>You are Anon, and you've got a birdhorse in your bed.
>Your friend Applejack came to you today and ask you to take care of her friend, Rainbow Dash.
>Apparently she had a nasty fall that injured her wings, and she won't be able to fly until she's healed.
>You asked Applejack why she wanted you to take care of a stranger for her, to which she replied that males are "natural caretakers" and that she would be too busy on the farm to keep watch over her.
>She also mentioned that Rainbow Dash's situation needed "a stallion's touch", which you HOPE means that it needs to be handled delicately.
>For your first few months in Equestria, Applejack seemed to be under the impression that you were some kind of "tease" and that everything you said and did had some kind of sexual undertone or meaning to it.
>When you told her that not everything has to be about sex, she winked and asked if it COULD be.
>There's a reason you don't live on the farm any more.
>Her conservative, family-oriented values prevented her from trying anything with you, but there were times when she'd just stand outside your bedroom door while you slept and breathe loudly.
>And then there was the time when all your underwear found itself into her possession, and she tried to convince you that ponies tongue-washed their unmentionables.

>"Anonymous! It's lunchtime!"
>Hmph.
>The bottomless pit she calls a stomach is empty again.
>Grumbling about how Applejack is DAMN lucky you're such a good friend, you climb up the stairs and shoulder open your bedroom door, tray of food in hand.
>Rainbow Dash is in YOUR bed, under YOUR covers, and wearing YOUR comically-oversized pyjamas.
>She's got her wings in casts, and there are various bandages wrapped around her head and her legs.
>"Took you long enough," she grumbles, glaring at you.
>You put the tray down on a table and point a finger at her.
"Listen here, you little shit. I don't have to do this. I could send you to a hospital RIGHT NOW where you'd be in an uncomfortable bed, sharing a room with eight other ponies. You'd be eating gross food and the only thing you'd have to entertain yourself with would be fifteen-year-old magazines and waste-stained Daring Do novels."
>You roughly drop the tray of food (complete with those little legs so that you can eat breakfast in bed) in front of her and turn to leave.
"One little fucking "thank you" would be nice."
>Rainbow Dash became a little bit less unpleasant after that.
>She was by no means nice, but your little speech at least reminded her that things could be a hell of alot worse for her.
>She was still a bitch, but the words "please" and "thank you" at least added themselves into her vocabulary.

"What book is that?"
>Rainbow Dash's ear twitches when you speak, but she doesn't look away from the pages of her novel..
>"Daring Do."
>The cover is a bit worn, but you can still make out the title from all the way over by the doorway.
>Daring Do and the Golden Feed-Bag
>Of course you know which one it is; it's your book.
"Which one?"
>She finally looks up from her book, but it's only to glare at you.
>"What are you, blind? I thought colts had good attention to detail."
>Rainbow Dash goes back to reading, and you don't say anything.
>If you're going to stay sane while Rainbow Dash is here, you're going to need to try and get along with her.
>For your own sake; not her's.
>Rainbow Dash sighs and pushes the book down onto her lap.
>"It's Daring Do and the Golden Feed-Bag," she says in a rushed, impatient tone, "Daring Do has to investigate a small town where the ponies living there are hiding the reason why so many of them have gone missing."
>She starts using hoof gestures to paint a scene.
>"She finds out that the townsponies found a golden feed-bag while mining for coal in a cave, and that it has mind-control powers that makes ponies jump into a nearby volcano to sacrifice them to some kind of volcano goddess."
>She grabs hers her book and raises her eyebrows at you expectantly.
>"There. Are you happy?"
>She pulls her book up to eye-level and goes back to aggressively ignoring you under the pretence of reading.
"You know," you say after a few moments of silence, "there's a character in my world who's pretty similar to Daring Do."
>Rainbow Dash stays silent.
"He's called 'Indiana Jones', and he's an archaeologist who explores dangerous ruins and temples, and rescues priceless treasures from evil-doers."
>Rainbow Dash scoffs.
>"What does he do; distract the villain with his masculine wiles so his side-kick can sneak her way past the bad gals and grab the treasure?"
>You force out a chuckle; this is the most conversation you've gotten out of her, aside from her asking about food.
>You give her a quick synopsis of the movies and watch as her attention slowly turns from her book, to you.
>By the time you're done talking, she's enraptured; she doesn't even notice that her book has fallen off of the bed.
"I still have that film, you know," you say, watching as Dash's face lights up, "Twilight rigged something up with some of the computer things that came with me, so we could watch it if you wan-"
>"Could we?!" 
>Rainbow Dash leaps to her feet, looking ecstatic...
>...only for her to wince at the sudden movement and slowly slip back under the covers.
>"I, uh.... please? If you don't mind?"
>She gestures around to her wings, which are twitching in protest of her sudden movement.
>"I have the time. And I guess I wouldn't mind spending some time with you, what with you living here and all."

