>You’re Anon.
“Fuuuuuuuuckk!~”
>And you just came inside Rainbow Dash.
>Not the flesh-and-blood Rainbow Dash mind you, but rather a plushie of her.
>Could you fuck the real one instead?
>Probably, if you gave it some effort.
>Problem is, you’re too much of an autist to look a pony in the eye, let alone flirt with one.
>Oh well, your surrogates do the job just fine.
>You slip your softening dick out of Rainbowplush’s sweet, sweet silicon snatch and begin the usual cleanup routine.
>Between the cost of the fleshlight and the custom plush itself, you had spent well over a grand.
>Well worth it, really.
>And not just because of the sexual factor; over time you had developed a sort of bond with it.
>Sure, yeah, it was a little bit weird since she’s an actual pony, bu-
“Ouch! Shit, that hurts!”
>You didn’t test the water’s temperature before sticking your dick in it.
>Oversensitive dicks and near-boiling water really hurt when combined, apparently.
>In the midst of doing your little dance of pain, a loud ‘thump’ impacts your front door and reverberates throughout the apartment.
>”Anon!? Anon!” you hear another loud thud.
>Speak of the devil and he shall appear.
>It was Rainbow. Not just any Rainbow, but a panicked one.
>She was one of your first, and only, friends you had made here. Unfortunately, if there was one thing you had learned about her over time, it was that she was prone to jumping towards the worst possible conclusions. 
>Some know-it-all shrinks might have something to say about you fucking a plush of your best friend, but honestly, she was just really hot. 
“H-hold on Rainbow! Just, uh, give me a minute!” you stick your head out of the open bathroom and holler in the general direction of your front door.
>Either she didn’t hear you or she’s so incredibly frenzied that she doesn’t believe you, because she continues pounding with all her might.
>You hurriedly pull your pants up and quickly rush towards your room to start hiding any evidence of the going-ons, but you don’t make it in time.
>Accompanying a huge bodyslam, your door literally flies off its hinges to rest a few feet away
>You jump back in slight surprise, just in time to avoid Rainbow flying through the opening and down your hallway.
>Down the hallway. Which led right into your room.
>Which had a bed. With a lifesize Rainbow plush laying on it, in full view.
>A plush which was still leaking cum out the back.
>A stark contrast to the constant banging for the last minute, there’s complete silence.
>You full-blown sprint into your room, only barely slowing down in time to avoid running into a frozen, deeply-blushing Rainbow.
>You follow her gaze, and of course, it’s on the plush. What else.
“Ohh, uh, fuck,” you cradle your head in your hands “Look, it’s.. it’s not what it looks like.”
>She says nothing and makes no moves for a solid ten seconds.
>Then one of her hindlegs twitch, accompanying the sound of dripping fluid.
>”..I-uh-I... gottagobye!” she blurts out.
>You watch her dash back down the hallway and out of your apartment before collapsing to your knees.
“Why me, God? Why me?” you mutter disdainfully, staring at the carpeted floor with a mix of exasperation and disbelief.
>Holding the pose a couple more seconds for dramatic effect, you get back up and go to evaluate the damage she had done to your door.
>Luckily, it seems the only permanent damage were the hinges themselves. There was a slight dent on the actual door, but nothing notable.
>You can’t leave your apartment wide open for the world to see, so after closing all interior doors (plus cleaning and hiding the plushie) you head off towards the local hardware shop.

