related prompts/ideas taken from different posts so you don't ask what the gen is about for the 100th time, ctrl+f a (single) index quote to see more. notable ones include 1, 6, 11, 21, 22 and 28-29-30

INDEX:
 1) >Tartarus is just one big time out box. With no nap or snack time. 
    So is the moon.
 2) >Something 'bad' happens to Anon 
    >Anon just shrugs it off and goes about his day happily
    >Ponies everywhere think he is the toughest badbutt ever.
    being a villain is like one huge LARP
 3) >"You are all a bunch of faggots. Let me tell you that story about the monster under the bed. All the beds."
 4) >Anon is a banker in a little out of the way town 
    >One day some ponies come in with squirt guns trying to rob the place
    >Anon just confiscates their water guns
 5) >Anon goes in for a checkup at the doctor 
    >Everypony keeps telling him how brave he is 
 6) >Big, bad villains of the week are -really- toned down from what they usually are in the show. 
    >Each one gets sent to a super, uber 'prison' where all 'super bad people' go to. 
    >It's just a glorified AA meeting/group therapy session.
    >prison bitch Sombra
 7) >Spike imitates Anon and uses some horribly rude bad words during his conversations
    >Spike really has no idea about what they mean, he just thinks they sound cool
 8) >Spike invites Anon to an exciting sports event
    >"Gee, lemme guess. X-Treme Knitting?"
    >"What? No, it's a boxing match."
    >"BOXING? IN THIS WEENIE PLACE?"
 9) >Spike is being bullied by Groyle and his gang
    >As in, he's snacking on Spike's snacks without his permission
    >Anon sighs and once again goes to the rescue
10) >Ponies need sugar to live 
    >Anon doesn't (at least not to the same extent)
    >As usual, Anon is having coffee
    >A pony offers him some sugar cubes but Anon pilitely refuses, arguing he likes his coffee black and bitter
    >The entire table goes silient
11) >Anon asks the ponies where babies come from
    >Ponies just stare at him as if he had asked the dumbest question ever
    >"Babies are delivered by storks, of course!" says Twilight.
12) >Celestia summons Anon to Canterlot to discusss a matter of supereme urgency
    >Anon squee in excitement at the idea of being summoned to bash a bad guy
13) >Anon is traveling in train with Twi and company
    >A very scared pony peeks out of the windows and immediately shrieks about how they are about to be attacked by bandits
    >Anon beams because this means he will get a chance to kick some ass to save the scared ponies
    >He prepares himself to start punching and kicking the moment the bandits draw a weapon    
    >The bandits open a big sack and politely ask the passengers to please deposit their valuables there 
14) >Ponies need their nap after lunch to get through the rest of the day
    >Aach day during this time Anon goes around the town petting all the ponies and scratching their ears
    >They always start to smile in their sleep and wake up a lot more relaxed whenver anon does this
15) >Anon is the toughest, most hardcore creature in all of Equestria
    >Many ponys are in awe of him
    >Especially a certain rainbow maned pony
    >Rainbow Dash is obsessed with impressing Anon
16) >Manticores just lick ponies
    >Cockatrices don't actually turn anyone to stone they just glare at them
    >Timberwolves are basically just big dogs
17) >Kinderquestria bandits
    >Ponies use confectioneries as weapons
    >After all it's not easy to get sticky, sugary goods out of one's fur
    >the crime is much more severe depending on how hard it is to get a stain out.
18) >Anon uses a permanent marker pen to draw a moustache on a mare
    >Anon goes to jail but the mare must now live her life as a stallion
19) >Anon puts on a show where he talks to himself while constantly switching outfits (read:putting on a hat and glasses)
    >Ponies think there are actually two humans
    >And this is somewhat VERY close to how Changelings actually work in Kinderquestria
20) >Rape in Kinderquestria
    >Rapist ponies quietly sneak into their victim's houses and carefully slip in their beds to sleep with them without their consent
    >They just sleep, and then escape before their victims wake up
21) >Human is anti-magic
    >Every creatures have magic inside them
    >No magic is a dead body
    >As Earth runs on physics, Equestria runs on idealism.
    >Ponies primarily act on the world magically, while anon can only act on it physically
    >Everything he does gives them a sense of unease
22) >So guys, how does Evil Anon fare in Kinderquestria?
    >Kinderquestria's universal rules say that all evil meanies always lose, so Anon would end up becoming a generic Saturday Morning Cartoon-like villain, who despite of his resources, smartness and patientlt planned pattented plans, always will be defeated by the underdogs and do godders.
    >Ponies are captured by Evil Anon via sleeping gas
    >They are dressed like generic Evil Goons (TM) while they are asleep
    >After they wake up, the confused ponies look around trying to figure out what happened and where the heck are they now
    >They find a mirror, take a good look at it and see themselves wearing an evil minion outfit
    >"Oh, of course! I am an evil goon, why else would I be dressed like this?"
23) Anon is captured by Grogar's evil league and they want information from him
    >Villains have a very obvious evil lair
    >There's even a sign on it saying 'Evil Lair, Villains Only'
    Celestia and her soldiers know about the evil lair's whereabouts, but can't break in to arrest the bad guys because neither Celestia or her guards are villains, so they can't get inside.
   >Their evil lair is a giant couch fort
   >It's all made out of stolen couches, sofas and cushions
24) >Pinkie Pie is playing with the twins and asks Anon to join in the fun
    >Eh, why not
    >Anon walks closer to the Cake twins saying "Hey kids, look at me! Now you can see me..."
    >Anon covers his face with his hands
    >"Now you caaan't!"
    >The ponies gasp in shock
    >"A-anon? Where are you?"
25) >There's a secret cabal in Equestria dedicated to keeping ponies shit in line so civilization doesn't collapse.
    >Anon gets invited because of his exceptional babysitting skills.
    >The cabal is called the society of tard wranglers.
26) >Anon gets dragged to court for making an overeager journalist cry after he caught her trying to take photos of him through a window
    >immediately calls bullshit and lists off all the bullshit Celestia, Cadence, Shining, Discord Glimmer, M6 and the journo have gotten away with before being dragged to prison
    >airing everponys dirty laundry on what turned out to be a live broadcast of horse Judge-Judy started a revolution
    >equestria is now a democracy led by president Luna
    >Still in prison for cussing and staying up past his bedtime tho.
27) >Anon finds a job at Ponyville's new Starbucking Cafe shop
    >It's a nice job: the ponies are well behaved, the pay is decent and the work hours fly by quite fast
    >The only "buts" is that all coffees include tons of sugar, cream, caramel, ground chocolate and sweet sparkles
    >The other "but" is that all coffee is decaffeinated (because consuming Nervous System Stimulants for fun is a big "No-No" for well behaved ponies) and the buzz all ponies feel after drinking their orders comes from all the sugar Anon has to pour in each order
    >Unfortunately nopony told Anon, so one day he decided to use his own ground coffee for the day's orders
    >Not even five minutes pass after Anon's customers drink the first batch and suddenly all ponies start zooming around, scared as hell
    >"HAAAALP! I CAN'T STOP MYSELF!"
28) >Pre-Unification ponies were probably real fucking messed up and murderous. 
    >Any stories of the past are *heavily* censored to protect the innocent minds and only 'tough minded' beings were allowed any sliver of truth.
    >Then in comes Anon, a man familiar with such..."barbaric" histories.
    >Anonymous is only allowed to know because he already comes from such a harsh unrestricted society
    >Celestia and Luna assure him that they have everything under control, and ask him not to try to disturb things
    >not wanting to get punished by two demigods, Anon just kinda shrugs and goes along with it 
    >turns out Celestia and Luna are actually pretty cool to hang out with in private
    >around Anon they don’t have to constantly make themselves kid friendly or anything like that, so they enjoy reveling in stupid crass humor that they wouldn’t get to have fun with otherwise
29) >Ponies call Anon 'Dad' and Celestia 'Mom'
30) So if Celestia and Luna are mature does Chrysalis have the personality of an edgy (but not really) teenager? 
    Chrysalis is in that 'It's not a phase!' phase. 
31) >Anon brings his gaming system with him
    >What games do ponies play on it?
32) >stories have to be short and simple in kinderquestria otherwise ponies might find the plot too complicated or won't be able to pay attention for more that 20 pages.
    >All books are picture books

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>Tartarus is just one big time out box. With no nap or snack time.
>It's literally a box in some building dedicated to time-outs
>Tirek has not been in pony Hell for years and years
>He's just been sitting in the time-out corner for an hour or two and it FEELS like years for him

"Maybe the timeout box has some sort of magical time dilation so they can literally keep someone in their for years despite mere hours passing in the real world. "

>They say Luna turned into Nightmare Moon a thousand years ago
>In fact, it was actually last week, but ponies are polite enough to acknowledge how long the time dilation effect made their sentence last for out of sensitivity for Luna
>Everyone just pretends that the event happened 1000 years ago because that's how long Luna felt she was on the moon for
>Nopony pretends that 1000 years have actually passed since the Nightmare Moon incident and that they're now in the future, they just pretend that the Nightmare Moon affair happened 1000 years ago because that's how long it felt for Luna

>Celestia banishes meanie poos to The Moon.
>It's just a room painted as a moon landscape where bullies and mean people are locked for a couple of houres
>(Because more time would be too cruel)
>Luna was banished there during her Nightmare Moon stunt
>The shame of being sent to the Moon Room was so shameful that she quickly repented and felt ashamed during her whole exile
>All 120 minutes of them
>Ponykind cannot understand why Anon tried to force his way INTO the Moon Room once he was told about it
>Neither they can understand how he can refuse to walk outside whenever he is sent there for saying bad words and his timeout expires
>"Ah, shaddap you fuckin' sissies. This place is quiet and faggot-free"
>(Gasp!)
>"Two more hours of Moon Exile for you, Anon! We-we are so sorry, but this is for your own good and-"
>(Anon pumps his fist and happily marches to the Moon Room for another nap)
>"T-thanks godness he's on our side, sister of mine..."
>"Imagine the horrors he could unleash on us if he decided to be evil! Remember when Tirek tried to steal our magic and Anon p-PUNCHED him?"
>"And he said so many bad words at him!" 

