>Be Anon
>Freshly arrived in Ponyland
>And you are being carted to jail for what was apparently public indecency whilst in the presence of royalty
>Why these little colorful horses consider wearing socks in public to be indecent is beyond you
>The royalty in question wasn't exactly complaining either
>You glance out the window of the carriage they've got you in and see a structure that looks vaguely like your old middle school
>Surrounded with tall fence
>Well, tall for them at least
>The carriage passes through a gate and approaches the building
>...wait, is this-?
>"On your feet, criminal!"
>The guard who'd been riding with you had been doing his best to be as far from you as possible
>They considered you a perv
>Can't say you'd blame them, considering you essentially appeared out of nowhere in the middle of their seat of government wearing what was, in their culture, essentially women's lingerie
>Still, he could tone down the attitude
>It's not like you knew
>You you get out of the carriage and check out your surroundings
>Yep, looks exactly like a middle school
>"Get moving, creep!"
>The guard pushes the back of your leg in an attempt to get you mobile
>You whip your head around and glower at him
"Fuck off, man. This is bullshit! Socks are perfectly normal to wear where I'm from!"
>The guard freezes
>Shit
>You said too much
>Well, here comes the first ass-kicking of your prison career
>The guard starts crying
>Wait, wat

>The guard's just staring up at you with tears in his eyes, sniffling
>"YOU MONSTER!"
>You turn, to see one of the horses pulling the coach angrily pointing at you
>"How could say such mean things?! You're going away for a long time!"
>...
>You subdued a prison guard
>With rude words
>Fuck this place, logic isn't a thing here
>While your brain was rendered inactive out of the sheer absurdity, a bunch of other guards had emerged from the building
>[Collective horse gasp]
>"What'd you do, you big ugly monkey?!"
>Ho fuck no
>You ain't about to take that from some punkass little horse
"I told him how /fucking/ stupid this whole situation is! I'm wearing socks because my feet get cold without them, not because I'm perverted! In fact, you assholes are the perverts, getting turned on by socks!"
>You're being a hypocrite, you love girls in knee socks
>Still, all you had on were normal ones
>These horses were definitely the ones in the wrong here
>Speaking of, they're reeling from your little tirade
>"S-so foul mouthed! Restrain him! Bring him in for processing!"
>You utter the time-honored battle cry of angry 20-something men
"COME AT ME BRO!"
>Unfortunately for the little weenie horses, you lift
>You bowl through the little group like ninepins, shrugging off the couple that clung to you
>...
>Isn't this going a little too well? How are they able to restrain their prisoners if they can't even-
>ZAP
>You hit the ground like a sack of potatoes, unable to move
>What just happened?
>Why are you paralyzed?
>"Is everypony alright?"
>"Warden! Thank goodness! We've got a nasty one here."

>Be Warden Sharp
>You were never sure why your parents named you that
>But boy, does it fit your job!
>You were in charge of the most secure prison in the Canterlot area, tasked with rehabilitating the hardest criminals in Equestria
>And you loved it!
>You believed everyone can make friends
>Even this new inmate
>Certainly, his crimes were rather icky, and his show of violence towards the guards was scary, but that's why you're here! To help him onto the right path!
"Are we all alright, gentlecolts? He really put a thumping on you!"
>Key Ring salutes
>"Afraid not, ma'am. We've got some boo-boos."
"Oh no!"
>He gestures to a few crying guards, being comforted by their friends
"Get them to the infirmary! We'll handle the inmate."
>The officer taps your shoulder, leaning in to whisper
>"This one's the nastiest I've ever seen, Miss Warden. I don't think he should be around the other inmates."
"Nonsense! Anypony can be reformed, Key Ring! We just have to remember the teachings of our... princesses..."
>You trail off as you notice Key Ring staring at something behind you, mouth agape

>Be Anon, a few moments earlier
>You've regained some control of your body, but what just happened?
>You'd assumed you'd been hit with a taser or something, but it didn't hurt
>So what was it?
>You slowly climb to your feet, shaking off some grogginess and becoming aware of someone talking behind you
>You turn to see one of the guards you thrashed earlier and a unicorn
>Still not as weird as those giant white and blue ones you saw earlier, but still weird
>The guard's just staring at you
>"Nonsense! Anyone can be reformed, Key Ring! We just have to remember the teachings of our... princesses..."
>She trails off as she realizes that he isn't listening, and turns to face you
>Her jaw drops
>"You...wha...how..."
"What'd you just hit me with?"

>The little horned horse squeaks in response
>"M-magic?"
>Magic?
>Seriously?
>A bold-faced lie if you've ever heard one
>Makes sense though
>Like hell they're going to tell you how they subdue you
>Guess it'd be better to cooperate for now
>Don't wanna start shit if they've got some weird, painless stun gun that can put you on your ass instantly
>...that's not much of a deterrent, actually.
>"How are you standing?"
>Oh
>She's recovered from her spaghetti fit
"I used my arms and legs to lift myself off the ground?"
>"But I hit you with a full-powered stun spell! You should be immobilized for an hour!"
>Huh
>She's claiming it's magic again
>Is she telling the truth?
>You've seen some weird things in your short tenure in this place
>Pegasi
>Unicorns
>Strange, giant combinations of the two that looked at you with expressions that had a little too much /desire/ in them for your comfort
>Maybe she isn't lying
>And if they really do have magic...
>It'd probably be best to play along, for now
"Uh, look. I'm sorry for beating up the guards. I was mad. I'm not a pervert or anything. Socks are what my kind wear to keep our feet warm, rather than intimate clothing."
>She looks encouraged now that you've cooled down some
>"Pardon me, but what are you anyway? I've never seen something like you before!"
"I'm a human."

>Be Warden Sharp
>This is so exciting!
>You KNEW anyone could be reformed!
>And he's a species you've never heard of!
>Freaky resistance to magic aside, all it took for the new inmate was some polite conversation!
>Leaving a still-gawking Key Ring behind, you lead your new prisoner into the complex
>INTERNAL GASP
"I'm so sorry! I haven't even asked your name yet!"
>"Oh, it's no problem. I'm Anonymous. But you can call me Anon."
>INTERNAL GASP x2
>He's letting you call him by nickname already?! So friendly!
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Anon! I'm Warden Sharp! You can just call me Warden!"
>"Alright."
>This is going swimmingly!

>Be Anon
>Warden's alright
>A little unnaturally bouncy, but she's a decent sort.
"So, uh..."
>"Yes?"
>She looks really eager to help
>You feel a little more hopeful about this whole prison thing
"Now that I've explained the whole sock thing, can I get my sentence shortened? How long am I in for, anyway?"
>Warden looks sad now
>"I'm sorry Anon. You were personally sentenced by the Princesses, and when you add on assaulting guardsponies to that..."
>OH SHIT
>She's right! You fucked up!
>You brace yourself
>This number isn't going to be pretty
>"I'm afraid you're in for four weeks..."
>...
"But that's, like, a month..."
>She looks teary-eyed
>"I know! And to think it's all the result of a misunderstanding! I'm so sorry Anon!"
>Are you missing something here?
>She's crying like you got the death penalty or something
"Hey, Warden, c'mon. It's just a month. I don't see wha-"
>"JUST a month?!"
>She's looking at you all wide-eyed
>"Anon, that's one of the longest sentences we've had in recent years! Normal ponies can't make it that long!"
>What?
>It's THAT bad in there?
>Is the outside just a facade?
>You're getting nervous again
>The little stun magic or whatever had brought you out of your little anger fit, but you can feel panic starting to build up inside of you
>What exactly goes on in there...?

>Since you're the only one around here wearing socks, you must still be Anon
>And so far, nothing about this prison backs up your fears
>Everything's just so...
>Happy
>By your standards at least
>Warden's been acting as if this is all deadly serious, and seems like she's expecting you to be intimidated
>But they have a pool! And clubs!
>How are you supposed to take this seriously?
>This isn't a prison, it's a luxury hotel crossed with a summer camp
>A luxury hotel that you are officially government-mandated to stay in for a month
>Sweet
>"And this is your room!"
>Warden's voice snaps you out of your thoughts
>She opens the door and leads you inside
>Wait
>She just opened it? No key or anything?
>Fucking horseland
>No wonder the guards were a joke
>Their criminals must be even more pathetic if they can't bust out of a place like this
>Speaking of
>It's fucking nice
>The bed is huge, and the whole room is well-furnished
>Beats the hell out of your apartment back home
>Why would you even /want/ to escape?
>"What do you think?"
>Warden looks up at you expectantly
"It's really nice! Even better than my old place. Thanks for showing me around, Warden."
>She looks a little taken aback
>"C-certainly, Anon. Now, dinner starts in a couple hours, so I'll have a guard come get you when it's time."
"Cool. Have a good one, Warden."

>You are Warden Sharp
>Poor Anon...
>He put up a brave face when you told him his sentence, but you saw right through him
>He didn't say word all through the tour, just stared around like he couldn't believe what was happening
>You couldn't either!
>Four weeks!
>He'll need someone to help him through this
>And although you'll be busy, you have the next-best candidate in mind...

>Back to being Anon the human, checking out your new digs
>Your initial suspicions of them being far superior to your old ones are confirmed
>You had your own bathroom!
>And a huge bed!
>And storage space, for some reason.
>Now that you've got a moment to yourself, you reach into your pocket and pull out your phone
>Looks like it survived whatever space/time phenomenon brought you here
>Still got your wallet and keys, too, but those won't have much use now
>You stow them in a little bedside drawer
>Warden Sharp said you had time to burn, so you figure you'll just nap
>You can see if there's any interesting clubs to join tomorrow
>You set a timer on your phone, and then flop onto the bed
>yaranaikaface.jpeg
>This bed
>This fucking bed
>How can it be this comfy
>You sink into the mattress, your consciousness already slipping...

>Wake up with a start
>...you're back in your apartment.
>You can't help but chuckle
>Talking, magical horses?
>College must really be fucking with you if you're having acid dreams without any acid
>You reach for your phone to check the time
>But you falter
>You can't quite put your finger on it, but something feels off
>You sit and listen, hearing nothing
>That's when it hits you
>That's what's off
>The pure, abject silence
>It should be a weekday
>And yet there's none of the usual weekday noise
>No noise from your roommate getting ready
>No noise from passing cars
>You're getting freaked out
"Emil?"
>You call your roommate's name
>You hear a giggle in response
>A feminine giggle
"Who's out there?"
>You get up, throwing the door open and rushing into the common room of the apartment
>Everything is in place
>Except for a big blue horse sitting in your armchair
"You? How are you here? This is-"
>"A dream, fair one."
>The entire chair floats and rotates, bringing her face-to-face with you
>"We simply could not wait for our sister to organize an audience, and thus we decided to visit thee ourself. Is this your old dwelling?"
>She looks all around your living room
>"Such a cramped space!"
>Oi
>It wasn't a the nicest apartment, but it was yours
>You bite back your indignation
"What do you mean, this is a dream? Aren't YOU a dream!?"
>She giggles again
>"My, flattery? Fear not. Thou have no need of it with us~"
>That wasn't a-
>Argh
>Whatever
>Let's just get a handle on what's happening
"So, if this is my dream, how are you in it? And why are you speaking like that?"
>She drops the bedroom eyes for a moment
>"We are the Princess of Night! Dreams are our domain! And, er, pardon my speech. Force of habit."
>She turns a little red
>...kinda cute
>No! Don't get distracted! She's literally inside your head right now!

>Her bedroom eyes return full force
>"You find me cute? The feeling is very much mutual. Come closer..."
>Dammit, she can hear your thoughts!
>Makes sense in a weird way. This /is/ all in your head.
>You also feel a compulsion to approach her, but you stand your ground
>Her eyes widen
>"A powerful dreamer to boot? If there was any doubt before, there is no longer! You shall be mine, before sister can lay claim!"
>She makes a lunge
>nope.avi
>You duck and roll out of the way, sprinting out of the door that formerly lead onto the back porch of your apartment
>You hop the little enclosure and book your shit out of the complex, blue dream horse hot on your heels
>"Halt! Do not resist! We promise you will enjoy this!"
>C'mon, dammit! This is your dream! So why can't you fly or some shi-
>You suddenly lift off into the air
"HELL YEAH!"
>You zoom off into the air, leaving the ground and your creepy dream stalker behind
>*Flap flap*
>...
>Spoke too soon
>"I can see your socks~"
>She caught up already?!
>She latches onto you midair
>How can she hold you without any hands?!
>How is any of this happening?!
>WHY is any of this happening?!
>"Magic, magic, and my attraction to you!"
"QUIT READING MY MIND!"
>"Give in to my affections! You need not live in squalor any longer!"
>You try to break out of her grip, but she's surprisingly strong
>Only one thing for it...
>You twist around
>And start tickling her belly
>"EEEEK?! Hahahahaha n-no! Cease this!"
>You don't
>If anything, you redouble your efforts
>She's giggling and squealing like a little kid
>You've got her now!
>"H-ha-ahahahaha!! N-n-n-nooo, please, I'm going to wake u-!"
>Bolt upright
>...
>You're back in your orgasmic bed in your cell
>What the hell was that?

>You get up off your bed, checking your phone
>You still had about half an hour left
>You decide to just try your best to forget about what just happened in dreamland
>If what she said was true, then there wasn't much you could do about it anyway
>You love sleep too much to give it up, and she's a princess
>Beside, you handled yourself pretty well in the dream. If she comes back, you'll be ready
>She called you a "powerful dreamer"
>Maybe you'll conjure up something a little more helpful than flight powers next time
>Like some T-60 power armor and a minigun
>Fuck yeah
>You kinda hope she does come back now
>You fire up some games on your phone, wasting time until you hear a knock at the door
"Come in!"
>You put your phone away
>They might take it for research or something
>In walks a male guardspony
>"Hello, inmate Anonymous. My name's Brass Badge. The warden appointed me to be your chaperone."
>He's pretty gruff-looking, but he speaks politely enough.
>He's got some sick mutton chops going on too
>Reminds you of Jet from Bebop
"Nice to meet you Brass Badge. Why do I need a chaperone though?"
>"Warden says you're a good guy who's just misunderstood. My purpose is to both observe you and see if that's true, and to help you acclimate to your new circumstances."
>Warden's already looking out for you? Nice!
>You knew she was cool
"Sounds good, man. So, dinnertime?"
>He nods
>"Yep. Let's walk and talk."
>The pair of you leave your room and head down the hall
>"Now, Warden tells me you're a human. I like to think I've been around, but I don't think I've ever seen your sort before. Where do you call home?"
>Huh
>Where IS Earth from here?
>...you doubt it's even the same dimension
"Well... It's a place called Earth. It's a ways away. Not sure exactly how far. But it's pretty decent."

>Brass Badge just nods
>"Your folk got any relation to minotaurs? You look awfully similar."
"Not in terms of genetics, no. But back home, there's a famous story of a human who beat a minotaur in a fight."
>His eyebrows shoot up
>"Is that right? That'd be a heck of an achievement! They're a tough bunch. Sound like you humans are too."
>You chuckle
"Yeah. I'm pretty tough myself."
>By human standards
>You're pretty sure you're Superman by pony standards, but you'll test that later
>Brass Badge leads you through a propped-open door, and into a large cafeteria
>There's a whole lot of horses in here
>And...
>...Sphinxes?
>Nah, not sphinxes, it's similar though
>Griffons!
>There it is
>There's a few of those. They have their own little group in the corner.
>And all eyes are on you
>"...that's him..."
>"...whole group of guards..."
>You only catch vague snatches of conversation, but it's enough.
>You've already got a rep
>Neat
>"Don't mind it, Anonymous. This way."
>Your chaperone leads you to the food line
>It's a buffet
>In prison
>It's so strange to you, but at this point, you're kinda starting to love it
>You load up on food while Brass Badge does the same, and then find a table
>"So, Anon - you mind if I call you that? Your full title's a bit long."
"Sure. Can I call you Brass?"
>"Sure. Now, I'd kinda like to discuss your crimes a bit."
>Here we go
>"Mind telling me what you were doing in the middle of Day Court, wearing socks of all things?"
>It's always about the socks
>Why didn't he ask about you beating up the other guards? At least that one's badass
"Look, like I told Warden, they're normal clothing for humans. and I'm not even sure how I wound up in Day Court in the first place. I didn't mean to break any laws, and I'm /definitely/ not some weirdo trying to make people uncomfortable."
>He considers your words
>"Fair enough. And you really don't remember how you got there?"
"Not a bit. Hanging out at home one minute, there the next."

>Brass scrunches his face up
>You shouldn't find that cute, but you kinda do
>"Sounds like magic was involved... But if that's true, then the Princesses will surely help you once your sentence is up."
>Right
>The princesses
"I've been meaning to ask about them. I... heard one of them can control dreams or something. Is that true?"
>"Yeah. That'd be Princess Luna."
>Luna
>Yep
>That's the same one that tried to "claim" you during your nap
>"And the other one? And what about their parents? King or Queen around?"
>"Princess Celestia is the other princess. You likely saw her when you were apprehended at Day Court. As for their parents, it's been millennia since the King and Queen ascended. Why?"
>Back the fuck up
>/Millennia/?
"...you're messing with me, right?"
>"Nope. The princesses have been around for a looooong time, and they'll be here a while longer too. Surprised you don't know. Earth must be pretty secluded!"
"You could say that, yeah."
>Brass doesn't question any further, and you both just focus on finishing your food
>You both get your dishes in the dirty bin and head back to your cell
>You give Brass a pat on the back as you move to open the door
"Thanks for the talk, Brass. Looking forward to working with you."
>...he's looking at you funny
>"Anon... I'm flattered, but we just met. Plus, I don't swing that way."
>What the flying fu-
>You just patted him on the back!
"I'm sorry, /what/?"
>He keeps looking at you incredulously for a few seconds
>Then something dawns on him
>"Wait, what does a pat on the back mean in human culture?"
"It's like... a gesture of friendship. But it can be for encouragement or congratulations too. Why? What does it mean for you?"
>Brass chuckles
>"Touching a pony's back below the shoulders is... flirty. Miiiiighty flirty."
>Oh god
"No homo!"
>You're safe now
>Brass just laughs
>"Just be mindful in the future, eh? Also, you got a minute?"

"Dude, I'm in prison. Time's all I got left."
>You left out the "in another dimension" part
>He doesn't need to know
>Brass opens the door and walks into your room, taking a seat at a small table
>"Warden tells me you're pretty darn strong. Wanna try and back it up?"
>Hell yeah
"Always. What's the challenge?"
>He rests a foreleg on the table, in the unmistakable posture for arm-wrestling
>"The oldest challenge there is."
>One
>You're pretty fucking sure horse skeletons aren't meant to bend like that
>Two
>You beat the stuffing out of a bunch of his coworkers earlier today and he's fronting up on you like he thinks he's got a shot?
>This little horse has some cojones
>You can respect that
>You throw a competitive grin his way as you take an opposing seat
"You're on. Just don't cry when you lose, okay? I'd feel bad."
>"Ha! Let's do it!"
>You enclose his hoof in your fist
>His hoof also bends slightly around your fingers
>Shit's weird man
"Count us off."
>"3!"
>"2!"
>"1!"
>"GO!"
>Brass gives a mighty pull
>And your arm doesn't even budge
>You figured this would happen
>Well, he's a cool guy, so you'll let him down gently
>Your arm begins its unstoppable trek to the surface of the table, Brass' hoof beneath it the whole way
>He's puffing and wheezing like a smoker, trying to put more strength into his hoof
>No dice
>You drive it home with a resounding "thunk"
>And shoot him your best shit-eating grin
"Best 2 out of 3?"
>He shakes his head, still breathing hard
>"Sheesh! That's my first loss in years! And you're something else! Count me out of the rematch."
>Victory is sweet
>Even when it's hella easy
>You refrain from saying that out loud, though
"Hey, Brass, thanks again. I'll tell the Warden you're doing a hell of a job getting me acclimated next time I see her."
>He looks at you curiously
>"What's that word mean? Hell?"
>Ah, you forgot
"Uh, it's a human word. When someone does something really well, they did a hell of a job."

>He doesn't need to know the other definition
>There's a lot of stuff about your world that these colorful little horses don't need to know
>"Well, then, since I know when I'm beaten, I'll leave you be for the night, Anon. Whew..."
>You're about to bid him goodnight, when you realize
>If touching a horse's lower back is lewd
>What about their belly...?
>The dream with Luna runs through your mind
>Better ask to be sure
"Hey, Brass. One last thing. Is there any other place I shouldn't be touching horses?"
>He turns back from the door
>"Ponies. We're ponies, Anon."
>Same damn thing
"Yeah, fine. Any other places that are off-limits?"
>He puts a hoof to his chin
>"Flank, obviously. And some ponies don't like the bottom of their hooves touched. Withers are usually alright, but it's kinda circumstantial. Nose, for certain. Oh, and belly. Deeeeeeeefinitely the belly."
>Uh-oh
"Why? What's so important about the belly?"
>Brass raises an eyebrow at you for a moment, then remembers you're not from around here
>"Well... It's highly sensitive. Ticklish. And ponies kinda... Feel really good when it's touched. Like, /really/ good, Anon. If you touch a pony on their tummy it should only be because you care about 'em. And with that, goodnight!"
>Brass leaves
>You're frozen in place
>During your dream
>You tickled Luna's belly
>She was squealing
>A lot
>And she woke up from it
>What if it wasn't because of the laughter
>What if it was because you made her c-
>NO!
>BRAIN?!
>DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT THOUGHT!
>You run into the bathroom, hoping there's enough hot water in the sink to make your hands feel clean again

>You are Brass Badge
>Former Solar Guard, and current head of prison security
>And you are very concerned about this new inmate
>When you received a missive from Princess Celestia about the new inmate, with a personal request to observe him, you knew he was going to be serious business
>The Sun Princess does not call in favors lightly, and she trusted you to carry out this task
>You'd believed it would be simple
>You saw some serious business in your days in the Solar Guard
>Border skirmishes with buffalo
>Rescue operations into changeling hives
>You'd even fought against the minions of Nightmare Moon during her short-lived return, before Princess Luna was returned to her senses
>So many tears
>So many boo-boos
>You'd thought yourself hardened against anything
>Yet this... this "human"...
>You didn't believe Warden when she told you about the incident with the guards
>You didn't believe that he could take a fully-charged stun spell and get right back up
>And you played off his boast about one of his people besting a minotaur
>Until you felt that horrific strength for yourself
>You are by no means a weak pony
>But your hoof is still shaking from strain
>And he showed no visible effort in trouncing you
>And he has magic resistance atop that?
>You had barely managed to keep your composure as you left, answering his final questions quickly
>You had to report this
>Her Highness had to know Anonymous was a disaster waiting to happen
>If another inmate set him off, or if he up and decided that he didn't want to serve his sentence, you wouldn't be able to do a darn thing to stop him!
>You gallop back to your office
>She'd be here soon, she wanted to hear your report in person
>You shove the door open, just as the room was filled with a blinding flash of sunlight
>Her Royal Highness Celestia, Bringer of Dawn, gazed down at you.
>"Good evening, Brass Badge. Your report?"
>You take a moment to catch your breath

"Your Majesty... After spending an evening observing the human and gauging his demeanor, I have reached my conclusion. He isn't safe to contain. Not here. He got into an altercation with the guards out of sheer anger the moment he set foot out of the carriage, and did not cease until Warden Sharp attempted to pacify him with a stun spell. The stun spell, according to Warden, was fully charged, and yet the inmate was only subdued for a matter of seconds. Not an hour. Not minutes. Seconds. I took the liberty of attempting to assess his physical strength as well. It was... I've never felt so helpless, and he was using only /one limb/. He's the closest thing I've seen to a sapient monster, and he cannot be contained here. We simply don't have the resources to-"
>"Is his demeanor violent?"
>The princess cuts you off midstream
"As reported, he attacked the guards-"
>"When he was angry, correct? And when he calmed himself, did he still show violent tendencies?"
"...no, ma'am."
>"Did you learn the cause for his wrath?"
"Socks are apparently normal attire for him and his folk. Taking that into account... I don't think he'd much care for the guards' usual treatment of creeps."
>Creep, of course, being the legal term for ponies, or in this case humans, who do creepy things
>Like wear socks in public
>L-lewd
>"And how did he act towards you? You met him hours after the incident, yes?"
"Correct, ma'am. He was... calm. Surprisingly so. Most first-time offenders are nervous wrecks when they arrive in prison, and yet... He wasn't. It was as if he weren't intimidated in the slightest by the idea of spending four weeks in the slammer."
>The princess' eyebrows rise
>"Four weeks? I believe I ordered him detained only until order was restored in the court?"
"Additional time for assaulting prison staff and foul language, your highness."
>"Hm... That will have to be remedied, and soon."
"Y-your highness?"
>What could she mean?

>"I wish to meet him. Did he name himself?"
"Y-yes, his name's Anonymous, but-"
>"Anonymous..."
>The princess rolls the name off her tongue, as if enjoying the sound of it
"Your majesty, are you certain of this?"
>"Yes. You said yourself the he is not inherently violent. You enjoyed your time with him, didn't you? Before he frightened you?"
>...yeah
>He was pretty nice, actually
>Some inmates can be real jerks to the guards
>Tripping them in the halls
>Shooting spitballs at them
>Rude messages scrawled on the door to the guard's lounge
>All terrors prison guards had to learn to deal with
>None of it from Anon
>Granted, he hadn't really been here long enough to cause much mayhem, but...
>You just didn't get the feeling he'd do something like that
"You're right, Princess. I... got ahead of myself. I should apologize!"
>Princess Celestia smiles
>"We can go see him together, then."
>You nod, leading the Princess back towards Anon's cell
>Hopefully he isn't asleep already!
>Wait
>You still have a couple questions
>As you walk, you turn to the princess
"Princess? If I may ask, do you know where Anon's from? He said his home is a place called Earth, but it seems strange to live somewhere named after dirt..."
>You miss the princess' eyes widening momentarily
>She takes a moment to respond
>"I believe Anonymous to come from another world entirely, Brass Badge. As for the name of Earth, it may seem strange, but believe it or not, I have heard it once before."
"Really? Does that mean you've met another human, Princess?"
>"What did you learn about Faust while you were in school, Brass Badge?
>Well that hardly seems relevant
>But you're not about to question the avatar of the sun
"Faust is the creator of this world, the eldest of the alicorns. She ascended even before your honored parents did, right?"
>Her majesty smiles
>"Correct on all counts but one! Faust was not, contrary to what is taught in schools, an alicorn. She was a human, from Earth."
>Wha...
>But...

"But... But Princess..."
>"Yes?"
>You're starting to hyperventilate
"That means... Anonymous... is kin to Faust...?"
>She hums
>"It's a possibility. I do not know how many humans there are."
>Oh
>Oh biscuits
>You
>Earlier
>The hoof wrestling
>YOU CHALLENGED AN ELDER GOD
>WHAT HAVE YOU DONE BRASS BADGE?!
>WHAT IF HE'S DISPLEASED?!
>[internal horse gasp]
>IS THAT WHY HE WAS ASKING ABOUT WHERE PONIES DON'T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED?!
>IS THAT THE PUNISHMENT HE HAS IN MIND?!
>You bolt down the corridor to Anon's cell, the confused princess hurrying to follow
>Maybe if you beg for mercy, he'll spare you!
>Or maybe the Princess can intercede! She knew Faust! She could calm him down!

>You are short one layer of skin on your hands, so you must be Anon
>You scrubbed like a motherfucker, trying to wash off the shame
>You inadvertently pleasured a horse princess
>Who can invade dreams
>And may or may not return tonight
>At least you'll be ready
>You're a lot of things, but a zoophile isn't one of them
>That'd be Uncle Incognito
>A frantic knock at your door brings you out of your haze of disgust and dread
>You move to check the door, only for it to explode open before you're even halfway across the room
>A frenzied Brass Badge appeared!
>"ANON I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE A GOD PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY NO-NO PARTS I'LL DO ANYTHING-"
>Jesus Christ, what's gotten into him? What's all this about you being a god?
"Look, Brass, we talked about this remember? Neither of us are into dudes. Just calm do-"
>You're cut off when you see someone else standing in the door to your cell
>It's her
>The Great White Horse
>The one at the court or whatever
>Her name was Celestia, right?
>What could she want?
>Oh!
>Maybe she found out that this was all a huge misunderstanding and she's gonna pardon you?!
>That'd be sweet!
>You mean, not like your stay has been bad or anything, but you wanna go home
>Emil's probably losing his shit trying to figure out where you're at

>...
>You've been waiting for her to say something, but she's just staring at you
>Mouth slightly agape
>Cheeks a little rosy
>You're getting weirded out
"...can I help you, Princess?"
>Better be polite if you want out of here
>She snaps out of it
>"Oh! No, I would never impose! Rather, it is I who should be offering you my service, High One!"
>nigga wut
>She steps into your cell and makes what appears to be the horse equivalent of a bow
>"It is my honor to stand in your presence, and it would be an even greater one to serve you, Kin of Faust."
>...Faust?
>That's a human name, unless there are little German horses running around somewhere
>Have humans been here before?
>Let's roll with it
>Maybe you can get her to help you get home
>Tell her your people need you or some shit
"Ahem. No need for formalities, Celestia. And yes, I do indeed require your aid."
>Fucking nailed the intro
>She looks really excited too
>Like when you tell your little cousins you'll let them play M-rated games behind their parents' backs
>C-cute
>"Truly? You need only speak your desire, and I will see it done!"
>Nice
>You've got a princess fawning over you
>Dad would be proud
"I require your aid in returning to my home realm of Earth. I was parted from it by forces unknown, and must return swiftly. My people have need of me."
>She's all wide-eyed
>"A-at once! I will return to the castle, and seek any clues as to how you were brought here. If we can determine that, we can work on how to return you! W-would you like to board at the castle while you wait?"
>Blush + lip bite
>U-unf
>NO!
>She's a horse
>A strangely attractive horse, but a horse all the same
>Now how are you gonna play this?
>...
>Let's stay here.
>For one, you'll just freak out more horses if you leave the prison
>For two
>You're pretty damn sure Luna's going to be in that castle
>And that's an encounter you'd rather not have

"I shall remain here, Celestia. Your ponies may not be ready for my presence just yet, and I find my lodgings sufficient. You may contact me whenever you wish."
>You're pretty decent at pulling off this big shot act
>You just wish you knew what she was talking about
>"O-of course! You may be correct, O Anonymous. My ponies can be rather excitable. I... I will be in regular contact with reports on our progress! I'll see you soon!"
>BLINDING FLASH O' SUNLIGHT OUTTA NOWHERE
"What the fuck?!"
>You fall on your ass like a sperg
>...she's gone?
>Was that magic?!
>Awesome!
>Warden wasn't kidding!
>Brass Badge is still here, and also dazed
>He's also looking at you with a mix of fear and awe
>"I-I must beg your pardon. I didn't know you were-"
>You hold up a hand, interrupting him
"Don't worry about it, Brass. We're still friends."
>His face lights up
>"Really?"
"Really. Thanks for bringing Celestia to see me."
>His face falls again, and he's staring at the floor
>"About that... I have a confession to make, Anon."
>Huh?
"What is it?"
>"I... I was asked to watch you by Princess Celestia. I didn't know why at first, but I guess it's since she holds you in such high regard. And she's here tonight because I was giving her my report. And... And I said..."
>Wow
>Whatever this is, it looks like it's tearing him up inside
>"...I told her you were really dangerous."
>...
>What, that's it?
"Brass... That's not something to apologize for. After all, it's the truth."
>He looks up at you
"I hurt those guards earlier, right? Plus, like with the arm wrestling earlier, I'm way stronger than ponies are. I could hurt someone by accident. You gotta help me stay out of trouble, alright?"
>He brightens up immediately
>"You got it!"
>He yawns
>"Oh... Sorry. It's getting late, Anon. We oughta head to bed."
>Cool, he's back to talking like he usually does
>Although you need to act like a god to keep up the illusion so Celestia helps you, you'd rather not be worshipped

"Alright. Goodnight for real, Brass. See you tomorrow."
>"Yeah! Goodnight Anon!"
>He heads out
>Alright
>Time to get amped out of your mind for a dream battle with Celestia's dream-stalking sister
>And figure out what you should do to combat her
>Power armor and a minigun still seems like a good option
>But should you make it shoot cotton balls or something?
>Celestia can't find out that you were trying to hurt her sister, dream or otherwise
>You don't actually /want/ to hurt her anyway
>Maybe make it shoot something sticky so she gets stuck or something?
>That'd work
>Plus, then she wakes up, tells Celestia about your badass (by their standards) combat skills, and reinforces the god image even further
>Perfect plan
>Let's do it
>You whip out your phone and put on some music to lull you to sleep
>After about half an hour, you drift off
>braceyourselfabluehorseiscoming.jpg
>You wake up in...
>...where the hell is this?
>It's a big-ass hallway
>Looks like it belongs in a palace
>But there's no windows or anything
>No side doors either
>It just leads to a pair of huge, ebony doors
>With a crescent moon emblazoned on either one
>You hear her giggle
>"Come, fair one. I await you."
>Her voice is coming from behind the doors.
>It's go time
>You stride down the hallway
>You'll /make/ her understand
>You throw open the doors
>Thar she blows
>You're in a pretty opulent bedchamber
>And she's right there, stretched out on the bed
>Trying to look sexy
>...kinda succeedi-
>NO WAI-
>She's already laughing again
>Shit
>Fucking mind-reading dream horse
>"You cannot hide your desires from me, certainly not after our last rendezvous! Come to me. My belly longs for your touch~"
>Goddammit
>You knew she'd be like this
>You fucked up when you tickled her belly last time
>Now she thinks you want it
>Time to set her straight and further cement your-
>...
>That was close
>"Cement your what~?"
>She's off the bed now, sashaying towards you
>Stupid sexy horse

>She stops just short of you, her face looking up into yours
>You've got a good few inches on her
>"Give in to your desires. I welcome it."
>God mode initiated
"I'll do no such thing. I am here not to woo, but to do battle for the sanctity of my mind, Princess of the Moon."
>She pouts
>"Do I not satisfy you...?"
>She turns slowly in place, showing her body
>F-fuck
>Her body looks pretty damn tight
>Ass so fat you gotta bite your lip
>And you can't help but-
>OHGODNODON'TSHIT
>You did the thing!
>Why did you do the thing?!?
>You imagined her in knee socks!
>She's got her hungry grin back
>"So socks /do/ hold some intimate significance with your kind... Most excellent to know. Now... /Behold/..."
>Slowly
>Agonizingly slowly
>Long, horizontally-striped blue-and-black socks materialize up her legs
>Shit
>Your fetish
>Your dick reacts
>You will never be clean again
>Time to play hardball
"I'll ask but once more. Leave me to peaceful sleep, or be driven from my mind! Choose!"
>She merely gives another fucking impossibly sultry grin in response
>"Then drive me, if you believe yourself capable! Show me your power, o beautiful dreamer!"
>You don't need any further invitation
"Gaze upon the might of the humans, insolent pony!"
>You close your eyes and focus
>You imagine the shape and size of the T-60
>The little details
>How it moves
>Everything
>The dream starts to bend around you, morphing the very air into the metal of your armor
>As the mask seals shut over your face, you see Luna suddenly looking a hell of a lot less sure of herself
>Excellent
>Let's drive that point home
>You focus on the minigun
>What should you make it shoot?
>Has to be something harmless...
>But it still has to make an impact
>Let's go with...
>Bouncy balls
>Hell yeah
>Those super balls you used to get from the quarter dispensers
>Alright
>You visualize the gun and its rotating barrel
>The dream shifts again, materializing the gun into your hands
>Time to test fire
>Luna's eyes are saucers

>The minigun spools up
>And fires for a split second
>Bouncy balls fly everywhere, bouncing all over the place and breaking shit
>...
>Maybe bouncy balls were too much
>Fuck it
>Let's just make it a Nerf gun
>Switch ammo
>The dream bends slightly again
"You will be spared the full might of human weaponry so you do not pass out. You will experience the /entirety/ of your punishment."
>She shivers
"Now... prepare your body!"
>Spool up and fire
>Foam darts
>Foam darts everywhere
>Luna's getting pelted
>She bolts from the room
>"M-most impressive! But this amount of pain is nothing! I shall not yield yet!"
>Huh
>Well, it kinda makes sense she'd be tougher than the average pony
>You follow her out the door, into-
>A garden maze?
>She can do some crazy stuff with dreams
>You slowly walk into the hedges, trying to keep your mind clear so she can't get an advantage
>You can hear her moving around somewhere though
>You continue your advance until you reach a huge clearing
>There she is
>With a fuckton of guards
>She's got her own battle armor on now too
>"You handle yourself well against one! But show me how you handle this! These ponies are from an age long past, they do not fear boo-boos!"
>...do those little horses have fangs?
>Damn
>This'll get ugly if you let them get close
>And your gun won't mow them all down in time
>Time for some gun mods
>Shredder
>Except with long, rubber strands
>Like one of those big spinny brushes in a carwash
>As for ammo
>Those little snaps you can get on the 4th of July
>You summon up a back-up weapon too
>You do your best not to think about what it does though
>Luna can't know or else she'll try to stop it
>You're ready
"Bring it!!"
>You open fire into the pony army
>They charge
>It's like the final battle scene from The Last Samurai
>They're getting mowed down left and right
>Except they're just squealing and cowering when the snaps go off against their armor
>But they're still coming
>Gotta give the little horses credit

>They hasten the advance, trying to reach you before you can hit them
>Some of them are flying at you
>You target those first
>They fall out of the air with yelps and squeaks as the snaps hit them
>You refocus on the ground forces
>They're nearly in melee range
>You angle the mini gun barrel for your rubber shredder to do its work
>Slappityslappityslap
>The first one gets it right in the face
>You keep swinging your gun, the rubber strands laying a (light) beating on any little horse that gets too close
>You've broken their morale
>They can't even touch you, and aren't sure what to do next
>A few spells hurtle towards you
>They've got unicorns
>The beams wash over you before you can will spell resistance into your armor
>You're pretty much fine anyway, just dazed for a few seconds
>The guards are thoroughly frightened now
>Luna...
>Looks aroused
>Shit
>She flies over the host of disheartened guards, landing in front of them
>"Do not lose heart! Did you allow your brothers and sisters to receive such terrible frights for naught?!"
>They're starting to get amped up again now that she's going to lead them personally
>Alright
>Time to end this
>You switch weapons...
>Pulling out a Fat Man
>But not just any Fat Man
>Luna scoffs
>"A mere shoulder mounted catapult? Hardly a threat! Your previous weapon was better!"
>You scoff right back
"You think to lecture me on my own people's tools of war? Learn the depth of your folly!"
>You bring the Fat Man to bear
>Pull the trigger
>Luna's magic catches one altered mini-nuke as it leaves the cradle...
>...But not the seven other ones
>Experimental MIRV, baby
>The mini-nukes explode
>With paint
>Ponies are getting fucking coated
>The dream guards give up
>They're either flying away or booking their shit out of the clearing
>Just you and Luna now
>A paint-covered, heart-broken Luna
>She's tearing up
>"Why...? Why do you resist so? Do you like our sister more?"
>Fuck
>That face
>It's your kryptonite
>You drop your weapon

>You disengage your power armor
>Luna looks on, slightly awed, as it opens and you step out
>You approach her
>...she's a mess
>She's got a bunch of paint all over her
>Some on her face
>Her tears running trails through it
>You're kind of an asshole for doing this
>You should try and explain
>Make her understand that you don't find anything wrong with her
"Come here, Luna."
>She shakily rises, sniffling
>You gently place a hand on her muzzle, turning her face up to look at you
>You will the paint away, restoring her and her battle armor to pristine condition
>You keep your hand resting gently on her face as you speak
"Luna, of the Moon. I find no flaw with you. Your beauty is something that I can find little comparison to, even among the wonders of my home."
>She visibly brightens
"I am simply unready to accept your affections. I am newly come to your lands, by events I neither willed nor desired. I've tasked your sister with securing a path for my return. Even if I were to take you into my arms right this moment, I could very well leave you tomorrow."
>She's back on the verge of tears again
>"W-why? Why leave? You could rule here! No sane pony would oppose it! You are kin to Faust, you are surely destined to be here!"
>There's that name again
>Should you ask?
>...no
>Not right now
>Luna needs comfort, not questions
"Because my old parents would go mad from grief. I am their only son, Luna. As we speak, my friends likely search for me, wondering what could possibly have become of me that I would go with no trace. Would you subject them to such sadness?"
>You also had a metric fucking ton of classwork you would need to catch up on after being gone for a day
>But that's not critical right now
>Luna sniffs
>"...no..."
>You rub her face a little
>She leans into it
>"...show me your world."
>What?
"What?"
>"Show me the world of humans. Your memories."
>Well shit, it's the least you could do
>But only the good stuff

>You gently reach around Luna and pick her up
>She squeaks
>You don't even try to mask your thoughts on how cute that was
>She's also pretty light 
>You change the dream
>You're back in your room in your apartment
>You set Luna down on the bed
"Remove your armor. I shall make this a comfortable experience for you."
>She blushes, but complies
>You arrange the blankets and pillows into a little nest, climb in, and pat your lap
>Luna looks ecstatic
>She scrambles over and does her best to fit her entire self onto your lap
>Doesn't quite work
>You pick her up again, moving stuff around and laying her down so the front part of her body lays on your lap, the back half on pillows, and then throw a blanket over the whole thing
>She leans her head against your chest
>That's one happy pony
>Right
>Showtime
>You close your eyes and concentrate, the rest of your room falling away from the bed, leaving only darkness
>At first
>You think you'll kick this off with a bang
>4th of July, in Washington D.C.
>When you open your eyes, your bed is now on the roof of your aunt's condo
>You've got a hell of a view of the Washington and Jefferson Monuments, as well as the Potomac River
>Luna's looking around, drinking it all in
>"Where is-?"
>CRACK
>"AAAGH!"
>The fireworks were massive, so their detonations could actually be felt
>She clings to you
"Peace, Luna. They are fireworks."
>She looks up and sees them, gasping
>"How pretty... Is this some festival?"
>Hm
>You could tell her the straight truth
>But you want to keep up the godlike image of your world
>Multiple nations and whatnot would somewhat cheapen that
>Let's twist it a little
"It is a yearly summer celebration, honoring camaraderie and good cheer. Fireworks are a mainstay of the festivities."
>Luna looks on in wonder, and examines the landmarks
>"The city is beautiful! Where is it? And that pillar, is it a monument? That domed building over there also stands out, the architecture reminds me of ancient Pegasi styling!"

"Yes. Both are monuments to famous humans. As for this city, it is the one of the most important on Earth."
>Her eyes widen
>"Is it your Canterlot?"
"Similar, yes."
>She accepts that
>She's content to just attempt to fuse her upper body to your lap and her cheek to your chest while she watches the fireworks
>"Most beautiful, Anonymous... Is this the city you reside in?"
"No. I live far away from here, but saw this sight when I came to visit an aunt."
>She looks up at your face
>"How many humans are there?"
>Ohhhhhh boy
>How do you field that one?
>You're not sure how she'd react to the real number...
>Hm...
>Plead ignorance?
"I do not know, exactly. But I have seen a great many of my fellows in my life."
>Which begets a whole other slew of questions from a rapt-at-attention Luna
>Some in a very quiet voice
>"And how old /are/ you? Are humans dominant in your world? Are there other species? W-What's your ideal age range for a m-mate? Have you met Faust? What powers do you hold? Do you like astronomy? Do you like females with hobbies...?"
>You shake your head, chuckling
>Is she trying to slip those in and hoping you'll answer unwittingly?
>Fucking cute
>You're going to tease her a little
"Oh my, Princess, I don't believe some of those questions pertain to my home?"
>...that's a bright shade of pink she just turned
>How does she do that with blue fur?
>"I-I demand you answer my-!
>Whoa
>The dream's shaking?!
>You look to Luna, who's looking up at you sadly
>"You are awakening... And we only got to see one memory..."
>You smile
"We shall just have to do this again tonight, won't we?"
>"T-truly?! Oh Anonymous, we adore you!"
>Heh
>Well
>Cuteness like /that/ can't go unpunished
>You plant a kiss on her forehead, right under her horn
>The last thing you see as the dream crumbles is her staring up you, biting her lip
>F-fuck, she's even better at that than her sister
>...
>Your eyes open, to see the ceiling of your cell

>You get up, checking your phone out of habit
>You realize you left it playing music all night during your dream adventures with Luna
>It's at about 40%
>Let's turn it off for now, conserve power
>After shutting it down and stashing it with your wallet and keys, you begin the morning trinity of activities
>Except no shave, because no razors in prison
>As you shower, you reflect
>You realize something
>You like Luna
>Last night was fun
>And it genuinely hurt you to see her so sad after the short battle against you
>You liked her sister too, though you'd interacted with her less
>Celestia was nice, and just as pretty as her sister
>And you vividly recall the look on her face when she invited you to stay at the castle
>Not even one day gone and a pair of ancient, quasi-immortal princesses with crazy powers wanted you
>Feels good man
>You finish up, grab one of the provided towels, and dry off, stepping into your room
>You realize something else
>Shouldn't you have a uniform or something?
>Everyone had one on back in the cafeteria
>You also don't have any proper clothes other than the ones you came in
>Right then, there's a knock at your door
>"Anon? Are you awake?"
>Brass?
"Hey Brass, don't come in just yet. Is there a uniform I can wear?"
>"Check your closet!"
>You check
>Yup
>Red prison uniform get
>After you get dressed, you head out into the hall
>Brass is there waiting
>"Good to see you found it. Ready for breakfast?"
"Heck yeah. Let's go."
>The pair of you head over the the cafeteria
>As you head in, you're met with a bunch of stares again
>You don't pay any heed this time
>You and Brass load up, grabbing a table towards the back
>You notice something
"Hey Brass, what do the uniform colors mean?"
>You can see a few different ones from here
>"Ah. Gray's low-level misdemeanors, orange is regular felons, and red is high-level felons. There's black too, but they eat their meals separately. Only the truly evil get black, Anon."
>Huh
>You're high-level then

>You continue eating and scanning the cafeteria
>The resemblance to a middle school isn't just in your head, it seems
>There's a bit of cliquish behavior at tables
>And you already know most of these horses have the pain tolerance & emotional maturity of middle schoolers anyway, so...
>Nah
>Actually
>That's kind of an insult to human middle schoolers
>Regardless, you aren't particularly worried about what they'll do
>You're a red-suit, plus you tower over them
>You doubt they'll even try anything with you, though there'll probably be a few guys with something to prove
>How will you handle that?
>Maybe Brass will take care of it? He's your chaperone, right?
>Yeah
>That makes sense
>You can't deal with it yourself
>You'd hurt them
>Whether physically or emotionally
>But maybe that'd be okay?
>Self-defense and all that?
>Let's ask
"Brass."
>"Yeah?"
"If someone tries to start something with me, can I defend myself?"
>He thinks for a moment
>"Well, I'll be with you most of the day since I'm your chaperone, but I will eventually have to go tend to paperwork... I'd say yeah. Just, you know, be careful. The difference in strength between you and average ponies is no joke. I can appreciate that you're a powerful being who shouldn't have to put up with nonsense like that, but it's just how bad ponies are. If someone bugs you while I'm not around, you can just get me their name and I'll deal with 'em later."
"Cool. I'll control myself."
>He chuckles
>"I sure hope so. Some of those guards you hurt are still in the infirmary."
>Oh come on!
>The worst they had were bruises!
>Little bitches
>You just laugh right back
"You ponies aren't too durable, huh?"
>That gets his attention
>"Boo-boos are serious business, Anon. Don't they hurt for you too?"
"Well, sure, but those guys from yesterday just got thrashed a little. It's not like I broke the skin, right?"
>"But bruises hurt! Ponies can't do their jobs when they're in pain!"
>Wow
>You're not sure how to respond to that

>The rugby enthusiast in you wants to make fun
>But you have an even better idea
"What's the worst you've ever been hurt?"
>Brass smirks, thinking he's going to get to show off how big of a boss he is
>"Took some changeling spit to the face on a raid. Itched. For. Days."
>That would be kind of badass
>If it did more than itch
>Now, initiate phase two
"You wanna know what one of the worst I've had is?"
>You have a grin on your face comparable to the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland
>Brass is conflicted
>He wants to know
>But at the same time he doesn't want to know what a "god" who can effortlessly beat up grown ponies would consider an injury
>"...sure...?"
>bueno.jpg
>You lean in conspiratorially
"Partially dislocated jaw."
>Brass blanches
"You wanna know why only partially?"
>He clearly doesn't
>You tell him anyway because you're a massive dick about stuff like this
"It didn't come all the way out. Only one side was dislocated."
>Brass bolts, a hoof over his mouth
>...
>Seriously?
>That wasn't even gory
>Aw well
>You could save your other rugby stories for later
>Or for the princesses
>Get rehab cuddles for your /terrible/ injuries
>Fuck yeah, that's an awesome plan
>You know what you're showing Luna tonight
>Rugby marathon
>Your scheming is interrupted by a voice
>"Hello Anon!"
>Oh!
>It's Warden!
"Hey, Warden! What's up?"
>She beams back
>"Just checking on our newest inmate! I hope you were comfortable during your first night in!"
"Definitely. What's the bed made out of, by the way? It's really nice!"
>She looks at you, slightly confused
>"Why, clouds Anon! What else?"
>Holy shit
>Is this nigga for real?
"How do you even make something like that?"
>"Pegasi, silly! They have the ability to touch and control clouds!"
>You'd have to meet one of these pegasi
>That sounds like it'd be cool to watch
"Neat! So, what's the plan for today?"
>"Brass Badge will show you the various clubs around the prison, and you'll pick one! Or more than one! Your choice!"

>She looks around
>"Where is Brass, anyway? He should be with you."
"He had to use the restroom."
>It wasn't a lie
>"Oh! Well, I'll wait with you then. Are you two getting along?"
"You bet. Brass is really cool, thanks for having him look out for me."
>You know that's not the only reason Brass is watching over you, but Warden was still a part of it
>She smiles
>"No trouble at all, Anon! I'm glad you two get along. Now, which club do you think you'll join? If you have any hobbies, then I'm sure there's a club for it!"
>She says that, but you doubt there's a club for vidya
>Probably isn't one for rugby either, the way these ponies are shaping up
>Maybe weights?
"Do you have a weightlifting club?"
>"I believe so, yes! A lot of inmates like to work out!"
>Oh ho
>Sweet
>College had royally fucked with your exercise routine, so this would be a nice chance to get some work in
"I'll check that one out, then."
>"Be sure to look at all the rest, too! Don't limit yourself!"
>She reminds you of your mom
"I got it, I got it. I'll give them all a look."
>"Great!"
>Brass comes back right then
>"Urgh... Good morning, Miss Sharp."
>"Good morning, Brass! Well, I'll let you two get to it!"
>Warden skips off
>You shoot a semi-apologetic smile at Brass
"Sorry about that pal. I thought you could handle it!"
>He gives you a look
>"Yeah, well, from now on, no more horror stories. I don't have any breakfast left in my gut to run on now, and my appetite's totally gone."
>You feel the tiniest sliver of remorse
>Just a little one
"Alright, so Warden tells me there's an exercise club. I was thinking I'd join that."
>"Sounds good. They hang out, naturally enough, in the weight room. I'll take you there."
>You both leave the cafeteria and head on your way
>A few winding turns through the prison, and you reach your destination
>A metal door, leading into a room that smells of chalk and iron
>There's a bunch of ponies in here, a couple minotaurs, and and some griffons

>All activity ceases as you and Brass enter
>One of the minotaurs calls out
>"Guard Captain. Who's the red?"
>Brass nods in his direction
>"Steel Eye. This is Anonymous. He wants to join."
>Wait
>Brass is the captain of the guards?
>He keeps talking
>"I've been assigned as his chaperone, so I'll be here observing while you guys get him squared away. No funny business."
>The minotaur nods, but someone else speaks
>"Hold up, copper!"
>It's a female pony
>A normal one, no wings or horns
>...she's pretty big
>Smaller than Luna, but bigger than Brass
>"Why do we gotta let a weirdo like him in? I bet he's weak anyway!"
>Oh
>/Do/ you now?
>Before you can express your snark, Brass replies
>"Sand Stone. I can personally guarantee you that Anon leaves nothing to be desired in strength. Now you let him in. Or no pudding."
>...
>Was that a threat, or...?
>Sand Stone backs down a bit
>"H-hold on! I'm just saying we should test him first. We're the strongest ones in the prison, we don't wanna have to spend time with a weakling!"
>There's a general murmur of assent
>Even from the minotaur from earlier
>Brass is getting frustrated
>"Now you listen here-!"
"Brass."
>He looks up at you
>"What?"
"I got this."
>He just looks you for a moment, then steps aside
>You step forward
>They all eye you up and down
>Sand Stone especially
"Look. You and I know talk is cheap. So just let me do a lift at my personal best weight, and then you can judge. Fair?"
>Sand Stone, after a moment more of staring at you, nods
>"Fair!"
>You walk further into the room, examining the equipment
>Most of it's for quadrupeds
>You wouldn't fit
>There's a bench rack that the minotaurs were using
>Alright, let's do that
"I'll do bench."
>Steel Eye nods approvingly
>"We'll get it wiped down for you. How much weight?"
>You think for a moment
>It's actually been a while since you tested your max on bench...
>Last you recall, you could just barely swing two plate for one
>Two plate is 225 lbs., so...