>’Hard Hat’s Hard Materials’ was the name, run by a rather risqué, but friendly, couple.
>You weren’t exactly a regular, but they knew your name by now. 
>Something, something, ‘colt who knows how to handle a powerdrill’, something..
>That was another thing- the gender roles
>The first day you arrived, you had put off the odd comments and mannerisms as just a ‘pony thing’
>Then you met your first stallion.
>Yeah. To say the least, that first week or so wasn’t the best.
>As you dodge between a group of chattering ponies, the target of your destination comes into view.
>A quaint place, tucked into the rural equivalent of a mini-mall. Family owned, yet it was the only place in Ponyville where you could buy household hardware.
>You pause for a second right outside the building, mentally bracing yourself.
>After the moment of deliberation, you swiftly push the door open and step inside. Said door knocks a little bell hung off the ceiling, subsequently announcing your arrival. 
>Without hesitation, a female voice from the back of the store invites you in.
>”Heya! Welcome to Ha-, oh, Anon!” the mare calls.
>Your body sticks out well above the shelves. You’re a pretty easy spot. 
“Hey Bulk,” you reply back, slightly nodding your head, “I’m just here for an errand today. Have any door hinges?”
>To call this mare thickset would be a gross underexaggeration. She was built like a fucking pony linebacker, but with more muscle and less fat. Could probably give Celestia a run for her money in terms of height, too.
>Ponies usually live up to their name, and a name like ‘Bulk Shipment’ kinda tells itself.
>She tilts her head to the side and puts a hoof to her chin, squinting and humming in thought, before her eyes widen and she perks up.
>“Actually, yes!” with a jerk of her head signaling you to follow, she walks down one of the longer aisles.
>As you walk, you idly scan the passing shelves for the screws you’d also likely need.
>Not looking where you’re going, you accidentally walk into the mare you were following.
>Before the word ‘sorry’ can even escape your mouth, she already has an innuendo on her lips.
>”How about you ‘bump’ into me for real next time?” she nudges your side, giving you a smirk and a small giggle, and you can’t help but chuckle awkwardly a bit in return, “Anyways, you wanted door hinges, right?”

>Five minutes later, you’re walking back to your house with both arms and pockets full of various door hinges, screws, screwdrivers, and such.
>You had absolutely no clue what sizes you’d need of, well, anything, so you just got them all. 
>Money wasn’t an issue; Equestria gave more-than-generous welfare cheques. It was a wonder how it wasn’t abused.
>’Just the nature of ponies, I suppose.’
>Caught in your internal monologue, you almost miss the distinctive purple tail of your fellow autistic acquaintance run out of your apartment complex’s front door, just as you round the corner. 
>Keyword being ‘almost’. 
>Your internal defcon meter increases a level immediately. Wherever Spergle went, drama would soon follow. 
>Especially considering the fact that your door is gon-
>Oh shit! 
>Your door is gone, yeah!
>And unless Twilight knows one of your few neighbors, she’s probably gone up to your apartment.
>Your step increases in pace as you begin to hurry back to your home.
>By the time you actually reach your place, hundreds of scenarios have raced through your head. 
>Did she steal something? She definitely would, if she thinks it could benefit in her learning of humans. 
>’Maybe Dash told her about the incident earlier, and she came to apologize on her behalf?’ you shake your head, ‘Nah, I don’t think Dash would tell anyone about that.’
>’Fuck, maybe she just came up say ‘hi’ or whatever? She used to do that when I was new.’
>You jog through the doorway, and what greets you causes you to pause and literally stare in open-mouth shock.
>It’s a lifesize Twilight Sparkle plushie, just sitting in the middle of your hallway. 
>But that’s not the end of it.
>It’s facing towards your room, away from you.
>Meaning you have a very good look at the ‘accessories’ on, or rather, ‘in’ the backend.

>You take a single step forward and unceremoniously dump all the material you were holding onto the floor. 
>Gingerly approaching the object of your focus, you quickly scrutinize the apartment for any hints of a hidden camera, or hidden pony. 
>Nothing stands out. All the lights are off, the doors are still closed, and the various knickknacks you had laying about are exactly where you left them. 
>Turning your head back to the plush, it becomes immediately obvious that the thing is extremely well made.
>Even more so than your Rainbow one, as expensive as it was.
>Now within reaching distance, you lightly brush your fingers over the cutiemark embroidery.  
>It’s absolutely flawless. 
>Considering the fact that industrial machining is rare in Equestria, and not to mention that plushes are a rather obscure niche, a master tailor must’ve painstakingly handcrafted this thing over literal months. 
>There’s a problem with that, though; you very much doubt Twiggle would have an explicit plushie of herself on standby. 
>After checking behind you for spies once more, you lean back and contemplate the situation.
>’It’s obviously a gift of sorts. Why Twilight would give this to me, iunno, but, well..’
>You pick up the thing to examine the rear-end up close.
>Like the plush itself, the fleshlight is also very high quality. One like this would cost hundreds back home.
>’..No need to look a gift horse in the mouth.’

