    >Drunk in Equestria.
    >You are Anon, and you're drunk.
    >Your girlfri- uh, marefriend Coco Pommel suggested you go to the bar for the night.
    >And after she said that maybe the XO cider was perhaps a bit too strong for males to be drinking-
    >Well, you sure showed her!
    >Six mugs of XO and you're a mess.
    >You drape an arm over Lyra.
    "YOU PONIES ARE SOOOO MUCH FUN!"
    >Lyra blushes and chuckles, adjusting herself below the table, "Yeah we are... How about you show us a little dance?"
    >Her mare friends with her hoot and holler.
    >"Dance! Dance!"
    >Coco tries to speak up over the sudden madness of mares cheering and clanking their mugs together.
    >"Anon, please sit down!"
    >Her voice is drowned out.
    >You raise a hand and bring the ogling mares to a hush.
    "Now, now girls. There's enough of me to go around!"
    >A random shout of "SLUT!" comes from the back of the bar.
    >The mares begin to boo and throw things at the only stallion in the bar.
    >What a nerd.
    >You shuffle to the jukebox and press buttons randomly.
    >Gotta git ur groove on tho.
    >A song starts up.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NV6Rdv1a3I [Embed]
    >You turn back to the bar and throw your hands up.
    "I LOOOOOVE THIS SONG!"
    >The mares erupt in cheers and whistles as you start shakin' your booty.
    >You can see Coco covering her face at the bar.
    >She hates it when you have fun.
    >"Take off your shirt!" Octavia shouts and throws some bits on the ground at your feet.
    >You oblige and pull your shirt off, spinning it like a helicopter around your head as your hips gyrate.
    >Suddenly, mares are throwing bits like crazy.
    >Looks like your bar tab is paid for.
    >"Shake it, boy! Take those pants off!"
    >The shower of bits increase along with the shouts to remove your pants.
    >Making money in Equestria is so easy!
    >These mares can't wait to give you their cash, and all you have to do is have fun.
    >You could get used to this.
    >Maybe not Coco though.
    >She's just a prude.
    >After you make her a hefty amount of fun money, she'll understand.

00000000000000000000000000
   
>Lyra's face is about to crack.    
>You know she wants to laugh as she rings up your order.    
>Why are mares so fucking immature here?    
>All you want to do is make your purchase and go the fuck home.    
>Too bad your cashier is Lyra.    
>"Mphh... Busy uh... Busy night tonight, Anon?"    
>Now other mares doing their shopping are stopping to stare.    
>Some are snickering.    
>You can hear their not-so-discreet whispers.   
>"Is he buying condoms?!"    
>"What kind of mare makes her stallion buy the condoms?"    
>"What a slut!"    
>"Aren't those the extra-small stallion condoms?"    
>Lyra finally finishes ringing you up.   
>"That'll be six bits, slugger."    
>Now she's grinning ear to ear.    
>You throw some bits at her and shove the box of extra-small stallion condoms in your pocket.    
>Turning, you announce to all the watching mares.
"Yes, I'm buying condoms! Me, a male! Because that's how shit should work, but your society is all fucked in the head with gender              roles! And for your information, I'm buying these so I can have sex with my WIFE, COCO POMMEL! I'm not a slut and I want to be safe, because I don't know if I can get ponies pregnant!"
>You start to walk out.
"And also, they may be extra small, but call me when you can find a stallion that lasts longer than thirty seconds!"
>There's an awkward silence in the store as you stomp toward the exit.
>Then the place is filled with laughter and cat calls from mares.
>Fuck this place.
>Sexist fucking ponies.

00000000000000000000000000

    >"APPLEJACK, COME ON!"
    >Rainbow Dash keeps flying back to yell at you, but you're galloping as fast as you can.
    "Ah'm goin' fast as ah can!"
    >You haven't seen Rainbow this worked up since that dragon horde attacked.
    >You hope Twilight is on her way as well...
    >Finally you arrive to where Dash is hovering.
    "What's the fuss?!"
    >Rainbow Dash is breathing just as heavy as you.
    >Looks like she's brought you to the park.
    >She points to a park bench twenty feet away.
    >"LOOK!"
    >You see Anon sitting on a bench with Coco Pommel laying her head in his lap.
    >He's stroking her mane.
    >Several ponies are staring at the two.
    "Rainbow, why would ya make such a fuss over nothin'?!"
    >Rainbow Dash looks mortified.
    >"Look! Isn't that WEIRD?!"
    >You grit your teeth and look back at the couple.
    >Now that she mentions it, that IS weird.
    "Why's she all sissy with that stalli- er, male?"
    >This is the first time you've seen a mare submit like a stallion in public.
    >You admit, in your filly years, this was one of your more frequently "used" little fantasies.
    >But seeing it in real life was just...
    "Not right... That ain't right."
    >Rainbow Dash seems even more enthralled by Coco's public display of submission than you.
    >"She's just laying there taking it! What the hay?!"
    >What ponies do in their bedrooms is between them.
    >But in public, well...
    >You're a bit old fashioned.
    "Y'ALL BETTER S-STOP THAT!"
    >Not your best, but it gets their attention.
    >You shake your hoof at them.
    "EVERYPONY'S WATCHIN', KEEP YER SICK FETISHES IN THE BEDROOM!"
    >Anon looks at Coco, shrugs, then goes back to scratching her behind the ears.
    >She seems to be in absolute bliss.
    >This is absolutely degenerate.
    "Come on Rainbow, we got a letter to write to Princess Celestia."
    >Rainbow Dash seems to not hear your words, completely entranced by Anon and Coco's fetish-play.
    >"Look at those fingers go..."
    >Life is hard being a supreme gentlemare.
    >But in time, you'll rid Ponyville of all degeneracy.
    >Starting with that slut, Anon.

00000000000000000000000000

>Today is your birthday.
>Coco Pommel has really gone overboard with throwing you a party.
>There's a lot of ponies in your house.
>Actually,she invited a lot of mares...
>You really need to get more stallion friends.
>No homo.
>Currently, you're sitting on the couch wearing the stupid party hat that was strapped on your head.
>It's shaped like a unicorn horn.
>Isn't this lewd or something?
>Speaking of lewd, Twilight Velvet is sitting beside you.
>This fucking mare always makes you uncomfortable.
>And she always seems to be tipsy.
>Like right now.
>She's a little too close and a little too far down her mug of cider.
>Where is her husband?
>"How old are you now, Anon?"
"Like twenty-something."
>You look around for Coco.
>"Still so young... Back in the day, I would have shown you why they call me 'velvet'."
>She chuckles and takes a swig from her cider.
>You cringe and take a long drink from your own mug.
>How is no one else hearing this?
>Twilight Velvet leans closer, her cider breath tickling your nose, "It's my pussy. It's like velvet. Get it?"
>You lean away and adjust your tie uncomfortably.
"I think I see Coco! Excuse me!"
>You get up and hurry off into the party, looking for Coco.

>You are Twilight Velvet.
>It's always fun teasing Anon.
>You take a drink and stare at his ass as he hurries away back to his beta marefriend.
>How'd she manage to pull some quality ass like that?
>Anon would be better off with your daughter.
>You're happily married, but you would honestly douse Anon's face in your cum if you weren't...
>Well now you're all worked up.
>You get up to go find your husband and make him take care of this winking in the bathroom.
>Fucking Anon.