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>Something 'bad' happens to Anon
>Anon just shrugs it off and goes about his day happily
>Ponies think he's in denial

>Ponies learn the definition of 'internalised oppression'

>Something "bad" happens to Anon.
>A pony forgets to greet him, his dessert is smaller than other ponies, he accidentally pricks himself with a thorn, some pony is sharing sugary treats and they run out just before it's Anon's turn to get one.
>Anon barely reacts to most of this.
>As much he says "Meh" or a laconic "Oh, well."
>Ponies everywhere think he is the toughest badbutt ever.
>Villains everywhere learn quick to avoid messing with him because Anon is a mean cheater who do not follows villain rules
The last guy who faced Anon and tried to launch a pre-battle villain monologue about how Anon was weak and he was so much better than him got his monologue interrupted via rock in a sock to the face
>That was so rude and mean

>>Anon is a mean cheater who do not follows villain rules
>mfw being a villain is like one huge LARP where everyone politely plays along so long as you follow the villain rules, which are just safety guidelines and dos and don'ts to make sure everyone doesn't really get hurt in your villainy.
>Want to rob a bank to fund your macguffin? No problem, just make sure you're polite about it and not scare the hostages.
>Want to use your newly acquired macguffin to take over the town? No problem, just make sure to keep it simple and clean, you don't want to really hurt anybody, you just want to rule, so you get all the pastries, no curfew and no one can put you in time out because you're calling the shots now!
>If any ponies try to stop you, they take the role of heroes. Fights boil down to slow wrestling until your opponent cries uncle.
>Lots of villains like this part, this is where you can have your super cool monologues where you try to convince the heroes to help you.
>Anon doesn't know about any of this while he's in town.
>"-And after I take over Ponyville, I will take over Canterlot! Mwuahahaha!"
>"Please, someone stop her!"
>"Heh, Anonymous, huh? Not one more step, I have an enchanted staff that sprays water! You wouldn't want to have all those clothes drenched in the middle of town right? You might even... catch a cold."
>*gasp*

>Anon breaks Hero and Villain rules all the damn time. 
>He never waits for the Villain's turn, he always goes ahead of other Hero's to do what he wants and what he wants to do just might make him look like a villain too.
>Despite protests from the other ponies about the 'dangerous hyooman', Twilight firmly believes he was exactly the kind of hero they were searching for. The one they DESERVED, not what they wanted.
>A Dark Knight..

>Twilight forgot to invite Anon - whose name was not in the documents of Ponyville's residents, which had not been updated since before he arrived - and feels terrible about it
>Anon wakes up the next morning to a crying Twilight at his door, offering him a slice of cake on a paper plate

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>Ponies enjoy a bonfire at night
>Anon is also there because hey, free cocoa and roasted marshmallows? Fuck yeah.
>Rainbow Dash decides to make this bonfire way cooler by sharing scary stories
>Like that super scary story about when she forgot to take her homework to school!
>Gasp!
>Or that other story where she forgot to study for a test!
>Twilight faints
>Fluttershy puffs her chest and quielty adds her own story about that time where she was outside of her house and suddenly couldn't remember if her stove was still on or not.
>Gasp and regasp!
>Applejack grits her teeth and quickly tells everyone about that time she... she found a worm in one of her apples.
>Brrrr!
>Anon finishes eating the roasted marshmallos and sighs
>"You are all a bunch of faggots. Let me tell you that story about the monster under the bed. All the beds."
>Later, Luna had to work overtime to purge the following nightmares from everyone's minds

Do you think outsiders like Anon would eventually become used to the relatively low stakes of Kinderquestria life and adjust their perspectives accordingly? Given enough time where the scariest thing you have to deal with is a mealy apple... 

For story's sake, I think Anon is always overprepared and overqualified to endure anything Kinderequestria can throw at him. 

It'd probably take a normal Anon quite a while to get used to a world where the words 'very deadly injury' just means a scraped knee or two. Maybe even more than a year before he doesn't have Plan "Kill The THing Quickly' whenever he hears that a monster snuck into town only to find out it's an overgrown chicken giving mean looks. 

>It's taken months of close calls, accidental scares and a few stern lectures from the Princess of the Sun herself but Anon thinks he's adjusted to this weird, new life pretty fine.
>He doesn't curse (as bad) and tones down the many stories he gets asked to tell about Earth.
>One day, he thought it'd be fun to tell some children's stories because no one's ever asked for that before! It boggled him on why though..
>...
>OK, so, turns out children's stories (even the new, heavily censored versions) can be pretty fucked up.
>He's pretty sure at least one pony fainted at Red Riding Hood...and the rest were wide eyed at the Three Little Pigs.
>He should've figured that ponies would be freaked out by wolves if the Everfree was of any hint but he didn't even tell the ORIGINALS where the wolf clearly wanted to eat the main characters!
>(The original Red Riding Hood even had the wolf eat Granny AND Hood! Fucker died too).
>Even trying to tell Cinderella got a few tears because of how mean the Step Mother and Sisters were but it was just a BIT more well received. Especially since it had a happy ending that didn't have some level of violence.
>As little that he had let in...
>Thankfully, no one's mad about his new stories.
>They were less horror and more dramatic this time! Such well written master pieces that tugged at the heart strings and made you worry for the main characters before they finally won.
>Meanwhile, Anon's just face palming and shaking his head. Something about 'this fucking place'.

>Anon tells kiddy stories for shits and giggles.
>Suddenly is a high paid story teller for his 'epic tales'.
"This fucking place..." 

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>Anon is a banker in a little out of the way town
>One day some ponies come in with squirt guns trying to rob the place
>Anon just confiscates their water guns
>He gets awarded a metal for bravery 

>don't you mean medal of bravery?
>Nope. Ponies thought anon was metal as fuck.
>Didn't even care if he got wet saving everyone.

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>Anon goes in for a checkup at the doctor
>Everypony keeps telling him how brave he is 

>Nurse Readheart announces with teary eyes she needs to inject Anon with antibiotics to cure his throat infection
>All ponies gasp in horror
>Redheart prepares the injection but can't summon the courage to prick Anon's butt with it
>"Oh, for fuck's sake. Gimme here"
>Anon stabs himself in the ass with the antibiotics
>"Sonofabitch, that hurt like dick. Whatever, I'm good now, Nurse Re-"
>The entire hospital ward has fainted after seeing Anon take the whole needle by himself
>"Fucking ponies."
>Anon spends the rest of the evening carrying fainted ponies to hospital beds and taking care of them until they wake up
>"This fucking place"
>Weeks later, the legend of Anon, the Man Without Fear Of Needles spreads around and no monsters ever dare to get close to Ponyville
>"Dude, seriously don't go there. I heard they have a badbutt guardian there who isn't afraid of needles."
>"No way!"
>"Yes way. In fact, I heard he stabs himself with needles and then carries ponies around as if nothing"
>"NOWAI!" 

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>Big, bad villains of the week are -really- toned down from what they usually are in the show.
>Each one gets sent to a super, uber 'prison' where all 'super bad people' go to.
>It's just a glorified AA meeting/group therapy session.
>Anon ends up finding himself there because when he first arrived, he..somewhat freaked out.
>A -lot- of cursing, property damage and a princess flung through the door later (don't worry, the door was open but she DID almost get an owie), and a captured Anon was hauled away.
>After a stern but gentle lecture. 
>Now, among the worst Equestria has ever seen, he was getting some weird looks.
>Apparently, in this version of pony land, even -The- biggest of bads didn't break a lot of shit and flung princesses around.
>Talk about one hell of a way to get a reputation...

