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>"He was unconscious when I found him."
>It's evening
>The story begins in an alley.
>Something precious has been lost.
>A reunion takes place.
>It's a story about loneliness.

---
Workin on this while I try and write Two Birds
---

"He was unconscious when I found him."
>You are Twilight Sparkle, and you have a mystery on your hands.
>You were out for an evening walk, mostly due to how tired you were of the colts laughing about your... somewhat generous rear end.
>Being a librarian and the student of the Princess herself was stressful, after all, and sometimes hayburgers helped calm you down.
>Through sheer chance, you happened to glance down an alleyway as you walked past it, and you saw something - or somepony - slumped against the dirty brick wall of one of the buildings.
>Confusion turned to horror and panic when you realized that it was your human friend, Anon.
>And here you are, in Fluttershy's cabin, being interrogated by your friends and watching as Fluttershy dabs a cool, damp cloth onto Anon's forehead.
>Rarity, ever the would-be detective, furrows her brow in confusion.
>"Was anything stolen from him, darling? Perhaps this was a robbery."
>Before you can answer, Rarity trots over to Anon and, with a glow of her horn, rifles through his pockets.
"Careful, now."
>"I'm being gentle, Twilight. The poor dear has gone through enough trauma for tonight."
>Rarity pulls out the contents of Anon's pockets.
>Wallet
>Keys
>A few spare bits
>"...nothing valuable has been taken."
>You let out a hum of displeasure and walk over so that you can see for yourself.
>There are cards in there - useless in Equestria, which doesn't have the technology to use them - some scraps of paper, and a photo of him and-
"...wait."
>The photo is missing.
>"What is it, darling? Did you find something?"
"That's the thing, Rarity; I DIDN'T find something. Anon had his picture taken with one of Applejack's cousins, the last time there was a family reunion. He said he kept it in his wallet because it was the only photo of her that he had. It's missing."
>"So, no valuables were stolen except for an old photo?"
>You shrug.
"Looks like it. Why would somepony steal a photo of Anon and some mare?"
>"I have no idea."

---

>"Twilight, why isn't he waking up yet?"
>You turn to Applejack, who's peering down at Anon with clear worry on her face.
>Anon had been working on her farm for a few months, now, and it was clear that most ponies living on the farm saw him as one of the Apple clan.
>In lieu of an answer, you light up your horn for a quick scan on his brain.
>It's the sort of thing they use at the hospital, but you're a bit limited in that you're not a doctor.
>...yet.
"It looks like... wow."
>That's neat.
"Anon's physiology has started to adapt and make use of the ambient magic in the air. From what I can tell, his brain has 'turned off' so that it can use that magic to repair itself."
>Applejack stares at you, blank-faced and not understanding.
"...he's sleeping while his body repairs the damage. It'll get better results than if his body was just healing itself the regular way, but it takes longer."
>"...Oh."
>Applejack dabs Anon's head, running her hoof through his hoo-man mane.
>"Poor feller took a real blow to the head. Only an earth pony could have struck'im this hard."
>You nod, trying to ignore the pit in your stomach.
>What you DIDN'T tell Applejack was that a creature without any magic didn't just... survive when an earth pony kicks it in the head.
>Anon was damn lucky that his body started to work with all the magic surrounding him; you aren't sure the brain damage would have been reversible if it didn't have magic assisting the repair process.
>While you stew in your thoughts, Rarity walks up to you and pats Anon on the sleeve.
"He'll be okay, Rarity," you reassure your friend, "Anon just needs a few days of rest."
>>"Oh, I'm not worried about that, Twilight," replies Rarity, "Anon's a strong colt. I'm more concerned about the state of his clothing! Oh, there are rips and tears everywhere! There's dust and mud, and I don't even know how I'm going to-"
>You begin to tune out Rarity's voice.
>What's next?
>Going to the ponice?
>...no.
>You're the Princess of Friendship; you ARE the ponice.
>That means... it's up to you and your friends to solve this mystery!
>And you get to write a friendship report to Celestia!
>You're almost GLAD that Anon got assaulted!
