>Be Anon, the human.
>You've put Twilight down for her nap.
>Cuddling takes a lot out of a gal, you guess.
>You feel like you're role is somewhere between horsehusband and horsefather.
>What's the middle point between those two?
>Horseuncle?
>Are you the creepy uncle who touches no-no places?
>You sure hope not.
>Still not a word from her, though.
>Because seriously, this is like babysitting a goddamn child.
>You really hope this behaviour disappears when this is all over.
>Whenever it ends.
>Whatever it is.

>It's noon now, and you're pretty hungry.
>A quick check of Twilight's cupboards reveals nothing that your human stomach can digest.
>Hay bars, ramen noodles only with hay instead of noodles, chocolate-covered dandelions (is that Japony text on there? What a fucking weeb), and what looks like a small salt lick hidden behind a box of Celesti-o's.
>The fuck are Celesti-o's anyway?
>Guess its off to the market for you.
>But what about the other pones?
>They'll jump your bones the moment you jump out!
>You need a way to fend them off.... a way to show them you're taken.....
>Something that smells like Twilight.
>A few minutes later, you leave Twilight's house/public library with a cloth diaper tied up around over you pants. 
>Shit's so snug yo.
>It was the gaudiest, strongest-smelling thing you could find.
>And it is ugly as sin.
>It looked like a gay clown vomited this up.
>ONWARD


>Be Applejack.
>Be prowlin' the roads fer a mate.
>It's that tahme of the year, and you've put off herdin' fer too long.
>But who tuh herd.....
>He needs tuh be impressive.
>Show that cock off, colt
>You know, prove tuh you that they're worthy of formin' a herd with you.
>Yer instincts're screaming atcha, tellin' y'all whut tuh look fer.

>There's one right o'er yonder.
>Caramel, or whatever his name done be.
>He's got a tie-dye sock coverin' his sheath, and his scrote has been painted tuh look lahke two Easter eggs.
>Pfft.
>Sock's too loose. Eggs too small. Mama want an omelette that can feed a whole family, know whut Ah'm sayin'?
>Who else is next?
>Who the hay is that, Gizmo?
>He has a be-yoo-tee-full mural of a scene from one're his Hahperspace Hahper War games on his colt-jank.
>Hmm.....
>You've heard that them smarty-types done have some exotic tastes, but you don't want no ugly babies.
>Want Red Delicious, not Crabtree, filly.
>'Lestia-dangit, it's bin all day and not ONE'them stallions has appealed to you.
>Y'all know you shouldn't be so judgemental.
>They're trying their best, and a lot're 'em is first-timers, but yer apple orchard jus' ain't given her seal of approval yet.
>Lahke, take a look Coco walkin' out yonder fer a second.
>You don' even know whut he was tryin' to 'complish with those jewels he glued to his scrotum.
>Looks real painful, too.
>Poor dear probably hot-glued'em on.
>Bless his heart, he tried.

>Oh hey, it's Anawn.
>Haha whut the buck is he even wearin'?
>Oh, Anawn, that's the.... most.... erotic thing you have ever laid yer ahye's on.
>The clashin' colour is perfect.
>Clouds of yeller and blue and red..... 
>It looks lahke somep0ny dun shat out Celestia's mane.
>Are those tassels?
>Oh fuck you are so wet right now.
>You can feel yerself winking faster'n Big Mac to the swimmin' hole.

>Alright, Applejack, don' buck this up, now.
>Look back real quick-lahke. Is yer matin' plumage on right?
>You bet yer apple biscuits it is.
>Let's proceed.

>You are Anon again.
>And lucky for you, the market is empty.
>On the one hand, that means you can't buy any food.
>On the other hand, that means there's nopony around to stop you from stealing any leftovers in the stalls.

