if we don't make it out of here alive... I don't even know! What do people usually say in these kinds of situations?!"
>He gets up and starts quickly pacing back and forth, before sprinting between the fire and some shelves, frantically looking around.
>You resume banging on the door for help.
>Then a thought hits you.
>You feel a small shiver run down your back.
>What... what if these are actually the last few moments you have left?
>The room's sealed shut and pretty soundproof, as all the other rooms are.
>Everypony came back from dinner to their rooms.
>No other rooms are nearby you.
>...What if this is the last time you'll see Anon?
>You stop your knocking and turn your head back.
>He's standing by a few shelves, quickly running his hands through his hair and frantically pacing around.
>You suddenly feel your heart racing.
>Your mind becomes set on only one thing.
>You see yourself ignoring even the fire raging inside the room as you slowly walk over to him.
>He looks absolutely frightened.
>"It's a dream, it IS a dream! It's not real!!"
>His eyes turn to you, then start to get watery.
>"It's... it's not a dream..."
>He sits on the floor and stares at it, holding his hands on top of his head.
>You see a tear fall from his left eye.
>You slowly walk up to him.
>He looks up at you with a defeated look.
>"Aryanne... I, I'm sor-"
>You lean forwards and pull him into a kiss.
>He tenses up for a moment, then closes his eyes and relaxes.
>Suddenly, time seems to slow to a crawl.
>The fire seems to fade away from your mind.
>The room disappears.
>You're no longer just 'the warden' anymore...
>...You're with Anon...
>The only one who's treated you right.
>The only one who's cared for you.
>And the one who you were sharing, quite possibly, your last moments with.
>He was now all that mattered to you.
>Until the end.

>You savor the moment as best you can.
>But eventually, you break away, needing to get something off of your chest.
>You take a deep breath of the smoke-filled air and stare straight into Anon's eyes.
>Then your heart sinks.
>You immediately regret your doing.
>You haven't even known him for a full day, and you already pulled THAT?
>Why would he EVER feel the same way about you that you do with him?
>Why would you ever think he'd-
>You get pulled into another kiss.
>You close your eyes and try your best to ignore the smoke filling your lungs at the moment.
>You try to focus on only Anon and his embrace, but it proves fruitless.
>You're starting to feel woozy.
>You break it and start to cough.
>You walk up to Anon and rest in his arms again.
"I'll... I'll be alright as long as I'm with you, Anon..."
>You close your eyes, quickly feeling very weak.
>...

>Aryanne just passed out in your arms.
>You pick her up and sprint towards the door.
>You brace yourself and slam into it with your shoulder.
>It doesn't budge.
>Fuck, fuck, fuck NO!
>You stand back and try kicking the door in.
>Doesn't budge.
>Goddamn it!
>You turn to the wall beside the door.
>You kick it.
>It actually cracks.
>Holy shit, you're getting somewhere!
>You kick it again and get your goddamn foot stuck in the wall.
>You fall on your ass and finally use your free leg to kick your other one free.
>To the side, you notice a box with a hammer in it.
>You quickly grab that shit and start smashing the dicks out of the wall.
>You see the damn wool filling in it.
>It's soundproof.
>You angrily start ripping the wool shit away, and make a small hole.
>You finish the smashing on the other end, feeling a bit dizzy.
>You can see a small light from the other side peeking through, and you frantically tear it apart.
>And of course, it only seems big enough for Aryanne.
>You gently push her through the wall and into the other side.
>Her rump gets stuck.
>Son of a bitch.

"Out of ALL the ways to get royally fucked..."
>You try to push her ass outside, but it doesn't budge.
>The only time that having a plump rump is bad.
"Son of a bitch!"
>You cover your mouth with your shirt and go looking around for something, ANYTHING, to keep living with.
>Boxes full of utensils, trays, blankets and shit.
>You're fucked.
>If there was a goddamn fire blanket here, you'd be golden.
>But there's only blankets that CATCH on fire.
>You grab one of the shelves and toss it into the fire.
>You get everything that's not flammable and throw in on top of the fire.
>It still no use.
>You start coughing.
>It's not a dream.
>You're gonna die here.
>You've read up on how hypoxia goes, though.
>Supposedly, it's not that bad of a way to die.
>To the side, you see Aryanne's legs start to kick.
>"A-Anon? Anon?! Gah, I'm stuck!!"
>You lean forward and softly brush a leg.
>"Anon, is that you?! Are you still stuck in there?!"
"Don't worry about me, Ary, I'm fine."
>"N-no!! I'll get you out of there, promise!"
"It's fine. I've dealt with worse situations."
>Because you'd take smoke over cat shit any day.
>"No, Anon!! HELP! SOMEPONY HELP!"
"I'll be alright as long as I'm with you, Ary."
>"HELP! ANON'S STUCK!"
"Heh, 'never let go, Jack.' God, that movie was so gay."
>"SOMEPONY!!!"
>You lie down on the ground and stare at the ceiling.
"My only regret... is never being able to play Fallout 4..."
>You cough and start feeling extremely dizzy.
>The room before you gets blurry.
>You sigh and slowly close your eyes.
"I hope Jesus has Steam..."
>You softly laugh at your own horrible joke.
>Everything fades.

>
>Everything comes back.
>Wait, what the fuck?
>Your eyes snap open to Nurse Redheart kissing the shit out of you.
>Though not unwelcome, it's very confusing.
>She pulls back and sees you looking at her.
>She smiles, then blushes furiously.
>"He's alive!"
>"Celestia, really?! Where is he? I can't see him!!"
>You sit up and take note of the huge fucking fire still raging a few feet away from you.
"AW SHIT, GET DA WATER NIGGA!"
>For some reason, you figured if you passed out, you'd wake up in a SAFE environment.
>But, at least the door was fucking open.
>Then, right on cue, two guards fly past you and start splashing the hell out of the fire.
>You look to your right and see that Aryanne's still stuck in the wall.
>Sweetie Drops is kicking the shit out of it and is quickly freeing her.
>She's pretty goddamn strong, actually.
>Well, for a pony who was arrested for having too many cats, that is.
>Redheart goes back to you and flashes a light in your face.
>"Don't close your eyes. Look at me."
>She shines them at your eyes and smiles.
>"Well, at least you won't be a vegetable, Anon! You should be glad we showed up when we did!"
>You still felt dizzy as dicks.
>"Alright, now let's get you out of here before you suffer any brain damage!"
>She stands you up and has you lean on her while you walk.
>After only a few seconds, some more guards come by and meet you with a wheelchair and an oxygen mask.
>Before you can say anything, it's put on you, and you're sat down.
>Redheart pats your shoulder.
>"You're good, Anon, you're good. Now let's go back to my office. Sweetie will bring the warden around."
>You nod again and start moving the chair yourself.
>She sounded like she was having a hard time pushing you.
>"You've got it?"
>You nod again and start rolling down the hallway.
>Were you really... DEAD a few minutes ago?
>The thought haunts you.
>And it wasn't as exciting as you thought it'd be.
>Your mind blanks out for a short moment as you wheel through the hallway.

>Then you hear the sound of hooves racing towards you.
>It's Aryanne, with a ring of drywall still clung around her rump.
>She jumps on and hugs you.
>"Anon!"
>You recover from the blow and smile.
"Hey, Ary. You seem excited."
>You look at the drywall and softly laugh.
>Her eyes seem to sparkle as they watch you.
>"I'm just glad that you're alright, Anon."
"Yeah, well I'm glad I'm alright, too."
>She gives you an unamused look.
"Oh, I'm just joking. Though I'm grateful I won't have to pencil in any funerals today."
>She hugs you again, then lies in your lap while you continue towards Redheart's office.
>And though the initial shock seemed to of worn off already, you knew you would never be able to shake away today.
>Your thoughts drift back to the whole 'dream' thing.
>There was no doubt that this was real, now.
>You were now officially stuck here.
>Wherever 'here' was.
>And you hadn't even thought about yourself back home.
>Were you teleported?
>Were you dead already?
>Were you cloned somehow?
>You shook the thoughts away and just focused on Aryanne.
>Though, you knew that these were thoughts you'd have to fully acknowledge.
>At some point.
>"Okay, we're here, Anon."
>Redheart opens her office door and lets you wheel in.
>You're feeling a lot less uncoordinated now.
>Aryanne hops off, and Redheart ushers you to a bed.
"So, how come you made me come here? I've got a room."
>"Because I want to see the extent of the damage. There seems to be no MAJOR problems, as far as I know, but you both couldn't have inhaled that much smoke without any kind of consequence. Especially not enough to warrant CPR."
>Her cheeks grow red.
>"Now please, both of you, lie down. I've got a job to do!"

"Sure thing, doc."
>You and Aryanne climb onto the beds and lie your asses down.
>Redheart comes around with what looks like a flat screen TV on wheels and places it beside you.
>You can see yourself enveloped in a white glow.
>"Hmm... Well, you're MOSTLY alright, Anon! A few years shaved off here and there, but alright!"
"...A few years? From what?"
>"Well, aside from the obvious bit of lung damage, you have a very, VERY-very-very small bit of brain damage..."
"Wow, what great news."
>Aryanne gasps.
>"How is that great news, Anon?!"
>Wow, these ponies REALLY don't understand sarcasm.
"I'm kidding, Ary."
>She pauses, then slowly lies back down, a worried look still crossing her face.
>"Y-yeah, I knew that..."
>Redheart just clicks her tongue and brings the TV thing around to her.
>After a short, magic-y moment, she lowers herself and stares at its screen.
>"...Alright, for the most part, you're pretty much unscathed. No minor signs of damage anywhere... It seems Anon here took your part of it."
>You lazily wave your arms in the air.
"Woooo."
>"And, you know, if I'm being honest here, I expected a LOT more life-threatening stuff here. Anon, you never cease to amaze me. It's a good you reacted how you did."
"Y-you too..."
>She blushes.
>"S-so then... Will you two need any help getting to your rooms?"
>The offer is tempting.
"Hmm... Nah, I think we're good."
>"Okay, Anon..."
"And hey, you ever need anything, just drop by, alright? I'm only here for a few more hours."
>She nods.
>You and Aryanne hop off the beds and leave the office.
>You're both silent.
>Now alone, something keeps nagging you.
>You keep glancing at her every few moments, and you've caught her doing the same.
>You have to say something...
"...So, about earlier..."
>"About earlier..."
>You both pause.
>"You first."
"You go first."
>Another pause.
"Ladies first."
>She paws at the ground and stares.
>"Did... Did you mean those things you said?"
"...That's what I was gonna ask."

>"W-well, I'd like to know on your part..."
>You run a hand through your hair.
"See, I've seen too many chick-flicks to know that we'll either have the same opinion here, or one of us is going to seem like a major dick because of this. Can we just... can we keep an adult mindset here? We're both adults, right?"
>She nods.
"And because of how weird this might be, I suggest that we both say our answers at the same time. Sound good?"
>She hesitates, but slowly nods.
"Okay, I'll count down."
>You use your hands to start from three.
>Two, one-
>"Yes."
"I think."
>You both pause, trying to siphon out the other's answer.
>"Y-you... You 'think'?"
>That look in her eyes...
>Wrong answer.
>Big time.
>"H-how don't you know?"
>She looks hurt.
"Okay, I've got a bit of explaining to do, here..."
>She just nods.
"Well, I guess to start off, I only just figured out about an hour ago that this ISN'T all a dream, and I was somehow torn from my world or killed or something..."
>"You... you thought this was a dream? S-so... everything was FAKE?"
"Woah, woah, no! I told myself I'd just go with the flow, so everything I've done here is purely me, but... I was in the mindset that I actually had a world to come back and wake up to. NOW, I've just found out that pretty much everybody I know and love- every single thing I've seen, touched, felt, is probably all gone, like it never even happened in the first place..."
>She just stays silent.
"I guess... as stupid as it sounds, it's not you, it's, literally, ME. I've got some rethinking, possibly a few nights of uncontrollable crying ahead of me while the realization passes..."
>You lose yourself in thought, and see Aryanne just looking up at you with a sad look.
>"I-I understand... I think..."
>You can see how much she's hurting.
>It kills you.
>And, it's not her fault you thought your life was a lie here.
>And... thinking of this from a logical standpoint, shit like this is always better with others...

>She softly sighs and stands up.
>Thinking half from your mind and half from your heart, you swoop in, pick her up, and kiss her while she's in your arms.
>And, due to the lack of raging fires and fucking smoke and shit everywhere, it's actually pleasant.
>Her face is so damn red you can name it as its own hue.
>And, you're going to admit, you're not a good kisser.
>At all.
>You got fit because you wanted to get some damn scholarships and leave your mom's house, but by then, well, pony prison happened.
>Not many women are attracted to men living in their cat-infested mother's house, handsome or not.
>Though you were told many times how good looking you were.
>...Fucking cats cockblocked you.
>So, the kiss, was wet, sloppy, and holy shit, was it arousing.
>But, for now, you just wanted massive cuddles.
>And you still needed to cuddle every fucking pony in this goddamn prison.
>Every, single, ONE.
>You felt one of her hind legs slightly kick.
>And, especially being with your mother, when you saw movie scenes with hardcore, tongues flailing kind of kissing, you looked away.
>But this, THIS.
>You were practically eating each other's faces, in a very sensual way.
>Though the kiss itself probably looked normal from the outside, inside was a full on wrestling match, or World War III.
>It was the best shit ever.
>But finally, she taps out, and with your superior human lungs, you come out, smiling.
>There's even a string of saliva still connecting you both.
>And though you still thought that shit was kinda disgusting, hell if it wasn't arousing.
>And you could've sworn you read somewhere that making out with someone was the equivalent of licking a public bathroom toilet bowl.
>But, licking toilet bowls didn't get you hard, so fuck science, and germs and shit.
>Plus, after living with nine million cats, you're pretty sure you've got loads of them.
>The thought hits the shit out of you.
>Now you feel like taking a shower.

>Hmm, maybe you could take a shower with Ary?
>And Jesus, why are you even going on this thought trip?
>Your mind's going fucking crazier than a goddamn kid on Christmas.
>...See?
>Where the hell did that come from?
>When the hell did you start making analogies?
>You blink and focus on the cute white pony in your arms.
>She looks like she's melting.
>"O-oh my g-gosh..."
>You laugh.
>Wait, why did you kiss her anyways?
>Other than really wanting to, of course...
>-Oh, right!
"I take back everything I said. If I'm gonna live a new life here, I want you in it."
>She lazily nods and smiles.
>"I-I..."
>You just smile and start walking down the hallway.
>You're smile never fades.
>You take a short moment to notice that.
>You've... you've actually never been this happy before.
>Tomorrow seems like it'll be EXCITING.
>You're not dreading the shit out of tests, or cats, or more awkward movie nights with your lonely mother.
>-Fuck.
>Though, you ARE dreading being thrown out of the prison...
>That thought never hit you until now...
>You're still technically an inmate, still...
>Hmm...
>Well, maybe you could put yourself back in here?
>What COUNTS as a crime, anyways?
>Other than too many cats?
>...Maybe you could flip over a table, or litter or something...
>But you don't want to do anything TOO dickish...
>Your mind snaps back as you realize you walked past Ary's room.
>She's still too out of it to really notice.
>Man, either you're a better kisser than you thought, or you just deprived her of so much oxygen that she became a retard.
>You laugh.
>You open the door and walk inside.
>The wine and shit is still out and open.
>You place Ary on the bed with a 'pomf'.
>"What are we gonna do on the bed, Anon?"
>You grab the bottle.
"I'd say to let the wine decide."
>She smiles.
>You smile.
>Then a frown slowly crosses both your faces.
"...We still don't have any glasses."

>You both sigh.
>"So... What do you want to do, then?"
>You shrug.
"...Let's just sleep, I guess. Pretty sure I'll have a few hours free 'till I leave tomorrow."
>She slightly frowns.
>"O-ok, Anon..."
>You nod and stand up from her bed.
>You cover the bottle and leave it on her nightstand, then start walki-
>"-Y-you can sleep here tonight, i-if you want..."
>She's staring at the bed and twirling her hair with a hoof.
>How in the hell do you say no to THAT?
"Sure, Ary."
>She lights up and throws the covers over for you.
>You hop in, and she assumes the position of the little spoon.
>Aside from pillows and a few fucking cats that managed to slip into your room back home, you'd never actually gotten the chance to cuddle like this.
>It's... great, to say the least.
>"Goodnight, Anon."
"Goodnight, Ary."
>You turn behind yourself and flip the lights off.
>Once you close your eyes, it's when you finally notice how tiring nearly dying actually is.
>"I... I love you, Anon..."
>

>Well shit, day two is here!
>And you're on the edge of the bed.
>With no blanket.
>How the fuck did you sleep like this?
>You slowly turn around and see the beautiful, blanket-hogging creature that is Aryanne.
>She's sprawled out on the bed, practically pushing your shit off.
>And because of how small the beds are, and how much you had to curl up just to lie properly, you're barely even ON the bed.
>You sigh and face the wall, before Ary turns and pushes you off, forcing your face into her nightstand in the process.
"GAH! FUCK! OH, MY FACE!"
>Your ass falls on the floor, and by the time you look up, Aryanne's already sitting, watching you with a worried expression.
>"Oh my gosh! Anon, are you okay?!"
"I think I broke my face."
>She hops off and sits by your side.
>"D-did I do that?"

"...No, I think I magically floated into the nightstand."
>"...So a Unicorn snuck in here?! Where is she?!"
>She turns around and starts growling.
"Okay, no, I fell off myself."
>With some goddamn help.
>She flocks by your side and hugs you.
>"Does it hurt? Is there anything I can do?"
"Well, I'd say to sit there and stay cute, but you seem to be doing that already."
>She blushes.
>Jesus.
>You'll never understand how you've avoided all these heart attacks after that first one.
>Then the room's door swings open.
>"-Warden, Princess Celestia is here and..."
>The stallion guard pony just stops and looks between you both.
>He finally settles for glaring at you with what you could only imagine as pure hatred.
>Dirty peasant doesn't know who he's glaring at...
>-Or, maybe he does, which is why he'd be glaring at you in the first place...
>"-She requests to see Anonymous."
"Oh, si, presente!"
>He just replies with a confused scrunch.
>His eyes never leave yours as he slowly closes the door with a loud, prolonged creak.
>...After a good minute or two, the door clicks shut.
"Well that guy was creepy."
>"-Princess Celestia, though? Why would she come here again?"
>You shrug.
"But we best move before she comes by and stabs us with that horn of hers..."
>Seriously, that thing is sharp as fucking dicks.
>-Well, no, dicks aren't that sharp.
>But it's scary.
>Almost impaled you the last time you snuggled her shit.
>She just nods, and you throw on your shoes before heading out the door with Ary.
>Immediately you notice that, once again, she was on her way from all across the goddamn hallway.
>You just pick Aryanne up and speedwalk your shit up to her.
>This time, she has no guards with her.
>And because of your brilliantly long strides, you stood before her in practically no time at all.
>"Good morning, Anon."
"Celly."
>You place Aryanne down, more for her sake, in order to avoid getting impaled.
>A simple bow from this bitch could kill you pretty damn quickly.

>"I'm quite certain you know why I'm here, correct?"
"Nobel Peace Prize?"
>She pauses, then shakes her head, before brandishing a letter in your face.
>"I have brought you your pardon. You're free now, Anon."
"Okay, thanks."
>You take the letter in your hands and flash a small smirk.
>Celestia just nods, then looks between you and the letter.
>"...You're not going to read the letter?"
"Hmm? Oh, probably later."
>"Oh, ok, ok... good..."
"Yep."
>She takes a long breath before pawing at the ground with her hoof and staring at the ceiling.
>You take to the floor.
>"Sooo... aren't you going to say thank you?"
>Your train of thought derails, with no survivors.
"-Huh?"
>She clears her throat.
>"Don't you, uh... wanna say thank you? For the pardon?"
"Oh, right!... Thank you!"
>Her smile slowly fades.
>"Umm, did- didn't your species have a certain way of saying thank you?"
"...Why?"
>"Well, I just thought we could do this all traditionally... You know, with you saying thanks the way your species does...?"
"Oh, okay. Sure, I guess."
>She smiles.
>You slowly shuffle over to her and get pulled into a hug.
>However, it's a bit weird, only because of how much she's leaning on you.
>If you didn't lift, you would be dead already.
>You just awkwardly wrap your arms around her and pat her back.
>It's dangerously close to her rump.
>It lasts about a minute.
>It feels like Avatar and a half.
>She sighs and lets go.
>"Well then! Anonymous, you are most certainly welcome for your pardon, and I hope to see you soon!"
>You smile and nod.
>She walks away.
>Alright, well, that was fucking weird.