"Load 210 pounds."
>Better safe than sorry
>There's a moment of silence
>They explode into laughter
>Fuck!
>Are they really that strong?!
>You thought you had super strength by pony standards!
>What gives?!
>Sand Stone gets a hold of herself just long enough to speak
>"T-two hundred and ten?! Get this hot head outta here!"
>A griffon chimes in
>"You seriously think you can do that?! Look, kid, I get you want to impress us but that's just stupid!"
>Steel Eye rounds it all out
>"T-truly, youngun', you should consider your safety more. No mortal can bench 210."
>...
>...
>...
>Is this real life?
>2-fucking-10 is considered impossible weight here?
>Oh lord
>They better not let you anywhere near the squat rack
>Or let you deadlift for that matter
"Load the weight. I'll /make/ you believe."
>The laughter dies
>They're staring now
>Steel Eye speaks
>"...you're serious?"
"You gonna load the weight or not? I'm gonna blow your tiny little minds into orbit, dude. You'll need Luna's help to find your brain when I'm done."
>"Look, young one, even if we /had/ that much weight-"
>THEY DON'T HAVE 210 LBS IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING GYM?!
>"-we could not in good conscience allow you to make such an attempt. Just try some machines and-"
>Oh
>Fucking
>No
>You did not just fucking get relegated to machines like some New Year's resolutioner
>Your temper's starting to flare
>Brass can see it
>He's making eye contact with you, shaking his head frantically
>You take some deep breaths
>...
>Okay
>If they won't let you prove your strength
>You'll just have to shatter their confidence in theirs
"Fine. /You/ do some bench. Whatever weight you want. In fact, anybody is welcome to challenge me at anything. I'll match it or leave."
>Wide eyes all around
>Sand Stone speaks up
>"C-c'mon, Steel! Show him how it's done!"
>The minotaur slowly nods, still staring at you
>"Y-yeah. Steel Trap, load up."
>He and the other minotaur start loading weight onto the bar

>When they're done, Steel Eye climbs under
>Those plates look like toys, now that you look closely
>He unracks, and begins
>Steel Trap is spotting
>Are they brothers or what?
>Whatever
>First rep
>Second rep
>Third rep
>He's done
>Sweating like a mofo
>"There! 115, for 3!"
>The rest let out a cheer
>You, on the other hand, are really going to have fun destroying this dude's self esteem
>They wipe down the bench
>Steel Trap makes a mockingly polite gesture towards it
>"Alright, fresh face. Show us what you've got."
>You hear snickers
>That will soon be silenced
>You sit down on the bench and lay back
>Before Steel Trap's even in spotting position, you unrack
>Time to show them the power of the glorious human master race
>One rep
>Two rep
>Three rep
>Rack
>Didn't even slow down
>You sit up, not even sweating
>Jaws on the floor everywhere you look
>"Y-you...how...?"
>You snort
"Gains, that's how."
>You partially strip out of your uniform, showing off your upper body
>The ladies are impressed
>Sand Stone, the mouthy lady griffon from earlier, and a few other female ponies all have red on their faces
>The dudes aside from Steel Eye are fuming
>They know they're getting shown up
>Steel Eye's just got a thousand-yard stare going on
>One broken
>How many more?
"Who else?"
>"Me!"
>A male horse - stallion? yeah, that's the word - steps forth
>"I challenge you to leg press!"
>Little dude's digging his own grave
>You're hella strong with leg work
>And leg press is for bitches anyway
>Though since ponies can't really squat, you guess it's okay
>He loads weight onto the machine, then climbs in
>Interesting
>He's only using his back legs
>He disengages the safety catches, then starts
>One
>Two
>Three
>Four
>Five
>He's struggling
>A couple others step forth to spot
>He pulls out the sixth
>He gets out, obviously bushed
>"H-ha! Lemme see you match /that/!"
>Ask and you shall receive, little beta male
>You climb in the machine

>It's a bit of an awkward fit
>You have to get out and adjust the machine
>There, slightly less awkward fit
>You disengage safeties and begin
>You drive out for the first rep...
>Only to slam the machine against itself
>Holy shit
>What is this, 150?
>Fucking pleb
>You'll break him, right here right now
>You go double or nothing
>12
>Cranking them out with no drop in speed
>You get out of the machine and shoot the little nignog your best intimidating stare
"Doubled."
>He can't even speak
>Steel Trap's recovered somewhat
>"Alright, enough! I challenge you to deadlifts! 185!"
>They start freaking out
>"Trap, no!"
>"Too high, bro!"
>"Just let him join!"
>Trap's too fired up to back down
>"NO! I'll avenge my brother's honor right now!"
>He grabs a mat out of a closet, throws it on the floor, and grabs a barbell
>The other griffon, a male, starts helping him slide weights onto it
>It's ready
>But you can see he's nervous
>He's either never attempted this or attempted it before and hurt himself
>Doesn't matter
>It'll just make it more traumatic when you crank that shit out for 10
>He chalks up his hands and takes up position
>Everyone else is tensed up
>He bends down and grabs the bar
>Here we go
>He begins the drive
>Nothing happens at first...
>But the bar leaves the ground
>He's got it up to his knees
>...Cows have knees, right?
>Unimportant
>He's still pulling, but it's slowed to a crawl
>It doesn't look like he'll be able to lock out
>He keeps straining
>But gives out after a few more seconds of effort
>"Aw!"
>"You nearly had it, Trap! Good try!"
>"No worries, Trap. We'll get him with something else!"
>Like hell you will
>You're going to drive a stake through the heart of this bullshit
>As Trap steps away from the bar, you step up to it on the other side
>Facing all of them
>"Wh-?"
>"Wait! What are you doing?!"
>"Is he...?"
>Yup
>You said you'd blow their minds
>Here it comes
>You seize the bar and get in your stance
>Deep inhale
>Explode upwards

>You hit the apex and lock out
>First rep
>You stare them in the eye
>They're all dumbfounded
>You're not done
>You bring the bar back to ground
>2!
>3!
>4!
>5!
>6!
>7!
>8!
>9!
>10!!
>You set the bar down for the last time
>Two ponies have fainted
>Sand Stone can't bring herself to make eye contact with you
>The Steel brothers look like they're about to cry
>The griffons are just staring, beaks slightly open 
>You can't help but grin
"Where's all that smack talk at /now/, huh?!"
>The door suddenly opens
>"Hey guys, sorry I'm late-"
>Somebody walks in
>You turn to see-
>...
>Oh
>So /that's/ what lady minotaurs look like
>Neat
>She's got really nice...
>Eyes
>Shit, she caught you staring
>You quickly sit and look down at the mat, "catching your breath"
>You're really just praying she doesn't realize you were sperging out over her
>"What's going on in here? What happened?!"
>She's caught sight of the passed out equines
>"Magnolia!"
>Trap and Eye fling themselves at her, cowering behind her
>It'd be funny if it wasn't so sad
>"This guy-! This guy just-!"
>"He just deadlifted 185! For /ten/!"
>She slowly turns to face you
>"...you can't be serious. For ten?"
>You're starting to come down from your mixed high of testosterone and indignation
>...and realizing that you just acted like the /exact/ kind of douchebag you fucking hate to see at the gym
>Fuck...
>Damage control time
>You make to get up, only to find Magnolia leaning down right in front of you
>Sweet Jesus
>"Did you really do it?"
"Y-yeah."
>Real smooth
>You weren't kidding about her eyes earlier
>Obviously she's got a fucking dynamite rack too
>Her shirt barely contains it
>But her eyes are a nice dark green
>You try to collect your spilt spaghetti
"They weren't gonna let me join unless I proved I was strong. And they didn't believe me when I told them how much I could lift, so I kinda got a little worked up. Sorry."
>"Sorry?! Don't be sorry! That's incredible! /I'm/ sorry about how they treated you!"

>She turns and glowers at what you're now presuming to be her siblings
>"What have I told you guys about hazing folks who want to join?"
>They shake their heads
>"It was Sand's idea!"
>Sand Stone waves her hooves wildly
>"Hey, don't throw me under the carriage! I was just saying what we were all thinking!"
>Magnolia stomps
>"Regardless of whose idea it was, it has to stop! It's why nobody else joins!"
>She turns back to you
>"Sorry again. I'm Steel Magnolia! What's your name?"
>She extends a hand
>You do the same
"I'm Anonymous."
>"It's nice to meet you Anonymous! And after a performance like /that/, you are most definitely welcome in the weights club!"
>Sweet
>The remaining hour in club time goes by quickly after that
>The other members apologize for what they said
>You apologize for being a massive faggot
>Balance is restored
>Everybody's pretty nice
>If more than a little in awe of you
>You repeated your set of 10 for Magnolia when she said she wanted to see it
>You have another fan now
>"Bye Anon! See you tomorrow!"
>She waves goodbye as she leaves with her brothers
>You and Brass leave shortly after
>You wonder why minotauresses look so... human
>Like, her face wasn't anywhere near as cowish as her siblings'
>Combine that with her huge tracts o' land, and it explains why she had such an effect on you
>"You did good back there."
>Brass interrupts your thoughts
>Probably for the best
"You think?"
>"Yeah. Admittedly, you went kind of crazy, but you handled it without violence and no feelings were hurt. I'm proud of you, Anon."
>You smile
"Thanks, Brass. Where to now?"
>"Well, we can keep checking out clubs if you feel like. They're scattered throughout the day so inmates can attend more than one if they so choose. Or, you can just relax in your cell. It's gonna be a while yet before lunch."
>Hm...
>You're hungry more than anything.
>You don't really feel like doing anything else either.
>I think I'll chill in my room. Can I get a book somewhere?"

>"Sure. You remember seeing the library when Warden gave you the tour?"
>Oh yeah
>You were still reeling from how not-serious all this was, so you didn't really pay attention
>But you do recall seeing a library
"Yeah. Let's go."
>You begin the journey
"How much paperwork do you have to do, Brass?"
>"Nothing crazy. There's a bunch of research groups that want access to you, but the Princesses have restricted them to photos and written reports. I gotta write one up, and then we need to take some pictures later so we can get them off my back."
"Alright. We can do that now, if you want."
>"Nah. Lemme figure out how I'm gonna structure it. I'm not sure what's okay to tell them, so I have to drop Princess Celestia a letter first. Since I'm priority mail now that I'm your observer, I'll probably get a reply before dinner, and then we take photos, and then I finish the report."
"Sounds like a plan."
>Arrive at the library
>Librarian looks concerned that there's a red-suit in here
>"C-can I help you?"
"Yeah. I was hoping to find some history books. Like, history of the world? When and how it was formed?"
>Librarian brightens up
>"Certainly! I have a copy of the Encyclopedia of Equestria! I'll go grab it for you!"
>She scampers off
>...
>Equestria?
>Really?
>That's like naming Earth Anthropomorphland or some shit
>Whatever
>It's the sisters' country, they can do whatever they want with it
>The librarian returns
>"Here you are!"
"Thanks. When does it need to be back by?"
>She looks confused
>You're confused
>"I'm not sure what you mean. You just keep it until you're done with it!"
>...you won't make this anymore complicated than it needs to be
"Gotcha. I'll do that then."
>She waves as you leave, and you return the courtesy
>Brass questions you as you walk out
>"What do you want an encyclopedia for? They're terrible reading. And what was that about when the book needed to be back by?"
"I need to learn more about Faust and who she was, and Equestria in general."

"As for the due date thing, I just kind of assumed that libraries here would be the same as libraries back home."
>"Huh. That's not really a thing for us. I mean, I hear Celestia's pupil has a weird system where she expects books to be returned after a week, but why not just let ponies hold on to them until they're done?"
>Strange
>At least Celestia's pupil, whoever she is, seems to get it
>What the fuck kind of library can't guarantee when it'll have its books back? What if someone else wants to read it?
>Aw well
>You reach your cell
"Alright. Unless you want to sit around and watch me read, I'll see you at lunch time."
>"Sounds good. I'll see you then."
>Brass heads off as you enter your cell
>Sit down at your little table and get reading
>At least the stuff you want is right at the beginning
>Faust
>It says in the book that she was an alicorn
>What's that? Is that what Celestia and Luna are?
>That'd be weird though
>Why would Celetia call you "Kin of Faust" if Faust wasn't even your species?
>She's supposed to check in at some point with a report on how the investigation into your arrival is going
>You'll ask her then
>But you can't do it in a way that hints at you not understanding who Faust is...
>Hm...
>You'll cross that bridge when you're there
>You keep reading
>The encyclopedia's honestly not much help with the subject
>It seems that the only testimony they have is the sisters'
>And they say Faust /drew/ the world into being
>With what? A magical pen?
>This is making no sense
>Are they expecting you to have a power like that too?
>You're garbage at drawing
>Shit
>You won't be able to keep your facade up if they ask you to show them your power
>Better hope Celestia finds that way home soon
>You feel terrible for Luna, but...
>You can't turn your back on the people you left on Earth, regardless of how nice it is here
>You read on, leaving "The Age of Myth" behind and getting into Equestrian pre-history
>Shit's gay

>There's literally no armed conflict
>Well, none as you know it
>There's pie fights
>And other stuff involving non-lethal ammunition and/or name-calling
>And this is /before/ civilization?
>What do they do in conflict now? Rock-paper-scissors?
>Fucking ponyland
>Ah, this looks interesting
>Nightmare Moon, huh...
>...
>Oh
>Luna...
>Jesus, /a thousand years/? And she only came back within the last decade?
>Poor girl...
>And over something so silly!
>That's kind of what happens with a failed coup though
>The leader always gets the severest punishment
>And it probably hurt Celestia to do that
>You're going to snuggle the fuck out of Luna while you're in dreamland
>1000 years alone...
>Ugh
>Moving on
>You stop reading a little while later
>There wasn't much else you needed to know
>Though this "Discord" guy sounded interesting
>He was first mentioned in the prehistory period
>So, did Faust not create him? If so, what did?
>Reading that book just gave you more questions
>And you're still really hungry
>...
>Maybe there's a cooking club around here?
>Gotta be
>Maybe they'll give you free food if you join
>You could at least fix yourself something to eat if they let you in
>You'd just have to be back before Brass came to get you
>It's not like you explicitly said you'd stay here the whole time
>Besides, what could go wrong?
>You get jumped by a bunch of pillow-wielding ponies who regard bruises as serious injuries?
>Chuckling at the thought, you head off into the prison in search of free food

>You are now Brass Badge
>Anon successfully joined the weight club after some initial difficulties
>Warden will be pleased to hear he's integrating
>For now, you have to write that letter to the princess concerning her opinion on what information about Anon should be released
>And then it's all easy paperwork until you get your response, and then you can begin work on Anon's "file" for the eggheads
>Today's going so well, and it's not even lunch yet!

>You head into your office and get down to business
>Letter to the Princess first
>Then processing guard reports
>Then weekly report to Warden
>Hopefully be done by lunch
>Let's do this
>You get out your pen and a short length of scroll, and write out:
>Attn: HRH Celestia
>Priority sender: Brass Badge
>Your Majesty,
>I've received a number of requests from various scientists privy to Anonymous' arrival in Equestria seeking access to him for study purposes. Knowing the import his identity holds, I thought it best to defer to you on the matter. Please advise.
>There!
>Short and to the point, like all official documents should be
>Screw those noble dinguses and their pompous ways
>Just another small reason why you're kinda glad you aren't a guard anymore
>Now, just dip it in the dragon fire candle, and...
>Sent!
>Now, let's hammer out the rest of this!
>You're midway through the guard reports when a scroll appears in a burst of flame over your desk
>Already?!
>Wow
>You knew the princess considered Anon high priority, but still
>That's crazy fast
>Well, let's take a look...
>...
>Huh
>Alright
>Better go give Anon some heads up
>Her highness wants to conduct the interviews herself, and she's coming sometime today!

>You're tall, dark, and hungry, so you're probably Anon
>You have stumbled upon the cooking club
>They were a little unnerved
>You have a bad rap
>But after some calm conversation, you are now formally inducted into their ranks
>You weren't sure about the logic of a cooking club held before lunch, but they're really more of a baking club
>They make desserts that you're /supposed/ to save for after lunch
>lolnope
>Too hungry for that shit
>They're making chocolate layer cake today
>You help out
>You're willing to accept the compromise of no food now in exchange for more food later
>You're automatically guaranteed a slice just for helping!
>Nice
>It's nearly done
>This thing's gonna be delicious

>Back to being the brassiest Badge you ever saw
>Headed back towards Anon's room
>You hope that encyclopedia helped him out
>He's probably still reading it
>Those things were thick
>Equestria had a long and not always harmonious history
>But from what you've seen of Anon, you doubt it'll even phase him
>Partially dislocated jaw...
>You shudder
>Nothing should have to go through that
>You arrive outside Anon's door, and give it a knock
"Anon? It's me."
>...
>Huh
>No response
>Did he fall asleep from reading the encyclopedia?
>You chuckle
>Even elder gods can get bored, it seems!
"I'm coming in!"
>You open the door
>No response
>No Anon
>The encyclopedia's on the table
>No bathroom light on
>No nothing
>...
>Okay
>Remain calm
>Yes, there is presently an ancient being of immense power on the loose
>But he's a /nice/ ancient being
>Except when he gets mad
>Then he's a wrathful eldritch horror with the strength of ten draft ponies, incomprehensible resistance to magic, and by reports, the foulest mouth ever heard
>Nevermind
>Time to panic
>You need to find him NOW
>To the PA system!

>Back to being nameless
>Er, Anonymous
>Cake's done
>Apparently it was a member of the cooking club's birthday today!
>You stuck around for a bit of festivities
>And more free food on top of the party games
>It was a good time
>Not really your kind of party though
>But anyways, you are now on your way back to your cell with a hugeass slice of chocolate layer cake
>Aw yiss
>You will enjoy this
>Just as you arrive, though, you notice two things
>Your door is open for some reason
>And Celestia is peering in
>Did she come to visit you?
>Alright
>Code input: tgm
"Greetings, Celestia. What brings you to me?"
>She jumps a little
>"Anonymous! I cry your forgiveness, I saw your door was open and merely thought-"
"Be at ease, Celestia. You've committed no offense. Come inside, and converse."
>You usher her in
>...did she style her hair? Er, mane?
>Same difference
>And it looks nice

>You close the door behind you, and turn to face Celestia
"If I may, you look very beautiful with your mane like that."
>She reddens
>Fuck yeah, brownie points get
>"It pleases me that you think so, Anonymous. I come today to-"
>She cuts off
>You're not sure why at first
>Then you follow her eyes
>...
>She's staring at your slice of cake
"Celestia?"
>"O-Oh! I, er, I'm sorry, it's just... That... Looks excellent..."
"Would you like some?"
>Her face lights up
>"I certainly would! Thank you!"
"I'll split it with you, then."
>You sit down at your table, and pull out another chair for her next to you
>She sits, and notices the encyclopedia
>"You've been studying?"
"I have, yes. I wished to learn more about your history, and your written language is the same as ours."
>Alright
>This next bit's fucking crucial
>She /will/ ask if you know Faust at some point
>There's no way she could expect there to be seven billion of what she considers to be elder gods running around on Earth, so she'll likely assume that it's either just you and Faust or a small pantheon of humans
>You also have to match your story about Earth and humans to what you've already told Luna
>Time to put that silver tongue to work, Anon
>"Wonderful! And yes, Faust gave us that script. It's lovely to know that she blessed us with the same text you and your kin use."
>You just nod, and reach for the plate of cake, only to realize you only had one fork
"Ah. Pardon me, Celestia, it seems I only have one fork. I'll go get another."
>You move to rise, but Celestia rests a hoof on your hand
>"I don't mind sharing. Unless swapping a little spit with a lowly pony offends you...?"
>Oh
>Wow
>Seems like both sisters are pretty forward
>And this one's a bit of a tease, if that coy smile is any indicator
>You can't help but smile back
"I do not mind at all."
>You offer her the fork
>A golden aura forms around it, and it floats out of your hand
>You can't get over how fascinating that is to watch

>Celestia cuts off a bit of cake, daintily eating it and passing you the fork
>She speaks as you cut in
>"May I ask you something?"
"Certainly."
>"What is Earth like?"
>So she's curious too
>Nice
>If you can keep this about Earth, maybe she won't ask you about your powers
>And subsequently discover your lack thereof
"It is quite different from your kingdom. But not necessarily in a negative way."
>She tilts her head slightly, mane falling over one eye
>fuckthat'scute.jpg
>"Oh? Please elaborate."
"Our world is covered in human works, in our structures and creations. Nothing can oppose us on Earth, and compared to times long gone, there is very little we do not know of it. Here, in your kingdom, there is still wild, still mystery, still... Adventure. It is rather beautiful."
>The encyclopedia told you about the Everfree Forest and other places like it
>You eat your bit of cake, and offer her the fork back
>She asks another question as she cuts off her next piece
>"Tell me of your works. I would hear what wonders you have wrought."
>Fuck yeah
>You're a science major who loves his field
>Time to blow this princess' mind
>After some light teasing
"Oh? Do you believe your mind ready for the knowledge, Celestia?"
>You allow a small smile onto your fave to let her know you're just poking fun
>She smiles back, as she lifts up her piece of cake
>"My mind is open, and ready. Bless this lowly creation of humans with knowledge of what others you have created."
>Ah, that's right
>She's technically a human achievement
"Great constructs, of steel and glass and stone, reaching unto the sky itself. We have tamed lightning, and use it to power many of our more base creations, the great machines. We bend light, put measuring stick to the flow of time, and outrun sound."
>She sure as hell wasn't expecting that
>Her eyes are wide as she eats her bite of cake
>Her mouth seems to linger on the fork, as if sucking all the frosting off

>You continue
"You and your ponies are special, however. I'd never seen anything like you before I came here."
>She pulls the for from her mouth and passes it to you
>"It rather pleases me that we are unique among the works of your mighty race. And tell me Anonymous, what do you create?"
>Here it is
>You think you can pull this off
"I-"
>You're suddenly interrupted by a crackling over what must be the prison PA system
>"HRGHGLINMRTANRNYMURSISTRRRTRNTRHRSCERLLERTWURNCE! *click*"
>...
>Fuck was that?
>Celestia's weirded out too, but shrugs it off
>"I'm sure it was nothing concerning us. Please continue."
>She's scooting her chair a little closer to yours
"As I was saying, creation is not my purview."
>She's confused at this
>"What?"
>Some humans, such as Faust, create. They spend their time creating things like your world. Others study what already exists, and how to manipulate it. I am one of these latter."
>It was kind of true
>Faust sounded like an artist of some sort
>And you were a scientist
>A third-year undergrad with not a published page to his name, but still a scientist
>Celestia's leaning against you now
>"/Most/ interesting... And that would be how you brought about those great feats you spoke of earlier?"
"Indeed. Your sister visits me in my dreams. If you desire proof, I shall simply show her."
>"Oh, I could never be so insolent as to doubt your word. And I am well aware of my sister's... /advances/ on you. She speaks often of it."
>...unsure of how to feel about that
>Celestia leans further into you, her voice down to a breathy whisper
>"So scandalous... Rubbing her belly, besting her in battle in her own territory with your mighty weapons, and then comforting her with sights of your world and a /kiss on the forehead/..."
>...Is this how Uncle Incognito sees horses?
>Because
>You mean
>Damn
>Luna was master of cute and the lip bite
>But her sister...
>That fucking smoldering stare is reducing you to jelly

>"It makes me happy that you would show such kindness to my overeager sister even after she pestered you so much. At one point, I was truly afraid that we could possibly anger you. But now... All I wish to know... Is what I have to do to be graced with your affections...?"
>Holy shit, this is fucking hot
>You've never had a girl come on this strong to you before
>But wait
>You're kind of already romancing her sister
>Is this okay?
>You're not exactly a paragon of virtue
>But you like to think you're a man of decent morals
>And this feels wrong
>You attempt to pull away from Celestia
>Keyword: attempt
>She simply leans all the more, maintaining bodily contact with you
"Celestia. If you already know that I care for Luna, then why do you still come courting?"
>She softly laughs
>"Because I do not think an existence such as yourself should be limited to a single outlet for his love."
>...
>Boner
>This is a terrible fucking time for you to show up
"A-And Luna agrees with that?"
>Shit
>Couldn't keep the stutter out of your voice
>A smug smile works its way onto her face
>She's making a /really/ convincing case
>You slowly get out of your seat and back up, finally breaking contact, except she's following you
>"Yes. At least, she will."
"You've not asked, then."
>"It simply slipped my mind. When she told me of all the things you did for her, I could contain myself no longer. I came here to do this. Obviously, learning more about you was a treat, but..."
>You've backed up against the edge of your bed, stumbling
>Before you can right yourself, she gives you a light push
>You fall onto it
>"...Not quite the treat I was looking for."
>She crawls onto your chest
>Fixing you with those eyes the whole time
>Your dong is at maximum expansion
>This is happening
>You're about to sink to the same depraved depths as your good old uncle
>So why are you looking forward to it so much?
>She's leaning in
>You can't help but start to lean up to meet her

>Your faces are inches apart-
>"Anon, you better be in here!"
>OHFUCKWHAT
>Both you and Celestia are startled by the sudden shouting
>Your door bursts open
>In barges an angry Brass Badge
>"Look, I know you can control yourself, but you can't just-"
>He sees you and your "guest"
>Dead silence
>"...Ah. Well. I see the princess found you. I'll, uh... I'll go now."
>He backs out of the room, closing the door behind him
>Goddammit Brass
>You took the mood and dropped a fucking nuke on it
>Celestia's beet red
>She must not have been expecting any interruptions
>Or she's just not into being public with her affections
>Either way, you're not letting this opportunity pass
>"W-Well... Shall we-eep!?"
>You flip the positions, pinning the horny pony princess under you as you straddle her belly
"I'll admit, you nearly had me there, Celestia. You and your sister's charms are quite effective on me."
>You lean in, getting a good look at her light-purple eyes
"However..."
>You run a hand up her belly
>The gasp that comes out of her mouth transforms your dick into a diamond rod
>You used to love making your ex-girlfriend make those same gasps
"I like to be on top."
>You keep rubbing, nothing like the brief tickling you gave Luna
>Celestia's head lays back, tongue lolling out of her mouth
"Now... Were you a good girl? Did you look into what brought me here?"
>"I... I-ah!-am personally leading... The investigation-mm!-High One... But..."
>She's gonna give you an ego trip if she keeps calling you stuff like that
>Doesn't mean you don't like it though
>She looks meekly up at you, equal parts lust and hurt in her eyes
>"Do you truly wish to leave us...?"
>You rub into her belly even harder
>She moans, throwing her head back again
"I must. If Luna related our conversation to you, you would understand my reasons."
>"B-But-! Ahh~!"
>You don't let her finish
>You're having a hard time convincing yourself you have to go home as it is
>Two princesses lusting after you plus godhood?

>Still, you couldn't keep this shit up forever
>They're bound to find out you're not actually a god sometime
>And then you'll be fucked
>Not in the sexy way, either
>You had to go home, back where you belong
>And hopefully graduate college despite the derailment this whole incident caused
>As sad as these two princesses would be...
>It had to be done
>Celestia musters up the willpower and effort to look at you again
>"I beg you to-unh!-reconsider! Stay with us! Luna and I-"
"Are lovely. The both of you. But I will not be shaken on this."
>Accept it
>Accept it
>For fuck's sake, just give up, Celestia
>You can't handle any more temptation
>Celestia leans back, sadness apparent on her face
>Success
>But at great cost to your conscience
>You lean in close
"Do not despair. For whatever short time I am here, I will give you all the affection you desire."
>Her eyes light up
>"T-Then... A kiss..."
>You can't help but smile
>Such an innocent thing to ask for
"Of course."
>You lean in, and gently meet her waiting lips
>She doesn't seem to initiate any tongue, so you don't either
>Maybe she's not into that
>Regardless, the kiss lasts until she finally breaks it, gasping from your continued assault
>"I... I can't... I'm going to..."
>Alright
>Think Anon
>What'd Brass say about where you shouldn't be touching ponies?
>...
>The nose was one
>Is it erogenous?
>Time to find out
"Do it. Succumb to the pleasure, Princess of the Sun."
>You bring one hand up
>And press it into her nose
>Her eyes roll into the back of her head as she squeals
>Round one is your victory
>She lies collapsed on your bed, panting
>You move over her and take her head into your lap, stroking her mane
>She coos at the extra attention, rubbing her cheek into your leg
>"T-Truly... I was unprepared... Such pleasure..."
>Heheheh
>She ain't seen nothing yet
>The sex hasn't even happened
>And it's gonna happen
>You're too turned on for it to not
"It's not over, Celestia. A moment's rest, then we continue."

>Celestia looks up at you, slightly confused
>"It's not...?"
>...
>Does she have no stamina? A one-n-done? All you did was foreplay at best
>Wait
>What if-?
"Celestia, how do ponies reproduce?"
>She turns beet red
>"H-How indeed... Well... Copulation...?"
>Alright
>So she knows what it is
>That's a start
"And you know how to perform it?"
>She averts her eyes, answering in a tiny voice
>"...belly rubs...?"
>...
>Faust
>Wherever you are
>This shit is ridiculous
>You can't just create an entire fucking world
>And have the populace reproduce through belly rubs
>Like
>How does that even-
"And that produces offspring...?"
>Her face is so hot she might light your pants on fire
>"Y-yes..."
>Alright, you've badgered her enough
"You rub her face comfortingly
"Forgive me. It is simply... Different from human ways."
>She shrinks a little
>"Did I displease you...?"
>Aw fuck
>Reel it in
"No, no. I was simply confused for a moment."
>"How do the humans do it? Do you-?"
"I'm familiar with it. I am more than happy to teach you, if you think you are ready."
>You're still horny as a high school freshman, but...
>You're no Bill Cosby, and you refuse to leave this world a criminal
>...well, you refuse to leave as a sex offender at any rate
>...Is public indecency a sex crime...?
>Whatever
>She has to be okay with it
>You look down at her, awaiting her response
>She's pretty clearly torn
>On one hand, she wants to find out what it's like
>On the other, she's worn out from the rubbing you gave her earlier
>Maybe the noseboop had something to do with it too
>Plus, from her point of view, you're essentially going to be enacting some freaky elder god rite of offering her body to you
>You'd be freaked out too
>Let's decide for her
"Never mind, Celestia. I can see that you are not ready."
>"What?! No, I can! I wish to-!"
>You place a finger over her lips
"We shall try another day. For now, rest."
>She relents, resting her head in your lap again
>"Can we at least cuddle?"

>Cuddle a giant, strangely attractive horse whose fur feels like sun-warmed velvet?
>Hell yeah
"Certainly!"
>You readjust yourself until your head is right next to hers, and pull her in tight
>She wraps her hooves around your chest and extends a wing over you both
>This
>This is great
>Time passes
>You're not sure how long
>Both of you were too content to care
>But she eventually makes a little sigh
>"I've been away too long. I should return to the castle."
"You sure?"
>She laughs lightly
>"I'm just as comfortable as you are, but yes, I must. This was lovely, Anonymous. Thank you."
"Call me Anon."
>Her cheeks turn a little red
>"Such an honor..."
"It's hardly an honor, Celestia. All those that I respect or care for may call me such."
>"T-Then... I shall visit you again soon, Anon."
>You both get up, and you open the door for her to leave the cell
>She turns to you
>"And when I do..."
>She leans in
>"/Teach/ me."
>She vanishes in another bright flash
>You're kind of ready for it this time
>After rubbing your eyes a bit, you try and figure out what to do next
>...
>Brass
>He walked in on you
>He's pretty bro-tier, but you can never be too sure
>Better go make certain he didn't tell anyone
>You head off down the hall towards his office
>You knock on the door upon arrival
>"Come in!"
>Open the door
>Brass makes eye contact with you and freezes
>"Anon! Uh... Er..."
"It's fine, Brass. Just don't tell anyone, yeah?"
>He shakes his head
>"Nobody'd believe me if I did anyway."
"Cool. So when's lunch?"
>He looks at you for a moment, then snickers
>"Anon, lunch ended half an hour ago!"
>You were cuddling Celestia that long?
"When's dinner?"
>"In five hours. You've got a long wait ahead of you, pal."
>Fuuuuuuuuuuuck
>At least you still had some leftover cake from your trip to the cooking club
"Alright... When you're done with whatever it is you're doing, can we go check out more clubs or something?"

>"Nope. No afternoon clubs. You've got about an hour and a half of post-lunch nap left, then all inmates to the courtyard for socialization and recess."
>...
>bruh.avi
>Recess?
>Fucking horseland
>If human prisons were like this maybe people would actually come out reformed
>...nah
>They'd just kill each other so they'd never have to leave
"Alright. I'll just hang around in my room 'til then."
>Brass gives you a look
>"Don't wander off this time."
"Aw, c'mon! Nothing even happened! I've been behaving!"
>Brass waggles his eyebrows
>"Yeah? You /behave/ well for the princess, too? She looked pretty in-control back there!"
>Whoa-ho
>This horse got a mouth on him
"I dunno about that. She was moaning pretty loud when I /booped her nose/."
>Brass turns a dark crimson
>"You- Wha- Anon! You can't seriously mean you did that to-"
"What's the matter Brass, never booped a mare's nose before? I guess it'd be hard to get it just right with those hooves. Me, on the other hand..."
>You waggle your fingers
>Brass just harrumphs through his embarrassment
>"G-Get outta here! Go back to your room!"
>Laughing, you take your leave
>Brass is alright
>He's a bit of a prude, but still cool
>And a veteran, if you understood his story correctly
>Raiding a "changeling hive" sounded like some army-type shit
>What are changelings, anyways?
>Put it in the stack of questions to ask Luna tonight
>You get back to your room and get out your phone out of habit, but stop
>You're only at 40%...
>Should you really use it?
>...no
>Save it
>Show it to Celestia next time she comes by, to prove your claims about human accomplishment
>She said she believed you without proof, but if you're gonna be a god, you're gonna be the kind that has cool relics
>Like a Daedric Prince
>Fuck, you miss games
>You decide to pick up the encyclopedia and read some more, just to kill time
>There wasn't much else of interest until you worked your way up to "Modern Era"

>"Elements of Harmony"
>Six ponies, who have supposedly put down a whole lot of bad guys
>Even Luna's crazy form and that chaos god you read about earlier
>Twice, in his case. The book also claims he's reformed now
>Why would he have to reform, though? The book makes him out to be nearly unstoppable
>Except for these six little ponies, apparently
>What do the Elements actually do?
>You continue musing as you start to look around for that slice of cake you had
>...strange, it should have been...
>It should have been right here, on your table!
>What happened!?
>You didn't take it anywhere
>And the only other living beings who knew you had it were the members of the cooking club and-
>...Celestia
>Goddammit
>You only had like two bites!
>When did she even take it?
>You're not /teaching/ her shit until she gets you another cake to make up for it
>She's a princess, she has to be able to do at least that much!
>Shit, this is the hungriest you've been in a while
>Right then, there's a knock on your door
"It's open!"
>In walks Brass
>"Time for recess, Anon. Let's go."
"Sure."
>You leave the open book where it lies, heading out the door with Brass
"So, everybody's gonna be out there, huh? Even those black-level inmates?"
>"Yep. The black-suits have their own sectioned off area, but they'll be out there. You really shouldn't try to socialize with them though."
"Isn't that the whole point of this?"
>"They aren't exactly the sociable type, Anon. They're more likely to say mean stuff about your mom and try to bully you into becoming their underling or something."
"Underling? So there's gangs in here?"
>"Kinda. Several black-suits have a small gaggle of lower-class criminals to sneak them extra pudding and whatnot."
>That pudding /was/ pretty good
"So, what are they all in for?"
>"Multiple counts of violence and hurt feelings, as a general rule. But there's special cases too."

"Special cases like what?"
>"Like griffon nobility. And a serial smacker."
"...A what...?"
>"A serial smacker, Anon. It's terrible business. He ran around smacking ponies for no reason. Sometimes he'd even get the same pony multiple times!"
>You try your hardest not to laugh
>You really do
>But a snicker escapes you
>Brass whips his head around at you, glaring
>You hold your hands up apologetically
"Sorry. But honestly, compared to some things that happen in my world, that's more a comedy act than anything."
>Brass just shakes his head
>"Remind me never to go to Earth."
"Yeah. You wouldn't like it there, bud."
>He looks at you curiously
>"All jokes aside, why do you make your home out to be so terrible? What could humans possibly fear?"
>...
>You don't have the heart to utter the words 'other humans'
>Everything's so soft and cuddly here
>And you're going to do your best to make sure it stays that way
>Still, he wants an answer, and just blowing it off doesn't seem right
>Let's tell a little story
"I can tell you a few tales, if you like."
>Brass' face takes on a wary look
>"Will it be anything like that injury story you told...?"
>You chuckle
>"Nah. These ones are better, and no nasty stuff. They're about old human heroes."
>You were a bit of a mythology buff
>He nods
>"Alright, I think I'll take you up on that, then."
>You reach the door leading out into the courtyard
>It's massive!
>And Brass wasn't kidding when he said /every/ inmate would be out here
"Cool. Let's find a spot to sit. It's a great day."
>"It really is! I bet the Princess is in a good mood today. /Wonder why/?"
>Waggle of the eyebrows
>This cheeky little git
>You'll miss him when you go
>The pair of you find a nice spot to sit out on the grass
>You're getting ready to start telling your story when you hear someone call your name
>"Anon!"
>Oh hey, it's Steel Magnolia!
>The others from the weight club are with her too
>"We've been trying to find you! Did you just come outside?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was busy."
>"It's okay! What are you doing? Do you want to hang out with us?"
"I was going to tell Brass some stories about my home. You guys want to listen?"
>General agreement
>Cool
>You took a moment to decide which particular story
>Most of the old Northern European stuff was good
>Just had to filter it a little bit...
>...
>Got it!
"Once, there was a group of humans called the Danes, and they had a King named Hrothgar, son of Healfdane..."
>Beowulf
>You couldn't remember the whole thing
>But you knew the important bits
>There was something for everybody
>Brass liked the idea of Hrothgar building a hall for himself and his friends
>The club was enjoying the description of the lavish parties thrown within the King of the Danes' great home
>And then you get to the interesting part
>Grendel
>You had to scale back the violence a little
>The original story has Grendel tearing 30 men apart and eating them
>You made it so he'd come in and pelt them with pillows randomly in the night
>Judging by the gasps, you think you left just enough "violence" to have the desired effect
>Everyone was indignant for the hall-dwellers, and scared of the idea of a lurking pillow-slinger
>Everything's going well, even other inmates passing by come and listen
>Time to build some drama
"And then, after the pillow attacks grew so savage that the Danes fled their great hall, and word spread wide across the North that Hrothgar had need of a champion... He came."
>Sand Stone leans in
>"Who came, Anon?"
>You lean in right back, your voice low and reverent for effect
"Beowulf."
>Widened eyes all around
"Champion of Hygelac! Pride of the Geats! Warrior known across all the cold North, and he came across the sea with a mighty host, to defeat the Demon of Heorot!"
>They're all hooked now
>Even more inmates wander over, hearing your raised voice
"Hrothgar greeted Beo ad gave him his blessing, promising to fill his ships with gold if he could drive Grendel from his hall!"

>A few dog-orc looking things get hella excited at that
>You'll ask Brass what they are later
"That night saw Beowulf come alone to Heorot. After hearing of the beast's savagery, he knew he could never expose his fellow men to such a foul creature."
>Somebody pipes up
>"Wait, he takes that thing on alone?!"
>Some gasps go up 
>Fuck yeah
>You continue
>You explain about how Grendel hated the sounds of merriment and happiness, and that was why he'd attacked the Danes in the first place
>That affected your audience more than you thought it would
>There were genuine looks of horror in the audience
>Well, this place seems to literally run on sunshine and rainbows
>You guess that /would/ be pretty evil from their perspective
"Beo spent many an hour tending the fire, drinking and singing. And then, in the dead of night... He came at last. Terrible Grendel, come to see what fool dared make a home of the hall of the Danes."
>You raise your voice into a roar, doing your best monster imitation
"Who dares?! Who dares make merry in this hall?! Some fool Dane, who knows not the name of Heorot's new master?"
>You hop to the side, striking up a new stance and voice
>You play both sides in the epic battle, as Beowulf announces his identity and challenges Grendel to single combat for the hall
>Beo actually wrestled Grendel into submission in the original story, you think, so there isn't much alteration necessary
>You obviously won't tell them that Grendel gets his arm ripped off and dies
>But you think you've got a fitting alternate ending, with a little help from the movie adaptation
"Finally, Grendel caved! Fear gripped the monster's heart as he fled, never to return to Heorot. But curiosity compelled him to stop just before the door, and turn to face his unassailable foe a final time."
>Back in Grendel voice
"W-Who are you?! How can you be so strong?!"
>Beowulf mode

"I am Smacker... Whacker... Smasher... Wrassler. I am the Pillow in the Darkness, the Thrown Pie in the Night. Mine is Strength... and Friendship... and Power! I! AM! BEOWULF!"
>With a yell, you pantomime a big final hit on Grendel
>Crowd goes wild
"And so it was! our hero made good on his promise, and noble King Hrothgar made good on his! The Geat's ships were weighed down with treasure, and our hero claimed new glory, to be told of throughout the ages. This was not the last of Beowulf's great adventures, but that is a story for another day!"
>Round of applause
>You take a bow, and faintly hear a bell go off somewhere in the background
>"Alright, alright! That's enough! Time to head inside, everyone! Let's go!"
>Some guards start shepherding your audience inside
>Your weightlifting pals gather around
>"That was great, Anon! Will you tell some more stories tomorrow?"
"Sure. It was fun telling it to you guys."
>Steel Eye poses a question
>"So what was all that about Geets and Daynes, Anon? Humans have tribes?"
"A long time ago, yeah. They've mostly merged together now, though. Although the Danes are technically still around, the Geats merged with other local groups to become one big collective."
>Steel Magnolia eagerly joins in
>"What tribe are you, Anon?"
>Oh
>Uh
>'Merican?
>Naw, let's keep it mythical
"I descend from a group who called themselves the Celts. They lived a looooong time ago, about the same period as the Geats and Danes, but they go back even further I believe."
>"That's really cool! Minotaurs have clans too!"
>You spend a few more minutes chatting before the guards finally shoo you all inside
>After everyone goes their separate ways, it's just you and Brass
>"That was a cool story, Anon! And I think you were right. If your world has night-lurking, pillow-slinging monsters in it, I think I'd rather take a pass."
>You chuckle
"Told you, buddy. Earth's a crazy place."
>Your equine friend will never know the true reasons behind that statement

>Speaking of equine friends
>You had a hot date with the other princess tonight
>And Celestia's reaction during your "interview" got you thinking
>About alien pony physiology
>If you're gonna do lewd stuff to princesses, you're damn well gonna be good at it.
>Apparently you already were just with Brass' earlier unintentional advice, but a little studying could help
>And it'd be studying a subject you would actually retain
>Instead of trying to metaphorically swallow half a fucking textbook in a single night and hoping the information sticks
>You shudder
>Fucking finals week
>Why do you want to go back to Earth again?
>Oh yeah...
>Loved ones and responsibilities
>You straighten up a little with that thought
>All the more reason to shower your two new favorite princesses with all the affection they could stand while you were here
"Hey Brass, when's dinner? Do we have time to do something really quick?"
>"We've got a little bit. Why? I thought you were really hungry?"
>Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ
>The hunger comes back to you the moment he mentions it
>Yeah, forget the lewd study time for now
>Let's get grub
"It can wait until after dinner. I'm starving!"
>"Alright. Let's head over and wait for the cafeteria to open then."
>Away you go, down the halls, around the corners, and over several startled ponies
>Brass is doing his best to keep up, but hunger accelerates you to the speed of Kenyans
>You come to a skidding halt outside the cafeteria doors
>First in line, baby
>Brass trots up afterward, wheezing
>"How are you so fast on only two legs? That doesn't even make sense!"
"Quality over quantity, homie. Plus, humans have always been able to run a long way with decent speed."
>Until fast food
>"Sheesh... You really are some kind of god."
>You fucking wish
>You and Brass just bum around outside, othe inmates lining up behind you, until the doors finally open
>nyyyeeeessss.jpg
>Book your shit into line and pile the food onto your tray
>Head to a table and dig in

>Brass finds you shortly after and sits down
>You devour your food in the span of a few minutes, leaning back with a contented sigh
>After Brass finishes his, he looks over to you
>"What was it you wanted to do earlier?"
"I wanted to head back to the library and get another book."
>"Alright. You want to go right now?"
"Yeah."
>You both clean up and head out
>Brass questions you on the way
>"What are you going to get this time?"
"Book on pony physiology. I'm curious as to how you guys work."
>For a number of reasons
>Both sex related and non-sex related
>Brass grunts in acknowledgement
>The rest of the trip to the library is spent in easy silence
>Get in, get your book, and get out
>Head back to your cell
>"Hey, Anon."
"Yeah?"
>"...treat the princess well, okay?"
>You stop and face Brass, a little caught off-guard
"Well, yeah, of course. What brought this on?"
>He looks you in the eye, expression neutral
>"You likely didn't know this, but I'm a former Solar Guard. I served Princess Celestia up until a few years back. And although I don't have the honor of knowing the Princess on a personal level, I can tell you this: she's lonely, Anon. She's been lonely for most of her life. Her subjects don't count. We are naught but fleeting memories to her. There was a long period where she didn't even have her own sister to turn to. Now, I don't know how courtship would work between beings like you and the Princess, but just... treat her well. I figure you have plans to return to your own world, but just don't break Her Majesty's heart. Alright?"
>...
>He's right
>You got a little caught up in the flow when Celestia visited you
>You can't let it happen again
>You won't return the book just yet, but you should take it slower with the princesses
>You don't know anything about magic, but given that Celestia herself is looking into it, you imagine you'll have your way home soon
>And your parents were hard enough on you that they didn't raise a guy who smashes and dashes

"I won't, Brass. I'll be a little more mindful of what happens now. Thanks."
>Your chaperone nods approvingly
>You continue on towards your room
"So, out of curiosity, why'd you leave the guard? It sounded like you enjoyed it."
>"I did, for the most part. But... I dunno. You just reach a point where you get tired, Anon. Tired of having to deal with rowdy ponies and nobles, and other things no other ponies can handle. Tired of having to be brave every day. Granted, it didn't come for a long time. I was proud of what I was doing. Still am. I wore the golden armor for years. But the day eventually came. I just woke up one morning and knew I wanted out. So I left. Honorably discharged. Some talented young officer filled my post, and I took my pension and found a new job shortly after, here."
>You nod silently
>You aren't sure what to say, to be honest
>It sounds like Brass has seen some shit
>And you're willing to bet that just like any other sapient being who's ever seen some shit, he'd rather not talk about it too much
>The silence continues all the way back to your cell
"Thanks, Brass."
>"No problem, Anon. You know where my office is if you need something."
"Yeah. See ya tomorrow."
>He heads off as you enter your cell
>You check the time on a conveniently-placed wall clock
>7 PM on the nose
>You'll just read until you pass out, then get some time with Luna
>You hope to whatever horse gods exist that Celestia broached the subject of her "proposal" instead of leaving it to you, because that conversation would be awkward as fuck
>There's also the matter of:
>Yeah, Luna, I kinda pleasured your sister because she came on really strong and she said you'd probably be cool with it. You are, right?
>Better steel yourself, Anon
>Time to own your fuck-up
>You dive into your book on pony physiology but don't skip straight to the naughty bits
>Magic is really interesting
>And the subject of cutie marks is odd but fascinating
>A visual representation of your strong suit

>Brass Badge, naturally enough, has a badge
>...but how does that show what he's good at?
>How do you get "destined to join the Solar Guard and then run security at a prison" out of that?
>You couldn't see Warden's, she wears clothes that cover it
>Same for all the pony inmates
>Luna and Celestia had a moon and sun respectively
>So what's their talent, then?
>You can ask Luna tonight
>...if she's still willing to speak to you
>Is polygamy a standard thing here?
>You highly fucking doubt it
>The encyclopedia made no reference to it, from what you skimmed through of the various changes in culture
>Regardless, you're going to tell her what happened with Celestia
>For better or worse
>Moving on, let's look at magic
>...
>The jargon makes little to no sense
>There's no real description for what it actually /is/, just what it can do
>Some kind of force-carrying particle, generated by their horns?
>You've seen both Luna and Celestia use it
>You've even been struck by it
>But you still don't have a tangible idea of how it works
>Could Faust use it?
>But that doesn't make sense
>She was supposed to be human too
>So how did she create all this? What if this is some strange alternate universe where humans really /are/ gods, and you're the odd one out here?
>Fuck off brain, that's stupid
>Let's just set the magic aside for now
>You're working yourself into a fit, and you'd like to get to sleep quickly
>Might as well get to the naughty bits
>You flip through the book until you find what you're looking for
>...
>Why do they have fully formed genitalia if they reproduce through belly rubs?
>Pregnancy and delivery must be the same for mares as it is for women
>...
>Oh
>Ohhhh
>It's not that the belly rubs are sex for them, just that it triggers ovulation...
>Usually applied before sex
>That makes a hell of a lot more sense
>Compared to your earlier impression, anyway
>But why was Celestia confused then?
>Brass said she's been alone most of her life
>Did he mean...?

>...
>Jesus
>That's a long time to go without getting any
>Your dick feels physical pain at the thought
>Also explains why she was so eager
>And uninformed
>It's kind of cute actually, looking back
>But you won't be swayed by cuteness anymore
>If Luna's not down with Celestia's proposal, it's not going to happen
>You can only hope she forgives you
>You read a little more, and then set the book aside
>Let's bust out the phone
>Switch it on, and set some music
>Lay in your comfy-ass bed, and wait
>Sleep takes longer to come this time around
>You feel yourself starting to go, eventually
>You manage to get your phone turned off before it claims you
>...
>Back in your apartment again
>Do you really dream about this place so often, or has it just become a convenient setting for you and Luna?
>Regardless, you get up, exit your room, and enter the common area
>...
>Strange, she isn't here...
>What do?
>You flop down in your armchair
>Time passes, still no Luna
>Without a huggable Princess of the Night to distract you, it occurs to you how surreal this is
>You never had lucid dreams on Earth
>Let's have some fun with it while you wait
>The only question is, what should you do?
>Play vidya?
>Solid
>Actually, fuck playing, let's /live/ it
>What game though?
>Gotta keep in mind that Luna could show up anytime...