>Anon is sent to pony prison for punching Celestia's snout
>On hindsight, Celestia admits that jumping inside of Anon's cottage in the middle of the night to ask him if he had made any friends yet wasnt a good idea
>But rules are rules, and the ponyshment for punchicide is a couple weeks on prison
>The guards take Anon to the deepest floors of the prison, where the worst meanies of all are locked in
>Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek, Grogar, the FlimFlam brothers, etc
>They all laugh and clap because they got a new inmate and that means a fresh victim to bully
>"I'm going to spit in your breakfast cereal!
>I'm going to flush the toilet while you are in the shower!"
>"I'm going to steal your fruit cups! Hahaha!"
>I WILL SPOIL YOU THE MOVIES DURING MOVIE MONDAYS!"
>"Hahaha, what a dork! Hey, what's your name anyway, dorkface?"
>"Anon"
>"..."
>"..."
>"..."
>"THE Anon?"
>"The one who is here for p-p-punching Celestia's snootie?"
>"..."
>"..."
>"I-it's a pleasure you have you in here to give some category to this poo hole, sir"
>"I-if you need something just ask"
>"You are an inspiration, sir"
>"SHADDAP, SHITHEADS!"
>"Yes, sir"
>"Yes, sir"
>"Yes, sir"
>"Yes, sir"
>"C-can I be your girlfriend?"
>"THIS FUCKING PLACE"

>"C-can I be your girlfriend?"
I like to imagine Sombra said this. 

>prison bitch Sombra
>big scary king in a cheerleader outfit plus skirt
My dick is painfully confused yet aroused 

>Not two seconds in prison and Anon already gets a prison bitch.
>Just...not who he was expecting.
>"Are you going to finish your crystals?"
"..this fucking place.." 

>Anon calls it 'Prison Bitch' much to the chagrin of Sombra and Guards alike
>It's more like 'Super Best Friend That Might Be Crushing On You' but Anon sees it as it is.
>He just got a prison bitch...
>..and it just had to be the gayest ass villain he's ever seen.
>Dude keeps trying to get attention to be petted, tries to include Anon in his 'grand schemes' and so on and so forth.
>Sombra's honestly excited for something so new.
>Anon's just tired of Ponyland.
>And Cadance? 
>Poor poner has no clue what to do over this...'thing' that says it's Match Made Love...

>Sombra finding 'love' as Anon tries to 'Nope' out of everything to do with it. 
kek 

>Whenever Anon does something, even if it's just taking a shit. Sombra is there to cheer him on like a cheerleader.

"...why and how do you have a cheer-leading outfit?"
>"Uhhmmm...Crystals?"
"..this fucking place, I swear.." 

>Sombra gets out of prison on account of good behavior
>Sombra visits Anon every day promising that he will wait for him so that they can do villain stuff together

>Grogar is the only one in their who Anon actually gets along with
>Makes sense considering Grogar has a reputation as being as bad if not worse than Anon
>He stole 50 cakes
>50
>That's as many as 5 tens, and that's really awful
>Worse still he refused to give them back, even after they said please
>To top it off he actually ate the cakes in front of them and didn't even use a plate

>And after they get out of prison, they form the society of nefarious deeds, essentially it's like the guild of calamitous intent from the venture bros.

>Due to some..odd circumstances, Anon and Celestia end up going to jail together.
>Something about her breaking a window and something about him screaming and punching her snoot.
>In hindsight, she thought it was HILARIOUS but her little ponies were horrified when both the ALIEN and their PRINCESS broke laws at the same time.
>In order to calm them down and show that even Royalty must follow the rules, she allows herself to be sentenced to jail.
>..by Luna, who highly appreciated the irony and poetic justice.
>Meanwhile, Anon just goes because 'fuck it, let's see where this go'. It was better than having his window broken again.

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>spike being a common customer at anons place
>spike and anon becoming close friends
>spike even using anons bad words on occasion
i like this mental image 

>Spike imitates Anon and uses some horribly rude bad words during his conversations
>Spike really has no idea about what they mean, he just thinks they sound cool
>Twilight faints whenever lunch is ready and Spike announces it as "GRUB'S READY, MOTHERFUCKER!"
>Rainbow Dash flies really fast around him to not give him enough time to spot her and say "Hey, Crusty Cunt!" as a greeting
>Rarity hyperventilates whenever Spike describes her as "Winky Coochips" when they are digging for gems
>He greeted Celestia using the words "Princess Suncunt" during a very important rulers summit that made all world leaders gasp and shake while Celestia's white coat turned red
>Ironically, Spike's horribly inapropiate behavior made all world leaders agree with Celestia's conditions about accepting Tiramisu as one of Equestria's natural resources so they could finish the meeting and flee before the little drake could spew out other rude bomb like that
>All other ponies aren't faring any better, they are all horribly ashamed and unconfortable around Spike because they are 100% aware the little drake has no idea of what is he really saying, but they know, so Spike's innocence compared to their knowdeledge of forbidden words makes them all feel dirty
>The only person who feels a bit less uncomfortable around Spike is Ember, because her friend's horribly potty mouth absolutely destroys other dragons when they try to bully him
>She still chuckles when she remembers that one time when Garble tried to mock Spike for living among sissy ponies and Spike countered by claiming that at least he wasn't a gayass dragon dickslurper like Groyle
>Spike really didn't understand why Groyle began shaking and stuttered about how Spike was wrong because he was hetero, the most hetero dragon ever before flying away, redder than ever and trying to hold his tears back, but hey, at least that made him stop bullying him for good

>Spike is visiting Zecora with Twilight
>He opens the door
>"Hey zigger"
>Twilight and Zecora just stare at him
>Twilight turns from a shade of purple to red
>Zecora fucking yeets Spike out the door

>"Oh, little dragon,
>just don't imitate Anon.
>I know he's a good dude,
>but my gosh... his atitude!"

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>Spike invites Anon to an exciting sports event
>"Gee, lemme guess. X-Treme Knitting?"
>"What? No, it's a boxing match."
>"BOXING? IN THIS WEENIE PLACE?"
>"Yup! I'm a huge boxing fan! Only the biggest, strongest and manliest men are allowed to Box!"
>"Whoa"
>You know, Anon... someday I wish to be a pro Boxer too!"
>Anon happily accepts Spike's invitation, thrilled for FINALLY getting to watch something manly in this kiddy place
>That evening (because night time is for beddy bed time) the duo walks into a big tent full of manly, rugged-like people watching two big and hairy minotaurs boxing in a ring
>Boxing, as in quickly sorting stuff to put it inside of a box
>The rugged audience is fascinated by this manly display of neatness and organization
>Spike is taking notes
>Anon faintly sobs
>"This fucking place..." 

> Sockem Boppem
> A sport so violent, so reprehenisible, it is constantly in threat of being banned.
> But the long history behind the inflatable punching sport keeps its legacy afloat.
> After all, if they made it illegal, it wouldn't go away.
> It'd just go underground, where it'd be impossible to keep cheaters from evil tactics.
> Like underinflated Sockem Boppers, which could lead to SERIOUS bruising.

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>Spike is being bullied by Groyle and his gang
>As in, he's snacking on Spike's snacks without his permission
>Rude
>Anon sighs and once again goes to the rescue
>But Groyle just chuckles because Anon's bad words do not affect him as much as before, so once he's done eating spike's snacks he's going to bully Anon too
>He's going to poke him with his pointy claw until Anon cries or something and there's nothing he can do to avoid it
>Anon just sighs and asks Spike to close his eyes
>Then he picks his nose and plants a juicy, yellow booger right on Groyle's nose
>"EEEEEEEEWWW!"
>"HUMAN, WHAT THE HECK?! GROSS, GROSS, GROSS!"
>Groyle flies away, grossed out as heck while his dragon pals try really hard to not puke while they follow him
>"A-Anon? Can I open my eyes now?"
>"Yeah, you do that"
>"Sigh"
>"This fucking place." 

>Anon is into Ember
>He wants to lay the dragon and leave the princess behind
>All that degenerate stuff
>Though he reckons he doesn't have much of a chance
>She's said that dragon's get attention amongst their kind through feats of strength
>She can lift and crush boulder like Maud crushes melons between her thighs
>One day when Ember comes to visit for diplomatic reasons she brings Garble along to make him make friends
>Anon expects to have to fend him off with bad words or a water pistol
>He's surprised and angered to see Garble actually being a legitimate dick
>Still nothing like back on Earth
>But when you spend the better part of a year in a place where balloons are nearly banned for being too loud minor shit starts to annoy you
>Garble does things like mixing up two or three books right next to each other right in front of Spike and not apologising
>Or eating all the snacks Spike prepares without saying thank you or leaving any for anyone else
>With Spike's complaining, Garble's annoying voice, Twilight trying to give a friendship speech, on top of the fact he can't wack one off since he has to be present to welcome Ember Anon's had enough
>He picks up a book and hurls it full power directly at Garble's head
>As Garble runs off crying at the "human bully" Twilight begins to hyperventilate as she worries that Ember's gonna declare war for such an unprecedented amount of violence
>Meanwhile Anon just stomps off, still pissed off and pent up
>Finally there's Ember
>Who has, for the first time, felt what it's like to be both scared and aroused at the same time

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>Ponies need sugar to live
>Anon doesn't (at least not to the same extent)
>One year there's a sugar shortage and sugar starts getting rationed
>Anon gives his rationing to ponies that need it the most 

>Anon is having brunch with a few ponies
>It's the lest they could do after he chased away that nasty hornet who (probably) could have stung ponies
>As usual, Anon is having coffee
>A pony offers him some sugar cubes but Anon pilitely refuses, arguing he likes his coffee black and bitter
>The entire table goes silient
>Anon sighs and explains this way the coffee can wake him up faster
>More awkward silence
>Anon sighs and adds a ton of jam to his bread arguing he likes it's sweet flavor
>The table quickly goes lively again, except whenever Anon sips his coffee and all ponies cringe
>After the brunch is over and the cups are washed, a pony tries to drink the last coffee from the pot without adding sugar to see how it tastes
>All other ponies gasp as the black liquid goes down her throat and she immediately goes teary eyed
>"I made a tewwible chioceeeewww!"