>You and Aryanne share a quick, 'what the fuck was that' look, then smile.
>Then her eyes lower to the letter in your hand.
>Her smile suddenly fades.
>Yours immediately follows.
>"S-so I'm really happy for you, Anon! Finally, you're free!"
>Her smile is clearly forced.
"Ha, y-yeah! I'm free!"
>It fades again.
>"I-I don't want you to go, Anon..."
>You nod in understanding and kneel.
>Aryanne quickly hops up and wraps you in her embrace.
>You sigh.
"So, then... is this it? This job isn't a twenty-four seven thing, is it?"
>She slowly nods.
>Well that's a load of shit...
>You look at the letter again.
>You focus on the royal crest printed on it.
>You frown.
>Then you tear the letter up.
>"W-what are you doing?"
"If being free means I gotta leave you, then I'd rather not be."
>She smiles and hugs you again.
>"The Princess probably has copies."
"...Oh."
>"But, I'm glad you'd be willing to do that for me..."
"Even though it pretty much means jackshit?"
>"Yeah..."
>You stare at the ground while you idly hug her.
>Then, a brilliantly brilliant idea comes to mind.
"Why don't I become a guard here or something?"
>Aryanne gasps.
>"Anon, that's a BRILLIANT idea!"
>Damn right it is.
>"But... that means you have to become a citizen, do a few tests... you up for that?"
"I probably couldn't fuck up these tests as bad as my college finals, so hell yeah!"
>"Great! This is so great! Come on, let's go get everything set up, Mr. Guard Anon!"
>Well shit, this is happening, then.
>Aryanne runs off towards her room.
>You join in.

"Seriously? THIS is my study guide?"
>It's a children's book.
>Aryanne just shrugs.
>"You're in a bit of an... odd predicament. Most of the things you need to know in becoming a citizen is stuff taught REALLY early."
"Can't we have like, a crash course or something? I was kind of hoping that this guard thing would happen sometime in the near future."
>"Yeah, well, Equestria's history is a lengthy thing."
"...You know, I've never really seen how citizenship tests back home go, but I'm pretty sure you just had to know what country you were standing in. THIS, is pretty damn ridiculous."
>She shrugs.
"Can't I be considered a citizen, anyways? If we detailed here, I was technically 'born' IN Equestria."
>She puts a hoof to her chin.
>"Mmmmmmmmaaayyybbbeee..."
"-Was drawing that out necessary-"
>"I think if we could go to some sort of court or something, they'd definitely be able to-"
"Wait, isn't the Princess still here?"
>"Probably. It's only been a few min-"
>You jump to your feet and hightail the fuck out of the room and down the hall.
>Immediately, you actually see her at the very end of it, chatting with Surprise.
>HIGH GEAR, NIGGA!
>NEED FOR SPEED!
>You let the inner Usain Bolt take over and dart through the hall.
>...It's a bit funny that the fastest running dude is black.
>They've always gotta be black to run fast...
>Through your long strides, you're practically flying.
>Not only lifting, but doing that color run thing was worth it.
>Though, that colored shit they threw at you towards the end make you cough and wheeze like a motherfucker.
>Such a wonderful, momentous occasion, ruined by a blast of colored powder in your fucking face, which you should've remembered was coming.
>Your thoughts come back to the Princess a little ways from you, and you hit the brakes.
>But you're going so fast that you manage to trip over yourself and fall on your goddamn face.
>It's about ten times worse than the nightstand you fell into.
"Ouch."

>"Ah, Anonymous! What can I do to- for you?"
>You think you broke your fucking nose.
>It hurts like a nigger.
"Can I become an Equestrian citizen?"
>You wince and slowly start flipping over.
>"Oh, of course, Anon! But, on ONE condition-"
>You rest on your back and come face to face with the ceiling and Surprise's and Celestia's now horrified expressions facing you.
"...What?"
>Surprise faints on top of you.
"Ouch."
>Celestia points at your nose.
>"You're a... you... uh..."
>You reach a hand towards your nose and wince.
"Yup, that's fucking broken."
>"Yeeaahh... well... I'm just going to go, now..."
>She backs away slowly.
>Soon, you hear hoofsteps rushing towards you from the other end of the hallway.
>Aryanne hops over to you, then faints as well.
"Goddamn it... Redheart? Nurse?"
>Almost immediately afterwards, you hear more hoofsteps headed your way.
>They're slow.
>You hear a soft sigh, then see Redheart.
>"Broke your nose?"
>You nod.
"I fell on my face."
>She lazily nods.
>"Let's get you up, then..."
>
"That's IT?"
>"Yup."
>You're staring at your own reflection in the mirror, fixed face and all.
>And you only drank a potion.
"Jesus, if only Earth had this stuff..."
>You splash yourself and clean the blood from your face.
>Makes you wonder what the pony equivalent of Viagra does.
>Well, it's kinda self-explanatory, but still.
>Fuckin' potions, man.
>"So then, care to tell me WHY you were running down the hall?"
"...You heard that?"
>"Made my way to you before you even called."
"Oh. Thanks."
>"It's only the job I'm underpaid for, Anon. No need to thank me."
>You walk over and cuddle her.
"Too late."

>
>Aryanne stamps the paper before you.
>You put on a shocked look.
"O-oh my gooosh, I ACTUALLY got the job?!"
>She just rolls her eyes and smiles.
>"And I've got all the uniforms and gear right over here!"
"Gear? Badass! Do I get pepper spray?! A taser?"
>She just stares at you.
>"...Tay-zur?"
"-Damn it..."
>"What is it?"
"It's this black box thing that shocks people."
>"...That sounds like it'd hurt..."
"It does! That's what makes it so cool!"
>"...H-how is that COOL?!"
"I dunno. I guess it's just the feeling of having so much... power. Haven't YOU ever felt like that, being the warden and all?"
>"No..."
"Well, you feel it once, you get addicted. It's pretty cool."
>She pauses and puts a hoof to her muzzle in thought.
"But anyways-"
>You pick her up from her chair.
"I've got a uniform to grab, and you've got one to put on."
>She looks down at herself and squeaks in embarrassment.
"No need to feel embarrassed, Ary. I could get used to seeing you without clothes."
>She blushes again, then hops out of your arms towards her closet.
>She snaps it open and grabs her Nazi-looking uniform.
>...Seriously, all it needs is a few Swastikas.
>Once she puts it on the bed, you're pleasantly surprised to see a black pair of panties as part of the uniform.
>Probably to avoid having your clothes brush up against everything, you presume.
>"Y-you'll find your uniform in the closet..."
>She turns and sees you staring at her uniform.
>She blushes when she notices what part.
>"I-it's protocol!"
You grin.
"I'm liking this protocol, then."
>Her face grows redder.
>You walk over, and sure enough, there's some guard-looking uniforms there.
"Why do you have the uniforms here anyways?"
>"Because the storage room no longer exists..."
"Oh. Right.

>You pick up the "uniform" and realize how goddamned small it is.
>It was made for stallions, and not a guy that's six feet tall.
>Regardless, you take off your button up shirt, getting a cold reminder that your coat is just ashes in another room.
>In your peripherals, you see Aryanne staring.
>She's not being subtle about it, either.
>Though, you're still wearing an undershirt, so you're not exactly sure what she's drooling over.
>You slip the uniform on and immediately hate it.
>It fits like a fucking glove, and you hate gloves.
>It might as well be spandex or some shit, the way it's hugging you.
>And the undershirt is just making it feel worse, because it's bigger than your uniform.
>Well then, guess you've gotta give Ary something to drool about if you want to stay comfortable.
>You take the thing off, then your undershirt.
>You hear a very excited gasp from your left.
>You cock an eyebrow and see Aryanne LITERALLY drooling this time.
>You just stare at the bit of saliva that drips from her mouth onto the floor.
>You laugh.
"I take it you like what you see?"
>She quickly bobs her head up and down.
>Her face is matching the color of red on her uniform.
>She's shaking a little bit.
>It's adorable.
>Though, you're sure what's going through her mind isn't adorable.
>Possibly fun, but not adorable.
>Finally, you throw your uniform back on.
>It's so damn tight you're sure it'll fuse with your skin.
>You do a few stretches and surprisingly don't hear any tearing.
>The minute you can, though, you're getting a bigger shirt.
>You turn your focus back to your shirt and fold that shit up.
>When you turn back, you see Aryanne putting on your already-favorite part of her uniform.
>She's blushing furiously.
>She can't seem to put them on right.
>It's your time to drool.
>She sees you staring and blushes harder.
>"I-I don't know how I got them on before..."
>Yeah, they don't look like they fit.
>Just like back in the storage room, her rump is just too big.

>And now it's your turn to think naughty things.
>And holy shit, you think A LOT.
>"C-can you help me, Anon? Please?"
"W-with pleasure."
>Jesus, did you just stutter?
>You shake your head.
>Alright, just gotta help her out.
>Don't kick it into rabbit mode or anything.
>You take two steps toward her and take in the sight.
>Those things are about halfway on, and are squeezing her flanks like no tomorrow.
>Her GLORIOUS flanks, mind you.
>You'd be taking so many pictures right now if you had a camera.
>She scrunches.
>"J-just h-help!"
"Hey, you stared at me, it's only common courtesy to let me do the same."
>She just keeps scrunching.
>It's so goddamn cute you're surprised you didn't somehow get flung into the Nth dimension.
>Because nothing on this planet should be that cute.
>And the glory of all this is that you get both cute, AND lewd.
>It's the best of both worlds, really.
>You shake your head.
>Amazing or not, you're sure that thing'd cut circulation after a while.
>You reach over and put your hands on her flanks.
>So far, so good.
>And damn, is it REALLY good.
>They're so soft and plush.
>They're literally like pillows.
>Squishy, fluffy pillows.
>You grab the strings of the panties and slowly try pulling them up.
>Jesus, this is fucking difficult.
>You grunt and try pulling that crap up again, lifting her hind legs a bit in the process.
>Finally, they slowly start moving over her curvy rump.
>With one quick tug, you pull them over, eliciting a gasp from her.
>What was-
>Oh.
>That thing is REALLY tight.
>It's, like, inside her.
>You can see her folds down below practically hugging the string.
>"G-get it off! Etz too tight!"
>You pause.
>...Was that a German accent?
>You shake your head.
>You grab the strings again and try pulling downwards.
>It instantly tears.
"Oh. Well shit."

>You hear the door open.
>Aryanne, out of pure embarrassment, pushes herself against you to avoid being seen.
>You turn around and see that guard guy from earlier.
>He pauses.
>"...What."
"What?"
>He just looks between you both.
>That's when you realize you both look like you're doing it.
"Oh, uh, she was having some wardrobe malfunctions, and, uh-"
>"-Why are you wearing a guard outfit?"
"Oh, I'm a guard, now!"
>He frowns.
>While staring at you, he just slowly backs out of the door again.
>"Letter from the Princesssss..."
>It shuts.
"...Alrighty, then."
>"I wish I could disappear right now..."
>You turn again and just see Aryanne covering her face with her hooves.
"Aw, don't be like that! Sure that was horribly embarrassing, but you can always just use your power as the warden to shut them up!"
>She looks at you.
>"I...I can?"
"Sure ya can! Just gotta assert yourself, become a badass, you know? Take this place with an iron fis- hoof!"
>"How?"
"Hell, I could show you, being a guard and everything, now. I still haven't told you how prisons are back home."
>Then a thought hits you.
"Actually, I haven't told you ANYTHING about home. Or me. Hmm."
>She thinks about it, too.
>You both just stare each other.
"Have we just been doing this over mutual attraction?"
>She slowly nods.
"...Well that's gonna change! We're going to get a legit date, wine glasses and all, and talk about our lives and shit!"
>Shit literally, if you mention the cats.
>"...That sounds nice."
"You're damn right it sounds nice! Now, let's get you in this uniform and get some damn food in here, 'cause I need some food in me!"
>She nods, then slowly steps away from you.
>There's a wet spot on your pants.
>Goddamn it.

>You go to grab your 'gear' while Aryanne finishes putting the rest of her uniform on.
>Your gear is just a weak, plastic baton and a spray bottle filled with water.
"...This is it?"
>Aryanne looks at you, already done with her pants, and nods.
"You should get, I dunno, real batons or something."
>"There's no need. Everypony here is very well-behaved as it is."
>...Well, she's got you there.
>Still though, no doubt having one would be really cool.
>You turn back and see her putting on her hat on top of everything.
>The only thing not so Nazi-ish was the skirt of hers.
>But, it did look horribly cute, so who the hell were you to complain?
>"Ready to go?"
"Ready when you are, m'lady."
>She starts walking, then pauses.
>After a quick rummaging through the closet, she pulls out a hat and puts it on your head.
>"Forgot about this."
>You grab and inspect it.
>Holy shit, you got a Nazi-looking hat!
>Niiice.
"Thanks, Ary."
>She smiles, and you both head out the door.
>Instinctively, you pick her up.
>She doesn't protest in the slightest, and just buries herself in your chest again.
"Toooo the cafeteria!"
>You begin the long, grueling walk.
>Then you see that guard from earlier.
>Didn't he say something about a letter from the Princess?
>Eh, it can wait.
>Breakfast IS the most important meal of the day, after all.
>"So, how WERE prisons back in your home?"
>You smile.
>Where to start?
"Well, before I say anything, I'll tell you, it's REALLY bad, compared to this. And what goes on in it is even worse."
>"I... I still want to hear about them."
"Alrighty, then."
>You clear your throat.
"Well, first off, those prisons aren't mixed. You've got guy prisons, and you've got girl prisons. THEN, everything is usually made out of concrete, and very grey. There's barbed wire everywhere, guards everywhere, no arts and craft rooms, no playground, no pudding-"
>"-I don't want to hear about it anymore!"

>She looks scared.
>You just hug her.
>"I-I don't understand why a prison would ever need to be so... harsh..."
"Well, my species is filled with LOOOADS of bad people, actually. Or just really stupid people."
>"H-how bad?"
"You honestly don't want to know."
>She just looks down and nods.
>You brush her mane.
"But hey, somehow you got here with me, instead! That's all that matters, right?"
>She looks at you and smiles.
>"Th-that's true..."
"Atta girl!"
>Then, perfectly on time, you see the entrance to the cafeteria.
>You walk in and see all the ponies smiling at you.
>Then they all flock over.
>"Oh, Anon, we thought you left!"
>"Why didn't you tell us you were going to leave?!"
>"Is that a guard uniform?"
>"Anon's a guard?"
>"Can you take it off?"
>"Still need to do me..."
>"That shirt is... really tight..."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry I never said bye... I just didn't want to upset any of you, you know?"
>"But you did ANYWAYS!"
"I know. Kind of a lose-lose thing, here... But hey, I'm not leaving anymore!"
>Everyone erupts into a cheer.
>And now, your mission of cuddling every single pony in here begins.
>You smile and slowly start walking towards the food line.
>"So why is your uniform so tight?"
>"Can you punish me?~"
>"Yeah, Anon, I've been a bad mare~"
"Woooaaah, woah, you ladies haven't even bought me dinner, yet!"
>You laugh, then get blocked by a light blue pony with white hair.
>"I-I can buy you dinner!"
>"Yeah, me too, Anon!"
>"Anything!"
"Woah, woah, one at a time! Haven't even had breakfast yet!"
>They all pout.
>It's fucking with your heart.
"But there's always later!"
>They smile.
>You feel a dull pain in your chest.
>Alright, time to leave before you die.

>You politely slip away and grab some grub.
>Aryanne just asks for the same thing you've gotten.
>She looks deep in thought.
>Once you set her down at the table, she just props her head up with a hoof and idly eats.
"Hey, Ary, something wron-"
>All the mares leave their seats and crowd around you.
>You swear you can hear Aryanne sigh.
>
>Finally, after trying to answer every ridiculous question you could, AND eat, you were out of there.
>Immediately as you and Aryanne leave, a guard by the entrance taps your shoulder.
>You turn and face a small, bluish-purple pony with blue eyes, a paler mane and tail and an unamused look.
>"So you're the new guard, huh?"
>You smile and nod.
>She just adjusts her hat and scans you.
>"I don't like you."
>You frown.
>...Wow, that's the first.
>"Just don't forget who the head pony around here is, or you'll regret it. I don't care HOW tall and scary you think you are."
>You just look at the pair of big blue eyes glaring at you.
>You smile, and she scrunches in response.
>You give a mock salute.
"Yes, ma'am!"
>"Good, now get out of my face."
>Jesus, if this pony wasn't so damn cute, you'd feel a bit irritated right now.
>You do as you're told and you turn around.
>You see that Aryanne is still walking, too lost in thought to notice that you had stopped.
>You walk after her.
"Yo, Ary, what's up? You seem... occupied."
>She turns to you and takes notice of how far away she is.
>"I..."
>You hop over to her and wait for a response.
>"...I..."
>She sighs.
>"I don't want to be in a herd, Anon..."
"...I don't think I know what that means here."
>"You don't know what a herd is?"
>You shake your head.
>At least the way she's saying it, no.
>"It's... it's a group relationship. Multiple ponies to the same stallion."
>She looks up at you.
>"I've heard some of what the inmates said to you, and... I don't want to be in a herd."
"So, you're thinking that I'll bring another mare into this?"
>She just stares at the ground.

"Well, I might."
>She pauses, and her ears fall.
"That is, if you have a way to make clones around here. Two of you would be a dream come true."
>Her ears perk up again, and she looks at you.
"Ary, I wouldn't trade what we have here for all the mares in this prison. It's just you and me, and I'm not changing that anytime soon."
>A soft smile crosses her face, and she hugs you.
>"What did I ever do to deserve you?"
"...I dunno."
>You hear more hoofsteps coming towards you.
>Why do ponies here have the worst timing?
>That guard dude from earlier shows up again.
>"Warden, Princess Twilight is here."
>Aryanne stops.
>"P-Princess Twilight?"
>"Yes, ma'am."
>Oooh, riiight, that's probably where the letter from earlier came from...
>Whoops!
>"W-what's she doing here?"
>The guard turns to you.
>"She requests an audience with this hideous thing right here."
"Do YOU wanna get dropkicked, son?"
>He glares.
>But stays silent.
"I swear on me mum, if you're trying some alpha male shit right now, I can put you in the ground where you stand."
>"I just don't like you, is all. And I also don't like seeing you taking advantage of the warden like you do. I EARNED my job, see?"
"Why don't you say that to my face, fucker, see what happens?"
>"...I would, if I didn't already know who was holding the cards."
>He looks at Aryanne for a second, then walks off.
>...Great, now you kinda just feel like a dick...
>Have you really just been taking advantage, here?
>...No!
>What kind of retarded thought is that?
>Of course not!
>Then, once again, you hear hoofsteps.
>Quickly, a purple pony with wings and a dull horn walks up to you and Aryanne.
>She doesn't seem royal at all.
>She's not even wearing any regalia or anything.
>Her eyes lock onto yours, and she smiles.
>"Wooaah..."
>She scoots closer, and looks up at you.
>"You ARE tall."
>Something clicks in her mind, and she shakes her head before turning to Aryanne.
>"Where are my manners? I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle, and you are...?"

