Day 1
>You can't help but flex a little as you're stood by a mirror.
>Or a window.
>Or any reflective surface really.
>This time you're holding your Glock 17, tight dark grey t-shirt on, Bullet Proof vest on top, 'MLP' written on the front of it.
>You tense, admiring your biceps and forearms as you look at the van door window you're stood by.
>Chris Redfield aint got shit on you.
>You smile to yourself before getting your head in the game. You press a button on the pager like device on your belt, count to three under your breath, and then you kick next to the lock of the door in front of you.
"Hands in the air,  Mythical Legends Police!"
>Damn do you love this shit.
>Across from you and to the right, the other two doorways burst open.
>You take a split second to relish that your door looks to have gotten fucked up more than theirs.
>Glass shatters from above as more agents enter the place, coming down on ropes.
>Yeah it's cooler. But if you had done that you couldn't effectively shout.
>And you love shouting.
>There's a panic as the rows of seats are knocked over, buyers tripping over each other to try and escape.
>You crack one over the head with the bottom of your gun.
>Fun stuff.
>And it should help remind the rest that you're holding a fucking gun.
>Fat wealthy people aren't a problem though, it's the sellers.
>Two of them have to be shot as they get the bright idea to try and pull their own weapons while having a half dozen guns trained on them.
>As you pull the trigger you briefly wonder what to have for dinner tonight.
>The others promptly give up, and once you've made sure everyone's in one place, and unarmed, the arresting team comes in, different people being filed out and locked into different vans for processing.



>You walk towards the stage to take a look at the products.
>As you do, so does that woman you like.
>You don't want to date her or anything, you honestly prefer training, playing games, watching movies, and shitposting, but damn do she got a booty.
>Your eyes flicker to her great big juggs, looking for the nametag.
>"Christ, more of these multicoloured ponies."
"Mhm." You briefly answer, looking to the six mares in front of you.
>For about three quarters of the beings you have to deal with, it's impossible to tell what sex they are.
>It's easy with these things though, cute and girly looking.
>They're all huddled together, shivering and looking back and forth between you two, as well as behind to the two corpses being wheeled out.
>Looks like you have to do the awkward part of the job.
"I'm Anon, Captain of this squad. You're safe now, I promise. I've dealt with one of your cases before, and I know that you can understand me."
>You get down on one knee and hunch over a little to get more on their level, the ponies only three foot tall.
>And that's including their hair.
>Manes.
>Whatever.
>They still look scared, but not as much. Except the pale yellow and pink Pegasus. Fucking terrified.
>Honestly, it's easier dealing with the creatures, or more appropriately, monsters, that try ripping your face off.
>Just knock them the fuck out, they wake up in one of the zoo like facilities, done.



"I'm mostly here to deal with the bad guys, like the ones keeping you captive. Now I know about your homeland being destroyed, and I know you must be scared in this strange new world, but I promise, you'll be taken care of. There are many facilities around the world made for your protection. You'll be given the best of care. You have nothing to worry about, right Cassie?"
>You look to your side and up at her as she listens in to her earpiece for a moment, before responding.
>"They're going to be split up across the globe far away from each other and housed in isolation chambers, due to all of the facilities larger environment immitations now housing mostly predators, as well as cutbacks to their funding."
>"What?!" The bright pink one cries out, before they all huddle together, shivering more and weeping.
>Oh for fuck sakes.
>You turn back to the crying heap of ponies.
>They're sentient.
>And sapient.
>And female.
>And they're crying.
>You feel the invisible fedora atop your head tip towards them.
"I'll..."
>Don't do it.
"I'll take them in."
>"What?"
"I'll take them in. I live off of one of the bases. I can use my own money for their housing. And I have some pull with the higher ups."
>By that you mean the Directors gay twink son thinks 'You're a big slab of beef aren't you?'