>You're Confident Vigilance, the Solar Guard!
>Everything had gone back to normal after you escorted that one sock-wearing weirdo to Canterlot Maximum Security
>You'd recovered from getting your feelings hurt, too!
>And for a day, everything stayed hunky-dory
>Now...
>*CRASH*
>"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
>"Luna, be reasonable!"
>Now, you're just trying to stay out of the way of the ongoing catastrophe, and it's all you can do to avoid going deaf from the volume of the conversation
>If you could call it that
>The Sisters are arguing about something
>And whatever it is, it must be pretty serious, because Her Majesty Luna looks utterly terrifying!
>"Reasonable? REASONABLE?! Do not speak to me of reason! You encroach on him behind my back, lie to him in order to receive his affections, and then have the /gall/ to ask me if I'm willing to share? /After/ the fact?!"
>"He approves of me, sister! I'll not let you monopolize-"
>"Just because something doesn't go your way for once doesn't mean I have to cave to your ridiculous request to make it 'fair'! And I certainly will /not/ allow you to follow me into his dreams! It is /our/ realm, his and mine, and you've already spent enough time in his presence today, haven't you?!"
>"LUNA!"
>"NO!"
>The Sisters rush by you as you cower against the hallway wall
>S-Scary...
>You're on the verge of tears just from the sheer intensity of their voices!
>What could they be so angry about, to be so horrible to each other?!
>*sob*
>You're gonna go hide

>You are Anonymous, false god and stranger in a strange land
>Currently dreaming
>And you are having a fucking blast
>It started out simple enough
>You summoned up the power armor and minigun you'd used in your dream battle with Luna and went wandering the wasteland
>But you realized that you didn't have to limit yourself to one game
>So you spiced it up
>Mechs from Hawken
>If Luna was going to walk in on you during a dream, she was going to see some badass shit
>Like you destroying mechs

>You climbed into your mech of choice and fucking had at it
>Mowing down deathclaws, ghouls, raiders, and other mechs
>It was better than just roaming the wastes, but...
>You could do better
>Let's add...
>Fuck yeah, let's add the mutants from S.T.A.L.K.E.R. and Metro!
>Blind Dogs, Zombie Stalkers, Librarians, and other horrors appear from nowhere
>It's a fucking bloodbath now
>...
>You feel like that's a bad thing for some reason
>Are you forgetting something?
>...can't think of anything
>Whatever
>Shit gets a little crazy
>A group of Librarians coordinated to take your mech down
>As they crowded your fallen vehicle, slowly tearing the cockpit door open, your power armor rematerialized around you, now with a jetpack, and a power fist appeared on your hand
>Wait for it...
>Now!
>SHORYUKEN!
>You burst from your fallen machine, taking the head off of the first mutant abomination to look inside
>Your jetpack carries you a fair distance into the air, and you take the opportunity to look around
>Carnage
>Total, utter carnage
>And you're going to add to it
>You ditch the power fist, and materialize a gatling laser as you land
>lethegamesbegin.jpg
>You're charged by the mutants, and you tear into them with your weapon
>It's like your battle with the dream guards, except no one is spared
>Wave after wave of mutants are reduced to particle dust by your gatling laser
>The last Librarian falls to ground mere feet from you
>These fleshy mongrels were no match
>Let's get a /real/ challenge up in this bitch
>A shockwave rocks the ground as a Reaper lands
>Geth drop ships fill the sky as the Old Machine turns it great red "eye" to you
>You are Commander Shepard, and this is your favorite dream ever

>You are Confident Vigilance again
>Things are still pretty scary here
>You're hiding in the barracks with other guards
>Canterlot Palace is rumbling
>Literally
>The sisters are fighting up there
>Hurling pillows with enough force to bruise!
>The horror!
>You need a new job
>The minutes tick on, seemingly without end
>...oh!
>It sounds like things have quieted down up in the palace!
>Maybe the sisters made up?
>Happy day!
>...you think you'll wait a bit before heading up to check though

>Back to being Anon
>You are laying waste to the Geth, evading beam fire from the Reaper as you do so
>It's not even remotely Mass Effect, though
>It honestly resembles something out of Dynasty Warriors
>You careen through the Geth hordes on your jetpack, still wearing your power armor, destroying all in your path with a super sledge
>When you get a big cluster of them together, you rise up and fire the Experimental MIRV into them
>Real, nuclear ammo this time
>Your kill count is genocide
>And the Reaper's next
>You change direction, making a beeline for the robo-squid
>It's big red eye lights up, and you do a mid-air barrel roll out of the way just in time as a red beam rips through the air next to you
>You feel kinda sick from the maneuver, but press on
>It'll take a few seconds to charge the next shot
>By that time, you'll have reached it
>The Geth put up a screen of fire as you fly towards it
>Bits of power armor are blown off whenever a hit is made, but you make it through
>You hover in air, taunting it
>The eye lights up again
>You fire the MIRV
>All eight mini-nukes impact in and around the big red light, and the Reaper reels from the damage
>But it's still up
>You quickly descend, finding an area with minimal Geth
>After sledging the shit out of the stragglers, you turn and face the reaper again
>...odd, you thought you felt something there...
>Like the dream was altered somehow
>But you didn't will anything...
>OH SHIT
>Dodge to the side in the nick of time, as another beam cuts the ground next to you
>No time to think! You need a bigger gun!
>What's a really big gun?!
>...
>GOT IT!
>Fallout always has the answer
>You discard your other weapons, and will Euclid's C-Finder into your hand

>Time to put this fucking squid in its place
>Line it up
>Pull the trigger
>The targeting laser goes out
>...
>No connection?!
>Do you have to visualize the satellite too?!
>FUCK!
>Dodge again
>That one was so close it kinda melted parts of your armor plate
>Shit
>What would an orbital solar weapon even look like?
>Thinking cap on
>Solar panels, battery to store the energy from the panels, something to create the light from said energy, something to focus the light into a beam...
>All of that at geosynchronous orbit
>C'mon brain, you got this!
>You take to the air and retreat away from the Reaper, avoiding another beam
>You have a little less luck avoiding the Geth shots this time
>Part of your helmet is gone, and chunks of the chest piece
>You holster the C-Finder and rematerialize your super sledge, to buy yourself some time
>You come down right on top of a group of the robotic soldiers, and set to work
>Metal heads, arms, and entire torsos go flying as you hammer out a temporary Geth-free zone
>Alright, that'll do
>You're out of the Reaper's sight line, but it knows where you are from the Geth's collective intelligence
>You don't have much time
>Close your eyes and focus
>...
>You feel the dream slowly start to bend as you finalize the details of the satellite in your mind
>...it is done?
>Only one way to find out
>Right on cue, the Reaper looms into view, eye shining and ready
>You line up your shot and pull the trigger
>Laser goes out...
>...c'mon...
>Yes! Coordinates received! Here it comes!!
>The Reaper's eye lights up-
>Right as a column of light slams into it from above
"SUCK IT!"
>You shout it triumph as the Reaper burns and melts, finally collapsing to the ground
>The Geth topple over where they stood, crippled by the Reaper's defeat
>You might not be an actual god, but you sure feel like one right now
>You test your power armor's jetpack
>Still functions
>You fly up into the air, and look down at the scene you've created

>Hell of a night
>...and Luna's still not here?
>Shame, maybe she's busy
>You come back down to the ground, and will away your armor
>"Anon!"
>Oh!
>A blue, winged mass practically dive-bombs into you with a hug
>"I observed your battle! Incredible! But what were those things? The giant one was horrific!"
>Luna's here
>Fancy speech engage
"They were constructs, assembled from metal. I was merely entertaining myself while you were away."
>"C-constructs? Humans /build/ such things?"
>Not in real life, but kind of
"Yes. We have grown very skilled at creating."
>"And do you create, as well?"
"Only in dreams. My skills are better suited to other things. But tell me, what kept you tonight?"
>You were genuinely curious
>She hesitates
>"...you were visited by my sister today, correct?"
>...here we go.
"Yes. And I assume she was not telling the whole truth about your being open to her 'idea'?"
>Luna does a double-take
>"I- well- yes, actually. That saves me some explanation. Good."
>She's silent for a moment
>"May we sit?"
>You wordlessly nod, and you both take a seat on the ground across from each other
>"Anonymous. I am unsure of how human customs work, but... Would you say- that is, do you consider us to be-"
"Together?"
>Her face takes a tinge of red
>"Yes. Do you?"
"Luna. We've spoken of this."
>"I know! But, then-! But you kissed me! Right next to my horn! I thought- I assumed-"
>You reach forward and grab one of her front hooves
"I did indeed. And I do feel that way towards you. Yet the point I made the second night still stands. I have every intention to leave. But, as I said to your sister earlier, I shall give you all the attention you desire before I go. If you want for that to extend only to you, then so be it."
>Her hoof squeezes your hand
>You still have no idea how that's possible
>"You give me priority over Celestia...?"
>That clearly means a lot to her
>She likely has a complex

>You just nod, squeezing her hoof in return
>She takes a breath, and smiles
>"You words cheer me, Anonymous."
"Just call me Anon."
>"I-if you insist... Anon!"
>She springs forward, tackling you to the ground and nuzzling you
>You laugh and nuzzle her right back
>The pair of you just remain there on the ground for a while, before Luna breaks the silence
>"I hope that this business with Celestia does not make you think any less of her, Anon. She is... Were I in her position, I cannot promise I would not do the same."
"What is it about me that has the pair of you enamored?"
>Another thing you were seriously curious about
>You were a scruffy-ass college student who hadn't shaved in days
>GQ front cover material you were not, but you had two alien princesses all over you
>Luna responds, looking off at the ruined hulk of the Reaper as she answers
>"We are immortal, my sister and I. We have seen every successive generation of ponies age and pass on. They cannot provide us the companionship we seek. But you..."
>She turns back to look at you
>"Humans are a higher existence than even we. Ageless like us, with powers beyond ours. What more could we desire?"
>Dear sweet god
>That bar's set so high you need a fucking pair of binoculars to see it
>You can't be certain about how you age here, but you know for damn sure that you don't have any powers
>Unless you count super strength, but that's just a matter of their perception
>You were apparently resistant to magic too, but still
>Far from the badass elder god Luna wanted you to be
>Let's see if we can steer the subject away from you
>You wrap your arms around Luna and squeeze a bit, to which she hums happily
"I have some more questions, if that's alright. And a request."
>"Of course! Anything you'd like to know, and anything you desire!"
"Please don't read my mind any longer. Relations are built on respect, and I ask you respect the privacy of my thoughts."
>She nods hurriedly.
>"I swear it!"
"As for my questions, I was reading about cutie marks and what they mean. What does yours symbolize? What is your talent?"
>"My talents are twofold, dream walking and maintaining the moon's orbit!"
>...
>Aaaaaaand that bar is now in fucking orbit

>Wait
>If Luna moves the moon
>Then does Celestia...?
"And your sister?"
>You manage to keep the rising nervousness out of your voice
>"Celestia handles the sun!"
>...welp
>You can never, EVER allow them to find out that you're just some guy
>You aren't sure what'll happen if they do, but you have some ideas, and they all involve being thrown into space
>Or the sun
>How does that even work? How can it be that these two are so powerful that they can move /celestial bodies/ with, presumably, their magic?
>That's scary as hell
>...next question
"Fitting, considering your names. And what are changelings?"
>She tilts her head
>niggathat'skawaii.jpg
>"Changelings are frightening creatures. They shape shift in order to impersonate ponies, feeding off of the love others hold for them. We have suffered much at their hooves in the past. Why do you ask?"
"The guardspony assigned to me, Brass Badge, made some mention of them. I was curious."
>She nods, thinking nothing more of it
>"May we ask some questions of you, in exchange?"
>Alright
>Tread lightly, Anon
"Certainly."
>She smiles
>"Last night, you showed me a human city, but said it was not your home. What is your home like, then? I'd love to see!"
>You could never refuse that enthusiasm
"Sure!"
>You sit up, bringing Luna's front half to rest on your lap like the first time you did this
>Close your eyes
>Let's think
>You want to keep up the godly image, and you can't be certain how she'll react to there being seven billion humans on Earth
>Let's just stick with natural scenery for now
>You materialize your bed beneath you and Luna
>Then close your eyes and focus on Mt. Hood
>When you open them, the sight that meets you takes your breath away, just like every other time you've seen it
>Pristine white slopes, covered in trees, fall away as the tall mountain gives way to the valleys and lesser ranges in the distance
>You turn and look to see the peak of the mountain higher above, spearing a single cloud on its tip

>Luna's speechless for a moment, then manages to breathe out a single word
>"...lovely..."
"It sure is."
>She looks around in all directions, taking the view in
>"And you lived here?"
"No, haha, not quite. I live in a region far to the west of the city you saw last night, and further west still from here.This mountain is a notable landmark in my home. Where I actually lived was..."
>You close your eyes
>Images of home come freely
>But no
>You got away with D.C. because it was an important place on Earth and therefore it was understandable for it to be large, but you'd have to limit how many other cities you showed her to keep up the layer of mysticism
>Your hometown isn't exactly huge, but it's sure to raise some uncomfortable questions
>Let's use your grandma's house, out in the boonies
>You open your eyes, and find yourself in a familiar living room with a view of a river
>Luna eagerly hops up
>"Is this it? Your home?"
>As close as you can ever show her, yeah
"Yes."
>She immediately starts investigating the house
>You chuckle, then get up and follow
>There's paintings and photographs all over the house, Luna eagerly examining each
>"These are well-made, Anon! Did you paint these?"
"No. A relative of mine made them. As I mentioned, my skills lend themselves to pursuits other than creation."
>"Do you have a large family, then? You mentioned an aunt last night."
>A mistake, in hindsight
>You should have kept quiet about your family, making it seem like you'd just always existed, like an actual higher power
>Ah well, too late
"I do indeed. I've not seen many of them in a long time, though."
>College sucks like that
>Luna continues moving through the house, checking out every room until she comes to the bedroom, in which she takes a running dive onto the bed
>Thankfully your grandma had a memory foam mattress
>How do you explain a god having a shittier bed than you?
>Luna rolls all around the bed, enjoying the feeling

>She makes a comment on the bed
>"A strange material... Not as soft as cloud, and yet I cannot say it is inferior. What is it?"
"Memory foam. It's essentially elastic material interwoven with soft fabric, if memory serves."
>Pure bullshit, you had no fucking idea
>But you couldn't afford to appear ignorant on anything from Earth
>You had a princess to impress
>"An interesting idea..."
>She ceases her rolling, stretches out, and pats the spot next to her
>"You needn't stand, Anon."
>You're only too happy to accept
>You flop onto the bed, and Luna scoots in close, laying a hoof and wing across you
>This
>This is nice
>You wrap an arm around her in return, and you both just lay like that for a while
>She eventually breaks the comfortable silence
>"May I see more?"
"You hardly need to ask at this point, Luna. What do you want to see?"
>"Your kin and friends, for one. For you to wish to return home for their sake, you must love them a great deal. Additionally... I have enjoyed everything you've shown me so far, but... I want to see more of /you/, Anon. More of the tale that is your life, not merely the backdrops to it. "
>...you don't deserve this
>This interest, this earnest affection
>But you can't find the steel in yourself to say no
>Not after taking a look into those teal eyes
>Plus, you honestly don't want to see her sad anymore
>Not after that shit you read in the encyclopedia
>Nothing for it then, but you will have to make some...
>Embellishments
"Alright. What would you like to see first?"
>"Whatever you wish to show me first."
>Crap
>You were hoping she'd put some thought into that question, so you could have more time to think
>Whatever
>Let's lead off with your parents
>You shut your eyes, but rather than change the whole scene, you just summon up a person
>Or rather the image of that person
>Your dad, or his younger self at least, to keep up the illusion
>You take after him a great deal
>Luna notices too
>"Would this be your father?"
"It is."

>"The resemblance is apparent."
>You chuckle
>You wish you could show her his 5 brothers
>The family resemblance was crazy
>"What realm does he preside over?"
>There's what you were afraid of
>Still, you were somewhat prepared
"He presides over space."
>Luna looks back at you, awed
>"As in, the void? The realm of stars?"
"Ah, no. As in, perceived space. For example, the lack thereof between you and I."
>You give her a little squeeze
>She giggles
>You elaborate a little
"My father could move several thousand pounds of matter from one point to another."
>Luna's eyes widen
>You knew that much weight would be a big deal, considering the reaction you got in the weight room earlier
>It wasn't exactly a lie, either
>He worked as a truck driver now, hauling freight
>You just took inspiration from that
>"T-truly? In an instant?"
"Indeed."
>Not really, but the truth wasn't as impressive
>"And your mother?"
>You conjure up her image too, next to your dad's
"She is among the humans that create things, like Faust."
>Your mom's the head of graphic & web design at an insurance company
>Luna perks up at that
>"Did she create a world like ours?"
>Do webpages count?
"Yes, but less complex. She also made some of the paintings you saw around the house."
>Luna examines your mom with new appreciation
>"What about you?"
>She's been working up to this question
>Here it is, Anon
>The big one
>What should you-
>Before you can finish your thought, the dream starts rumbling
>Luna's still looking at you expectantly
>You shoot her a grin
"Next time!"
>She pouts
>You know just the thing to cheer her up, though
"Don't be like that, I have something else for you."
>"Oh? What?"
>You lean in and lock lips
>She squeaks, paralyzed for a moment, then melts into you
>You run a hand up her belly as you break the kiss, smiling down at her blushing face
"See you tonight, Luna."
>...
>Back in your cell
>Luna still likes you, and massive dream battles were had
>10/10 night
>Check phone
>7:38

>Hop out of bed, reflecting on that dream you just had
>You gotta work on your self-control
>As fucking ravishing as Luna is, every little display of affection will only make it worse when you have to leave
>Or when your throne of lies crumbles on itself, whichever happens first
>And if you don't come up with a solid story on what your "domain" as a god is, it's gonna be the latter
>Get cleaned up and ready
>There's a knock on the door
"Ay, Brass. Come in."
>In he comes
>"Good morning Anon. All set?"
"Yup. Let's go eat."
>As you walk over, you ask him a question
"Hey, what do you know about Discord?"
>"About as much as anyone else. He's the god of chaos, and up until a few years ago he was a huge threat to Equestria."
>Sounds pretty metal, if he's anything like the chaos gods you've heard of
>But you doubt that
>This is soft, cuddly pony land
"Was?"
>"Yup. He claims to be reformed now. Hangs out with the Elements of Harmony, or so the rumors go."
"But why, though? Can he really be trusted? From what I read in that encyclopedia it sounded like he really got a kick out of making life suck for ponies."
>"Couldn't tell you, wasn't there. Maybe the powers of harmony finally got to him. Either way, the princesses seem to believe that he's genuinely turned over a new leaf."
>...well, if they say so
>It's none of your business anyways
>The pair of you arrive at the cafeteria and get in line, chatting it up still
"So do you have to follow me around the whole time I'm here?"
>"Not necessarily. Warden just wanted me to follow you around until you got settled. Which you are, but as long as I'm following you around, I can get out of doing real work for a while!"
>You both chuckle
"What about all that paperwork you had to do the other day? You just get an underling to do it for you?"
>"Nope, it's already done! And that was all I had to do for the week, too."
>Damn
>That's an easy job if you can do a week's worth of work in a single night
>You're struck with an idea

>After you get your food and grab a seat, you begin pitching it
"Hey Brass, do prisoners ever get to go outside the prison? Like, on a trip into town?"
>"Sometimes! Only the ones with good behavior, though."
>Nice
>You're getting in on this
>You haven't seen much of this place aside from the Day Court, the road to the prison, and the prison itself
"Can I go on the next one?"
>Brass raises a hoof to his chin, scratching
>"...I don't think so. Usually it's only oranges and grays allowed out of the prison. Also, you've got violence and p-public indecency on your record."
>Fuuuuuck
>But you've been on your best behavior ever since!
"C'mon, Brass! Can't you vouch for me? Actually, can't we just get Warden to approve the whole thing? She thinks I'm cool, right?"
>Before you can get your answer, he's interrupted
>"Hey, Anon!"
>It's the weights club!
"Morning, guys!"
>There's not quite enough space at one table, so you put two together
>Steel Eye pats you on the back as he takes the other seat next to you
>"Ready to pump some iron?! We're excited to see what you can do today!"
"Hell yeah, dude! Let's do it."
>You get some odd looks before you remember that no one understands what that means
"Human phrase. It means 'heck yeah!'"
>Everybody's all smiles again
>Gotta remember to check the language
>One of the griffons pipes up
>"That's another thing bro. Where are humans from?"
>Q&A time
>You spend breakfast answering questions about yourself between bites of food
>Eventually everybody finishes up and you start walking to the weight room
>"One more thing, Anon. What are you in for?"
>Aw fug
>It's Steel Magnolia asking
>The crime that got you in here is embarrassing, if anything
>You'll just tell her-
>"He got in for wearing socks in public, then got his sentence extended for assaulting guards."
>Goddammit Brass!
>Incredulous laughter everywhere
>You turn and glare at your chaperone, who just gives you a raised eyebrow and a troll smile
>This little mofo right here

"Was that really necessary?"
>"Brass thinks for a moment
>"Oh, I forgot! He didn't just wear socks in /any/ old public place, no sir! He showed up in Day Court wearing them!"
>Incredulous laughter intensifies, some whoops go up
>You'll get him for this
>Sand Stone chimes in
>"Must've been trying to impress the princess, eh Anon? Had a petition you really needed to win? Hahahaha!"
>Someone else calls from the back of the group
>"She says that, but she wants to see you in socks too, big guy!"
>Sand Stone turns beet red, whirling to face the group
>"Who said that?!"
>You can't help but join in the laughter too, this time
>These guys seem like fun, now that you're "in"
>Arrive at the weight room
>You're actually pretty excited
>Even if you can't go too high in weight, it'l feel good to work out again
>Everybody files into the room and drifts among the machines, getting right to it
>You follow the minotaurs, since the equipment they use fits you best
"What are you guys doing today?"
>"Legs!"
>...How?
>Their legs look like they're mostly bone...
>You keep your doubts to yourself for now, but you get the feeling that this will be weird to watch
>Steel Eye goes first
>Everything looks normal so far
>Squat rack looks the same as the ones you've seen back on Earth
>The bar looks the same as the one on the bench, which felt like a standard 45-pounder
>...It's gonna be the stance
>You just know it
>He gets in under it, and lifts off
>Trap stands behind him to spot
>Squares up, and...
>He goes down into the first rep
>You were right about the stance
>Shit's weird man
>Although, it makes sense given that they have an entirely different leg structure
>He finishes his set
>Trap and Magnolia finish theirs, with you spotting Magnolia
>Your turn
>"How much do you want Anon?"
>"Load 135, for now."
>They don't have much weight, so you'll keep it light
>Yet despite your best efforts, you still get an awed look
>"Right off the bat? Anon, you gotta warm up!"
"It's fine, guys."

>They look at each other for a second, but do as you say
>You get in, and lift the bar off the rack
>No problems so far
>Set your stance, and get started
>First set goes by with no problems, and you return the bar to its resting place
>Turn around to see a hyped-looking trio of minotaurs behind you
>Trap speaks up
>"That was awesome, man! A plate right off the bat! How do you do it?"
"Chocolate milk and hyper-regeneration!"
>Trap looks at Eye and Magnolia
>"We gotta start drinking chocolate milk!"
>Heheheheh
>Wait, do minotaurs drink cow milk, or...?
>Your eyes drift to Magnolia's prodigious chest
>No
>Down, junior
>Think of Luna
>That just made it worse
>It takes a couple minutes, but you manage to get your partial chub under control before the next set
>Crank that one out too
>You up weight as you continue sets, much to the accolade of your fellows
>Other club members gather to watch as you lift off with 185 for your third
>Apparently the maximum weight they had
>You'll make a petition or something for more when you get the chance
>Crank out your final set, to cheers
>Feelin' like a boss
>You step out from under the bar
"You guys done?"
>Magnolia responds
>"Yep! Leg press next!"
>Again, how
>You go to remove your weight from the bar
>Still feeling pumped from all the attention, you remove all the weight from the end at once
>*WHACK*
>Bar to the chin
>The difference in weight on the ends was too much
>You drop the weights on reflex, one of them striking your toes
>You immediately fall to one knee, barely containing the vitriolic stream of curses from flowing out of your mouth
>The room is suddenly chaos
>"Anon hurt himself! Call the nurse!!"
>"Human down!"
>"Did he break his foot?!"
>"That looked so painful! His poor chin!"
>You find yourself on a stretcher, being carried by Brass and another guard before you can even get a handle on what's going on
>A few of the weights club members are running along with you, panicking all the way

>Be Brass Badge, sitting outside the nurse's office sometime later
>Most of the members of the weightlifting club are with you, worrying themselves silly
>They don't know Anon like you do
>Certainly, that looked like it really hurt
>But considering what he really is you're sure that he'll be up and walking again before Luna raises the moon
>You can't help but shudder a little bit
>Something like that would normally leave a grown pony bedridden for days
>The nurse, Caring Touch, comes out
>She's a nice young mare. Just a few years out of Canterlot University
>"Overseer, he's ready for visitors."
>A few members of the club make to enter, but you cut them off
"You'll all just make more commotion. Head back to the weight room, I'll be by with an update on how he's feeling."
>There's a bit of discontent, but they give in under your unflinching stare
>Just another skill you've honed over years in the guard
>You turn and head inside, following the nurse
>Part of what you said was true
>The other part was that you knew they'd be freaked out by how well Anon is no doubt taking this
>And as the nurse pulls back the curtain from his bed, you can see that you were right
>"Hey Brass."
"Hey Anon. How do you feel?"
>"Pretty stupid, to hurt myself like that. But fine otherwise."
"Glad to hear, pal. How long until he can be released, Nurse Touch?"
>Caring Touch glances between you and Anon, then speaks
>"May I talk to you privately, Overseer Badge?"
>You don't like when ponies address you like that, it sounds kinda goofy
>But you nod, and follow over to her desk after she redraws the curtain around Anon
>"Sir, what am I dealing with?"
>...oh boy
>"What makes you ask that?"
>"He didn't shed a single tear this whole time, sir. Not one. Tears are perfectly natural and to be expected when somepony goes through something like that, but he... He just asked when he could leave. Polite as you please. He even tried to walk on his injured foot! What is he?"
>You consider your response

"He's what's called a human, Nurse. They're incredibly durable by nature. What you just described is normal behavior for him."
>Caring Touch just looks at the floor, mulling over what she just heard
>"Perhaps, but... I'd like to keep him in the infirmary for a day."
>That's not too bad
>You won't get to hang out with Anon for a day, but it'll be alright
"That's fine, Nurse. I'll come by tomorrow to collect him."
>She nods
>"Thank you sir. He's in capable hooves."
>She turns and heads back over towards your charge's bed
>Well, he's technically your charge, but it feels weird to refer to an elder deity as a subordinate figure
>She draws back the curtain
"Hey Anon, the nurse says-"
>"I'm in for the rest of the day, right? The curtain doesn't really shut out noise."
>Well then
"Yep. Don't worry, you'll be brought meals. I'll come by and get you tomorrow morning."
>"Sounds good, Brass. Sorry to worry you. Also, what do you think? About that thing I asked about?"
>...what?
>Oh!
"I think you're right. If we can get Warden to agree, you'll be able to come."
>"Sweet! Can we go ask when I get out?"
"Definitely. Until then, just rest."
>"Will do. See you later!"
"See ya!"
>You depart from the nurse's office
>It'll feel weird to go back to your normal schedule, but it's only for today anyway
>Let's go check up on the on-duty guards!

>You've got a set of sore toes, a sore chin, and a bruised ego, so you must be Anon
>It was kind of humiliating to be brought here on a stretcher
>Certainly, you were aware that these ponies had crazy low tolerance for pain from your conversations with Brass, but this was kinda ridiculous
>After Brass left, the nurse spent a while talking to you, saying stuff about how it was okay to cry and you shouldn't try to act tough in front of others
>You just nodded along, and she eventually gave up, accepting that you were fine
>You think
>She left the curtain open when she went back to her desk, and she keeps looking over at you
>Shit's awkward

>Eventually, she speaks
>"I'll be stepping out for a moment, Anonymous. Don't try to walk."
>You weren't planning to
"I won't, Nurse Touch."
>She nods approvingly, and leaves
>You lay back in your bed, and start thinking
>You have to come up with a good backstory to tell Luna tonight
>What would be a good "dominion?"
>Currently, you're considered super strong and resistant to magic
>Those don't really lend themselves to any specific thing to have control over...
>Maybe you can say you're a god of conflict or something? That kind of fits
>Maybe offer to beat up some villains while you're here?
>Yeah
>That might work, actually
>"It might, yeah. But there aren't many baddies you can whoop on that would really set you apart, know what I mean?"
>WHAT THE FU-
>You nearly jump out of your skin
"Who said that?!"
>You look around the room, trying to find the source of the voice
>"Why, I'm right here!"
>The speaker appears out of nowhere, floating in midair
>...
>What are you even looking at right now?
>The... thing just smiles
>"You already know who I am, kid! You just don't know that you know. And /I/..."
>He puts his face right in front of yours, and jabs your chest with a single clawed digit
>"...know all about you."
>You already know him?
>How could-
>...Wait
"Are you Discord?"
>Fucking confetti everywhere, all of a sudden
>"Ring-a-ding-ding! Correct! Gotta say, I love the way you've handled things so far. Worming your way into the hearts of both princesses, sowing the seeds of a massive internal conflict the likes of which hasn't been seen since Nightmare Moon's insurrection... And you haven't even been here a week! Ever considered a job in the chaos industry?"
>He hands you a business card
>An actual business card
>It just says:
Discord
Primeval Chaos Spirit
Now available for parties!
>You aren't quite able to express the panic you feel right now
>Internal conflict? Is Celestia going to fight Luna over you?
>And he claims to know /all/ about you

>You attempt put up your facade
"I-I'm not certain what you mean about-"
>"Ah-ah-ah. Don't even start. I wasn't kidding. I'm well aware of the extent of your powers..."
>He gives you a little grin as he narrows his eyes
>".../or lack thereof./"
>...Fuck
>FUCK
>Is he going to burn you? Blackmail you into doing something? What's his angle?
>"Hey now, c'mon! I know that came out a little threatening, but you can't just freak out over every little thing. Seriously, you remind me of Twilight Sparkle."
"Who?"
>"Someone who'd be pretty darn keen to meet you, if she knew you were here. Celery and Loony have been keeping you a pretty closely guarded secret, but it's only a matter of time until word gets out."
>He looks around, as if noticing for the first time where it is the both of you are
>"Ah, but this is no place for a good conversation. Here..."
>He snaps his fingers
>"Step into my office!"
>...
>Wat
>Where-
>How-
>Holy shit, just when you thought you were finally getting used to how bizarre this place is
>You have no idea how to describe what's going on around you
>This entire space reminds you of those old drawings of mobius strips and Klein bottles
>It's like an M.C. Escher painting
>You're seated in a chair, in front of a desk behind which sits Discord
>"Much better. Chocolate milk?"
"Uh, sure."
>He snaps his fingers again, and you have something in your hand
>...
>It's chocolate milk, but...
>There's no glass.
>There's space between your fingers and the milk where the glass should be, but it just isn't there
>"Here ya go!"
>He leans forward with a pitcher and pours the glass in around your milk
>...
>Just ask him what he wants, Anon
"So if you know that it's all a lie, what do you want with me?"
>Please don't say it's to expose you
>"You may not be a god, but I need your help anyway, m'boy."
>Phew
>You take a sip of your milk
>Damn, that's delicious!
>Discord continues

>"Strange as it sounds, I need you to do something for me. Equestria's got a problem that friendship can't fix."
>Friendship? What?
>Oh
"Are you talking about the Elements of Harmony? The six mares that Celestia sends to do stuff?"
>"Glad you've done your homework. And yes. They won't be able to handle this one alone."
"We've already established that I'm kind of useless, though. And you don't seem to be lacking in the power department yourself. You're pals with them now, right? What do you need me for?"
>Discord chuckles, then elaborates
>"Have you considered /why/ it's so nice here? /Why/ everything's so stinking cuddly and cute, and why armed conflict consists solely of pillow fights and pie-throwing?"
"Because Faust made it that way, right? I've got questions about that, on a side note."
>"Hold your questions 'til the end. And correct. Now, tell me something else. Where do you think all the negative emotions go? Ponies are sapient, just the same as you and I. So why don't they slaughter their fellow equine over silly things the same way your people do?"
>Red flag
>How the fuck does he know that?
"How the hell do you-"
>"Anonymous, please. I am chaos embodied. And what did your science classes tell you about chaos? Perhaps a little more precisely, what /is/ chaos?"
>You are officially freaked out
>Yeah, he said he knew all about you, but this is insane!
"It's... the ability of simple systems without inherently chaotic mechanisms to produce irregular results...?"
>Another crooked smile
>"Correct again, my good bald ape! And since you know that, you must also know that I exist, well, everywhere. Including your home dimension."
>Jesus fucking Christ
>He literally /is/ what you were pretending to be
>You shakily take another drink from your glass
>"Aw, don't be scared. You're gonna have a neat part to play in what's to come. I'd know, I brought you here!"
>Your mind goes blank for a moment
"You what?"
>"I. Brought. You. Here. And I can return you."
>Breath leaves you

>You try to open your mouth
>You aren't entirely certain what you were going to say, but it was probably going to involve the word faggot
>When you go to speak, nothing happens
>Something's wrong
>You bring a hand up to your mouth, only to find it isn't there
>You turn and stare at Discord, who merely offers you another fucking creepy-ass smile in return
>"I did that. Don't worry, I'll give it back. But for now, we need to get back on topic and you screaming profanity at me won't help."
>He leans down, bringing his eyes to the level of yours
>"You were brought here because humans have something everything else in this world lacks. The power to destroy. Even the Elements, Celestia's trump card, can't /destroy/ evil. Merely render it temporarily harmless. But it always returns. That's the nature of this place. But what I brought you here to deal with is something that needs your species' particular violent mindset to be brought to an end. You remember what I asked you? About where all the negative emotions go?"
>You nod in response
>"Faust didn't create /everything/ about this world. Some bits just fell into place, filling voids as needed where her designs left off. One of those bits..."
>He snaps his fingers
>"...is this."
>He's showing you an image
>An orb
>It's a violent shade of red, and... pulsing?
>Discord answers your unspoken question
>"/That/ is where it all goes. That sphere is the condensed form of every violent thought, every cruel impulse, and every other truly evil emotion felt by Faust's creations. She didn't create it. It created itself, as a result of her simply wishing for her ponies, and everything else for that matter, to not feel those particular emotions. Normally it isn't a problem. However, emotions are powerful things, here in Equestria. Especially strong ones. And this? This is /millennia/ worth of bad vibes. And now, a baddie's gotten their hooves on it. A baddie I need you to end."
>...so, murder. He wants you to commit murder.

>You want your mouth back
>This is so fucking shady you don't even know where to begin
>And why the fuck is he so /calm/ about this?
>He's one of Faust's creations, isn't he? So why isn't he losing his mind over what he just asked you to do?
>And what the fuck makes him think you stand a chance against some super-powered, truly evil monster?
>He continues his explanation
>"You're here because humans have that kind of stuff in them already. She won't be able to twist you like she would any of the natives. And since you break down magic just by touching it, you're aptly suited to destroying her."
>Wait!
>So any human could do this?!
>Why'd he choose you, then?!
>Fuck this
>Celestia's gotta be getting close to finding you a way home, you don't have to-
>Discord interrupts
>"If your hoping Celestia will save you, don't. Even if there was some way she could figure out that I'm the one who brought you here, she couldn't make me return you. No, she'll search a few days more, then call it good and try to convince you to rub her belly again. You are beyond anyone's help but mine, sonny. But hey, you do this right, and I'll send you back to the exact moment you left. Your loved ones will never know you were gone. Or..."
>He leans in further, whispering conspiratorially
>"...maybe I let you stay here, and let you cuddle your moon princess and her horny sister? Luna will eventually forgive Celestia and let her share you if you deal with the orb and its new owner, you know. And then you'll have all the cuddles and belly rubs and hot princess tush you can stand! Eh? Eh?"
>He elbows you a couple times and laughs
>"I'll give you a couple days to make your decision! Although, the only real choice you have is what you get in return. Also, as a token of goodwill, leave that whole thing about Luna wanting to know about your "powers" to me. I'm an even better liar than you are!"
>With one final snaggle-toothed grin, he snaps his fingers, and everything goes white

>...
>You're back in the infirmary
>You immediately raise a hand up to your mouth
>Yep, reattached
>So, first and foremost, fuck that nigga
>This has setup written all over it
>You take care of whoever got the orb first, and then he just steps in, ends you, and claims it for himself
>And who even took it? He didn't tell you who you were up against
>He's just toying with you, knowing that you can't afford to say no
>And those rewards...
>Some damn tasty b8, but still b8, m8
>You clench your fists
>You don't have enough information, and you doubt there's much you can do against him, but...
>You'll figure something out
>You can't just let this happen
>You'll have to do some research for now, but what worries you most is what he might say to Luna
>Fuck!
>Everything about this place was warm and snuggly until just now, and you miss your ignorance of Equestria's dark secrets already
>Goddammit...

>You are Caring Touch
>And you're on your way back to your office, with a pudding cup and spoon in your mouth
>Anon had to give up the act sometime!
>And when that time came, you'd be ready!
>Armed with pudding and hugs, you'd get him to open up!
>It's only healthy!
>And it's your duty as a nurse to ensure his health!
>Resolute in your purpose, you continue down the hall
>Finally coming to your door, you press an ear to it
>No sound from within
>Is he /still/ putting up his tough front? You were sure he'd break down when he was alone...
>No matter!
>You'll talk to him again, and help him understand
>For a red suit, he wasn't even that scary
>You'll have to check his file to get a better understanding of him
>You knock
"Anonymous, I'm back!"
>You open the door, ready to begin your lecture anew
>But something's wrong
>You don't have a good grasp of hyumin body language, but he looks...
>Upset
>itbegins.jpg
>This is it!!
>You have to restrain yourself from skipping over to him
"Anonymous, are you alright? Do you have anything you'd like to speak to me about?"

>His reply is subdued
>"I'm fine, nurse. Just, uh... Just thinking about stuff."
>Oooooh!
>If you can get him to confide in you, you'll be one step closer to fully understanding him!
>Sympathy is a critical part of helping any patient!
"What stuff, Anonymous?"
>"It's... personal. I'd rather not talk about it."
>Awww...
>Well, you only just met him
>You'll have to schedule him an appointment sometime
>Warden will approve!
>He can't keep to himself forever!
>It isn't normal!
>For now, you'll start winning his trust with pudding
"Well, if you say so. Either way, I brought you a treat to help you perk up!"
>Present him the pudding and spoon
>His face lightens a little bit
>"Oh, thanks."
He reaches and gently takes them from your mouth
>...wow, he opened and devoured that in record time...
>Well, his appetite for pudding seems to be healthy!
"Now, Anonymous, I want you to know something. If you ever feel sad or lonely, come here and see me! I'm a licensed therapist too, so you can tell me all about your problems! Talking about your problems is the first step to solving them!"
>Anon's face goes blank for a moment, then breaks into a grin
>"...hm. Yeah. That might work."
>He's seen the light!
>You're so happy right now!
"Do you want to talk about your problems now?!"
>"Yeah! But, uh, I can't. Er, not with you."
>DESPAIR!
>W-why? You brought him pudding!
>He reaches down and-
>Oh
>Ohhhhhhhhhh
>Wh-
>What is-
>What is this sensation?!
>It's like... Elysium behind your ears...
>Ahhhhhhh...
>"I didn't mean anything by it, Nurse Touch. You did an awesome job on making me feel better. It's just I don't think you can help me with this, and I also think that knowing what was going on would just scare you. You're a nice pony, and a great nurse."
>S...So nice...
>Should he really be in prison? He's such a sweetie!
>And whatever he's doing to the back of your ears, you just hope he never stops
>But your hopes are dashed as he withdraws his hand
>Drat... That felt great...

>"Nurse Touch-"
"O-Oh, you can just call me Caring, Anon! Er, you can call me Anonymous if I can call you Caring, Anon! Er-"
>Gosh darn it!
>Your brain's all fuzzy!
>He just chuckles
>"I get it, and that's alright with me, Caring. Do you know if I'd be able to get a letter to someone outside the prison?"
>What a silly question! Of course inmates can send letters outside the prison! How else could they stay in contact with their families? Prison would be too much for ponies to handle otherwise!
"Absolutely Anon! I can get you a quill and parchment right now if you want!"
>"I'd appreciate that, Caring. Thanks in advance."
>His hand remains at his side
>Awww...
>Wait
>Maybe he'll do it again if you're really fast getting him his writing stuff?!
"Holdonjustasecond!!"
>You bolt across the room, magically rifling through your desk at the speed of Wonderbolts to get Anon his quill and parchment
>Having the two necessary items in your magical grip, you zip back across your office to the bedridden inmate
"H-Here!"
>He gives the quill an odd look
>Oh!
>Caring Touch, you silly pony! You forgot ink!
>You fly back across your office, seize your bottle of ink, and rush back-
>Ah
>You forgot to put the lid back on...
>Ink
>Ink everywhere
>Including all over poor Anon!
"I'm so sorry! Let me-"
>"It's alright. I'll just-"
>He gets out of bed!
>He can't get out of bed, his foot's still bruised!
>Why can he stand?!
>He peels off the ink-stained upper part of his uniform
>"There. I didn't get much on my pants, so this'll do." 
>He wipes his face with the clean part of his shirt, so you get a good view of his torso and arms
>He's clearly in the weights club for a reason
>U-Unf
>Bad! No lewd thought about inmates! They're criminals!
>B-But... Anon's nice... Maybe it was a mistake...?
>You can't just ask somepony - er, somehyumin? - why they're in prison though
>You'll just peek at his file later

>You are Anonymous
>And this nurse is great
>She bring you some pudding to cheer you up, and inadvertently advised you on how you're going to deal with Discord
>Dude's clearly setting you up for betrayal
>So you'll betray him first!
>Kinda
>You're just going to send a letter to Celestia
>Discord already told you he was going to speak to Luna, supposedly on your behalf
>You're not sure whether he's going to secretly rat you out, or blow her expectations of you way out of proportion, or what, but you're going to need royal help to deal with what he's trying to get you to do
>Which leaves Luna's older, hornier sister
>You're banking on her still being crazy about you, but you're pretty sure she still is judging from Discord's taunting
>Even if she isn't, she still thinks you're a god, so...
>You press the parchment against your leg, dip the quill, and start writing
>...
>This is kinda difficult...
>The first lines of your letter are ugly as hell
>Well, the piece of parchment's pretty big, so maybe you can just rip it off
>After some repeated folds, a lick, and careful tearing, you have a blank slate
>Restart writing.exe
>Better this time
>As you labor over your letter, you feel the nurse staring at you
>You look over at Caring, only for her to avert her eyes the moment you do
>You focus on your letter again
>Sure enough, you get the feeling again
"If there's something on my face, I'd like to know."
>You crack a little joke, but she just squeaks
>"N-No! I, uh, I just... What are you exactly? The Overseer just told me you were a human, but I've never heard of humans before, so..."
>Overseer
>She called Brass that earlier
>Dude's got a badass job title
"I'm not really surprised you haven't heard of us. I come from a place called Earth. It's really far away."
>She tilts her head
>If you hadn't already seen Luna do it, your heart would have melted a little
>"Why are you in Equestria if your home is so far away? Don't you miss your family?"

>Oof
>Right in the repressed homesickness
"Yeah, I do. But I came here for a reason, and I can't go home until I've settled it."
>"What is it?"
>You shoot Caring a grin
"Secret."
>Caring Touch used Pouty Face!
>It's somewhat effective
"I can't tell you the specifics, but someone brought me here to do something. But, when they told me what they wanted me to do... It was bad. I didn't want to do it. But, if I don't take some kind of action, something worse might happen. So like you said, I'm going to talk about it with someone and get help. That's what the letter's for."
>If Discord was telling the truth about that freaky orb, and someone bad really does already have it, the least you can do before you go home is deal with it
>You have no idea how you'll do it, but that's never stopped you before
>You'll beat the mysterious orb thief, then prevent Discord from doing whatever the fuck it is he's trying to set up, then force him to return you
>You owe Discord an ass-kicking anyway
>Doesn't matter if he's a chaos god, he's been beaten twice by six cuddly ponies
>How tough can he be?
>And although a lifetime supply of princess kisses and tight moon-stamped booty sounds absolutely amazing, you have to get home
>Your new friends will be sad, but...
>You can't just abandon your old life
>"Well Anon, I'm glad you have a friend to write to! Who is it?"
>Uh
>Should you tell her? Would she even believe you?
>...Fuck it, you've told enough lies here
>Just tell her
"It's Princess Celestia."
>Her eyes nearly bug out of her head
>"R-Really? You know the Princess?!"
"Yeah. She was interested in humans too, so she came to, uh, visit me. We're friends."
>"Wow, Anon! That's so cool!"
"Heheheh. I know Princess Luna too."
>"BOTH Princesses?! Why are you still in prison then?!"
>She covers her mouth suddenly
>"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to pry..."
"It's fine. I'm here because I did something wrong, and my sentence isn't even that long anyway."

>You've been working on your letter this whole time, and you think it's ready
"I'm done with my letter, Caring. Where do I take it to get sent?"
>"/You/ aren't taking anything anywhere, mister. You're on bed rest until tomorrow, remember?"
"I remember standing up perfectly earlier."
>She places a hoof on your leg
>Comfort with this situation slightly decreased
>"Anon. I know you're a red suit. I know you have to act tough. And you're very good at it. I'm sure any number of black suits have their eye on you for recruiting. But it's /okay/. I'm here for you. When you're hurt you have to rest!"
>This fucking cute nurse
>You were hoping to weasel your way out of staying here all day, but you can't refuse a cute little speech like that
>Plus, you'd probably just make Brass mad again for going off without him
>Bed rest it is
"Alright. Can you take it for me, then?"
>She beams
>"You betcha! I'll be right back!"
>She levitates your letter, rolls it up, and walks out of the office
>You just kick back and wait

>You're Caring Touch
>And your heart is pounding
>He's
>So
>Perfect
>He's friends with the Princesses! And is nice, and good-looking, and probably strong, and is apparently serving a short sentence!
>AND HIS FINGERS
>Uggggghhhhh
>You want them behind your ears again
>A-And maybe on your tummy too...
>200%lewd.jpg
>But you don't care how lewd it is, or how recently you met him
>You're a beautiful young mare only a few years out of nurse school!
>You'll do what you like
>And you like that hyumin
>You skip down the hall to the mail office, deposit Anon's letter, and proceed to skip back towards your little infirmary where your favorite inmate awaits
>You have an entire day with him
>An entire day to get him to touch you again!
>...
>You may need a quick shower first...
>You have your own in the infirmary, although it's also for inmates staying overnight
>Anon will have to use it too...
>You just can't keep your mind out of the gutter after meeting him!

>You'll definitely need a cold shower to calm yourself down before you talk to him again
>And then you're going to care for that inmate
>You're gonna care for him so hard
>You make your way back, and Anon's still there
>You half-expected him to be out of bed, just to act tough
>Not that you don't like it when he does that
>Well, you don't, but only because he's risking his health!
>Boo-boos are terrible in general
>And his are /really/ terrible
>His poor foot!
"I'm glad you stayed in bed, Anon. Let me take a quick shower, and then I'll right back with you!"
>"Alright."
>You take the quickest shower of your life
>For one, because you want as much time with Anon as possible
>For two, you came a little /too/ close to rubbing your own belly in the shower, with Anon separated from you only by a wall
>U-Ultra lewd
>Maybe when he leaves...
>You hop out, towel off, don your nurse cap, and walk back out
>Right into Anon
"A-Anon, honestly, I told you-!"
>"I know, I know. I just want to shower too. I didn't get a chance to clean off after weight lifting."
>Oh
>Oh no
>These mental images
>Thank goodness you aren't a pegasi, your wings would be diamonds
"S-Sure! Go ahead! I-I'll grab you another uniform while you're in!"
>"Thanks, Caring. You really live up to your name, huh?"
>He chuckles as he gives one of your ears a quick scratch
>This
>Sweet Celestia, you're addicted to this
>It takes all your willpower not to follow him into the shower
>Once the door closes, you check the supplies cupboard for a spare red minotaur-type uniform
>Found it!
>You set it next to the door to the shower, then move over to Anon's bed
>You magically strip the sheets and blanket, setting them aside and levitating over a new set
>There! Fresh and clean!
>You move the old sheets to the dirty laundry hamper
>He'll totally scratch your ear again for this
>And if not, then you'll just care for him more until he does!
>And maybe make sure he's single while you're at it...

>You're bipedal and in the shower, so you're probably Anon
>As great as the hot water feels, you try to keep it quick
>There's a little bar of soap in here that you use
>Squeaky-clean
>Stepping out and toweling off, you peek your head out the door
>Can't see Caring
"Hey Caring? Do you have that spare uniform?"
>"It's by the door!"
>So it is
>You pick it up and bring it back in
>Get dressed
>Check yourself in the mirror
>Not too shabby Anon
>You could do with a shave though
>Maybe you can get some shaving stuff in town if Warden lets you go on that trip
>Considering security is nonexistent here and you're friends with the head guard, you could smuggle it in easily
>You step back out into the infirmary
>Caring's waiting for you
>She...
>Did she change the sheets on your bed?
>Jesus
>This is a dedicated nurse
>You heave yourself up onto your bed
"So what now? Do we just hang out until tomorrow? You don't seem to get too many injured ponies in here."
>She perks up a little at that
>"Oh, we can do whatever you like! I can go grab a board game from the game room if you want, or a book from the library, or-"
>She's really pumped about making you feel at ease
>It strikes you how fucking /dedicated/ most of the ponies you've seen here have been
>Warden always seemed really cheery towards her staff and prisoners
>Brass took his duties as your chaperone seriously even after he realized you didn't really need one
>The members of the cooking and weights clubs both were really into their hobbies
>And now this nurse
>"Anon? What do you think?"
>Ah, shit
>Spaced out
"I'm fine with whatever you'd like to do, Caring."
>Smooth
>She looks excited
>"Let's play a game! Do you like checkers?"
"Yeah!"
>"I'll go get the board, then! Be right back!"
>She runs out of the office
>You feel a little bad about making her run all over the prison, but she's hell-bent on keeping you in bed
>You wait a while, and she eventually returns
>She holds the box in her little magic force-field

>She runs over to you, then hesitates
>"Hold on, I'll get a table-"
>Fuck that, she's run around enough already
"Nah, just hop up."
>You pat your legs
>Her eyes widen
>"O-Oh, I couldn't! You're hurt!"
"It's only my foot and chin, and even those don't really hurt unless I put pressure on them. C'mon, take a seat."
>She leaps up like a cat
>These ponies and their weird physiology, man
>She gingerly sets the box on your lap, then lowers herself down on top of your legs
>You open the box and set up the board
"What color do you want?"
>"Y-You can choose!"
>Hm
"I'll go with black, then."
>You divvy up the pieces, line them up, and the game begins
>It's been forever since you last played, but you're fairly confident
>After you've been playing a while, Caring breaks the silence
>"Do you mind if I ask you some personal questions?"
"Go for it."
>"Do you... um... have a... a..."
>Her voice gets really quiet
"A what?"
>"A uh, big family! Yeah. Big family. That's what I meant."
>Cute little word-forgetting pony
>Luna's still your girl, but it doesn't change the fact that this nurse a qt
"Not really. It's just me and my parents. What about you?"
>"I'm the same! Only child high-hoof!"
>She holds up a hoof
>You meet it with a hand, chuckling
>The hours pass just like this, with small talk and checkers
>You weren't sure how you felt about her rubbing a hoof along your leg
>But it as probably just her thinking about her next move
>By dinnertime, you were both sick of checkers
>"I'll go get some food for the both of us, and a new game!"
>She heads out, taking the box with her
>10/10 Nurse of the Year
>She comes back with two trays of food, and a box containing another game
>That force field can apparently carry a lot
>Interesting
>She sets her tray down at her desk, and levitates both the game and your food over to you
>Looks like connect four
>You devour your food, while she takes a little more time with hers
>She jumps right back onto your bed after
>"Want to make a bet?"