>"-Oh, silly me! You must be the warden! It's a pleasure to meet you!"
>They exchange awkward smiles and hoof-shakes.
>"Now, I know I arrived MUCH earlier than I said I would in the letter, but there hasn't been much, 'needing to save the world' business lately, so now I'm here!... It won't... It won't be a problem, right? Because I don't want to intrude or anything..."
>...Kinda already are, but whatever.
>"Oh, o-of course not, Princess!"
>"Great!"
>She turns to you.
>"Now, what's YOUR name?"
>You smile and bow.
"My name is Jesus Christ. It's a pleasure to meet you-"
>"-His name is Anonymous, Princess."
>Aryanne glares at you.
>"Ah! Well, Anonymous, care to answer a few questions of mine?"
>You shrug.
"Sure."
>She beams and spawns a huge fucking book with a pencil out of nowhere.
>"Great! Let's get started!"
>You're already regretting this.
>
>You're back in Aryanne's room.
>Since she doesn't have an office, and this is about the most private place in the prison, you had to take your 'meeting' here.
>Twilight and Aryanne are lying on the bed, just watching you on the floor.
>"So, then, first question! Where are you from?"
"Kansas."
>She tilts her head.
>"Can-zus?"
"Kansas."
>"And where's that?"
"...In the U.S."
>"And where's THAT?"
"On Earth."
>"Where?"
"In the Milky Way."
>"...WHERE?"
"In space."
>"You live in SPACE?"
"No, I live in Kansas."
>"And where's 'Kansas'?!"
"In the U.S."
>"...WHERE?! Do you live on another planet or something?!"
"...Probably."
>She pauses.
>"W-what? Really?"
"Well, where I'm from, our ponies don't talk, so... yeah, probably."
>"...Wow! This is so amazing! I thought you were alien to this COUNTRY, not this PLANET!"
>She scoots closer to you from the bed and grins.

>Aryanne's doing the same, listening closely to what you have to say.
>And if it weren't for her being here, you'd be giving this Princess the most retarded, most outlandish history of the U.S you could create.
>"What planet are you from?"
"Earth."
>She's practically falling off the bed in excitement.
>"What does it look like?"
"...A planet."
>She frowns.
"-Okay, well, looking at it from space, it's mostly just water and land. Brown, blue, green and white."
>Her frown deepens.
"Well, how am I supposed to explain it?! I'm not good at details, you know; I see a tree, I SAY it's a tree!"
>She sighs.
"Look, I just know that there's seven continents, and that everything in Australia is out to kill you."
>"...And what's Australia? Where is it?"
"It's like, the smallest continent, I believe. Some small island place filled with kangaroos, rabbits, scary-ass koalas and shit."
>You pause and watch her excitedly writing everything down.
>It looks like she's learning about life's secret mysteries or some shit.
>Well, technically, that IS what she's learning.
>You forget that you're an alien.
>...You wonder if it feels this way to be Mexican.
>"What else is in there? History? Leaders?"
>You shrug.
"Never been to Australia."
>She pauses.
>"Th-then how do you know about the animals?! What it LOOKS like?!"
"Well, I've seen pictures from space and shit, and have watched a few videos."
>She just stares at you.
"...Do you HAVE koalas here? Because if I see one, I'll fucking freak the fuck out-"
>"-Videos?"
>You pause, then nod.
"Internet videos."
>"...Internet?"
"Jesus Christ."
>"-And who's 'Jesus Christ'?-"
"JESUS CHRIST."
>"WHO?!"
>In your head, explaining an entire species and its planet seemed like it'd be a lot easier.
"Look, can I hop on the bed, too? I have a feeling this'll take a while."
>A LONG while...
>

>"So, who CREATED the 'internet'?"
>You shrug.
"I'm just guessing it was a collective group of people. I mean, who created houses?"
>Twilight puts a hoof to her muzzle.
>"Well, actually-"
"-Rhetorical. Don't really care."
>"-Right..."
"But that's just my guess. People that create the things aren't praised as much as the ones that improve or make a lot of money off of them."
>"...Wow, that doesn't exactly seem fair."
>You shrug.
"Such is life on Earth, where benefits for the future are overlooked for profits of the present! But then again, all I really did was go to school and lock myself in my room, so what do I know?"
>She stops and looks at you.
>"You still go to SCHOOL? How old ARE you?"
"Twenty five, the prime of my life, and only thousands of wasted hours to show for it!"
>"So, you're an adult?"
"Yup."
>"Then why are you still going to school?"
"Because my soul was juuust enough to pay for tuition."
>"...What's tuition?"
>Christ in a basket.
"Look, this school I'm going to is an evil thing named college, which takes your money away and has you compete for better paying jobs that allow you to survive. Tuition is the payment for said hell- I mean school."
>"What's hell?"
"This fiery place where a man with daddy issues tortures everyone, according to a religion."
>"...Religion?"
"-Are you kidding me?"
>Twilight just looks at you with a pouty face.
>Your one of MANY Kryptonites...
>You sigh.
>You're so cuddling this princess, though.
"It's a belief that's shared around a god or deity or something. Like, say I decided to win over Equestria and build some kind of Nazi Army here or some shit. Chances are, I'd be seen as a god and have some sort of religious following around me."

>"Nazi Army?"
>You pause.
"This'll be a while."
>You adjust the pillow behind your head and shift in the bed a bit.
>Twilight and Aryanne scoot closer to your sides.
>Princess on your left, warden on your right.
>Hoo, man, could THIS end well-
>-Right, right, questions.
>...Though, maybe you could try later...
"So, where should I start?"
>"Can you explain what a Nazi is?"
"Well simply put, that's what they called someone who followed Adolf Hitler, this dude who believed in a 'pure' race of humans and slaughtered millions!"
>She and Ary just look at you.
>"S-slaughtered?"
"Yup! If they didn't shoot them, burn them, blow them up, or starve them, they threw them into a room and gassed them, THEN burned them."
>They both just stare at you with the most horrified expressions you've ever seen.
>Twilight starts tearing up.
>"W-why would a-anypony ever...?"
"That's Earth for ya- or rather, humans. We all wanna be the best, even if it means lives spent in the process."
>She stays silent and slowly writes everything down.
>Aryanne just stares off into the distance.
"So, yeah, master race and genocide and stuff!"
>They both stay silent.
"Well if you wanna hear about my world, there'll be PLENTY of bloodshed in it, sooo..."
>Twilight steels herself and exhales.
>"Just, continue!"
"...You sure? Promise you won't burst into tears or anything?"
>She starts doing these weird motions with her hooves
>"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"
"...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed, but alright."
>"Just... can we not talk about Nazis anymore?"
"Sure thing, but it's a rather big part of history. You'll find out soon enough that the biggest events in history had a few deaths somewhere in them."
>She pauses again.
>"W-why is your species so cruel? W-we haven't had a war in CENTURIES, and here you are, just, talking about it like it's no big deal!"
"Well, it really isn't. With seven billion people, there's bound to be some fights."

>Twilight stays silent again.
"One thing I've learned, is that war, war never changes. You got tension, you got conflict, you get injuries, death, destruction, possibly some experimental weapons or some kind of deal in the mix, but it's always the same."
>"B-but c-can't you just be FRIENDS, instead of, of, ATTACKING everypony?"
>You laugh.
"That's really naive thinking back home. The quickest solution is usually the most potent one, and violence seems to be the only answer people understand. Some pony comes up and punches you in the face, what do you do?"
>She pauses.
>"I-I'd ask why they're so upset, and try to solve both our differences..."
>You shake your head.
"You punch someone, you're most likely going to get beat up. Badly. Or, worst case scenario, the guy shoots you and calls it self defense."
>"H...how-"
"Seven billion people, Twilight. I mean, only from what I've seen in movies and stuff, things were a lot less tense when there were less people, but I'm sure it all only focused on the good side of the whole thing."
>"W-what's on the bad side?"
"The better question is, what ISN'T on the bad side? Anything and everything you could ever imagine, has probably already been done before, somewhere, sometime."
>She loses herself in thought for a moment.
>She shudders.
>Aryanne, meanwhile, narrows her eyes and puts a hoof on her muzzle, staring at a pillow.
>It's like she doesn't even acknowledge your existence.
>"H-how do you live? H-how do you just, not care about these things?"
>You shrug.
"Things that don't hit close to home I don't really care about. Everybody's looking out for themselves, whether they want to admit it or not. Most people wouldn't take a stab wound for a total stranger unless they were somehow able to benefit from it."
>She flips to another page in her book and continues slowly writing.
>She looks ready to cry.
>"Can... can we move to a happy moment in your planet's history?"
"...Happy?"

>Twilight nods.
"Well, I'd say going to the moon was pretty awesome."
>"...Why would being banished be 'awesome'?"
"Banished? What 'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
>"Don't you need magic to go to the moon?"
"Nope!"
>She starts quickly jotting things down.
"We built rockets and sent ourselves right up there!"
>"...Rock-ets? What are those? What were they made of?"
"Rockets are these huge fuel-filled things that launched us into space. As for what they're made of... I have no idea. Though if you guys had WiFi, I could just ask Google."
>"WiFi? Google?"
>You smile.
"Cell phones are a beautiful thing, Twilight."
>"Cell phone?... Is that any different than a telephone?" 
"Well, yeah! In just a few years, we managed to go from these fat, bricky personal phone things to lightweight, and very easily broken, touchscreen phones."
>"Touchscreen?"
"Yes ma'am. Instead of clacking around on keys, you tap on a single flat screen that- well hell, I could just SHOW you."
>You pull your phone out of your back pocket, then remember that it's just an expensive, dead brick at this point.
>Could've avoided a storage room fire had you just charged it.
"Well shit... I COULD'VE showed you..."
>She and Aryanne just stare at it.
>"What's wrong with it?"
"Battery's dead, it needs to charge."
>"Battery? What's that?"
"...You have telephones here, but you don't have batteries?"
>"Almost everything is powered by magic..."
>Damn, imagine how useful THAT would be back home?
"Batteries are these little container things that hold electricity in them."
>"Electricity?"
"Yep."
>She puts a hoof to her muzzle and stares at the phone in your hand.
>Before you can ask what she's doing, her horn lights up and a purple glow envelops your phone.
>It turns on.
"-Wow, holy shit-niggers! Thanks, Twilight!"
>You set it on the bed and watch them both examining it.
>[studious horse noises]
>You smile and relax a bit while they're occupied.

>"...Is that your mother, Anonymous?"
>"Aww, that's so cuuute, Anon!"
>You pause for a moment and see them looking at your phone's lock screen.
>It was a picture of that one time you went to that 'Cat Fair' with your mom last year.
>You quickly swipe the phone away, noticing a small warmth from your cheeks.
>You look at the picture.
>In it, you're both wearing hats with a drawn cat face on them, complete with a stitched on tail-and-ear combo.
>Mom's holding Skittles, her calico-colored cat in one arm, and giving a thumbs up with the other.
>She's also wearing her favorite stitched kitten sweater- the one with those three playing around in a basket.
>She has the biggest grin on her face.
>You...
>Not so much.
>But in the end, you suppose it was worth it to make her happy.
>You smile and softly laugh at your own expression.
>While your eyes focus on your mom, something slowly dawns on you.
>Your smile fades.
>You will probably never see her again.
>Twilight notices your look.
>"What's wrong, Anon?"
>You feel a small pressure in your chest.
>The only reason your mom was so quick to keeping you at her house was because she wanted to see you more often.
>And now, she'd probably never see you again.
>And the last thing you said to her was, 'see you later'.
>You turn to Twilight and fake a smile.
"-Ah, it's nothing. I'm alright! I'm just, uh, a bit tired, is all"
>You place the phone on the bed and silently reminisce for a moment.
>You lay back and stare at the ceiling.
>Aryanne moves up and rests her head on your chest.
>You relax a bit and hold Aryanne close to you.
>Then you jump a bit when Twilight rests on you.

>"O-oh, s-should I not do that? I read in a book that leaning on your friends is good for bonding..."
"No, you're alright. Just, wasn't expecting it, is all."
>She nods, then slowly resumes her position on your left.
>...Cuddling with a princess and a warden.
>Doesn't get any better than this...
>You can almost immediately feel all this tension just melting away from you.
>You wrap your arms around and pet them.
>They're so soft.
>Once you notice them both furiously blushing, you pick your phone back up and unlock it.
>You hold it far enough for them both to see, but they still have a hard time with it, so they lay their heads on your shoulders and watch.
>You thought Twilight was going to spear your ass with her horn for a second.
>It's a good thing it's dull.
"So, anyways... THIS is a touchscreen phone. See, you swipe around and tap on it, and it registers all your movements."
>You look down and see them both just mesmerized by it, following your fingers with their eyes.
>You softly smile, then unknowingly tap on your photo library.
>Your smile fades a bit, and you feel Aryanne slowly rubbing your chest with a hoof.
>You turn your focus back to your phone and look at the first picture.
>Twilight looks up at you.
>"Are those your friends, Anonymous?"
>You nod and stare at the picture.
>It was from a month ago, when you and your high-school buddies drunkenly went paintballing without armor.
>That shit was really painful.
>Someone even got hit in the face.
>You swipe left and see a video you don't recognize.
>You press play and see a paintball gun being held FPS style in the dark.
'"Jesus, you motherfuckers are gonna GET IT!"'
>-Whelp, that's definitely you.
>...A real drunk you.
'"Fuuuck, I can't see shiiit-"'
>"SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!-"
'"OH COCK-NIGGERS- GAH! MY FUCKING FACE! YOU GOT ME IN THE FUCKING FACE, YOU ETHIOPIAN SHIT-WHORE!!"'
>Over your yelling, you can hear a laugh.
>...Oh.
>YOU got hit in the face.

>"What was that, Anon? Why are you also inside this cell phone?"
>Twilight stares at the screen.
"That was just a video, Twilight."
>"Video? Like the internet ones?"
"Uh, I guess? I'm not sure how to explain it very well, to be honest."
>Your mind sparks an idea, and you turn to the actual camera.
>You use the front-facing-camera and hit the record button.
>Twilight and Aryanne just stare at themselves in the phone.
>"...What are you doing? Is that my reflection?"
>You smile and stop recording.
>You switch back to the library and play the new video.
>You look at them as they both watch.
>'"...What are you doing? Is that my reflection?"
>Twilight gasps.
>"H-how did you do that?! Why am I in there now?!"
"Woah, woah, calm down, Twilight, you're not actually IN the phone."
>"B-but how, w-what-"
>Aryanne's just staring with a really confused look.
"The best way I could put this is... let's say that the phone is able to take lots of pictures within a short time. A video is just a slideshow of the pictures, with voices and stuff in them."
>...Wow, you fucking suck at explaining things.
>Twilight's expression is one similar to a retard having calculus explained to him.
>Lot's of confusion and frustration.
>"I-I don't- can't..."
>You laugh.
"Don't hurt yourself thinking about it too much, Twilight."
>She angrily scrunches.
>You bring her closer to you and gently scratch her ears.
>She continues glaring for a bit, then slowly relaxes.
>Aryanne scoots closer.
>"H-hey, can you scratch my ears, too?"
>You respond by putting your phone down and doing the same.
>She sighs and smiles.
>"O-ooh, yesss..."
>Her leg kicks.
>You turn back to Twilight and see her tongue lolling out of her mouth.
>Jesus, there's no way having your ears scratched is THAT good.
>You see her wings slowly start to spread out.
>They're fucking huge, too.
>One smacks you in the face and gets into your mouth.
>You gag, then see Twilight's hind leg kick.
>Jesus, you're only scratching their ears.

>You stop your scratching, much to their disappointment.
>Aryanne whines, while Twilight shakes her head and tries to regain her posture.
>They're both blushing furiously.
>Time to label 'ear scratching' as a possible human superpower.
>You pick the cell phone up again and start flipping through pictures.
>Aside from the pictures of your friends and your mom, there was mostly just stupid reaction images you used for said friends.
>You scroll to one with a black guy, and a line of text reading, 'k den'.
>Aryanne turns to the phone and yelps.
>"OH WHAT'S THAT THING?!"
>You start cracking up.
"That, my dear Aryanne, is a strong, independent black man!"
>She looks at the photo like a millionaire would a homeless dude.
>You snicker and continue swiping.
>Most were just reaction pics with cats.
>Mom loved that shit.
>You pause for a moment, then focus on the phone again.
>You have about eighty pictures in total.
>Games and notes and shit took most of your phone's memory.
>When you had enough of cat shit, games were a good way to forget that you had peers.
>Especially in restaurants.
>Seriously, you're enjoying your time and shit, so why would being on your phone warrant being kicked out after four hours?
>It's bullshit.
>You paid for that fucking salad.
>Just because some assholes didn't get reservations ahead of time.
>Fuckin' Red Lobster.
>Your mind comes back, and you focus again on the phone.
>You leave your photos and open up a racing game.
>You just quickly start a CPU match, and smile, as Twi and Ary are too entranced to ask what you're doing.
>You turn the volume up and let the music play.
>Engines revving and shit.
>You quickly swap the controls to tilt and let the game start.
>You almost instantly spot a turn up ahead.
>You turn your attention to the two as you slowly tilt your phone.
>Just as you thought, they slightly turn with it.
>They're like cats staring at a laser pointer.

>You snap back to the game once you hear yourself sliding into the dirt.
>You grab that shit back and go back into the course.
>You hear the door slam open.
>"WHAT'S WITH ALL THE NOISE?!"
>The two jump.
>That blue guard mare from earlier is there.
>You should really start locking these fucking doors.
"Well Jesus, hello to you, too."
>She points at your phone.
>"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT IS THAT?!"
"...I'm racing, and this is a phone."
>You pause the game, leaving the music playing.
>"WHAT'S THAT NOISE?!"
"First off, that's music, and second, you don't have to yell. I'm not angrily cuddling the Princess here or anything."
>Twilight turns red.
>Wow, you made royalty blush with the thought of cuddling.
>If only you had this kinda luck back home...
>-Well, if only your mom didn't have so many fucking cats.
>One or two are cute, but an enormous fucking house full of them...
>Not the kind of cat you're going for.
>The guard pony pulls out a retractable nightstick and slowly approaches you.
>Hey, YOU didn't get a fucking nightstick!
>You want a damn nightstick...
>Aryanne shouts.
>"Guard Pony Blue Fuzz, put down your weapon!!"
>Everyone pauses.
>...Holy shit, you've never heard her shout like that.
>She ordered the fuck out of that pony.
>You slowly turn to her.
>She's got a serious glare going on.
>"Y-yes, ma'am..."
>The mare retracts the nightstick with a hoof and spits it back into her belt.
>-Hey, you didn't get a fucking belt either!
>She just stares at the floor.
>Her eyes glance to you for a split second.
>She looks... hurt.
>But not from being yelled at.
>"Dismissed."
>The pony nods, glances at you for another second, then leaves.
>...The hell was THAT about?

>Aryanne's look softens the second Blue Fuzz closes the door.
>"Sorry about that, Anon, Twilight."
>Twilight just slowly waves.
>"It's, umm, alright."
>You turn to Ary.
"That... was pretty scary."
>"W-what was?"
"The way you yelled at that pony? That was hardcore. You showed her who's BOSS! Absolutely amazing."
>You start clapping.
>"...Thanks, Anon."
>Jesus, she's so cute.
>And hell, now you know she can be fucking scary when she needs to be.
>You turn back to the game and start that shit back up.
>Driftin' and slidin' back and forth.
>You caught yourself following through with the movements a few times, as well.
>"So, what ARE those things? What are you in?"
"In the game?"
>Twilight nods.
"This thing's called a car- or, an automobile. It's like... a motorized carriage. It's one that can move by itself, and go pretty darn fast."
>She points at the phone.
>"And what's with the wheel?"
"It's the steering wheel. I'm not very smart when it comes to cars, but it moves the wheels of the car. They can move back and forth, in order to change direction."
>"How do you stop?"
"Well, one way is by hitting the brakes. There's three pedals in the car that do different things to it. One makes it move, and the other two make it stop.-"
>"Why two?"
"Because one's supposed to be used only when the other brake doesn't work."
>"How DOES it work?"
"...Well, I also know that there's two kinds of brakes, the drum one and the... I have no idea, one."
>You see her write down 'Anon has no idea'.
"The one that I don't remember stops by grabbing a part of the wheels, I believe. You're just not supposed to do that at high speeds, because you risk the entire thing flipping over and exploding or something."
>She winces.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that they can explode. Only in extreme circumstances, though."
>She just materializes a pair of red glasses from nowhere and puts them on while she writes.
>It's so fucking adorable.
>You feel a dull pain in your chest and turn away.