>An hour later, you’ve re-installed your door and hidden the new ‘toy’, per se, away with its companion.
>You didn’t have a power drill, so you ended up just hammering the screws into place.
>’Hey, it worked didn’t it?’ you tell yourself as you go about cleaning up the wood chips scattered around the floor. 
>The door was at a slight angle, but it wasn’t extremely noticeable. 
>’Yup, that’s over with.’ you nod to yourself. The door begins to slowly slide down, and you shuffle it back into place.
>The sound of approaching hoofsteps takes your mind off the problem at hand.
>Echoing up the concrete stairwell, they’re faint, but quickly increasing in proximity.
>Normally this would be a complete non-issue; ponies have to go up the stairs to reach their apartments, it’s a thing that happens, but something about the tempo of these made you pause.
>Timid would be a good describing word. Dainty, even. No one who lives in these complexes is dainty.
>As soon as whoever it is reaches your floor, they stop ascending. There’s a few muffled sounds of shuffling, almost searching, steps. 
>Steps that eventually walk right up to your front door.
>”Hm. I thought Twilight had sa-”
>Before the pony even has a chance to knock, you swing your newly-attached door open. 
“Wha…?”
>It’s Rarity. You knew her, kind of. Made smalltalk a couple times before, bought a couple suits at a point even, but you wouldn’t even call each other acquaintances. 
>Thing is though, she’s currently staring up at you with pinprick eyes. Not only that- she has yet another plush held in her magic. Of herself. 
>’I’d place bets on it being a fuckable, too.’ is the only thought that runs through your mind, immediately before she slams your own door onto your face. 

>You wake up a minute later, laying on your back and staring up at the ceiling. 
>There’s small trickle of blood coming out of your nose and you have a pounding headache, but as far as you can tell nothing seems broken. 
>You slowly get up, leaning against the nearby wall for support, as you apply pressure onto the bridge of your nose. 
“Little shit just scrammed, huh. Doesn’t even try to help,” you rant to yourself in mild anger, curling your free hand into a fist.
>You shuffle forward a bit, the pain slightly subsiding.
“First it’s Rainbow breaking my door down, finding my plush, then it’s the plush delivery creepiness, and now I almost get my head caved in.”
>Stumbling into the kitchen, you down a couple painkillers and collapse into your dining chair. 
“I’ve really just had about enough of today.”

>Thirty minutes later and your headache has subsided enough that you can begin to think clearly. 
>Now that you know Rarity is involved, this whole situation has become a lot clearer. 
>Explained the plushie’s quality, first of all.
>Rarity wasn’t exactly one of the smartest ponies around, and she had quite the reputation of being a gossip.
>Why Rainbow would tell Rarity about the thing in the first place had yet to be explained, though.
>And against your usual attitude, the events of today have put you off any notion of non-confrontational solutions.
>You were going to get answers straight from the source.