>You have to have one of the suits by your side as they're the ones that do the transfers and paper work associated with this.
>You usually just write up a report saying 'Killed however many people, illegal goods safe'.
>"While we're all very appreciative of your goodwill, I assure you this isn't necessary." The white one with the purple mane and tail says to you as you fit a collar and leash around her neck.
"It's procedure, it's either this or a cage."
>She's lucky they're obviously intelligent, otherwise it would be a tazing and the cage.
>She's also obviously... Fancy. A little charm couldn't hurt.
"Don't worry, in human society this is high class fashion. I'm sure a lady like you can pull it off."
>You were hoping it would just make her more agreeable to the idea, now though she looks almost proud of it.
>You gently apply the collars and leashes to the others, fighting back the desire to tug on them like they were dogs.
"Alright, lets go."
>You walk out to your own van. Non descript, but decked out, blacked out windows, fast and powerful. You watch as they each hop on up into the back, and you tie their leashes onto a railing.
>Even though she has wings to assist her, the pale yellow one hops up and down, nervous and unsure if she can jump up.
>Like a puppy wanting to get on the couch.
>You crouch down, cradling her with an "Eep" sounding out from her.
>You place her in the van and tie her leash to the railing as well.
>The white and purple ones could probably untie them with magic. They can only just about leviate objects, being so far away from their destroyed magical homeland.
>But they probably wouldn't.
>And if they tried escaping you could just let out a few bursts of knockout gas in the back.
>You drive while the suit, the man in black, sits next to you.
>He stares straight forwards, not attempting any communication.
>Creepy things.
>You're not even sure what they are, but they're good at obeying orders and looking official.



>Once you're back at the compound, you walk the ponies to your accomadations.
>Getting a few looks on the way.
>So what if you're bringing six fantastical beings that most of the rest of the world is unaware of, are female, all six of them have human level intelligence, and sexual deviants are usually the ones trying to buy them?
>Jenkins has a Dodo in his office and no-one gives him shit.
>You ask the ponies their names to take your mind off the stares you're getting.
>Once 'home' you take their leashes off, and uncollar them, except for Rarity who insists she keeps it on before trotting away to explore your home with the others.
>You sit on the couch and warily watch the suit going over paper after paper from a briefcase you didn't even notice he had. After half an hour of constant writing, stamping, and ticking, he hands you a single sheet of paper, which you sign.
>He promptly files the stacks of papers away, stands, and walks to your front door.
>You open it for him and he steps out, and turns back, offering you a hand to shake.
>You stare at it for a few seconds, before wordlessly closing the door on him.
>You look through the peephole to see him standing there.
>Unblinking.
>Unmoving.
>Unbreathing.
>For two minutes.
>Before he turns and walks away.
>You swear you're gonna kill one of those things one day.
>You turn and go to find where the six ponies are.
>AppleJack and Dash are both trapped beneath a barbell, trying to lift it, while Rarity and Twilight both try and assist with their magic, Fluttershy weeps over the situation, and Pinkie stares into the business end of a thankfully unloaded shotgun, wondering what it is.
>You suspect you'll soon be in court for having an endangered species die under your watch.






Day 2
>You gasp and pant slightly.
>Dragging three incredibly thick and soft matresses into the house would be fine.
>Three incredibly thick matresses, six blankets and covers, and eight pillows would be fine.
>The six beanbag chairs for children, and the vanity mirror and desk, also fine.
>But dragging and carrying them all from the parking lot, down half a mile of sleek metal corridors to get to your 'home' inside the facility and making return trips was horrible.
>You place the three very thick soft matresses down into the spare room. These damn ponies will look like royalty sleeping on these things, absolutely giant in comparison. They could all fit on one, but would roll into each other through the night.
>You wanted to get two.
>They wanted three.
>So you got three.
>You put all the covers on, and throw the extra, extra blankets, and extra pillows down.
>They wanted that as well.
>You put down the desk and vanity mirror, a few feet away from the bathroom that's connected to the bedroom.
>You throw down all the beanbags into the living room, each one a different colour. Their colours.
>Finally.
>Now you just need to bring in the new giant fridge that can fit your six new roommates dietary needs.
>Fuck.
>At least it's worth it in the end.
>You get to see six cute pony faces beaming up at you from the floor as you sit on the couch, breathing hard.
>The purple one, Twilight smiles happily.
>"I don't think we really got it across to you before but... Thank you. Thank you so much for all of this. We know you're putting yourself through a lot of trouble to house us and keep us safe, together, and, and..."
>"Thank you!" Pinkie yells out, tackling you.
>Well, sort of tackling you.