>You lock the phone, shut your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
>The scribbling stops.
>"I-is there something wrong, Anon?"
"Have you ever seen something so cute you thought you were going to die?"
>"Umm, no?"
"It hurts. A lot."
>You take a long, drawn out breath and fix yourself.
>"D-do you need any help?"
>You look up to see them both looking at you worriedly.
>Aryanne with her little hat, and Twilight with those glasses.
"I think Imma have another heart attack."
>Twilight's horn glows, and you suddenly feel the pain just wash away.
>"There! Better! Just, take it easy, now."
>You clutch your chest.
"Jesus, I don't understand magic..."
>Twilight smiles, then starts vibrating.
>...No, seriously.
>She looks at her flank.
>It's glowing and flashing and shit.
>"Ooh, a friendship problem!"
>She quickly hops off the bed and magics the glasses away.
>"I should get going- Princess duty calls! Need to organize a few things before, maybe get a few books worth of questions..."
>She loses herself in thought for a second, then shakes herself.
>"Anyways, Anon, thank you for answering my questions!"
>She turns to Aryanne.
>"And thank YOU for allowing me to ask them! Can I come back tomorrow?"
>"Of course, Princess!"
>She grins, waves, and quickly flashes away.
>You notice how tired you feel all of a sudden.
>You then notice Ary notice you noticing.
>You noticed that.
"Alright, I think I need to lie down or something."
>"W-wanna lie down here?"
>You look at Aryanne, patting the bed with a hopeful smile.
>You shake your head.
"Not this time. You're literally so cute that I nearly died. I want to at LEAST last a few days."
>Her ears slightly fall.
>You smile and caress her cheek.
"Definitely soon, though."
>She smiles.
>You grab your phone and walk outside.
>You hear immediately hear sobbing from your left.

>You turn to your left and slowly close the door.
>It's Blue Fuzz.
>She's lying on the floor, covering her head with her hat.
>There's a puddle of tears beneath her and everything.
>...Well fuck, it doesn't matter HOW rude this pony was, you can't just fucking leave her here.
>Sleeping must wait!
>You slowly walk up to her and kneel.
>She's too busy, well, crying, to notice you.
>You softly rub her back.
>She pauses, and pulls her hat back.
>She looks up at you, then back at the floor.
>"W-what do you want?"
"...Well, you feeling better would be a start."
>She lets out a few more soft sobs.
>"I... I can't..."
"And why not?"
>She stays silent.
>"I...I..."
>Her eyes stare straight into yours.
>"I... can't- I've got to go-"
>She adjusts her hat and runs off.
>You just watch.
>You'd pursue her, but you're sure she'd take it from, 'he wants to help', to 'oh dear god he wants to kill me' after a while, and you're still fucking tired.
>And you'd like to avoid another broken nose.
>You can just imagine what the ponies would think if they saw you fix it yourself.
>You sigh, take one last look at the huge puddle of tears, and head to your room.
>You set your phone on the nightstand and shut the blinds.
>The minute you lie on your bed, you instantly realize something.
>...They gave you a bigger bed!
>Now you won't have to curl up and shit just to get some damn sleep!
>You wrap yourself in the covers and adjust them pillows.
>It's like they're made out of fucking CLOUDS.
>Same with the mattress, too!
>It's fucking nice.
>You yawn, and close your eyes.
>You just hope you don't sleep for too damn long.

>
>What fucking DAY is it?
>You look at the blinds.
>It's dark out
>Jesus fuck, how long did you sleep?!
>It was the goddamn morning!
>You sigh and get up from your bed.
>You check your phone.
>It says five in the morning.
>But then again, that shit's Earth time.
>...Though it doesn't seem that far off.
>After a quick yawn, you walk towards your door.
>You open it and peer out into the hallway.
>It's dark as fuck, and dead silent.
>Some scary movie looking shit.
>You scoot a bit from your door and slowly open Aryanne's room.
>-Yup, she's sleeping.
>Uniform off and neatly folded on a chair.
>Snoring and sprawled out like a true goddess.
>You smile and close the door.
>Alright, scary fucking hallway, fuck you.
>It's obviously dark for a goddamn reason.
>You go back into your room and see a light being waved on the other side of the window.
>You slowly inch towards the blinds and lift them up a bit.
>You see Blue Fuzz, outside and holding a flashlight on the playground.
>She sits down on a bench and shuts the flashlight off.
>Then she lies down, holds her hat over her head, and starts softly crying.
>...You know, whatever paranormal force that's doing this is a fucking dick.
>You obviously have to go outside.
>You aren't fucked up enough to be able to sleep to crying outside.
>You sigh and leave the blinds.
>The minute you open your door, it's dark as shit again.
>And phone flashlight saves the day.
>Your footsteps echo throughout the whole hallway.
>It's kinda fucking spooky.
>You focus on trying not to be so fucking loud when you walk up to the playground doors.
>You go outside and turn off the flashlight, content with the brightness of the moonlight.
>You wonder if ponies can even SEE in the dark, because a flashlight's definitely not needed here.
>You walk through the sand and towards the bench Blue Fuzz is on.
>And of course, she's too busy crying to notice you.
>It breaks your heart.
>But thankfully, it's not attacking it.
>Fuckin' ponies, man.

>You walk up and nudge her.
"Blue Fuzz?"
>She jumps and falls off the bench.
>You peek over and see a pair of blue eyes peering at you.
>"W-what do you want? Is this a d-dream?"
>You shrug.
>Honestly, the five in the morning shit, and the bench being RIGHT outside your window seems a bit unreasonable.
"If this is a dream, then I'd like to know why there's a pony crying in it. I'd never dream of this."
>Or at least, you haven't, yet.
>You just wonder how long it'll take 'till your dreams are overtaken by ponies.
>And this may already be the start.
>"...Th-this is a dream, I-I'm sure of it..."
>Yes, but a dream for WHO?
>Are you dreaming this pony believing she's dreaming, or vice vers-
>She jumps up and kisses you.
>Right on the lips.
>You pause.
>She's blushing furiously.
>You stay completely still.
>You don't know how to react.
>She pulls away and smiles.
"...W-what was that?"
>She doesn't say anything, and jumps on you.
>You instinctively keep her from falling.
>"Y-you know, I've watched you ever since you got here... I've seen how gentle you are with everypony- how kind..."
>You're fucking frozen.
>"I...I know I'll never be able to have you... I know I'll probably... probably grow old and alone, as the disappointment of the family- the former cop- turned guard pony..."
>Her eyes trail to the floor for a moment, then back to you.
>"But at least here, I can be what I want to, DO what I want to..."
>She grinds on you.
>"And now that I know I CAN... I know EXACTLY what I want to..."
>She giggles.
>You're fucking frozen.
>And the only thing on your mind, once again...
>Is this just a dream?

>"Y-you don't know how long I've waited for something like this- the perfect stallion to call my own..."
"I, uh-"
>She covers your lips with a hoof.
>"A-and, even though this is a dream... you're everything I've ever wanted, but could never get..."
>She kisses you again.
>Okay, so obviously, this IS a dream, then.
>This pony just finished pulling a nightstick on you and told you she didn't like you as her first impression.
>-There's no way that this is real, now.
>...But still...
>Should you?
>Dream or not, this'll likely leave you with some guilt...
>-Wait, what are you saying?
>This is a DREAM.
>You could bring your MOM into this, if you wanted to.
>...Okay, don't do that.
>She grinds you again.
>Damn it, you can feel little Anon.
>Don't do it, man.
>You're better than this.
>Just think up some zombie apocalypse or some shit!
>-There's other things to dream about!
>"Let's... let's go to your room."
>She gives you a sultry grin.
>-Noooo.
>DON'T, MAN.
"O-o-kay..."
>She hops off and holds your hand with a hoof.
>Okay, it's JUST a dream.
>Nothing wrong here, right?
>Aryanne could be dreaming up an orgy for all you know...
>...Yeah, fuck it.
>In a dream, what do you REALLY got to lose?
>You pick her up and walk across the playground.
>She squeaks, then giggles.
>"Oh, how much happier I'd be with you... If only I could've just, told you how I felt, instead of shying away and just, insulting you..."
>She adjusts herself in your arms and sighs.
>-Man, you're still feeling really guilty, here.
>-But hey, if anything, this dream could give you a bit of pointers and such, for when you finally DO, well, you know.
>You enter the hallway and bust out your phone flashlight.
>"So, what IS that, Anon?"
"It's a cell phone. It's this thing that lets you talk to people from all around the world. It's got loads of other things you can do too, though."

>"Like what?"
>You switch to its camera and hold it in front of her.
"Say cheese!"
>She instinctively smiles, and the picture gets taken.
>Her smile is absolutely adorable.
>You grin and show the picture to her.
>"That's so cool! You don't need film?"
>You shake your head.
"That's the beauty of technology."
>You go back to the flashlight and walk through the hallway.
>Your steps echo throughout, again.
>Which reminds you that you need to get some sneakers or some shit when you wake up.
>Dress shoes are not meant for guard duty.
>But, then again, neither are tight-ass shirts.
>Actually, now that you think about it, you're not even REALLY a guard, yet.
>No badge, no weapon, no shifts...
>You gotta ask about that.
>Though, kinda walking around aimlessly with Ary is cool, too.
>But you feel like you're abusing her power that way.
>If you're a guard, you're gonna be a goddamn guard!
>You finally reach your room and step inside with her.
>"S-so... what do YOU want to do...?"
>Hey, that's right, it's YOUR dream!
>Well, you can't tell her to get you Fallout 4 anytime soon...
>You sigh.
>Still your only regret...
"I'm up for anything you are."
>She takes her hat off and walks up to you.
>"That's what I like to hear..."
>You reach for the door and lock it.
>Better safe than sorry, here.
>You could get jumped by a fucking Pyramid Head or some shit if you leave that door unlocked.
>...Or a nigger.
>Blue grabs your hand again and leads you to the bed.
>Oh boy, here we go.
>Just, just think happy thoughts, and nothing will come by to fuck this shit up.
>Lucid dreams, man.
>She pushes you onto your back.
>She slowly climbs up and sits just above Little Anon.
>She bites her lip.

>This feels so wrong.
>It feels completely wrong, on around fifty levels.
>She grins and lies down on your chest.
>She bites down on the first button and slowly works her tongue around to pop it off.
>You have this extremely guilty feeling in your gut.
>You shouldn't be doing this.
>The guilt in your MIND will last forever.
>It'll always be there...
>She's done with four buttons.
>Three left.
>She slows down, and REALLY takes her time with it.
>The second comes off.
>She looks up at you and smiles.
>She's really close to your other half.
>Her eyes stay on yours while she pulls the last button away.
>She takes your shirt off.
>Then an alarm rings.
>It's loud.
>REALLY LOUD.
>Blue jumps and falls off of you.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!"
>You start quickly buttoning up your shirt.
>"Ooh, you must've left the playground door open!!"
>She runs for the door and hops out into the hallway.
>You get up and throw your shoes on.
>Once you peek out of the door, you notice a few ponies doing the same.
>"Anon, what's causing that?"
>You turn to your left and see Ary, messy mane and all.
>You shrug.
>You reach a hand over to your leg and pinch yourself.
>And it hurts.
>You pause.
"Oh, fuck me..."
>Wrong yet again.
>It's not a dream.
>It's REAL.
>And you were so close to...
>Your eyes trail back to Aryanne, who's just yawning and looking out into the hallway.
>...THIS close...
>The alarm stops.
>Ary yawns again and smiles at you.
>"Good mor-night, Anon."
>She softly laughs, then retreats back into her room.
>...You...
>Jesus Christ...
>You head back into your room and lie on the bed.

>You can only stare idly at the ceiling.
>How in god's name did you mistake this shit for a dream, AGAIN?
>What the fuck is WRONG with you?
>...But, Blue thought the same thing...
>...Why?
>Hell, you still can't fully grasp the fact that the world's taken over by ponies, but a pony herself?
>Why would SHE be convinced that this was a dream?
>And moreover, the things that she said...
>That wasn't in your head.
>That's how she actually feels.
>...Fuck.
>Well, once again, you can't just ignore her.
>You're just as guilty in all this as she is.
>And now, you gotta keep this a secret.
>...Damn, you really fucked up, Anon.
>You sigh and get back up from your bed.
>You walk over to your door and slightly open it.
>Once you peek at the other doors, you see the last one close.
>Good.
>You slip out and start walking through the hallway.
>The playground would be a good place to look, again.
>Just gotta close the fucking door RIGHT this time.
>You quietly walk through and decide against using your phone's flashlight.
>The light might bring other ponies outside.
>With loads on your mind, you approach the doors rather quickly, and go outside.
>You shove them closed until they click.
>Fucking things...
>You take a single step, and feel something bounce on your head.
>You look down and see a little orange cylinder thing.
>You pick it up.
>It's a prescription bottle.
>...Trazodone?
>The fuck is that?
>You look at the recipient's name.
>Your eyes snap to the air above you.
>On the roof-
>Oh shit.
>None of that edgy shit HERE, missy!!
>You quietly pull the doors open and shut them behind you.
>Literally right next to the door is a staircase to the roof.
>No wonder she got there so quickly...

>You open the door and practically fly up the steps.
>Being so tall, you were able to skip a lot of steps.
>You quietly open the door and spot Blue Fuzz, sitting on the edge of the roof and looking at the moon.
>You fucking sprint that shit like the Olympics and grab her.
>"A-Anonymous?!"
"How many of those pills did you take?"
>"W-what?"
"HOW MANY?"
>She stares at the ground.
>"S-sixteen..."
>You wrap one arm under her rump and hold her head with your free hand.
>Then you open the door to head downstairs.
>You jump down the whole way there.
"Blue, why would you even do this?!"
>She starts sobbing.
>"A-Anon, I'm so useless! You know it, the warden knows it, and my family does, too!"
>You smash open the stairway door and start sprinting towards the entrance.
"You're not useless, Blue! I-"
>"-You don't know me enough to know that!"
"-Then how could I think you were useless?!"
>You come across the main doors.
>Locked.
>You spot Blue's keyring and try one.
>It works.
>Thank fuck.
>You open and run through the gated-hallway thing.
>Whatever help Blue here needed, you were sure a prison nurse probably couldn't give.
>And you wouldn't know what room she'd be in.
>"Why are you even doing this? I-I-"
"-If you're gonna bring up what literally just finished happening, please don't. That was a mistake on both our parts, and I'm sure I feel just as guilty as you do about it."

>"B-but, I-"
"-Just, get me to understand WHY you'd want to do something like this. Nobody's 'useless' in this world, Blue, no matter how much you want to believe it is."
>"B-but I AM! My Cutie Mark is BOUNDED to the police force, and I can't even keep a job there!"
"-Cutie Mark? The hell's that?"
>"I-it's the mark everypony gets when they figure out their special talent... It shapes who they are..."
>Your mind snaps to your surroundings for a moment.
>-You've never been outside the prison.
>This is your first time.
>You have no idea where to go.
>There are no street lights.
>And no signs.
"Blue, I spent about ten years of my life studying something, just to find out that I was horrible at it, and that I had to change in order to make a living. I was staying with my mom, dealing with loads of crippling debt, loneliness, and the realization that I wasted half my life for practically no reason. Nothing, NOTHING is set in stone, Blue, no matter what it is."
>...Except for war, of course.
>Because it never changes.
>You continue running past houses blindly.
>"D-do you even know where you're going?"
>You ignore her question in attempts to figure out where the fuck you are.
>Blue clutches her stomach.
"A-Anon, I-I don't-"
>She throws up over your arm.
>Goddamn it.
>-You ain't seeing someone else go out like this.
>Not today!
>And especially not your SECOND day!
>You peer over the houses and see a faint glow of light nearby.
>It's your best bet.
>And any ponies present could probably help.
>You cut between a few houses and knock over a few plants in the process.
>The light's getting closer.
>Blue's just, silent.
>You were a bit too late the last time you dealt with a situation like this.
>You just hope it's not a repeat, here.
>And being half your size, you could only imagine how quickly everything was going.
>And you didn't want to.
>You hop over a white picket fence and spot the building.
>Thank the sweet lord Satan, it IS a fucking hospital!

>While you're busy pulling off your inner black man, you can see a pony behind the front desk, barely able to stay awake, through the clear glass doors.
>Her eyes trail to you, then go wide.
>You see her talking, then rush over to the doors, just as you enter.
>If those doors weren't magically pulled open, you probably would've smashed through them.
>The mare doesn't even seem to really notice how fucking huge you are, or why you're carrying a guard pony.
>"What's wrong?!"
"She just finished overdosing on some pills!"
>"Which ones?"
"It was- fuck- Trapzone? Trapdome?-"
>"Trazodone?"
"-Yeah, that shit!!"
>A stallion doctor guy and two nurses run up to you with a wheelchair.
>You put Blue down into it.
>Her eyes are closed, and she's limp.
>A nurse grabs your attention, and the desk pony taps her.
>"The pony overdosed on Trazodone."
>"The sleep-inducing antidepressant?"
>Anti...?
>The doctor starts wheeling Blue down the hall, and the nurse nudges you forward.
>"How many pills was it?"
"-Sixteen."
>"How long ago?"
"Mmm, maybe about five, ten minutes ago?"
>"Do you know if she mixed it with anything?"
"No."
>"How frequently did she take these pills before this?"
>You shrug.
>She huffs, then gallops over to catch up with Blue.
>You're about to follow after her, but the desk pony stops you.
>"It's best for her if you just let them work."
>You stare down the hallway, then turn to see her hind leg sitting beside a concealed red button.
>You lift your hands up in defeat.
>You've also seen enough movies and shows to know how annoying that is for the staff, despite really wanting to stay with Blue.
>You can imagine how stressful it is to be trying to save someone's life while a friend or family member pesters and screams at you to save them.
>Thought you weren't planning on screaming.
>You sigh and walk over to the chairs beside the front desk.
>Time to play the waiting game...

>You pull out your phone.
>It's six in the morning.
>You can see the sun starting to come up.
>So, it WAS the right time...
>Odd.
>You unlock it and immediately see the picture you just finished taking with Blue.
>And her adorable smile in it.
>...Weird how quickly things can change for the worse.
>You start looking around on your phone, getting the feeling of being watched every once and a while.
>You finally look up, and see the desk pony looking at you.
>She quickly turns away.
>"S-sorry, I just... what the hay ARE you?"
>You softly laugh.
>It ain't a real laugh though.
>It's more like a laugh you give when someone makes an AIDS joke, and you know someone in that room has it.
>It's like a sad, 'let's avoid the biggest thing here' laugh.
"I'm a human."
>"A hugh-men? You some kind of crossbreed or something? Where did you come from?"
"No, I'm just a human, and when you say where, do you mean my home, or where I just finished coming from?"
>"Both."
"My home's another planet called Earth, and I came from the prison. Hence the uniforms."
>She looks down at your shirt.
>"Huh, an alien prison guard... Can't say I expected any different from a place like Ponyville..."
>...Ponyville?
>Is that seriously the name of this place?
>Well, there IS a town named Hell in Texas...
"Why? What's so weird about this place?"
>The pony turns her chair to face you, and props her head with her hooves.
>"Pft, what ISN'T weird about this place? Ever since I was a filly, weird things have always happened. Princess Twilight just made things worse in that sense."
"How so?"
>She leans closer, like she's ready to gossip a storm.
>"Well, the minute she came here, she was talking about some ancient prophecy thing which she never bothered to warn ANYPONY about, and dove into the forest- then when she came back, she and some five others came back saying they were the 'Elements of Harmony' or some nonsense."