>Ponies see Anon eating something that's poisonous to them
>Extremely worried for him

>Ponies see Anon smoking a cig
>They immediately freak out and drench him with an entire cloud because they thought his mouth was burning
>After Anon gives them the obligatory bad word tsunami he explains to them he was just smoking a few rolled tobacco leaves
>"GASP!"
>"But Anon, tobacco is... bad for your health!"
>Anon is enrolled against his will on an anti smoking seminar

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

>Anon asks the ponies where babies come from
>Ponies just stare at him as if he had asked the dumbest question ever
>"Babies are delivered by storks, of course!" says Twilight. "It's elementary knowdeledge, Anon."
>"When a mare and a stallion love each other a lot, they marry and live together. And when their love grows a lot more, one day a white stork swoops down and delives them a baby so they could be a mama and a papa."
>Twilight shows Anon a book describing with incredible accuracy the baby delivering storks, and the steps the pony couple must take to specify the kind of baby they want
>Anon returns to his hut thinking of how appropiate is to have sexless reproduction for a place full to the brim with sissies like Equestria
>Suddenly he notices a white stork flying closer and closer to him
>Anon picks a rock
>"Oh no. Don't you ever dare, motherfucker"
>The stork changes direction and flies away
>Anon drops the rock and continues walking to his hut
>"This fucking place."

>it's a conspiracy and the stork actually brings detailed instructions on how to make babies that the ponies must destroy after reading
>strictly prohibits anything besides missionary position with the lights off and both eyes closed as the choo choo train enters the cave until the gravy spills out.

How do kinder ponys even have children? Who teaches them about the birds and the bees? Can they even comprehend something like that? 

It is common knowledge in Equestria that the stork brings babies. But in reality when two parents want to have a baby they are sworn to secrecy and the stork actually brings instructions on the real way to make a baby. But there are rules. They are told how to have sex but they must both close their eyes and make the choo choo train go into the tunnel until the gravy spills out so to speak. And they can't open their eyes until they are done. 

Does the stork help deliver the foals too or is every maternity ward nurse thoroughly vetted and sworn to a vow of silence? 

Yes, the maternity ward is sworn to secrecy. Ponies take secret keeping very seriously. You don't want to be known as the pony who can't keep a secret. 

>TFW receive a tiny crib on doorstep at least once a week
>Inside the basket are death threats to Anon
>Says he knows to much and if he squeals, he will never be heard from again
>One day Anon goes on a walk in the park
>A stork in a nearby pond gives him a wide eyed death stare and puts its wing up to its mouth in a shushing motion
>Every now and then Anon will find white bird feathers in random places in his house
>Anytime anypony mentions anything about babys Anon tenses up, and gets the fuck out of there as soon as possible

>death threats
No no no, any threats Anon gets is him misinterpreting them. They aren't death threats. When it says that they're going to put him down for a nice long nap or that he better get ready for the big sleep they actually mean they're going to make him go to bed early if he blabs. 

It’d be funny if the storks were the only thing in Kinderquestria that are actually somewhat hardcore.

>for countless millennia, the storks have been responsible preserving family values and sexual purity in Equestria
>they take their jobs VERY seriously
>they will only teach a couple how to have sex if they’re married, genuinely love each other and genuinely want to have foals 
>they only sex to happen in designated ‘love rooms’ in hospitals
>prostitution does not exist, porn does not exist, pre-marital sex does not exist, sex solely for pleasure does not exist, masturbation does not exist, and anytime it looks like somepony might accidentally stumble their way into discovering one of these things the storks pull a Men In Black to make them forget what they were doing.
>naturally Anon does not know any of this and just thinks ponies are very committed to preserving their children’s innocence whenever they mention the stork
>it isn’t until Anon gets into a relationship with a mare and tries to suggest the idea of having sex through innuendo that he realizes something’s up
>it all just goes over his marefriend’s head and she’s genuinely confused about what he’s trying to say 
>he doesn’t immediately think ‘Stork Conspiracy’ though.
>maybe her parents were just overprotective?
>he teaches his marefriend sex the human way and they end up having a good time until the stork busts into their house right as they reach orgasm
>Anon is knocked unconscious, only to wake up tied to a chair with angry storks surrounding him



━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

>Celestia summons Anon to Canterlot to discusss a matter of supereme urgency
>Anon squee in excitement at the idea of being summoned to bash a bad guy
>Once he's there, Celestia solemny ask him to solve the mistery of who has been eating her royal cake
>Because as it's name implies, it's a cake that only the royal ponies can eat
>Isn't even better or different than the cake everyone eats, but it feels nice to add the "Royal" name on it
>Celestia then asks Anon why is he crying and clenching his fists
>This fucking place 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

>Anon is traveling in train with Twi and company
>Suddenly the train makes an emergency stop because there's a log in the rails
>A very scared pony peeks out of the windows and immediately shrieks about how they are about to be attacked by bandits
>Indeed, a group of very rugged looking ponies wearing berets and domino masks aboard the train
>Anon beams because this means he will get a chance to kick some ass to save the scared ponies
>He prepares himself to start punching and kicking the moment the bandits draw a weapon
>The bandits open a big sack and politely ask the passengers to please deposit their valuables there
>Wat
>The scared ponies quickly comply, because they can't refuse a polite request
>What
>"Hey, fags"
>This produces the usual gasping sounds by shocked ponies
>"Can you just not rob us? Only dickmunching faggots steal from others."
>The bandits look at each other, uncomfortable by this turn of events
>"Or are you all a bunch of dickloving thieves, buddys? Don't lie to me, because only gaylords lie as well."
>The bandits awkwardly return the stolen loot, arguing they are very hetero and manly, their victims nod and even hug them to comfort them from Anon's rude words
>This fucking place. 

>"Could you please put your valuables into the bag?"
"Could you please not rob us?"
>"Okay."

The pony robbers can counter this by reminding their victims that they asked first.
The only way to avoid being robbed is by asking the robbers to not rob them BEFORE they ask you to please give them your valuables, but since the only polite way to do this is by asking it face to face, the robbers counter it by avoiding making eye contact to prevent their victims to start the conversation. 

>Anon pulls out a delcious-looking cupcake. 
>"Any pony who does not comply with these faggot bandits gets the best from Sugarcube Corner." 
>the ponies have never faced such a terrible choice. Most faint.

Counterpoint:
Dad voice.
>"And just WHAT would your mothers say if they caught you doing this?"
"But my momma is right over he-
>"No backtalking. Now you have until the count of three to give these ponies back their things."
>"One."
>[Panicked horse sounds]

"Two."
>the more defiant bandits start to sweat and shake

"Go to your rooms!" 