>Theres a soft pomf sound as she pounces onto the couch and into your side, trying to hug all the way around your waist, nuzzling her face side to side.
>They all look a little teary eyed.
"Um, girls, really, it's okay... If I had ever stumbled into your strange pony lands I bet you'd help me out too."
>It's always weird dealing with something with human intelligence, that looks so vastly different to you.
>You remember the first time you had a philosophical debate with a longsword.
>You live a strange life.
>"So what do you do for fun?" Pinkie asks, sitting back, smiling up to you as you resist the notion to scratch behind her ears.
>They look like pets, they're very friendly and affectionate..... And they look like pets.
>You didn't like the feeling when a Frost Giant tried to take you home, pet you, hug you, and call you George.
>These guys probably wouldn't appreciate it either.
"Well uh, I usually work out about now, and you guys can't really uh, leave." You scratch the back of your head.
>You're basically a slave owner.
>Just a really really nice one.
"But I have tonnes of movies you've never seen before." 'That won't scar you for life.'
>One of the other things you did was hide away all the non family friendly DVDs you have.
>From what you've read, and experienced so far, their homeland was incredibly child friendly.
>Dash hovers close to you. "Sounds cool Anon, just make sure there's lots of fighting will ya?"
>She starts to perform some pony equivalent of karate while flapping her wings to keep in the air.
>From what you've read it also looks like they have to put in a lot more effort into flying, as Pegasi used the abundant magic in the air of their homeland to assist them and gain greater speeds.
>Some of them hop up onto the couch, others jumping back into their new beanbags.
>Pinkie starts grabbing and handing out snacks as you look for a movie to put on.
>Snow White and the Seven dwarves would do.
>And yes. You do own that.



>You also don't want to show them the latest and greatest CGI effects, and then work your way backwards.
>As the movie begins to play you head into the other room with a cool pint glass of water, getting ready to lift.
>.....

>Sweat runs down your forehead as you grunt, your feet trying to plant themselves through the floor as you lift, your core tensing.
>You love this feeling.
>The last few nigh impossible reps of the last set.
>Throughout your workout, you can hear the muffled Disney songs through the door.
>When you've finished, weights clanging back into place, you head out as quietly as you can, seeing the ponies watching the tv with absolute amazement, before you continue sneaking, going to shower.
>You towel yourself off, put on some different comfortable clothes before heading out and to the kitchen. By the time you've finished making yourself something to eat, the movie is just ending, and you turn to see the mares.
>They look happy, but are also a blubbering mess.
>The ones on beanbags have all migrated to the couch, all huddled together and comforting each other as the credits play.
>Rarity dabs her eyes with an embroidened handkerchief.
>Where the fuck did she get that?
>You walk over to them, into their line of sight.
"Girls... Are you alright?"
>"Th-that... Was THE most... Romatic thing I've, I've.... WAAAAA!"
>She bursts into tears, the others joining her.
>You roll your eyes and move to scoop them up in your arms, unsure what's taken over you.
>Fucking crying girls.
>One of them is light, but lifting all six while also not applying enough pressure to crush them is like holding two bags of cement.
>It becomes a lot easier as you turn to sit back on the couch, bringing them against your body as you hold them.



