>You are Anon.
>You're lying on your back, enjoying the post-picnic springtime weather with your two best friends, Twilight and Applejack.
>Twilight's got her head resting on your shoulder and your arm wrapped around her body and the two of you are watching the clouds go by.
>Applejack is sprawled out on your other side by your head.
>The tiny horse had wanted you to rest your head on her belly, but you were too heavy for her.
>You think she was more embarrassed than she was disappointed when it became clear that it wouldn't work out well for her.
>Twilight points her hoof towards a patch of whispy clouds, looking as though they were swept across the sky with a broom.
>"That one looks like a Cirrus cloud!"
>It sure does, Twilight.
>It sure does.
>You enjoy a brief moment of silence before Twilight spots another group of clouds floating into view.
>She points to a big, fluffy clump of clouds that are a bit lower to the ground than the last ones were.
>"And those ones look like Cumulus clouds!"
>Jesus Christ, Twilight.
>The mare tends to take the fun out of these "imagination" games.
>But then again, she seems to enjoy herself a lot when you and her do shit like this, so you're more than happy to let her play the way she wants to.
>God, you love spring.
>Not too hot.
>Not too cold.
>No mosquitos like there are in the summer.
>No hard ground and chilly puddles of water like the fall.
>You take in a deep breath through your nose, loving the smell of spring wildflowers.... and get an olfactory gland full of something foul.
>You sniff once more (gentler this time; no need to blind your nose with the stench) and discover that it's coming from Applejack.
>....it smells like piss.
>Did Applejack piss herself right next to you?
>She better not have.
>With Twilight distracted by identifying the clouds, you discreetly turn your head to see what Applejack's up to.
>You're met with a facefull of orange horse ass sitting on top of puddle on your fucking picnic blanket.
>This nasty bitch just pissed all over your stuff!
>You poke her rump with an index finger.
>Soft, plump, but backed by an almost obscene amount of muscle.
>In short: she has a tight ass.
"What the fuck, Applejack? Why did you pee on my blanket?"
>Applejack jumps a little bit at your poking and turns to face you.
>She's got a blush so bright that you can practically feel the heat from way over here.
>"O-oh, whoops."
>Whoops?
"Seriously?"
>You sit up and scootch away from Applejack, shoving Twilight away from you so that you don't accidentally sit on her.
>Applejack stands up and turns to face you, not looking at ALL sorry.
>She doesn't even look a little bit embarrassed.
>If anything, she looks turned on.
>Is this how she's going to drop a weird piss fetish on you?
>She's not going to buy you dinner and talk you to while you're relaxing together in bed?
>>"Oh, honey, can we try something different tonight?"
>Nothing like that; not from Applejack.
>This is probably her idea of subtlety.
>"Sorry, partner. Ah was..."
>She licks her lips and quivers slightly.
>"...thinkin' of something else."
>This IS how she's dropping her fetishes on you!
>Man, you are not prepared for this.

>Twilight, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be concerned at all that Applejack just peed all over you things.
>Doesn't she know how long it's going to take to get the smell of horse piss out of your blanket?
>Jesus, you aren't even sure you want to touch this thing now that it's tainted by AJ's idea of a good time.
>You know what? She probably doesn't know; you haven't seen a single mare take care of her own laundry since you arrived here in Equestria.
>These fucking ponies.
>The purple pony in question is pretty busy right now - sniffing the air and walking around in tight circles.
>Are they drunk?
>Are YOU drunk?
>Why are they DOING this?
>The sound of hooves on grass grabs your attention - that nice stallion from the clock shop has come to visit. You don't know his name, so you call him Doc Brown.
>He has no idea what fresh hell he's walking into.
>The poor, brave bastard.
"Hey, Doc! How's it been?"
>The brown stallion ignores you, not sparing a single glance as he marches resolutely towards Applejack.
"Doc?"
>CHOMP
>"Ahh~!"
>What the fuck?!
>Doc Brown gets one good bite on the back of Applejack's neck before you shove him off.
"What are you doing? Stop that!"
>First a horse pisses on your blanket, and now another one is biting your friend.
>Why are ponies such assholes today?!
>You kneel down and knee-walk over to your orange friend to check for damages.
>Her fur is coarse (but soft), but you don't have time to enjoy the sensation as you dig through her fur to see if that bite left her bleeding.
>"Ah-Anawn?" gasps Applejack, pushing her body against your hands.
>She's a lot stronger than she looks, and she nearly shoves you over and onto your back.
>"Puh-please... Mmmm~"
>What a little fucking weirdo.
>You do a quick check on Doc in case he decides to bite you next.
>Doc is on the ground, wriggling and kicking his hooves ineffectively.
>Aww.
>Serves him fucking right.
>You-
>Applejack extends her long, disturbing horse-neck under your arm and shoves her face into your armpit, wriggling around and just generally having a gay old time.
>Something clatters over around Twilight and you turn to face her, worried that something's going down with her too.
>Twilight's still spinning in circles, but now she's made a mess of her lunch.
>She's kicking over plates of food, and she's using her magic to topple over the picnic basket.
>What is her problem today?
>A sudden shove brings you back to the present - Doc Brown's face is less than 6 inches away from your own.
>Startled, you fall backwards and get a good look at what he's doing.
>His floppy horse dick is out of its sheath, and he's trying to line himself up with Applejack.
>No, sir.
>Not on YOUR picnic blanket.
>Not today!
>You stagger to your feet and give his face a firm smack.
"Hey, no! No! You get out of here!"
>Despite how weird the situation was, you still had a few expectations.
>Doc bursting into tears and running away was not one of them.
>Why the fuck did he just try and mount Applejack in the middle of your goddamn picnic?