>Oh hey Applejack is here
>And she has the most OUTRAGEOUS ass plumage.
>That's coming out from her ass.
>Fuckin' weirdo ponies.
>Oop, she's spotted you and she's coming this way.
>JOKES ON YOU MOTHERFUCKER I GOT A DIAPER ON WITH TWILIGHT'S STANK ALL OVER IT
>The smell sort of made you retch when you first put it on, but it's fine now.
>Twilight needs to take way more baths.
>There are these yellow stains on it, and you hope to God that just means she's a messy eater.
[spoiler]>hint its mare cum[/spoiler]
[spoiler]>You weren't fooled for a second.[/spoiler]

>So anyway, Applejack's just standing in front of you.
>Staring at your crotch
>Just like every other goddamn pony you've come across today.
>Well not this time. She's probably mourning her loss of a hot, seductive guy like yohgod you think you just threw up in your mouth a little.
>This fucking diaper.

>So now she's looking you dead in the eye
>Just like Twilight did.
>Just like Rainbow Dash did.
>By God, though, that plumage is amazing.
>It's like this 45-degree fan of soft, green apple tree branches that have been woven together. You can see all sorts of colours, like green, brown, yellow, orange, and red.
>It's beautiful.

>.......
>Aw fuck, she's starting to dance.
>You wrapped a smelly cumblanket over your only clean pair of pants for NOTHING.
>You sigh, resigned.
>Let's see what kind of show she's going to put on for you.

>Be Applejack.
>The orangest howdy-horse in all the land.
>You've found your colt.
>You NEED this colt.
>Before she passed away, your Mama told you all about courtin'.

"Applejack, when you meet the stallion destined to be yer husbando, y'all make sure he dun get away, 'hear? Ya gotta prove to them that you're a proper mare who can provide for him and make sure he dun want fer nothin'. It can be temping to hogtie'em and mount'em right then and there, but you gotta remember to be gentle. Don't scare the delicate creature away, now."

>You'll make your Mama proud.
>You'll seduce the HORSEFEATHERS out of this colt.
>Prove to him the two of you are meant to be.
>Show him you're strong enough to raise him a proper family.
>Show him how gentle you can be as not to scare him.

>And you intend to do just that.
>Time for the CROSSBOW SHOW


>Be Anon
>Applejack is now in the face-down-ass-up position with her legs spread wide.
>What is she going to dOH LORDY LOOK AT THOSE THIGHS
>THEYRE SO MUSCLEY 
>SHE MUST HAVE THE TIGHTEST HORSEASS AROUND
>Oh Jesus why is this turning you on right now?
>She's pawing the ground and making these moaning/grunting noises as she shakes her tight ass for you.
>She knows what she's doing to you
>You've seen that shiteating grin more than once today

>The smell of lavender distracts you, however.
>You turn to your left and find another grunting, presenting pony.
>Oh hey it's that blue pony from the spa.
>Lotus, you think her name is.
>Her plumage is a weave of white blossoms, like the one on her cutie mark.
>You know that she doesn't do nearly as much physical work as Applejack, so her ass-flexing really just serves to jiggle her butt.
>Her fat, oiled up butt.
>.......
>It's a sad day when you have to stop and remind yourself that you are NOT a horsefucker.
>Ruh-oh, Raggy, Applejack isn't happy about this new development AT ALL.

>Be Applejack.
>Excuse you?
>EXCUSE you?
>You are NOT gunna let this mare-whore snatch Anawn away from you!
>You know how she sleeps around, and he deserves better'n her!
>Someone who 'spects him!
>You ain't havin' nun of that, no ma'am.
>You flex yerr sphincter muscles an' adjust yer plumage.


>Be Anon again
>Woah!
>Applejack's asstree just fanned out!
>It's a full 180 degrees now.
>You actually take a step back when you get a good look at her full plumage.
>A scary-ass pair of eyes is staring at you.
>This is amazing.
>Lotus doesn't like that at all.
>She's backing away like a cat that has something stuck on its' head, and her plumage is twitching pathetically.

>Aww, AJ's pawing the ground with her widdle hoofsies like a bull to scare Lotus away.
>This little nigger dun fuck up.
>Lotus knows it, too.
>You can plainly see it in her eyes.
>Her bubble-butt quivers in fear.

>OH SHIT Applejack's actually charging!
>Oh jesus you didn't think it would come to this.
>Rainbow and Fluttershy just tried to scare each other off, before.
>There was no actual violence!
>Oh god you don't want to be indirectly responsible for a horsemurder.