>Over time, their crying and shivering turns into light hiccups as your hands and fingers lightly stroke over their manes and their backs as you're surrounded by comfortable softness.
>Luckily they really don't mind being treated like pets.
>They're soon moving closer into you for warmth, while also trying to move back against your petting hands.
>Silly ponies.
>"Ahve said it before and Ah'll say it again, fingers are amazin."
>You move your hand to just under the rim of Applejacks hat, scratching behind her ears.
>She almost melts.
>After a short while more of holding them, but less petting and scratches, they're now very comfortable and relaxed.
>Rarity looks up at you. "So Anon, are you our Prince Charming?" She giggles, as do the others.
>You notice the collar she's wearing now has the pattern of her Cutiemark stitched in.
"Oh yeah, a regular Prince Charming, that's me." You let them each hop off of you, allowing you to finally eat your post workout meal.
>You can see that they're starting to look ever so slightly tired.
>They're really a lot like children.
"Alright girls, feel free to... Do whatever. I need to leave in a while..." You don't elaborate as you stand, putting the DVD back in its case and going into your bedroom, changing into something more formal.
>As you're readying to leave you see each of the mares has a cup of warm milk to drink.
>Seriously, just like children.
>"So where are you going Anon?" Dash asks.
"Ah.. Well as you already know this isn't the usual thing for Agents, especially Captains to do. I need to meet with some of the more influential people in order to sway them over, let them know I've got this handled as well as to give them any reports I need to."
>And by that you mean you have to go on a date with the Directors gay twink son.
>You open the front door and leave.






Day 3
>You unlock, open, and step through your front door.
>Pink glossy kiss marks are left on your neck, face, and lips, and your shirt is buttoned up all wrong.
>You're not sure how to feel about this.
>The Directors son has certainly... Changed.... Since last you saw him.
>At least you've secured the ponies chances at staying here.
>You close the door behind you, locking it again.
>It's 2AM.
>You quietly creep to the second bedroom, opening the door a crack.
>They have a teddy bear nightlight plugged into the wall, illuminating the room enough for you to see them, all six in bed.
>The three huge mattresses are all pushed together, covers over them, the six ponies splayed out on top, with blankets on top of them.
>You daaw internally at the sight of ears twitching, and a few hooves sticking out, wiggling.
>You quietly close the door before going to wash up and go to sleep yourself.
>You have one more day to help them settle, as much as they can be when currently their entire world is supposed to just be your home.
>And then you'll be on the clock again.
>Sent out on a moments notice.
>On top of all the neccesities they need you're also going to have to buy them some luxuries, games maybe, anything to keep them from being bored as hell.
>You have no idea how long this arrangement may last.
>So you put it out of your mind.
>Strip.
>And flop into bed, pulling the covers over you.



>"Wakey wakey eggs and horrible murder that I'm super uncomfortable with so Fluttershy had to make it please get it away from me this is horrifying!"
>A voice manages to sing song all of that.
>You blearily open your eyes to see Pinkie pushing a tray onto your form, on top of the covers.
>You grunt and move to sit up in bed, exposing your naked torso from your belly button and up.
>Pinkie looks horribly uncomfortable, her face reddening, sweating slightly, eyes transfixed on you.
"Uh, sorry Pinks, I guess you must be super freaked out by meat as a herbivore."
>You take the tray, pulling it into a more comfortable position, getting it further away from her.
>"Yes... Yes that's right." She answers, breathing deeply.
>She starts to slowly moonwalk out of the room.
>"Well I hope you like me. It. It, I hope you like it. Breakfast. Because you look delicious. It. The breakfast. It looks delicious. Umm, bye!"
>She opens the door, leaps through, and slams it closed.
>Well.. That was nice of her.
>You hungrily wolf down the tasty breakfast of champions, before getting dressed for another day of 'Look after the rare intelligent mythical creatures that apparantly aren't as important as Chupacabras, Mothmen, Tooth Fairies, Skinwalkers, Mermaids, Krampus, Manticores, Weeping Angels, Zombies, Golems, Lizardmen, Splicers, Dodos, Bunyips, Yetis, Minotaurs, Chimeras, Centaurs, Thunderbirds, Cockatrice, Sirens, Sickel Weasels, Gremlins, Ya-te-veo, Griffins, Harpies, Giants, Cyclops, Wendigos, Sphynx, imps, gnomes, and a whole host of grey spindly deceptively strong things'. Seriously. Fuck all those things.
>Okay, most of them are cool, but still.