"So, girls," you announce, getting your friend's attention, "It looks like the first thing we should do is try and find the mare who was in Anon's photograph."
>Rainbow Dash scoffs.
>>>"That's impossible, Twilight. We don't have the photo, so how can we-"
>"Y'all mean Babs?" interrupts Applejack.
>You all turn to look at her.
>How did she...?
>Applejack just stares at you all like you're a bunch of idiots.
>"Everypony in the Apple clan knows 'bout Babs and Anon. Ain't no other ponies who'd waste as much time as they do on them new-fangled cameras."
>Rarity clears her throat.
>>"What did you mean when you said that everypony in your family knows about them? Was she..." Rarity looks around awkwardly. "Were they... intimate?"
>Applejack guffaws.
>"Heck, Rarity!" she giggles, "Anon ain't plowed nopony's fields, 'far as I can tell. And Babs, well..."
>It's Applejack's turn to look uncomfortable.
>"...It's not nearly as well known, but I think Babs is buckin' orange trees instead of apple trees."
>...
>What does that even mean?
>She prefers fruit other than what the Apples grow?
>That she likes fruit salad?
>That she's TOSSING someone's fruit salad?
>That she works on a different farm?
>You nearly jump with surprise when Pinkie Pie loudly gasps from her spot at the foot of Anon's bed.
>"Babs is making smiles with Uncle Orange?!"
>...
>Oh.
>THAT'S what that means.
>Babs Seed is just having... incestuous sex with her uncle.
>You pull a face.
"Ew."
>"No, no, no!" grumbles Applejack as she face-hoofs, "Get yer mind outta the gutter! Despite what y'all non-Apples seem to think, nopony in my family is bumpin' uglies with their brothers and sisters."
>Applejack doesn't look happy with any of you, but she glares at Pinkie Pie in particular.
>"What I meant was, I think she's, uh..."
>Applejack glances away uncomfortably.
>"...you know."
>No, Applejack.
>You DON'T know.
>>"We know... what?" asks Rarity.
>Applejack stomps her hoof in frustration.
>"Y'all know, though!"
>>>"No," growls Rainbow Dash impatiently, "We really don't! What's wrong with your cousin, Applejack?"
>Applejack's face is bright red, and she looks like she's about to burst.
>"...I mean that she's A DYKE!"
>Applejack shivers, a look of disgust on her face.
>"Most of us think Babs is prolly a filly-fooler, alright?! Ugh, why did I even bring this up..."
>An uncomfortable silence follows, and Rarity busies herself by examining Anon again; if only to have something to do while she waits for somepony to speak again.
>>"Wait a moment, darling. I think I see something clenched in his paw."
"...hand..." you clarify automatically as you trot over to Anon to get a closer look.
>Rarity grunts, but doesn't say anything.
"Are you sure?" you ask, squinting at Anon's hands, "I don't see anything."
>Rarity just nods.
>>"I make it my business to have an eye for colour, Twilight."
>Rarity's horn lights up and, with a burst of magic, Anon's previously-clenched fist gently opens up.
>A single lock of blue hair falls out, and Rarity snatches it up before it can flutter more than a few inches away.
>She brings it close to her face, where she squints and scrutinizes it.
>She even gives it a sniff.
>>"Mane hair," she declares after a moment, "I can smell the residue of a mare's conditioning on it."
"I guess the mare we're looking for has a blue mane."
>Applejack sniffs loudly and clears her throat, getting your attention.
>"We can just go to m'farm now an' talk to Babs, if you want. We can prolly get this done before breakfast time - easy as apple pie."
>You glance at the clock - it's nearly 11 pm.
>Looks like you have a pony to talk to.
---
>You are Twilight once more, and you are down at Sweet Apple Acres.
>It's still pretty late a night, and you are speaking to a very sleepy-looking Babs Seed.
>"Anon?" Babs asks, yawning, "Yeah, I know him. He's alright."
>Babs chuckles to herself and shakes her head, as though remembering something.
>"What did the big galoot do this time, eh? Did he get his head stuck in a tree again?"