"Twilight?"
>Twilight stops ruining your homemade lunch and looks up at her.
"You wanna tell me what's going on here?"
>Twilight stares at you with glazed-over eyes, responding with only by whipping her tail back and forth.
>Oh, no.
>The whatever-the-fuck got her first.
>You crawl over to Twilight and try to ignore Applejack pawing at you as you leave her side.
"Twilight."
>You grab your purple friend's face with both hands and force her to look you in the eye.
"What the actual fuck is happening here?"
>Again, you still had a couple of expectations.
>And again, Twilight shoving her lips onto yours was not one of them.
>Twilight has the element of surprise on her side and manages to shove her tongue in your mouth.
>She wraps a hoof around your neck when you try and pull away, deepening the kiss and moaning loudly.
>Jesus, she sounds like a bitch in hea-
>.....
>No fucking way.
>Twilight talked to you about this, but you thought she was fucking with you!
>What kind of sapient, intelligent species goes into heat?!
>You grab the forearm wrapped around your neck with both hands and slowly pull her off.
>....but you're promptly interrupted by Applejack shoving her face into your armpit again, knocking you to the ground.
>For fuck's sake; really?!


Epilogue:

>You are Time Turner.
>The human colt calls you "Doc Brown" and you have no idea why.
>You don't really want to raise a fuss, so you haven't bothered to correct him yet.
>He always struck you as a reasonable type, if a bit of a Janefilly.
>Not reasonable enough to SHARE, though.
>Estrus hit the local mares especially hard this year, and you were out shopping when the smell hit you.
>You'd been passing by Sweet Apple Acres and thought to yourself, "Timey Wimey? You're a pretty cute colt. You have a nice job, you're independent, and nopony thinks you're a slut. Why not see if you can't find yourself another nice mare for your herd this year?"
>And lo and behold, you found none other than Applejack and Twilight Sparkle just over the hill.
>Twilight was a bit "ehh" and could stand to lose a bit of weight.
>Some colts think that chubby mares are cute, but you aren't one of them.
>Applejack, though, was a different story entirely.
>You could cook a hayburger on those thighs of hers.
>You'd eat it right off her rump, too.
>No hooves, colt!
>Mmm!
>Anon didn't seem to be doing anything important, and you thought this might be a chance for you to one-up him.
>You know, show him who's the head bastard here!
>He tried to get rid of you, but you were going to show him why all the other colts didn't buck with you!
>After you got Applejack in your herd, you were going to spread the MEANEST rumours about him.
>He'd go down to the spa to get his hooves done and AALLLL the stallions would laugh at him behind his back.
>Oh, he'd be MISERABLE then.
>...but your plans changed when he smacked you.
>How could he?!
>That hurt!
>You were too afraid to try anything with Applejack after that.
>Anon made it clear that he was the dominant colt here, and you high-tailed it before he and his herd did anything more to you.
>You don't really know what you'll do the next time he sees you.
>Oh, you HATE when another colt outranks you.
>Now you can't say ANYTHING about him without him chasing you away from your herd!
>This is the worst.