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>Ponies need their nap after lunch to get through the rest of the day
>Usually they take the nap wherever they currently are (at home, work, etc)
>Aach day during this time Anon goes around the town petting all the ponies and scratching their ears
>They always start to smile in their sleep and wake up a lot more relaxed whenver anon does this
>Ponies never understand why because all of them are sleep while it happens

>On his rounds though the park.
>A mare sleeping on her side on a bench gave anon an opportunity he's never had before.
>So anon sneaks up and "pets her belly"
>She scrunches lightly in her sleep, and actually rolls over on her back, giving him full access as her hind legs give little kicks.
>The unthinkable happens. She wakes up.
>Now anon has a little mare fallowing him all around angry, nearly tearfully insisting "Were married now"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

>Anon is the toughest, most hardcore creature in all of Equestria
>Many ponys are in awe of him
>Especially a certain rainbow maned pony
>Rainbow Dash is obsessed with impressing Anon
>She is always performing tricks mid air and bragging about her achievements in order to get a reaction out of this tough as nails human
>At first it started out as proving to Anon that she was his equal if not better than him, but slowly she began to enjoy hanging out and performing for Anon
>Rainbow slowly began to emulate Anons life style, or at least she tried
>Rainbow would try her best to suppress her tears whenever she got an "owie" in front of Anon 
>She would also skip official designated nap times with Anon as well
>However more often than not she would fall asleep anyways and find herself napping on Anons lap
>Rainbow had even started to eat those nasty green "vegetables" that she would find on her plate every now and then
>of course that was only if she was eating food around Anon
>Acting like a tough pony with Anon was actually kinda fun
>Anon must have been impressed with her strength and determination because now he carries her around in a front chest harness
>Kind of like how a noble night pony rides on the back of a fearsome dragon in fairy tales when you think about it
>This was definitely a sign of Anon acknowledging Rainbow as his equal and best friend
>Together the two were an unstoppable team of friendship, justice, and awesomeness

>Be Anon
>You had just had a wonderful idea
>If you carry Rainbow Dash around in a baby carrier she cant hurt herself/someone else performing her air loop de loops
>She also tends to fall asleep when you carry her around like this which means you can sit down and enjoy reading your book as soon as she does
>Having to babysit Dash was starting to get kinda tiring, but at least she made cute noises while she slept, and that never failed to put a smile on your face
https://derpibooru.org/1314384

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>Manticores just lick ponies
>Cockatrices don't actually turn anyone to stone they just glare at them
>Timberwolves are basically just big dogs

>the cockatrices make the ponies freeze because their glaring terrifies them like those fainting goats that freeze when they're scared
>monsters don't actually eat ponies, they just take them to their place which terrifies ponies because they're in a strangers house
>dragons aren't really that aggressive, they just have the attitude of bratty 2nd graders

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>Kinderquestria bandits

>Ponies use confectioneries as weapons
>After all it's not easy to get sticky, sugary goods out of one's fur

>the crime is much more severe depending on how hard it is to get a stain out.

>>Kinderquestria bandits
>Anon walks around
>"Now lookit what we have 'ere, you walked into the wrong alley bub."
>"Give us all yer bits."
"What? No!"
>"No? Wattaya mean no!? Ya think we're bluffin mister? We're the ruthless Anthill gang, do ya want us to shove ya down?"
>Anon can only look at these little ragamuffins trying to accost him without a hint of fear.
"Heh, I want you to try."
>"..."
>After a stare match they back down
"You give me all your bits."
>"W-What!?"
"You little bastards have 3 seconds before I bloody your lip."
>[Knuckle cracking intensifies]
>"Okay okay, just please don't! Chuggabug, give 'em the loot."
>A little pone with a stylishly unkempt coat and mane drops a bag of bits at his feet
"Aren't you a cute little mare."
>Anon boops her snootle to the horror of the gang.
>Anon leaves with his ill gotten gains whistling a tune.
>Word quickly spreads of the gang's failure and of a new, way more ruthless bandit.
>Not only did he face down a pack of bandits by himself, he actually mugged the muggers and also did the unspeakable and forced himself on one of the mares, right in front of the rest of the gang.

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>Anon uses a permanent marker pen to draw a moustache on a mare
>Anon goes to jail but the mare must now live her life as a stallion
>For him to leave pone prison, he must undo the dark spell he casted
>He can't convince anyone he isn't some evil wizard who gender-switched the poor pony, not even the mare herself

>Ponies obey signs
>Put a hug me sign hanging around someone's neck and ponies will start hugging you, no questions asked

>Huge evil army marches to Equestria
>Ponies freak out because they don't know what to do
>Anon sighs
>Anon just walks to the evil army and plants a "Please keep off the grass" sign in front of it
>The evil guys notice the sign, then look around
>There's grass fucking everywhere
>"Well... so that's that, we guess."
>The evil army turns around and marches away 

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>Anon puts on a show where he talks to himself while constantly switching outfits (read:putting on a hat and glasses)
>Ponies think there are actually two humans

>And this is somewhat VERY close to how Changelings actually work in Kinderquestria, with just a smidge bit of magic added to help.
>And thus, a changeling hiding out in the same town as Anon gets to witness his marvelous 'changing'. It figures out quick what he was doing!
>...
>Not only can he disguise himself, he can apparently DOUBLE too!
>...
>Never said they figured it out all the way.
>Nevertheless, this little drone decides to relay this information back to the hive queen (whether that's Chrysalis or some other crazy ass bug) and promptly receives..mixed reactions.
>On the one hand, Anon could be a potential Changling/Changing King showing off his powers or hiding to gather love for himself. 
>On the other, he could easily be a rival species, threatening the changelings 'food source'.
>Either way, things would get quite interesting as more and more changelings visit the pony town to observe the strange human 
>A rousing conversation is all they ever see.
>And he kept calling himself a..."faggot". Whatever THAT was.

>Changelings just spying on Anon doing his stupid 'show'.
>Some even take notes frantically.
>"WRITE THAT DOWN, WRITE THAT DOWN!"

>Ponies can't actually tell who is who on Nightmare Night, they can only see what they're dressed up as 

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>Rape in Kinderquestria
>Rapist ponies quietly sneak into their victim's houses and carefully slip in their beds to sleep with them without their consent
>They just sleep, and then escape before their victims wake up
>Also, some rapist stallions use ropes to tie up their victims
>They tie a loose piece of rope around one of their victim's legs, while they chuckle and grin
>The rope is just tied around one leg and the knot is a simple knot that can be undone with a tug
>Rapist ponies also use violence
>They poke their victim's sides with one hoof and in extreme cases they give them a soft headbutt on the side to assert their dominance
>Rapist ponies also use rude words to humilliate their victims
>They call them "Doo-doo heads" and such, trying their hardest to not blush alongside their confused victims
>One fatal day, a rapist stallion, with a record of sleeping with dozens of helpless mares, decided to brag about his eeeevil acts in front of Anon
>A swift kick to his ponyballs and a violent punch to the snout later, a furious Anon mumbled into his ear what >"Rape" is on Earth
>The ex rapist stallion now runs a soup kitchen, trying his best to do as much good he can so he could never, ever be considered the same kind of horrendous monster that Anon told him about

>Anon is tight lipped about the subject and the ex-"rapist" refuses to repeat what has been said.
>He only says that it was something far, far worse than what they considered 'rape'. Hell, something far worse than what they considered horrible in the first place!
>There are similar ex-criminal ponies out there who stopped their misdeeds because the human became offended and "explained things"..often with a violent outburst.
>A "murderer" quickly stopped forcing ponies to play dead, a "thief" stopped borrowing and returning things without permission or returning them late and a "pimp" stopped making his mares give out kisses and hugs for money just to name a few..
>All involved keep a tight lip and almost all go work for charities and other such organisations while publicly apologizing for what they did.
>While the Princesses are extatic that their little ponies are behaving better, they just wished Anon was less violent about his ways..
>..and they pondered the horrors that he must've seen to be able to make the most hardened criminals buckle down and cry from, just the slightest reference to his world.
>It makes them shudder to think such a world exists where cuddling someone without permission is FAR from the worst thing you can do.

>It wasn't like Anon was traumatized or hurt or whatever.
>Nah, just real damn tired of living with these colorful pony adults that acted like 5 year olds trying to reenact some shitty episode of Law and Order any time someone said 'HECK'.
>Earth WOULD seen like hell to such an innocent world, however, no matter how Anon tried to sugar coat it.
"Er, no, I didn't go to the ER over a scraped knee...and yes, I was a kid."
"Nonono, I PROMISE it was nothing. Every kid had to get their cavities filled at some point in their lives...what do you mean 'what are cavities'?"
"Officer, all I did was pat her head and said 'thank you for helping me'..what do you mean I "raped" her?! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS, HERE'S WHAT IT MEANS FUCKE-"
>...
>So yeah..Earth wasn't a bad place for Anon but he's come to the conclusion the less he says the better. He didn't need to pay for anyone else's therapy anymore.

>You try essentially babysitting a town's worth of kindergartners whenever you have to get on with your day!
>For a bunch of kiddish pones, they sure got in trouble a lot. 
>If it wasn't for the weird ass kiddy nature of everything, the little shits would've been axed ages ago.
>The worst villains they have to deal with just pull mean ass pranks or threaten to steal all the pudding for themselves, so a swift kick to the butt usual stopped such shenanigans. 
>Unknown to Anon during his travels of finding a place 'not ran like a god damn elementary school', he's treated like some sort of..folk hero. 
>Or Monster.
>Depends on who tells the story, to be fair.
>With his rude-ish behavior towards misbehaving ponies and how swiftly he handles 'baddies', word quickly spread about our dear, green loving fucker.

>Folk Tale/Cryptic Anon with "rare" sightings.
>Except ponies think 5 minutes is a horribly long time (especially for timeouts) so it's more like he just goes to the next town and ponies freak about not seeing him for a while.
>He doesn't realize he's much of a so called 'legend' until the next time he stops in a little village and gets slack jawed poners staring at the Punisher of Bad Pones...
>..guess yelling at a few little shits got him a reputation.