"Well, h-"
>"Wait, don't tell me!" giggles Babs, "Anon tried to help those Cry-ba... uh, those Crusaders out gettin' their cutie marks, and he-"
"Anon was attacked last night."
>This takes the wind out of Babs' sails.
>With what sounds like a strangled gasp, the teenaged mare nearly falls over.
>"Wh-What?" she rasps, eyes wide, "What do ya mean, he was attacked? By who? Is he okay?!"
>You exchange a look with Applejack.
>Rarity won't meet your gaze; she had always been fond of Anon, and she was taking this rather hard.
>Babs grabs you by the withers and shakes you a bit.
>"Answer me!" she shouts, "Y'make it sound like he's DEAD!"
>You manage to wrangle yourself away from the upset mare.
"He's fine!"
>...
>Well, that's not true.
"He's... he's unconscious. Somepony got a shot at his head, and..."
>You feel your breath hitch.
>This is so much harder to put into words than you thought it would be.
"...and he won't wake up."
>Babs visibly collects herself.
>"Why... why are y'telling me this?"
>And here's the meat of the issue.
"We went through his pockets - we thought it might have been a robbery. But, nothing was taken. Nothing except for a photo he had with him: a photo of you an-"
>"-A picture of him an' me." she interrupts, " 'Lestia, I can't believe he kept it. Pictures ain't cheap, but 'Non saved up and bought this big dumb camera, just in time for the Apple family reunion."
>Babs wipes her face, and you pretend that you don't see a tear dampen the fur around her hoof.
>"Me an' him got on like a barn on fire. He laughed at my dumb jokes, and he said horseapples that made me giggle. He knew it was tough growin' up, and it was real easy to talk to him."
>She smiles up at Applejack, who adsfasdf

AWW fuck.  I usually end a line with gibberish if I don't know how to end it in that very moment, and I replace it with (you know) content before I post it when I figure out how to end it.  But god damn I forgot and I'm leaving this up as a testament to my sins.

>"I ain't the only one who got along with him - remember, Applejack? 'Non made his rounds with the rest of the family. Apple Fritter laughed so hard she nearly peed herself. Caramel apple had somepony who let her talk his ear off. Peachy Sweet got so mad - 'Non had a bit too much cider to drink and nabbed her hat, and she chased him-"
>Applejack interrupts.
>>"Chased him all 'round the farm. The two of'em wound up in one of the trees."
>"Did they really?"
>>"Yeah. I helped'em down, of course... once I stopped laughin'."
>Babs barks out something between a laugh and a sob, and visibly tries to collect herself again.
>"Anyway, the only Apple I know who didn't like him was Fiddly Twang."
>You look over at Applejack, who winces.
>>"Fiddly Twang is... a piece of work," she clarifies, choosing her words carefully, "She didn't have no trouble with Anon at first. But last year, somethin' changed overnight, and she seemed to hate him."
>Really?
>That's weird.
"Any idea what happened?"
>Applejack shakes her head
>>"No clue; Anon refused to talk about what happened, and Fiddly Twang looked like she was ready to bite the head offa anypony who approached her - all the way until she left back home with her cousin."
>Surely it couldn't be this simple.
"And is Fiddly Twang one of the mares who got here too early?"
>Applejack nods her head.
"...and what color is Fiddly Twang's mane?"
>>"It's blue."
"Oh."
>Welp.
>Looks like an open and shut case, to you.
"I think we have a criminal to speak to."
---
>You continue to be Twilight, and you have just woken up a VERY grumpy looking mare.
>"Anonymous?"
>Fiddly Twang adjusts her straw hat and shifts her hooves uncomfortably.
>She shorts and scrunches her snoot with distaste.
>"The big, tall, ugly monkey monster?"
>Ugh.
>You can already tell this is going to be a fun interview.
>You exchange a look with a rather unhappy-looking Rarity.
>>"You mean my friend, right?"
>Fiddly must not have heard the warning tone in Rarity's voice (or maybe she was just a little dim), because she continues speaking with disgust in her voice.