>You head on out to the sounds of Pinkie saying something about "super muscular and-", they turn to you.
>Fluttershy hides behind her curtain of a mane. "D-did you enjoy breakfast?"
"Yeah I did, thanks Shy."
>Twilight then jumps in "Well we have to try paying you back in some way, for now kindness will have to do."
>The girls all smile to each other and you.
>You chuckle a little, they're so enthusiastic.
"Well thanks. So, is there anything else you'd like? Now that I've gotten you all the things you really need, anything else I won't really have to worry about getting it quickly, so we can just buy online."
>You see six quizical looks all directed at you.
"Right... Let me just show you." You say, grabbing your laptop.
>A few hours later you've bought a tonne of glow in the dark space stickers for the ceiling of their room, a ridiculous amount of pampaering products, a lot of famous literature, stuffed animals, and a giant exercise wheel.
>Luckily you managed to hide all the bdsm stuff that surrounded the link to that last one.
>Looks like you'll never afford going on holiday though. Ever.
>You've also set up your music system for easy access to all the super girly songs these mares actually like.
>You end up spending most of the day just talking and hanging out with them.
>This is so comfy.
>You have six mares all trying to cuddle with you as you talk about your life and theirs, your arms around them, hands idly stroking through their manes.
>"The worst part is I never even got to kiss a stallion. I thought I'd have my whole life ahead of me for something like that, and now I'm stuck here with you."
>Four other girls all agree with her plight, voicing their own similar situation.
>You can't help but think that Rarity must be lying though.
>And Dash makes a 'bleurgh noise' and acts disinterested by the whole thing.
>Twilight blushes. "I-I don't mean it like that though, o-of course I'm happy to be here, it's just-"



>You decide to put a stop to this before she accidentally summons a spaghetti monster.
"Twilight, it's alright, I get what you mean."
>There's a comfortable silence for a minute.
>"Anon, are human kisses nice?"
>Now it's your turn to blush.
"Uh well uh, yes, I mean kisses are always nice."
>"Well I don't know about that Anon, I can't imagine kissing a Griffin would be too great." She smiles.
>You forgot how easy ponies are with the idea of intimacy with another species, having come from a land where... Well, that just sort of happens.
>"Do you think, maybe, you could give me one kiss? J-just so I know what it's like is all!" Twilight blushes hard.
>"Well darling that's not really fair to the rest of us is it?"
>"Yeah, I want one too!"
>Well Dash sure fucking changed her tune.
>There's another not quite so comfortable silence for a minute.
>And then another.
>You let out a sigh.
>You are supposed to keep these beings content...
>And one chaste kiss won't change anything.
>You fucking freak.
>You're going to kiss a pony.
"One kiss. Just so you know what it's like. It's not going to be this life changing event, it's just sort of nice." You let out another sigh.
>Your heart is beating so hard.
>Thump thump thump.
>You can hear it in your ears your heart is pumping so hard over the idea of the thought of doing something so... Unholy?
>No, it's not that bad, but it sure is fucking weird.