>You've always been a bit of a gambling man
"What do you have in mind?"
>"For every round I win, you have to..."
>Her face goes a little red
>"Scratch my ears."
>...
>Ooooookay
>That's a little weird
>But you'll roll with it
>You kind of just did it on reflex, since she's small and cute and all
>But she apparently likes it
>No harm, no foul you suppose
"I can do that. And for every round I win..."
>Hmm
>That pudding was pretty great earlier
"For every round I win, you'll sneak me one additional pudding a day for as many days as wins. Fair?"
>She nods eagerly
>"Fair! Y-You'll have to come get the pudding from my office though! It'd be suspicious if other ponies saw me giving it to you!"
>Makes sense
"Sounds good. Let's do this!"
>You set up the little plastic rack and grab your little colored pieces
>You honestly don't care whether you win, as both sides of this bet are a positive for you
>Win, you get pudding
>Lose, you get to scratch Caring's ears
>You think you might even let her win the first game
>You let her go first
>The pieces stack up until, sure enough, it's her win
>"Yes!!"
>She gives a little hoof pump
>You chuckle and move the game out of the way, feigning resignation
"A bet's a bet. C'mere."
>She eagerly scoots forward, the top of her head meeting your waiting hand
>"Aw yeah, right there..."
>She coos softly as you scratch
>...
>This feels kinda dirty
>Is this lewd?
>You read that book on pony physiology pretty carefully, and you don't think this is an erogenous zone
>She's sure enjoying it though...
>Whatever
>She likes it, you like it
>What's the harm?
>You continue your ministrations, moving your hand up one ear and gently rubbing it
>She's squirming around on your lap
>Her back leg's even twitching a little bit
>You continue a little longer, then decide to resume the game
"Alright, that's enough. Let's play some more."
>"B-Buh? Oh, uh, yeah, totally! Let's play more! Hope you like rubbing my ears, because I plan to keep winning~."

>The games continue
>You've racked up more bonus puddings than you have actual days left in jail
>You're going to have to claim like three per day or something
>Caring is in a happy daze from all the attention her ears have received
>And is doing that thing where she rubs your leg while thinking about her next move again
>The hours passed quickly, and it's getting close to your preferred hour to pass out
"I think we should call it a night, Caring. I'm kinda tired."
>"Oh, okay! You certainly need your rest, after all."
>She still seems a little sad
>Is her job seriously so boring that the highlight of her day is playing connect four with you?
>...Then again, literally nobody else came in this whole time...
>She cleans up the pieces, putting everything away neatly in the box
>She sets it over on her desk
>You catch a brief glimpse of a pastel glow around the light switch before the lights go out
>You burrow down in your bed, getting nice and cozy
>Even the infirmary beds are decently comfy
>Step up your game, Earth mattress manufacturers
>...
>Wait
>She's still sitting on your legs
"Caring? Where are you going to sleep?"
>"Ah, I uh... I was thinking- I mean, since we're both comfortable- together, maybe...?"
>...
>You gotta draw the line there
>You couldn't face Luna knowing that you let another mare share a bed with you
>You've pushed your luck far enough in this world anyway
"I'm sorry Caring, but a guy and a girl sharing a bed is considered pretty intimate where I'm from, and I've got somebody. I'll have to decline."
>She hurriedly clambers off the bed
>"S-Sorry! I didn't know you were spoken for!"
"Don't worry about it. I'll see you in the morning."
>"Yeah... Goodnight, Anon. Sleep well."
"You too. Goodnight."
>You shut your eyes, content to go see your literal dream girl without another mare in your bed

>You've got a pretty serious heart fracture, so you must be Caring Touch
>Of course he's taken
>The good ones always are
>But...
>He didn't seem to mind scratching your ears
>Maybe he'll keep doing it?
>You can only hope
>You don't want to have to kick this addiction the day you got it...
>...
>You hope his special somepony is pretty
>She'd better be
>...what if she isn't?
>Or worse, what if she isn't good for his health?! What if she has bad habits?! She might be the reason why he's in prison!
>You have to find out!
>And if she's no good for him, then...
>You'll convince him! With these feelings!
>You won't give up!
>You didn't quit in nurse school, and you sure won't quit now!
>For him!
>Burning with newfound determination, you move over to the dirty laundry hamper
>You dig Anon's old sheets and blanket out, wrap yourself in them, and take a running leap onto the bed next to his
>You're just doing this because it's too much of a hassle to make up a new bed just for yourself!
>Yeah!
>Nurses don't have ulterior motives!
>L-Like sniffing his blankets because he smells nice!
>Only lewd ponies would do that!
>And you're totally not a lewd pony!

>You're a member of the glorious bipedal master race, so you have to be Anon
>...
>Weird
>Why are you dreaming of the infirmary?
>Caring Touch is even here, too, on the bed next to yours
>...?
>Wait
>That's sunlight coming through the window!
>This is real life, African-American! It's morning!
>What happened?
>Why didn't Luna visit you?
>Was it Discord?
>He said he was going to talk to her
>The fucking snake
>There was nothing you could do to prevent it, but still
>If he told her...
>But why? What would he gain from that? That'd just turn you against him and he supposedly needs your help
>...
>Maybe you're just overthinking this?
>Even if she's a princess, she probably can't spend /every/ night in your dreams
>She's probably behind on work or something
>Let's go with that for now
>Still, you're a little sad

>You check the clock on the wall
>Breakfast isn't for an hour or so
>You check some cabinets until you find the spare uniforms, then take a quick shower
>Clean as a whistle
>After you get out, you just flop back onto your bed and wait
>Brass said he'd come get you, so you'll just wait here
>It'd be kind of a dick move to leave without saying bye to Caring, too
>Speaking of
>She's waking up
>She pokes her head out of a big pile of blankets, bleary-eyed
"Good morning!"
>She takes a moment to process your greeting
>"Oh! Good morning, Anon! How do you feel?"
"I feel good. My foot and chin both feel fine."
>"Are you sure?"
"Sure I'm sure."
>"Hm... Well, If you think so... You're in the weights club, right? I'd like to at least observe you during club hours, just to be certain."
"If that'll convince you, then okay."
>She climbs down from the bed, and heads for the shower
>"I'm a nurse, Anon! I have to be certain!"
>She mumbles something after that, but you can't make it out, and she shuts the door before you can question
>Probably wasn't important anyway
>You continue chilling on your bed until she comes out of the shower
>"Anonymous, I remembered something."
"What?"
>"You haven't had your physical yet, right? All new inmates require one."
"Nope. Should we schedule one?"
>"Yes! It'd be helpful to get it out of the way quickly! When are you free?"
"Anytime after lunch, pretty much."
>"Okay! I'll get you written in, here..."
>She heads over to her desk
>"Tomorrow, then?"
"That works."
>A knock at the door
>Caring responds
>Come in!
>In walks the big, bad head guard himself
>You crack a smile
"Hey Brass. I'm healed."
>He smiles right back
>"Somehow I knew you would be. Thank you for looking after him, Nurse Touch."
>"Of course, Overseer. It's my job. Although, as I discussed with Anon, I'd like to observe him during club activities just to make sure."
>Brass glances at you
>You nod
>"Well, I don't see a problem with that, Nurse. We'll see you there."

>You and Brass leave the clinic, headed for the cafeteria
>"How was your night in the infirmary? Personally, I can't stand being bedridden."
"It wasn't that bad. It was fun, actually. Caring thinks I'm pretty awesome. We talked and played board games all night."
>You also think she may have been coming on to you, but you aren't sure
>If the sisters are anything to go off of, ponies are pretty direct
>Whatever
>She knows you've got interest in someone else, so it shouldn't be an issue
>Hit the cafeteria, acquire edible substances
>You and Brass claim your usual table
"So how was your day off from following me around Brass?"
>"It was kinda nice. I'll admit I kind of missed watching all the chaos that happens with you around, but I got to check on the guards that brought you in. They're feeling better."
"That's good. They, uh... Are there any hard feelings about that, by the way?"
>"They're pretty scared of you, Anon. I wouldn't worry about any rude behavior coming from them."
>Brass leans in, shielding his mouth with a hoof
>"Between you and me, a lot of the low-level guards here are weenies."
"Yeah? How'd they even get the job?"
>"Sometimes a pony just falls on hard times. Warden takes them in just because she's a kind soul, but I'm the one who has to make them into prison guards. At first, most of them can't even stand to look at the red and black suits, much less break up a scuffle."
>Brass shakes his head
>"All my best guards handle the black suits and their gangs. I got one mare, Cookies n' Cream, who can handle anything, but she's just one mare. It's situations like this where I miss being in the guard. At least everyone there was capable."
"Why even leave then? I get that you got tired, but couldn't you have just sought a managerial position or something? If Celestia personally chose you to keep tabs on me, she must think you're pretty capable. You could've landed a cushy gig."
>Brass is silent for a moment, eyes falling to the table

>"It... just wasn't for me anymore."
>...something happened
>You can tell that much
>But if your quadrupedal bro doesn't feel like talking about it, you aren't gonna pry
"Fair enough. You wanna lift with us this afternoon?"
>Brass looks up at you, blinking
>"Really?"
"Of course, man. It sucks that you have to just hang out and watch. Let's lift some heavy stuff together."
>Brass grins
>"Sounds good to me."
>Internal fist pump
>Gonna get swole with guardbro
>"Anonymous!"
>You turn your head to see Warden rush up to your table, breathing rapidly
>"I herd that you spent yesterday in the infirmary! What happened?"
"You heard right. It was a weight room accident. I'm fine, though."
>"Are you sure? Nurse Touch reported that you were struck on the chin and foot!"
"Warden, it's okay. I promise. I just made a silly mistake."
>She stares at you for a moment before replying
>"...If you say so, Anonymous. Just be careful."
"I will, ma'am. Thanks."
>Warden smiles
>"Such a polite prisoner! I'm proud of you, Anonymous. You've come so far in such a short time!"
>OH!
>That reminds you
"Warden, is good behavior enough to get permission to go on the field trip to..."
>Shit, what's this city's name again?
>It's some kind of pun...
>"Canterlot. Anon's hoping to go along on the trip into Canterlot, Warden."
>Brass picks up where you left off
>Warden puts a hoof up to her chin in consideration
>"Hmmm... I don't see why not. I think it'll be a good thing for the citizens to see a reformed high-level inmate. I'll add you to the list, Anonymous!"
>Fuckin' sweet!
"Thanks Warden!"
>"No need for thanks, Anonymous. You've earned it!"
>Warden says her goodbyes to you and Brass shortly after, heading out of the cafeteria
>You and Brass focus on your food, but you still hear snatches of conversation from the tables around you
>".../how/ much weight?"
>"Only one day in the infirmary? What is he?"
>"I hear both Twitch /and/ Alexei are after him. He's doomed, I tell ya."
>Interesting

"Brass."
>"I heard them too. Alexei and Twitch are both black suits."
>Brass leers over at the noisy table
>The inmates, seeing his gaze, instantly fix their eyes on their trays
>Damn
>Is Brass really that intimidating to them?
>Though if some human prison guard who was also a former soldier was looking at you like that, you'd probably shut the fuck up too
"The black suits are kept separate from the normal inmates, right? Do you think it'll be a problem?"
>"For you? No. Knowing Alexei, he'll just wait for an opportunity to send some of his goons to bring you to him. Twitch, though... He's a strange one. He doesn't have any lackeys, but he's been able to slip by his security detail before. He might come looking for you himself."
"What are they like? What should I expect if I run into Twitch?"
>"Alexei's the griffon nobility I told you about the other day. Twitch is the serial smacker."
>You manage to contain your giggles this time
>Brass still knows what you're thinking though
>"Don't take him lightly, Anon. He's disturbed, and fast even without his wings."
>Brass is pretty serious about this
>But you honestly aren't that worried
>What's he gonna do? Sneak up behind you and slap your ass? It's not like he can reach your face without flying
"I'll keep it in mind. C'mon, it's time to lift."
>You both dump your trays and head out, walking to the weight room

>You're Nurse Caring Touch
>Presently waiting outside of the weights club room for Anon and Overseer Badge to arrive
>You're here to make sure Anon's healthy enough to be exerting himself, and...
>And to see if his marefriend is in the weights club too
>But what if she isn't? What if she isn't even in the prison to begin with?
>You don't have the nerve to ask him who she is quite yet
>...what are you even doing?
>What if he starts to not like you because you're so nosy about his life?
>You can't help it though
>You want to know more about him
>You put in a request for his file after he left this morning

>You wonder what he did to get into prison in the first place
>And as a red suit!
>That has to be some kind of mistake
>Maybe the princess will help him after she gets his letter
>You stand waiting idly for a little longer, then you hear his voice
>"Hey, Caring!"
>He's here!
>Okay
>Control yourself, Caring Touch
>Patient’s safety first, ear scratches later
>Anon walks up to you, Overseer Badge beside him
>"You ready?"
“Mmhm! Just exercise normally. I'll be observing you to make sure nothing happens with your injuries."
>"Sounds good."

>Be Anon once again
>Walk into the weight room like what up I got a big bench
>There’s a general cry of surprise as the weights club sees you
>”Anon?!”
>”Dude, you’re already out?”
>”Does anything stop you?”
>”Welcome back!”
>Steel Trap pats you on the back
>”Can’t believe you’re up and walking again already! Are you sure you’re good to go?”
>You gesture back towards Caring
“That’s what she’s here to figure out. Also…”
>You bump Brass’ shoulder with a knee
“Can this guy lift with us? I know he’s a guard, but he’s my friend. And I hate to make him just sit around while he’s here.”
>A silence falls, as the weights club members look at each other
>They huddle in a circle, whispering
>You roll your eyes, but it's their club
>After a few minutes of deliberation, they break the circle, and Steel Eye, Sand Stone, and one of the male griffons step forth
>Viktor, you think his name was
>Steel Eye speaks first
>”Guard Captain. This isn’t a plant or anything?”
>Brass deadpans, and replies
>”If I wanted to plant a guard in the weights club I wouldn’t be so obvious about it, Steel Eye. Anon invited me to work out. That’s all.”
>Viktor speaks next
>”Then there ain’t no problem. Welcome to the club.”
>Sand Stone pipes up
>”Let’s see what you’ve got, copper.”
>Brass whispers to you
>”I get why you lost it that one time. Getting looked down on is maddening."

>Brass takes off his guard cap, offering it to you
>”Hold this.”
>disgonbegud.avi
>You take the cap and watch eagerly as Brass takes a couple steps forward, approaching Sand Stone
>”Inmate Stone. In accordance to the goals of our kindly Warden Sharp, let me give you a piece of advice. Continuously taunting others and doubting their abilities is not a good way to make friends. Anon was pretty miffed with you when you did it to him-“
>Sand Stone shoots you an apologetic look over Brass’ shoulder
>”-and I’m pretty miffed with you right now. So, we’re going dispel your doubts in the same fashion as Anon did, since that seems to be the most effective way. It’s going to be just me and you. Pick a lift. Then I’ll trounce you in it.”
>Hot damn!
>Let’s see what Brass can do!
>Sand Stone scrunches her face indignantly
>”Bring it! Let’s do bench!”
>Wait, ponies bench?
>Regardless of your doubts, a couple club members set up the rack and Sand Stone climbs in
>70 lbs, Magnolia spotting
>Sand puts her hooves up against the bottom of the bar and lifts off
>How
>Literally how
>Her hooves are fucking flat!
>Why isn’t the bar slipping off?!
>…you think you’ll just stop trying to explain this shit
>Sand raises the weight three times before re-racking
>She gets up off the bench, huffing
>"Th-there. Now, put your money where your mouth is!"
>Brass cracks his neck
>"Let's see... Throw on 85."
>[Collective horse/griffon gasp]
>Minotaurs look a little impressed
>"Anon, you mind spotting me?"
"Not at all."
>You move behind the bench, setting Brass' cap on top of your head to free up your hands
>Brass sets his hooves under the bar, takes a deep breath, and heaves
>The bar lifts up off the rack, and begins its descent
>Brass' got veins sticking out on his face as he lifts the bar back off his chest
>1
>2
>3
>The head guard racks the bar, sits up, and looks directly at Sand Stone
>"Any further comment, inmate?"
>Ripindip Sand's self-esteem

>The rest of weight club went smoothly
>Brass issued a small, somewhat sincere apology to Sand for the public humiliation
>Caring Touch was with you through every exercise, making sure you were okay
>She kept forcing herself in between you and Magnolia whenever she congratulated you, for some reason
>Silly little pony
>After weights wrapped up, you, Brass, and Caring all left together
>Brass took a moment to stretch out his legs as he left the room
>"Ahhhh, that felt good. Thanks for inviting me, Anon."
"No problem, Brass. Glad you had fun."
>Caring chimes in
>"Well, Anon, you're officially fully healed. And... goodness, are all humans that strong?"
>You chuckle
"Not all. But I'm certainly not the strongest."
>Brass mutters something that sounds like "bucking elder gods" under his breath
>Caring just stares wide-eyed in that cute little way ponies do
>"W-Wow... Anyway, I'll still see you tomorrow for your physical, okay?"
"Sure. What time?"
>She thinks for a moment
>"How about early, before breakfast? We can do the physical then go eat together!"
"That sounds good."
>"Nurse Touch, can you photograph him during the physical? It's request from the princesses, since Anon's a, uh... new species."
>"Certainly Overseer, but haven't they seen him already? Anon says he's friends with them."
>Brass waggles an eyebrow at you
>"Yes /very/ good friends. But the photos will be for scientific purposes."
>"Ah, I see. Well, I think..."
>Caring looks at you briefly
>"...I can manage that."
"Cool. I'll see you tomorrow morning then, Caring."
>You give her a quick ear scratch before you head on your way
>"Y-Yeah! See you!"

>Be Confident Vigilance, the Solar Guard
>You're presently attending to Princess Celestia as she reads mail on her throne
>Given that the Solar Princess is dearly loved by every Equestrian citizen, and is an important figure in the world at large, she often has a good deal of mail to sort through
>Today, it seems she's received an exciting one!

>The Princess gets up and does a little happy dance
>Ahhh, it makes you happy to see the Princess happy!
>Who could the letter be from?
>It looks like she's writing a reply!
>How super!
>Everything's gone back to normal after the terrible fight between the sisters the other night
>A vase was even knocked over!
>They fixed it with magic, but still
>Frightening
>Princess Celestia was quite upset afterwards as well
>So this letter came at an opportune time
>You hope the sisters make up soon
>You can't handle terror like that
>Solar Guards are meant deal with rowdy ponies and mean monsters, not angry alicorns

>Since you're a big guy, for them, you must be Anon
>You and Brass spent the rest of the time before lunch hanging around in your cell after you went to the baking club for your daily share of sweet baked goods
>Brownies today, fuck yeah
>As you sat at your table with equum fratrem, munching chocolatey goodness, you posed a query
"Hey Brass. What can you tell me about the Elements of Harmony? Have you ever seen them?"
>"Nope. I can tell you that they're supposedly 6 younger mares that live out in some small town, one of them being Princess Celestia's protege. That's about as much as anyone knows."
>Shit
>You were hoping for a little more than that
"What's with all the secrecy?"
>"Calling it secrecy is a little much, Anon. Most ponies just don't really pay attention to stuff like that. As long as they're not directly affected by it, it's hard to get folks to care about current events. Why? Do you want to meet them?"
>If you were going to make sure Discord wasn't trying to backstab you, a good move would be to have the only six ponies able to deal with him on your side
"Yeah. But if you don't know where they're at, it's okay. I sent Celestia a letter, she's supposed to come see me after she gets it. I'll ask her then."
>"Oh, that'll be nice. Honestly, you should have her pardon you and get out of prison, Anon. You could live with her in the castle!"

>He's got a point
>You could just let the sisters get you out of jail
"...I hadn't really considered that."
>You lightly elbow Brass, your tone taking on a teasing note
"You'd have to go back to actually working all day, though. Did you think about that?"
>Brass' face goes blank for a moment
>He turns to look at you
>"That's true... We wouldn't be able to to just wander around all day! Never mind! Serve your sentence! Get an extension on it, even!"
>You laugh
>This fucking horse
"I gotta get out sometime, man. And we can still hang out when I do."
>"You mean it?"
"You bet. You're a cool guy, Brass."
>He looks down at the floor for a moment, then looks back to you, smiling
>"Thanks."
"No, thank /you/."
>You pat Brass on the shoulder, then remember
"Going back to Celestia, you think she got my letter yet?"
>"Probably. The mail won't consider your letter priority, so she won't see it right away, but she's bound to have at least received it by now-"
>FWOOSH
>FUCKING SHIT
>A scroll drops from a fleeting, green fireball right onto your table
"What the hell?!"
>"Dragonfire mail! That'll be her!"
>Dragonfire mail?
>Well, if Brass says so...
>You pick up the scroll, noting the golden sun on the wax seal
>Yup, Celestia
>You crack it open, unrolling the parchment
>...is that perfume...?
>And the i's are dotted with hearts...
>You read through the letter
>Nice
>She's going to come see you tonight
>You'll hopefully be able to get some help with handling your chaos problem
>"What's it say?"
"She's coming to see me tonight."
>Cue eyebrow waggle from bro horse
>"I'll make sure you two aren't /interrupted/."
>You aren't sure when you'll tell him that it's the other princess you're seeing, despite what he saw
>For now, you just chuckle
"Thanks, peeping tom. Let's go get lunch."
>"Hey, it's not like I meant to do that! You should've at least locked your door!"
"...Do I seriously have a lock on my door?"
>"Yeah. Why wouldn't you?"
>Silly, silly ponies

>You and Brass eat lunch without incident
>But afterwards is where the incident happens
>Viktor, the griffon, approaches you
>"Anon, can I talk to you really quick?"
"Sure. What's up?"
>"I... I was asked to give you this."
>He presses a piece of paper into your hands
>"It's from Alexei."
>Oh boy
>"Look, Anon, I'm sorry. I tried to talk him out of it, but he's prideful. And if you're a griffon, you can't really go against him. He's nobility."
"It's okay, Vik. I'll handle it."
>He just nods
>"I know. There's a lot of folks who want to watch."
>...what?
>Viktor moves away before you can question him further
>You look at the note

Anonimuss the Hyumin,
I, Alexei of the illustrious house of Blackbeak, demand you bend the knee to me and become my underling. I shall await you in the yard at recess. If you do not yield, you will be made to. If you do not appear, you will be hunted. I've heard wild rumors of your strength and look forward to testing it. I suggest you do not disappoint me.
>...cocky motherfucker, isn't he?
>"What's it say?"
>You hold it for Brass to read
>He scans the paper and snorts
>"Arrogant as ever. He's even going to try and do this in broad daylight. What do you want to do?"
"Can't we just use this note to get him punished?"
>"As much as I'd love for that to happen, it would be fraught with red tape. He's a noble, so we aren't allowed to treat him poorly. He'd complain."
"To who? Who's going to back him up?"
>"Other griffon nobility, that's who. He was imprisoned for bullying nobles and speaking rudely to a princess on a diplomatic visit. But griffons admire stupid stuff like shows of dominance and whatnot, so some nobility saw it as him standing up to Equestria. We have to report any change in how we handle black suit criminals, so they'd eventually find out we're punishing him, and do even more rude stuff as a result."
"Wow. Which princess?"
>"Princess Luna, actually."
>...
>You're gonna get beat, catbird
>In front of the whole prison

"Recess is about two hours away, right?"
>"Yeah... You know I can't let you fight Alexei, right?"
>You give him what you think is an innocent look
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
>He ain't buying it
>"Anon. I literally just read that note, plus I know you. You're a nice guy until something sets you off. And if the look on your face a second ago was any indication, you are thoroughly set off. Just let it go. I'll have the guards on recess duty on high alert, and whatever Alexei tries to pull will be stopped before it can even start."
>...
>Well, you won't have the satisfaction of slapping the black off of this dude's beak, but you don't want to make Brass mad
"If you say so, man."
>"I do say so. Now, head to your room and catch some z's. I'll go to the guard room to notify them of the situation."
"Alright. See you in a bit."
>You both leave the cafeteria and part ways
>As you walk back to your room, you realize this might be for the better
>Sure, you may want to teach that cocky avian a lesson, but if you straight-up attacked him you might get ostracized by your new friends
>They've got a pretty low tolerance for actual violence in ponyland
>They might even make you into a black suit, and then you'd just be stuck with Alexei and that other guy who's apparently after you
>Plus, Warden seemed genuinely proud of you for not making any trouble since the first incident
>Yeah, let's just leave it to guardbro
>You arrive back in your room
>Since you have two hours, you might as well take a shower
>Don't want to defile your glorious cloud mattress with post-weights sweat

>You are the hardest guard in the building, so you're definitely Brass Badge
>You walk into the guard lounge, hoping to catch a few of your subordinates
>Ah, perfect! Cookies is here!
"Guardsmare Cream. You're on black suit recess yard detail today, right?"
>She hops out of her seat at a table and salutes
>"That's right, Overseer! Why do you ask?"
"We might be in for some trouble."

>Cookies' eyes narrow
>"What kind of trouble, sir?"
"The inmate I've been chaperoning received a threatening note after lunch today. Alexei is apparently looking to do some recruiting."
>She gasps
>"A written threat!? That's terrible! That griffon's so mean!"
"He's a nasty one alright. But's that's why I'm coming to you on this. I need you to notify the rest of the guards working in the black suit area that they need to keep a tight watch on Alexei so he can't follow through on his threat. Also... Add any ponies we can spare to Twitch's security detail."
>Cookies pales
>Even she doesn't like dealing with Twitch
>"I-Is Twitch threatening your inmate too, sir?"
"It's only rumors at this point. But rumors are usually all we have to work with. Make it happen, Miss Cream."
>"Yes sir!"
>Cookies rounds up a few guards from around the room, then heads out
>You heave a sigh, moving over to the fridge to grab a drink
>Sisters, Anon's just a magnet for trouble
>And it couldn't happen to nicer guy!
>A prisoner becoming friends with a guard is almost entirely unheard of!
>You rummage through the fridge until you find your stash of Sweet Apple Acres Cider
>You'd re-labeled the bottles "carrot juice" to throw off your subordinates
>And your boss, too
>Warden didn't like it when you drank on the job
>Crack one open and take a swig
>Ahhhhh, that's the stuff
>Puts the fetlocks on a stallion's hooves!
>You drain the bottle, and one more for good measure
>Feeling a little better prepared for recess, you straighten your cap and leave the room
>You should probably notify Warden of these developments too
>She's got a rare gift for stunning spells
>You doubt it'll come to that, but Alexei's notorious for his violent ways
>Can never be too careful

>You are tall, clean, and looking to nap, so you're Anonymous
>After showering up and changing into one of the multiple uniforms hung up in your closet, you hop into bed and burrow down
>You hope Luna shows up, you'd like to see her

>You are Nurse Caring touch
>And you can't believe what you're reading
>Sweet, polite Anon, responsible for all those injured guards at the beginning of the week?
>And he's sentenced for 4 weeks?!
>He told you he had a short sentence!
>This is the /opposite/ of short!
>Poor guy
>He's so fixated with putting up a strong front...
>He must be terrified...
>What could ever cause him to lash out at guards like that, though?
>The socks thing didn't even bother you
>Personally, you're sad you weren't there to see it!
>Does he wear socks all the time?
>Was he wearing them while he was with you?!
>L-Lewd
>You'll have to check during his physical in the morning
>For purely medical reasons, of course
>You also had to get to the bottom of his irrational behavior!
>If Anon is under mental duress, you had to know so you could prescribe therapy!
>Cuddle therapy
>In your office
>For a day or five
>His marefriend can't get mad if it's nurse's orders!
>Yeah!
>You still need to find out who she is
>You don't think it's any of the ponies in the weights club, or that minotauress...
>You ponder your mysterious favorite prisoner as you work through your paperwork
>Tomorrow morning can't come soon enough!

>Back to being a dreaming Anon
>You float among the stars, watching constellations drift by
>You haven't felt this calm since you arrived here in ponyland
>You float for a long time
>"Anon..."
>You slowly recognize a voice gently calling your name
>There’s only one voice you hear in your dreams
"Luna...?"
>You feel a pair of forelegs wrap themselves around you, and a muzzle come to rest on your shoulder, but you see nothing aside from the stars
"Luna? I can't see..."
>”I’m slumbering too, since it’s day... Hard to manifest... But here with you, all the same..."
>Aw
>Her voice is all mumbly
>You curl up, snuggling your invisible princess
>”Anon, I wish to see you..."
"You see me every night, Luna."
>”Nooo… In the waking world… Dreams are not enough..."

>You smile at that
"Come see me tonight, then. Your sister's coming by too."
>"Sister is? Why...?"
"I need to talk to you two about Discord. He's been... bothering me."
>You hear a giggle
>"Ah, yes... Now that you mention, Discord told me something /interesting/ about you."
>...oh
>Oh shit
>It doesn't sound like he ratted you out, but this can't be good
"And what was that...?"
>You feel her muzzle next to your ear as she whispers
>"He claimed that you-"
>A low rumble fills the space as the dream starts shaking, and you hear Brass' voice as if over a long distance
"Hey, c'mon, what'd he say?"
>Luna laughs again
>"I think I'll leave you in suspense until tonight. It's only fair after the last dream~. And... When Sister arrives, can you-?"
>You chuckle
"I know. I'll remind her the relationship isn't open."
>You feel her nuzzle your face
>"Perhaps some day in the future. For now, I rather enjoy being your favorite."
>The stars fade as the dream ends, and you feel a pair of lips on yours as your consciousness fades
>"-up! It's time!"
>You groggily rise up off your bed, to find Brass shaking you
>"Time for recess, Anon. Ready?"
>After a dream like that, how could you not be?
"You bet. Let me throw a fresh shirt on and let's go."
>The both of you head out shortly after
>You put what Luna said in the back of your mind for now
>If she still cares for you, Discord hasn't sold you out
"So, what's the plan? What are we doing about our cocky griffon noble?"
>"/You/ won't be doing a thing. I've got most of my best guards out in the yard, and Warden's agreed to help if things get hectic. You getting involved would be violating the rules, and just add onto your sentence."
"You sure you've got this?"
>Brass motions to a baton strapped to the side of his torso
>"If worse comes to worst, I'll deal with him personally."
>...you're pretty sure that's a squeaky toy
>Well, you'll step in if it goes wrong
>You aren't about to let your best friend in this place get beat up

>You push the metal double-doors open and you and Brass step out into the prison yard
"So, is that fenced-off bit over there the black suits' enclosure?"
>"Yeah. For now, we just wait. The guards on black suit detail will attempt to contain Alexei when he starts making trouble. If it gets too wild, I'll head over there. If it gets worse, Warden will intervene and stun him so we can return him to his cell. Easy as pie."
>You hope so
>You wander around the yard until you find the weights club members
>"Hey Anon! That was some good work earlier!"
>"Can you tell us more of that story from a couple days ago? About the famous human?"
>"Hey, yeah! That was a great story!"
"Sure! Where'd I finish last time? Grendel?"
>You take a seat on the grass, and launch into the second part of Beowulf's epic
>Brass sits next to you, occasionally glancing over towards the fence of the enclosure
>You're getting into the story, gesticulating and acting out different voices
>You're getting to the part where Beowulf finds the cave of Grendel's mother when a guard pony rushes over to Brass and starts whispering
>"What?!"
>Brass shoots up form his seat, his outburst startling everyone in the group
>You get a sinking feeling in your gut
"What's the matter, man?"
>"It's... The situation's taken a bad turn. Stay here."
>Brass turns to leave
"Hey, Brass! Be careful, bro!"
>He waves a hoof as he gallops off

>You are Brass Badge
>And this is BAD
>"How in Celestia's name did he break his wing restraints?! Do we still have him contained?!"
>"Barely, sir! Cookies is attempting to hold him down with Padlock and Strict. They've kept him on the ground so far, but we need help! As for how, he got his talons on a pair of scissors. We think they may have been hidden in a cake he was brought as a gift."
>Gosh darn it!
>You'd have to hoof down a reprimand on the boys in gift screening
>But for now, it was time to do your job and handle the situation
"Go get Warden. I'll deal with this."

>Your subordinate breaks off and heads back into the prison, while you continue to the enclosure
>The guard manning the gate sees you coming
>He manages to get it unlocked and open just in time, and you gallop through it
>The sight that meets you is grim
>Three ponies wrestle with a massive griffon, surrounded by a group of fellow guards as they attempt to keep him pinned to the ground
>You charge into the melee, and finally bring the griffon to the ground
"Don't just stand there and watch! Get in here and help!"
>The guards jump at your shout, and a few hop into the pony pile
>Alexei is thoroughly pinned down, with a pony sitting on each limb and two on his torso
"Well done, guards! Now either you give up and go to time-out quietly, or we drag you there, Alexei. Choose."
>The griffon lord's eyes meet yours with cold fury
>"You will address me as Lord Blackbeak, peasant! Where is the human?"
>You get in his face and growl out your reply
"/You/ will address me as 'Overseer' or 'sir,' inmate. Your nobility means nothing here. And Anon's none of your concern."
>"Oh, but he is, /peasant/. I've heard very interesting things about his strength. Strong enough to defeat a pack of the ninnies you call guards by himself. Strong enough to defeat the Steel siblings in a lifting competition. With that kind of strength on my side, escape is all but guaranteed. Now..."
>With a sudden surge, he throws the guards off his torso and wings
>You don't hesitate
>You whip the baton out of its case on your side, and bring it down hard on the back of the griffon's head
>A satisfying squeak resounds as the weapon hits its mark, and Alexei screams in pain and rage
>"You dare strike me?! I shall make an example of you before my glorious return to Griffonia, puny equine!"
>With a screech, Alexei throws off the remaining guards, and towers over you
>"Overseer!"
>Cookies calls to you, and you see a few other guards looking to jump in
"Keep back! Secure the other black suits first!"

>You stare down the griffon as the guards mobilize around you, waiting for him to make the first move
>There's no way you can overpower him
>You just have to keep him from flying off
>As soon as Warden arrives, it's over
>The staring contest lasts a moment longer, and then-
>You duck your head just in time as he attempts to swat you with a wing
>Lunging forward, you catch him in the knee of his foreleg with your baton
>The griffon shrieks again, rearing up as you take a leap back
>He lands on the ground in a crouch, beginning to circle you
>Don't panic, Brass
>That's what he wants
>You slowly rotate in place, facing him constantly
>Watch the tail
>Griffons' tails twitch when they're about to-
>WHOA!
>You roll out of the way, a talon grazing your back
>You miss your old Solar Guard armor already
>But you've had worse
>Snorting, you counter-charge Alexei, slamming into his midriff as he recovers from his pounce
>Off-balance, he falls to the ground and you get another couple good whacks in with your baton
>The buffoon's got no combat experience
>Just another pampered noble! You bet you won't even need Warden for this!
>You hop back a safe distance from the fuming griffon, and some of the guards have begun to cheer you on
>"Get him, boss! Teach that griffon!"
>"Show him how earth ponies do it!"
>Alexei slowly stands up, eyes blazing in rage
>"It would seem I've underestimated you, little pony. But fear not. I shan't make such a mistake again."
>You don't respond
>It's not worth the breath
>You just keep glaring at him, adjusting your grip on your baton
>Not much longer now
>Warden should be here any minute
>Alexei slowly advances, keeping his guard up
>It'll be alright
>What you lack in reach, you make up for in flexibility

>You're a worried human, so you must be Anon
>Brass has been gone for a while
>You stayed put like he told you to, but...
>It just doesn't feel right
>You hate the thought of somebody else fighting your battles
>You're gonna check on him
>You make to get up from your little group
>Sand Stone stops you
>"Anon, where are you going?"
"I'm going to go check on Brass. I'll come back."
>Steel Eye shakes his head
>"I wouldn't do it. He headed over to the black suits' area. They're bad news."
"I know. Alexei threatened me at lunch. That's what this is about."
>[Collective horse/minotaur/griffon gasp]
>"All the more reason not to go, Anon! You'll just be walking right to him!"
"Guys, come on. I can handle myself. If everything's okay I'll be right back."
>The club members look at each other uncertainly
>Steel Magnolia speaks
>"Just be careful, Anon. We don't need you spending any more time in the infirmary."
"Don't worry. I'm the only one who can put me in the infirmary."
>The club members laugh at the memory of your little accident, and you do too
>With a wave, you run off towards the fence of the enclosure

>Back to being Brass Badge
>You're in a bit of a tight spot
>Alexei's being careful now
>His swipes are fast and precise, and you've taken a couple more hits
>But you can take a bunch more!
>You keep ducking and weaving, as Alexei taunts you
>"You dance very well, little guard. A pity this isn't a ball."
>You grit your teeth
>Just keep him distracted
>As long as he doesn't escape, it's your win!
>"Open the gate!"
>That voice! It's her!
>With victory approaching, you're filled with new energy
>You feint left, and as Alexei swings you smack him
>Pow! Right in the kisser
"The only thing that's pitiful here is how short-sighted you are, inmate. It's over."
>"Silence! You think one hit to face seals your-"
>"Stop this at once! Inmate Alexei, you are ordered to give yourself over to security peacefully!"
>The hulking griffon whips around, coming face-to-face with Warden Sharp
>His head whips around, a hateful glare on his face
>"So this was your plan."
>You chuckle
"And you waltzed right into it."
>The griffon growls
>"I won't warn you again, Alexei! Cease your violent behavior this instant!"

>The griffon faces Warden again
>"I'll not be confined any longer! I refuse to go quietly!"
>Warden nods sadly
>"As you wish."
>Her horn lights up, and the spell comes out
>But Alexei's a little quicker on the uptake than you gave him credit for
>With a great flap of his wings, and he leaps up into the air, and the stun spell misses him
>And hurtles towards you instead
>A single shout of surprise is all that gets out of you before the spell hits, and you fall to the ground in a heap
>Welp
>That'll teach you to gloat
>You hear the griffon's laughter as he circles overhead
>"A sad little mishap! Just another wonderful showcase of pony incompetence!"
>A couple wingbeats later, and he's out of the enclosure
>Warden's shouting for some of the guards to give chase, but as a few others gather around you to make sure you're alright, you know there's no need
>After all, he's going to go try and bully Anon
>You almost feel bad for Alexei
>Almost

>You are Anonymous
>You're also very angry human
>You saw it
>The last part of the fight, Warden's arrival, and Brass going down
>You /knew/ something like this would happen
>The griffon's kind of right
>Ponies are adorably incompetent
>But being right doesn't excuse him from the unholy rage he's about to have visited upon him
>You watch coldly as the black-suited criminal circles down, landing in front of you
>Other griffons from around the yard have also gathered in a circle around you
>"Anonymous. I trust you'll be a good boy and make this easy on yourself?"
>You'd put a little thought into what you were going to do if something like this happened
>You arrived at the perfect conclusion
>Just beating the smug out of him would be too easy
>No
>You're going to strip him of any dignity he may once have had
>Right here
>Right now
>Make peace with whatever gods you hold, catbird
>Because you're about to cry like a little bitch in front of the entire prison

>As you regard the griffon, guards rush out of the enclosure, creating a standoff with the griffon minions as they array to face them
>Other prisoners gather further away, drawn by the ruckus
"Indulge me first. What do you even need my help for? Just cut all your friend's wings restraints like you have your own, and you could all just fly away."
>"The pegasi of the Solar Guard are quite swift in the air. We could not escape that way. On the other claw, if you are willing to aid us in a ground escape, we have a much better chance. My allies in Griffonia have arranged to meet us halfway. We shall be back over the border within days. And you shall have asylum in my nation. I promise you that."
>That's a half-decent plan
>You'll give him credit for that much at least
"Alright. Well, I hate to break it to you, but getting my help isn't as easy."
>The griffon arches an eyebrow, and some of his goons start taking steps toward you
>"Oh...?"
"I have it pretty good here, I don't feel like leaving. But I'll tell you what. If you can beat me at an old human game, I'll side with you and bust you out. But if you lose..."
>You jerk your head over towards Brass being borne into the prison by Warden and some other guards
"I'm going to punish you for roughing up my friend. Deal?"
>Alexei sneers, confidence radiating off of him
>"A fair exchange, though your being friends with a guard of all things makes me question your intelligence. They're the ones holding you here, and yet you play at niceties with them?"
>You snort
"And you saying that will just make me enjoy this even more."
>You offer your hand
"Put your claw in mine."
>He looks confused, but complies
"This is a contest of both strength and resilience. We're going to take turns hitting the back of each other's hand. When you give up, you lose. I'll let you go first."
>Alexei laughs
>"This will be short indeed! Prepare yourself!"
>He raises his other claw, cocks back, and slams it into the back of your hand

>You are Cookies n' Cream
>You're a prison guard! One of the best!
>And right now, you're witnessing a spectacle unlike any you've ever seen
>You came tearing out of the black suit enclosure ready to put a whooping on that jerk of a griffon
>But his minions were making a ring around him while he confronted another inmate!
>It's the one all the rumors talked about! He beat up the detail working prisoner processing the day he arrived, and the Overseer was assigned to watch him!
>The hyumin!
>Are they in league?! This is terrible!
>Before you can step in and take control of the situation, they shake hooves- er, claws?
>And Alexei suddenly hits the back of the hyumin's claw!
>That's so mean! Oooooooh, that griffon's going to get it so bad when you get your hooves on him!
>The hyumin doesn't even look mad, though
>He's... laughing?
>Alexei looks peeved
>The hyumins raises his own claw up and-
>WHACK
>"AAAAARRRRGGHHHH!!"
>The sound and following scream resound over the courtyard
>The griffons blocking the way turn to look, startled by the volume
>You're stunned
>You've handled black suits before
>Alexei's one of the toughest
>But he just screamed like a little filly!
>What's going on?!

>You are once again Anonymous
>And you're having a hard time holding all this schadenfreude
>Alexei tried to use his claws to make his strike hurt more, but they didn't even break your skin
>And your hit fucking ruined him
>He's already shaking
>Shivering, he stares up at you in disbelief
>"How? How can this be?!"
>You laugh
"Come on, man! I thought you already knew I was strong. Is that all you got?"
>The griffon makes an attempt to glare
>It comes out as a squint
>"No! I... I won't yield yet!"
>Good
>This isn't nearly enough
"Take your next shot, then. But remember, your punishment begins the moment you yield."
>Alexei seems to shrink
>"What is my punishment...?"
"You'll find out soon enough. Because there's no way you're going to win this."
>”W-We’ll see!”
>We sure will

>Alexei winds up
>Swings
>And does fuck all to you
>You wind up
>Swing
>And a fresh scream rends the air
>This goes on for about 10 minutes
>You aren't even trying to hold back, because fuck this guy
>Fuck this guy and the foreleg he walked in on
>All that's keeping him going at this point is his ego and fear of what you're going to do to him when he admits defeat
>Mostly the fear, you think
>You cock back and unleash another devastating slap on the back of his claw
>He's barely keeping himself from crying, and you're determined to break that dam

>You are Cookies n' Cream
>And you're a mixture of fascinated, disturbed, and slightly aroused
>The hyumin's been unleashing horrifying strikes on the back of the griffon's claw, while seemingly feeling no pain himself!
>How does the Overseer even control an inmate who's /that/ strong?
>Why aren't you trying to break this up?!
>Deep down, you know the answer to the second question
>You're scared
>You, the other guards, and all the other inmates are scared
>You've never been scared of an inmate before!
>Sure, Twitch creeps you out, but that's just because he's weird!
>This
>This is full-on terror
>Terror that you'll be next if you try and interfere
>But at the same time, it's... kind of cool...
>...
>Maybe you can watch just a little longer
>Nobody liked that griffon anyway

>Back to being the avenging human
>It's nearly over
>He's bound to crack soon
>He's not even standing anymore
>Every fresh hit sends him crumpling to the ground, and he has to drag himself back up to take his swings
>Swings that feel more and more like a cat batting at your hand
>Your arm comes up to swing again-
>"No more..."
>Ah ha
"What was that? Can't hear you."
>"Please, no more! I yield! Do what you will to me, just stop hitting my claw! It hurts so bad-ha-haaaaad..."
>Yeeeeesssss
>Here are the tears
>Delicious
"Alright. Let your punishment begin, then."
>You pick the weeping griffon up off the ground and sling him over your shoulder

"LISTEN UP!"
>You address your stunned crowd of observers
"A lot of you probably don't understand what's going on. I'll tell you."
>You turn around, facing them
"This griffon right here made the serious mistake of getting into a scrap with one of my friends. That friend is Brass Badge. I'm sure you all know him. I've got a lot of other friends too."
>You list off Caring Touch, Warden Sharp, and the members of the weights and cooking clubs
"Remember those names. Whoever messes with any of them... Gets this."
>You turn around, walk to the fence surrounding the black-suit enclosure, and start climbing
>Not much of a climb, really. It's not much taller than you are
>"What are you doing?!"
>Alexei starts thrashing
"Oh, nothing. Just putting you back where you belong."
>You reach the top, balancing carefully with one foot on the top rail and another wedged into the chain link
>You hurl the griffon down onto the ground on the other side, then scream down at him
"OOOOOHHHHH YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH, BROTHER! I'M THE CREAM OF THE CROP, TOO HOT TO HANDLE AND TOO COLD TO HOLD! THE TOWER OF POWER, TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR, AND I. HATE. YOUR. GUTS!"
>You leap from the top of the fence, one elbow extended
>Alexei shrieks, trying to get up an out from under you
>Too late
>With an impact worthy of the Macho Man himself, your elbow slams into the hapless griffon
>Plumage explodes everywhere
>Gasps of horror sound from the other side of the fence
>You slowly stand up and survey your work
>Alexei's out cold on the ground, missing half the feathers from his torso
>You pick a couple up, and pocket them
>Dusting yourself off, you turn around towards the fence and climb back over
>Absolute silence reigns as you hop down
>The bell signaling the end of recess rings
>You walk back towards the door, pausing only once to turn and face the awestruck prison population
"See you all at dinner."
>You head back inside and start walking to the infirmary to check on your pal
>He's probably okay, though

>You make your way down the halls to the infirmary, and round the corner just in time for a panicked Caring Touch to crash into your legs
>"Anon?! Oh thank goodness! Warden said you were being harassed by a black suit! I was so worried!"
>You chuckle
"It wasn't an issue. We settled things."
>"Well, I'm glad you're okay!"
"How's Brass doing?"
>"He's got some nasty scratches. I got them all cleaned up though! We just have to wait until the stun spell wears off."
"Can't Warden take it off?"
>Caring looks down sadly
>"No, unfortunately. Stun spells don't work in a reversible manner."
>No sad nurses allowed in your presence
>You reach down and give Caring a quick scratch behind the ears
"It''s alright. You want to play a game while we wait?"
>She smiles at that
>"You bet! I'll go grab something! Meet you there!"
>She rushes off
>Chuckling, you continue to the infirmary

>For the first time in a while, you are Warden Sharp
>And you feel like the biggest idiot ever
>You hit poor Brass with your stun spell!
>After he worked so hard to distract Alexei!
>It was an accident of course, but you just feel like the silliest pony!
>Of course Alexei would dodge!
>Sigh...
>You sit next to your Overseer's bed in the infirmary, a couple other guards with you
>Padlock speaks up
>"Ma'am, we still don't have any word from the yard about the situation. I think we'd better contact the Solar Guard."
"Huh?"
>"The black suit, ma'am. Alexei could have escaped by now. We need to get an alert out."
"Oh, of course. Can I leave it up to you, Padlock?"
>"Certainly, ma'am."
>He turns to leave, when the door opens
>Oh!
>It's Anon!
"Anon! Nurse Touch just ran out looking for you!"
>"I know, she's just grabbing a game to play while we wait for Brass to get over the spell. And don't worry about Alexei. He's been dealt with."
>Padlock interrupts
>"The griffon's been contained? That's great!"
>"Yeah. I, uh, think they might need some help getting him back to his cell. Maybe you guys should check."

>Padlock nods, motioning to the other guards
>"Let's go!"
>They rush out of the room
>Anon pulls up a seat next to you
"...Anon?"
>"Hm?"
"According to Brass, you were the one being targeted by Alexei. Did you get into another fight?"
>The human suddenly can't make eye contact with you
>"...If I say yes, does it mean that I can't go on the Canterlot trip?"
>You sigh again
"Anon, it's alright. Just tell me what happened."
>The human hesitates, then begins
>By the end, you're rubbing your temple with a hoof
"Anonymous."
>"...yeah...?"
"What were you thinking?! Alexei certainly isn't the kindest one in this prison by any means, but what you did reaches into the realm of cruelty, not just punishment! I was so proud of your behavior these past few days! Why would you ever think that was okay? Is this who you really are?"
>"Wha-?! No! I just- I mean- He was beating on Brass! I couldn't just let that slide! He's my friend!"
"I'm the one who hit Brass with the spell, are you going to hit me too?"
>"No! That was a freak accident, and you're my friend too, Warden! The first I made here!"
>Your heart warms at that
>"I just-"
>Anon sighs
>"I just get a little out of control when I'm angry. I'm sorry."
>You stand on your chair and hug your alien prisoner
"Anon. Brass has sent me daily reports about you. You're a sweet boy. But all of the other prisoners and staff don't know that. Aside from your club friends, the only thing they saw was the big, scary alien that beat up a black-suit prisoner."
>The human doesn't respond, but returns your hug
>You continue
"I'm proud that you've made friends. I'm proud that you treasure them so much. But you need to consider how your actions reflect on yourself. Okay?"
>"...Okay."
"And you need to apologize to Alexei at some point."
>"Awww, what?"
"Ah-ah-ah! No complaints! And you need to work on your self-control. I understand that emotions can get the best of us sometimes, but honestly, that was just ridiculous!"
>"Fine, /mom/."

"That's another thing! What would your parents think?"
>He considers that for a moment
>"Dad would laugh until he couldn't breathe. Mom would laugh too. But she'd probably say all the same stuff you did."
>What kind of parents did he have?!
>At least his mother has some sense!
"Just be a little more mindful from now on, alright?"
>"You got it. Can I still go to Canterlot?"
"If you can behave yourself until the day of the trip, then yes."
>"Nice! Thanks Warden.”
>He gives you a squeeze
>This human…
>If he wasn’t so polite you’d have thrown him in timeout!
>The door opens behind you as you break the hug
>"Anon! I brought a bunch! Which one do you want to play?"
>Nurse Touch comes in, carrying a stack of board games
>Anon gets up, walking over to her
>"Let's see what you've got!”
“What’s all this, Anon?”
>He looks back at you and answers
>”Caring and I played some board games while I was stuck in here, so I figured we could do the same while we wait for your spell to wear off. Do you want to join us?”
>Ooooh, board games! What fun!
“Absolutely!”

>Be Anon some time later
>You and Caring are currently getting your asses kicked at parcheesi by Warden
>You're getting ready to roll the dice when a gruff voice speaks up from the bed
>"Just give up, Anon. I've never seen Warden lose at parcheesi."
>Brass!
>Dropping the dice, you move to the side of the bed, with Warden close behind you
"Hey man, you okay? Can you move?"
>Brass sits up in bed, back braced against the pillow
>"Yeah. The scratches sting, but I'll be fine."
>Warden hangs her head sorrowfully
>"I'm so sorry, Brass. I should have-"
>He holds up a hoof
>"Ma'am, it's not your fault. Standing directly behind him while you cast the spell was a rookie mistake on my part."
>Brass chuckles bitterly
>"Maybe I'm going soft."
"Dude, you were /shaming/ that griffon. You would have taken him down yourself if you hadn't gotten stunned."
>Brass looks down at his hooves
>"I dunno..."