>"Ah 'member him. Tall and terrible as them thar wendigos y'hear about in legend. Fingers as long as that got-dang NOSE he sticks into decent ponies' business!"
>She glares over at you from under a fringe of blue mane.
>A very familiar shade of blue.
>The same shade of blue as the tuft clutched in Anon's hand.
>"Why d'ya ask?"
"...we'd like to ask you a few questions, miss Twang."
>She sighs unhappily and glances over her shoulder to the warm bed she just vacated.
>"Do Ah have to?"
>You flare your wings out.
"Do you see these wings?"
>You raise one up and tap your crown with a feather.
"Do you see this crown? YES, you have to!"
>Fiddly Twang blinks stupidly back at you, eyes widening and alert.
>She goes from your crown, to your wings, then to your crown again.
>Her entire frame slumps, and her ears slowly flop back against her skull.
>"Ah... prolly shouldn't've said none of that, huh."
>Frankly, you're glad she did.
>She practically confessed to the crime!
>Seems pretty open and shut to you.
"You hate Anon. I don't know for what reason, but you hate him."
>You prod her with a wing, and she winces, taking a half-step back.
"Maybe enough to want him dead?"
>Fiddly Twang jumps back like a scalded cat.
>"D-Dead?!" she blurts out, looking genuinely shocked, "No!"
"Why not? The easiest way to kill a pony - or non-pony - is a blow to the head. You could have broken an arm if you wanted to just injure him."
>"Ah didn't! Ah never 'ssaulted him!"
>Fiddly Twang is nearly in tears at this point.
>"Ah'm not a bad pony! Ah'm not s-some sorta dirty sinner! I'm a GOOD pony! A GOOD PONY!"
>You hear Applejack and Rarity take a step backwards at the volume of Fiddly Twang's outburst.
>Somewhere in the distance, you hear the clopping of hooves approaching; probably Applejack's family being woken up by Fiddly's shouting.
>Of course, you don't believe a single word of her story.
>Her story being "I didn't do it".
"Fiddly Twang, by the powers vested in me by ways of me being the Princess of Friendship, I am senten-"
>>>"Excuse me, Princess?"
>A mare trots over and puts herself in between you and Fiddly Twang before you can dispense sweet, sweet friendship.
>...is that the candy store owner?
>What the buck is the candy-mare doing here?
"Bon Bon? Bon Bon, this is a criminal investigation."
>Bon Bon rolls her eyes and shakes her head.
>>"This isn't a criminal investigation; this is a game of make-believe being played by a mare who's too old to be playing games like that."
>Hey.
>Rude.
>You flare your wings, feeling that barb hit closer to home than you thought it would.
"I'm a princess now, and-"
>The very RUDE candy-mare boops you right on the muzzle with a hoof, and opens her mouth to interrupt you again.
>AGAIN!
>>"You'll find that if you re-read Laws of Princesshood, page 34, paragraph 5, sub-section 3B-"
>She dips her muzzle into one of her saddle bag and pulls out a thick stack of paper, which she tosses on the ground in front of you.
>You recognize the royal seal immediately, and realize it's the real deal; it's magically impossible to emboss something that symbol without the Princess's direct approval.
>>"-it says that while your jurisdiction is the entirety of Ponyville, The Royal Sisters' sphere of power covers the entire country - which is where YOUR sphere of influence resides. I'm afraid that their authority supersedes your own."
"Uh..."
>Shoot.
>You remember studying magical law ten or so years ago, but it hadn't been relevant until... like, a week ago.
>Stupid wings.
>The cause of - and solution to - all of your life's most recent problems.
>>"I am Agent Sweetie Drops, and I report directly to Princess Celestia herself. I'm taking over this investigation."
---------------
And that's the end of part 1. Looks like we've got a mystery on our hands. Whoever bashed Anon over his head - probably Fiddly Twang - now has that photograph of him and Babs. Why, if a yandere mare were to look at that, I bet she'd think that she has competition. Sorry if it's a bit janky - I'm kind of hung over right now. Turns out I didn't stop at just two pepsi and vodkas.