“Rainbow!”
>You yell up towards the cloud-house for the umpteenth time, only to receive no answer yet again.
“God damn it Rainbow, if I have to come up there I’ll.. II’ll.. Do something, alright! I swear, I swear to fuck..”
>Nothing.
>You rest your forehead in a hand, eyes closed. 
>If you couldn’t talk to Rainbow, you still had a couple other backup options. 
>’Hm. Twilight, or Rarity. What an extremely difficult decision.’
>As you start off down the path to Twilight’s crystal tree-castle, you catch a Rainbow trail zoom out of the house you were just yelling at.
>Opening your mouth to vent your frustration towards her once more, you catch yourself at the last moment.
>No point to it, might as well spare your vocal cords. She wouldn’t be able to hear you anymore, anyways. 
>A few angry mutterings and breathing exercises later, and you’ve nearly arrived at your destination. 
>The castle is an affront against all decent aesthetics, really. Just one big shiny sore on the edge of an otherwise homely town. 
>It’s comparatively massive to the surrounding area, and in any sane world, it’d need a full roster of cleaning staff.
>Except this place has Twilight and her dragon servant, instead.
>Speaking of which; Spike. 
>You had taken a liking to the little guy initially. Twilight seemed to find your brotherly attraction to him endearing, mentioning ’colt paternal instincts’ and the like.
>For your first month or so, he was the perfect talking buddy. A single normal male in a world of ridiculous pansies. Sure he was a tween, but he was respectfully intelligent for his age.  
>Couple months in, he began to change. In retrospect, you never really were around him enough to have a legitimate influence, and he was constantly bombarded by his friends trying to make him more ‘colty.’
>Acts like a flamboyant pride-parade gay, now. Any connection you had with him is kaput. 

>Coming out of your depressing recollection, you prepare yourself once more to head into the breach that is Twilight’s house.
>Walking the short path up to her front door, nothing seems amiss. 
“Anyone home?”
>You knock on the door with carefully measured hits. Not too soft and not too hard. 
>No answer.
“Come on,” you bemoan “Do I really have to go through this routine agai-”
>Your complaining is cut off by the door slowly opening, and the head of Spike sticking its way through the crack.
>”Ugh. Who is this time?”
>He’s looking right at you. You almost check to see if you’ve become suddenly invisible again, but then it clicks that’s he’s just being, well, Spike. 
>Read: a passive-aggressive cunt that almost no one likes. 
“Look buddy, just let me in. I really need to speak to Twilight.” You give him an exasperated hand gesture.
>He pauses, stares at you with disinterest, and replies in deadpan. 
>”Really? What for?”
>You just look at him, make no expression for a few seconds, then stick your hand into the door’s crack.
>Spike’s eyes widen momentarily.
>Holding nothing back, you yank the door open as hard as possible.
>Having maintained his grip until the last second, Spike’s flung a good twenty feet before coming to a rolling stop.
>After glancing over once just to make sure he didn’t actually get injured, you step into the main castle foyer. 
>Not only is the place massive, it’s a maze of unsymmetrical hallways and doors that you could never even begin to memorize.
>’Guess I have my work cut out for me,’ You remark to yourself ‘Her room is to the right, I think.’

>Half an hour has gone by, and you have seen no hide nor hair of Twilight or her room.
>You passed by Spike once, though. All he did was give you an evil look and stomp away.
>Helpful.
>Coming to a stop in the middle of an unremarkable hallway, you lean against a wall in an attempt to rest.
>Only, that wall wasn’t a wall. You fall down onto your side hard, involuntarily making a small ‘oomph’ sound as you land. 
>Your brain scrambling for an explanation, you stand back up and look at the place you’re now in.
>It’s Twilight’s room. Colored the same ugly crystal purple as the rest of the castle, it’s rather typical apart from the stacks of books, poorly hidden jar of white liquid, large queen-sized bed, and dakimakura of you on said bed. Also smells faintly of sweat and.. cum?
>Staring at the place in utter confusion, you look back in the direction you just fell.
>It was a regular doorway, but with a slight shimmer to it that you could only really detect in your peripherals.
>’Illusion magic, then,’ you reason, ‘That’s why I- wait what.’
>You jerk your head back towards the oddly-shaped pillow you acknowledged before.
>Rubbing your eyes once, you continue staring the object.
>It’s a legit, actual hump-pillow of you in a seductive pose. 
>’I’m not sure if I’m flattered or weirded out,’ you take a step backwards, keeping your gaze ‘But either way, it doesn’t look like she’s here, so I’m out.’
>Turning around, you notice a distinct lack of exit and a large amount of pony.
>Twilight’s standing in your way, sheepishly grinning and blushing hard, while stammering excuses. 
>’I-I-I, uh, my- it i- ..I mean-...Sorry?”