>You open your mouth-
>"-And right after that, we've had the God of Chaos terrorize the town, an Ursa Major attack in the middle of the night, vines from the Everfree Forest engulfing everything, Parasprites eating the entire town, an ancient evil guy coming back to steal everyone's Cutie Marks, and an enormous crystal tree-castle grow out of nowhere, casting a shadow that covers half the town."
>You pause.
>...Jesus.
"And that was because of Twilight?"
>She nods.
>"If it weren't for her, this town would be so much simpler- but noo, she HAD to become a Princess and destroy my plants! Have any idea how difficult it is to grow plants in the shade? And if it's not a huge shadow, it's the reflection from those crystals just setting everything on fire!"
>She pouts, crosses her hooves and falls back into her chair.
"Wow, that sounds pretty horrible..."
>She just nods.
>Then you spot the doctor from your peripherals, walking down the hallway.
>You stand up, trying to read his expression.
>It's pretty blank.
>Business as usual.
>You can't tell if it's a good or a bad thing.
>He just waves you over.
>You quickly follow, and he turns around.
>"So then, Mr...?"
"Anonymous."
>"-Mr. Anonymous. You should be glad you came here as quick as you did. While in due time, we will see the effects of the overdose, I'm fairly confident that we managed to avoid too much permanent damage."
>You feel a small smile cross your face.
>But you know better than to really take what he's saying to heart.
>That's doctor talk, for you.
>'Too much' and 'fairly' gave hope, but it also gave a bit of dispair depending on how you took it.
"Does that mean I can see her?"
>"If you wish to, you can, but at the moment, she's under the effects of the drug. She might remain asleep for a few hours.'
>You nod.
>His expression suddenly grows somber.
>"But beforehand, we'd like to ask a few questions. This IS a serious matter at hand..."

>You nod.
>It's Q&A time.
>"If you'll just follow me, and we can start."
>You nod again, and follow him into an office.
>You sit in the chair across from his desk.
>He wastes no time beating around the bush.
>"So, help me understand what led to this event. What role did you play in this?"
>You sigh.
"Well, I just woke up about five in the morning, and I saw Blue outside my window, crying on a bench..."
>He simply nods.
"Well, I wasn't about to just leave someone crying like that, so I went outside and thought I could find out what was bothering her and cheer her up."
>Another nod.
>You didn't like how he was silently judging you.
"Though, when I did, she seemed convinced that everything was a dream."
>He rubs his face with a hoof and writes something down.
>It reads like fucking cuneiform.
>Guess doctors will ALWAYS have horrible handwriting.
"And, well, I'm sure you can tell I'm not from around here. When I first came, it took me about a day to understand that this all was, well, REAL. When Blue talked about it being a dream, it seemed to make sense in my mind."
>"-And why is that?"
>You pause.
"Well, talking colorful ponies, fancy prisons, magic... it STILL seems like I'm dreaming... But, the biggest thing was just how Blue reacted to me. Just a few hours ago, she had pulled a nightstick on me and told me she didn't like me, for literally no reason at all. When she suddenly became all nice, telling me how great I was and everything, it just didn't seem real, you know?"
>He simply nods again.
>"Continue."
"Well see, then we were both kind of in that mindset that everything was in our heads, so, we, uh, kinda, MAY have almooost... you know."
>"...Uh, no, I don't. I don't know."
"Well, you know, the thing that two people- er, ponies, do sometimes?"
>He just silently stares at you.
"We almost fucked, okay?"
>He writes some shit down.
>-Damn it, it's like you're being graded, here.
>"And how did this lead to the overdose?"
>You sigh and stare at the floor.

"Well, I'm not sure if it LED to it, but it was definitely the final nail..."
>"And why is that?"
>You pause again.
"I'm involved with another mare... I was her forbidden fruit, I guess."
>He writes again.
>It's kinda irritating.
>Makes you feel like you're not saying the right things, here.
>"...And?"
"Well, she openly told me that she had her eyes on me, but saw herself as worthless, and was unable to have me."
>More writing.
"Then, an alarm went off because I didn't close a door right or some shit, and when I followed, I saw the empty pill bottle and her, just sitting on the edge of the prison's roof."
>Loads of writing.
>He just stares at the paper on his desk for a moment.
>His faces you.
>"...Well, I believe this is adequate information for now... Do know that this information is strictly-"
"-I understand patient confidentiality, doc."
>"Very well, the-"
>"Anon? Anon?"
>That sounds like Aryanne.
>You practically forget the doctor's existence and open the office's door.
>Yeah, Aryanne's there, talking with the chatty front-desk pony.
>She spots you and walks over.
>"What are you doing here, Anon? I heard that some ponies saw you running over here!"
"I, uh, dropped off Blue Fuzz off."
>Her heart seems to sink.
>"B-Blue Fuzz? What happened? Is she hurt?! Is this about yesterday?!"
"No, no. There was just... an accident."
>Her pupils shrink.
>"Is she okay?! I-I didn't mean to upset her or anything, I-I-"
"-It's fine, Ary. The doctor believes she'll be okay."
>"-Well what happened? Is it serious?!"
"No, she's fine, Ary. Just a small accident."
>You hate lying through your teeth.
>You don't know if she'll be alright, and you don't want to give yourself any false hope.
>Though you're sure she will make it.
>She has to.
>"Well, can we see her?"
>You shake your head.
"Doc said she's sleeping, and probably will for a while. It'd be best if we let her rest."
>She anxiously rubs her hooves together.

>She looks guilty.
>You rest a hand on her cheek.
"Look, it ain't your fault, alright? You had nothing to do with this."
>At least compared to you, she didn't.
>This was practically all YOUR fault.
>You're the most guilty person in this place.
>Aryanne smiles.
>Then a frown crosses her face.
>"We're going to need a new head guard pony, meanwhile..."
>Wait, Blue was the head guard pony?
>That's news to you.
>Maybe that's how she got that nightstick and the keys?
>That'd make sense...
>Kind of.
>Aryanne looks up at you for a moment.
>"...Do you think YOU could fill in?"
>Fill in for Blue's spot?
>...No, you couldn't.
>For one, that'd really be taking advantage of Ary, and you don't really know ANYTHING about being a guard.
>Hell, you never even got a handbook or anything.
>You scratch your head.
"Honestly? No, probably not... What about that other stallion guy, though? You don't think he'd be any better?"
>She shakes her head.
>"You brought Blue over here by yourself, anyways- I'm sure she'd want you to fill her in."
>You pause.
>...That was a really bad choice of words.
>You simply nod.
"Y-yeah, I guess you're right."
>Ary smiles.
>"Then I say we get going. Hopefully when we come back, Blue will be awake."
>You nod, and hesitantly follow her out of the hospital.
>The guilt, man.
>All this guilt.
>It sucks.

>Not taking the cuts between the houses made the trip take a while.
>Ponies were waking up, and you felt bad for the few that found their potted plants broken.
>You got plenty of stares from the folk as well.
>Some horrified, some confused, but stares nonetheless.
>Aryanne's uniform also attracted a bit of attention.
>Some ponies seemed to have no idea what it was for, or where it was from, while a few did some small salutes.
>It was all adorable.
>And it just makes you wonder how there's this dark side to them all.
>It kinda sucks.
>But, you figure that a perfect utopia type thing might get boring after a while.
>You're both silent throughout the entire walk.
>Aryanne looks like she wants to say something.
>And you're too busy thinking about everything that happened in only a few hours.
>Then you both spot the prison.
>"Okay, Anon, though you're taking place as the head guard, Blue Fuzz still has her keys and nightstick with her, so you'll have to deal without them..."
>She looks up at you.
>"-Though it doesn't seem anything you won't be able to handle. Few doors are locked, and the weapons are just for show, mostly."
"...Alright, and what will I do, anyways?"
>"Well, the head guard usually interacts with the inmates more- starts up the games, talks with them and what not."
"How am I going to do that? Where do I even start?"
>She puts a hoof on your shoulder.
>-Or tries to, being half your size.
>"Don't worry, you'll figure it out, Anon. It's not difficult at all."
>You start seeing ponies coming out of their rooms.
>"And the inmates could help you out!"
>She smiles.
>You just rub the back of your neck with a hand and nod.
>"But anyways, I really have to get things set up for Princess Twilight's visit, today, so I'll leave you to it."
>You just nod again.
>She rubs your hand with her hooves.
>"You'll be FINE, Anon. Trust me."
>You pause, then offer a smile.
"Let's hope so."
>She beams, adjusts her hat, then walks away.
>Well shit.

>You see Sweetie Drops walk up to you.
>"Hey, Anon!"
>You blink.
"Oh, hey, Sweetie Drops. How've you been?"
>She beams.
>"Today's the day the bakery YOU put together opens!"
"Well, I didn't exactly do muc-"
>"Nonsense! If it wasn't for you, I'd still be a boring, Cutie Mark- constrained pony! This means the WORLD to me, Anon!"
>She jumps and hugs you.
>You grin and return the gesture.
"I'm gettin' first dibs on those pastries, right?"
>"Of course!"
>You instinctively fist pump.
"Aww yiss."
>She breaks the hug.
>"So then, what was with all the racket, like, an hour ago?"
"Uh... long story."
>She slightly rolls her eyes.
>"Always is."
>You follow her into the cafeteria.
"So when's this bakery thing opening?"
>"Right now!"
>She walks into the serving place and throws on an apron and chef hat.
>She puts a small sign that says 'open' on the counter.
>Just as you're about to say something, she pulls a string and drops another sign.
>You'd read what it says, but it falls into your face the minute you look up.
>It's also made out of wood.
>You fall on your ass and instinctively clutch your face.
"I deserved that."
>"Oh, I'm so sorry, Anon! I forgot how TALL you are!"

>You move your hands and see the sign.
>In swirly pink and blue lettering, it reads, 'Sweetie's Sweet Treats'.
>She hops over to you, trying to pick you up.
"Nice name. I like it."
>She smiles and offers a hoof up.
>You do most of the getting up yourself, but Jesus if she wasn't strong.
>Stronger than that stallion you owned, for sure.
>You dust yourself off and look at the sign.
>It's pretty damn huge.
>And the cafeteria's pretty much white, so it stands out pretty ridiculously.
>"Wanna help me make some cinnamon buns, Anon?"
"Hmm, I dunno, I'm pretty shit at baking."
>"Oh please, I'm sure you'll be fine!"
"Well... does the head guard pony do anything in the mornings?"

>"Why do you ask, Anon? Are you the new head guard?"
>You nod.
"Well, temporarily, at least. Bit of a situation going on."
>"Situation?"
>You turn to her, and after a second, she frowns.
>"Long story?"
>You just nod.
>"Always. Is."
>You turn back and notice the huge lack of ponies in the cafeteria.
>And a lot were already leaving their doors before you came here.
"Sweetie Drops?"
>"Yes?"
"...Why are there no ponies in the cafeteria? Breakfast IS right now, correct?"
>"Yes. If you're the head guard pony now, the inmates are waiting for you to search and escort them here."
>You pause.
"Search and escort?"
>She nods.
>"You have to individually search everypony's room for any items they can't have, then clear them to head on down here."
>You turn to her again.
"...I need to individually search the rooms of more than sixty ponies?!"
>She nods again.
>"It seemed a lot quicker with Guard Pony Blue Fuzz, because she knew which mares were the most trouble, buuut...-"
"...I don't know which ones."
>"Exactly. And, neither do I. But, on the bright side, it will give me more time to get things prepared!"
>You simply nod and see a few old mares enter with aprons and hairnets.
>...It's always old ladies.
"Well then, Guess I'll see you in, like, five hours."
>Sweetie smiles and waves.
>You leave the cafeteria.
>Sixty six fucking ponies, man.
>You don't think your heart's well enough for that.
>...Or your conscious.
>You open the cafeteria door, and see a whole line of mares just lined up by their doors.
>"Hey, Anon!"
>"Do you know where Guard Pony Blue Fuzz is?"
>You pause.
"Well... I-I'm taking over today..."
>They all pause.
>Then cheer.
>Then start whispering to each other.
>Fuck, well, on to the first pony, then.

>You walk down the line, getting a few whistles as you do.
>First up is a tan pony with an orange mane.
>"I-I hope everything's up to standards, Anonymous~"
"Yeah, me too..."
>You walk into her room.
>Not really that different from yours.
>Then again, how different can you get?
>It's still technically a prison, so you'd figure there wouldn't be that much room for decorations.
>You take a quick peek in the bathroom.
>It's fine.
>Open the nightstand drawer.
>Nothing.
>Closet?
>Nada.
>Just as you're about to leave, you remember a spot you missed.
>You bend over and check under the bed.
>The space was definitely capable of hiding something.
>And hell, these ponies have surprised you more than once.
>Better to be safe than sorry.
>You straighten yourself out and glance at the pony.
>They were right on your ass.
>They snap back to you, and she just hides her blushing face.
>...Alright, now you know to just crouch.
>You sigh.
"You're clear."
>She nods, and avoids your gaze as she walks towards the cafeteria.
>Oh.
>You thought you were actually going to have to escort them.
>Guess not.
>You leave the room and close the door, seeing all the ponies watching you, eagerly awaiting you to come by the rooms.
>Well, one down, sixty five to go.
>Yippee.
>Up next is a blue Pegasus with a pink mane.
>She flashes you a sultry grin.
>"I'm sure you'll find everything just perfect, Anon~"
>Christ.
>You go into her room and do the same sweep you did with the other mare.
>But right after you check the nightstand, you turn around and bump your crotch into her rump.
>"Oh, I'm sooo sorry, Anonymous! I'm just picking up what I dropped..."
>It's a condom.
>How the hell did she even get that here?
>You're pretty sure it's not allowed or something...
>But you really don't want to go through the most likely embarrassing process of reporting that.
>She backs up into you.
>You step back into the nightstand.
>She lifts her tai-
>NOPE.
>You leap onto the bed and trip over the frame.

>You fall on your face.
"Ouch."
>The mare comes rushing over to you.
>"Are you alright, Anon?!"
"Yup, I'm used to it by now."
>You sigh.
>"...Are you sure? Isn't there ANYTHING I can do to help you out?"
"No, I think I-"
>You look up.
"-OH MY GOD, NO."
>You shut your eyes.
>"What's the matter, Anon? Scared of a little mare?"
>You free your foot and stand up on the opposite side of bed.
"Y-you're cleared!"
>You practically dart outside of her room.
>You didn't even check everywhere.
>The mare quickly comes out.
>She closes her door and rubs your leg with her tail.
>Then she winks and leaves.
>...My god.
>-Alright, onto the next pony.
>An orange unicorn with a yellow mane.
>She looks at you, but doesn't say anything.
>No blushes, no flinching.
>You walk in and check the bathroom.
>Good.
>Closet?
>Good.
>Nightstand?
>Good.
>You look back and see the pony just watching you.
>She seems all serious.
>You smile.
>Wow, well, maybe there's hope for this whole thing after all?
>You glance under the bed-
>"WAIT NO DON'T LOOK THERE!!"
>There's a box.
>SU-SPIC-IOUS!
>You pull the box out and open i-
>-OH SWEET MOTHER OF HELL!
>"-NO CELESTIA! I-IT'S NOT M-MINE!"
>IT'S, IT'S SO BIG.
>A-AND VEINY!
>It's got 'ANON' written on the side.
"-OH MY GOD!"
>You shut the thing and shove it under the bed.
>The mare's so red you're sure she's some kind of shapeshifter.
>You both avoid each other's eyes.
"C-cleared..."
>Time for the next pony.
>Th-three down...

It's a white Pegasus with a light blue mane.
>"H-hi, Anonymous..."
>You just quickly wave and jump into her room.
>Bathroom.
>Check.
>Closet.
>Cheee-
>What is that?
>You look at a small cooler in the corner of the closest.
>You open it.
>...It's just filled with apples.
"Uh... why do you have a cooler full of apples?"
>You turn around and see the pony breaking down into tears, watching you from bed.
>"I-I'm sorry, Anon! I-I didn't mean to take so many apples from the cafeteria! I-I just, I-I get sn-snacky in the night, and- and, I-"
"-And what's so bad about having so many apples?"
>"You're not s-supposed to have food in your room!"
>She starts crying.
>"I'm sorry I'm such a bad pony, Anon! D-don't take away my pudding privileges, please!!"
>...You can do that?
"It's okay, I won't take your, uh, 'pudding privileges' away."
>She flies over and hugs you.
>"OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, ANON! I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS! THANK YOU!"
>You return the gesture and rub her back.
"Yeah, it's, uh, no big deal, really..."
>"THAAANK YOOOU!"
>She kisses your cheek and flies off.
>...You didn't even say her room was cleared.
>You sigh and check the nightstand.
>It's filled with pears.
>What the fuck.
>You look under the bed.
>Oranges.
>You just stare at them for a moment.
>...You're not sure how to react to this.
>You simply stand up and leave the room.
>That's four.
>Christ, this was going to fucking take forever and a half.

>Next contestant's a pink pony with yellow hair.
>She's blushing.
>Her eyes lock on yours for a split second, before snapping forward.
>Great, what does THIS one have?
>Bathroom?
>Check.
>Closet?
>Check.
>Nightstand?
>Che-
>...That's a button.
>You just stare at it.
>...Do you REALLY want to know what this does?
>You hesitantly push it.
>You hear a click behind you.
>From the closet.
>You walk up to it and notice what looks like a secret compartment.
>Holy shit, you MIGHT have actually found-
>You pause.
>You silently gasp.
>It's a shrine.
>Of YOU.
>Candid pictures of you.
>The ones with Ary had her face cropped out and replaced with the mare.
>Christ in a goddamn basket.
>You just stare wordlessly at the candles and shit before closing the door and leaving the room.
"W-wow, I didn't find a thing in your room. You're cleared."
>"Thanks, Anon!"
>The mare walks off.
>...Sweet Jesus.
>You shake your head and walk up to the next pony.
>She's a light orange unicorn with an even lighter mane, chatting with the pony next to her.
>You lightly tap her back-
>"-HIYAAA!!-"
>-And get punched right in the dick.
>You let out a high pitched yelp that silences the entire hallway.
>"O-oh my gosh, sorry, Anon!! Instinct!"
>Your balls feel like they're going to fall off.
>Hooves are fucking HARD.
>And that smashed RIGHT into your unborn children.
>All you can do is wheeze.
"I-it's okay..."
>You slowly worm your way into the room and start taking a few deep breaths.
>The mare walks in and just envelops your junk in a light orange glow.
>She also blushes furiously while doing so.
>But, in about a second, you magically feel better.
>She just plays with her hooves.
>"S-sorry, Anon..."
>You clear your throat and wave it off.
>...You've gotta plan to jerk off at some point so your kids don't come out retarded...
>After an extremely quick sweep, you count the room as clear and cup yourself while moving onto the next pony.
>Six down.
>You're like, an eleventh of the way there.

>This pony's a raspberry color.
>Or plum...?
>Well, it's a purple looking color.
>...And she looks drunk as fuck.
>"'Bout time my turn came up. How much you want, huh?"
"What?"
>"How much you want? What are your... 'rates'?"
"...Are you soliciting me?"
>She giggles.
>"Mmmaaayyybeee..."
>You just walk into the room.
>Bathroom?
>Ch-
>Filled with bottles of vodka.
>Closet?
>-Rum.
>Nightstand?
>-Wine.
>Under the bed?
>-FUCKING KEGS.
>They're IN the ground.
>...This mare's got a problem.
>She hops onto her bed and lifts her rump.
>"S-so you gonna do this, or what? I-it'd actually be my first time..."
>You wave your hand.
"N-no, I'm good. Gotta tend to my guard duties, and stuff..."
>She grins and hops off her bed.
>"A serious guy, huh? I can get into that..."
>She brushes your leg with her tail and wobbily stands on her hind hooves.
>She leans into your ear.
>"But could you get into ME?"
>You just awkwardly smile.
"U-uh, m-maybe later. But don't you want breakfast, for now?"
>She pauses.
>"...That's a good idea."
>She gets off of you and wobbles out of the room.
>Well, shit.
>This room's definitely NOT cleared...
>You just don't understand how so much of that shit got past all the other guards.
>She wasn't exactly hiding the booze very well.
>You walk outside and move to the next pony.
>You stop.

>This pony's green, and has a jet black head of hair.
>She has a question mark on her flank.
>You just... stare.
>After a moment, she glares at you.
>"You gonna keep staring at my ass, or are you going to check the fucking room already?"
>You get taken back.
>"Yeah, that's right, I fucking cussed. Now hurry this shit up and fuck off."
>You just nod and walk into the bathroom.
>Che-
>Nope, that toothbrush is definitely sharpened...
>You walk over and pick it up.
>"What, never seen a goddamn toothbrush before?"
>You turn and see her standing by the door.
>This mare's got a mad poker-face going on.
"This is a goddamn shank."
>"Really? Because it looks like a fucking toothbrush to me."
>You put the thing in your pocket.
>She angrily scrunches.
>"Asshole."
>You just move over to the closet.
>There's a suit.
>-One that looks pretty much exactly like yours.
>And it's much too big for her.
>"Don't touch that shit, it's fucking expensive."
>You comply and move over to the nightstand.
>There's a dirty magazine in there.
>You grab it and look at her.
>She shrugs.
>"Gotta make do with what you have."
>You just put it back and close that shit.
>You check under the bed.
>OH GOD IT'S ANOTHER DILDO.
>A mortified look crosses your face.
>You look up at the mare.
>Now she's blushing madly and pawing at the ground.
>"G-gotta make do with what you h-have..."
>You're just glad it doesn't have your name written on it...
"Cleared."
>She rubs her hooves together.
>"Y-yeah, thanks..."
> She quickly trots outside.
>Eight.