"Brass, come on! It took three guards just to hold him down, and you were out there by yourself putting him in his place. You're one tough pony."
>Brass considers that for a moment, then smiles.
>"...yeah. Yeah! I still got it!"
>Speech check passed
>Bro's self-confidence restored
>Brass looks back to you
>"I overheard you telling Warden what happened! Wish I could've seen it!"
>You laugh
"I'd have filmed it if I could. Consider your honor avenged."
>Brass laughs
>Warden gives you a look, but you can see a faint smile
>Caring approaches the bed on the opposite side
>"Sir, can you get out of the bed? I'd like to check your mobility."
>C'mon, it's literally just a scratch
>Brass gets out of bed, and after walking a couple laps around the room, is deemed healthy
>Caring speaks before you leave
>"Don't forget your physical in the morning, Anon! Come at 6:30!"
>Damn, you hate getting up early
>Aw well
>You said you'd do it
"I'll be there. See you in the morning, Caring."
>A quick scratch on the ears, and you leave a happy nurse behind as your group of three leaves the infirmary
"What now? How long until dinner?"
>Warden answers
>"Dinner shouldn't be for a while yet, I'd say about an hour and a half. I have to file a report about this incident. You two boys stay out of trouble, I've had enough worry today!"
>Warden gives you a pat on the leg, and hugs Brass briefly before heading off
>As you and your chaperone wander the halls, you ask a question
"How long have you known Warden?"
>"I knew her even before I started working here, actually. We went to school together."
>As you and Brass talk, you notice something
>Any other inmates in the hall immediately hug the wall as you go by, refusing to even make eye contact with you
>...Shit
>Warden wasn't kidding
>What's dinner going to be like? Will the weights club even want to sit with you?
>No use worrying about it, you guess
>Brass halts you in front of a door
>"Just a sec. I want to grab something."

>The door's labeled "Guard Lounge"
>Brass opens it, and you catch a glimpse of a few guards hanging out within
>They all freeze at the sight of you
>All except one
>A mare wearing a ponytail looks hyped
>She keeps looking between you and Brass, as if trying to decide something
>Brass comes back
>He's got...
>Is that a six pack?
>Ponies have alcohol?!
>bisonyes.mpeg
>It's got two bottles missing, but you can't even care
>It's booze!
>Balancing the goods on his back, Brass speaks
>"Let's go hang out in your room. The guards are a little jittery, but I'll talk to them later."
>As the two of you start walking, the mare explodes out into the hallway
>"CanIcomehangoutwithyouplease?!"
>Wut
>Brass turns around, looking just as confused as you
>"Guardsmare Cream?"
>She fidgets in place, suddenly very interested in the floor
>"I, uh... Can I come hang out with you and the prisoner, Overseer?"
>Brass arches an eyebrow, then looks at you questioningly
>You shrug
>"Well... I don't see why not. Come along, Cookies."
>"YES!"
>She jumps into the air, pumping a hoof
>Cookies... and Cream?
>Is her name seriously Cookies and Cream?
>The grinning mare walks up to you, offering a hoof
>"Hi! I'm Cookies n' Cream. I saw you out in the yard when you taught that meanie Alexei a lesson! It was really cool!"
>Well shit, your stunt actually earned you a fan!
>But seriously, that name's too damn cute for a prison guard
>The pony herself is too damn cute, too
>She's right up there with Caring
"Hi, Cookies. My name's Anonymous, but you can call me Anon."

>You are Cookies n' Cream
>And you're so excited, you just can't hide it!
>The other guards are scared of him, but you aren't!
>He's being really nice so far
>He even let you call him by a nickname right after you met him!
>Plus, Overseer Badge is really cool too. And they're both really tough. If you hang out with them, maybe you can figure out how to be that tough!
>You happily follow after your two new role models

>You're Anonymous, notorious prison inmate and false god extraordinaire
>You open and hold the door to your cell, and Brass and Cookies head inside
>You can't hold your excitement anymore
>We gon drank
"So, what's in the bottles, Brass?"
>Cookies looks at the bottles dubiously
>"Isn't that your stash of carrot juice, Overseer?"
>Wait, what?
>"Heheheheh. Guardsmare Cream, what you're about to hear doesn't leave this room. I changed the labels. It's actually cider."
>Hard cider, huh? Better than nothing
>Cookies' eyes widen
>"B-But sir! That's against code of conduct!"
>Brass looks like he mildly regrets the decision to let her come
>"Cookies, it's alright. I usually don't drink very often, but today's been a rough day."
>She thinks for a bit, then relents
>"Fair enough, boss."
>Brass pulls out two of the bottles, but then groans
>"Nuts, forgot my bottle opener."
>College student skills engage
"I got you, man. Let me see."
>You grab the two bottles of fermented goodness, holding one upside-down
>Setting the other firmly against the table, you wedge the caps together, and pull
>Clink!
>The cap falls off onto the table
>Brass is impressed
>"That's a neat trick, Anon! Can you show me how?"
"Sure. Just hold them like this, and try to use the cap of the other bottle to pop open the one you want to drink."
>You pass him another two bottles
>After a couple tries, he gets it
>"Nice!"
>Cookies enthusiastically chimes in
>"Can I try?"
>You pass the two remaining bottles to her
>What she lacks in technique she makes up for in enthusiasm
>After watching six or so failed attempts, you chuckle
"Here, I'll get it."
>Her ears flop down dejectedly
>Aw
>She offers the bottles back to you
>You crack the third bottle open and pass it back
>It's time
>You grab your own bottle and take an experimental sip
>...
>...
>...
>It's...
>Normal apple cider...
>There's a sour tang to it, hinting at light fermentation, but you'd have to drink a lake's worth to get sloshed
>Goddammit...

>"How is it, Anon?"
>Brass snaps you out of your disappointment
"It's, uh... It's pretty good, man. Kinda light for my tastes, but good."
>He looks like he was expecting that answer, but Cookies is startled
>"R-Really? Tastes pretty heavy to me..."
>"Anon's pretty unique, Cookies. Don't worry about it."
>She looks back at you with awe
>"Where are you from?"
>Q&A time with your newest fan
>You finish your bottle as you answer her questions, and eventually the conversation drifts away from you
>You're secretly grateful for that
>Cookie's questions were getting a little odd
>"What do you eat?"
>"How long did you train to get that strong?"
>"What would somepony have to do to make you cry?"
>"Is that move you used on Alexei something you can teach?"
>Seems like the little guard wants to be a badass
>Cool
>You probably shouldn't teach her anything though
>If the inmates in the hall were anything to go by, you're officially the Hannibal Lector of this prison now
>You'd rather not turn her into one of those guards who goes around brutalizing prisoners
>Brass finishes off the last bottle of cider as he pipes up
>"Alright, it's getting pretty close to dinnertime. We should go."
>As the three of you leave your room, Cookies heads off back towards the lounge
>"Thanks for letting me hang out with you! Can I come along again sometime?"
>Like you'd say no
"Sure. It was nice to meet you, Cookies."
>She smiles back at you
>"It was nice to meet you to, Anon! See you later!"

>You are Cookies n' Cream
>Human friendship acquired!
>He was nice the whole time, even!
>How can someone who can beat a up a black suit like he did be so approachable?
>It's weird
>But you like it
>You'll definitely convince him to teach other cool stuff like that bottle-opening trick!
>Even though you didn't really do it
>And you learned something from the Overseer too!
>Drinking on the job is how tough guards deal with stress!
>Noted!
>You happily trot back to the break room

>Back to being Anon
>You and Brass make your way to the cafeteria, chatting all the way
"She was pretty nice."
>"Yeah, Cookies is a nice mare. She's a bit obsessed with being "a tough guard," but she's definitely likable."
>You laugh a bit
"Yeah, her questions kind of gave that away."
>Brass looks at you
>"You're not actually going to teach her anything like whatever you used on Alexei, right?"
"Don't worry. She won't be elbow dropping anybody."
>"Good. I don't mean any disrespect, but I'd rather not have any of my guards running around using elder god battle techniques."
>You tease him a little
"Why not Brass? Want me to teach them all to you instead?"
>"Can you?"
>You stop in your tracks
>Brass is staring at you, a glimmer in his eye
"Seriously?"
>"I mean, if you think it's okay. I know what you said earlier about me holding my own against Alexei, but... I..."
>He trails off, as if suddenly remembering something
>"...Nevermind, Anon. I was just thinking out loud."
"You sure? If you change your mind, I'd be happy to show you some stuff, man."
>It'll be all WWE moves and other impractical shit like that, but still
>"I'm sure. Thank you though."
>You arrive at the cafeteria doors
>You hesitate
>You normally get a pretty hushed reception every time you enter, but...
>What will it be like now?
>Brass pats you on the leg encouragingly
>You take a breath, open the door, and walk in
>Voices fill your ears, along with the clatter of plastic tableware against plastic trays
>It all falls silent in an instant
>They're staring at you
>Every last one of them
>It's like your first day here, only worse
>They're not even whispering to each other
>You awkwardly stand still for a moment
>Brass nudges you onward, and you walk over to the food line
>All the inmates in line quickly scramble out of it
>Fuck
>This isn't what you wanted!
>You're not a psychopath, you were just teaching a bully a lesson!
>But you're the bully to them now
>You hide your bitterness as best you can

>You make it through the line and to the nearest empty table
>You didn't have to go far
>The moment you emerged from the line, inmates abandoned the tables in your path
>You keep your head down, channeling your frustration into your appetite
>You don't have to look at any of them this way either
>Warden was right
>Brass sits down next to you
>You feel a hoof pat your shoulder softly, and you hear him start eating too
>Fuck, man
>What the hell?
>You sit stone-faced, stewing in anger, when the cafeteria doors fly open and voices shout your name
>"Anon!"
>Sand Stone streaks across the room to you
>"Seriously guy, you can't just spring something like that on us! You should've given us some heads up if you were going to organize a gang!"
>...wait, she's not scared?
>And what's this about-
>"That was THE awesomest way to announce it, though! Listing off the members and then flattening a black suit, all in front of the entire prison?! Too cool! Is that why you kept it a secret? To maximize the effect?"
"Uh..."
>The Steel siblings reach you, the rest close behind
>They've all got some kind of fabric wrapped around one of their limbs
>Steel Eye speaks first
>"We'd honestly been thinking about this for a while, but with you here there's no better time! The weights club was pretty much a gang already. Now we've got a leader!"
>Steel Eye eagerly chimes in
>"With you in charge, there's no way anybody would mess with us!"
>Magnolia beams as she offers you a square of fabric
>"Here!"
>You take it, still a little dazed
>It's got the likeness of a human hand clutching a dumbbell on it
>It's not half bad!
"Did you guys make these? How?"
>Other club members start talking all at once
>"One of the cooking guys was in the arts club too! He helped!"
>"Most of the griffons who were under Alexei want to join too, is that okay?"
>"This is gonna be so great! The strongest prisoners plus the ones who make the tastiest food!"
>You can't help but grin

"Guys, guys, chill out. Let's all sit down and eat, and then we'll talk business."
>A shout of approval goes through the group, and they rush over to the now-empty food line
>While they're doing that, you tie your new gang colors around your right arm, over your bicep
>Fuck yeah, we thug now
>You look over at Brass, who looks like he isn't sure whether to be happy for you or very, very concerned
>"Well, that's good, right Anon? You've still got all your other friends!"
"You were on that list too, bud. What are the odds they made you one?"
>"I'm head of the guards, Anon. I can't."
"I know, I know. Oh! Do you think they even made on for Warden and Caring? I can't wait to see their faces!"
>That gets a chuckle out of him
>Everyone comes back, pushing tables together until your group can all sit together
>As if on cue, a group of griffons approaches from elsewhere in the cafeteria
>Viktor, the one who gave you Alexei's note, leads them
>"Anon. I know we didn't make a good first impression, but griffons respect strength above all else. If you'd take us, we'd love to join."
>You nod
"It's all water under the bridge, Vik. I'd be happy to have you. The only condition I have..."
>Their gulps are audible
"...Is you have to join either the weights or the cooking club to get in."
>Relieved sighs all around
>The griffons move their own table over
>This isn't a gang, it's a fucking mob!
>And your mood couldn't be any better
>Lunch flies by, with you fielding questions from your new underlings
>Dinner ends, and everyone heads back to their cells, you included
>You have a couple extra bandannas, since Brass refused his and you said you'd offer one to Warden and Caring
>You already know what Warden will say, but you bet Caring will join, at least secretly
>The smile on your face remains as you walk down the hallway, humming under your breath
>"So..."
>Brass speaks up
>"What time is your /guest/ getting here?"

>Ah, that's right
>The sisters are coming tonight, but Brass only knows about Celestia
"She said she's be here after sunset. We've still got a bit of time to waste."
>Brass nods
>"You want some cider for when she gets here?"
"You have more?"
>"Yeah. I've got another six pack stashed away in my office, but I figure I can make a sacrifice for a friend."
>This fucking pony
"That would be awesome, bro. I'll buy you a rack when I get out of prison!"
>Brass tilts his head
>"A rack?"
"You know, a rack of booze. Do they only sell cider in six packs?"
>"No, you can get barrels too, but-"
"Then I'm buying you a barrel, Brass. You've been nothing but a friend."
>Brass grins
>"Same goes for you, you know. You're awfully nice for a higher being."
>If you only knew, little bud
>You both swing by his office, and he hands over the goods
>"I'll come get you from the nursing office tomorrow morning after your physical."
"Alright. Goodnight, Brass. Thanks again."
>"Goodnight, Anon. Have fun."
>Him and his suggestive eyebrow wiggles
>You make your way back to your cell, set the cider on the table, and sit down on your bed
>Nothing to do now but wait

>You are Confident Vigilance, the Solar Guard!
>It's nearly time for Princess Celestia to lower the sun
>It's one of the most awe-inspiring things you've ever seen, and you're always excited when you get to be present for it
>Her Majesty looks particularly beautiful tonight!
>Did she get her mane done?
>Lovely!
>The sight of her in the fading light of dusk, filtering through the throne room windows, never fails to take your breath away
>But today is even more breathtaking-y!
>She rises from her throne, addressing all present
>"I feel a little weary, my little ponies. I think I shall retire to my chambers."
>Oh!
>What a shame
>But it is not your place to question!
>You and three of your comrades fall into formation around the princess, escorting her back to her room
>As she opens the door, she speaks to you

>Guard, I would prefer to not be disturbed tonight."
"Of course, Your Highness! Rest well!"
>The princess smiles, and shuts the door
>You eagerly take up your station beside her door
>Nopony's getting by you!
>In your excitement, you miss the faint sound of teleportation from within the princess' room

>You're a slightly nervous human, so you're Anon
>The more you think about it, the more you worry about what Discord might have told Luna
>What if he's setting you up to fail? What if he gave her some exaggerated idea of your abilities, and now she wants a demonstration?
>And what about Celestia? That letter made it pretty clear she's still crazy about you
>Will it be okay having the two of them in the same room?
>Luna didn't seem opposed when you told her
>But Celestia doesn't know her sister's invited
>Does she?
>You flop down on your bed and close your eyes
>There's no point working yourself up
>Whatever happens, happens
>You'd just /really/ rather you not fuck this up
>After some deeps breaths, you feel a little better
>You're about to get up and crack open that pack of cider when a bright flash of sunlight lights up your room
>A white shape rockets out of it, pinning you back onto the bed
>"Anonymous, how I've missed you!"
>A giggling sun princess nuzzles all over your face, her perfume washing over you
>Her hair's all done up too, like the last time she was here
>She's positively radiant
>Fancy god speech engage
"Hello, Celestia. It's good to see you too."
>She settles into your bed next to you, squeezing as close as she can, bedroom eyes coming on full force
>"Have you been treated well? I should hope my ponies haven't been too rambunctious."
>You chuckle at that
"Your ponies have been very kind. Griffons, on the other hand..."
>"Oh dear... I must apologize. They are a very prideful sort."
"So I gathered. No matter, though. I settled it myself."
>"What happened?"
>You tell her the story, interested to see her reaction

>"My, my... I rather wish I had witnessed your might..."
>Welp, didn't quite get the reaction you expected
>She's rubbing a hoof on your chest, her nose lightly touching yours, eyes set to sultry
>"Alexei Blackbeak was a thorn in my side, and perhaps the only griffon noble in memory to be so arrogant as to insult Luna to her face. It's a wonder he got off with only prison time. Luna wanted him pillowed into unconsciousness."
>...Is that a thing they can actually do? Knock someone out with pillows?
>Unsure if badass or just plain silly
>Celestia goes back to nuzzling your face
>"She will be very pleased."
>"Indeed I am."
>Celestia jumps
>A shadow warps and morphs, taking shape into your favorite lunar princess
>There she is, in all her glory
>Her face lights up as she makes eye contact with you
>"...Anon. To finally see you in the waking world gives me great joy."
>You pat the other side of the bed next to you
"Come here."
>She doesn't need telling twice
>She bounds over in a single catlike leap, landing neatly next to you
>She settles into you and you wrap an arm around her, as she addresses her sister
>"Celestia. I see you've made yourself comfortable."
>"Luna! I, ah, didn't know you had plans to visit... Shouldn't you be-?"
>"The moon has been moved into its nightly trajectory, my aides have their tasks, and my guards believe I am in my chambers. You shall have to make do with my presence."
>Celestia sighs
>"I see..."
>She looks like she's about to get up, so you wrap an arm around her too
>"A-Anon?"
"Where are you going?"
>"I thought to distance myself-"
>"I am not open to a mutual courtship, but I am not above allowing you to be held, sister."
>Celestia incredulously stares at her sister for a moment, then slowly turns back to you
>"Well then... If you'll oblige me..."
>She sinks back down into you, scrunching her muzzle into your neck
>You chuckle
>Luna does too
>"Needy, isn't she?"
"Indeed. Like another princess I know."
>You give her a squeeze

>Luna opts to rest her head next to yours, sighing in contentment
>Minutes pass
>A lot of them
>You'd honestly have been content to just lay like this all night, but Celestia quietly questions you, her muzzle still firmly pressed against you
>"What did you want to discuss, Anon?"
>Luna perks up slightly at that
>"Does something trouble you?"
"Someone. Discord's been bothering me."
>You can almost feel Celestia's internal facepalm
>Er, facehoof?
>Whatever
>"Another apology is in order... That draconequus is beyond even my control. I'll have to tell Fluttershy."
>Is that what he is?
>A draconequus?
>And who's Fluttershy?
"Who is this Fluttershy?"
>Luna answers
>"One of the Elements of Harmony, Kindness. She is perhaps the only pony to ever hold any sway over Discord and his insanity."
>She leans her muzzle nearer to your ear
>"Speaking of him, you wished to know what he told me of you, yes?"
>You were a bit loath to bring it up, but yeah
"Indeed I am. We only spoke once, but he was rather..."
>Sketchy?
>Off-putting?
>Dubious?
>Luna seems happy to be dangling knowledge over you instead of the other way around, smiling mischievously
>"Perhaps I'll tell you after we've snuggled some more. Or perhaps I won't...?"
>You touch your nose to hers, rubbing gently
>She returns the gesture, the mischief in her smile fading into contentment
>...it doesn't seem that what she heard was anything bad
>It's be a little weird if you got hung up over it, anyways
>She'll tell you when she feels like it
>Just cuddle your princesses, Anon
>You adjust your arms to get a better wrap on the two of them
>Luna notices your new arm band
>"What is that, Anon?"
>Celestia manages to pry herself away from you to look too
"A little gift from prisoners who admire me. They've formed a group under my leadership after the incident with Alexei."
>Luna laughs at that
>"It's heartening to know that they recognize power, at least."
>Celestia softly chuckles too, returning her muzzle to your neck

>The conversation lulls once again, and you feel like a weight has been removed from you
>All that worry over nothing!
>You've also made your decision
>You're going to stay
>Leave these two pretty pony princesses alone for the rest of eternity?
>Naw, nigga
>You ain't about breaking hearts
>You'll be ready for Discord when he comes back for his answer
>Luna speaks
>"What about him concerns you? Discord, I mean."
"He... Sought my help in something. He's under the impression that there is some grave danger looming."
>/That/ gets their attention
>Both sisters partially sit up, looking at each other
>"Whatever could he mean? Have you felt anything, Celestia?"
>"I have not. Twilight's not written to me with any issues either."
>Luna snorts
>"Perhaps he's finally begun to snap."
>Celestia sighs
>"He was never un-snapped to begin with..."
>Huh
>If the sisters don't know anything...
>Do they even know about the orb?
>Maybe it's all fake, and he's trying to con you into killing someone else?
>You'll have a whole lot of questions for him when he comes back, and even less faith
>For now...
>You think you'll test the efficacy of your Caring Touch-approved ear scratches on princesses
>You reach your hands up, sink your fingers into their manes, and-
>"Anon, what- Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh..."
>"This... This is... Mmmmmm..."
>Celestia's head comes down to rest on your chest, and Luna's plops down on the pillows next to yours
>Aw yeah
>You got the touch
>You keep your two bedmates in scratch-induced bliss for a while, eventually just wrapping your arms back around them
>Both are breathing rather heavily, one of Celestia's eyes opening and gazing longingly into yours
>"Anon... Anonymous... Say you'll stay..."
>Luna whispers into your ear
>"Stay with us... We tire of our loneliness..."
>You answer them just as quietly
"I'll stay. I promise."
>Celestia's eye widens, and you feel Luna happily kiss your cheek
>"Joyous occasion!"
>Celestia leans up and gives you a quick peck too

>You chuckle, turning to kiss Luna back
>You consider giving Celestia one too, but you remember what Luna said when she arrived
>You settle for giving Celestia another scratching of the ears
>She happily accepts, cooing and nuzzling your neck
>Luna's a little more animated
>"There's not a moment to lose! I shall speak to the warden of this prison and have you released immediately. You can live with us in the castle! In my room!"
>Celestia grumbles at that
>"No fair..."
>"Ah, yes, you and your fixation on fairness. Unfortunately, dear sister, I feel about as much sympathy as I did the last time you attempted to play that card."
"Oi. Be nice to your sister."
>Your other hand finds its way back to Luna's ears, and the argument is stopped before it starts
"Also, can you give me until the end of this week?"
>"Whatever for, Anon?"
"I'd just like to say my goodbyes. I've made a lot of friends here."
>Luna pouts
>"Must you? You can just return and visit."
"Oh, don't be like that. It's just three days."
>It's Luna's turn to grumble, while Celestia softly laughs
>"I'm afraid little sister still has a hard time with the finer points of friendship. Of course you can, Anon. We can wait three more days."
>The moon princess still seems a little reluctant
>"But..."
"I know. I've been leading you on for a while, and I'm sorry for that. Now that I've made up my mind I'm excited to living be with you too. But three more days. Okay?"
>Luna just looks at you for a moment, then her face softens
>"Okay."
>She sinks back down into your embrace
"So, one of those aforementioned friends managed to get us some cider..."
>You jerk your head over your table, where Brass' donation still rested
>Luna happily levitates it over
>"A toast, then!"
>Your happy little trio sits up as three bottles are removed and opened in a blue aura
>"My, my. Contraband, Inmate Anonymous? I'm afraid there'll be no pardon for you after all. Only a transfer to the castle."
>Celestia teasingly prods your chest

>Luna joins in, resting her chin on your shoulder
>"Indeed. Such an incorrigible criminal must be kept under close watch. I volunteer to handle it personally."
>Celestia leans against you
>"With my assistance, of course."
>"Perhaps, Celestia. Perhaps."
>You grab your bottle out of the air, the magic aura wavering and vanishing as you seize it
"To crime and punishment!"
>The sisters laugh, and echo you as the bottles clink together
>The six pack of cider gets killed pretty quickly
>You have two happy, slightly buzzed princesses clinging to you as you lean against the wall
>You're pretty happy yourself
>Happier than you've been in a long time
"Are you two going to stay the night?"
>"Oh! Can we!?"
>Luna's excited
>Celestia looks at you hopefully
"As if I could refuse those faces."
>You are once again pinned to the bed, this time by two princesses instead of one
>The blanket teleports out from under you in a flash, and it lays itself down over you and your bedmates
>The lights in the room go out a moment later
>"Mmmm..."
>Celestia hums contentedly as she snuggles up against you, and you feel Luna's mane on your cheek as she rests her head up next to yours
>The sun princess rubs a hoof on your chest, whispering quietly
>"What will you do tomorrow?"
"I've got a physical in the morning, but that's the only thing set in stone. I suppose I'll just let everyone know I won't be in prison much longer."
>Celestia's hoof stops for the briefest of moments when you mention the physical
>Your weariness bars you from noticing though
>"I... see... It would indeed be a good thing to understand more about your body..."
>You feel her return her muzzle to the side of you neck
>She really likes that spot for some reason
>Maybe you smell nice
>You fucking hope so
>Time goes by, and you feel yourself drifting off
"Goodnight, Celestia. See you soon, Luna."
>Celestia quietly mumbles back a "goodnight", and you hear Luna whisper in your other ear
>"Indeed you will, sweet Anon."

>...
>You open your eyes
>Yup, back in your apartment
>You hear a happy giggle, and Luna materializes under the covers next to you
>"We've all night, Anon. What shall we do?"
"Whatever you want."
>Luna wraps her hooves around you as she thinks
>"...I can't think of anything..."
>You chuckle, returning her embrace as you tease her
"We can do literally anything in my dreams, and you can't think of something you want to do?"
>"I'm already doing it."
>Aww
>This fucking princess
>The two of you just lay there entwined for a while, before she speaks again
>"May I... share something with you?"
"Yeah, of course."
>She closes her eyes for a moment, and your apartment falls away
>"There is something you must know about me, Anon."
>Oh
>Is this about-?
>"I... did something incredibly foolish just over a millennium ago."
>The scenery around you reforms into...
>Holy shit, this must be the surface of their moon
>Nothing but white rock and dust stretch into the distance
>A green and blue planet, reminiscent of Earth, looms large over the horizon
>Luna moves away from you, sitting on the ground and staring up at it
>"I... I rebelled against my sister."
"I know."
>Her head whips back around to face you
>"Y-You do? How?"
"I borrowed an encyclopedia from the prison library. I read about what happened."
>"I see..."
>She looks down, suddenly afraid to look at you
>"And... What do you...?"
>You get up and sit down in front of her, pulling her into her usual spot on your lap
"Luna. It was over a thousand years ago. From what I've seen, everyone's forgiven you, and your sister is happy you're back. Why would you think I'd be any different?"
>She mumbles
>"I feared... I feared you would reject me."
"Luna. I'm not perfect. I do stupid things when I'm angry all the time. I literally beat the feathers off of Alexei today because he hurt one of my friends."
>Luna looks at you incredulously
>"Truly? His feathers?"
"Truly."
>She laughs
>"Ah, sweet justice! Alexei was a brute."

"I'm glad you approve. A lot of others didn't."
>She leans back into you
>"I have a little more appreciation for corporal punishment than most ponies. I can also easily imagine how frightening it must have been to witness your wrath, if what you do in your dreams is anything to go by."
"Well... I get a lot of personal space in the hallway now."
>Luna giggles, and the two of you lapse into a comfortable silence
>You begin stroking her neck as you look around at the stars
"This is nice."
>"Yes... I still have something of a phobia of being alone on the surface of my moon. But your being here makes it enjoyable, Anon."
>A thousand years in isolation could do that, you guess
>You hold your moon princess close, taking hold of one of her front hooves
>The rest of the dream is spent cuddling under the stars, until the inevitable tremors begin
>"What? Already?"
"It's alright. We'll do it again tomorrow night. And the one after that. And the one after that."
>Luna smiles
>"Ad infinitum."
>Yep
>After you've had your talk with Discord, at least

>...
>Back in your cell
>Celestia's already out of bed, freshening up in your bathroom
>You pull your phone out of the little bedside drawer
>5 AM?!
>Jesus!
>Blinking blearily, you carefully extricate yourself from Luna as the solar diarch emerges
>Seeing you're awake, she approaches, whispering
>"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
"Yeah, but it's alright. I gotta head over to the nurse's office for that physical, anyway."
>Celestia smiles
>"Well, since you're up... You can watch me raise the sun!"
>Sounds cool!
"Yeah! Let me get clean..."
>You rush through your morning routine, bringing a clean uniform into the bathroom to change into after your shower
>You and Celestia leave a sleeping Luna behind in your cell, and begin walking down the hallway
>She stops you at an east-facing window
>"Watch!"
>Her horn lights up, and for a moment nothing happens
>But then, slowly but surely, you see the sky start to light up
>The sun is peeking over the horizon when Celestia ceases her magic
>The sky is awash with vivid reds and oranges
>"Well~?"
>Celestia looks at you expectantly
"...Wow."
>She smiles
>"Not my best work. But I'm happy you enjoy it."
>The two of you continue down the hall
"I don't mean to rush you, but shouldn't you get back to the castle soon?"
>"Yes, shortly. But I'd like to walk with you to your physical, at least."
"Alright."
>It's not long of a walk anyway
>A few minutes later and you're outside Caring's office, with time to spare
>Celestia nuzzles you
>"Have a wonderful day. Make sure Luna gets back soon."
"You too, Celestia. And I will."
>One radiant smile, and she's gone in a flash of sunlight

>You gently knock on the door
>"Come in!"
>Opening the door and stepping inside reveals a tired-looking yet excited Caring Touch
>"Hi Anon! Take a seat on the bed over there."
"Sure."
>As you sit down, Caring comes over with a cloud of objects floating around her
>A cup of coffee floats down to her lips and she takes a long sip
>"Ready to get started?"
"You bet. Is this just like a normal physical?"
>"Mhm! Although I think you'll recall I'm supposed to be photographing you for the princesses, too. Also..."
>She hesitates
"What?"
>"Well... Anon, don't freak out, but I want to take a blood sample."
>Fug
>You hate needles
>But the power of the cute nurse compels you
"Sure. If it's just a sample, that's fine."
>Caring just stares at you, going a little red in the face
>"Ah. Well then. I'm, uh... I'm glad you're so okay with it. But we'll save it for last. Right now, can I ask you to remove your shirt?"

>You are Caring Touch
>This-!
>It's ridiculous!
>He just submits to a blood draw just like that?!
>That's not right! Normal ponies freak out when bloodwork is involved!
>Who hurt you, Anon?!
>How did you become so desensitized?!
>As your patient removes his shirt, your determination skyrockets
>You WILL get past this facade he's putting up
>You'll heal this poor, sweet hyumin!
>Resolute, you place your stethoscope into your ears and press it against his chest, looking for his heart
>Ah, there it is...
>...
>Hm, about 65 beats per minute
>Rather low, by pony standards
>Would Anon know if that's healthy?
"Anon, do you know what typical resting heart rate is for humans?"
>You get a bemused look in return
>"Sorry, I don't. I can tell you that I'm pretty healthy by human standards, though."
>You nod, shifting slightly to the right
"Alright, now take a deep breath."

>Back to being bipedal and shirtless
>Caring does her nurse stuff to you, and you answer her questions as best as you can
>Some of them are kind of weird
>She keeps asking about your childhood and stuff
>You're getting a little weirded out
"My childhood was pretty normal. Both of my parents were around. I was just a goofy kid doing goofy things. Why?"
>"Oh, just making conversation."
>Fair enough
>"...but Anon, I want you to know, If there's anything bothering you, come talk to me. Okay?"
>This fucking nurse
"I will, Caring. Thanks."
>She beams up at you
>"It's my pleasure to help! Now, open wide and say 'ah.'"
>You get through the rest of the clinical stuff
>Caring holds up a camera in her magic
>"Now, I'd like you to stand up for this. Since you're the first human in Equestria, I'd like to get some pictures of your range of movement."
"Alright. So, what should I do? Pose?"
>You strike a bodybuilder pose, and she giggles
>"Well, sort of. Let's see, first, I'd like you to extend your arms as far upwards as you can..."

>Back to being a young and lonely nurse
>Everything's going well!
>Not that you thought it wouldn't
>Anon's so nice!
>He even took off his pants so you could get his legs!
>He looks so cute in those little heart-patterned short pants he wears underneath
>And mama likes the definition on those legs...
>You may need to take a third set of photographs
>For personal research, of course!
>Late at night
>In your bed
>Your lonely, lonely bed
>You get all the pictures you need (and a few for yourself), sealing some into an envelope to be sent to Her Majesty
>Now
>Time for your least favorite part of being a nurse
>Blood drawing
>"Alright, Anon. Get dressed, and I'll go get ready to take my sample."
>The human nods, picking up his uniform from the floor
>If you remember correctly, his file said he has some kind of resistance to magic...
>You'll have to use physical anesthesia then
>To the drug cabinet!

>You the only one in here wearing clothes that aren't a nurse's cap, so you must be Anon
>You make yourself comfortable on the bed as your nurse returns
>She starts numbing up your arm
>"Don't worry. It won't hurt a bit!"
>They tell you the same lies here as they do back home
>It always hurts
>The needle goes in, and starts drawing, slowly filling with your dark red vital fluid
>Caring's more stressed out than you are
>She keeps rubbing a hoof on your forearm, muttering comforting words as she stares intently at the needle
>Eventually, it fills, and she carefully removes it
>"All done! Thank you so much!"
"No problem. Are we all done?"
>She sticks a bandaid onto your arm as she replies
>"Yep! I can take a look at your blood later."
"Cool. Hey, since we're alone, I got something for you."
>Her eyes widen
>"R-Really? What is it?"
>You grin
>You doubt she'll accept it, but here goes nothing
>You pull out one of the little pony-sized bandanas for your "gang"
"I don't know if you heard, but I kind of have a gang now. Do you wanna join?"
>Her jaw drops, staring at your offering
>"You have a gang?! Why?! You're so docile!"
>...She doesn't know who exactly it was that "contained" Alexei, does she?
"Well... Stuff happened. Basically, I listed off all of my friends in front of the entire prison and said that whoever messes with them would get beat. So, a bunch of my friends interpreted that as me wanting to form a gang, and here we are. You were on that list, so I thought I'd offer you a spot."
>Her whole face lights up
>"Oh, that's so sweet! Of course I'll join, Anon! You're my favorite inmate!"
>She just smiles at you for a second, then squeaks and covers up her mouth
>You chuckle
"And you're my favorite nurse, Caring."
>"I'm the /only/ nurse, you silly human!"
>She hops up onto the bed and wraps you into a hug
>"But I appreciate the thought."
>You give best-and-only nurse a big squeeze
>She hums contentedly as your hand finds her ear and begins scratching

>Be Caring Touch
>Ahhhhhhh
>Perfect
>And now that you're in Anon's gang, maybe it will happen more often!
>You can slowly get closer to him this way, too!
>You'll get through that tough exterior!
>Wait
>...
>What's that scent?
>You surreptitiously bury your nose into Anon's clothes, trying to place the smell
>It's... salt?
>How in the world did he get salt-scented cologne in prison?
>But there's something else, too...
>It smells like mare
>And not just one, either!
>There's TWO different scents here!
"...Anonymous?"
>"...Yeah?"
"Why do you you have two different mares' scents on you?"
>The hand massaging your ear suddenly freezes, and the hyumin goes stock still
>"I...uh..."
>Well
>Looks like your favorite inmate is somepony else's favorite too
>Two other someponies
>Such a lewd hyumin
>Mom always said you should stay away from males like this, but...
>Maybe this is an opportunity...?
"You can talk to me, Anon. Are you cheating on your marefriend?"
>"I- Fuck, it's not-"
"Ah ah! /Language/, inmate. Now... I think you should tell me about your little adventures."
>You can't buck this up
>You /won't/ buck this up!
>This is your in!
>As slowly and sensually as you can muster, you disentangle yourself from his arms and rear up, placing your forehooves on his shoulders and staring into his wide, panicking eyes
"It's okay, Anon. We can even consider this a part of your physical. Tell your nurse about your... mating habits."
>"Wait, Caring, listen to me. This isn't what you think-"
"I fail to see what else it could be."
>"I haven't actually had sex with either of them yet!"
>You raise an eyebrow
"Yet, eh~?"
>He takes on a defiant look
>"Yeah. Yet. And you know what? That smell on me? They were both with me at the same time. They're both well aware of my mare-snuggling habits."
>...Lewd
>That's too lewd!
>Both?! At once?! When?! How?!
>T-This naughty hyumin
>You're going to do it
>Ask, filly! You might never get another chance!
>You lean in close, and use your breathiest voice
"G-Got room for one more then, stud?"
>His face goes blank
>You're just doing your best to keep your face from melting off
>You don't break eye contact as you sit and wait, blushing furiously

>You are Anonymous, notorious prison inmate, supposed elder god beyond the scope of ponies, and apparent ladies' man
>Or would that be mare's man?
>Whatever
>You're just doing your best to not coat this room in spaghetti
>You've just been propositioned by your nurse
>Who's still staring at you expectantly, cheeks glowing red
“Er, I…”
>You see worry and fear creep onto her face
>You force yourself to form a response
>You wouldn’t call it a fetish, but boldness is absolutely something you appreciate in women
>And this mare has some
"I like you, Caring. I really do. But-"
>Before you can get anything else out, you're interrupted by a happy squeal as she wraps her hooves around your neck
>”Oh, Anon, I’m so happy! I’ve liked you ever since I met you!”
>Severe damage sustained to heart
>Your own cheeks are red now
“I… I’m happy to hear that. But I’m going to have to talk to the other two about this, alright? I don’t want to get your hopes up. I’m pretty sure they’re going to say no.”
>Her hype remains undiminished
>”It’ll be fine! I can convince them! I understand why they’d be concerned, but I’m really good at keeping secrets, and I definitely like you just as much as they do! Will you let me talk to them?”
“I think that might be a little too much right off the bat. I’ll talk to them first, and we’ll go from there.”
>”Okay!”
>The elated little pony nurse goes back to clinging to you like a limpet, sighing contentedly
>You let out a short chuckle, bringing your arms back up around her
>Fuck, she’s so sweet
>You were really tempted to just accept her offer
>But you can’t just trample on the sisters’ feelings
>They’re both pretty attached to you
>You’ll ask Luna once you get back to your room
>She’ll probably still be there when you get back since she sleeps during the day
>For the moment, you just squeeze your physician tight, running your fingers down her back

>She shivers
>"Anon?”
“What?”
>”Could you do that again… Please?”
“Sure. You like back rubs?”
>”I don’t think you can find a mare who doesn’t…”
>You bring both hands up to the level of her shoulders and slowly move down as far as decency would allow, working your hands in tight circles and gently pressing your fingers against the muscles on her back
>Caring shudders, small groans leaking out of her half-open mouth
>You repeat the process all the way back up, and you’ve got a half-melted pony in your lap by the time you’re done
>”A-Anon, I don’t suppose this is a regular thing with your other two mares?”
“They’ve never asked for one, actually. Was it that good? That was the first time I’ve given one.”
>Caring buries her face in your shirt, breathing rather heavily
>”Mmmhmmmm~ /Really/ good…”
>She stays like that for a brief interval, before she looks up and speaks again
>”Before I forget, how did you manage to get cologne in prison? You smell great.”
>…wot?
“What do you mean?”
>”You smell like salt, Anon! Ponies love salt!”
>Huh
>…You think you know why Celestia’s nose was glued to your neck last night
“That’s, uh, not cologne. I just smell like that when I sweat.”
>Caring’s eyes widen
>”What?! Really?”
“Really really.”
>Caring’s breathing speeds up, and her cheeks flush again
>”But- That’s-“
“It’s just how humans smell.”
>Caring rears up again, eyes blazing with a fire that both mildly intimidates and slightly arouses you
>”Tell me who your other two mares are. I’m getting into your little group, Anon. I don’t care what they’ll think or say. I’m getting in. One way or another, I'm going to convince them."
>There's no way she's going to believe you if you tell her who they really are
"Well, uh, they're-"
>"Yes?"
"It's a pair of, er-"
>"Yeeeeeesssss?"
"It's a pair of pretty ponies."
>The look she gives you is priceless
>"I'm going to need names, Anon."

>A knock on the door interrupts her interrogation
>“Nurse Touch, have you completed the examination? It’s time for breakfast.”
>Brass came just in time to save your ass
>Caring pouts, looks at you for a moment, then hops off you onto the floor
>She calls back
>”Yes! We’ll be out in a moment!”
>As you get up off the bed, she grabs the bandana you gave her in her magic
>She lifts her cap off with a hoof, and the bandana ties itself around her mane, just behind her horn
>She sets her nurse cap back on top of it, neatly covering the insignia
>She checks herself in a mirror
>”There. Perfect!”
>She turns to face you, grinning
>”Ready for breakfast?”
“Are you sure that’s okay? Won’t you get in trouble for wearing it?”
>”That’s why I covered it, silly!”
>But you can still see it...
>Shrugging, you walk across the office, opening the door for her
>She greets Brass as she exits
>”Good morning, Overseer!”
>”Good morning, Nurse. How’d it go, Anon?”
“Smoothly. Did some tests, took some pictures, and drew some blood.”
>Brass’ eyebrows go up at that, and he looks at Caring
>”You drew his blood?”
>”Yes sir! It’s not standard procedure for a physical, but since Anon is a new species, I thought it would be best.”
>Brass slowly nods
>”I suppose… Are you coming with us to breakfast then?”
>Caring looks at you as she responds, smiling coyly
>”Why yes, if that’s alright. Anon and I have so much to talk about.”
>”Funny you should say that. I’ve also got something to discuss with Anon, if you could give us a moment.”
>It’s her turn to be surprised
>”Er, of course sir! I’ll just…”
>She trots a ways down the hall, but watches the two of you
>You squat down to Brass’ level
“What’s up, Brass?”
>”Is it okay that she has some of your blood? I mean, you’re… You know. A god.”
>Or so you think, little horse
>But he kind of has a point
>But then, nurses know how to deal with blood

"It's fine. As long as she doesn't do anything dumb like drinking it or trying to inject it into herself, there'll be no problem."
>Brass blanches at both prospects
>"Hypothetical question. What happens if she does?"
>"Nasty infection" is probably the honest answer
>But you'll never pass up an opportunity to mess with him
>You bust out your best grave, solemn voice
"She will be born anew in the blood. Made a new mare by the blood. And undone by the blood."
>The head guard's eyes bug out
>"What does that even mean?!"
>You rise to your full height, putting on a grim expression
"There are some things ponies are not meant to know, Brass Badge. My blood offer only a taste of those things, so to speak, but it will be enough. Enough to unmake them."
>The little dude tugs at the collar of his guard uniform, sweating slightly
>"W-Well, you'd better tell her. That's awfully spooky, Anon. You shouldn't have let her draw some if it can do that!"
"What nurse would actually do that, though? Calm down, bud. It was mostly a joke anyway."
>He sighs, shaking his head
>"Don't do that. Really. I can't tell when you're joking around."
>You snicker
"Sorry, man. I only do it because we're good pals."
>He coughs, pulling the brim of his cap down over his eyes as you both move down hall towards where Caring awaits
>"...I appreciate your friendship, Anon."
>The nurse falls into step with the two of you a moment later
>"What are your plans for today, Anon?"
"Breakfast, and then do whatever a gang leader is supposed to do, I guess. 90% of the inmates here are terrified of me already, so I don't think I need to go around challenging anyone."
>Brass nods
>"Any inmate lower than black suit that isn't already part of your group is most likely going to steer clear of you. But remember, there's still Twitch to look out for. I've ordered the security on him tightened, but..."
>Brass trails off, clearly troubled
"What? Is he good at escaping or something?”

>"Yep. But it's odd. He's gotten away from his escorts numerous times already, but he never attempts to leave the prison. Instead, he attacks a club at random."
>Jesus
>That's Joker-tier
>Caring shakes her head sadly
>"I've worked with all of his victims. It's... It's savage. They're always in tears by the time they each me."
>Brass nods, grinding his teeth
>"He's one of the worst I've ever seen come through here. I think even Warden is starting to doubt he can be rehabilitated."
>You mull all this over as you reach the door to the cafeteria
>Considering what you've seen in this pastel paradise so far, you doubt Twitch is genuinely dangerous
>He's probably just a bully
>And you'll be perfectly happy to put another bully in his place
>You push the door wide open, holding it open for your two quadruped companions
>You are instantly greeted with calls from a group of tables pushed together
>"Boss!"
>"Anon's here!"
>"Over here, big guy!"
>You smile
>It feels good to be looked up to, even if it's for the wrong reasons
>After you, Brass, and Caring get through the food line, you claim your seats
>Brass takes his usual spot next to you, and Caring takes your other side on the bench
>You tuck into your food like the hungry animal you are
>A few minutes in, you feels something brush against your back
>The feeling's gone as soon as it appeared
>You look around
>Nobody behind you
>Brass is busy eating
>Caring is-
>...
>Caring has her tail flipped up so it's partially wrapped around your torso
"So, uh, mind telling me what you're doing?"
>She looks back at you, tilting her head innocently
>"What do you mean, Anon?"
"Look, I know I'm not the best at pony culture, but I'm pretty sure wrapping your tail around someone would be considered significant."
>She takes on a lackadaisical air, as if just noticing where her tail is
>"Oh, that? Don't worry about it."
"Too late. Seriously, what are you doing?"
>Brass takes notice of your conversation, looking up from his plate

>He quietly but firmly addresses Caring
>”Nurse Touch. While I’m not sure how close you and Anon are, I’ll have you know he’s in a relationship already. What you’re doing is inappropriate.”
>She leans across you towards Brass, withdrawing her tail
>”Oh, I’m /so/ sorry! With who, Overseer?”
>…Did she plan this?
>Clever girl
>If you won’t tell her, she’ll just get someone else to do it
>But Brass’ reply isn’t friendly
>”With a mare I hold profound respect for. In her stead, I ask that you not do that again.”
>Caring recoils slightly from the intensity of his voice
>”I-I… Yes sir. I’m sorry.”
>Damn
>You didn’t know he was that dedicated to Celestia
>You give Caring a reassuring pat on the shoulder, before leaning towards guardbro and whispering
“So what did it mean? The tail-wrap thing.”
>”It’s a gesture of courting, Anon. She was attempting to stake a claim on you.”
>Ah
>You’re pretty sure she was just fishing for info about your other two girls, but she still took it a little too far there
>The conversation drifts, and you chat it up with your underlings
>”Good morning, Anonymous!”
>You know that motherly voice
>You twist around in your seat to see Warden Sharp smiling at you, a tray of food floating next to her
“Morning, Warden!”
>”May I join you for breakfast?”
“Yeah! Here, I’ll scoot over.”
>You push yourself down the bench, pressing your side up against Caring
>She still looks a little sad, but the physical contact cheers her up
>Warden squeezes in neatly between you and Brass, greeting him as she does
>”And good morning to you, Brass! I’m so happy that your injuries seem to have healed well.”
>”Thank you for your concern, ma’am. I’m as healthy as ever.”
>”Don’t you 'ma’am' me, Brass Badge. How long have we known each other?”
>Brass sighs
>Seems like this comes up a lot
>”Since our first year of secondary school. Sixth period, Ancient History. I haven’t forgotten.”

>Warden gently smiles, now speaking to you
>”He can be such a grump, can’t he?”
>You grin
“He sure can.”
>Brass harrumphs, going back to inhaling his breakfast
>Warden continues
>”Well, Anon, I came here fully intent on comforting a lonely human inmate. But instead, you have even more friends than before! I’m so pleased!”
“I’ll be honest Warden. I think most of them are just hanging around me because I’m strong. But yeah. My friends didn’t desert me.”
>Warden turns her gaze to your table mates, who are all suddenly very quiet
>Her gaze catches on one of the armbands with the human hand holding a dumbbell emblazoned upon them
>”…Anon?”
“Warden?”
>”Is this a gang?”
“Afraid so.”
>She takes a deep inhale through her nostrils, and exhales in a long sigh, rubbing her temples with the rounded edges of her hooves
>"Just promise me you’ll keep them in line? No more brutalizing other inmates?”
“Promise. Just for you.”
>You whisper the last word just loud enough for her to hear
“Mom.”
>That gets you a light shove on the arm
>But she’s smiling again
>”I’ll hold you to it.”
>She starts eating, and you resume devouring everything on your tray
>You fail to notice Caring’s gaze flicking between you and Warden as gears turn in her head, and gang members around your table talk in low, excited whispers
>As breakfast hour begins to wind down, you address Warden again
“Hey Warden. I’ve got something for you.”
>”Oh? What is it?”
“Wellllll, you can think of it as a little memento. Or a piece of evidence that you need to hang onto. An item for your file on gang paraphernalia, so to speak.”
>She raises an eyebrow
>You reach into your pocket and pull out the other extra bandanna
>The other eyebrow joins its twin at the top of her face as her eyes widen
>She doesn’t say anything for a moment, staring at it, then looks at you
>”Anon, you are quite possibly the strangest, and yet most likable, inmate I’ve ever worked with.”
“You want it or not?”
>”As long as it’s just a gift between friends, then yes, I’ll happily accept it. However! I do not and will not turn a blind eye to any rule breaking committed by you and your little group in the future. Do we understand each other?”
“You got it, Warden.”
>The bandanna floats out of your hand and tucks itself into the breast pocket of Warden’s uniform

>The bell signaling the end of breakfast rings, and there's a commotion as everyone gets up
>Warden bids you goodbye as you leave the cafeteria
>As your gang ambles down to the weight room, you arrive at an intersection in the hallway
>Caring speaks to you
>"I'll head back to my office, Anon. I still have some work to do."
"Sure. See you at lunch?"
>"You bet!"
>As she walks away, you can't help but think that she seems a bit preoccupied
>You'll ask her later
>A few more minutes of walking, and you arrive
>As soon as everybody gets into the room, you're surrounded by excited voices
>"Anon, that was nuts! How'd you get the warden to do that?"
>"Even the prison staff are with us!"
>"Is the nurse with us too? That's the first time she's ever sat with us."
>Steel Magnolia claps both hands onto your shoulders, eyes gleaming
>"You should come to the Minos Isles when you get out! You'd go really far, Anon!"
>Viktor steps forward, shaking his head
>"Forget that. You could be royalty in Griffonia! Since you defeated Alexei, by rights, you could take his station as a noble."
>That would be a tempting offer if you didn't already have a better one lined up
"Sorry guys, I've kinda got some plans for when I get out. But I'll definitely come visit!"
>Magnolia seems a little put out, but Viktor just nods
>"I think you'll enjoy it when you do."
>Steel Eye steps forward
>"What's the plan, boss? We've got a lot of new griffons in here, a couple new ponies too."
>You address the small crowd
"If you've never lifted before, just watch for today. Everyone else, get into groups of four..."
>You do your best to get all of your new lifters squared away, eager to get started

>You are a young nurse in love, so you're Caring Touch
>Breakfast with Anon had mixed results
>Overseer Badge snapping at you was scary, but Anon pressing up to you and patting your head afterwards made it better
>More importantly, you think you know who it is!
>One of them, anyway
>The warden, of all ponies!
>You wouldn’t have thought she had it in her, but it fits with what you know!
>The Overseer respects her!
>And it makes sense that Anon would want to keep it a secret!
>Still
>The head of the prison and another unknown mare, with a red-suit inmate
>S-Steamy…
>And hopefully the prison nurse will be a part of it too!
>You trot down the hall towards your office, trying not to imagine Anon cuddling Warden and some other mare
>It both arouses you and makes you sad, and you’d rather just imagine yourself in their place
>Those two muscly arms wrapped around you, pulling you in tight to that salt-scented body
>All cuddled up on an infirmary bed, or maybe in his cell
>One hand goes up to your ears, the other down to your lewd parts
>Unnnff
>You’re going to need another cold shower...
>The sound of hoof steps shatters your sexy daydream
>”Hey, pretty nurse! You’re finally out of that office!”
>…oh, horseapples
>You turn around with a groan
“Do you need something, Mr. Trick?”
>The cluelessly grinning stallion before you brushes off your obvious reluctance
>”Just saying hi to the cutest mare in the prison! And please, call me Hat. It’s been so long since you ate with the rest of us lowly miscreants, I was starting to get worried!”
>You’d begun taking your meals in the infirmary for a few days because eating alone was preferable to dealing with this goon hitting on you
“Flattering. If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”
>”Aw, don’t be like that baby! I just think you and me would go well together you know? We’re both young, successful-“
“I am not your ‘baby,’ Mr. Trick. Nor do I believe our relationship is going anywhere beyond professional. Also, I don't see how your being in prison counts as successful. Stop following me.”
>He winces, but doesn’t relent
>”Didn’t I tell you? I’m a pretty well-known polo player! I’m just in prison because, uh-“
“Because you pushed a foal. I’ve read your file. Jerk.”