>Your heart beats so loud as she closes her eyes and puckers her lips.
>Right, they're like children.
>This'll be nothing.
>You'll barely have to do anything, and she'll probably think you've infested her with cooties, run off, and rinse her mouth out.
>Your heart beats so loud, you don't hear the knock at your door.
>Twilight must be in a similar boat.
>Pinkie however, being the sweet and oblivious to consequences pony that she is, calmly trotted to the door, unlocked, and opened it.
>And there stands Jenkins, holding one of your reports in his hands, probably here to complain that the information on your last report wasn't detailed enough.
>Again.
>I mean come on, this isn't a school essay, he can't just tell you the minimum number of words you can use.
>But that's not really the problem right now.
>The problem is that the door opened, and his sight landed on you, just as your lips connected with Twilights.
>You do barely more than move your lips and suckle ever so slightly, for a meager two seconds.
>You pull your head back to look at her.
>A few seconds pass before her eyes finally flutter open. She lets out a shakey breath.
>"Oh... Oh my...."
>You can barely even hear her.
>Your peripherals notice the other ponies aren't looking at you, they're instead looking at....
>Oh fuck.
>The door closes slowly.
"Oh no...."
>You lower twilight to the couch, she seems to be... Pretty much out of it. It must be from embarassment. Nothing else.
>Nope.
>You however are slightly freaking out.



>No. No need to panic.
>This is like when a parent catches their son masturbating.
>They look away quick, walk away, never discuss it, but the son always cringes over the memory of it.
>You sit there for five minutes, the girls, Twilight now included, asking if you're okay.
>No.
>Jenkins is a cunt.
"I'll uh, I'll be back in a while. Just need to see if... If everything's okay."
>As you exit your home, the first thing you see across the hall is a printed sheet of A3 paper, laminated, stuck to the wall.
>'Anon Kisses Ponies' is the title, it goes over Jenkins account of the event, and has a photo of a horse, the hue changed to purple, mouth pressed to a photo of you taken from your file, and a love heart above the two of you.
>Five minutes.
>You start to walk down to different open offices, finding more posters.
>The fucker did this in five minutes.
>Your eyes are affected by the gravitational pull of great heaving jugs.
>You turn to see Cassie in all her tight uniform voluptuous glory.
>"I can't believe I was going to make you my booty call."
>She strides away, shaking her head.
>What.
>WHAT.
>You start marching to Jenkins closed off office.
>You'll destroy him.
>Just one good punch, leaning all your weight into it, that should disfigure him nicely.
>You storm all the way to his office, raising a hand to knock at the door.
>You let out a breath.
>No, this is a bad idea.
>You can't do this.
>This isn't you.
>You're better than this..



>If you're going to fuck someone up, you're going to make an entrance at least.
>You take a short step back, and then bring your foot up, extending it out hard and fast, your other foot planted firmly against the ground like a mighty tree.
>The doorframe around the lock almost explodes from the impact, the door swinging open wildly.
>And there before you is Jenkins.
>Balls deep in his Dodo.






Day 4
>You step out of the shower, barely drying yourself before you can no longer keep away the temptation.
>You look in the mirror and flex.
>'Damn I'm fine.'
>Since you caught Jenkins fucking the Dodo in his office, and subsequently shouting out for as many people to come look while holding the door wide open, everyone has seemingly forgotten about you kissing a pony.
>Especially as Jenkins was the only witness to it.
>While there were many witnesses to Jenkins.... Oddity.
>Plus the semen leaking from the Dodo as it went wild and ran out of his office, giving many unsuspecting people a fright.
>It's not every day you're confronted by a thought to be extinct creature with a gaping asshole dripping cum as it squawks in panic.
>And hell, anyone who does remember the story of you kissing a pony would probably think it was just Jenkins trying to throw people off of his own weird sexual fancies.
>Poor Dodo.
>At least Jenkins was on the small side.
>You spent the remainder of the evening finding every one of those pony kissing posters and tearing them down.
>And of course the mares other than Twilight all kept pestering you for their own kisses.
>You had to cave in. You'd get no sleep otherwise.
>One after another, you give them small, two second long kisses, each of them having the same sort of reaction as Twilight.
>You're not sure if it's good or bad for them, or a mixture of the two.
>You're also not sure if throughout the ages Stallions just sucked at kissing, or maybe it's your vastly different biology.
>Like, chemicals coming together, or something.
>Fuck, you don't know, you mostly just punch or shoot things.
>As they staggered to bed, Twilight began to mumble "You know, I'm not sure if I got the full experience of that first kiss....-" Before deciding not to risk any more and continuing to the bedroom.