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>Anon forgot to leave a tip for the waitress 

>Gets on Equestria's Most Wanted list 

>This is treated no so much as a problem for Anon but for the -waitress-.
>Why did the alien not tip?
>Did she not do good enough?
>Was the service sub-par?
>Did she say something mean by accident?
>And what of the others? They SAW that he didn't leave a single bit as a tip.
>Do they think she's a bad pony?
>In truth, Anon merely forgot and even complimented the service.
>It severely confuses the lil pones then when they realize the one serving him got no tip.
>Did he lie? Of course not, he was just in a hurry.
>But now a whole restaurant had to figure out what to do with a scared waitress that had no idea what she had done that was so bad to not even get a SINGULAR bit from the guy.

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>that image
>Human is anti-magic
>Every creatures have magic inside them
>No magic is a dead body
>Pony neii when they can't find anon

>No magic is a dead body.
>Anon is considered a fucking CORPSE near child like pones.
>Friendly, sure, but it's like if a zombie walked up to you and asked how the weather was...

>Talking to Anon never seemed to be an arduous task for most, he was even quite pleasant (much to the surprise of himself, strangely enough). 
>However, there was one catch when it came to talking with him.
>No matter how you slice it, he felt...dead. Gone. Something that should've been buried ages ago.
>Sure, he looked about as fresh as any other living creature and he even ate and drank like one too.
>But to a run of the mill pony? Dead guy.
>He just couldn't seem to help but give off this weird feeling to ponies due to his lack of magic. It was like a constant dread, like when you know the reason why granny was quiet in bed and hadn't woken up yet.
>Put simply, it was awful. Here he was, probably the friendliest alien-thing around and his best friends have to fight back tears and scared whinnies because of the feeling that he was CLEARLY dead. 
>But right there he was...
>Until he left to go do something, that is.
>No one ever knows if he'll come back from something OK or if someone was dragging his corpse back from the Everfree..

>There is an Idea of an Anon...
>Some kind of abstraction
>But there is no real Anon.
>Only an entity, something illusory
>And though he can hide his cold gaze, and you can shake his hoof, err hand, and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can sense your lifestyles are probably comparable,
>He simply is not there.


>Anon’s lack of magic, in addition to making him generally creepy to be around to the magic-sensitive ponies despite his friendly demeanor, also makes him undefeatable at Equestria’s national sport 
>Hide & Seek
>Sure his size is enough of a disadvantage to sort of balance it out, but professional Seekers rely on training their magic senses to their absolute limits
>and you can’t sense what was never there to begin with
>Anon carves our a career in Kinderquestria as a sports superstar

>Hide and Seek with anon is the Equestrian equivalent to a LARP version of "Slender".

>Ponies aren't childlike mentally, Equestria actually works like that.
>As Earth runs on physics, Equestria runs on idealism.
>Ponies primarily act on the world magically, while anon can only act on it physically
>Everything he does gives them a sense of unease
>Like when someone smiles with their mouth but not their eyes
>The way t he grass doesn't spring back up when he walks
>The way the doors always creak when he pushes them open
>How he never breaks into song during celebrations
>His touch is warm, yet cold at the same time (magically clammy)
>Nopony can feel the friendship coming from him
>Rainbow has a theory that he's a lich

For the last time Twilight I'm not a philosophical zombie
>But you miss the mark, a being unknowable bound by arcane curse to suffer forever!
No, that just makes me undead, the whole point of a philosophical zombie is that you can't tell they're a philosophical zombie
>cooooome on
>Twiggles pouts, flopping down and onto the couch, hooves flailing in a still dainty temper tantrum
>I Wana publish philosophy...
Well sweetie you can just publish your findings in biology right pumpkin?
>I don't Wana. She pouts agian throwing a pillow over her face
>You swear some days it was hard living with these pony's
>At least the sex was good
>What, you're a pedophile this is primo shit right here 

>Anon is anti-magic, apparently "feels" like a corpse and is apparently fated to "destroy" or "Change" something in Equestria.
>The fortune teller wasn't sure and couldn't translate the future correctly with how hard they were shaking, their bubble pipe blowing like mad as they puffed on it..
>This wasn't calming at all..it just made the room a mess.
>"I-it's OK...surely this will be a..NICE undead alien with the potential to overthrow us all...right?"
>Cue decades passing before a very confused Anon appears before a very terrified Celestia having tea and cake..
>The Destroyer has come and he was going to start the Royal Cake!
>...
"..you gonna finish that?" 

>TFW Undead Alien Thing has no idea what to do either so you both awkwardly eat cake together.

>Anon doesn't say 'My complements to the chef' or 'Please and Thank You'
>Truly a horrifying monster has been unleashed upon Equestria

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>Land in Equestria somehow
>immediately notice that besides all the talking animals, the majority of them, including the dangerous looking ones, have the mental capacity of a small child
>Inner sense of Megalomania begins to form you didn't know you could muster
>With your superior intellect, you embark on your mission to do what none of the other villains on this version of Earth managed to accomplish
>Whether by Bribery, Trickery, or Violence You set out to become Equestria's most feared Tyrannical Overlord
So guys, how does Evil Anon fare in Kinderquestria? 

>So guys, how does Evil Anon fare in Kinderquestria?
Kinderquestria's universal rules say that all evil meanies always lose, so Anon would end up becoming a generic Saturday Morning Cartoon-like villain, who despite of his resources, smartness and patientlt planned pattented plans, always will be defeated by the underdogs and do godders.
Always. 

I would love to see an edgy evil Anon start to go crazy over always losing no matter what and start acting more and more like a saturday morning cartoon villain in kiddiequestria. 

It's alright. Anon can be a recurring villain, perhaps even one of those "you won the battle, but the war is far from over" villains that the heroes can never defeat completely, or just one that always escapes in the end.
He shall be the shadow to heroes' light, creating opportunities for them to be heroic and serving as something everyone put aside their differences and unite against — a force of good in evil disguise.
And deep down Anon knows — he wouldn't want it any other way.


>A couple months have passed since arrival in Kinderquestria and the Birth of OVERLORD ANON AH AHAHAHA-
>It hasn't been going so well
>At first, you couldn't do it because they were so nice, that merciful bit inside of you couldn't destroy them, not even when you had a literal blade up at their Top Queens (read Princess)throat
>That got you a stern talking to by six colored ponies and then they blasted you out of their ruler's castle with a fucking rainbow. Calling it Friendship or something
>Those imbecilic horses managed to somehow weaponize FRIENDSHIP
>Just- What the actual FUCK?!
>Anyway since then you've been trying your damndest to destroy their Ruler, her sister, and those six brats but always-ALWAYS! Something has to go wrong
>You're beginning to notice a pattern
>Nothing seems to work and yet you still try
>Am... Am I actually going to go insane in this stupid, Childlike prison I now call Home!?
>No
>NO
>NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONO!
>If this world is finding ways to screw over my plans, then I shall learn the ins and outs of it and work around its trickery! 
>I will accomplish what I have set out to do!
>And by the time im done, the world wont even know I ever did it in the first place
Anon begins down the path of the Cerberus Knight/Final Boss. How do you feel? 

Plot twist: Anon is Equestria's national hero for always defeating the meanies thanks to his human Earth smarts, but after a contrived accident gives him amnesia, the Bad Guys convince him he's their daring leader, so Evil Anon becomes Equestria's number one enemy as his smartness always allow the bad guys to win and so their reign of terror prospers while the terrified ponies wonder where is their hero and why he isn't helping them against Evil Anon, who's definitely a different Anon and not their friend.
Twist on the twist: eventually Anon regains his memory as Anon (but forgets being Evil Anon) and so he leads all ponykind against the bad guys, nearly defeating them for once and all, but when he goes solo to try finding and defeating this Evil Anon he was told about, he suffers another contrived accident that makes him become Evil Anon once again and so the bad guys start to win again, until he once again recovers his memory and once again tries to beat this Evil Anon overlord who's totally a coward because he's never man enough as to confront him face to face.
Neither Anon or his friends ponies ever discover that Anon and Evil Anon are the same, and of course the bad guys aren't going to tell them. 

>Villains FEAR telling Anon the truth.
>Doesn't matter how silly the amnesia crap is, he's proven time and time again that he can change the tides of battle in an instant!
>Would you tell Captain Asskicker that he was really Saint Kickass while he was on YOUR side? Or vise versa?