-----------------------------

>It's a few weeks later, and the casts have come off of Rainbow Dash's wings.
>The bones are almost healed, but they're tied to her body to reduce the risk for another breaking; she still has a few more weeks at your house.
>Her friends visited to check up on her, of course, but they seemed content to leave her alone with you.
>Rarity, in particular, gushed to her friends about how "romantic" it was when she thought you weren't around to hear her.
>>"A mare, injured in a heroic feat of ability and worth, being nursed back to health by a beautiful and doting stallion? Ooh, it's days like today that I wish /I/ could fly too~"

>"An-and then I said," laughs Rainbow Dash, barely able to speak through her laughter, " 'Hold my cider, Twi!' and I flew up into the air!"
>Rainbow Dash is telling you about the time she performed a Sonic Rainboom while drunk off her ass.
"D-did you do it?" you ask, wiping tears from your eyes.
>"You bet your flank I did! Who do you think you're talking to?"
>Rainbow's smile fades a bit.
>"I got pretty disoriented at the tail end of it, though, and plowed into the ground."
>Her wings twitch against their bindings.
>"That's how I ended up here."
>This sobers you up immediately.
"Oh, shit, really? I'm sorry, Dash; I didn't know."
>The cyan mare shrugs and mock-punches you in the shoulder; more of a tap with her hooves, really.
>"Nah, it's cool. It'll take more than the ground to stop The Dash!"
>Rainbow Dash thrusts her chest out and puffs out her tuft, an act which causes you to gasp in surprise.
>You didn't know ponies could do that on command!
>Rainbow Dash grins smugly and wriggles her tuft around.
>"You like what you see, eh? That's right: Rainbow Dash has the thickest tuft in town, let me tell you."
>She settles down and nudges you again.
>"You wanna find out just how thick it is?"
>Laughing, you nudge her back.
"Maybe later."
>Rainbow Dash surprises you by blushing a bit and leaning into your side, and the two of you settle into comfortable silence.
>That is, until Rainbow speaks up again.
>"Besides, you're pretty cool company for a colt."
"For a colt?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.
>Should you NOT be?
>Rainbow Dash just rolls her eyes at you.