>Onto the next pony.
>Light blue with a grey mane.
>She's on the floor, shaking.
>You kind of just shrug it off, and take a step forwar-
>"-NO DON'T GO IN THERE!"
>-Your leg is grabbed, and you fall on your face.
>She either doesn't notice, or doesn't care.
>Instead, she picks your head up and turns it towards one of the walls.
>There's a spider on it.
>It slightly moves.
>The mare screams and cowers under you.
>Like, literally under you.
>She swooped and laid down under you, rump touching Jr.
>L-lewd...
>"D-don't let it get me!!"
>You stand up, and she wraps her hooves around your chest like a snake.
"It's just a spider-"
>-It moves-
>"-GAAAAH! SAVE ME, SAVE ME, ANON!"
>She starts sobbing.
>You just soothingly rub her back.
"Don't worry, I've got this."
>She slides over and hangs onto the back of your head.
>You take off your shoe and quickly smash the thing.
>You suddenly feel a little wet spot on your neck.
>In between where her flanks ar-
>OH MY GOD.
>SHE JUST-
>YOU-
>SHE GOT TURNED ON BY WATCHING YOU KILL A SPIDER.
>You calmly put her down, trying to pretend you didn't feel anything.
>For both of your sakes.
>And of course, she's blushing like crazy.
>"Th-thank you, Anon! You're so brave..."
>You just smile and nod.
>You quickly look through everything.
"Cleared..."
>She smiles, and walks off.
>You can see a small, matted part of fur on one leg.
>Jr. likes what he sees, but...
>A spider?
>What's arousing about-
>-Fuck it, who cares.
>Next pony.

>Red unicorn with a white mane.
>You smile and take a step inside-
>"Umm, word of advice... don't look through the closet..."
>You nod.
>Well fuck, now you HAVE to look through the closet.
>These ponies aren't very good at being secretive...
>Bathroom?
>Check.
>Closet?
>...There's a huge piece of particle board behind the closet door.
>It's perfectly fitted and taped everywhere.
>There's a poorly drawn illusion of an empty closet.
>...Reeaal fuckin' shady.
>You start to take off the tape and move the board. 
>The unicorn gasps.
>"N-NO! I TOLD YOU NOT TO-"
>You rip the board off.
>Your heart sinks.
>Your breath gets caught in your throat.
>In front of you, mere inches from your face.
>A spider web.
>A HUGE, FUCKING SPIDER WEB.
>IT'S BIGGER THAN YOU.
>THERE'S SPIDERS CRAWLING ALL OVER IT.
>You let out the girliest, most terrified shriek you never thought was possible.
>You run out of the room, slam the door, then hide behind the pony.
>"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! THEY WERE GOING TO BE DEALT WITH TODAY!!"
>Some of the damn things are so huge that you can hear skittering behind the door.
>You just developed a new phobia.
>The mare pulls a roll of duct tape from her mane and tapes the ends of the door.
>She frowns.
>"...My room is filled with spiders."
>She glares at you.
>"You filled my room with spiders! Where am I going to sleep, now?!"
>You take a deep breath and stand up again.
>You warily look at the door before turning back to the pony.
>She's scrunching.
"Well, you could sleep in my room. I think it's big enough for someone else to sleep in, if you want...?"
>All the mares within earshot gasp.
>Her anger quickly fades.
>She lights up.
>"R-really?"
>You nod.
>"O-okay! Thanks!"
>She walks towards the cafeteria.

>You just stare at the taped up door as you flee into the next room.
>But the pony's not waiting by it.
>And the door's closed.
>You slowly open it.
>The mare's on the bed, gnawing on these ha-hoofcuffs that have her held to the bed.
>Grey coat, white mane.
>She spots you and immediately stops.
>"O-oh, nooo, I'm SOO defenseless right now! It'd be a shame if I were to somehow be taken advantage of, by a big, strong security guard stallion!"
>You just look at her.
>She just stares back.
>"...Uh, that's all I got. So, are you gonna do me, or what?"
>You just shake your head and peek into the bathroom.
>Check.
>Closet?
>Check.
>You come up to the nightstand, and she nudges you with her free hoof.
>"I-if you're not gonna do me, can you at least let me go? I'm... actually kinda stuck..."
>She points a hoof at the ground.
>You look down and see a key.
>After casually picking it up, you unlock the cuff.
>"Th-thanks..."
"Mhmm."
>Nightstand?
>Check.
>"S-say, Anon..."
"Yeah?"
>"Was... was that sexy? D-did you like it?"
>You put a hand to your chin.
>She just awaits your reaction.
"...Yeah, that was pretty good. If I wasn't with Aryanne, I MIGHT have THOUGHT about it."
>"-Aw, yeah! And they said I couldn't pull it off!"
"-What-"
>"-Nothing! Bye!"
>She hops off and leaves the room.
>...Alright.
>Next pony.
>Pink coat and purple mane.
>You walk in, and she follows you.
>Then closes the door.
>Before you can say anything, she looks at you.
>"So, Anon... you cool?"
"Uh... what?"
>She looks from side to side.
>"Y-you know... are you... 'cool'?"
>You just pause.
"I have no idea what you're trying to say here."

>She huffs.
>"...Just come over here. I can get you a little something..."
>You follow the mare over to the closet.
>She checks her surroundings again for a bit, then opens the closet door.
>There's a stack of chocolate pudding cups in a cardboard box. 
>She picks one up and carefully places it in your pocket.
>"So... you're cool... right?"
>...Did she just bribe you with pudding?
>ILLEGAL pudding?
"Yeah... yeah, I'm cool."
>"Good. Now, this never happened. Anypony asks where you got that, just say you found it, alright?"
>You nod.
>It's just pudding, so why do you feel so...
>Wrong?
>She pats your back, and just walks you outside.
>"Let's just call the room clear, alright?"
>You nod.
>"Good. Have a good day, Anonymous."
>She walks to the cafeteria.
>Jesus, that was shady.
>Buuut, you got pudding.
>So it's alright.
>...Hopefully.
>You move onto the next pony.
>Lime green unicorn with a blue mane.
>You walk into the room and pause.
>The room is completely empty.
>You turn to her.
"Uh, why is your room completely cleaned out?"
>She frowns.
>"It's not."
>You turn back to the obviously empty room.
>You decide to humor her for a moment, and casually walk i-
>"WATCH OUT FOR THE TABLE-"
>You trip over something and fall on your face.
>You can hear glass shattering.
>"You broke my vase!"
>You try to pick yourself up, and bump your head.
"OW, SHIT!"
>You rub it, and feel the top of your head.
>You can feel something solid above it.
"The hell is this?!"
>You feel around it.
>Whatever it is, it's fucking INVISIBLE.
>You move away and stand up.
>You hit something with the back of your head.
>It falls and breaks.
>"MY PAINTING!"
>You quickly jump forward and trip again.
>"ANON YOU'RE RUINING MY BED!"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!"
>You get tangled up in invisible sheets, fall off the bed, and hit something else.
>"ANON WATCH OUT FOR THE BOOKSHELF!"
>You start getting hit in the face with invisible books.

>They're all hardcover.
>You hear a small creaking noise.
>"ANON-"
>You get crushed by the supposed bookshelf.
>Luckily all it does is knock the wind out of you.
>You grab and lift it back up, then stand.
>You try running towards the door, then trip on what you assume is a rug.
>You fall over the table again, and tumble outside into the hallway.
>Everything hurts.
>You groan and get up.
>The pony's just staring, slack-jawed at the nothing-ness of the room.
>Though, it SOUNDED like you ruined the place.
"S-sorry. You can just stay with me, too..."
>Her expression does a full one-eighty.
>"Oh, okay!"
>Then she walks off.
>You sigh, then limp over to the other pony.
>Tan coat, brown hair.
>Nothing looks invisible in her room.
>So far, so good...
>"S-so, she gets to stay in your room because her stuff is broken?"
"Well, yeah... you can't sleep in a trashed roo-"
>Before you can say anymore, she runs inside and throws her nightstand over.
"-What the HELL are y-"
>She flips over her bed and breaks it.
>Then she charges and bucks the closet doors in half.
>She hops over and sits in front of you, tail wagging excitedly.
>"-Can I stay in your room, now?"
>You just stare at the scene before you.
>Then turn to the cute, innocent-looking pony that just finished creating it.
"...Fuck it, whatever, sure."
>She squees and beams.
>"Thank you, Anon!!"
>She hugs your legs, then hops out of her room.
>You can hear her giggling on her way out.
>Christ, these ponies...
>That's, thirteen now, you think.

>The next mare is-
>-That's not a mare.
>It's a guy.
>You never thought you'd be so happy to see a fellow guy.
>He's a brown Pegasus with a lighter brown mane.
>He just casually smiles at you.
>You let out a relieved sigh.
>Finally, you're getting a fucking break, here.
>He laughs.
>"The mares've been giving you trouble, huh?"
>You softly laugh back and nod.
"Too MUCH trouble."
>"Yeah, it sounded like it."
>You share a nice, friendly smile, then walk into the room.
>Bathroom?
>Check.
>"Yeah, I've been in the same boat, before."
"Really, now?"
>Closet?
>Check.
>"Pft, oh, yeah, all the time... Mares coming at me left and right- it was ridiculous..."
"And what about now?"
>"Oh, I got taken off the market."
>Nightstand?
>Check.
>Under the bed?
>-Because you finally feel fucking safe-
>Che-
>You still feel that you're being stared at.
>Oh, don't fucking tell me-
>You feel a hoof gently rub your leg.
>"And, you know, me and my very special somepony are ALWAYS looking for a third..."
>He slaps your ass.
"-N-NO THANKS!!"
>You jump up and awkwardly smile on your way out.
>"-You sure? We could use somepony as strong and tall as you~"
"-YEAH I'M GOOD YOU'RE CLEARED BYE THANKS."
>You practically fly into the other pony's room.
>You turn around and see the stallion walking by.
>He winks at you.
>You shudder.
>You felt like you were about to get raped.
>After a quick breath, you calm yourself.
>Green pony with pinkish hair.
>You rub your ass and peek into the bathroom.
>...It smells a bit weird, but is good.
>Like burnt shit.
>You shrug it off.
>Closet?
>Check.
>Nightstan-
>-Nope, that's a fucking pipe.
>You turn around.
>The pony's lighting up a fucking joint in front of you.
>Her eyes are already red as shit.
>And you don't even understand how she's using that damn lighter.
>She smiles, then offers you some.
"No, no, I'm good..."
>She shrugs, then takes a huge puff.
>She blows all this smoke in your face.
>You accidently inhale the shit and start coughing.

>Your throat burns like hell.
>You keep coughing, and just leave the room.
>Definitely NOT cleared...
>You move into the next room.
>Grey pony with red hair.
>Unable to say much, you just peek into the bathroom.
>Check.
>You go into another coughing fit.
>The pony worriedly looks at you.
>"Are you okay?"
>You slowly nod, and take a few breaths.
>"Are you sure?"
>You nod again, then resume your search.
>Closet?
>Check.
>Nightstand?
>You stare at it for a moment, then just start uncontrollably laughing.
>"Umm, a-are you alright?"
>You turn to her and start laughing harder.
>"W-what's so funny?"
>You shake your head.
"I-I don't fucking kno- AHAHAHA- OH SHIT, HAHA!"
>She shrinks.
>"Y-you're scaring me..."
>You move over to the closet and laugh at it.
"HAHAHA, IT'S BROWN, L-LIKE A NIGGER!"
>You start cracking up and pointing at the closet.
>You clutch your stomach.
"W-WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING FUNNY- HAHAHA!! OH GOD MY SIDES- AHAHA- FUCK!"
>You laugh at yourself.
>The mare's just absolutely terrified.
>You laugh at her expression.
"I-I'M SORR- AHAHA, FUCKING TITTY SPRINKLES!"
>You cover your face with a hand and just continue laughing.
>Your sides hurt like shit.
>You take a few deep breaths and fix yourself.
>You stop laughing, and sigh.
"Well, THAT was an interesting experience..."
>The mare is just staring at you, half with worry, and the other with fear.
"S-sorry about that. I don't know why that just happened."
>Actually, you know EXACTLY why that happened.
>...Damn weed pony.

>The mare simply nods, then slowly walks away from you.
"Sorry!"
>Well, that's sixteen, now.
>...You think.
>Kinda lost count, here.
>Invisible furniture and spiders will do that to you.
>You move onto the next room.
>White unicorn with a pink mane.
>She smiles.
>It's a small, genuine looking smile.
>Maybe THIS will be the first normal one?
>-Well actually, that last mare was pretty normal.
>But you were too busy laughing and freaking her the fuck out to enjoy it very well.
>You sigh and walk into the bathroom.
>Check.
>You turn around, and the pony puts a rag up to your mouth.
>You instinctively hold your breath.
>You look at her.
"...This is isopropyl alcohol."
>She frowns.
>"W-what? Really?"
>She puts it up to her mouth and passes out.
>...Wow.
>She actually fell for that.
>You sigh and move on.
>Closet?
>Check.
>Nightstand?
>-There's a book in there.
>'How to Kidnap a Stallion: A 101 on Capturing That Very Special Somepony'.
>...Jesus.
>How did a book like this get LEGALLY printed?
>-Well, what the hell are you saying?
>Mares practically own this damn planet, from what you've seen.
>But holy shit, resorting to kidnapping?
>You turn the book over.
>'Over three MILLION copies in Equestria sold!'
>...That's a scary statistic.
>Might as well say, 'over three million mares plotting to kidnap you!'.
>You shudder and close the nightstand drawer.
>You check the bed as well, then turn back to the passed out pony on the ground.
>You sigh again, then carry her under your left arm.
>It's crazy how flexible these ponies are.
>It's like they're made out of Play-Doh.
>Or marshmallows.

>Whelp, next room it is.
>This one's a bright red pony with a wine-colored mane.
>She frowns at you.
>"Where's Blue Fuzz?"
"I'm taking over for her today."
>"-That's not what I asked. Where is she?"
>Her eyes practically burn into yours.
>You sigh.
"There was a bit of an accident a few hours ago..."
>Her eyes widen.
>"W-what kind of accident?"
>You pause.
"I don't think I should tell-"
>She gets in your face in pokes your chest with a hoof.
>"You BETTER tell me what happened to my partner, Anonymous!!"
"...Partner? You mean like, 'partner' partner, or-"
>She scoffs.
>"Try partners in the force. EPD."
>You raise a brow.
"Really, now? Then why are you an inmate here?"
>She pauses, then glares at you.
>She jabs your chest again.
>"For taking down the last pony that tried to hurt her."
>You scan her for a moment, trying to find the smallest hint that she was lying.
>You found nothing.
>You sigh once again.
"She, uh... tried taking her life."
>The mare's expression instantly turns grave.
>"S-she didn't..."
>You just nod.
"I had to take her to the hospital because she downed a whole bottle of pills..."
>She silently falls on her haunches, staring straight through you.
>"Sh-she finally went through with it..."
>Her eyes snap to you.
>"I-is she alright?"
"Hopefully. The doctor said that he believed there wouldn't be too much permanent damage, but I don't know..."
>She slowly nods.
>"Too much..."
>You nod in return.
"He used a lot of doctor talk."
>She nods again, then looks past you.
>At the main entrance.
>Then she sighs.
"...You know, me and Aryanne are planning on seeing her when we're able to. I'm sure I can convince her to let you come with us."
>A hopeful smile crosses her face.
>"R-really?"
"Of course. If you're really her partner, I'm sure she'd want to see you."
>She nods again, and grins.
>"It's why she's a guard here."

>She stands up and waits by the door.
>"...Well, if you need to search, then by all means, go ahead, Anonymous."
>You just look into the room, then wave your hand.
"If you're good enough for the head guard, then I'm sure you're good enough for a lowly alien like myself."
>She puts on an amused smirk.
>"Very well then. I expect to see you soon... peasant Anonymous."
>You reply with a mock bow.
>-Which is a bit difficult, on account of the passed out pony you still have in your possession.
>She pauses for a moment, then slightly smiles.
>"...Thank you, Anonymous. For taking care of Blue."
>You nod.
>She walks off, towards the cafeteria.
>Alrighty.
>Next pony.
>Pink coat, yellow hair.
>Before you can enter, the pony in your arm starts to stir.
>She slowly opens her eyes, then looks at you.
>She sighs.
>"...How did I fall for that?"
>You just reply with a hug.
"Could you not do it again?"
>Her face is horribly red.
>Her ears fall, and her eyes trail to the floor.
>She nods.
>"S-sorry, Anonymous..."
>You pet her mane and smile.
"No need to apologize. I'm sure you'll find a wonderful stallion some day."
>"Yeah... some day..."
>She looks so sad.
>It breaks your heart.
>...Even though she tried to knock you out.
>You pull the pudding from your pocket and hand it to her.
>She stares at it.
>"H-how?-"
"I've got connections. Now enjoy it- I don't want to see anymore sadness from you, understood?"
>She manages a small smile.
>"S-sure, Anonymous. Thank you."
>You smile in return, boop her, then place her on the ground.
>She just blushes harder, then walks away with a smile on her face, and some pudding in her hoof.
>Okay, back to pink and yellow pony.

>She just looks at you with a pouty face.
>"W-why don't I get a hug?"
>You smile and extend your arms.
"You want one?"
>She gasps and happily jumps onto you.
>You embrace her, feeling how horribly hot her face is at the moment.
>She buries her head under your chin and sighs.
>...Seriously, why is that such a popular thing with ponies?
>You're only concerned about it because you're sure it'll give you another heart attack, sooner or later.
>And man, they're so soft...
>You pull yourself away from your thoughts and gently try to set the mare dow-
>"C-can I just stay like this? Until you clear the room?"
>You look down.
>-She's giving you a pouty face.
>Oh man, those puppy dog eyes-
>-Actually, FUCK puppies.
>Those damn things aren't anywhere NEAR as cute as these ponies are.
>Puppies don't give a healthy man fucking heart attacks.
>That's how cute these mares are.
>...Even when they're trying to kidnap you.
"Sure, you can stay like that."
>She beams, and resumes her position of snuggling on you.
>Alright, back to business...
>Bathroom?
>Check.
>Closet?
>Check.
>Nightstand?
>Checkamundo.
>You walk outside of the room.
>...The pony doesn't move.
>She's like a leech.
"Uh... your room's cleared."
>She looks up.
>"O-oh, is it?"
>You nod.
>"Oh... well, then, I guess I'll have to stop hugging you, then?"
>You nod again.
>"-A-and go back to sleeping in my cold, lonely room, all by myself... with nopony to cuddle me..."
>You hesitate, but nod a third time.
>"Y-yeah, okay... I- I understand... Nopony would ever want to cuddle with me, anyways..."
>She hops out of your arms and slowly walks away.
>...Damn, you're probably going to regret this...
"...Would you rather sleep in my room, tonight?"
>Her eyes shine, but she masks it with a small, hopeful look.
>"Well, I-I wouldn't want to be a burden..."
"I'm sure there's enough room."
>She makes a small smile.
>"Th-thank you..."
>You nod.
>She walks away.
>She only does for a few seconds, then starts hopping excitedly.