>He stops in his tracks for a second, starting to sweat
>But you’re not out of the woods yet
>”Er, ah, look, it definitely wasn’t my best moment, but I’m not a bad guy! And a mare like you needs a good stallion in your life, right?”
“Well, it’s a good thing I’ve already found one then, isn’t it?”
>That gets him
>Eyes wide, he quickly responds
>”No! You’re lying! Who is it?! I told all the orange suits you were mine!”
>You start to feel a little smug
“He’s a red suit. I’m sure you’ve seen him. Really tall, wide shoulders, cute face with small eyes? Goes by Anonymous?”
>The look on his face right now
>You wish you could have it framed
>”A-A-A-Anonymous?! That psycho?! He’s practically a monster, Caring! He beat up a black-suit griffon really badly! I hear he said really mean things to a guard the minute he got here, too! The only reason he isn’t a black suit is because he’s in with the prison staff. You can’t be hanging around a freak like that!”
>What did he just-?!
>The nerve on this stallion!
>That’s it!
>You’ve tried to be nice about this, but not anymore
>You’ll teach him to talk about your Anon like that!
>Arriving outside the infirmary, you wheel around to face him
“And what do you know about him, Hat Trick?! I spent nearly a full day with him in my infirmary after an accident in the weights room, and I’ve never met a more well-mannered prison inmate! He’s well-spoken, likes board games and long conversations, is crazy strong, and can do things with his fingers that would turn any mare into putty, but above everything else, he takes good care of his friends. So take a hint…”
>You reach with a hoof and lift your nurse cap up just enough to show off the bandanna beneath it, and the insignia emblazoned there
“…or I’ll tell him you’ve been bothering me.”
>Hat Trick stares into your cold, unblinking eyes, lightly shaking
>Then he turns and runs down the hall as fast as he can
>…you might have gone a little overboard there
>But it’s alright
>One less issue to deal with
>You open the door to your office and lock it behind you
>A quick shower, then you’ll mail those pictures and get to work

>You are Anon
>And you’re in the middle of blowing your new recruits’ minds
>Or rather, the minds of everyone who isn’t Brass
>Little guy’s been desensitized to your nonsense by this point
>”Uh, Anon, I know you’re strong, but this is… Are you sure you can do this?”
>One of the new ponies looks up at you, equal parts concern and wonder in his eyes
“Trust me. I got this.”
>”This” referring to the squat rack holding a barbell with four ponies and four Equestrian standard plates hanging on it
>Just under 300 lbs.
>The weights club veterans are psyched
>There’s some griffon with a long, curved beak taking pudding cup bets on whether you can do it or not
>Odds are against you
>You chuckle, muttering under your breath
“Ye of little faith…”
>You step into the rack, getting under the bar between the four ponies and squaring up your stance
>Brass stands on the other side of it, looking up at you
>”Hurry up and win me some pudding, Anon!”
“Ha! How much you got on me?”
>”My entire week’s ration. Always gotta go big on the sure bets.”
“Leave it to me, bud. You’re going to have more pudding than you can stand.”
>He grins
>”Pick it up.”
>You don’t respond with words
>You take a deep breath, tighten your gut, and drive upward
>The bar leaves the rack, and you stand up straight, the cheers in the room intensifying
>Your four pony weight look a little nervous, but you’ll put those fears to rest in a moment
>You only have to do one anyway
>Taking a deep breath, you begin your descent
>It's been a nearly a week since you last went this heavy, but you're holding up well
>Hit parallel
>Now comes the hard part
>You flex your legs and begin the return trip, everyone in the room flipping the fuck out
>"A-non! A-non! A-non!"
>The thunder of your pulse in your ears as you exert yourself and the chanting of your clubmates blends into a cacophony
>Nearly there...
>Come on...!
>Your legs shudder, but you manage to stand up again, repacking the bar
>Groans and cheers fill the room in equal measure
>A good number of ponies lost a lot of pudding today
>Brass, with the fattest smirk you've ever seen on him, returns with a sack full of pudding vouchers
>"That was incredible, Anon. Can't say I'm surprised, but I'm definitely impressed."
"Thanks, Brass. You gonna eat all that yourself?"
>He scratches his chin as if in deep thought, but the smirk never leaves his face
>"Hmmmmm... I might share with my best friend."
"Yeah? What's he like?"
>"He's a two-legged weirdo who got in here on what might be the dumbest charge I've ever heard, but he's alright."
>You can't not smile at that
>Standing up, you help the four ponies down from the bar
>Wings, hooves, and a trio of minotaur hands smack into your back, congratulating you on shattering the prison record for squat
>Pretty damn good day so far

>You are Hat Trick
>And you are a combination of sad, mad, and scared right now
>You're out in the recreation yard with the polo club, but you're sitting the game out
>You just don't know what to do
>You got rejected by the nurse with the nice butt again today
>But even worse, she's with that nut job of a red suit!
>And she got really mad at you when you tried to tell her how dumb that was!
>You were just looking out for her, the ingrate!
>And she threatened you!
>What the hay?!
>Still, there's not much you can do
>Everyone was there when Anon did all that horrible stuff to Alexei
>You'd have to be dumber than a post to try and provoke him, so you can't try to talk to Caring anymore
>But that doesn't stop you from being mad about it
>There has to be a way you can stand up to him
>But how?
>She seems to think he's pretty cool, she's even a part of his gang now!
>This sucks...
>You sit and think until your brain hurts, but you just can't think of anything
>You'd need someone even stronger than he is if you wanted to threaten him, and the only way that's going to happen is if you have a black suit even worse than Alexei on your side
>...
>Wasn't there one?
>You didn't really pay attention on your tour around the facility, but there was one cell in particular that caught your eye
>It was locked... from the outside!
>You can't even imagine living in those conditions
>But that cell apparently held one of the worst inmates in recent history
>You can't remember his name, you don't really care about stuff like that
>But maybe if you talk to him...
>A fellow stallion would surely understand your plight!
>You won't give up your mare of choice to some bizarre mutant minotaur!
>Resolute, you wait for club time to end
>Just you wait, Anonymous!
>You'll get yours!

>You are a freshly-showered nurse, so you're back to being Caring Touch
>After mailing off the photos of Anonymous to Princess Celestia, you returned to your office to begin doing some simple tests on Anon's blood
>But something strange is happening
>All the tests are coming back inconclusive
>It's just a basic magical test to determine blood type, but it's not working!
>How can this be?
>You know Anon is heavily resistant to magic, but you assumed that was just a property of his skin!
>For his blood to be the same way is deeply concerning
>There's no such thing as an entirely non-magical creature, that's preposterous
>Life depends on magic!
>Resistance to magic in and of itself is a magical property!
>You need to talk to him
>There has to be an explanation
>Weights club will be over soon, you'll go get him yourself
>As nice as it will be to be alone with him again, this is more urgent than romance!
>Quickly donning your cap, leaving the bandanna behind on your desk, you rush off as soon as you have the door securely locked

>You careen through the halls as fast as you can, making a beeline for the weight room
>Unfortunately, you’ve never really had much in terms of speed, and you haven’t been able to exercise very often since getting this job
>You’re huffing and puffing by the time you reach the weight room, your weak unicorn legs trembling from exertion
>After a couple wheezing breaths you look around to see that you’re a little late
>Ponies and griffons of all colors are turning a corner down the hall, and Anon's nowhere in sight
>Dang it!
>You fast-trot after them, still winded
>After what feels like forever, you catch sight of them as they file into one of the club rooms
>Approaching the closest one, you ask
“Excuse me! Is Anon here?”
>The inmate, a griffon, eyes you before responding
>“The Big Boss headed off with his guard lackey for a bit. Why you wanna know?”
>Is that how they see Overseer Badge…?
“I need to talk to him about a medical matter. Where did they go?”
>Some of the other inmates were eavesdropping on your conversation, and one interjects
>”What’s the deal? Is he sick?”
“I’m not going to talk about it with any of you, nurse-patient confidentiality! Now /please/ tell me where he went!”
>The inmates look around uncertainly, before one of the minotaurs takes charge
>”Anon went with the Overseer to his office. They were gonna stash the pudding tickets they won.”
>Pudding tickets? What?
>Argh, it doesn’t matter!
>You turn to leave, but the minotaur puts his hand on your shoulder
>”Wait. He’s okay, right?”
“No! I mean, yes, but-! I don’t know! I’ve never seen anything like this before!”
>”What do you mean? How can you not-?!”
“I’ll know when I find him, now let go!!"
>He recoils at the intensity of your shout, and you bolt out of the room, your frustration giving you a second wind
>The Overseer’s office isn’t very far from yours! If you’re quick, you’ll find him and be able to take him straight back!

>You’re Brass Badge
>And wow, what a haul!
>You’re not usually one for gambling, but that hardly counted as a gamble
>As you cram your winnings into a drawer in your filing cabinet, you reflect on how you’ve changed since you got this assignment
>Normally, you’d never have participated in a club
>Or interacted with inmates in general outside of your duties
>You were never really a social pony to begin with
>It only got worse after…
>That thing happened
>You don’t think anypony here aside from Warden knows about it
>That’s the way you wanted it to stay, but you’ve been thinking
>You and Anon are great friends
>Even compared to some of your old pals from the guard, Anon’s high on the list
>Princess Celestia teaches that honesty is an important part of friendship, and one of the Elements of Harmony
>Well, it’s more an issue of transparency than honesty, but…
>Gah, you’re just splitting hairs!
>If you’re really Anon’s friend, he should know that you’re not the good pony he seems to think you are
>”Brass?”
>The human in question prods you with a finger
“Ah, sorry. Just thinking how great all this is! Even if we start taking three puddings with every meal, this will last us a month!”
>The tall inmate chuckles, and helps you finish cramming the tickets in
>Keeping a few for lunch, you both depart the office
>As you trot down the hall, you ask
“Say, Anon. I know you’re a human, but have you ever done anything bad?”
>”Well, yeah. Everyone does at some point. And I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t right?”
>You snicker at that, but the mirth leaves your face as you continue
“Sure, but I mean…”
>The towering being looks down at you with concern as you try to force yourself to continue
>Coming clean with your shame is harder than you thought

“Have you ever done something bad because you thought it was good? If that makes sense."
>He stares at you, an odd expression coming over his face
“Does this have anything to do with why you quit the guard?”
>Do all humans catch on this quickly? Geez
“Y-Yeah.”
>”Was it really so bad that you had to leave?”
>Your eyes fall to the tiled floor and your pace slows, your contrition weighing you down
“It was… Yeah. I had to. I knew what I was doing was mean, but I thought it was the best thing to do. I think… I think we’re similar like that.”
>Anon squats down and places an encouraging hand on your shoulder
>”We both take things too far?”
“Yeah. Sort of. We've both lost control sometimes. You know? Like you did when you got here and with Alexei.”
>He’s silent for a moment, before responding
>”Did you hit another guard?”
>What?! No!
>You recoil at the very thought, hooves flailing as you hurriedly explain
“I’d never hit a brother guard! It was a bad guy!"
>That came out a little louder than you intended
>Inmates lean out of a nearby club room, all staring at the pair of you
>You start fast-trotting down the hall, gesturing for Anon to follow
“Er, anyways, I just wanted you to know that I’m not a good pony, Anon.”
>”…And, why would you want me to think that?”
“Well, I mean, we’re friends, right? You have a right to know.”
>Anon gives you a look that suggests you’ve said something dumb
>But you haven’t!
>Friends tell each other about this stuff, right?
>Anon speaks, keeping his withering stare on you
>”Brass, if you know we’re friends, why would you think I’d care about something like that? Accepting stuff like that is what friends do.”
>You open your mouth to retort, but he holds up a hand
>”And before you say ‘but it was really bad,’ you need to remember that I’m a human bro. Whatever it is you’ve done, I’ve seen and probably done much worse.”

>You look up at your godly friend incredulously as he finishes speaking
>”I promise that whatever happened, I don’t think any less of you.”
>Your eyes fall to the floor
>You’re not tearing up
>It’s just sweat from lifting
>”Thank you, Anon.”
>Your response is quiet, but the pat on your back confirms he heard you
>You feel better, but a bad touch is still a bad touch
“A-Anon, c’mon, I’ve told you about touching ponies’ backs!”
>He freezes up, eyes widening
>”Uh. Oh yeah. Forgot about that.”
>You raise an eyebrow at his odd reaction
”You didn’t touch somepony else’s back today, did you?”
>”Nah, I just did it without thinking since it’s an encouraging gesture on Earth. Definitely didn’t touch a nurse earlier today.”
>Oddly specific
>But what a guy!
>The two of you proceed down the hall back towards the cooking club
>You can’t help the smile on your face and the pep in your step
>Nothing could bring you down right now!

>You are Caring Touch
>And everything is going wrong!
>Anon has no magic in his blood!
>And you can’t find him!
>And you’re too out of breath to run anymore!
>You got to Overseer Badge’s office, but no pony was there!
>Is he back at cooking club now?!
>UGH!
>You’ll have to catch him at lunch
>Breathing heavily, you make for the cafeteria
>You’ll wait for him outside!

>You’re an overnight gang leader, so you’re Anon
>And right now, you’re presiding over your little group of “hardened” criminals…
>…baking cookies
>This fucking place
>You’re munching down on some pretty damn good snickerdoodles when one of the griffons walks up to you
>”Hey Boss, I just remembered! Did the nurse find you? She said you might be sick!”
>Steel Eye speaks next
>”Hey, yeah. She came in here saying something about how there might be something wrong with you, but she has to talk to you to be sure. Are you feeling okay, Anon?”
“Yeah. No different than usual. I’ll talk to her about it, so don’t worry guys.”
>There’s a murmur of well-wishes from your followers, and then business as usual
>Brass gives you a tap as you devour another treat
>”You okay with hanging out with Cookies and the nurse for a while? There’s something I want to check on.”
“Uh, sure. What’s happening?”
>”Ah, nothing's happening /now/. I just think since Alexei went out of his way to attack you, I should make sure the other black suit interested in you doesn’t get any ideas.”
>Oh yeah, there was another one!
“His name’s Twitch, right?”
>You were speaking at a normal conversational volume, so of course the inmates around you heard
>One of the stallions gives a horrified squeak
>”T-Twitch?!”
>The room goes dead silent for a moment, before another inmate hisses
>”Don’t say his name!”
>”I-It wasn’t me! Boss and his guard henchpony just said that Twitch is after him!”
>”Wait, what did you just-?!”
>Brass’ indignation is cut off by a volley of terrified shouts
>”Oh no!”
>”The Meanie’s coming after you?! Boss, we need to find you a place to hide!”
>”The horror! The horror!”
>Holy shit, it’s pandemonium in here!
>Steel Magnolia hugs you tearfully, and her two brothers rush to you
>Viktor flies up to the level of your head, a claw resting on your shoulder
>”Anon, this is /bad/. Twitch is almost universally feared, he’s insane!”
“He terrorizes, clubs, right? But guys, you’ve got /me/. I don’t think-“
>Steel Trap cuts you off
>”No, Anon, he’s too fast! Even for you! My brother and I stood up to him when he came by the weights club, and…”
>He shudders, saying no more
>Jesus Christ
>You’re about to try and calm everyone down, but Brass beats you to it
>”EVERYPONY BE QUIET!”
>Your uniformed buddy shouts them into silence, everyone frozen
>”Inmate Twitch is under heavy security. I’ll be going to personally check on him shortly. There is no reason to panic.”
>Someone shouts accusingly from the back
>”That won’t stop him! He’s gotten out before!”
>There’s  chorus of scattered “yeahs,” but Brass stomps his hoof
>”Hush! New security measures were implemented after his last escape. There’s /no way/ he’s getting out again. I’ve personally made sure of that. Have a little faith.”
>There’s a general murmur of relief
>”If you say so, henchpony.”
>”Yeah, if the boss’ guard underling says so…”
>”Brass stamps his hooves even harder, glowering at the ones who spoke
>”That’s another thing! I’m NOT Anon’s henchpony, I’m his friend! You are not free to order me around, you still have to listen to what I say, and the next one who calls me a henchpony loses their pudding for the rest of the day! Is that clear?!”
>There’s a single unified, frightened response
>”Y-Yes sir!”
>Brass huffs, straightening his cap
>”That’s better.”
>The inmates hurriedly return to their seats under Brass’ watchful eye, and you snag another cookie before kicking back in yours
>Brass walks up, motioning to the door
>”As I was saying, I’ll go ensure you-know-who doesn’t start making trouble. Cookies will take over as your chaperone in the meantime.”
>As Brass finishes that sentence, the door to the club room opens, and a bright-eyed, excited Cookies salutes
>”Guardsmare Cream reporting, Overseer! Ready to take over prisoner chaperone duties!”
>Brass returns the salute, then walks through the door
>”He’s all yours. Keep the rest of them in line too, they’re getting a little uppity.”
>”Yes sir!”
>Brass heads out, and she skips over to you, smiling wide as the lunch bell rings
>”Hi Anon! I hope your day has been good! Are you ready for lunch?”
“Yep. Want a cookie, Cookies?”
>That question should not make you smile as much as it does
>”Oh, I’d love one! Wait, no, it’s before lunch time… You guys haven’t been eating these this whole time, have you? You’re supposed to save your treats for after lunch!”
>The weights and cooking club members snicker as you try to placate her
“We’re just hungry from weights. We’ll still finish our lunches, won’t we guys?”
>After some assurances from the rest of your group, Cookies relents
>”Well, if you say so…”
>The pony-tailed pony takes the proffered cookie from your hand and tries it
>”Mmm! ’S reel gud!”
“Easy, Cookies. Don’t choke.”
>She’s already gobbled it up by the time you finish saying that
>”Thanks for that, Anon! Let’s go.”
>You depart, Cookies and the whole of your gang following you to the cafeteria
>You ponder what you should do afterwards
>Check on Luna, definitely
>Hopefully she’s still zonked out on your bed
>She wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, would she?
>Nah, no way
>It’s settled; lunch first, then go snuggle the fuck out of the moon princess during nap time
>Hell yeah

>All the guards salute when you walk past, so you’re most likely Brass Badge
>And so help you Celestia, you were going to make /sure/ Twitch didn’t get out this time!
>You canter down the hall as quickly as decorum allows
>Wouldn’t want to upset any of your subordinates
>They might think there was trouble if you were galloping around, and these past couple days have been stressful enough
>If Twitch managed to get loose, on top of all that, what kind of prison overseer were you?
>Might as well hoof in your cap and quit!
>You snort, squaring your shoulders with resolution
>That’s right
>No more letting Anon do half your job for you
>You arrive in the black cell block
>These have metal bars of wooden doors, and guards patrol all day every day
>One of them, Swing Shift, falls in alongside you, throwing a quick salute before speaking
>”Good afternoon, sir! What brings you here?
“Afternoon, Swing. I need to check on… you-know-who. Get a couple of the others and come with me.”
>He visibly gulps, but nods, hurrying off
>He’s a tough one, but Twitch frightened even the most hardened ponies
>Except you, of course
>You don’t afraid of anything
>You reach the secluded, super-maximum security wing when you see something to of place
>Rather, somepony
>A red-suit pony trembles in the midst of the hall, seemingly unable to progress any further
>Why in the world would he even want to in the first place?
>Time to investigate!
“You there! Red inmate! What are you doing here?”
>Gotta set the tone early on, show ‘em who’s boss
>He shrieks, jumping while trying to turn around at the same time
>He lands flat on his back with a thud
>…Maybe a little too much there, Brass
“Er… are you alright?”
>He shakily climbs to his feet
>”Uh… I… Yeah! J-Just fine! I was, uh, just trying to, you know, visit a friend!”
>Yeah right
>He was too scared to move a second ago!
“I’m afraid you’ll have to try harder than that, inmate. What are you really doing here? If you’re a gang member trying to visit your boss, you’re in for one heck of a timeout!”
>At that moment, Swing arrives flanked by two other guards
>”Overseer, I’ve brought- hang on! Hat Trick?! What are you doing in the black suit wing?”
“Swing, are you familiar with this prisoner?”
>He narrows his eyes, never taking them off the visibly intimidated stallion
>”Indeed I am. Former polo player, incarcerated five days ago for knocking a foal to the ground. Currently midway through his sentence."
>He only got 10 days for battering a foal?!
>The lower courts were way too light on punishment these days
“Well, well. Bullying foals, eh? You’re a real piece of work, Mr. Trick.”
>”N-No! You’re wrong! I didn’t mean to!”
“Hush! You had a chance to plead your case and clearly failed. You’re in /my/ world now, inmate, and I suggest you get back to the red wing before I lose my patience.”
>The prisoner wilts
>One of the guards who came to assist you steps forward to lead him away, but he tries one last excuse
>”Twitch will be mad you didn’t let me see him!"
>Your subordinates freeze in their places
>Even your hackles rose a bit
“…Are you claiming to be in league with him?”
>As you stare at him, he seems to regret ever opening his mouth
>”Uh… maybe…?”
>Ugh
>You don’t have time for this nonsense
“Swing, he’s coming with us. I’ll need all three of you and I don’t want any more delays.”
>”Yes Overseer. Come along, you!"
>Despite his protests, your coworkers jostle him down the dim hall until you arrive
>The maximum security wing rarely saw use
>Most of the cells are empty, their tall, solid-metal doors standing open
>All but one
>You reach under the shirt of your uniform, pulling out a key on a necklace
>The lock clicks and releases, and the door opens with a long grinding squeal
>You pass the key to the one pony who will remain outside, while the rest of you enter
>Hat Trick squeaks at the sight that awaits you
>The only things in the room were a cot, a small bedside table, a sink and toilet…
>And the black-suited pegasus sitting in the middle of the room, waiting
>His body trembles and jerks at random, but his eyes bore holes into the four of you as the door swings shut behind you
>You wait for the sound of it locking before you speak
“Hello, Twitch.”
>“Hello, Mr. Badge. Guardsponies. Red suit I don’t know.”
>Although he jerks and shudders violently, his speech is clipped and even
>You’d been unable to believe his crimes when you’d first met him
>He seemed so composed aside from the, well, twitching
>But you watched him assault an entire room of ponies that very day
>No mistake, this one was the worst of the worst, and you wouldn’t doubt his badness again!
“I’ve heard you’re eager to meet some new friends. Brought you one, see?”
>Hat Trick wails, trying to hide behind one of the guards
>”Real funny, Overseer. You know I don’t mix well with others. And it’s one friend in particular I hope to make. The… human, right? I could hear poor Alexei crying in his cell from here.”
“Shame. Hat Trick here was so eager to meet you for some reason. And I don’t think Anonymous would get along with a violent nutcase.”
>He snorts.
>”Oh? That’s strange. I thought two /violent nutcases/ would get along swimmingly.”
>What?!
“Excuse you, inmate?”
>You take a step forward, flaring your nostrils
>”Just thinking out loud. If this new guy’s really as prone to acting out as I hear, we have a lot in common.”
>You heave a long, exasperated sigh
>He doesn’t understand who he’s talking about
“Listen carefully, Inmate Twitch. Anonymous is under royal protection. It’s none of your business what he does. More importantly, that attitude is why you keep getting your sentence extended. If you /really/ want your situation to change, I’d recommend you stop terrorizing clubs and hurting inmates who genuinely want to reform."
>”Yeah, you freak!”
>Your head whips around, shooting Swing Shift a look, but the damage is done
>Twitch’s eyes widen, then slowly narrow as he rises to his hooves
>Despite being a relatively young pegasus, he’s nearly as tall as you are
“Swing Shift, that was uncalled for. Apologize. Twitch, be calm, it’s only words-"
>”What’s the difference?”
“What?”
>”What’s the difference between him and I? I don’t understand. He’s done all the things I have. So why isn’t he locked up in here with me? Why doesn’t he have to suffer being alone all day, having meals brought to him, having to hear other ponies laugh happily down the hall? Hm?! Tell me why, Mr. Badge! Tell me how that’s justice!”
“Calm down, Twitch!”
>His jerks and shudders grow worse
>”I won’t! I’m tired of this! I always try to explain, I never mean to hurt anyone, but nopony ever listens! Not even Warden! And now, on top of all this shame, this “Anonymous” shows up, assaults /guards/ and inmates, and only gets red? He’s not a ‘freak’? I think you need your head checked!”
>”Hey! You can’t talk to the Overseer like that!”
>Twitch’s eyes shift from you, his anger-filled stare transfixing the other guard, Close Watch
>He falters, slowly backing away
>This isn’t going anywhere
>You might have even made it worse by coming here
“Inmate, I came here to tell you two things. That you must cease your wanton attacks on others, and that your room confinement is extended until the end of the week. That is all. Watch, get the door.”
>With a gulp and a nod, he gratefully turns away, banging on the door and calling through the window for your pony on the outside
>Twitch growls, stomping up to you until you’re almost nose to nose
>”Don’t think so, Mr. Badge. I’m done playing nice.”
>You glower at the unruly pegasus
“When were you ever? And you don’t have a choice-“
>You see the hoof flying at you out of the corner of your eye, but it’s too late
>SMACK
>Your vision swims
>You hear Hat Trick screaming and the other prison guards shouting, but it’s all indistinct
>Even disoriented, your years in the Royal Guard disciplined you for situations like this
>You lower a shoulder and drive forward, bulling the lighter pegasus off his hooves for a wrassle
>You feel the blow connect, but as you take the prisoner to ground his hooves slap against your chest and head with incredible speed
>You really, really miss your old armor

>You’re bipedal and feelin’ a sweet pump right now, so you’re either Anonymous or one of the minotaurs
>Probably Anonymous
>And you’ve just arrived at the cafeteria to find an incredibly agitated nurse awaiting you
>”Anon! There you are! I’ve been looking for you forever! We need to talk!”
>She tries to shepherd you away from your group, but Cookies intervenes
>”Hold on, miss nurse! Where are you going? Anon hasn’t eaten yet!”
>”Never mind that! And what are you doing here Cookies n’ Cream? Where’s Overseer Badge?”
>”He had to take care of some stuff. I’m in charge of Anon until he gets back, and this inmate needs to eat!”
>Steel Trap speaks, cutting off any further argument from the nurse
>”Why can’t you talk to him over lunch? I know you were worried earlier, but Boss is in tip top shape. There’s no way he’s sick, and the guard’s right.”
>Caring gives him such a look he actually flinches, but you put your hand on her neck
“Just come eat with us, alright? Whatever’s going on, I’m fine for the moment.”
>She groans but relents
>You and your merry band of weightlifting pals plus a guard and a nurse push a bunch of tables together before going through the lunch line
>Carin doesn’t get much to eat, and rears up in her seat to whisper to you as soon as you sit down
>”Anon, I’m very worried about you. Your blood isn’t reacting to my tests!”
>…that’s it?
“C’mon, Caring. You know about me and magic.”
>”This is completely different! It’s one thing to be /resistant/ to magic, but if your blood doesn’t react to magical tests then there’s no magic in your blood and if there’s no magic in your blood then there’s no magic in your body and-“
>She sucks in a breath, whisper-shouting into your ear
>”Nothing can live without magic Anon! This could be serious!”
>You highly doubt it
>But now that you think about it, Caring doesn’t know you’re from another dimension or whatever, right?
>This will be hell to explain
>You hope Brass gets back soon; explaining to her that you’re a pony deity will be easier when there’s someone who believes it present
“It’s okay, I promise. I’d never lie to my nurse.”
>There’s a hint of pink on her cheeks as she pouts
>”I-I still want an explanation!”
“I know, and you’ll get one. Just wait until Brass gets back, okay? He understands my, uh… condition pretty well.”
>Cute nurse is acutely confused, but you gently set her back in her seat, speaking at normal volume
“Trust me, okay?”
>An ear scratch silences any further protest, and you begin inhaling your food
>You lick your plate clean in a matter of minutes, and chat it up with everyone
>Cookies fits right in
>She seems to be pretty popular even among the inmates
>After some happy banter with a couple of the weights club members, she turns to you
>”Say, Anon! I wanted to ask you something. Do you know any more cool tricks, like that one where you open a bottle with another bottle?”
“Well, I guess? Do you want to know more bottle tricks or just cool stuff in general?”
>”Anything!”
>You chuckle
“Alright, alright. Let me see…”
>You think for a moment before remembering a good one
“Let me see your apple, Cookies.”
>She eagerly proffers the apple from her lunch plate
>You twist the stem out, then grip it tightly with both hands, your thumbs resting on top
>You twist your hands inwards, fingers gripping the bottom while the soft flesh at the base of your thumbs presses into the depression at the top of the fruit
>After a few moments, it pops neatly in half
>Her eyes nearly bulge out of her head
>”Whooaaaaaa, super cool! But wait, that’s just you being strong Anon. How can I do that?”
“Not even my hands are strong enough to just rip an apple in half. It’s all about applying pressure. Here, I’ll show you again. Hey guys, anybody got an apple?”
>There’s a clamor, and suddenly you have a whole bunch of apples and spectators
>Cookies eventually finds the sweet spot with her hooves, and shouts happily when she gets a clean split
>Of course, everybody else wanted to know how after seeing her do it
>You spend the rest of lunch teaching everyone at your table
>The griffons and minotaurs have the best luck with it, though quite a few ponies figure it out too
>The bell rings, and everyone begins heading back to their cells for afternoon nap
>Caring and Cookies remain with you, following you out of the cafeteria
>The peppy prison guard is still excited
>”Thanks for teaching me that, Anon! I’m gonna show the other guards!”
>You nod absently in response, glancing up and down the hall.
“Sure thing… Say, how long was that security check supposed to last?”
>Cookies pauses in her excitement
>”I don’t really know… But now that you mention it, it should probably be over with by now.”
>You ponder going to check, but decide not to
>You gotta let the guy do his actual job sometimes, right?
“Hm. Ah well. I’ll see him soon enough. I’m gonna head to my room for a nap, Cookies. What will you do?”
>”I’ll head back to the guards’ break room and check in there, for starters. If I see the Overseer, I’ll let him know you’re in your room!”
>She waves as she dashes off, leaving you with Caring
>Who is currently looking at you beseechingly
>”Anon, please. I know you’re hiding something. Can’t you tell me?”
>Fuck
>What is it with these little ponies and being so endearing?
>You’ve never been guilt-tripped this hard in your whole life
“…Alright, I’ll try and explain. I’ll walk you back to your office while we talk.”
>You start walking, but as you go you notice her starting to lag behind
“What’s the matter?”
>”Oh, I- er- I spent most of the morning running around looking for you. M-My legs are a little tired…”
>You snicker, and Caring gives you a look
>”Don’t laugh! Whose fault do you think this was?”
“Heheheh. Alright, I’m sorry. C’mere.”
>You drop to your knees, holding out your arms
>Her face lights up
>For having weak legs, she practically leaps into your hands
>You rest her on your shoulder, like you would when holding a cat
>Caring giggles happily
>”Ooooo, such a gentlecolt. Alright mister. What are you trying to hide from your primary caregiver?”
>Your smile wanes slightly, and you make sure the pair of you are out of earshot of other inmates before you speak
“Have I ever told you where I’m from?”
>”No! Overseer Badge only told me that you’re a human. Where do you come from?”
“It’s a place called Earth.”
>”Huh… I’ve never heard of it. Where is it?”
>Here we go
“Far from here. Reeeaaaally far. So far that I don’t think you can get there normally.”
>”But then how did you get here?”
“Magic, apparently.”
>You feel her turn about to look at the back of your head
>”…I don’t know if I fully understand where this is going, Anon.”
“I’m not from… whatever this planet is called, Caring. I’m from somewhere very different, and very scary. There’s no magic there.”

>You can’t believe what you’re hearing, so odds are you’re Caring Touch
>Anon’s from another planet?
>You don’t know much about astronomy, but you’re moderately sure they haven’t found another planet with life on it besides this one
>But at the same time…
>He’s talking as if he believes it himself
>Does the Overseer believe this too?
“Well… Uh… This is a lot to take in all of a sudden, Anon.”
>”Yeah. Not surprised. I swear it’s the truth though, Caring. It’s why the princesses are interested in me, and it’s why my blood’s so weird.”
>You guess that all makes sense
>You reach with your hooves, hugging Anon’s head as he carries you
“I don’t care.”
>He laughs gently, and you feel the hand on the back of your neck begin to scratch
>”Heheheh. I’m happy to hear that. Still, is it okay if all your tests don’t work?”
“Hmm. Well… I guess? If you’re an alien, then figuring out how to address any medical issues you might have is more work than I can handle. I can do my best to take care of you if you get sick while you’re here, but it’ll take brighter ponies than me to figure out how to properly care for your somepony of your physiology.”
>”That’s fine. I’d hate to bury you in work.”
>You can’t help but smile
>This is why you like Anonymous
>You can talk to the Overseer about this later
>You think you’ll just enjoyed being carried for now
>You sigh contentedly, leaning your head against his
>The halls seem to fly by in comfortable silence
>Eventually he stops
>”Here we are.”
>Anonymous kneels and sets you down on the floor
>”Get some rest, Caring. I’ll see you at dinner, okay?
“H-Honestly, I’m a nurse Anon! I know how to take care of myself! But thank you, regardless.”
>And with a smile and a wave, he’s gone
>It took all of your remaining willpower to keep your knees from going weak
>Welp, time for another cold shower and a nap

>You are on your way to snuggle a princess, so you must be Anon
>You’re glad Caring took that so well
>You thought it was going to be a lot weirder than it was
>And you were careful to not put your hands on her back or belly when you picked her up
>You stride through the halls, a path through the inmates filing to their rooms for nap time clearing as you went
>Being notorious has it perks
>You arrive at your room and slip inside quietly, locking the door
>Man, you still can’t get over that you have a lock on this side
>You feel your way over to the bathroom door and open it, flipping on the lights
>It casts just enough light into the bedroom to make out a shape curled up under your blankets, softly rising and falling
>ohboy.jpg
>You take a quick, cold shower to wash off the remaining grime from weights and put on a clean uniform before making your way to the bed
>You lift the blanket to climb in, only to have a pair of dark blue hooves shoot out and ensnare you
>”You have much to learn in the arts of stealth, sweet. Come closer. I have awaited you.”
>You don’t need to be told twice
>Moments later, you are resting comfortably in your cloud bed with Luna snuggled tight against you
>Her eyes are bleary, having been awoken when you entered the room, but she smiles as she speaks
>”How did the day fare for you? I trust all goes well?”
>You gently rake your fingers through her coat as you tell her all about it
“Showed off in front of the weights club today. And the cooking club made some really delicious snickerdoodles.”
>She giggles
>”Your taste in subordinates is most practical. And I should like to have witnessed your spectacle during exercises.”
“If you have training equipment at the castle, I’ll happily replicate it.”
>Luna scoots up until she can nuzzle the side of your face, extending a wing across your body
>”Hee hee. I shall have to make certain they have enough weight…"
>After a time, the darkness and comforting warmth at your side begin to lull you to sleep
>You hear her voice whisper as the world fades out
>”Come, Anon. Let us dream together.”

>About fifteen minutes before lunch ended, you were Brass Badge
>Everything was a blur
>You managed to pin Twitch to the ground while Swing Shift and Close Watch got the other prisoner out
>The endless barrages of slaps and smacks against your face rattled you, but you held on
>Swing Shift came barreling back in, holding down one of the prisoner’s forelegs
>”Overseer, we’re ready to go! Hurry! Let’s get out and lock the door!”
>Easier said than done
>Twitch shouts as he struggles beneath you
>”You can’t hold me down forever! The moment you let up, I’m out of here!”
>How do you do this?
>You can’t let him escape his cell, but you have to stun him long enough to allow you to get out and lock the door
>If you get up, Swing Shift will just have to take your place holding him down
>If he can even restrain him
>Ugh, this is like one of those frustrating logic problems they used to make you do in school
>Think, Brass Badge!
>After a few moments’ hesitation, you know what you have to do
>It’s the only way to make sure no pony else gets hurt
“Swing, head for the door. I’ll be right behind you.”
>He nods, taking only a moment to steady himself before scrambling for the exit
>While he does, you wind up-
>-And bring your hoof crashing down onto Twitch’s snout
>”OW!!”
>The lemon-colored hooves cease their assault on your face, retreating to cover their owner’s hurting nose
>Success, but at a cost to your conscience
>You leap up and gallop out the door
>As soon as you’re clear, your three guardsponies heave against it, slamming it into place
>The lock clicks shut, and not a moment too soon
>The sounds of an angry pegasus hammering on the other side fill the hallway
>”I’ll get you for that, Mr. Badge! Just you wait and see if I don’t! It’s mean guards like you that make prisons scary to begin with!
>Close Watch slams the viewport in the door shut and shouts back
>”Put a lid on it, crook! It’s goons like /you/ that make prisons scary!”
>Swing Shift, meanwhile, congratulates you
>”Great work, Overseer! How’d you do that?”
>You stammer out a response
“O-Oh, well, uh, you know. Old Solar Guard trick. Won’t find that anywhere in the prison guard manual.”
>”Cool! Is your face okay? He was really whaling on you.”
>You tentatively prod your cheeks with a hoof, and immediately regret it
>Aw, nuts, they’ve already started to swell…
“Now that you mention it… Let’s head back to the guard room. Can somepony take Mr. Trick-?”
>Your third helper, Searchlight, puts a hoof on your shoulder
>”I’ll make sure he gets back, boss. You gotta go get some ice on your face.”
>You nod wearily
“Alright. Thank you everypony. Let’s go."

>The guard room is pretty quiet when you get there, thankfully
>Close Watch sits with you on one of the sofas until Swing Shift returns with an icepack for your face
>There’s no need to take up space in the infirmary over something like this, but only the nurse has medical supplies
>”How do you feel, sir? Sure you don’t want to see the nurse?”
>You take the icepack from Swing, pressing it against your swollen cheek
>Ahhhhhh, sweet relief
“Much better now, and no. There’s not much a nurse can do for bruising that hasn’t broken the skin.”
>Close Watch shudders
>”Have you ever gotten bruised that bad, sir? Broken skin?”
>You nod
“Mhm. Plenty of opportunities for it in the Solar Guard. But it’s not so bad. They make magic-enhanced bandaids these days, cools the wound as soon as they’re applied. Really impressive stuff.”
>You lean back in the sofa, chatting with your coworkers
>You were kinda-sorta in charge, sure, but this wasn’t like your old job where you had to stand on ceremony at all times
>You had a fancy job title courtesy of Warden’s insistence, but no real authority
>The other guards looked to you for advice and direction, but you’d never make them salute you if they didn’t want to
>Doing that would make you like those stuffed-shirt commissioned officers
>Blech!
>Before you know it, you can hear the bell ringing
>A glance at the clock tells you that lunch must be ending
>Dang, you’d have to sneak some food from the kitchens later
>…or get a bunch of pudding using your vast abundance of vouchers
>Guards start to file into the room
>With each new arrival, a new shocked exclamation at the state of your face, and a new opportunity for Swing Shift and Close Watch to tell the story again
>A little while later, Cookies comes in
>”Hey guys, is- Boss! What happened to your face?!”
>You see Swing getting ready to launch into the story again and you hold up a hoof
“Got into it with Twitch while I was checking on him. On the bright side, there’s no way he’s getting out anytime soon. How was hanging out wi- uh, chaperoning Anon, Guardsmare Cream?”
>Her face lights up
>”Oh, it was fun! He taught me another cool thing! I wanted to show everypony! I need an apple though.”
>You cock an eyebrow
>An apple?
>One of the others has one he saved from lunch, and she takes it in her hooves
>With a look of deep concentration, she holds it tightly
>Suddenly the apple splits perfectly in half, and there’s a cry of surprise from everyone present
>Celestia’s flowing mane, you can hardly comprehend it yourself!
>How did she get so strong?
>You only left her with Anon for an hour and a half, and suddenly she can rip apples apart?!
>Close Watch puts voice to your disbelief
>”How did you do that?!”
>Cookies puffs out her chest in pride
>”It’s easy! There’s just a little trick to it…”

>You’re dreaming of floating in space with an adoring moon princess, so you’re Anon
>This time, you orbit the planet of the small horses as Luna points out constellations she’s made from where she’s snuggled up into your chest
>She’s able to manifest herself this time, since she was awake to begin dreamwalking just as you fell asleep
>”And that one, I made in honor of the first minotaur ambassador to Equestria! He was an amicable fellow. A bit overenthusiastic about the oddest things, but that just meant there was never a dull moment.”
>You smile as the stars seem to shine a little brighter under her watchful eye
>White rays of light even shoot out to connect the them, forming a picture of a minotaur
“It’s really pretty, Luna. Do you cause the stars to form, or do you arrange them?”
>She titters at that
>”Would that I were so mighty. No, I merely arrange them. If I had powers comparable to yours, I would make a star for you right now!”
>You feel a mix of regret that your life with her will essentially always be based on a lie, and the warm, giddy feeling that comes with liking someone who likes you back
“My powers are nothing to boast about.”
>She turns to face you, pressing her nose against yours as she smiles
>”Oh? I do not believe so.”
>You smile, squeezing her tightly as you speak in mock-admonishment
“And what does a silly pony princess know of the powers of the humans?”
>She squeals, pretending to struggle
>”Ahhhh~! Only what I have experienced in your arms, made clear by the testimony of a draconequus.”
>…what?
>She continues
>”Discord told me that you hold power over sensory perception, able to make lesser beings feel whatever you choose. Having been able to experience your lovely appendages myself, I had little choice but to believe.”
>…Wow, that’s actually a pretty good cover story
>You could totally pull that off!
>With a surge of confidence, you bury your face in her neck, running your fingers up her spine
“Heheheheh. Well, he isn’t wrong. But I could hardly call you a lesser being.”
>Luna shivers and moans softly, and you feel her bury her nose in your hair
>”Mmmmm…”
>You keep teasing her, dragging your fingers through her coat up and down her body
>She’s actually pretty toned
>You can feel the muscles in her back and around her wings tense as your fingers pass over them
“You seem a little tense, Luna.”
>”F-Forgive me- ah- I lack the poise- ooooo, yes! Right theeeeeerrrreeeaahhhh…”
>She squeaks as you find a particularly sensitive spot
>You pull away from her neck, giving her a little kiss
>Her breath hitches as she freezes momentarily, only to press against your lips with fervor
>That’s it
>You are going to make her melt
>Slowly, you break the kiss, eliciting a whine
“Here. Let me help you relax, little moon.”
>Her face flushes at your pet name, and she moans as you begin pressing your fingertips into her back, rubbing in strong, slow circles
>Little by little, you cover the length and breadth of her, and she slowly dissolves into a puddle of pleased princess in your arms, perfectly relaxed
>She nuzzles your neck weakly as she tries to respond
>”Ah… I… dearest Anon, that… I’ve never… Ohh…”
>You just smile, wrapping one arm tightly around her while the other begins slowly scratching behind her ears
“No time for one of the supreme rulers of Equestria to get a massage?”
>”Such things are… frivolous. Too much to be done, too many ponies depending on us… And there is always such a hubbub when sister and I leave the castle. Always ponies following, watching… I abide it, but do not enjoy it.”
“Hm. I guess I’ll only be able to spoil you when we’re alone.”
>She wraps her forelegs around your upper body, murmuring into your neck
>”…I never said that."
>You chuckle, running your fingers through her long hair
>Or mane, you guess it would be
>Time passes in happy silence and you watch the constellations and galaxies pass by
>Luna’s hypnotic mane and tail blend into the void around you, and stars seem to flow outward from them
>”…for you.”
“Huh?”
>”I-I wish to make a constellation for you.”
>Awwwww
“I’d love that!”
>She giggles happily, rolling over so her back rests against your chest
>You feel her take hold of the both of you, and you cease orbiting the planet, instead moving swiftly to hover hundreds of miles above its north pole
>Luna surveys the stars all around you, slowly rotating
>”Hmmm… Ah, there is a lovely spot. You will be visible on most nights if I put you there!”
“Will moving stars here move them in the real world?”
>”Ah, no. I wish to create it with you! I will make it reality when we awake."
>Your heart melts
>She spends a good while picking out choice stars for you, those that have yet to be built into any constellation
>”Now how shall we portray you, my sweet?”
>You squeeze one of her hooves as you ponder that
>You think about all the constellations she showed you earlier
>All were resplendent, especially to a pair of eyes that had never seen them before
>Still, maybe you could bring a bit of Milky Way beauty to the table
“Can you arrange those three in a line?”
>”Certainly!”
>Under your direction, Luna guides the stars into place, forming a sort of Orion knockoff
>Luna giggles at the flexing arms you have her draw, reaching to squeeze one of your biceps
>Your star artist is swift in her work, and a shining image of you adorns the night sky in what feels like minutes
>The moon princess rolls back over, keeping one eye on her latest creation as she gives you a peck on the cheek
>”Mmmm. Very dashing. It shall make an excellent addition.”
>You return her little kiss, happy as can be.