It must suck being a serious villain in a kids’ cartoon world, but you could probably work it if you’re smart enough
>can’t intentionally kill or seriously injure anyone because toon physics 
>his minions are all bumbling idiots who aren’t threatening at all
>trying to outright stab someone never works because kids’ cartoon logic means no bloodshed allowed and the blade always curves around the target even when he rarely has a clean shot
>Anon wonders why ponies even have spears and swords if they can’t use them properly 
>however he does realize this means he can be... creative with his torture and punishments
>as long as he doesn’t try to physically kill or harm them he can do essentially whatever he wants
>drive them insane by intruding on Luna’s domain and subjecting his enemies to endless nightmares? 
>perfectly fine!
>trap them in a timeless void where nothing exists?
>no problem there!
>using cockatrices to turn ponies to stone and then putting them into the deepest darkest corner of his lair where no one will ever find them?
>okay!
>death and violence may not be permitted but fates arguably worse than death are approved apparently

>Evil Overlord captures ponies to transform into horrible mutants to use as monster-of-the-week type opponents against the Mane 6.
>pony-mutant shows up wearing parts of several different animal costumes, like rabbit ears, fuzzy lion slippers and the back half of Fluttershy's bee costume.
>half the ponies captured go into shock and faint when they look in the mirror. 

>"I'm a monster! An adorable cat monster!"

>Ponies are captured by Evil Anon via sleeping gas
>They are dressed like generic Evil Goons (TM) while they are asleep
>After they wake up, the confused ponies look around trying to figure out what happened and where the heck are they now
>They find a mirror, take a good look at it and see themselves wearing an evil minion outfit
>They hit their hooves together in realization
>"Oh, of course! I am an evil goon, why else would I be dressed like this?"
>After all captured ponies wake up and pass through the same epiphany, they neatly form in front of Evil Anon and ask them what evil deeds are they going to perform during the day
>This way Evil Anon amasses a consierable army with zero effort
>The problem is, all of his minions are 100% unable to perform true evil deeds and limit themselves to follow what they think is an evil deed
>MinionFluttershy flies around wearing a domino mask, a stripped shirt and a bowler hat performing atrocious deeds like blocking a sunbathing pony's sun
>"NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO MOVE FROM THERE! HAHAHAHAHA ! (cough cough)"
>She crashes against a soft tree branch, and her minion clothes end up tangled there
>She safely lands on the ground, wondering what happened and how she ended up there
>Then she looks up, and notices her goon clothes still hanging from the tree
>"Oh my, these look like an evil minion's clothes. I wonder who they belong to, because they are clearly not mine, because I know I'm not an evil minion."
>Every evil minion on Evil Anon's army is like this 


>Real physics apply to anon
>Gets hit in the head by a flying poner
>Nothing serious, but it splits the skin open
>Starts bleeding profusely
>The worst the ponies have ever seen was a paper cut or a pin prick
>They faint at the sight
>He gets rushed to the horsepital by Twilight
>The nurse is distrahught that the band-aids and kisses aren't doing anything
>Think he's going to die
>Anon reassures them that he can't die from a little cut, he just needs stitches
>"Like with a dress?"
>They have to call for Rarity and her sewing kit, since there's none in the hospital
>Rarity tries, but passes out as soon as the needle goes through
>Anon awkwardly does it himself in the bathroom mirror
>It looks terrible, being far from a proper surgical suture, but the bleeding eventually stops
>The nurse still insist on covering him with band-aids
>"Dear Princess Celestia
>Today I learned that just because somepony is an undead zombie doesn't mean they can't be a good friend.

> Convince Rarity you are actually a cloth demon
> That isn't blood, it's red dye that reacts poorly to sunlight and air.
> Suddenly she's able to give you stitches no problem.

By that logic, as long as you are honestly not considering your actions "evil", you are not violating the laws of that reality and therefore shouldn't encounter much trouble.
Unless the "goodness" isn't subjective, still, you should be able to play by the moral rules and twist them around for personal benefit. 

>waterboarding in Kinderquestria is making you sit on a board as they pour a cup of water on your head
cute 

>It's actually going down a waterslide on a board
>Anon was trying to help them with their fear of slides through exposure therapy

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Anon is captured by Grogar's evil league and they want information from him
>Canterlot's defenses, possible weak points and their curfew's time (because launching an attack past their bed time wouldn't be polite)
>So after Anon gives them a very graphic rant about where they can shove their threats, the evil league decides it's time to stop pulling their slaps and bring up the big guns
>Sombra chuckles as he strolls closer to Anon's face and reveals a few bamboo tootpicks to him
>Anon winces
>"Hahaha, so the mighty Anon can be intimidated after all, eh? Well, let's see if you still refuse to talk after I start poking stuff with THIS!"
>Anon closes his eyes, preparing himself for the pain
>Nothing happens
>Anon opens his eyes to see Sombra playing with the toothpicks
>He's stabbing some erasers with them to connect and create toothpick structures
>"Hahaha! Look at this! I'm having so much fun! But you can't have any unless you... TALK!"
>Anon relaxes
>"Okay, faggot. You had me worried for a moment, I'll give you that."
>"Okay, first of all: rude. Also, what do you mean with "had?" Look at this, I'm building lots of things and I'm having so much fun building tootpick structures and-"
>"Yeah, about that. I thought you were going to use the tootpicks to stab my eyes and stick them under my nails instead of-"
>Sombra's gray coat gets a shade paler
>"W-WHAAAT? WHY IN THE HECK WOULD I DO THAT?"
>"Because you are bad guys and bad guys like to do horrible things like breaking, crippling, cutting up and bleeding their hostages?"
>Chrysalis winces
>"What kind of monster do you think we are?"
>Tirek tries to look tough but his legs are shaking. All four of them.
>"And Celestia allied herself with this... this savage guy?"
>Grogar just unties Anon and headbutts him until he leaves their hideout, offended as hell
>"I had never been insulted like this! J-jerk!"
>He closes his lair's door on Anon's face
>"... okay."

>Villains have a very obvious evil lair
>There's even a sign on it saying 'Evil Lair, Villains Only'

Celestia and her soldiers know about the evil lair's whereabouts, but can't break in to arrest the bad guys because neither Celestia or her guards are villains, so they can't get inside.
Hey, good ponies don't break rules. 

>Their evil lair is a giant couch fort
>It's all made out of stolen couches, sofas and cushions
>The Evil League mostly steals sofa's cushions whenever they can to expand their lair, and use the loose change they find under them to finance their evil activities
>They also leave a wad of chewed buggle gum on the thieferized couches as their personal evil mark
>They chuckle evily when they see ponies sitting on a cushionless couch and lamenting how uncomfortable it feels
>Then they chuckle more evily when the ponies notice they have a gross wad of chewed bubble gum stuck to their rears
>"Oh, dear. This will be difficult to remove, I'm afraid!"
>Grogar's evil league high hoof each other to celebrate another evil act of evilness and vandalic vandalism
>They have a reputation to keep, after all
>They can't allow themselves to be out-eviled by Cozy Glow's lastest evil deed, where she infiltrated Canterlot's castle to unscrew Celestia's salt shaker before her lunch
>Celestia's "Oh my godness, this much salt can't be good for my health" sounded like music for Cozy's ears
>They are all so eeevil.

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>Anon is sitting at a park, just chilling
>Pinkie Pie and the Cakes greet him while they are talking a walk with the Cake babies
>Look at the little bastards. Awww.
>The ponies take a seat next to Anon
>Pinkie Pie is playing with the twins and asks Anon to join in the fun
>Eh, why not
>Anon walks closer to the Cake twins saying "Hey kids, look at me! Now you can see me..."
>Anon covers his face with his hands
>"Now you caaan't!"
>The ponies gasp in shock
>"A-anon? Where are you?"
>Anon reveals his face
>"Here I aaaam! Peek-a-Booo!"
>The ponies gasp harder
>"A-ANON? H-HOW YOU DID THAT?!"
>"... how I did wat."
>"You were here! And then you weren't! And then you were here again!"
>"... are you kidding me? All i did was cover my face like this, and-"
>GASP!
>"A-Anon? Where are you?"
>"Okay, are you kidding me or what. I just covered my face and-"
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>"I CAN HEAR HIS DISEMBODIED VOICE!"
>"ANON IS A WIZARD!"
>Anon facepalms
>"HE IS VISIBLE AGAIN!"
>"GOO GOO GAA GAA OMG!"
>"... do it again, Nonny!"
>It takes a while for Anon to figure out that things just work like that in Kinderequestria. 

>steal something from a store
>make sure to tell the clerk sorry so she doesn't start bawling her eyes out
>you've found that making ponies cry tends to result in bad luck
>when the ponice start chasing you, instantly stop and stare at a wall
>scream "YOU CAN'T SEE ME IF I CAN'T SEE YOU!"
>they run past
>this fucking place

>Ponies can't see you if you're standing still

>Red light green light just became a terrifying game

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Doesn’t Anon being the only person with an actual normal adult mindset make him essentially the tard wrangler/babysitter for the entirety of Equestria? 

>There's a secret cabal in Equestria dedicated to keeping ponies shit in line so civilization doesn't collapse.
>Anon gets invited because of his exceptional babysitting skills.
>The cabal is called the society of tard wranglers.

This actually sounds like a funny idea
>Only certain individuals have an adult mindset and have formed a group to discuss it with each other
>Chrysalis for the changelings, Celestia for ponies, Novo for the hippogriffs, and whoever else you wanna designate for the other races

There's also Grampa Gruff for the griffons. 