>You apply an odourless deodrant to yourself, having gone through the rest of your routine.
>You're like Patrick Bateman.
>If he was also concerned with not being pounced on by monsters.
>You don't want anything to potentially catch wind of your scent, or the scent of the chemicals in other deodrants.
>Yes. You're on duty today.
>Once again the girls made you breakfast without even having to ask.
>They're real nice.
>You dress, and arm yourself.
>Stepping out to begin talking to the mares, you notice they seem more shy and bashful around you than they did before.
>But with your phone going off, you don't really have the time to wonder why that is.
"Sorry girls, thanks for breakfast, but I've got to go, have a good day."
>You smile to them as you leave, answering your phone.
>You're soon in your van, being given the rundown of an abandoned military base whilst you're driving.
>Oh boy.
>You're pretty sure you've read about this on /x/.
>Two gun toting 'innawoods' survival type campers have gone missing.
>Well, one and four fifths of the campers.
>They did find a leg.
>You find yourself bouncing in your seat a little.
>This is gonna be cool.
>And more importantly, it'll take your mind off of potentially getting the ponies taken off your hands.
>And who knows what would happen to you.
>Being seen kissing one of them, however brief. Is a big no no.



>You're definitely not supposed to get sexually involved with the completely different species, that's also endangered, that you're looking after.
>You haven't seen Jenkins since. No word of firing, just gone.
>And that was for fucking a stupid bird that would walk up to a rifle and happily get wrecked by it.
>Obviously you should never do that in an office environment, but... Your head will start hurting if you keep thinking about this.
>Just don't kiss the ponies.
>You let them get a taste of it, so to speak, now it's done. No more.
>You look to your weapons, deciding to take your mind off of it for reals this time.
>Sawn off shotgun, cartridges full of rock salt.
>Flask of holy water.
>Rosary beads.
>A bible.
>wooden stakes.
>Silver knives.
>Oak baton.
>Hey, you never know right?
>Reports of, 'Guys got killed, good luck working with that' don't exactly give you a lot of information on what you're up against.
>And of course, your Glock 17, standard ammo, as well as an AS50. A sexy fucking sniper rifle.
>Unfortunately, whatever you're up against, you're expected to bring it back alive unless the global facilities already contain a certain number of the creature.
>In which case, kill it before it kills you, leave no evidence behind.
>Joy.



>You are officer Nick Jackof.
>Your partner is off sick, and the department couldn't afford to assign you another.
>That's okay though, you're only a year away from retirement, and after all the medals you've earned, and cases you've solved, you've been stationed on a nice, empty, long, empty, deserted, very empty, very long, and extremely empty, section of road.
>You let out a long happy sigh, listening to your favourite tunes on the radio. You're about to open the box of poptarts your wife Mildred made for you, when you see in your rear view mirror, an incredible sight.
>A van.
>Driving down this section of road.
>The road where you haven't seen any other vehicle of any description, ever.
>You perk up slightly at this, might as well do your job every once in five years right?
>You watch as the van drives passed, going the speed limit exactly.
>The left tail light is busted.
>Eh, might as well.
>You let off a short woop woop of siren as you drive after the van, which promptly slows to a crawl, and pulls over.
>You step out of your car, and wiggle your belt about before striding up to the drivers side.
>The blackened window rolls down, to reveal a young man, sweating bullets, on the seat next to him a small mountain of tissues, all soaked with red liquid.
>"Evening officer, is there a problem?"
"You've just got a tail light out, thought I'd let you know. I won't write you up or anything. License and registration?"
>He pulls open his glove compartment, and a flood of different passports, licenses, and bricks of different currencies of paper money wrapped in cellophane fall out.