>You have learned some secondhoof god knowledge from your subordinate, so you’re probably Brass Badge
>You also learned that Anon went back to his room for a nap, which means you’ve got some free time
>You weren’t much of a napping pony, and it had been a while since you’d last been able to deliver a report to Warden Sharp personally, so that’s what you decided to do
>Her office isn’t far from the guardroom, so you bid farewell to the others and trot over
>You knock on the door and get an immediate response
>”Come in!”
>The faint scent of Warden’s perfume graces your nostrils as you close the door behind you
“Good afternoon, ma’- ahem, Warden.”
>She smiles from behind her desk, gesturing for you to sit
>”Hello, Brass! How is everything? …What happened to your face?”
>You recount the whole sorry story, earning a gasp
>”Oh dear… Twitch has always been so tricky to handle. But I’m so glad you’re alright. Can I get you some juice?”
“No, thank you. I just wanted to give you my report in person. I just feel like we… haven’t gotten to chat in a while, what with recent events. Don’t you think?”
>Her smile widens
>”Absolutely!”
>A pair of juice boxes levitate out of the little refrigerator she keeps in the corner of her office
>She takes one, punching the straw through while setting the other aside
>”Now, tell me everything! How is security on Twitch? Do you think he’ll get out again? And how is our friendly red suit?”
>You start simply enough, telling her how you extended Twitch’s room confinement until the end of the week
>How Anon’s gang has actually caused /less/ trouble under his leadership
>Well, the cooking club never really did that stuff in the first place, but the weights club has gone without a write-up for days now
>Before you know it, you’ve been talking for 10 minutes straight
>Warden just sits and smiles, resting her chin on her hooves while she listens
>You feel a little parched and your eyes drift to the second juice box on Warden’s desk
“May I-?”
>The sentence is halfway out of your mouth when the little box floats to you
>”Of course.”
>You punch the straw through and take a sip before continuing
>About how much fun you’ve had with Anon, at first, but the conversation eventually meanders
>This always happens when you talk with Warden, but only with her
>Normally you’re a pretty quiet pony
>But Warden seems to know just what questions to ask, just what little comments to make to draw more out of you
>And she always has at least two juice boxes in her fridge, somehow
>”It sounds like everything’s going smoothly. And you seem happier, which makes me happy!”
>O-Oh
>You’re never sure how to respond when she gets like this
“T-Thanks.”
>You look down and take a long sip on your juice box to hide your mild embarrassment
>Now that she mentions it, though…
>You’ve always been curious why she hired you
>She knew why you left the guard, and yet she still took you on
>You haven’t questioned it all this time because you didn’t want to make light of her kindness, but it’s been two years
>Maybe now you can finally get an answer
“Warden?”
>You catch her mid sip, and she tilts her head inquisitively
>”Mhm?”
“Why did you let me have this job?”
>She gives you the same look Anon gave you after you said you weren’t a good pony!
>Why do you keep getting that look?!
>Setting her juice box down on her desk, she looks into your eyes
>”Because you were far and away the most qualified. What brought this on? Do you not like working here?”
“No, not at all! I mean, yes I do. Very much. But why me? When I first came here, I was nothing but a criminal.”
>She doesn’t say anything for a while, just searches your face
>But instead of a rebuke or a denial, her eyes just soften
>”Do you still see yourself that way?”
“I was charged with war crimes, Warden. My views on it don’t matter. I was only able to leave the guard in good grace because the captain and Her Majesty allowed me to step down. What other way is there to see myself?”
>She rubs a hoof against her temple
>”Have you ever noticed that truly bad ponies never see themselves as bad ponies, Brass?”
“Well, yes. I’ve seen plenty of those. But just because I acknowledge it doesn’t make it go away.”
>”Certainly not. And while it was only a single mistake, it was still a grave one. But the fact that you know that, feel genuine remorse, and want to make up for it tells me everything I need to know, you absolute goof.”
“H-Hey! That’s uncalled for, I’m not a g-“
>She leans across her desk and takes your free hoof in hers before you can finish your sentence
>”You are an incurable goofball. It’s why I can’t leave you alone, or you’ll start telling everyone ridiculous things like you’re a bad pony.”
>Well, she’s not wrong
>But you didn’t tell /everyone/, just Anon!
>”I understand your feelings. And I hired you partly because of them. The Brass Badge that I remember is an incredibly driven pony who lives to protect others…”
>Her smile returns
>”…yet is also incredibly dense and unable to tell how others feel about him.”
>You stutter and avert your eyes, unsure of how to respond
>You weren’t expecting a response like this
>Your face flushes as you manage to grumble out a reply
“…’M not dense.”
>Warden just giggles, releasing your hoof
>”If you say soooo~.”
>You hurriedly finish your juice and rise
“W-Well, if it’s all the same to you, ma’am-“
>Warden clears her throat, cutting you off with a look
>You realize your mistake
“Er, Warden, I’ll resume my duties.”
>She stands too, circling around her desk
>You only have time to turn and properly face her before she has you wrapped in a hug
>”Don’t, and I mean /don’t/, ever think you’re a bad pony, Brass Badge. A stallion who made a mistake, yes. But there isn’t an ounce of badness in you.”
>Your shoulders slowly relax, and you return your old friend’s embrace
“…Thank you, Sharp.”
>She hums happily
>”There. It wasn’t so hard to use my old nickname, now was it?”
>You smile sheepishly, gently pulling away from the embrace
“I’ll make a mental note for the future.”
>Suddenly feeling better than you have in a long time, you snap to attention
“Guard Overseer Brass Badge, seeking permission to return to duties!”
>She laughs, returning the gesture
>”You are dismissed, Overseer!”
>You perform a neat about-face and stride out the door
>As you turn to close it you see Warden has returned to her seat, smiling at you
>You manage to return it before the door hits the jamb
>Right
>That’s enough wallowing in old feelings for the day
>Back to work!
>Let’s go take care of some papers until nap time is over

>You've seen some things, so you're Hat Trick
>You lie on your bed in your cell, still quivering slightly after your ordeal in the ultra-high security wing
>Meowing manticores, that was the most scared you've been in your whole life!
>But you haven't given up hope
>Twitch is a nutcase, no doubt, but he can still be reasoned with
>He's sure to help you if you help him first
>You just need to get that key off of the Overseer somehow...
>But how?
>Brass Badge is almost as scary as Twitch is
>You saw him throw that nose punch like it was nothing!
>Normal ponies don't do that!
>Your resolve to get the nurse with the nice butt only intensifies
>A mare like that doesn't belong in a place like this!
>You slowly compose yourself, newfound determination steadying you
>You need a plan to get Twitch out of his cell
>But the Overseer has the key, and keeps it on a necklace...
>But there has to be a way!
>Maybe if you talk to the other guys in the polo club, you can come up with something
>It’s just like mom always told you
>Nothing is impossible
>You slip under the covers, switching your lamp off
>Maybe a bit of sleep would help you
>You’ll get that dumb human yet!
>Well, not you, but it’ll be you in spirit

>Some time later, you are that same dumb human
>And something isn't quite right
>Your eyes slowly open, having been pulled from your dream
>Luna had been just as confused as you were
>Whoever was waking you up was probably going to get a royal tirade
>Or so you thought
>When you awake, the first thing you notice is how perfectly still Luna is in your arms
>Even her mane isn’t flowing
>The next thing you notice is the clawed hand on your shoulder
>”Wakey wakey, loverboy. You owe me an answer.”
>You twist around, grumbling at the floating draconequus beside your bed
“Right this fucking instant? C’mon, man. Luna and I were-“
>He rolls his eyes, holding up a paw and making a face
>”Please! I’d rather not know. And yes, right now. You’ve kept me waiting long enough. Up you get.”
>With a snap of his fingers, reality smash-cuts to his “office”
>You land on what serves as the floor with a thump, waking you fully
“Oof! Alright, alright! Answer’s yes! I’ll take care of the orb and... whatever the other thing is. In exchange for a couple things.”
>Discord snickers, watching as you rise to your feet
>”God powers and immortality, right? Waaaaaay ahead of you, my boy. And I’m gonna have to draw the line at the first one. You don’t need ‘em.”
>You glower at him, folding your arms as you stand up straight
“What kind of garbage is that? I’m about to go off doing something that you presumably can’t take care of yourself, and you won’t even make me a deity for it? That’s bullshit Discord.”
>His rear legs touch down and he stands before you, towering high above as he replies calmly
>”You’re already godlike by pony standards. I don’t need to change anything about what you’re capable of. I’ll make you immortal, sure. That’s easy. But I don’t need you running around trying to reshape this world in your image. And don’t tell me you wouldn’t.”
“…That’s fair. There’s one more thing, though.”
>The serpentine chaos god cocks an eyebrow, intrigued
>”Oh? Something I didn’t anticipate? Delightful! Go on, then.”
>You tell him
>He stares at you, but begins chuckling slowly
>”Whoa-hohoho! That’s quite an endeavor. I won’t say it’s impossible, but it’ll be tricky. If you fulfill your end of the bargain though, I’ll make it happen. Scout’s honor!”
>He throws up a Cub Scout sign
>You’re a bit too used to him knowing stuff he shouldn’t to be shocked, but you snort as you return it
“Good enough for me. Anyways, since I’m committed to this, can you answer some questions now?”
>”Suppose it’s the least I can do. Ask away!”
“Why can’t you just snap this thing away? You literally pulled me from another world, so why can’t you send this thing to another?”
>Discord whistles, giving you a brief round of applause
>”How astute! I was kind of expecting you to just roll with things after securing your supply of princess rump, but sure, I’ll tell you.”
>He turns about and begins walking, gesturing you to follow even though he’s not really going anywhere
>You fall in step beside him
>It’s surreal, to feel yourself moving forward but register no change in your surroundings
>Until he snaps again, and now scenery begins floating by
>”So, to begin, entities created in Equestria cannot leave. This is true for anything native to this plane, including me. I technically exist in all planes since I’m a personification of the force of chaos, but I can’t assume a living form in any world but this one.”
>You nod
>”The entity we’ll be dealing with is actually two creatures from this plane. They both feed off emotions in their own unique way, which is how they eventually found the orb. The nastier of the two got to it first, and when the other one showed up she wound up becoming an involuntary vessel. Nasty business.”
“So they… fused?”
>”Not irreversibly. But yes.”
>Greeeeaaat
“So even if you’d tried to send them… it… whatever-“
>”It would have failed. As twisted as they have become, they’re still a part of Equestria.”
“Why, though? Why would that ever be a thing?”
>He shrugs
>”You’d have to ask Faust.”
“So… How do I go about this?”
>”Just touch them. The worse of our two evils exists almost entirely as a magic entity; she’ll be damaged just by being in contact with you. Get them in a good chokehold or one of those crazy wrestling moves you know, and it’ll be over in minutes. The other one will be incapacitated for a while even after she’s freed from the other’s influence.”
>Huh
>That doesn’t sound too hard
“Alright. Thanks for the advice.”
>”Sure. Anything else?”
“When should we do this?”
>”As soon as possible.”
”Give me until the day after tomorrow?”
>”Uuuuuugggggghh. If you must. Settle your affairs and prepare yourself, because this will probably be the most dangerous thing you’ve done, period. Not just since coming here.”
>We’ll just see about that
“Will do. Can I cuddle my moon princess now?”
>Another loud snap, and you’re back in your still-frame prison cell
>A perfectly Anon-shaped space lies between the blanket and the mattress, Luna curled up against where your chest was
“…Jesus, you can stop time?”
>He stretches, popping his back casually
>”Indeed I can. Easy to do when you’re a real god.”
>You shoot him a wry glance, but he just laughs
>”Awww, don’t be like that, Anon old pal. We’re going to be good friends. We’re two chaotic peas in a planar pod, you’re the Slaanesh to my Tzeentch!”
>A smile forces itself on your lips as you carefully slip back into the space you left behind
“Heheheh. Slaanesh because I rub bellies and scratch ears, huh?”
>”Precisely, you mare-izer, you. And we’ll be meeting Khorne soon enough. Sleep tight!”
>And with that most discomforting of farewells, he’s gone
>Luna sniffles, waking moments later as time begins flowing again
>”Mmmph. Anon? Why did you awake…?”
>You whisper softly, running your fingers through her mane to lull her back to sleep
“I have a hard time staying asleep sometimes, that’s all. You don’t need to worry, Luna. Everything’s alright. Let’s go back.”
>She hums, nuzzling your cheek
>”As you say… All is well…"

>You are…
>Well, almost everypony just calls you Twitch
>No one seems to remember your real name anymore, and you’ve given up correcting them
>You’ve been in this prison for nearly two whole weeks
>There are times when you think the entire world has forgotten you
>But it isn’t so bad
>It was definitely scary at first, but you tended to scare away the other scary inmates, so it sort of balanced out
>Being in here keeps others from bothering you, too
>The only downside is that there isn’t much to do in your cell
>The guards don’t let you get books from the library anymore
>Instead, you just do pushups
>And leg bends
>And every exercise you can think of, plus some that you made up
>It’s gotten to the point where you don’t think you’d lose to any of the weights club members, if it came down to it
>The soreness in your nose from where the head guard struck it still hasn’t gone away, so you begin your usual exercise routine to take your mind off the ache
>Your body works almost automatically while you think
>What does a hyumin even look like?
>You didn’t learn about anything like that in school
>Would you know him when you saw him?
>And how does he get ponies to like him?
>What’s his secret?
>You have to know!
>You visited every club you could before you were sent to solitary time-out, but it never went right
>Even the racing club, which had been your best hope
>You were quick on your hooves and more so in flight, but you just can’t control yourself around other ponies anymore, so they always get scared away
>Ma always said it was just because you were special
>But you haven’t seen her in so long, and you sure don’t feel very special these days…
>Some sweat falls out of your eye, and you whisper sadly
“I wanna go home.”
>You keep at it, training until your legs wobble beneath you
>Just one last exercise
>You’d only just recently gotten strong enough to do it
>You take a deep breath and push your wings against the elastic band holding them at your sides
>They gradually spread outward, stretching the rubber as far as you dare before you slowly bring them back in
>You repeat this until the muscles in your back ache too much to do it again
>You stumble over to your bed and flop onto it
>You tremble and jerk against the soft mattress, but sleep eventually overtakes your weary mind like it always does

>You’re washing ink off your hooves and just finished your stack of paperwork for the week, so you’re probably Brass Badge
>Your conversation with Warden made you feel a lot better about things, and you’d blown through the tedium with hardly a thought
>The swelling on your face had even gone down!
>And now it was nearly time for recess!
>Sitting in the sun sounded great, and maybe Anon would tell another story
>With pep in your step, you lock up your office and trot down the hall as the bell signaling the end of nap time sounds throughout the prison
>Time to go wake up your towering friend
>You get to Anon’s door and knock, but get no immediate response
>Wow, did he actually nap this time?
>You’ve seen him go an entire day without one, so you figured he just didn’t need it
>You usually took yours around this time too, but you were too motivated to sleep
>Your conversation with Warden probably cut into her nap time, though
>You hear noise from behind the door, and refocus as it cracks open
>A small, bleary eye peeks out, then a disheveled human sticks his head out
>”Hey, Brass. Glad you’re okay. Got a little worried when you didn’t get back for lunch.”
>Uh…
>You’ll tell him later
“Oh, you know. Things just sort of… took me by surprise. Need a few minutes?”
>He rubs his eyes, yawning
>”Yeah, yeah. Be right out.”
>Even eldritch deities can’t keep their manes tidy during a nap, it seems
>You sit and wait patiently, nodding to passing guards and keeping an eye on the prisoners filing out for recess
>Given all the excitement recently, some of them might get funny ideas
>There had been one incident weeks ago where prisoners got into the kitchen and ate nearly half of the pudding stores!
>Each and every one had the worst tummy ache, and it was nearly anarchy when the rest of the inmates were told they could only get one pudding per day until the next shipment arrived
>You wrinkle your nose at the memory
>They weren’t even getting mad at the right ponies, for Luna’s sake!
>It wasn’t like the guards did it!
>Your silent indignation is interrupted as the door opens, and you glimpse a flash of dark blue pulling away from Anon’s face as he steps out
>Huh
>Must be seeing things
“Ready?”
>He smiles down at you
>”Sure am. Let’s get outside.”
>Hey, he seems pretty upbeat too!
>Great!
>After all that commotion today, it’ll be nice to have a relaxing recess
>You shoulder the door open, and Celestia’s radiant sun warms you
>Another perfect day in Equestria
>Anon’s mighty band of convicts welcomes the both of you with shouts and waves
>You manage a diplomatic nod to the few prisoners who acknowledge you while Anon happily waves back as you both approach
>”Hey guys! What’s up? Feel like doing anything?”

>You’re glowering across the lawn at that towering monkey, so you’re Hat Trick again
>Gosh dang it, there’s even more with him than yesterday!
>You’d had an idea after your nap, but it might not work now…
>”Hey, Hat Trick, didn’t you say you wanted to challenge another club to a match today? Who’d you have in mind?”
>You turn to face the speaker, rubbing a hoof against your neck as you try to explain yourself
“Well… I wanted to challenge the weights club, but-“
>The other stallion, Sweet Shot, flails his hooves while he immediately shoots you down
>”Whoa whoa whoa! Absolutely not! I know you don’t much care for Anonymous, but that’s crazy! The weights club has all the meanest prisoners! They’d probably just break the rules!”
“But I-! I can’t just let this go! I have to-!”
>He puts a hoof on your shoulder
>”Hat, I think it’s really admirable that you’d stand up to those nuts, but challenging them to a polo match is just asking for trouble.”
>You stamp a hoof, trying to find the words without telling him everything
“No, Shot! It’s the best way! If they take us on and play fair, then we’ll win! But if they cheat and all the guards out here see, they’ll get in trouble! We’ll win even if we lose! Don’t you see?”
>Distracting Brass Badge is also your only hope for getting Twitch’s key, but you haven’t shared that detail
>Because you already know it’s a dumb and crazy idea
>But it’s the only way!
>Who else could possibly scare Anonymous?
>You look Sweet Shot in the eye, making a last-ditch effort to convince him
“Please, Shot? Pretty please?”
>He looks down at the ground, biting his lip as he considers
>But when he looks up, he wears a small, confident smile
>”Alright, what the hay. I guess it would be pretty cool to be able to say we beat them at something.”
>Yes!
>You knew you could count on him!
>The pair of you trot over to where the rest of the polo club sits in a circle, stretching and warming up
>Sweet Shot speaks
>”Alright, team, we’re doing something special today. I know a lot of you have gotten tired of playing against each other all the time, and Hat Trick proposed we play a game against another club.”
>Everypony looks interested!
>”That sounds like fun! Who do you have in mind, Hat?”
>Okay
>This might take a bit of convincing, but you’re almost there!
“The weights club!”
>…Aaaaaand just like that the enthusiasm is gone
>One of the mares looks around nervously
>”I-I dunno, Hat Trick. The weights club is a bit…”
>Others quickly join in
>”Yeah!”
>”Let’s play against a nicer club.”
>”Playing against muscle-heads like them wouldn’t be fun.”
>You have to raise your voice a bit to be heard over all the feedback
“Wait! Just think! There aren’t a lot of clubs that do physical activities, and how many of those others would actually want to go against us in a polo match? We’re the best polo players in this prison! Only the weights club would be cocky enough to do it! And plus, you guys don’t need to be afraid of them! I’ll prove it to you! They’re just normal bullies!”
>Even after your rousing speech, there’s still a lot of uncertainty
>A stallion replies
>”But… Remember what happened to Alexei? I don’t want to be attacked!”
“Of course I remember! But Alexei accepted Anon’s challenge, see? Instead, this will be Anon accepting our challenge! On our terms! We’ll show him a thing or two!”
>And that cute nurse too, if she watches!
>Things are starting to look up
>Smiles appear here and there
>”I’m in!”
>”Me too!”
>”Let’s do it!”
>YES!
“Okay, let’s go talk to them!”

>You are chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool with your homies, so you are undoubtedly Anon
>Man, if there’s a way for you to feel any better at this moment, you don’t know what it is
>Your dreams with Luna were a potent combination of fun and cuddly, and you got to kiss her a bunch in the waking world before you had to leave for recess
>You gave her the pair of feathers you took from Alexei
>Just like you’d hoped, she was delighted
>The fact that your sweet, adoring moon princess is so metal by pony standards tickles you to no end
>And now, you got to hang out with a band of happy little creatures who think you are just the coolest damn thing
>feelsgoodman.jpug
>You’re chatting with Viktor the griffon and the minotaur siblings, others clustered around you
>You hear voices from the edge of the group
>”Boss! Boss! You’ll never believe this! Get a load of these hotheads!”
>Sand Stone jostles through the crowd, still laughing
>”The polo club wants to challenge us to a match!”
>After a moment of silence, guffaws and hoots go up from your crowd, and you see a flustered-looking stallion at the head of a group of ponies standing just a little ways off from the edge of your circle
>You get up to go talk to them, and the other leading figures in the gang follow
>Steel Trap inspects them while Steel Eye pipes up before you can get a word out
>”Well now. I think you got the wrong guys, polo club. We aren’t the ones you want if you're actually intending to win this match.”
>Their leader fires right back, his burnt orange coat standing out among the others
>”Yeah? Well just because you’re strong doesn’t mean you’re good at sports, big mouth! We only challenged you guys ‘cause you’re the only ones dumb enough to take it!”
>Steel Eye snorts, and you see various other members of the weights club rear up and flex
>”How about you back up that trash, little pony?”
>”You bet I will! Our best four against your best four! Here and now! Tell everypony out here that the polo club’s gonna teach you goons a lesson!”
>You chuckle softly at the exchange
>A hoof tapping on your leg draws your attention to Brass, and you kneel down
“What is it, bro?”
>He gives the mouthy polo player a sidelong glance while he whispers
>”Be careful with that guy. His name’s Hat Trick. I’m not entirely sure, but I think he’s got something to do with Twitch.”
“Is he his henchman?”
>Brass snorts derisively
>”If he is, he’s the most incompetent underling I’ve ever seen. Still, just keep an eye out okay?”
“Sure. Thanks for the heads up.”
>You stand again, to see that Magnolia and Sand Stone have joined in the roast on your side while other ponies have begun piping up on the polo side
>Magnolia crosses her arms, chest sticking out prominently
>”And why do you weenies suddenly feel brave enough to challenge us at sports, huh? I bet this was your idea, Hat Trick. You mad that Nurse Touch hangs out with us instead of you?”
>Wait, what?
>Hat Trick sputters
>”S-Shut up! Everybody knows your whole club are just a bunch of meatheads who only care about muscles! And ponies have seen you make goo-goo eyes at your ‘boss!’ I think I know why you /really/ follow him around, Magnolia!”
>Some laughter comes from the polo team
>You kind of knew, but your cheeks still flush a little
>You can see pink touching Magnolia’s face too, but Sand Stone comes to the rescue
>”So the boss is a good-looking guy, Hat Trick! When’s the last time a girl ever sat with you at lunch, huh?”
>You stifle a laugh, but the other lifters aren’t so polite
>It’s hard to see under his coat, but you think Hat Trick’s properly embarrassed now
>”W-Whatever! Let’s do this already! Overseer, open up the storage area so we can get the equipment and cones!”
>Brass gives him a look, and Hat Trick wilts under his stare
>”I’ll allow this match because I think it will be good fun, but I don’t suggest trying to order me around again Inmate Trick. Now come along, everyone.”
>You smile as the rowdy inmates simmer down and form a neat, orderly group behind Brass
>No matter what happens, he’s still the head guard
>You fall in step alongside him as he leads you around the corner of the building
>Rounding the corner, you see a big prefab shed set against the side of the main building
>The thing’s almost a small barn, with a small combination lock keeping it shut
>Brass fiddles with it, twisting the dial this way and that before it opens with a click
>Inside is an absolute treasure trove of sports equipment
>You don’t even recognize some of this stuff
>The polo and weights clubs begin working together to pick up a bunch of mallets, cones and jerseys to carry outside outside
>You just do your best to not be in the way, since you don’t know how to set the game up
>You don’t even know how to play polo
>You aren’t too worried though
>If it’s just a marshmallow horse version of the Earth sport, then it’s pretty unlikely to be difficult
>As ponies, three minotaurs, and a smattering of griffons begin moving around the recess yard in a flurry of activity, you lean against the shed as Brass shepherds the stragglers out of the shed
“Have you ever played polo, Brass?”
>”Not really. I was more of a hoofball guy. It’s pretty simple though! You’re on a team of four, and you have to hit the ball into the goal with your mallet. You can’t hit it with anything else, and you can’t hit other players, obviously.”
>So like croquet but with one ball, two wickets, and teams
>Neat
>As you walk back from the shed, you see that the polo club does quick work
>The playing field has already been drawn out with cones, and your club mates are seated in a tight circle on one side while your opponents are on the other
>Other inmates have begun to wander over as well, drawn by the spectacle
>Steel Eye waves you towards the circle, and everybody scoots over to make you a spot
“Alright, so, who wants to play?”
>There’s a chorus of “me’s” and a lot of flailing limbs, so you decide to pose another question
“Who’s actually played polo before?”
>Almost every raised hoof, hand, or claw goes down
>Only Sand Stone remains, her chest puffed out in pride and hoof raised high
>“I have! Trust me Boss, it’ll be easy. I can shoot for the goal from midfield!”
“Whoa, really? And you score from there?”
>”Yeah! I did it one time!”
>Oh god, she’s that kid who just blindly kicks the soccer ball as hard as she can in the general direction of the goal
>But you can’t bring yourself to rain on that parade, she looks so pleased with herself
“Heheh. Good for you Sand. Alright, her and I make two. Give me two more who are confident in their skills for our first lineup and then we’ll make reserve teams.”
>Once again you are swamped with eager volunteers
>You choose two of your more level-headed gangsters, Magnolia and Vik
>You go through the ranks until you have 9 entire reserve teams
>There’s no way they’ll all get to play, but at least they have a place
>Brass calls their attention after you’ve finished
>”Alright, listen up inmates! I’ll be calling some more guards out to keep a watch, and will personally officiate the match. Once we get everyone who wants to watch out here and sat down, the game will begin.”
>Wow, this is turning into a real event
>You’re getting kind of excited!

>You're a groggy nurse horse, so you're Caring Touch
>That was a great nap!
>There seems to be something going on, though
>There's a lot of chatter in the hallway
>You open the door and peek your head out
>Warden is making her way down the hallway, a group of guards in tow
>She smiles as she passes
>"Hello, Caring! Are you coming to watch the game?"
"Uh, what game ma'am?"
>"The polo match! It seems two clubs have decided to spend their recess playing a game. The guards will be refereeing, and everyone is free to come!"
>Playing sports without a nurse present?
>What are they thinking?!
"Just a moment! I'll grab my first aid kit!"
>You don your nurse cap and load your kit into some saddlebags then hurry out to rejoin Warden's group
>You, Warden, and the other staff arrive outside
>Sure enough, there's a field set up and everypony's gathered around it
>As you get closer, you recognize who's playing
>Anon!
>The weights club must be one of the teams!
>You break away, galloping over to his side of the field
>He sees you coming and smiles
>Your cheeks redden as you smile back
>"Hi, Caring. Come to watch?"
"I'm here because you aren't supposed to play sports without medical staff present, you goof! But yes. I'd love to watch."
>He chuckles
>"It'll be fine. It's not even a contact sport."
>What's that supposed to mean?
>Before you can ask, you hear Overseer Badge's booming voice cut through all conversation
>"Alright, let's begin! Teams to the center!"
>Anon gives you a quick ear scratches he turns to go
>"That's my cue. Wish me luck!"
>You smile through the butterflies in your chest
"Be safe! I'm rooting for you!"
>He jogs off, followed by some weights club members you recognize
>The four of them line up across from the other team
>Your eyes narrow at the sight of an orange stallion trying to catch your eye
>Ugh, it's Hat Trick...
>You suppose it makes sense he's playing
>He waves, but you just stick your tongue out in response
>He just takes in stride, turning to look at Anon's team with something that looks suspiciously like scorn
>Your nose scrunches
>He'll get his!
>Anon's going to kick his butt!
>They're too far away for you to make out what's being said, but you see Anon and the captain of the polo team shake hooves
>Well, hand and hoof
>You forget his name
>Doesn't matter anyway
>You don't need to know his name to treat his hurts
>You have a fresh box of band-aids in your kit and plenty of disinfectant cream
>You're a prepared, confident nurse ready to ease pain and bandage boo-boos!
>Ooooh, it's starting!
>The Overseer threw the ball in!

>You're a human splaying a sport for horses against other horses, so you must be Anon
>And wow, this got really hectic really fast
>Once Brass rolled the ball between the teams everybody just fucking dove on it
>One of the polo club guys got it pretty good, sending it off towards your goal
>You chase after it, your long legs keeping you ahead of the pursuing ponies
>You give it a quick whack in the opposite direction
>It rolls between your opponents' hooves, and they nearly crash into each other
>The crowd gasps
>You can't help but snicker
>They didn't even touch each other yet the audience is reacting like someone got laid out
>Sand Stone has the ball now
>And just like you expected-
>WHACK
>She slams it as hard as she can, and it sails off
>Right into the out-of-bounds
>Brass blows a little whistle
>"Ball goes to the polo club!"
>Your teammates groan and Sand Stone rubs the back of her neck with a nervous smile
>"Uh... Heh... Just warming up?"
>Vik rolls his eyes while Magnolia admonishes her
>"Sandy, don't do that! You have to be close to the goal before you can shoot!"
>"Aw, come on! I can do it!"
>Right, time for some gentle guidance
"Sand, get at least three quarters downfield before you shoot. And don't hit it upwards. If it was rolling on the ground one of us could have stopped it from going out."
>"Oh... Okay Boss. Sorry."
"Don't sweat it. Here they come!"
>The orange guy hits the ball back into bounds and the game resumes in earnest
>You do your best to not knock anybody over when you charge in, but it's kinda hard when nearly everybody except Magnolia only comes up to about your waist
>You and your guys put up a good fight, but the polo team scores the first goal
>Some whoops go up from the other inmates watching, while the rest of the polo club on the sidelines goes absolutely nuts
>Your teammates look abashed
>Doesn't matter to you, though
>It's only one goal, and now it's time to get serious
>You huddle up with your team before you take over possession again
"Hey. It's just one. Might as well be nothing, right? No big deal. Let's give them one right back, lifters.”
>Vik bobs his head, some spirit coming back into his face
>"Anon's right. Don't tell me you're whipped already, Sand Stone?"
>"Not even, bird boy! I said I was just warming up!"
>Magnolia laughs, and just like that your guys are ready to play
>This time, you'll lead the attack personally
>A smile creeps onto your face as you step up to the center
>It sure isn't rugby, but playing a team sport with friends gives you that same pleasant feeling
>Brass rolls the ball in again, and this time the polo guys don't get anywhere near it before you take charge
>With light, controlled hits, you weave around a couple members of the opposing team before passing to Magnolia
>This time goes much better
>Sand manages to not just blindly shoot this time, going so far as to pass back to Viktor
>Then, with a single well-aimed shot, head griffon of the weights club lets out a victory screech as he scores for your side
>You give a whoop, jogging up for a fist-to-claw bump
"There! Perfect! See, guys? Just keep it under control and we've got this. I want to bury these guys in points!"
>That gets Magnolia and Sand going
>"Heck yeah!"
>"We'll teach them to make dumb challenges!"
>Viktor puffs out his chest
>"Hardly even a challenge. We could just start rotating in our other teams and we'd still win, I bet."
>That's not a bad idea
>You could do with a break after all that running anyways
>Cardio is not your strong suit

>You are Hat Trick, at the end of the first period of the game
>Everything is going wrong!
>They aren't cheating!
>And they're running circles around you!
>AND that cute nurse is here witnessing it all!
>Why is Anonymous so stinking fast?!
>And that griffon can shoot better than some of your own club members!
>Gosh dang it!
>You take some deep breaths, trying to focus
>You need to relax
>Winning the game isn't part of your plan, you just kind of assumed you would
>You look around for Brass Badge
>For this to work, you have to get the key from him
>Oh, found him!
>He's sitting next to Warden
>And he's taken his uniform shirt off!
>Since the key isn't hanging around his neck, it must be hidden in his shirt somewhere
>You just have to sneak up on him
>You trot over to Sweet Shot
"Hey Shot, can I sub out for a bit? I just need a quick rest."
>He raises an eyebrow
>"What, already? It's been a tough game, sure, but you've got more stamina than that Hat Trick."
>Uh oh
"W-Well... Uh... My hoof hurts! Yeah! Real bad! O-Owww..."
>Shot's eyebrow rises even higher
>He glances over to the other side of the field, then snickers
>"Ooooooooh, I get it. Hah! Sure, buddy. Go see that nurse you're so crazy about."
"S-Shot! Come on!"
>"I don’t know why you think it's a secret, Hat. Well go on! Tag somepony else in and go get her!"
>You trot away, totally not blushing, and hand off your jersey and mallet to your substitute
>You canter around the field to the other side
>Anonymous is sitting with cute nurse...
>You growl
>Soon, monkey!
>Twitch is going to get to you!
>You do your best to look casual as you sneak up behind the warden and the overseer
>They're sitting away from the others
>Huh
>Warden's taken off her jacket too
>You've never actually seen her without it on
>You hear Warden speaking as you sneak in closer
>"Our conversation earlier got me thinking. I realized we don't spend much time together aside from our little chats in my office! It's such a shame, don't you think? Especially considering how things have been in the prison recently."
>"I-If you say so, Sharp. I just don't want to distract you from your work. A-And showing favoritism to an employee is improper!"
>"Heehee. Oh, Brass. You're not just any employee to me."
>She's...
>She's leaning against him now
>You feel your face turn red as a tomato as you slowly crawl towards the head guard's neatly folded shirt, placed just behind him
>In the meantime, you have to listen to Brass Badge, one of the scariest stallions in this prison, stutter like a colt
>”I- Uh- W-Well… Thanks…”
>Warden giggles again
>You shouldn’t be hearing this
>You wish you weren’t hearing this
>I-It’s such a mushy conversation
>You’re flat on your belly, patting down Mr. Badge’s shirt as fast as you can to find the hidden key
>There! Something’s inside!
>You clumsily reach inside and fumble around but nothing’s there!
>What kind of sorcery is this?!
>You can feel it!
>You can feel the shape of the key!
>Why can’t you grab it?
>It feels like it’s in a pocket, but you can’t find the opening!
>Nuts!
>You begin to sweat from the pressure
>One backwards glance fro either of them, and you’re in for it!
>You’re halfway inside the shirt at this point, just trying to find the dang thing
>Warden’s talking again
>”Did you ever think of me when you were in the guard?”
>”Of course I did!”
>”You never wrote…”
>”W-Well… I was busy. You know that. I thought of you, though. More than any-“
>Brass suddenly stops talking
>You know why
>You know without even looking
>If you were about to say something so embarrassing your face would probably melt right off
>Warden won’t let it go, though
>There’s a weird, low tone to her voice that you’ve never heard before
>”More than what…?”
>You can’t stand this anymore!
>You feel dirty just being here!
>Argh, Celestia curse it all!
>You finally find the pocket’s top and rip it open, a button popping off in your fervor
>With key in hoof you crawl as fast as you can away, cheeks beet red from secondhoof embarrassment
>But you did it!
>The heavy iron key sits clutched in your hoof
>This is it
>With this, you can finally talk to Twitch and bargain with him!
>You hurriedly pocket the key and begin making your way back around the field
>You just have to hope the Overseer doesn’t notice it’s gone before tomorrow…

>You’re still Hat Trick
>You make your way back towards your cell after dinner, trembling in anticipation
>It doesn’t matter that you lost the game
>It doesn’t matter that the cute nurse left with Anon, smiling and laughing all the way
>None of it matters!
>At least, not after tonight
>You’ll sneak back to the ultra-maximum security wing and open Twitch’s door
>And then you’ll finally have somepony strong enough to get that ape!
>Well, hopefully
>Maybe
>He’s a weird alien that’s super strong
>But Twitch is famous for being scary!
>Even aliens get scared, right?
>You hid the key under your pillow the moment you got back to your cell after the game
>No one will ever find it there, even if the guards do find out it was taken
>The next few hours went by painfully slowly
>You ate your dinner so fast it nearly made you sick
>While normally that’d be a good excuse to go hit on the nurse, you have to focus
>You didn’t even make it all the way to his cell the last time
>This time, you have to get there /at night/
>The spookiest hours
>You shudder at the thought, willpower waning
>Is it really worth it?
>You’re conspiring to free a dangerous pony from his cell, and for what?
>Just to try to scare away Anon from your mare of choice?
>You arrive back in your cell and check under your pillow
>Yep, key’s still there
>You move to the bathroom for a glass of water to settle your stomach
>You drain the glass and look into the mirror, thinking
>You think back to the cafeteria
>Anon was surrounded by all his scary minions, as per usual
>And the nurse was with him
>She looked so happy…
>How come you can never get her to smile like that?
>You try your best, but nothing ever seems to work; then a weird not-minotaur shows up and sweeps her off her hooves?
>Your face hardens into a grimace so scary you almost make yourself jump
>You’re so angry, you could spit in somepony’s pudding!
>And then eat it, just to show them!
>If nothing else, maybe she’ll finally understand how far you’re willing to go for her!
>Mares like that stuff, right?
>Right!
>Filled with anger-energy, you wait out the final hour before lights-out, and a little longer for good measure
>You slip the key back into your pocket and peek out your door
>Coast seems clear
>You close the door and skitter down the hall, doing your best to make as little noise as possible
>The hallways are dark, with plenty of shadows to hide in as the guards make their last sweep before going home for the day
>Almost every guard leaves except for the Warden herself and Overseer Badge
>From what you saw this afternoon, you think you know why she made his job a live-in position…
>You shake your head to get the mushiness out
>You’re almost there
>This is the beginning of the black suits’ corridor, and just beyond that is the ultra-max security wing
>Just like you thought, it’s even worse at night
>You force yourself to keep putting one hoof in front of the other as you start seeing shapes in the shadows
>The high windows cast long pools of moonlight, criss-crossed by the panes
>You scamper from one to the other, trying not to look around too much
>If you lock up like you did last time, you’ll be stuck here all night and everything will be for nothing!
>At last, you reach the next wing
>There are no windows here
>The only light comes from the small bulbs over each door
>Somehow, that just makes it worse
>Thankfully the door you need is the only one that’s closed, so it’s easy to pick out from the row of yawning, empty doorways
>Taking a couple deep breaths, you creep forward to stand shivering before it
>You gingerly knock, but the soft impact barely makes a noise against the heavy door
>Maybe you should try something else
>You slide open the panel in the viewport and peer inside, but there’s nothing but black
>Does he not even have lights in his cell?
“Um…ah…hello…?”
>There’s no response to your whisper-shout
>You try again, louder
”Twitch? Are you there?”
>”What?”
>You shriek, leaping back before covering your mouth with your hooves and glancing either way down the hall
>After a few seconds’ wait, nothing stirs
>You return to the door, squinting hard
>A quiet gasp forces its way out of you
>Beyond the grille, a pair of dark brown eyes stare back at you, wavering slightly with each of their owner’s spasms
>You squeak out your prepared introduction
>”Do you, uh, remember me? I’m Hat Trick, from this morning. I-I-I can free you!”
>The floating eyes widen
>”You can? But why would you?”
“I need your help! You want to meet Anonymous right? Well, I need you to scare him for me! Make him stay away from the prison nurse!”
>The silent, unblinking stare you get in response to your demand makes you think it might be a better idea to leave him in there
>You tentatively ask again
”So… What do you say?”
>”I say your terms are silly. If you need to scare him away from the mare you like, then she probably doesn’t like you back in the first place.”
>Wha-
>”And I just want to talk to him. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’ve had enough scuffles to last me a lifetime.”
>Hang on-
>”How’d you get here anyway? It’s the middle of the night! You should leave. My door is locked, but the other black suits-“
>”Heard a scream, and were wondering what kinda weenie found his way in here.”
>Oh
>OH NO
>You weren’t as alone as you thought
>Snickering shapes surround you in the darkness
>This was easily the worst idea you’ve ever had
>You hyperventilate, trying not scream as you back up against the solid iron door
>Twitch growls at you
>”Open it.”
“W-What?! You just said-“
>”You want swirlies and wet willies until dawn? Open this stupid door. I’m the only one who can help you now.”
>One of the black suits laughs as you fumble in your pocket
>”Hahahaha! And how’s he going to do that, Twitch? You can’t do a thing, it’s not like he has-“
>You produce the key and hurriedly try to mash it into the hole
>”-THE KEY?!?”
>Suddenly hooves, claws, and hands grab hold of you all over, and the mean snickers turn to shouts and cries
>”No, don’t!”
>”Stop! You don’t understand what you’re doing!”
>”He’s even worse than we are!”
>”Swirlies aren’t even that bad, don’t be a baby! P-Please!”
>If they didn’t want him to get out they should’ve stayed in their rooms, the jerks!
>Here goes everything!
>An echoing click cuts through the noise
>The black suits scramble away, forming a nervous half-circle around the slowly opening door
>Even you, supposedly safe now, feel a pit of dread in your tummy as Twitch emerges from his cell to stand in the halo of his door light
>A spiky black mane that looks like it hasn’t been cut in ages flows over his shoulders, and his pineapple-yellow coat seems to gleam slightly in the bright light
>”My... /friend/ Hat Trick and I are going to have a chat. The rest of you may leave.”
>You hurriedly skitter to hide behind him as the other black suits begin muttering
>”We like chats. Who says we can’t stay and listen?”
>Twitch… well, twitches
>”I say so.”
>They start to edge closer
>Why are they coming closer?
>They can’t mean to-
>”Your one to our mob, Twitch.”
>The snickers begin to return, and you consider locking yourself in Twitch’s cell since he obviously doesn’t want it
>The yellow pegasus stallion just heaves a sigh
>”Argh, you dummies never learn! Fine. Try me.”
>A pony lunges into the light, pillow in hoof
>You aren’t quite sure what happens next
>Twitch rears, and his forelegs seem to just disappear!
>The attacking stallion’s face is surrounded by yellow blurs and his pillow flies off
>The owner himself isn’t too far behind, crying as he retreats
>You don’t even have time to register your confusion before another challenger pounces, a griffon this time
>He, too, is met with a pair of angry yellow blurs, his face getting slapped around hard before Twitch redirects him back into the shadows with a final whack
>You cower in the cell doorway, staring in awe as Twitch swats away every prisoner that challenges him
>After a few more smackings, the black suits stop coming, whimpering as they look uncertainly between one another
>Twitch makes their decision for them with a single growl
>”Scram.”
>With sobs and whines the black suits go away humbled, and you pick your jaw up off the floor
“That- That was amazing! I couldn’t even see what you were doing! Anonymous doesn’t stand a chance!”
>All you get for your praise is a withering look
>”I already told you I don’t want to fight him. Just talk. Anyhow, I need someplace new to sleep. Is it okay if I sleep in your cell?”
“Uh, sure… You don’t want to, say, go find Anonymous now…?”
>”Look, guy, I don’t like repeating myself. All I want is a conversation with Anonymous. No more. Well, maybe another chance to smack Brass Badge, but that’s not my point. What kind of impression am I going to make if I barge into his cell in the middle of the night uninvited? Your ma never teach you how to introduce yourself?”
>He’s…
>Mouthier than you thought he’d be
>You’re not dumb enough to talk back though
“No, you’re right! Tooootally right. Well, er, shall we go?”
>You’re able to distinguish a nod from the various other jerking motions he makes, so you start leading the way down the hall
>He closes the door to his cell, then follows
>An uneasy silence hovers over the both of you as you emerge from the black suits’ wing
>Well, if he’s so big into decorum, you might as well try to be polite and chat a little bit
“So, why are you so twitchy?”
>That sounded like a way better conversation starter in your head
>You risk a look back, only for your head to whip back around at the sight of Twitch’s disgruntled stare
>”Wow. Right out the gate, huh? Hmph. Ma always said there was no civilizing some ponies.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
>”Don’t worry about it. If you must know, I’ve been like this since I was young. The doctors couldn’t figure out why.”
>Oh
>Well then
>…
>You’re really bad at this

>You’re flopped on your bed, staring up at the ceiling and concerned about the future, so…
>Well, that could make you anybody, but you’re Anonymous
>The polo match was fun, but afterwards Brass told you about what happened with Twitch
>You’re not particularly worried about your ability to deal with him, but you’re not sure when Discord is going to call on you again
>You’d like to get him sorted out before you’re whisked away to fight
>Which brings you to what you’re actually nervous about
>You’re as tough in a punch-up as the next guy, but this isn’t going to be a punch-up
>You’re being hurled against something that supposedly feeds on the repressed malevolence of every cuddly creature that has ever existed in horseland
>You’re willing to fight to protect your friends and loving princesses, but you can’t see this going any other way but badly for you
>But then again, what else was new?
>Shit went badly for you all the time
>This sudden journey to a pastel paradise had been a break from a daily life full of hassle
>Just think of it as the last trial
>Perhaps the most dangerous, but also with the biggest reward
>You’ll be overcoming death itself, and netting eternity with Luna and Celestia
>You manage to smile at the thought
>These past days have been a whirlwind
>But you’d choose an eternity of that over the quiet, finite monotony of your old life
>And since Discord agreed to your final condition, the only thing holding you back has been taken care of
>You close your eyes and expel your doubts with a deep exhale
>Nothing to do now but take what comes
>Whatever this thing is, you’ll make it rue the day it ever thought it could fuck around with /your/ cuddly equines!
>You have chaos personified on your side
>That has to count for something, right?
>You stretch and pop your back, moving on to more pleasant thoughts
>Luna couldn’t afford to play hooky from work with you for too many nights in a row, so you might wind up alone tonight
>Hah, yeah right
>She’s literally your dream girl Anon
>She’s sure to come check up on your dreams anyway, even if she can’t stay long
>You remember your phone and pull it out from your bedside drawer
>Powering it on, you check the battery
>Still about 40%
>You turn on every power-saving option you can think of and then let some music play
>You sink back into your pillow and let familiar songs fill your head until you completely tune out, oblivious to the sound of your door opening and closing
>It’s been nonstop shenanigans and silliness since you got here
>You aren’t complaining, but it’s nice to have moments to just lay around and do nothing
“Man, this is nice.”
>”Oh, I completely agree! This cell has become a lovely retreat, of sorts.”
"Yeah… Wait-"
>You are shaken from your zen state by a great white pony laying herself across you, pastel mane constantly flowing just like her sister’s
>”Good evening, my love. How was your day?”
“Celestia! You startled me. My day went pretty well, all things considered. How was yours?”
>She adjusts herself until she’s flush to you, resting her chin on your chest
>You wrap an arm around her, rubbing the part of her back between her shoulders on instinct
>You remember too late that you’re molesting her, but all she does is coo
>”Oooooo. It was dreadfully dull, but I’ve gotten used to that. All is at peace, and I cannot wish for more.”
>You smile, continuing your rubs and pets
“Hah. I know what that’s like. At least it’s over with for now.”
>She hums happily, and you both just lay quietly, slowly getting more and more entwined
>In between songs, she cocks her head as if remembering something
>”Where is that music coming from? You do not have a gramophone that I can see, nor speakers.”
>You stretch an arm out, straining to reach from where you are but unwilling to move
>When you finally get ahold of your phone you bring it closer for her to see
“This. It has many things it can do, but I mostly use it to play music.”
>Celestia’s eyes widen
>”A relic from your home?”
“Indeed it is. It’s not particularly special, though.”
>”Perhaps not to you, but… May I see it?”
>You let Celestia hold it, turning it over in her golden magic aura before returning it to you
>”What else can it do?”
>A bunch of shit that you don’t really feel like explaining
>Oh, there’s one thing she’ll like though
“Lean in close and I’ll show you.”
>She doesn’t need any encouragement to press her cheek to yours, and you raise the phone over the both of you, camera facing down
>Celestia tilts her head in curiosity, and you decide there’d be no cuter pose to immortalize
>You press the button a couple times to be sure, then lower it to show her
>The two of you are captured onscreen, a grin on your face and mild confusion on Celestia’s
>She gasps, then laughs
>”How wonderful! May we take another?”
>The process repeats, but Celestia plants a surprise kiss on your cheek just as you take the shot
>The resulting image catches you red-cheeked
>Celestia giggles
>”There. I like that one better.”
>You laugh, setting the phone aside and kissing her back in return
“Cheeky princess. I like it too.”
>You rake your fingers through her chest fluff, earning you a throaty giggle and a nose pressed against the side of your neck
>After a few minutes of silence you whisper to her
“Celestia?”
>”Mm?”
“I… might disappear for a short time. Someday soon. Don’t panic when it happens, alright? I’ll be back. I swear.”
>She doesn’t respond right away
>She partially sits up, leaning her head over yours to look down into your eyes
>”Where will you be going?”
“To settle one final affair.”
>”Luna and I cannot accompany you?”
“Absolutely not.”
>She pouts
>”Will you at least tell me what it is…?”
“After it’s over.”
>She sighs, pressing her nose against yours
>”But you will return?”
“No matter what. Even if I have to crawl back.”
>Her large, magenta eyes seem able to read your own
>”Are you going into danger?”
“Well… Yes. But nothing that can stop me.”
>You hope
>She clambers atop you, resting her whole length along your body and burrowing her head between your neck and shoulder
>”Have you told Luna?”
“No. But I will.”
>”Good. I fear she will attempt to follow you regardless, but at least she’ll hear it from your mouth."
>You chuckle softly, running fingers through her tricolored mane
“And you won’t? Follow me, that is?”
>”No. Not immediately, at least. But I’ll only wait so long.”
“…What if you can’t find me?”
>She moves her head to make eye contact again, but this time it’s only with a single, fierce orb rather than the gently probing gaze of before
>”I will, dearest Anon. There is nothing that can keep me from you if I truly desire to find you.”
“Even if I can’t be affected by magic?”
>”Your resistance is powerful, certainly. I know the story of you shrugging off Warden Sharp’s stun spell. But I am not Warden Sharp. Even if it only lasts a moment, I will be able to feel you. And that will be enough.”
>She lays her head back down, but continues on in a hushed murmur
>”Nothing is completely impervious to magic. Not even one such as you. But that’s how it should be. Friendship is magic. And I know full well you are capable of both.”
>…
>You’re glad she can’t see your face, because your cheeks are probably vibrant right now.
>You wrap your arms around her and squeeze tight, eliciting a pleased sigh
“Thank you.”
>You feel lips press against your neck
>”I deserve no thanks for stating simple truth, Anon.”
“No, but telling me something I needed to hear nets you a little bit. Look at me.”
>Celestia turns her face to you, and you give her a brief kiss on the lips.
>The vibrant red that spreads across her face serves as a lighthearted retribution for her kiss picture
>”Oh! I… I wasn’t… Oh, you~!”
>As a happy, affectionate alicorn pins you beneath her, your heart swells
>Get ready to die, orb-fiend!

>You’re a notorious pony-smacker who spent the night on carpet, so you’re the one they call Twitch
>And today, finally, you’ll be able to talk to Anonymous
>Hat Trick’s still awfully fixated on getting the two of you to fight, and you’ve given up telling him that’s not what you want
>What’s he gonna do, /make/ you?
>Fat chance of that
>The guy’s scared of you, just like everypony else in this prison
>Except Anonymous, hopefully
>You don’t know what you’ll do if he runs away from you
>Is it possible to intimidate somepony into not being intimidated by you?
>Well, no point worrying about it yet
>You won’t be stopped today!
>Not by guards, not by other prisoners, and definitely not by that jerk Brass Badge!
>You rise up and stretch a little bit
>Your wings struggle fitfully against their restraints
>It’d be nice to get that off, even if it’s only until they catch you again
“Hey, Hat Trick-“
>You turn to ask your host to help you, but he’s still asleep
>Trotting over, you give him a couple shakes
“Hat Trick, wake up. It’s morning.”
>Your host murmurs, looking up at you groggily from his mattress
>”Wot…whozzat…”
>He rubs his eyes for a moment, then promptly snaps out of it
>”Oh! Twitch! Right, right, of course. Let me get ready and we’ll go find him!”
“Hang on. Before you do that, help me get this off. I’d like to stretch my wings.”
>You gesture to the big rubber band holding them in place
>Hat Trick hops out of bed, and with your instructions, the two of you manage to get the thing off
>The feeling of being able to stretch your wings after so long almost can’t be described
>You strain your feathery appendages as far as they’ll go, arching your back
“Aaaaaaahhhhhhh… That’s the ticket. Thanks.”
>Hat Trick’s eyes are wide
>”Wow… Even your wings look strong!”
>You feel a little proud at his compliment
“Thanks. There’s not much to do in my cell other than exercise.”
>You sit and wait as Hat Trick showers, and then you take the opportunity to do the same
>It feels nice to have some privacy while bathing
>After you were put in the ultra-max security wing, they’d take you outside and hold a hose up for you to shower under
>Once you’re all clean, Hat Trick offers you one of his spare uniforms
>He seems like a nice stallion when he’s not talking about harassing Anonymous
>Like right now
>”Okay, so, he always eats breakfast with his underlings, so we’re sure to find him if we just look for the biggest group of tables! Let’s hurry! I can’t wait to see the look on his face!”
>You don’t respond as you follow him out of his cell, but hurrying is the right idea
>They’ll know you’re out as soon as they bring food to your cell, which should be soon
>But you’ll have your answers today
>Your pulse quickens in anticipation

>You have questionable feelings towards your superior and need a bit of friend-to-friend discussion, so it’s likely that you’re Brass Badge on his way to get Anonymous
>Warden… No, Sharp was really pushy yesterday
>And you liked it
>But should you?
>Is it really okay?
>Somepony like you, with her?
>You always thought she’d find a company more special than you
>But you’ve been doing a lot more thinking recently
>You’ve been wrong about a lot of stuff
>Maybe you’re wrong about this too
>And if anyone knows, Anon will
>You arrive at his door and knock
“Hey Anon, it’s me. Ready for breakfast?”
>The door opens, revealing a fully dressed and ready Anonymous
“Wow, you’re up early!”
>”Hey Brass. I rose with the sun today.”
>He snickers
>Huh
>You don’t get what’s so funny about it, but being able to get up early is admirable
“Glad to hear it. Say, I was hoping to ask you something. Can we talk on the way to breakfast?”
>He calms, shutting the door and stepping out to join you in the hallway
>”Of course, man. What’s up?”
>You walk and talk
“Well… I’ve been thinking about stuff. About how I’m maybe not as bad a pony as I thought.”
>”That’s good. Because you aren’t. Why do you even think that, anyway? It seems to be really bothering you, so I’d like to hear the story. If it’s okay.”
>You suppose now is as good a time as any
“A few years ago, I… well… I broke somepony’s nose.”
>Anon sputters, turning to face you
>”Jesus, dude! Really? How did you even-?”
“I didn’t mean to do it. It just happened! We — that is, the Solar Guard — were sneaking into a changeling hideout to deploy stink bombs so we could get them to come out, but one of them found us. I chased him down in the tunnel before he could get too far. Didn’t even think. Just brought him to ground and… And…”
>You stomp one hoof
>”Right in the nose, huh?”
“Yeah. I felt it give. Felt blood on my hoof. I didn’t get what I had done for a second.”
>You shudder as the memories come back
>A changeling wailing and crying at your hooves
>One of your buddies trying to get you to look away
>Another screaming almost as loud as the changeling, horrified by what you had done
>You feel something touch you on the back of your head, and there’s an incredible sensation, scratching behind your ears
>You hear Anon’s voice, speaking quietly
>”What happened after that?”
“W-We got out. Mission was a wash. The changeling made too much noise. We chucked the stink bombs down any tunnel we could see and then ran for the surface. Everypony from our side got out alright. But it was my last mission. I couldn’t stand the thought of fighting anymore. I’d… I’d sullied my reputation in the Solar Guard. Thanks to the princess’ kindness, I was able to just walk away. But I’ve never felt right since.”
>Silence engulfs you at the end of your story, only the wonderful scratches filling your mind
>That, and a sense of relief
>You’d finally worked up the guts to tell the story again
>It had hurt the first time, telling it to Sharp
>This time, it felt kinda good
>But maybe that’s just the ear scratches
>”So, that’s all? Just wanted to get that out of your system?”
“No. I… want to tell Warden I like her too. I realized that if multiple good ponies — er, and one good human — tell me I’m not a bad pony, then I’m probably not. And if I’m not a bad pony, then… I should return her feelings.”
>There’s a whoop, and the ear scratches stop
>”My man! Hell yeah! I’m so proud of you right now, dude. I’m glad you figured that out. What happened must’ve been hard on you. But you’ve reflected on it, Brass. You genuinely regret it. There’s no point in denying yourself, and Warden for that matter, happiness just because of one mistake. I think you’re a cool guy, and Warden’s liked you all this time anyway!”
>…huh
>You know, that’s…
>A lot better than just being a salty cupcake
>You look up at your larger-than-life friend and smile
“Thank you, Anon. I’ll talk to her today.”
>"You sure will. I'd have bugged you until you did it even if you weren't planning on it. Hah, this is a great day and we haven't even eaten yet! C'mon, bud. Let's get a fat stack of pancakes to celebrate."
"You bet! If you don't mind, I'd like to go over what I should say to her, too."
>Anon wags a finger
>"I'll give you some advice, but I won't tell you what to say. That has to come directly from you."
"Aw, please? Just a bit?"
>"Not a chance. Just tell her what you want her to hear. That's the most important. Not what you think she wants to hear, but what /you/ want her to know about how you feel about her. Just give it some thought while we eat and you'll be fine."
>Gosh
>That's a bit...
>Just tell her?
>Your face gets a little heated
>Well, if Anon says so
"Okay. I think I can do that."
>Anon gives you a pat on the shoulder
>"I know you can. She's probably waiting for it too."
>Aw, ponyfeathers
>He's right
>She's probably been waiting all this time!
>Did she always know?
>Were you the only one who thought it couldn't happen?
>Gah!
>You drag a hoof across your face
"I'm sure she has. I'll try to make it up to her."
>"Don't worry about it too much. For her to not have moved on, you must mean a lot to her."
>Arriving at the doors to the cafeteria, the two of you enter
>Since it's still pretty early, the cafeteria is mostly empty right now
>A couple of red suits happen to catch your eye
>You think one of them is Hat Trick, but the other...
>There's something off about him
>You can't put your hoof on it
>He seems to be shivering a lot, too
>Huh
>You'll check on him later
>It's time for breakfast!