Nah, he's just senile. 

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>Anon gets dragged to court for making an overeager journalist cry after he caught her trying to take photos of him through a window
>immediately calls bullshit and lists off all the bullshit Celestia, Cadence, Shining, Discord Glimmer, M6 and the journo have gotten away with before being dragged to prison
>Two weeks into his sentance he discovers he has a dozen new neigh-bors
>airing everponys dirty laundry on what turned out to be a live broadcast of horse Judge-Judy started a revolution
>equestria is now a democracy led by president Luna
>Still in prison for cussing and staying up past his bedtime tho.

>Anon is considered either Equestria's greatest informant or it's worst snitch.
>He doesn't give a damn if someone tries to make him swear to secrecy, if he gets in trouble for something and he KNOWS SoandSo did precisely that or worse that person is getting their named dragged through the mud.
>The downside to such tactics?
>When he eventually does have to visit jail for something he can't talk his way out of (to be fair, stubbing a toe and cursing is pretty fucking instinctive at this point), he'd be suddenly face to face with a whole Jail's worth of people he's told on.
>All ranging from pouty princesses that can't believe you told on them for sneaking extra sweets or breaking something,to angry villains he caught monologuing their evil plans in the middle of nowhere. 
>Safe to say, every time Anon goes to jail, a shitshow begins and he'll be damned if he isn't the director.

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>Anon finds a job at Ponyville's new Starbucking Cafe shop
>It's a nice job: the ponies are well behaved, the pay is decent and the work hours fly by quite fast
>The only "buts" is that all coffees include tons of sugar, cream, caramel, ground chocolate and sweet sparkles, so the first and last time Anon tried one his blood pressure went over the rails
>The other "but" is that all coffee is decaffeinated (because consuming Nervous System Stimulants for fun is a big "No-No" for well behaved ponies) and the buzz all ponies feel after drinking their orders comes from all the sugar Anon has to pour in each order
>Kinderequestria HAS normal coffee, but there's a reason why it cannot be used on Starbucking Cafe
>Unfortunately nopony told Anon, so one day he decided to use his own ground coffee for the day's orders
>Not even five minutes pass after Anon's customers drink the first batch and suddenly all ponies start zooming around, scared as hell
>"HAAAALP! I CAN'T STOP MYSELF!"
>"WHY AM I FEELING LIGHTING THROUGH MY SPINE?"
>"MY HEART IS BEATING FASTER THAN A HUMMINGBIRB'S!"
>"I CAN SEE FOWEVEEER!"
>Turns out that no pony can drink that much caffeine and sugar at once whitout going nuclear for half a day
>"HAAAAAAAAAALP!"

>Everything ponies drink or eat has large amounts of sugar in it because it's required for them to live

>Going over the "safe" limit sends the ponies into hyperdrive mode until they crash and feel awkward for an entire day
>That's Kinderequestria's version of being drunk

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Maybe back in the day Equestria wasn’t full of childlike ponies? What if it was so bad that Celestia and Luna secretly enforce the marshmallow aspects of their kingdom, just to make sure they never return to their old sinful ways again? 

>Pre-Unification ponies were probably real fucking messed up and murderous. 
>Any stories of the past are *heavily* censored to protect the innocent minds and only 'tough minded' beings were allowed any sliver of truth.
>Then in comes Anon, a man familiar with such..."barbaric" histories.

>Anonymous is only allowed to know because he already comes from such a harsh unrestricted society
>he questions the idea of censoring everything like that because a saying from his world
>‘those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it’
>Celestia and Luna assure him that they have everything under control, and ask him not to try to disturb things
>not wanting to get punished by two demigods, Anon just kinda shrugs and goes along with it 
>turns out Celestia and Luna are actually pretty cool to hang out with in private
>around Anon they don’t have to constantly make themselves kid friendly or anything like that, so they enjoy reveling in stupid crass humor that they wouldn’t get to have fun with otherwise

>Celestia and Luna are the only ones who have alcohol
>they're happy they have someone else to share it with now

>Anon can't fuck the ponies because it just turns him off
>Celestia and Luna are the only mature mares in Equestria 
>Only with them can they actually FUCK 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━  Oneshot kind of related to prompts above and below: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/33817152/#q33911180

>Anon in equestria
>Except everyone thinks he's their Dad.

>Dadnon in Kinderquestria

>Ponies call Anon 'Dad' and Celestia 'Mom'

>"Mom, Dad, I had a bad dream, can I sleep with you tonight?"
>"Of course little one."
>The guard pony wriggles under the blanket and joins the other 17 guards in the cuddle pile
"This happens every night. I'm gonna have to have a talk with Luna." 

>Dadnon, Momlestia, and Auntie Luna what about Cadance and Twilight?

>The nieces, of course!

 >the only adults in equestrian are Anon, Celestia, and Luna
>Anon gets invited for beers all the time
>Everyone treats him as a princess because he acts like an adult
>"Princess Anon~" 

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So if Celestia and Luna are mature does Chrysalis have the personality of an edgy (but not really) teenager? 

Chrysalis is in that 'It's not a phase!' phase. 

>Ageing for ponies takes centuries which is why only long lived or immortals are mature
>Celestia is mature
>Luna is in that stage where she's just starting to learn how to be an adult
>And Chrysalis is still in her teen years

Chrysalis is the rebellious teenager and Cadence is the good girl teenager. 

>Ponies call it 'centuries' but it's actually a bit less than how long it takes for a human to mature. 
>However, either to them it just takes that long or Anon is weirdly unaffected by time due to human.
>Either way though, he's considered OLD AS FUCK.

>Grandpanon in Kinderquestria

>"Muahahahaha! Now all of Equestria is mine!"
"Chrysalis!"
>"A-Anon! Hey! What are you doing here?!"
"Don't you 'What are you doing here?' me young lady! What did I tell you about trying to take over Equestria?"
>"That it's mean and I shouldn't do it."
"And what did you do?"
>"I tried to take over Equestria."
"That's right. Now go to your room and don't come out until dinner."
>"B-but Anooooooon."
"Don't you 'But' me young lady. No butts except yours in your room."
>"Yes Anon."
>You turn to Celestia and Luna who are hung upside down 
"Kids am I right?" 

Top laugh. Is Grogar considered an adult? 

Grumpy uncle?

Sounds about right. Or grumpy grandpa. He's grumpy because everyone treats him like an old person. Everybody keeps offering to walk him across the street. 

>"I AM ONLY 40!"
>"Ah, does Granddad need his nap?"
>Cue furious goat sounds.

>Grogar conquering Equestria is just ponies humoring grandpa until he gets tired and goes to bed

>changeling invasion is just her way of lashing out

>"I'ts not a phase Mom!"
"Chrysalis! Let your mother and all these nice ponies go!"
>"B-But Daaaad!"
"No, no buts young lady!" 

>Chrysalis's subjects are just ponies following along with the cool teenager who they look up to

I like this. More of this. 

>Chrysalis regulary attends poetry meetings where she reads her newest masterpieces like "the day i could not breathe" and "deserved shame".

>Chrysalis is embarrassed whenever Anon and Celestia show up to give their support

>"s-stop this r-ri-right now!"
>"you have to say please"
>"NO! I-I-ll never say it!
>"then we guess we'll have to continue then"
>"noooo"

>Chrysalis's lair is a treehouse by Anon's home who occasionally brings snacks for her and her minions.

>"Thanks Da- er, I mean minion!"

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>Anon brings his gaming system with him
>What games do ponies play on it?
Personally I'd like them to play Luigi's Mansion 

How would they react to Minecraft? 

Depends on whether it's on peaceful mode or not. 

>If it's on peaceful they have a lot of fun building and mining and taking care of crops and animals
>If it's anything else their either really scared or crying because they killed something

>sent kinderquestria with pc have over 50 games almost all are M and 2 are A

>Ponies catch Anon playing Metal Gear.
>Think it's weird he's playing as a big, grizzled dude that just crawls on his belly a lot.
>Imagine their horror when he makes the guy pop up and knife someone in the throat.

>"Oooh, are you playing hide and seek?"
"In a sense.

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>stories have to be short and simple in kinderquestria otherwise ponies might find the plot too complicated or won't be able to pay attention for more that 20 pages.

>All books are picture books

>history is told just like a children's story book because it all always legitimately has a happy ending

>there was once a pony that really didn't like the griffons in his country
>he wrote a mean book once that called all kinds of creatures no good doodie heads
>one day he was put in charge of everything
>he put all the creatures he didn't like in detention where they wouldn't even be given desserts like ice cream and had to eat vegetables all the time
>he was so mean he started a huge pie fight with entire countries
>but he eventually lost and he was put to bed early every day for about a week (not including weekends that would be too cruel)
>the real problem was that he wasn't getting enough sleep because he was staying up late
>his crankyness is what started his dislike of griffons and now with a better scheduled bed time he is much better
>he learned the error of his ways and is now friends with everybody even griffons
>the end

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