-----------------------------------

>A few more weeks pass with the two of you spending more and more time together.
>Today is the day the last of Rainbow Dash's bandages came off.
>She's free to leave your house and go back to her friends, her job at the weather factory, and... her life.
>Without you.
>You watch with no small amount of sadness as Rainbow Dash packs her few meager supplies and walks out the door to where her friends are waiting to collect her.
>"W-well, thanks for having me, Anon. I guess I didn't make things too easy for you, the first few weeks, but you really made things bearable. Those movies you showed me made me forget all about not being able to fly."
>Pinkie Pie wraps an arm around Rainbow's neck and gives her a noogie.
>"Were movies the only thing he distracted you with, Dashie?"
>Rarity approaches while Rainbow Dash laughs and tries to fight Pinkie Pie off of her.
>"Anonymous, darling, I DO hope that Rainbow Dash didn't do anything... untowards with you."
>You laugh, thinking back to how dirty Rainbow made showing off her chest tuft sound.
"Not unless you count shoving her puffy chest fur in my face."
>The reactions of the ponies before you is mixed.
>Pinkie Pie cheers and tries to high-hoof Rainbow Dash
>Rarity gasps and shouts Rainbow's name at her
>Twilight shoots a concerned look at you
>Fluttershy blushes and hides behind her mane
>And Applejack bites her lip and gives you the most intense look you've ever seen.
>You're beginning to realize that pony body-language is different than human body-language.
>Rainbow Dash looks pretty miffed at you, so you decide to try and save the situation.
"Hey! Hey, quiet down!"
>Everybody stops what they're doing and looks at you.
"It's no big deal, alright?"
>"N-no big deal?!" demands Rarity, "Anonymous, do you even know wh-"
"She asked if I wanted to rub her tuft, and I told her I'd think about it."
>You hold out your palms placatingly.
"Let's all just settle down about it, okay?"
>"Hnnngg~"
>You look to see who's moaning, only to spot Applejack.
>She's still biting her lip, only now she's pawing the ground with her front legs and rubbing her thighs together.
>Jesus, Applejack. 
>Keep it in your pants.
>"Ah... Ah think Ah need to go now..." she moans, "Th-the farm needs tendin' to, y'know?"
>And she's off, leaving only a cloud of dust and a musky smell behind.
>Twilight grabs Rainbow's suitcase (which is something she always had) and walks away with her other friends.
>They all stop about 30 feet away, watching and waiting for Rainbow Dash to say goodbye and to join them.
>Rainbow Dash flies up to you and hovers near your face.
>"So, I actually had a pretty good time hanging out with you."
>She glances back and her friends and blushes a bit.
>"I REALLY could have done without you mentioning the 'tuft' thing, but I guess you gotta gives colts a break sometimes."
"I had fun too, Rainbow," you say, rubbing her ears, "I consider you a friend, and I hope you do too."
>"Y-yeah!" exclaims Rainbow, more enthusiastically than you expected, "We're friends!"
>Rainbow shoots her friends another look and gets in real close, leaning in to your ear.
>"And, uh... were you being serious when you said you were thinking about t-touching my tuft?"
"What, and pass up rubbing my fingers through something that soft? Name the time and place."
>You hear the sound of someone licking their lips about an inch from your ear and Rainbow pulls away.
>That smug grin is back, but you can see tinges of uncertainty in her eyes.
>"H-hey, listen, I'm going to be doing some flight practice in the park later today, after dark. You wanna hang out? You could... touch it then if you wanted to."
>You respond with a pat on her back (just below the wings).
"Sure thing. See you then, Rainbow."
>Rainbow Takes off and does a few flips in the air.
>"Bye, Anon!"

-----------------------

>You can hear your wife snoring from all the way upstairs.
>Your two children, a filly and a colt, are snuggled up with you under the blankets.
"And that, kids, is how I met your mother."

------------------------
epilogue:

>Rainbow Dash kicks the door to her cloud mansion open with a hind leg, walking backwards to drag your bulk behind her like a rainbow-maned lion dragging her prey across the savanna.
>Once your body crosses the threshold, she drops your ankle and collapses on the cool, cloudy floor.
>"S-see?!" she pants, taking great gulps of air, "I t-told you I could... carry you like... like a proper groom!"
>You push your hands again the Cumulonimbus floor, which bears your weight thanks to whatever contrived bullshit magic Twilight managed to MacGyver for you.
>You're still feeling kinda dizzy from all the blood rushing to your head thanks to Rainbow flying you up to her cloud mansion by your ankle, upside-down.
>You guess it's YOUR cloud mansion too, now.
>You roll onto your back and check up on your new bride.
>Still laying on the ground.
>Still out of breath.
>Still looking like she might throw up from the exertion.
>"And they said... they said you were too BIG t-to carry... c-called my colt FAT right in... right in front of me. Oh. Oh, Celestia, this was a mistake."
>She rolls onto her back.
>"I regret this immediately."
>You crawl over to your wife and rub her chest.
"You alright there, honey?"
>She waves at you with a hoof, but otherwise doesn't make any effort to move.
>"I'm good, babe. I just need to lay here for a while. Maybe take a nap."
>She suddenly stiffens and her tail straightens out.
>"Or throw up; maybe that will make me feel better."
>You move to pick her up, but Rainbow suddenly begins to frantically dig at the cloud floor in front of her.
>Once there's a hole big enough, she sticks her head inside and lets loose.
>"HHERUUUURHHRHRHUGHARAAALLAAAH"
>Gross.
>A few more vollies of puke, and Rainbow lies back down on her side.
>"B-buck... I r-really hope nobody lives directly below us."
>You decide to put off the honeymoon for a few hours while your blushing bride recovers a bit.