>...Yeah, you're probably going to regret this.
>Or your heart's going to, rather.
>You sigh and get back on track.
>Next up is a Pegasus.
>With a lot of colors.
>Black front hooves, white underside, blue top, an orange barrier in between, silvery mane.
>It reminded you of some kind of bird.
>...Whatever.
>You got a job to do.
>Bathroom?
>Check.
>Closet?
>Check.
>Nightstand?
>-There's a typewriter on it.
>You're not sure if that's bad or not.
>How could you even sneak IN a typewriter?
>You shrug it off and open the nightstand.
>Stacks of papers.
>Front page says, 'Anon in Pone Prison Thread', by 'Blu'.
>The missing 'e' really irks you.
>You flip to the end and read at the last page.
>-Wait, what the fuck?
>You read the shit over again.
>'He reads the page over again, obviously confused as to what he was looking at.'
>...You're tripping out.
>'He's tripping out.'
>'You slowly peek around the corner and see him reading.'
>'He turns to you.'
>You anxiously turn, and that pony's just, standing there, blushing.
>You turn back to the page.
>'"I've been waiting for you." He says.'
>''M-me, too...''
>'He swoops in and takes you into his big, strong arms.'
>'You squeak in surprise, then relax.'
>'He gently places you on your bed, then unzips his pants, revealing his-'
>-FUCK NO.
>You drop the papers and just look at the pony.
>She smiles, then slowly extends her hooves to you.
>...She's waiting for you to pick her up, like in that story.
>That weird... oddly accurate story.
>-Well, up until this point, at least.
>You just stare at her.
"...Your room's cleared."
>She pauses.
>"W-what?"
"Your room's cleared."
>You stand up and just start walking out.
>"W-wait!"

>You slowly turn.
>She sits on the carpet, stares at the ground, and taps her hooves together nervously.
>"Y-you don't want to... stay, for a bit?"
"...No."
>She pouts.
>"W-why not?"
"Because this isn't some weird, lewd fan-fiction story."
>Her cheeks burn again.
>Her eyes trail to the floor.
>...It's making you really sad, actually.
>You sigh and swoop in, taking her into your arms.
>She squeaks in surprise, then relaxes.
"...I won't do to you what I saw in that story, but hugs aren't off the table."
>She looks up at you and smiles.
>Goddamn, she's so soft and fluffy.
>Like... abnormally fluffy.
>But you enjoy it.
>After a moment, you set her down and smile, then walk out of the room.
>She heads for the cafeteria, a small grin and a blush still present on her cheeks.
>And now, next pony!
>Yellow coat, brown hair.
>She sits on her haunches and extends her hooves towards you.
>You kind of just, stare at her for a moment, then look at the long line of all the other ponies waiting to see you.
>They're all watching you.
>...And that probably means they saw you hug a few of their peers.
>The yellow pony smiles cutely at you.
"You're expecting a hug, aren't you?"
>She vigorously nods.
>You pretend to roll your eyes and sigh.
"I GUEEESS."
>She squeaks and scoots a little closer, still holding her hooves out to you.
>...Seriously, how the fuck do you say NO to that?
>Hell, if you had a chance of going back home, you'd definitely take every single pony you could back there.
>You'd wake up and sleep with cuddly mares every single day.
>...Instead of dealing with the claws, piss and cat shit you've been so used to for, like, the last decade.
>You shudder.
>But, as of now, you wake up to a wonderful hotel-prison room, a new job, and an assertive, adorable white Nazi warden pony with a hidden accent.
>You smile.
>Still no utopia, but shit-
>-Life's good.

>You shake yourself away from your thoughts and look at the pony still waiting for her hug.
>You kneel, and she hops into your arms, hugging your chest and making you fall on your ass.
>Now on top of you, she looks down.
>"S-sorry."
>You simply wave it off and pet her mane.
>Her ears fold down, and she leans into your hand.
>She softly hums and lies down on you.
>You hear another mare impatiently huff a little bit away.
>She scrunches and hops off.
>"S-s-sorry..."
>You wave it off again and smile.
>Now, room checking time.
>Bathroom?
>Check.
>Closet?
>-Ignoring that pillow with your face printed on it, check.
>Nightstand?
>-Now ignoring the burnt, preserved piece of your beautiful suit, check.
>You turn and notice that the pony's not watching you or anything.
>Though you're pretty sure that they're not supposed to follow you in while you search the room in the first place, you thought it was a bit weird that she stayed behind.
>You start walking out, when a pair of hooves come from the bathroom and tackle you.
>Or TRY to.
>Instead, you just manage to fall on your face, for like, what, the fifth time?
>The pony gasps and rushes over to your side.

>"A-ARE YOU OKAY, ANON? OH JEEZ, I'M SO SORRY! I-I TRIED TO SURPRISE YOU WITH A HUG, A-AND-"
"-No, no, it's alright. Falling on my face seems to be the running gag today."
>You dryly laugh.
>She nods, but still clings to you with this horribly worried look in her eyes.
>She also LITERALLY clings to you.
>She's got you in that half-octopus grip, all wrapped around your chest and such.
>You walk outside of the room, expecting her to hop off.
>She doesn't.
>She just looks at the floor, then at you.
>"A-are you sure you're alright?"
>You shake your head.
>"Y-you're NOT alright?! What's wrong?!"
>You just pause.
"Well, I got an adorable four-legged leech on me, so that's-"
>"-WHERE?!"
>She starts frantically scanning you.
>"-I DON'T SEE IT!"
>You smile.
"Oh, it's riiight, here."
>You boop her.
>She scrunches, then blushes at the same time.
>She ...schlushes.
>...Alright, never make words again.
>"W-wait, you think I'm c-cute?"
"Well... yeah? I-"
>She faints.
>You instinctively catch her, then sigh.
>...Great, so now you've got another passed out pony.
>You hold her under your arm and move over to the next mare.
>The first thing that throws you off here is this one's eyebrows.
>In the sense that, well, she actually HAD some.
>Well, clean ones, at least.
>That weed pony had crazy eyebrows.
>But you were too busy coughing to really take full notice.
>She smiles at you.
>Her coat was a light blue, and mane a darker blue.
>-Well, no, it was like... a... purplish, dark blue... blue?
>You scratch your chin.
>"...Why are you staring at my mane?"
>You point at it.
"What would you call that color? Blue dark purple? And your coat, it's like, a light, grey, aqua color... I'm sure there's a specific name for it, or some shit..."
>She looks at her mane.
>"I've been told it's a dark indigo color-"
"-Fuck, indigo, there you go! ...God, I always hated that fucking color in school..."

>She frowns.
>"I-"
"-Oh, no, shit, I didn't mean I hate your mane color or anything, but I fucking hated it when I'd see a crayon and think it's blue, then it'd turn out all bluish-purple... I really like your mane."
>She just faintly smiles.
>"Thanks."
>She slowly moves from the door and motions inside.
>"So, I'm, uh, sorry about the mess..."
>You wave your hand.
"Nothing can compare to the state of my previous room, I'm sure."
>Fucking cats, man.
>Seriously.
>You walk into the room.
>Sure enough, there's shit everywhere.
>And thankfully, not literally.
>There's music sheets everywhere, books, and some lined papers filled to the brim with whatever the hell.
>The shit that was on the bed at least gave SOME room to sleep.
>It looked pretty damn messy, actually.
"Daaamn."
>She just slowly nods.
"Are you some kind of musician or something?"
>She shakes her head.
>"I'm a singer... Well, I USED to be..."
"Really? And how'd you end up here?"
>She sighs and sits on the floor.
>"My former manager sabotaged a performance of mine by rigging the microphones. They shattered every glass object within a three mile radius..."
"...Wow. Damn, that's really fucked up. Couldn't that be labeled as an act of terrorism for the manager or some shit?"
>She nods.
>"It was... But nopony could prove that what I told them was true..."
>She starts sobbing.
>You drop the unconscious pony in your arms and kneel for a hug.
>She slowly leans into you and cries on your shoulder.
>Goddamn, your heart is in PIECES.
"...Is there anything in particular I can do to make you feel better? Pudding, maybe?"
>You feel her shake her head.
>"I-I just want to be able to sing for ponies again..."

>You think for a moment.
"...That could probably be arranged."
>She pulls away and looks at you with a hopeful smile.
>"What? R-really?! You could do that?"
"Well, I got a friend of mine a bakery, so I-"
>"Sweet Celestia, thank you-THANK you!!"
>She crushes you in another hug.
"Yeah, you're welcome."
>"Oh, you just, you don't know how much this MEANS to me!"
>...How many times have you heard that?
>Three times?
>She kisses you on the cheek and giggles.
>"Thank you, Anonymous. Oh, thank you..."
"Mhmm... Just, you know, doin' my job, really."
>You can hear a soft gasp from your side, and the yellow pony wakes up.
>She sees you hugging and frowns.
>"H-hey, I want a hug!"
>She just joins in and hugs you both.
>"Aww yeeaah, that's better..."
>It IS better.
>Double the mares, double the cuddliness.
>Goddamn, you love this place.
>You ever tried hugging an inmate back home, you'd get fucking stabbed and raped, most likely.
>But here you get cuddled and hugged.
>Shit's fucking nice.
>You hear a content sigh, and slowly, everyone breaks the hug.
>"That was awwesome."
>You nod.
>The other pony wipes her tears away with a hoof and smiles.
>"Thanks again, Anonymous. I promise, I'll find some way to repay you."
>You wave your hand.
"It's on the house."
>She softly shakes her head, then rests a hoof on your shoulder.
>"I'll find a way."
>She smiles, then walks out of the room.
>The yellow one sticks with you.
>She just stares at you with a cute smirk on her face.
"...Uh... aren't you going to go, too?"
>She pouts.
>"Do... do I HAVE to?"
>You think for a bit.
"I'm pretty sure, yeah."
>She lets a long, drawn out sigh.
>"Oookaaay..."

>She gets up and slowly walks out.
>...Why does everything these ponies do make you sad?
>You look one last time at the mess in the room before walking out.
>Alright, next pon-
>Well, the door's closed.
>You open it up, and immediately get tackled by a grey Pegasus with a blue mane.
>"I'm FREEEEE! AHAHAHAAA!"
>The pony looks down at you.
>"What year is it? How long was I in there?"
"Uh, what?-"
>"Somepony ordered this stupid pizza and gave me the wrong room number! I've been trapped in here for Celestia KNOWS how long! Do you have ANY idea how horrible it was?! I thought I was going to DIE! I had to eat the WHOLE pizza, just so I could survive!"
"...Someone ordered pizza?"
>The mare vigorously nods.
>In a prison?
>"And somepony's gotta pay for this, both literally AND figuratively!"
"Well, I think we should find out who ordered it, first."
>"Agreed!"
>She just stays on top of you.
>There's a long moment of silence between you both.
>She just anxiously stares at you.
"...So, can I get up, or...?"
>She looks at her hooves.
>"Oh! Right!"
>She moves away, and you stand up.
>"Sweet Luna's BEARD, you are TALL!"
>You smile.
"Yeah, I get that a lot."
>Too much, honestly.
>You walk into the room the pony was in and see the empty pizza box.
>You grab the order paper from her bag.
>You stare at it.
>Then you turn back to the pony.
"...This says the order was given four hours ago."
>"-What?! No way! It's been DAYS, I'm sure of it!"
>You glance at the paper again and shake your head.
"Four hours."
>She walks over and snatches the paper from you.
>Her eyes viciously scan it.
>Her ears fall.
>"...O-oh..."
>She looks at the empty pizza box.
>"I-I'm gonna get FAT!"
>She turns to you.
>"I don't want to get fat! Do I look fat? Is my rump fat?"
>She spins around with a worried look on her face.
>"I-is it?!"

>You just stare.
>...No, Little Anon, go back to sleep.
"N-no, y-you're, uh, you're fine."
>She lets out a relieved sigh and smiles.
>"That's good to know! Woo, I had myself worried there!"
>You just nod and start heading outside.
>You hear a really loud crash from the room next door.
>The fuck?
>You make your way over to the next room.
>The door's closed.
>You give it three firm knocks.
>The aggressive police kind.
"What's going on in there? Is everyone alright?"
>The door slowly opens.
>You can hear a few shushes behind the pony opening it.
>She's light blue, and has a brown mane.
>Also, the lights are off in the room.
>She squeezes between the door and smiles.
>"Heeey, Anonymous! What's up?"
>"-Oh, it's Anon? Let him in, he's cool!"
>The mare cocks an eyebrow.
>"You're cool?"
>Before you can say anything, the pony that gave you the pudding earlier squeezes through.
>"Heey, Anon! Come on in, stuff's just gettin' started!"
>She looks at the delivery pony.
>"Oh, hey, and the pizza's here! ...Thirty minutes or it's free, right?"
>"I ATE it."
>"Aww, what? Why?"
>"Because I was TRAPPED in a room for FOUR HOURS, that's why!!"
>"...You know the doors lock from the INSIDE, right?"
>"W-what?"
>She slowly nods.
>"You could of just opened it..."
>There's a moment of silence between the four of you.
>"I don't think I can't un-eat pizza..."
>"Well, we've still got doughnuts, chips, and hay, right? Now come on, let's get this party back on track!"
>The two walk inside.
>The delivery mare starts making her way in, too.
>She turns back to you.
>"You're not coming?"
>You slowly rub the back of your neck with a hand.
"I don't think I should... I've still got a lot of rooms to clear..."
>Plus, who has parties in the MORNING?
>It's like breakfast at nigh-
>-Okay, breakfast at night is pretty fucking amazing, actually.
>But your point still stands!
>And speaking of standing, you've still got-
>Oh.
>It looks like all the ponies went back into their rooms.

>You kinda just stand there.
>You think you're like, halfway done here already.
>At this point, nobody was waiting at their doors anymore.
>You're taking so long that they've all just gone into their rooms to wait.
>While your internal debate is going on, you start to notice yourself slowly moving towards the door, without walking an inch.
>They're magic-ing you in.
>...Eh, fuck it, a quick stop at a party sounds cool.
>Still don't know why anyone would have a party so damn early in the morning, though.
>It's like hitting up the clubs on a Monday or something.
>People just don't do it.
>You shrug to yourself and walk inside.
>How bad could a little break be, though?
>The minute you go inside, the door closes, and the music resumes.
>It's pretty damn loud.
>If the walls in all the rooms weren't soundproof, everyone would've heard this for sure.
>And even then, there has to be some kind of magic in play here, because soundproof walls aren't really that soundproof.
>"Come on, Anon, loosen up a bit!"
>A mare hoofs over a red plastic cup to you.
>The notorious symbol of partying.
>...Well, ONE drink won't hurt.
>You were never a drinker much, anyways.
>Before you became the healthiest person in your entire dorm, you were usually brought along to be the designated driver.
>But you never knew that until you tried getting a simple drink.
>...Dicks.
>You take a small sip.
>...Wait.
>You take another.
>...This is apple juice.
>You down the whole thing.
>It's fucking apple juice.

>Despite not being a big drinker, you knew what real alcohol tasted like.
>But that was only when your mom left for some cat-related thing and had you take care of the little fuckers.
>You remember even waking up to see that instead of giving them water, you just pissed in their bowl.
>Of course, it was easy to mistake it as a toilet, though, because of how fucking enormous it is.
>Just this huge, white bowl.
>But that was that day you decided to drink your sorrows away in the backyard, instead.
>...Until the neighbors complained about your singing, of course.
>Which was obviously too good for them.
>...Dicks.
>"Woah, Anon! You sure can DRINK!"
>That purple mare from earlier stumbles toward you.
>The one with all the booze stashed in her room.
>She brushes herself against your legs and smiles.
>"Y-you know, we should like, toootally hang out shometine!"
"...You're not actually like this because of the drinks here, are you?"
>She scoffs.
>"What kind of a lightweight do you think I AM? I always carry the GOOD shtuff with me!"
>She pulls a small bottle out of her mane and swishes it around in front of you before taking a swig.
>"Yup-yup-yup, that's the REAL stuff, alright..."
>She hoofs the bottle over to you.
>"Wanna, wanna try shome?"
>You shrug and grab what looks like a vodka bottle.
>You take a small sip.
>...It just tastes like lime water.
"...Does this even HAVE anything in it?"
>She nods.
>"Shome of the shtrongest shtuff you can get!"
>You flip the bottle over and scan it.
>One percent of alcohol by volume.
>...ONE.
>Jesus, you wonder how delicate the livers on these little ones are.
>You could be crowned a damn champion for chugging a simple beer if this pony is really serious right now.
>You take another quick sip.
>You kinda swish it around for a bit.
>Nothing.
>Definitely no burn in your throat.
>Corner store mouthwash probably has more alcohol than this.
>Makes you wonder how that wine Ary had would've tasted, then.
>Practically grape juice.

"...How did you get drunk on this?"
>"Like, HALF the bottle! I'm a reeeaaally experienced drinker."
>You just nod.
>The thought of drinking contests with some of these ponies is great, but you don't believe they'd be able to take defeat very well.
>Or more than three drops of alcohol.
>Another mare stumbles over and hugs your legs.
"Uh, hi-"
>"-CUDDLE PILE!"
>Before you can say anything, a Pegasus flies and hugs your chest into the ground, and you watch all these mares run over to you like a pack of feral ghouls.
>...Damn, you miss games.
>They just latch onto whatever they can, hugging mercilessly.
>You can barely move.
>So you just take to watching them all cuddle you AND each other drunkenly.
>They're all giggling and slurring like a bunch of hicks.
>The Pegasus on your chest just boops your nose with a hoof and snickers, before going back to hugging you.
>Another one coos and rubs her face on your arm.
>"You're soo strong, Anon..."
>"Can you pet me?"
>"Oooh, me too!"
>"Me three!"
>"SCRATCH BEHIND MY EARS!-"
"Woah, woah, calm down! There's only one of me, you know."
>They all pause.
>Then turn to each other.
>One mare's hoof shoots up.
>"I call dibs on him!"
>"-What?! You can't do that!"
>"Tooo late, already did! He's MY special somepony, now!"
>"You can't just call dibs on him!"
>"Oh, yeah?"
>-Oh shit, you can tell where this is going.
"Girls, calm down!"
>They continue arguing.
"-I don't like mares that fight with each other!!"
>They stop and turn to you.
>Now you got 'em.
"THANK you."
>They just all stare at you.
"Now, look, I think every single one of you is absolutely adorable, that much is very true."
>They all smile and blush a bit.
"But... you should all know that my heart belongs to Aryanne."
>Their ears fall.
>And though the music is still playing, things are very silent.
"Though, ear scratching and hugs aren't off the table."
>They all perk up again.
"Just, no more fighting, alright?"
>The two mares nod, then hug each other.

>Jesus, these mares are just too cute.
>And so forgiving.
>You'd never be able to just shrug something like that off.
>"So wait... we can still hug you?"
>You simply nod.
>"...Okay!"
>All the ponies resume hugging you.
>They latch around like some kind of armor.
"I should PROBABLY go back to clearing the rooms, though."
>"Aww, do you HAVE to?"
>You nod.
"It is my job, after all."
>They all get off of you.
>Some groan, and some sigh.
>You stand up and head for the door.
>"Bye, Anonymous!"
>You wave at them all, then casually walk outside.
>Well, that was fucking weird.
>At least they have alcohol, though.
>However weak it may be.
>If that vodka the pony had really was one of the strongest drinks available, you'd probably drown in that shit before getting drunk off of it.
>But, now you can let your inner Russian take over.
>Then, you can have many drinkings of vodka.
>You smile and walk on over to the next room.
>Of course though, the doors are all still closed.
>You're being way too fucking slow about this.
>You open the door, and take a-
>"-NO ANON STOP!!"
>You pause and look up.
>Tan coat, pink mane.
>-Also, everything in the fucking room is covered in plastic wrapping.
>Except for you and her, of course.
>"Take off your shoes and put them in the corner! I don't want you to dirty the carpet!"
>...The carpet's covered in plastic, though.
>You mentally shrug and take the shit off.
>Once you start walking, you immediately hate how squeaky this shit is.
>It's like, cartoonish-ly squeaky.
>You walk over to the bathroom and open it.
>...Alright, how the fuck does toothpaste or a shower head work with plastic covering all of it?
>You shrug again and move over to the closet.
>All the jumpsuits look like they've been laminated.
>From behind you, there's a soft hissing noise.
>You quickly turn around and get a faceful of spray.
>You don't know what it was, but your eyes are on fire now.
"GAH SHIT, MY EYES!!"