>Must be a busy guy.
>"Ah, h-here you go officer."
You briefly look it over.
"Ah, everything looks in order here." You go to hand him back the items, ready to leave.
>There's a great thump in the back of his van, followed by a moaning.
>You decide to hold onto his means of identity a little longer.
"... Sir, I'm going to look through the back of your van, do you mind?"
>".......... No...."
>You walk to the back, and open the doors.
>There you see a naked, dirty being, very tall and large, with sinewy  yet vastly powerful looking muscles. It's tied up with many steel cables, and has a head that looks halfway between a mans and a deers, including the antlers.
>You can see where it's dislocated its bones out, trying to escape from its bonds.
>The fingers of its hands are twice as long as you'd expect, ending in four inch long razor sharp claws.
>Its legs are longer than normal, ending in hooves, making it even taller if it were to stand.
>The eyes are blood red as it stares into your very soul.
>And it has an erection.
>It opens its mouth, revealing multiple rows of jagged teeth, black drool dripping from them.
>"It's okay. Go to sleep."
>You stare at it for a few seconds more, then slowly close the doors to the van, and walk back up to the drivers side.
>You hand him back his license and registration.
"Have a good day sir."
>You walk back to your car, and start to reverse, and reverse, and reverse.
>Mildreds getting beaten tonight.



>Fuck your shoulder hurts.
>Fucking Deer Men.
>Fucking terrifying Deer Men.
>You drive back to the facility, parking your Van in a containment area.
>You go to meet one of the suits, one of the men in black, and you give them the rundown of what happened, and obviously the type of creature that it is.
>He stares wordlessly at you.
>You want to reach up and poke his face.
>It's probably a mask.
"Well, alright, have a good day."
>At that he smiles the biggest grin.
>You almost die.
>And then you walk out of there.
>For fuck sakes, the higher ups are trying to teach them about emotions and customer relation type shit again aren't they?
>Your whole body shivers at the vision of that grin being pounded into your memory forever.
>You could fuck Hitomi Tanaka like a runaway freight train and not cum for a year.
>You enter your home.
"Hey girls, we'll talk in a second, just need to go to my whiskey room."
>You try not to smile at the thought, wanting to maintain your cool guy illusion.
>The whiskey room is a tiny coat room.
>With a single light.
>A stool.
>A table.
>A sewing kit.
>A lighter.
>And a bottle of whiskey.
>It's where you go to patch up your wounds and feel like the biggest badass in the world.



>As you make the slightest of turns however.
>"GAAAASP!!"
>The six mares are all over you, moving you towards the couch.
>"Now you just lay right there mister! Um, if you want to, that is."
>What?
>"Oh my that looks so painful, you're being a brave colt to endure this."
>The girls strip you of the upper half of your clothes, and you feel rivers of blood treakle down from your right shoulder blade.
"It's fine I can do it myse-"
>"There there Anon, it's okay...."
>Pinkie lightly strokes your head.
"Really, I can-"
>"I'll put some hot chocolate on for him."
>"I'll grab his blankets!"
>Rarity and Dash both make their intentions known as Fluttershy is already starting to do what you would usually do.
>Except without leaving a jaggedy sewing pattern from trying to sew your own back.
>"Ahll get the marshmellows, Twi?"
>"Way ahead of you." She smiles and zips off.
>You're soon patched up, holding a mug of hot chocolate, marshmellows floating in it, covers lightly draped around you, Twilight placing plasters with smiles on them over the smallest of scrapes you have, and kissing each of the 'booboos' better.
>The beginning of Lady and the Tramp starts to play on the tv as you're once again surrounded by soft cuddling poines.
"I'm a man damnit..." You grumble.
>Pinkie slides the stem of a flower through the locks of your hair, the blurry redness of the flower coming from the corner of your vision.
"A manly man..."