"No."
>"Oh, c'mon! Please?"
"Absolutely not.
>"Why not? All she needs is a push for her to get on track again."
"Because she terrifies me, Celestia."
>You uncross your arms and look behind you; just in case you-know-who was there.
"There were... THINGS... that you could do to a male a thousand years ago, okay? And she wants to do ALL of them."
>The white alicorn scrunches her face up in concentration, seemingly trying to remember exactly what THINGS you were talking about.
>"I... can't really recall what 'things' you mean."
>Bullshit.
>She's in on this, isn't she?!
"You were alive when that shit was going down, Celestia!"
>Celestia's eyebrows shoot up challengingly.
>"I don't have a perfect memory, Anonymous. I was born a mortal and ascended to an alicorn, you know; my mind isn't built to hold unlimited experiences."
>Huh.
"For real?"
>Celestia nods.
>You're going to have to remember that for later.
"I'm talking about claiming a husband, Celestia. Legally and PHYSICALLY. She wants a husb-"
>"Oh, Old Ones!"
>Celestia's white face turns a bit green her eyes widen in both horror and remembrance.
>"Don't tell me she tried to mark you, did she?"
>You take an unconscious step closer to the friendly pony as you remember the sight of Luna heating up her branding iron.
"She did, but I got away before she noticed me."
>"Oh, you poor thing..."
>Celestia pulls you into a hug and you cling to her for comfort.
>"You don't have to worry about that, any more, okay? When did she do this?"
>She separates and conjures a stuffed pony doll out of thin air and presented it to you.
>"Where did the bad mare touch you?"
>You sniffle.
"Everywhere."

>As you go back in for a hug, the doors behind you burst open and the sound of sprinting hooves fill the air.
>Acting purely on instinct, you remove yourself from Celestia's embrace, wrap an arm around her neck, and use that as leverage to jump onto her back.
"Home free! Home free! I'm on her back and that means you can't touch me!"
>The new pony in the room (who obviously turns out to be Luna) knickers in disappointment and lowers her red-hot branding iron.
>You almost feel sorry for her as she dejectedly walks out of the room, head down and ears floppy.
>Those feelings last about as long as it takes for her to turn back and address you.
>>"Thy cannot run from us forever, Fair Anonymous. There shalt be a day where thine guard is down and mine sister is naught to be seen. On that day thou shalt be mine husband and thy hoof-spiders shall be put to use on the Royal Tummy-Tum-Tums."
>Her departing words given, Luna disappears.
>You are left clinging to Celestia with your face buried in her mane.
>Celestia turns and walks away with a word.
>You spend the rest of the day making Day Court difficult for Celestia to accomplish with your presence on her back.
>Today was a "you accidentally terror-peed on Celestia's back" kind of day.