>"STAY STILL, ANON! LET ME FINISH DISINFECTING YOU!!"
"NO! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"
>"YOU'RE COVERED IN GERMS!!"
>You stumble backwards into the closet and knock the thirty-some jumpsuits hanging up there.
>"ANON! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"
"I CAN'T FUCKING SEE!"
>You rub your eyes frantically and try standing up.
"I NEED SOME WATER!"
>"-NOT UNTIL I STERILIZE YOU!!"
>You stumble out of the closet and squeak your way over to the bathroom.
>"ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
>You just hop into the tub and flip the shower on.
>"STOP IT, ANON!"
>The mare tackles you onto the floor of the bathtub, and the plastic covering the shower head flies off, letting out a huge stream of water.
>All over the mare on top of you.
>She just freezes and gasps.
>You try grabbing as much of the water as you can, just shoveling that shit into your eyes.
>You feel better almost immediately.
>After a few blinks, you're face to face with the pony, just staring forward with a slack-jawed expression.
"...Uh, are you okay?"
>Her eyes trail over to yours.
>She just says nothing.
>...It's getting pretty unnerving.
>Very quickly.
>Then, the minute you're about to ask what was wrong with her, she bites down on your uniform shirt and rips it off.
>"THE DEED'S DONE, ANON! IF WE'RE GETTING DIRTY, WE'RE GETTING DIRTY!"
>Wait, what.
>She moves down towards your-
"-BAD TOUCH! STRANGER DANGER!"
>You flop out of the tub, now fucking completely drenched.
>The pony hops out and tries using magic to pull you back.
>"COME ON ANON, DO IT!"
"HELL NAW!"
>You jump out of the bathroom and slam the door closed.
>"COME BACK HERE!"
>You get the hell out of that room and run into the next one.
>You shut and lock the door, then slide down onto the floor.
>You tense up when you hear the door next to you slam open.
>There's some silence.
>"...I'll find you, Anon, and I will do you..."
>Then the door clicks shut.
>You instantly sigh.
>Then realize that your shirt is torn, and you're fucking soaked in water.

>You look up.
>The room's empty, for some reason.
>And you know that this is the next room.
>You slowly stand up.
"Uh, hello? Anyone here?"
>No response.
>You walk over to the bathroom and open it up.
>Clear.
>Clos-
>-Why, hello, there.
>On the bed, nice and neatly folded, is a suit, a white shirt, a blue tie, and some nice black slacks.
>Pretty much your old attire, with the now-blue tie.
>And it's got a note on it.
>'For you, Anonymous. XOXO~'
>...Huh.
>You look around yourself again.
>Nobody.
>You run your fingers over the material of the suit
>It's really fucking soft.
>You can't even identify it.
>You look down at your uniform shirt again, all torn and fucked up.
>You can't go out like this.
>You eye the suit.
>...It seems kind of messed up to accept a gift of someone you don't even know...
>But hell, you're soaking wet, so fuck it.
>You don't even bother unbuttoning the uniform, and just slip it off from the biggest fucking hole it had.
>Next up is your shoes, socks, and slacks.
>You check the door again and its lock, then back to the clothes.
>Your boxers are pretty fuckin' soaked, too.
>You figure you'll just go commando for a moment.
>Just until you find a way to dry all this shit.
>You grab the waistband with your hands and-
>"-Y-yeah, take it off."
>You pause.
>...Where the fuck did that come from?
>You look around yourself again.
>No holes, no abnormalities...
>Maybe it's just your imagination fucking with you.
>You take a moment before just continuing.
>You start pullin-
>"Ooh~"
>You pause again.
"Who's here?!"
>It gets silent again.

>You take another look at your surroundings.
>You really don't spot anything out of the ordinary.
>And ponies aren't great at hiding very we-
>-That painting is blushing.
>You're pretty sure it wasn't like that, earlier.
>You walk up to it.
>It, like most paintings, doesn't move.
>You boop the painted pony's nose.
>...Nothing happens.
>...Oh.
>Well okay, then.
>You turn around and see a blue tie with eyes staring into yours.
"-AAH, FUCKING SHIT!!"
>You fall on your ass, and a quick poof later, you're seeing a blue unicorn with a yellow mane, looking down at you.
>"Uh, h-hi, Anon! ...I-I swear I wasn't spying on you! Honest!"
>You calm down, stand up, and put your hands on your hips like a strong, independent black woman.
"Really, now? So then what WERE you doing?"
>You can see her eyes continuously snapping to your boxers, then back to you.
>"I-I-uh-I-"
>Her horn lights up, and she magically ends up a few feet away, running towards the door.
>She smashes face first into it and falls over.
>Wait.
>...Did that pony TELEPORT?
>That's badass.
>"..."
>...Oh, right.
>You should probably help her out.
>You walk and gently pick her up.
>She holds her muzzle and is silently crying.
>You instinctively cradle her in your arms and pet her.
>Then you remember you're practically naked while doing so.
>...Meh, it's only practically.
>She stops and looks up at you with those huge orange eyes of hers.
"Are you alright?"
>She wipes her tears with a hoof, then smiles.
>"I-I am, now..."
>Your heart instantly warns you that he's ready to attack.
>Jesus, and you just finished having it magically healed by Princess Twilight.
>Fucking ponies.
>No wonder why you're the only human here.
>Obviously everybody else that came here didn't have a strong enough heart to survive the first encounter.
>God knows you almost didn't.
>While you're busy trying to control your heart, the pony pecks your cheek, then covers her face with her hooves.
>"S-sorry!"

>You just look at her.
"You and I both know you aren't sorry."
>She sheepishly smiles, then hides behind her hair.
"...Is that suit actually for me, though?"
>She beams and stops blushing almost instantly.
>"Oh, of course! I had found part of your suit -took some measurements while you slept- restructured it-"
"-Wait, what-"
>"-With a new, softer, lighter fabric, and hoofstitched it all together, just for you!"
"-What was that about taking my measurements while I slept-"
>"-Oh, and consider it a gift, free of charge! Although, a form of, 'payment' would be VERY... appreciated~"
>Her tail brushes across your face.
>She snuck into your room.
>While you slept.
>...You need to start locking your fucking doors.
>Seriously.
>Still though, you got a free suit out if it, so there's not much to complain about.
>...MUCH.
"Sorry, but I'm off the table for lewd stuff."
>She pouts.
>"...C-can you at least scratch my ears, then?"
>...Why the fuck is that such a big thing with ponies?
>You nod regardless, and start on her left ear.
>Her blush comes back full force, and her eyes roll back in a second.
>"Hoo-ooh, thaaat's iiiit..."
>One of her hind legs kicks.
>It's so adorable.
>...But it also makes you wonder what you're really doing here...
>Hell, for all you know, ponies reproduce from belly rubs.
>...Nah.
>That's retarded.
>Her tongue lolls out of her mouth.
>...Lolls...
>That's such a stupid word, isn't it?
>Like, one 'l' away from sounding like a twelve year old posting 'may-mays'.
>You fucking hated when your mom found the internet.
>'Hey Anon, why you no throw out the trash?'
>...You miss your mom.
>However crazy and lonely she was.
>A moan from the pony brings you back to Earth.
>-Well, not Earth.
>You can feel some kind of thick liquid drizzling down your left arm.
>The arm right beside her rump-
>-SWEET SATAN!
>You set her down and just furiously rub that shit on your boxers.
"H-HOW?!"
>Her blushing intensifies.
>"W-what?"
"How do you get aroused from THAT?!"

>You look down at yourself.
>And your plain green boxers.
>Oh, right.
>That's how.
>"I-I couldn't control myself! Just, y-your hands, a-and your big, strong arms..."
>She starts staring off into space.
>She catches herself before drooling and blushes.
>"S-sorry!"
>You just nod.
>Well, your boxers seem a little drier now anyways.
>Guess you can slip into the suit now.
>You look over at the uniform, all wet and torn.
>Guess you SHOULD slip into the suit.
>You just walk over and grab the slacks.
>"W-w-wait! You're not going to take those off n-now?"
>You shake her head.
"Can't get what you can't pay for."
>She hops over to you.
>"-Y-you want bits?! I got bits!"
>She shoves a bunch of coins in front of your face.
"...That was a joke. I'm no prostitute."
>She pouts.
>Damn, imagine how great being a prostitute here would be, though?
>Sounds like a pretty nice deal, honestly.
>-Not that you'd ever do that shit, but shit, that shit sounds like good shit.
"Though, this suit is probably better than the one I paid thousands of dollars for, so, if you ever think of any way for me to repay yo-"
>"-TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF-"
"-that isn't lewd, I'll happily oblige."
>[Frustrated horse noises]
"...Besides, I'm sure everyone in this damn prison got a good look at me when my pants were taken off the first day."
>Her blush intensifies.
>...Wait.
>You look at the unicorn before you.
>The BLUE unicorn.
>With BLUE magic.
>You vividly remember a blue glow when...
"-YOU PULLED MY PANTS DOWN THAT DAY, DIDN'T YOU?!"
>"-W-WHAT?! N-NO, OF COURSE NOT!"
>You put on a disappointed look.
>It's super effective!
>"...O-okay, yes! It was me! I-I just, y-you're so... BIG!"
>You just stare at her in disbelief.
>"Y-yeah, I'll stop talking now..."
>You blink, then simply resume putting everything on.
>It slips on perfectly, and in just a minute, you're fitted with everything.
"So, yes, repayment whenever. You're cleared."
>You start to walk out, then stop.
>You grab the uniform and leave.

>You look at the long line of doors still waiting before you.
>You sigh.
>Never in your life did you think you'd ever get tired of being loved by so many.
>But then again, you never thought you'd ever BE loved by anyone besides your mom.
>...Fucking cats.
>You sigh again.
>Well... next pony.
>You slowly open the door and walk in.
>This mare's just lying on her bed, reading a book.
>And it's thankfully not a book on how to kidnap you.
>She barely glances your way.
>"Took you long enough."
>...Wow. 
>This pony, so far, actually DOESN'T seem crazy!
>Even though she seems pissed off at you, this is nothing but a pleasant surprise.
"Yeah, sorry. Run into more than a few roadblocks today."
>"Mhmm."
>...She barely even acknowledges your existence...
>...Great!
>You open the bathroom door and look insi-
>-WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
>...It's some green pod-thing.
>Looks like some shit you'd see in Alien.
>And there's a pony in it.
>You sigh.
>Of course you wouldn't get a break.
>You quickly turn around and jump.
>You didn't even hear the pony move behind you.
>She just smiles at you.
>"You REALLY shouldn't have looked there..."
>She punches you in the face.
>You instantly clutch your face and lean against the wall.
"-GAH! FUCKING SHIT! AH, MOTHERFUCKER!"
>She blinks.
>"That... that usually knocks most ponies out..."
>GOD, HOOVES FUCKING HURT.
>That shit was like having a fucking CINDER BLOCK thrown at you.
>"L-let's try this again."
>Before you can react, you get a hoof.
>...Thrown right into your man berries.
>You instantly fall on your knees and wheeze.
"Sh-shiiiit..."
>"-Wow! Stallions ALWAYS pass out from that!"
>You start crying.
"I-I can't feel my balls!"
>Your voice is a lot higher pitched than it should be.

>"Well, guess we'll try the old fashion way, then."
>Her horn lights up, and you're covered in a green glow.
>-Though you're too busy clutching your nuts to really notice.
>You start feeling a bit woozy.
>"...Ngh, why are you so... BIG?! I can't... can't..."
>The glowing stops and leaves the mare panting.
>"J-jeez... I... should have... STAYED!"
>You roll over on your back and continue crying.
>Another faint, green glow covers you.
>All that's heard is some crackling and hissing, then the pony passes out on top of you.
>Then she bursts into green flames.
>Now on top of you is a black pony thing with huge holes in its limbs.
>It's got fly-looking wings and a jagged horn.
>You take a few manly breaths, then move the thing off of you.
>Then you steel yourself.
>...And your balls.
>You slowly sit up and start to stand.
>Jesus, you feel so dizzy.
>You wobble a bit and clutch the walls.
>You manage to stumble and fall into the bathroom.
>Jesus, you're just stuck between being really dizzy and tripping out horribly.
>Your vision's fucked, and you're unbalanced to all hell.
>You spot the pod thing with the pony in it.
>Pink mane and tail, just as the black bug thing was.
>...Is it some kind of shapeshifter or what?
>You see the pony open her eyes.
>"A-Anonymous? Anonymous!!"
>She starts struggling.
>"H-help me!"
>Then she suddenly stops.
>"-The Changeling!"
"Th... the what?"
>You start feeling yourself being pulled outside.
>You turn around and see your legs being pulled out by a green glow.
>The thing just glares at you.
>"I... am... NOT starving to death here!!"
>You gasp and grab onto the toilet.
>...And you don't feel anymore tugging.
>Like, at all.
>You turn back and look at the thing.
>It's panting again.
>Your slacks are pulled.
>...Barely.
>It's like a small tug you get when someone wants your attention.
>It doesn't do anything.

>The thing growls and tries to drag you with its magic again.
>Its horn just crackles and fizzes in response.
>...But nothing happens.
>It snarls and growls at you.
>Then its expression slowly softens into one of despair.
>It stares right through you, then slowly sits on its haunches.
>It glances at the ground, obviously distracted.
>You don't bother questioning the why, and jump into action.
>You shakily stand and wobble over to the green pod thing holding the pony.
>You try kicking it, but miss horribly and trip into it instead.
>Your face cracks it open, and the pony jumps out.
>The second you manage to stand, she immediately grabs your hand and starts pulling you.
>You struggle trying to keep your balance
>"-Come on, Anon! Let's get out of here and tell the warden!"
>You hug the wall and wave your hand.
"Ugh, give me a minute. Just go on without me; I'll deal with this."
>"W-what?! N-no! I can't just leave you here!"
"...I'm twice your size. I'm sure I'll be alright."
>...That's probably a lie.
>You just need to sit the fuck down for a moment.
>She glances at you for a second, then just darts past the black thing and out the door.
>You glance at the thing.
>The 'Changeling'.
>It barely acknowledges you there.
>Is it...
>Crying?
>The sight leaves you a little confused, but you know what you're seeing.
>-Though it's pretty damn blurry.
>You catch yourself slowly sliding off the wall and take a deep breath.
>Your mind is just telling you to get the fuck out of there...
>But your conscious...
>You glance at it again.
>It sees you looking at it.
>It starts shaking, and cowers under its hooves.
>"J-just make it q-quick... p-please..."
>The words take a moment to register in your mind.
"W-what? I'm not going to hurt you."
>And even if you wanted to hurt it, you'd probably just hurt yourself more on the way there.

>It slowly moves its hooves away and looks at you.
>"...Y-you're not?"
>You shake your head.
"A few retarded kids and a headache isn't worth a life in my book."
>Though, this thing should be glad it's not a cat.
>You try to steadily walk over to it.
>It's still hostile in your book, and if it sees that you're weak it'll...
>Do something.
>Something bad.
>...Probably.
>You slowly take a knee and look at it.
>It's shaking like crazy.
>"I-I was just h-hungry, a-and-"
"-Well, what do you eat? We have plenty of food, here."
>Unless it eats ponies.
>...Oh shit.
>DOES it eat ponies?!
>-Calm face.
>...Okay, good...
>"Feelings... love is the most filling... I-I thought if I-"
"-Wait, feelings?"
>What the hell is this, some kind of sadistic cougar-shapeshifter-pony?
>It nods.
>"I-I left the hive to try to-"
"-Wait, hive?"
>You're trying your damnedest to understand what the fuck this thing is.
>And how horrible you're feeling is not helping.
>A shapeshifting bug thing that feeds on emotions and lives in a hive.
>...What the fuck.
>It nods again.
>"I-I just wanted to eat. O-our hive's been starving for months, and I thought I-I'd be able to do better on my own..."
>It stares at the ground.
"And you eat... feelings."
>It nods again.
>Well if confusion is a fucking feeling, you're sure you'll be able to feed the shit out of it.
"So then, what's with the weird pony pods and shapeshifting and shit?"
>It takes a deep breath.
>"The only way to feed is if the feeling's being directed to us... So we change into a pony who's loved and feed off it."
>It seems almost... proud, to explain that to you.
"That's... pretty fucked up, honestly."
>It nods.
>"I-I can taste your opinion."
>...That's fucking creepy.
>You scan the thing again.
>Though still blurry and shit, you can easily notice how thin this Changeling thing is.
"Have you ever tried just, getting love by yourself, instead of stealing it?"
>It shakes its head.
>"It's not possible. W-we're hated by everypony."

"Well no shit, you steal people's feelings; but things won't change unless you make them change."
>"H-how?"
>You sigh and slowly stand up.
"...Well hell, I'm not a very lovable guy, but I'm sure I could give you a few poi-"
>"-You're the most loved creature I've ever seen in my whole life, second to the Princesses of Equestria."
>You pause.
"...No way. How can you even tell that?"
>"...I'm feeding off your leftover love right now. I-it's a lot."
>You just reply with a blank stare.
"...Wow. That's really fucking weird. I wish you hadn't told me that."
>It slowly shrugs.
>"I have to eat, s-somehow..."
>You shake your thoughts away.
"Well, then, creepy shit aside, yes, stick with me, and I'm sure I could help you out somehow. Or you can just leave... I don't know how to deal with bodysnatching-emotion-eaters very well."
>It nods, then slowly stands up.
>It looks up at you with those huge blue orb-eye-things and softly smiles.
>"Th...thank you..."
>You smile and nod.
"Anytim-"
>-Holy fucking shit you just noticed its fangs.
>"...I-I can taste... fear?"
>You jump.
>"-Surprise..."
>-Sweet Jesus, this thing is freaky cool.
>...Though, maybe a bit more freaky than anythin-
>-"It's in this room!!"
>"And Anon's here?!"
>Before you can even leave the bathroom, you see the pony from earlier and Aryanne standing at the doorway.
>Ary looks at your new Changeling pupil and gasps.
>"ANON! GET BACK!"
>She digs into one of her boots with her muzzle and yanks out-
>-HOLY SHIT A KNIFE?!
>Even the pony beside her freaks out.
>Your arms instantly shoot up defensively.
"Woah, woah, woah, friendly fire, friendly fire! The Changeling's cool!"
>She moves the blade to a side of her mouth and looks at you.
>"W-what?! Anon, that's a CHANGELING!"
>"Y-yeah, that thing trapped me!"
>She keeps eyeing Ary's weapon.
"It was just- it's desperate, and starving! Look at it!"
>You point at the Changeling clinging to your side, shaking very slightly.
>"I-it DESERVES to, for what it did to me!"

"Nothing DESERVES to starve to death!"
>-Except for cats.
>You instinctively pick the Changeling up into your arms and stumble a bit.
>Ary sheathes the blade and steps forward a bit.
>"Anon... Changelings are VERY dangerous creatures... I just... I don't want you to get hurt..."
>You rewind to all the times you've fallen on your face today.
>...A bit too late for that, you think.
>But the sentiment is nice.
"Pft, I'm used to pain by now. Anything this one here could do, probably wouldn't faze me."
>-God, that's such a fucking lie.
>You're surprised there's no hoofmark on your goddamn face, and you've lost all feeling in your groin.
>Ary just stares at you and the Changeling in your arms for a moment.
>"...I don't like the thought of a Changeling being in my prison... but if you'll keep an eye on it... I guess it would be fine..."
>You feel like a kid just given permission by his parents to keep a dog.
>You smile.
>The pony just gasps.
>"W-WHAT?! S-SERIOUSLY?!"
>Ary simply nods.
>"Simply put, I trust in Anon... He's never really given me a reason not to..."
>She glances at you at the second part.
>You smile.
>Then a thought comes to mind.
>...Why are you so persistent on saving this thing?
>It literally DID just finish beating your shit up and tried to take over a pony's body.
>Of course, the idea of not wanting to hurt something was there, but...
>...Hmm.
>You can't think of anything.
>You just feel some kind of connection here.
>-No lovey stuff, but a kind of... understanding.
>It's a weird feeling.
>Though, it might just be the feeling of your OWN feelings being sucked and eaten by the Changeling.
>The pony huffs and storms out.
>The Changeling just weakly hugs you.
>It's like having a friendly leech on you.
>Ary grins, but you can see a hint of caution in her expression.
>And jealousy.