>You're a bottomless pit on two legs, so you're back to being Anonymous
>You made your pile of pancakes disappear with the rabid efficiency that marked you as a hungry college student
>You were considering going for another when someone gingerly pats your arm
>"H-Hello there."
>Turning to look, you see a pegasus looking up at you through a mess of black hair
>There's something strange, though
>He gives the impression that he's trying really hard to stand still
"Hi, guy. Need something?"
>The grin that splits his face is part relief, part mania, and all mildly disturbing
>"Yes, actually! Heh, I, uh, you know, was hoping for a chat. You're pretty famous and all."
>Guy's pretty brave, for a pony
"Sure. Pull up a seat. What's your name?"
>"Summer Squall! Good to finally meet you, Anonymous."
>He extends a hoof, and you give it a shake
"Good to meet you too, Summer."
>You return his shake, but notice something out of the corner of your eye
>The orange pony from the lacrosse game yesterday seems to have some interest in your conversation
>By which you mean he's staring at the two of you, rubbing his hooves together and smirking
>You hear Brass speak, too
>"...Don't I know you from somewhere, Mr. Squall?"
>The inmate tenses up
>"N-No. I mean, uh, you're the head guard and stuff. Of course you've seen me around."
>Brass scratches his chin
>"Hmmmm. Well... If you say so."
>You do your best to mask a snort as a cough
>There's clearly something going on here, and you think Brass just got hoodwinked
>Aw well
>You'll just get to tease him about it later
"So, what's up Summer? Looking to join the weights club?"
>"Oh, well, I already tried, but that's not what I wanted to talk about anyways. See, uh, I was wondering about... You're a pretty scary guy, right?”
>You raise an eyebrow
>Brass also leans forward to look past you, giving him a glower
>He quickly backtracks
>"I don't mean anything by it! I'm just saying, there was a time when-"
>"Hey Boss!"
>Before he can finish, the main bulk of inmates start flowing into the cafeteria, your gang members among them
>As quick as you can blink, table are moved closer to yours, and you are surrounded by eager, happy prisoners
>Before anyone can even get a word in edgewise, thought, Summer springs up, standing on the table and seeming to tremble in fervor
>"See! This! I was talking about this!"
"Yeah, the club. You said-"
>"No, not that! Your friends, Anonymous! How'd you get so many friends?!"
>You can't help but smile at his "predicament," if it can even be called that
"It's not too hard. Just have to get to know others and stick with the ones you like. Sit down, man, I'll introduce you."
>Summer reluctantly returns to his seat, and Steel Eye scrutinizes him
>"Huh... It's strange, but I get the feeling I've met you before."
>The club mutters its assent, most of them staring in curiosity
"Everybody, this is Summer Squall. He was hoping to hang out with us for breakfast."
>There's a chorus of "Hi, Summer Squall!" and the pegasus lets out a laugh
>The accompanying smile looks nothing like the last one
>That's pure happiness right there
>You turn to Steel Eye
"He says he once tried to join the club, Eye. That's where you know him from."
>"Whoa, really? When? I don't remember a pony with his name trying out."
>The minotaur siblings all turn to look at your visitor
>Who is now sweating visibly
>"Uh... Well... You know. I'm sure you guys were tired, right? And I didn't even get in anyway, so I can't blame you for not-"
>Suddenly, the door slams open, and a voice calls
>"Overseer! Is Overseer Badge in here!?"
>Brass immediately jumps to his hooves
>"Over here! What's the matter?"
>A guard sprints across the room so fast he almost wipes out on the linoleum as he comes to a stop
>He whispers frantically into Brass' ear
>Guardbro's eyes go wide, and he stomps a hoof in frustration
>"I /just/ checked him yesterday! How did this happen? Get everypony together, we need to find him. Tell Padlock and Cookies I want them to lead groups searching the lower-level cells, I'll take Night Shift and Key Ring to the maximum security areas. He can't have gotten far!"
>The guard salutes and runs off, and Brass turns to you apologetically
>"It's you-know-who, Anon. He got out somehow."
>Oh boy, here we go
"Want me to come with?"
>"You know I can't let you. Just stay here and keep a watch over everybody, okay? Besides..."
>He motions, and you lean down so he can whisper to you
>"I need to look cool for Warden, right?"
>You stand back up laughing
"It won't hurt, that's for sure. Go get him, man!"
>Brass turns and gallops off, shouting to the cafeteria security as he goes
>"Guards! Lockdown! No inmate leaves until you hear from me, got it?"
>Eager yells of confirmation ring out, but your boy's on his way out the door before they even finish
>The remaining staff scrambles, closing the cafeteria doors while the prisoners begin to get anxious
>Magnolia reaches over Summer Squall's head, tugging your sleeve worriedly
>"Anon, what's happening? Why are we going on lockdown? Did Brass Badge tell you? Who's you-know-who?"
>You reach back to give her a squeeze on the shoulder and a smile, raising your voice so everyone near you can hear
>"We're fine, guys. Seems like a bad guy got out of his cell, but we're all here together behind locked doors. Let's finish our breakfasts and wait, okay?"
>Everyone nods tentatively, reassured for now
>Summer Squall has gone silent, glancing around nervously
>And sweating even more
"You alright there, Summer?"
>"Huh?! Oh! Y-Yeah. Definitely. I'm just worried, you know. S-Sounds like a dangerous pony!"
"Yeah, but Brass is tough. So, tell me, are you having trouble making friends?"
>He seems to quickly forget his "fear"
>"Yeah!"
"Where exactly are you having problems? You walked up and talked to me easily enough."
>"Oh. Yeah. W-Well... What if I have, say, a bad habit? And when every pony finds out about it, they don't what to be my friend anymore?"
"What would this habit be?"
>"I-It's just a hypothetical question, Anonymous."
>For one, you're surprised he knows what that word means
>For two, suuuuuure it is
"Hypothetically, if you were really so certain that your habit was the root of the problem, then there's your answer. Just beat your habit, however that might be done."
>"What if I can't? What if doctors have said they can't fix it?"
>The panic in his eyes makes your heart hurt
"All habits can be fixed, Summer. But if doctors were involved, that makes me think it's not a habit. It's something else."
>His eyes fall to the table
>"Whatever it is, what if there's no way to fix it?"
"How do you know there's no way?"
>"The doctors said-"
"Doctors aren't perfect. Some are very skilled, sure, but they don't know everything. Besides, I've never heard of a disease that makes you hit others."
>His head snaps back up to face you, eyes wide
>"You... How...?"
"I've been expecting you these past few days. I gotta say though, I'm glad your parents didn't actually name you 'Twitch,' of all things."
>He leans forward, eyes gleaming eagerly now that he doesn't have to act like he isn't himself
>You catch a couple poorly-suppressed spasms in his legs and body
>That must be where he got his nickname
>"I knew you'd understand! I knew it! Ah, Anonymous, I feel so much better now. But please, do you think you can help me?"
"I might. But I still don't entirely understand what it is that's wrong. It can't really be a disease, right?"
>He looks around uncomfortably
>"It's not, but... It's really embarrassing."
"You have to tell me if you want my help. What's actually the matter?"
>Summer grimaces, then motions you closer
>You oblige, and he mutters into your ear
>"I still don't have my cutie mark.”
>What, the butt-picture?
"I... I'm kind of unfamiliar with pony culture and stuff. Are you supposed to have it by now?"
>"Yes! I should have had it nearly six years ago! But it never came! And the longer I went without it, the worse the twitches became until... until I ended up here."
>He barely kept his voice down through his outburst, but the two of you are still drawing attention
>"Whatcha whispering about over there, boss? Are you planning stuff?"
>"We can plan stuff too!"
>"Yeah!"
>Even when they're interrupting, they make you smile
"It's not like that, guys. We're just talking about some private stuff. Summer was hoping I could help him with a problem."
>There's a flurry of responses
>"What kind of problem, Summer?"
>"Does he need something heavy lifted?"
>"A bully scared away?"
>"Mare problems?"
>"Nah, you're all wrong. Clearly he needs a jar opened."
>Summer is startled by all the sudden attention, but upon recovery, just looks pleased that others are talking to him
>"No, nothing like that. Thank you all though. If it's okay, I'd like to keep it a secret for now."
>Sand Stone pouts
>"Aw, that's no fun!"
>Magnolia wags a finger at her
>"Sandy, it's his problem. He can keep it a secret if he wants to."
>"I guess, but-"
>As the chatter starts back up again, you motion for Summer Squall to get up and follow you
>You make your way to the dirty dish bins as you speak quietly
"So, if you don't have your cutie mark, that means everything you tried wasn't your special talent."
>"Right. And I tried a /lot/."
"Well... about your twitches. Do they happen when you're in a particular place, or anything like that? When you're doing something specific?"
>"No! That's the worst part. I've always wanted to believe that they're some kind of hint, that if I just let them show me the way I'd get my mark. But all they ever lead to is my hoof in somepony's face! It's awful. And ever since I came here, they've been constant. It was never this bad before."
"Huh…"
>Wait
"So... your twitches are your body trying to hit other ponies?"
>He hangs his head as you set your dishes in the bin
>"Yeah..."
>Weird
>Ponyland is such a peaceful place, you can't imagine his talent is something like martial arts or anything like that
>Decking random people doesn't really count as a martial art anyways
>Not all hope is lost though
>You're starting to see a pattern
"Let me make sure I have everything. Your twitches only happen around certain other ponies. They always try to make you hit them. And they've gotten worse since you came to prison?"
>"Right."
>...
>Holy shit
>Is he-?
"Are you, like, pony-Batman or something?"
>He gives you a weird look
>"Uh... I'm not a batpony, if that's what you're asking. I'm a normal pegasus."
"No, sorry, that's not what I meant. Think carefully for me. Did the ponies you hit ever seem like they were nice? Upstanding citizens? Perfectly trustworthy? Would you let them housesit for you?"
>"Maybe? I mean, I didn't really know any of them. It just sort of happened."
>He scratches his chin with the edge of a hoof
>"Definitely wouldn't leave any of them in my house, though. Ma would never approve."
"Yeah?"
>"Yeah. She'd say they weren't the types of ponies I should be hanging around. I think."
>Bingo
>You think you have it
"Alright. So, say you figured it out. Would your twitching stop, do you think?
>"I hope so! I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't."
"Cool. And, how would you know if you'd found it? Does it happen instantly?"
>"Yup. All the other ponies my age had theirs appear in a flash of light."
"What if someone else tells you what they think it is? Do you think you could get it from that?"
>He tilts his head, eying you
>"...Maybe. If it really was my talent, I think I'd just... Know."
"Okay. Well, Summer, I have one last question for you. Do you always twitch around other black suits?"
>A shaky nod in response
>"Do you think you-?"
"Summer, I think your special talent is beating up bad ponies."
>The pegasus' eyes widen, and he stiffens
>His head slowly turns to look at his hindquarters
>They're covered by his uniform, but something has clearly happened
>"I... I..."
>He's shaking
>"I think it... But... I didn't want... A cutie mark in violence..."
>Tears start forming in his eyes
>Aw, fuck
>You feel a pit in your gut as you kneel down to comfort him
"Not just violence, Summer. In punishing baddies."
>More sniffles, and he wipes his eye
>You continue
"You could join the Solar Guard, man. I'm sure they'd love to have a guy like you, right? Aw, no, don't cry buddy. You're not twitching anymore, right?"
>That gets his attention
>After a moment to compose himself, he responds
>"No..."
"See? You're in charge of it now. You don't /have/ to hit anybody. It's all up to you. I don't like using violence either. You can choose, Summer. For now, it'll just be our secret. And this way, you'll get out of prison eventually, right? Since you won't attack ponies anymore?"
>His sadness begins to ebb
>"...Yeah. I control it now. I don't have to... I don't have to if I don't want to. I can finally get out, see Ma again..."
"There you go, pal. Look on the bright side. Even if it wasn't what you were expecting, you have it now. And you can live a normal life. I'm sure your mother will be happy for you, too."
>"Yeah, she will! Anonymous, thank you so much. I would've never guessed it. How did you think of that?"
"I'm pretty good at figuring stuff out."
>By pony standards
>Your huddle in the middle of the floor has drawn some attention, and one of the guards approaches
>"What's going on here? Are you b-bullying that stallion, inmate Anonymous?"
>Oh, right
>You're still a vengeful psychopath in the eyes of guards that aren't Brass or Cookies
>Before you can explain yourself, Summer speaks
>"No! I - I stubbed my hoof, and Anonymous was helping me feel better. That's all."
>The guard buys it
>"That's terrible! I'd take you to the nurse, but we're still on lockdown… Do you want some ice for it?"
>Your newly-made friend shakes his head
>"That's okay. I'll be fine."
>The guard looks impressed
>"Whoa... Well, alright. Just call if you need anything!"
>And with that, the trouble is averted
"Thanks, Summer."
>"What? For that? Pshaw. Anonymous, I'll always be in your debt, even if I never use my talent. You've made a friend today."
>You smile
"Happy to hear it. Come on, they're wondering what's going on."
>The both of you make your way back to the weights table

>You're so frustrated you could flip a table, so you could either be Brass Badge or Hat Trick, but since you're in the cafeteria it must be the latter
>Nothing's going your way!
>Twitch isn't attacking Anonymous!
>You got your hopes up when they both walked away from the table, but all that happened was Anonymous knelt down!
>What were they talking about?
>Is Anonymous so scary that even Twitch doesn't want anything to do with him?
>ARGH
>You have to do something!
>Not that you have any idea what
>For now, you'll just try to get Twitch's attention
>You try waving a hoof at him, and he makes eye contact
>You pantomime swinging a hoof and point at Anonymous
>He just looks at you like you're dumb
>What was that for?!
>That was the deal!
>The fact that you opened the door out of panic without confirming that he accepted or not doesn't matter!
>You repeat your pantomime, with vigor
>Twitch shakes his head, and mouths something at you
>Let's see...
>You...are...wrong...about...him...
>No you're not!
>How could you be?!
>The entire prison saw what he did to that griffon!
>Somepony has to do something about this menace!
>And if that somepony happens to charm the local nurse with a nice butt, so be it!
>As long as it's you
>You get up and make your way over to the table, snorting in frustration
>You'll get this sorted out!
>Some of the other weights club member see you coming
>"Well well well! Look who it is!"
>"Hi, Hat Trick! Looking for another loss?"
>You'll show them!
>Ignoring the others, you trot right up to Twitch
"What are you doing?"
>Twitch shuts his eyes and sighs as he responds
>"Hat Trick, don't be like this. Things have changed."
"What changed?! He's sitting right there!"
>Twitch frowns, and you press again
"Come on, do it! That's why I sprang you from your cell! I'm not wrong about him, /you're/ wrong!"
>The big, light colored mare from the weights club struts up to you
>"Do what, exactly, polo boy? Why are you bothering our new friend?"
>You snap
>"He's not your friend! He even attacked you once! Don't you dummies remember-"
>"Shut it, Hat Trick!"
>W-Wha-?!
>Twitch is up out of his seat, glaring at you
>You can't help but tremble
>"You want to know what changed? I did. And you're the only one who thought I wanted to fight Anonymous, you doofus. I don't care if the nurse you like likes him instead. And you know what else? I kinda understand why now! Did you even bother to talk to him about it before you tried to get him attacked?!"
>You scream in response
"You're a freak AND a traitor, Twitch!"
>The whole room goes silent, except for the sound of Anonymous' hand hitting his own face
>One of the minotaur siblings whispers hoarsely
>"I /knew/ I'd seen you before."
>Everypony starts backing away quickly
>"That's him?! That's Twitch?!"
>"Twitch is here?!"
>"How did he get out?"
>"Hat Trick said he freed him!"
>"G-Guards! Help!"
>Some of the prison guards are shouting, but you can't hear it
>A pair of brown eyes hold you transfixed with the sheer amount of hurt and anger radiating from them
>"You... You... You...!!"
>You flinch, shielding your face with your hooves in expectation of the same terrifying yellow blur from last night
>...but nothing comes
>Looking out from behind your raised forelegs, you see Twitch's foreleg cocked back to strike
>And Anonymous holding it?
>"Anonymous, let me go! I'm-! I'm gonna-!"
>The look on the human's face isn't much better than Twitch's
>"I know. But he's not worth it, Summer."
>The guards finally make their way over
>"What's all this about? Somepony said Twitch was here!"
>You manage to stammer out a response, but can't look away from the seething stallion in front of you
>"I-It's him! Right here in front of me!"
>The guard takes a moment to look him over, but turns back to you
>"No it isn't."
>WHAT?!
>You sputter, trying to find a response, while the guard continues
>"He's not twitching. How can he be Twitch? He's not wearing a black suit, either."
"I gave him one of mine when I-!"
>You stop, trying to save yourself, but Twitch sneers at you
>"When you what, Hat?"
>That gosh darned tricky pegasus!
>If you tell the guards you intentionally released Twitch in order to harm another prisoner, Brass Badge will hear about it for sure!
>You don't want to get punched in the nose!
>"When... when... Argh! He is! I just know he is! Why do you think we're on lockdown? Twitch is out of his cell, and I'm trying to tell that this pegasus, right here, is him!"
>The guards just look at each other, then back to you
>"...We'll try to reach the Overseer. But until then, this ruckus has to stop. Or else no pudding for anypony involved!"
>You wilt at the threat, and Twitch's eyes widen at the mention of pudding
>You idly wonder if he got any in his cell
>Before things can go any further, the door opens
>You open your mouth to call out to Brass Badge, but it isn't him
>It's the warden!
>The guards salute
>"Hello, Miss Warden! What brings you here?"
>"I wanted to check up on the prisoners after I heard about the lockdown! I want to reassure everypony that they are perfectly safe. What's all this? You all seem awfully tense."
>"Well, ma'am, you see..."
>The guards recount things from their perspective
>Things aren't looking good for you...

>You are a pegasus who loves his newfound ability to sit still, so you must be Summer Squall
>You came /this/ close to walloping Hat Trick into next Tuesday, but Anonymous stopped you
>Good thing, too
>What a waste of the first use of your talent that would have been!
>You sit quietly, trying to ignore the stares and whispers from the other inmates
>You hope you'll get a chance to explain everything
>Warden approaches your table
>"Anonymous, can you come sit with me for a while? I'd like to hear your opinion on all this."
>Wow, Anonymous knows the warden?
>Cool
>You wonder if that's why he didn't become a black suit
>A pat on your shoulder disrupts your thoughts, and you look up to see him grinning down at you
>"Never fear, man. I'll get this sorted out and then things are gonna get better."
>You smile back, but it fades as he walks off and leaves you alone with the other members of his club
>And Hat Trick
>The dumb, smelly, polo-playing goon!
>It's his fault they're scared of you again
>You fit right in earlier!
>Anonymous even introduced you!
>It felt so good to hear others greet you by your real name
>The lady minotaur tentatively trots up to you
>"Hey... Are you really...?"
>You can't meet her eyes
>Ma always said that liars' lies come back to bite them
"I am. But I've changed. I promise. I don't want to hurt anybody. Anonymous helped me change. I'm sorry about what happened the first time we met. I didn't mean to punch any of you."
>There's silence for a moment, and then she sits down gently next to you
>Some gasps go up
>"Maggie!"
>"Big sis! You can't! He might be-"
>She turns to face them, frowning
>"Hush up and come here, guys! I want to hear what he has to say for himself. What happened to being the toughest prisoners, huh?"
>Wow
>Anonymous has some cool friends
>Hopefully they'll be your friends too, so you can also have cool friends
>One by one, they reclaim a seat around the table, watching you
>You begin slowly
"I, uh... I didn't mean to hit any of you when I first visited. See, I've had a problem up until today..."
>You recount your story in front of the weights club
>"So, you got your cutie mark today?"
"Yes. I finally realized what my talent is."
>A stallion you don't know replies
>"Hey, that's great! It must have been scary to not have it for so long. Have you seen your cutie mark yet?"
>That's right!
>You didn't get a chance to see it!
>Hurriedly, you get up from the table and unzip your uniform,trying to pry yourself out of the too-small fabric
>Hat Trick wasn't as built as you were
>Some others help, and with a big flap of your wings, you shoot out, pulling a hasty midair maneuver to bring yourself back to ground
>Some of the club members ooh and aah, and you turn eagerly to look at your long-awaited cutie mark
>Whoa...
>A five-pointed star, with a flaming hoof in the middle!
>That's really cool!
>And it doesn't seem inherently violent!
>Super cool!
>You stand up straight chest out with pride
>This is the best day of your life, no matter what happens later

>You're currently explaining the uproar to Warden Sharp, so you're Anonymous
>"Are you telling me you actually got Summer Squall to change his ways?! Anon, that's delightful news! He was such a problematic young stallion. It broke my heart to send him into solitary, but now he can be reintegrated into the lower level inmates!"
"I knew you'd understand, Warden. He was just misunderstood is all. I think you'll find he just wants to be around others."
>"Once again, you prove yourself to be a sweetheart. I think I'll send a letter to Her Majesty later on. She simply must understand that your sentence is unwarranted!"
>Heh
"I'd really appreciate that Warden. We should go find Brass, though. He's probably still turning the prison upside down."
>"Eventually, yes, but first I want to speak with both Mr. Squall and Mr. Trick."
>Warden calls to a nearby guard
>"Deadbolt, can you bring inmates Summer Squall and Hat Trick to me please?"
>"Yes ma'am! Just a moment."
>You can see Summer get up from among the weights club members
>...did he take his uniform off?
>Weird
>Hat Trick sullenly makes his way over too
>Once the two of them are seated, Warden begins to speak
>"It has come to my attention that the two of you are behind this lockdown. However, according to the guards present and Inmate Anonymous, there are some unique circumstances. Inmate Squall?"
>Summer sits up ramrod straight, puffing out his chest
>"Yes, Warden Sharp."
>"You are accused of unlawfully leaving your cell and rabble-rousing. What do you say?"
>He doesn't even bat an eye
>"That's all true, ma'am. Upon being given the opportunity, I left my cell and hid out inside Hat Trick's, after which I went to breakfast."
>"How, exactly, did you leave your cell?"
>"Hat Trick let me out."
>Warden turns to face the squirming orange unicorn
>"What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Trick?"
>He opens his mouth, but after a moment, just sighs
>"...Nothing. I did it."
>"No defense...?"
>"What's it matter anyway? It was a dumb idea and it didn't even work anyways. I confess."
>You're honestly shocked, and you're not the only one
>You were expecting him to try and bullshit his way out
>"For what reason did you release Inmate Squall?"
>Hat Trick turns and glowers at you
>"To try and scare Anonymous. I... I don't like him hanging around the nurse."
>Warden sighs
>"Inmate Trick, I find you guilty of malicious rule breaking, a willful attempt to bully, and name-calling by eyewitness testimony. Your sentence has been extended an additional two days and I hereby place you in timeout until further notice."
>He hangs his head and growls
>Deadbolt the guard steps forward
>"On your hooves, inmate. Nice and easy."
>As he's being led away, Warden turn back to Summer
>"Inmate Squall. I have heard it from a very reliable source that your bad behavior will cease from today onward."
>He glances up at you incredulously, and you grin back
>After composing himself, he responds eagerly
>"Yes ma'am. I promise to keep my hooves to myself for the remainder of my sentence, so help me Celestia."
>Warden smiles and nods approvingly
>"Well! I hereby declare you downgraded to red-suit status, and released from solitary confinement. We'll have your new cell and uniform ready after lunch!"
>Summer jumps so high out of his seat he startles you for a moment, shouting to the ceiling
>"YES!!"
>Warden giggles, clapping her hooves before addressing you
>"Oh, what a happy day! I think we'd best go find Brass now, Anon. He'll be working himself into a tizzy."
>Warden gets up and you follow her, stopping only to wave to Squall and your club and when the guards try to bar your path
>"Hang on there, human! Where are you-"
>"Inmate Anonymous is coming with me."
>"O-Oh. Sorry."
"Hey, don't worry about it. You're just doing your job."
>The guard is both visibly relieved and mildly confused as you and Warden leave the cafeteria
"Brass said he'd be searching the high-security cells, Warden. Which way?"
>"This right up ahead, and then down the hall, and then..."
>You swiftly lose track of the number of turns
>You settle for just following her
>"That Brass. He rushes off to hunt an escaped black suit and doesn't even inform me. I had to hear it secondhoof from another guard! Can you imagine? Ugh, he worries me sometimes."
>You feel a twinge of guilt
"Well... He kind of did it at my suggestion."
>"Wha-! Anon, why would you ever tell him to do that?"
"I didn't! Well, not directly at least. He's... well, he's trying to impress you."
>For the first time ever, you see Warden stumble
>She looks you open-mouthed, then promptly shuts it, blushing mildly
>"It's rude to tease a mare, Anonymous."
"I'm not. He is. I talked to him this morning, and... Well, you should hear it from him yourself."
>She straightens herself, but the blush doesn't depart
>"Y-Yes. I will."
>Her pace noticeably quickens, and you can't help but smile
>Soon enough, you reach an area of the prison you've never seen before
>It's noticeably more imposing that the other wings, and the first to actually resemble a prison on Earth
>The doors are metal, and there's barred windows next to each one, allowing the inmates to be observed without opening the door
>Your passing is met with shifty stares and inquisitive looks
>Except for at one cell
>You have to suppress a mean-spirited cackle at the sight of a still mostly-featherless Alexei shrieking at the sight of you
>"YOU! I'll have my revenge, human! I won't rest until I do!"
"Awful big talker now you're behind bars, huh? How about I let myself in? We can play another game, Alexei. Didn't you enjoy the last one?"
>Warden loudly clears her throat
>You cough awkwardly
"I mean, uh... Stop being a bully, Alexei."
>She cocks an eyebrow, still staring at you expectantly
>You're confused
>Alexei is confused
>The few other black suits still watching are also confused
>...Wait
>No, she can't possibly-
>"Your apology, Inmate Anonymous?"
>Aw come on
>You were hoping she'd forgotten
"I really have to?"
>"Yes, you silly human. I told you I wanted you to apologize to Inmate Blackbeak, didn't I?"
"You did, but... Aw, fine. Don't look at me like that. I'll do it."
>You approach Alexei's window, looking him in the eye and taking a deep breath
"I apologize for hitting you and knocking half your feathers off. I also apologize for making you look like a little weenie in front of the entire prison."
>You're totally not sorry, but the idea of Warden being disappointed in you is oddly motivating
>Alexei's beak just hangs open, so you take that as an apology accepted and hurry away
"I did it. Can we please go find Brass?"
>She laughs softly, patting your leg with a hoof
>"There! I knew you could do it. Well done, Anon. I'm proud of you."
>You smile at that
>After a little bit more walking, you hear a familiar voice crying out from further down the hall
>"...not here either! Celestia's flowing mane, where could he be?! We've checked every bathroom, closet, and empty cell there is in this wing!"
>"Boss, maybe he made it to the low-security wings after all?”
>"Yeah, Overseer. We should go check in with Padlock and Cookies. Maybe they've had better luck."
>"Hmm. I suppose so. Alright, let's head back and-"
>Warden cheerily calls out to Brass, Key Ring, and Night Shift
>"Hello there, gentlecolts! I hate to interrupt your fun, but the situation has been resolved."
>All three turn to face you, and Brass responds
>"Sharp! And Anon! What's happened? Did somepony find him?"
"Yeah. It's a bit of a long story, brother. You might want to come back and see for yourself."
>Brass tilts his head
>"Well, of course, but why is it a long story?"
>Warden sidles up to him
>"Silly Brass. If we could explain why it was long, it wouldn't be a long story, would it? Come along, and I'll try to explain on the way."
>She twines one of her fore hooves around his, and leads him off back down the hall blushing and stuttering
>The other two guards are also a little rosy-cheeked, trying to look anywhere but their two superiors
>You snort
>Silly, prudish little ponies
>"W-Warden, ah, what's going on? D-Did Padlock find him? No, wait, I bet it was Cookies."
>"Why, not at all, Brass. He was in the cafeteria the whole time."
>If he had any liquid in his mouth, he'd have done a spit-take there
>"What?! But- I was- Where was- I locked him in there with the other inmates?! Oh no!"
>"Brass, Brass, please calm down. Everything's fine. He's changed."
>"Changed? How do you mean?"
>Between you and Warden, he eventually gets a grip on what happened
>"That's astonishing. I knew he still didn't have his cutie mark, but to think his violent behavior was caused by it... I'd have never guessed. And he's really behaving himself?"
"He is. I promise. And he already gave his word he wouldn't hit another inmate as long as he's in prison."
>Brass whistles
>"I'll need to see this for myself. Twitch, reformed... Gosh, it's been so long since I used his real name I'd almost forgotten it. Summer Squall, right?"
"Yeah. Make sure to call him that, too. He likes it.”
>You open the door as Brass turn to one of his fellow guards
>"Key Ring, could you run and let the others know the search is over?"
>"You got it, Overseer."
>The remainder of your group enters the cafeteria, Warden reluctantly letting go of Brass' foreleg
>The prisoners are all there waiting, and some begin whispering excitedly at the sight of Brass' return
>Your chaperone for his part, trots straight to your table, looking around until he finds Summer looking back at him
>You, Warden, and Night Shift quietly join him as he speaks
>"...Amazing. You look like an entirely different pony."
>Summer huffs
>"I always told you it wasn't my fault. All the hitting."
>"I know, and I never believed you. I'm sorry for that."
>Summer's look softens, and he blows his mane out of his face
>"It's okay. Right now, I just want a mane cut."
>"That can be easily arranged. Just a sec."
>Brass turns about, and with a big, booming voice, cries
>"Lockdown is lifted! Prisoners, go about your business! Guards, enforce club schedule as normal!"
>And just like that, the entire cafeteria erupts into hubbub as inmates hurry to make up for lost club time and guards chase after them to make sure no one goes astray
>The weights club rises too, but gathers around and waits for you to leave
>You have something to say first
"Well, guys. What do you think? Are we willing to put Summer Squall to the test?"
>Some knowing looks are exchanged, and Magnolia eagerly bounces up and down in her excitement
>You do your best to keep your eyes off her chest
>"Absolutely, Boss Anon! Let's see if he has what it takes!"
>Summer looks about, mystified
>"Test? What test, Anonymous?"
"Test to get into the weights club, man. I think everyone wants to give you another shot."
>Summer's face goes through a variety of emotions, but it settles on a wide, totally-not-crying smile
>"H-Heck yeah! Let's go! I'll ace it, whatever it is!"
>The club members cheer, and you lead your flock to their Iron Temple

>Your boss sneakily wrapped her hoof back around yours during the rush as Anon left you two alone, so you're undoubtedly Brass Badge
>"Anon told me something interesting, Brass."
>Aw, c'mon Anon!
>He wouldn't!
>He wouldn't just spill, would he?
>You wanted it to be a surprise!
"W-What was it, Sharp?"
>She casually leans her head on your shoulder as she replies
>"That you were trying to impress me, running off to capture a black suit with just two other guards."
"Is that right?"
>"It is. I couldn't believe it, myself."
"Shame. B-Because... I was."
>She freezes, and her breath hitches
>You keep going
>It isn't quite how you imagined it, but you'll take this chance
>Anon's words flash through your mind
>"Tell her want you want her to know about how you feel about her"
>Here goes!
"Sharp, I... When I had to leave the guard, I had nowhere to go. I couldn't bear the thought of showing my face to my parents. I didn't want any pony to see what had happened to me. But I had to find a job. Somewhere, anywhere. When I saw that Canterlot Maximum Security Prison needed a new head guard, I thought it was perfect. Not because of my skills, or my special talent, or anything like that, but... but because back then, I thought I was a criminal. That way, I could be in jail too, even if Her Majesty had pardoned me."
>She's silent at that
>You just keep talking
>Years of hidden emotion bubble to the surface
"When I found out you were the Warden, I- I was so embarrassed. Of all ponies, you were the last I'd wanted to see how far I'd fallen. I was sure you'd be ashamed, or hate me. But... you just hugged me, like you always used to. And said you were happy to see me. And gave me the job on the spot, over all your other guards. I... I promised myself right then and there I'd be the best guard overseer ever. Just for you, because you took in a bad pony like me."
>"Brass... oh, Brass, you're not-"
"I know. I realized that recently.”
>You turn to look her in the eyes
"And I finally understood that we both still feel the same way about each other. That... that I shouldn't be so selfish as to reject your feelings just because I don't think I deserve them. So... Warden- no, Sharpie?"
>She squeaks when you use her old pet name
"Will you be my special-"
>"YES! YES, YES, YES, YES!! Oh, Brassy, I'm so happy I could- I could-"
>Your lips touch, for the first time in years
>The two of you hold each other, just like that
>Time seems to stand still, and you couldn't say how long the kiss lasted, but when the both of you finally break you're breathing hard
>Warden is too, her words coming in gasps
>"Brassy... I'm so... I was so afraid... I thought... you really didn't..."
"I know. I'm sorry. I was really dumb. I should have said that a long time ago."
>She half-sobs, half laughs as she leans back into you
"I forgive you, you big dumb stallion."
>Your heart melts, and you bury your nose in her mane as the two of you sit together, happy as can be in the empty cafeteria

>You're supreme overlord of the weights club, so you're Anon
>The mood in the gym is that of a celebration as Summer begins his first day
>Still, it wouldn't be your gang if they weren't egging him on to do something cool within the first 10 minutes
>"Show us what you can do, new colt!"
>"Yeah! Boss says you're alright, but you gotta prove you're strong enough to use the weights!"
>At least they're being somewhat nicer this time
>Summer, for his part, just puffs out his chest and glides to an open space on the floor
>He's apparently allowed to fly around since he isn't a black suit anymore
>"Heheheheh. Alright! Just watch. For my initiation, I challenge anybody with wings to a wing-up contest!"
>...a what now?
>Some ooo's go up, and several griffons and the few pegasi in your club step forward
>"You're on, Squall!"
>"We'll need some guys to count."
>"Wait, are we all going at once?"
>Summer gestures with his wing as he responds
>"Yeah. We'll all start at the same time, and everyone should have a partner so they can count for you. Do the most wing-ups, and you win!"
>You're still mildly unclear, but this seems interesting
"As head of the weights club, I declare this a cool idea. I'll be Summer's partner. Everyone else, grab one and we'll begin!"
>Other, non-winged members step up to help, and soon everything's squared away
>And suddenly you understand what a wing-up is
>They're all in pushup position, but with their wings instead of forearms
>Neat!
>You squat down in front of Summer
"You ready?"
>The stallion looks up at you, still smiling
>His grin has been constant since Warden's announcement
>"Are you joking? I've had dreams about something like this! Let's do it!"
>You raise an arm into the air, and call out
"On your marks! Get set! Push!"
>On your signal, the competitors begin
>Grunting, huffing, and puffing fill the air as bodies rise and fall
>Some are going pretty fast, other are trying to pace themselves
>The voices of the counting partners mix

>"Come on, Viktor! You can't lose to a new guy!"
>The few griffons not participating are cheering for Vik, but your eyes are fixated on Summer
>This might be the first time you've been genuinely impressed with a mortal pony since coming here
>He's doing wingups with no other limbs touching the ground
>Is that the equivalent of a handstand pushup here?
>You're so impressed that you aren't even weirded out by the fact that his wings can bend like that
>Little dude's an absolute fucking machine, too
>His chest touches the floor on each one, but he hasn't slowed down at all
>That was seven...
>Eight...
>Nine...
>As you silently count, Summer himself starts getting some respect from the bystanders
>"Whoa..."
>"Looks at that form! And no hooves!"
>Some of the lightweights have already dropped out
>Aside from your protégé, only one other pegasus remains, and the griffons are starting to looks a bit wobbly
>Summer, meanwhile, looks like he's in the zone
>He just passed 15
>One griffon gives in, breathing heavily
>18
>The other pegasus is looking a bit haggard
>20
>Another griffon throws in the towel, as does the pony
>It's just Summer, Viktor, and a couple other griffons now
>25...
>26...
>27...
>Another griffon drops out
>28...
>29...
>30...
>And another
>31...
>32...
>33...!
>It's just Summer and Viktor now, and both are sweating
>Your new boy's breathing is steady, but Viktor looks determined
>It's gonna be close!
>Even you start to get swept up into the hype
>All of the other members are whooping and hollering support for their lifter of choice
>"Come on, Viktor! Do it for Griffonia!"
>"Let's go, Squall! Earn your place! You can do it!"
>The count stands at 38
>Muscles stand out on Summer's back as he strains, touching his chest to the floor and slowly rising back up, his smile transformed into a quiet snarl of exertion
>Glancing over at Viktor, you see his wings start to tremble, but he keeps at it
>The shouting and cheering quiets into hushed encouragement
>Time passes as the tense contest drags on
>As your boys work their way to 40, even Summer's having problems
>More than once, you think he won't be able to raise himself back up, but he always pulls through out of sheer willpower
>It can't go on much longer, though
>Sweat has begun to pool under the both of them and their wings are shuddering
>The count comes to 45
>Viktor is emitting a low screech with each excruciating push
>Summer's nose is scrunched and his cheeks are puffed
>Each individual pushup- er, wingup- seems to take incredible effort
>But Summer's bent on getting into the club and Vik's determined not to lose to a new guy
>The two occasionally glance at each other with dirty looks
>48...
>49...!
>Both sink down for the 50th
>Neither come up
>After a few moments of struggling, both give in and roll over, panting
>The room erupts into cheers, and you help the both of them stand up
>Viktor extends a shaky foreclaw to Summer
>"W-Well...huff... Well done, Summer. I welcome you to the club."
>And just like that, little homie is smiling again
>"H-Hahaha! Wooo... Thanks!"
>The tiny, exhausted cheer he makes gets a smile out of everyone, especially you
>You kneel down, raising one of Summer's hooves into the air
"Any further objections to Summer Squall's membership to our club and gang?"
>Your answer is unanimous and resounding
>"Nope!!"
>Your new member gets his breathing under control, then speaks to you
>"Say, Anonymous, how many pushups can you do?"
>You chuckle
"I think you and Viktor are even better than I am at pushups. But I'm pretty good at some other exercises. Let me show you..."

>You're a flustered prison nurse, so you're Caring Touch
>You can't believe you managed to sleep through an entire prison lockdown!
>Even worse, you missed breakfast with Anon!
>You'd just been up really late last night
>Looking at photographs of human anatomy
>For science, and NO other reasons!
>You're not a lewd pony!
>You'd gotten cleaned up and ready as quickly as you could manage, but by the time you left your office all the inmates were already headed to club, and you had to hear from a guard what had happened
>Part of you is glad you missed it
>The thought of Twitch on the loose is scary!
>Except he's supposedly not Twitch anymore?
>That part still has you a little confused
>Still, your objective is unchanged
>There's only one club where serious injuries can happen, and that it happens to be Anon's club is pure, happy coincidence!
>You touch the bandanna cleverly hidden under your nurse cap and giggle
>You're so happy you work at this prison!
>You skip down the hallway to the gym, eager to see your favorite biped
>He was sooooooo cool yesterday
>He beat Hat Trick at his own game!
>And even found time to sit with you in the second half!
>It was a great day, and you hope today will be just like it!
>After a few minutes of skipping, you finally reach the weight room and eagerly turn the door handle with your magic and let yourself in
>You gasp
>A-Anon's showing off again...
>He's holding a bar with two ponies hanging off either side, and lifting it up with his arms
>If his muscle structure is similar to a minotaurs, that should be... a bicep curl?
>You pause to fan yourself quickly before trotting further into the room
>One stallion in particular seems even more impressed than the others
>"That's incredible, Anonymous! You're so strong!"
>...Strange, he seems familiar...
>And why isn't he in uniform?
>Anon just chuckles, continuing to work out
>"Thanks, man. I've worked hard to build my muscles."
>His eyes fall on you, and the smile he sends your way makes your knees go weak
>"Hi, Caring! Didn't see you at breakfast, did you sleep in?"
"H-Hi, Anon! A-A-And yes, I overslept a bit. But I'm here now! Ready to protect you from injury!"
>He chuckles, letting the two ponies down before setting the bar aside
>"I'm happy to hear it. I have a new member you should meet!"
>Anon gestures to the unclothed pegasus, who waves enthusiastically
>"Hi Miss Nurse!"
"Hello, Mr...?"
>"I'm Summer Squall! I, uh, used to go by another name, but that's nothing to worry about. Are you one of Anonymous' friends too?"
"You puff out your chest, smirking confidently
"I am! One of his best, and his favorite nurse. He told me so!"
>Squall blinks
>"I thought you were the only nurse."
>I-It's the thought that counts
"A-Anyways, I heard there was lockdown this morning! Are you okay, Anon? I heard Twitch got out! He's such a scary pony."
>Summer Squall seems to wilt for some reason, but there are scattered snickers from the other weights club members, and Anon seems to be holding back a smile
>"Heh, yeah, uh... About that, Caring. Did you ever meet him?"
"I did, but he didn't make eye contact and he was all shaky... I didn't get a good look at his face. Why?"
>Anon kneels, resting a hand on his new friend's shoulder
>"Then you ought to be reintroduced. Caring, this is Summer Squall. Formerly Twitch."
>Whuh
>Buh
>Muh
>You can only stare open-mouthed for a few moments before all the snickers turn into laughter
>Your cheeks flush
"W-What?! But- I don't understand! He's so... So..."
>Summer eagerly trots up then stands stock still
>"So calm, right? Right?! It's great! I was finally cured today! I don't twitch anymore, and I don't hit ponies, either. I've turned over a new leaf, Nurse!"
>Wow
>But you had no idea something like could even be fixed!
"That's amazing, Twi- er, Inmate Squall! How were you cured? You never came to my office!"
>"Anonymous did it!"
>You turn to look at Anon, trying not to squeal
>He's such a sweetie already, and now he goes and does this!
>You tap his leg with a hoof
"And just how did you manage to do my job, mister, hm~?"
>"Aw, well, you know. Sometimes it's all in the mind."
>He kneels, and you barely register his hand moving before his fingers find the base of your ears
>Oooooooooooo
>"Are you free today, Caring?”
>Even if he wasn't scratching your ears right now, you'd say yes
"Of... Of course, Anon! Why?"
>"I was hoping eat lunch with some particular ponies, and you're one of them."
>Oh!
>Super!
>Wait, you were going to anyways
>And who are the other ponies?
>The question melts along with the rest of your mind as Anon continues his scratches
"You know I'd be happy to eat with you, Anon! I'll be there!"
>"Glad to hear it. Thanks Caring."
>You'd squeeze out a cute line about being willing to do anything for him, but you're not coordinated at the moment
>Next thing you know, he's gently gotten up and gotten back into lifting, Summer Squall hot on his heels and the entire club calling out how much he should try and lift next time
>You sigh dreamily, finding a nice spot to watch as Anon gears up for his next feat of strength
>Today is already fantastic

>You are the toughest guardsmare in this prison, so you must be Cookies n' Cream!
>But something is strange, today
>There was a big lockdown this morning, and you got really excited to show your stuff, but then it got deemed all-clear without the inmate being found!
>It's so strange!
>No other guard you've talked to knows why
>Something must have happened, but you have no clue what that could be...
>Aw well
>Everypony's okay and there have been no further incidents, so it looks like it'll just be another normal day after all
>You're on a midmorning break before going back on patrol
>Everypony needed some rest after all the excitement, so you and the other guards who had been in your search group were relaxing in the staff room
>Bored, you reach for the fruit basket in the middle of the table and pull out an apple
>Let's see...
>Hold it like this...
>Twist your forelegs outward, and...!
>The apple pops apart in your hooves, and you giggle happily
>Anonymous' trick is always fun, and gives you a snack!
>You take a big bite out of one of your apple halves
>A voice you recognize as Padlock's calls out to you
>"Hi Cookies!"
"Hi, Pad! Want some apple?"
>"I would, actually. Thanks."
>You pass him the other half, and he joins you at the break table
>"Whoa, this is a really clean split. It's that trick Inmate Anonymous taught you, right?"
"Yep! He's really nice. I don't know why everypony thinks he's scary. Well, no, I do, but he's not! He just gets upset at times, is all."
>Padlock shudders, taking a bite before he responds
>"I don't know about you, Cookies, but I think him being able to beat up a black suit when he's mad is pretty scary. The Overseer says the same thing you do, though. Is there some trick to getting him to like you?"
"Nope! Just be nice to him and he'll be nice to you. And he'll teach you fun tricks, like the apple thing!"
>"Hmmm."
>Padlock doesn't say anymore, but keeps munching on his apple
>Always a quiet guy, that one
>Still, your own words got you thinking
>It's been a few days since you got to tag along with Overseer Badge and Anon
>You should go see him again!
>Being among the prisoners will be good for keeping an eye out for trouble, too
>As soon as you finish your apple, you'll go find the big friendly hyooman!
>Heehee
>That sounds like it could be the title of a foal's book!
>As quick as you can, you eat your apple up and toss the core in the waste bin
"Well, I'm headed back out guys! Make sure to be on your routes before clubs end!"
>The other guards look surprised
>"Wait, already? But Cookies, you've only been here for half an hour!"
>You tilt your cap at a jaunty angle and smile confidently
"It's okay, I'm ready! And I have an insider among the prison population!"
>Everypony gasps, impressed
>Well, maybe Anonymous isn't really your "insider," but he's still your friend!
>You swagger out of the staff room and down the hall, ready for anything!
>Your preparedness is mostly unnecessary, however
>The halls are empty of prisoners, and only a few other guards are out and about
>But that's okay
>Just means everything is going smoothly!

>You're a prison warden who feels like she's flying despite not having wings, so you must be Warden Sharp
>He asked
>He asked!
>HE FINALLY ASKED!!
>You happily stare off into space as the quill in your magical grip signs paperwork
>Poor, sweet Brass
>All this time, he thought you didn't love him anymore!
>A good thing you had decided to be a little more blunt in your approach
>From the sound of it, Anonymous had been prodding him along too
>What a kind boy...
>...how old is that hyooman, anyways?
>He acts youthful, but always seems to have an answer
>Perhaps you shouldn't think of him as youngster, despite him teasingly calling you "mom"
>Even Anon's mysterious ways can't keep your mind off Brass for long, however
>That kiss in the cafeteria this morning...
>Ah...
>Your mind empties at the very thought, and a throaty giggle escapes you
>You're so elated you could shout your joy throughout the prison, even use the intercom to make the announcement!
>But no, that would be so embarrassing...
>Best to just let word spread by itself
>You fail to notice that you've signed the same document a dozen times as you continue to daydream
>You have a lot of vacation days saved up
>You can't remember the last time you took one
>It's the same for Brass
>Maybe you two could go somewhere?
>Manehatten is lovely this time of year
>Or maybe Baltimare, or south to Las Pegasus to get some sun
>Hm...
>It doesn't really matter to you, as long as you're with Brass
>The sound of knocking on your office door snaps you out of your happy thoughts, and you call out as you hurriedly tidy your desk
>"Yes, come in!"
>Upon seeing who your visitor is, however, you're flustered
"Brass! You don't need to knock! What is it?"
>Your head guard and special somepony gently sets the stack of papers he was carrying in his mouth onto your desk
>"Well... I thought it might be nice to work together. It's just paperwork. No reason to suffer alone."
"O-Of course. I... I think that's a lovely idea."
>You quickly clear a space next to you as Brass drags the other chair around your desk so he can sit on the same side
>The chairs are so close to each other you're almost shoulder-to-shoulder, but you wouldn't want it any other way
>You try your hardest to contain your happiness so Brass can focus on his work, and you need to get through this stack of forms
>With practiced ease, the pieces of parchment form a procession in front of you, each needing only a moment to be signed and stacked in a new, neat pile
>When the last one slides away from you and into place, you hear Brass chuckle
>"Did you even read them?"
>You feign hurt, giving him your best pouty face
"But Brass~. I wanted to get done quickly for you."
>He looks away, but you see the hint of red on his face
>"I-I know. I'm trying my best to do the same. Some of the guards have terrible mouth writing, though. I can't work their reports into my weekly one until I actually know what they did."
>You smile happily, leaning against his shoulder
"Let's work together, then! Whose is this?"
>"This one is Night Watch's. I can read the first part just fine, but it looks like he spilled his lunch on this part."
"Hmmm..."
>You try and read through the passage in question
>Something about... charades?
>Wait, no, maybe it says "bandaids"
"Do you think we could wipe it off?"
>"Not without smudging the ink. Then it'd get even worse. Aw well. I can just find Night Watch later and ask."
>Brass shuffles the stack, producing a new report
>"Oh, here we go. This one is legible. Let's see..."
>You sigh contentedly, reading along as you sneakily wrap your hooves around his barrel
>Brass pauses for a moment
>"Oh, of course! My mistake."
>What's he-
>You feel his foreleg shift, then drape itself over you, pulling you closer as he holds the report with a single hoof
>"Better?"
>You smile
"Much, yes!”

>You’re hanging out in your room with a nurse and a pegasus weirdly fond of standing perfectly still, so you’re Anon
>And as silly as they are, you wouldn’t change anything about them
>You scratch Caring’s ears while the three of you talk
>After weights club had ended, Summer didn’t have a room to go back to yet and Caring was bent on following you, so you decided to show them your room
>After a lull in conversation, Summer tapped his chin pensively, watching you scratch Caring’s ears
>”What are you doing to the nurse, Anonymous? I wanted to ask earlier, but forgot.”
>Oh
>Uh
“I’m scratching her ears. I just did it on impulse the first time, but she likes it, so…”
>You’re lying through your teeth
>You love doing this
>But you’ll never shake your ponyland sex offender status if you run around touching every cute pony you see
>Squall looks a little alarmed
>”Wait, scratching? That sounds painful!”
>Caring interjects
>”I-It’s not! It’s… ooooohhhh… It doesn’t hurt. It feels… feels…”
>Caring’s mouth hangs open for a moment, and she sighs out the last word as you give her a chance to collect herself
>”Greeeeeaaaaaat.”
>”Whoa, really? Can I try?”
>You reach for him, but hesitate
>This isn’t going to backfire, is it?
>You think Summer’s a cool guy, but you don’t want this to get weird
>Caring, however, sees no problem
>”Show him, Anon! There’s nothing wrong with the way you touch me!”
>WOW, there’s the weird
>Squall thrusts his head under your hand, and before you can even think, the feeling of his warm little pony ears sets your fingers into motion
>Your boy’s eyes widen until they look like saucers, before his mouth starts opening and closing
>For one single moment, you’re afraid you broke him
>”Whoooooaaaa… This really is…”
>Oh thank god, he can still speak
>You cut it short, unable to resist a chuckle at the look on his face as he recovers
>”Wow, Anonymous! You could do that for money!”
>And suddenly, you feel like a sex criminal again
>Caring chiming in doesn’t help
>”I think so too! But you should keep it a secret, or else everypony will want ear scratches!”
>”Oh, you’re right! Yeah, I won’t tell!”
>Your hurriedly change the subject
“So, uh, what do you think you’ll do when you get out of prison, Summer? How long do you have left on your sentence?”
>He preens his wings while he considers
>”...I don’t remember. They kept tacking more onto my sentence every time I… you know. M-Maybe Warden can help me with that, too? I gotta go home and see my ma, Anonymous. It’s been so long, she must be worried sick. And I want her to see that I’ve gotten better!”
>You smile
“I’m sure Warden will be willing to work with you on that. In the meantime, why don’t you send her a letter? Tell her things have gotten better and you’ll be released soon.”
>He brightens at the idea
>”Hey, yeah! I can go wherever I want on breaks now! I can go get some writing supplies! I- I could even do it right now! I’ll be back in a minute!!”
>And quick as the flash, he gallops out of the room, and you hear a single mighty wing flap bearing him off down the hall to parts unknown
>Caring laughs
>”You certainly cheered him up, Anon. You’re a natural."
“It’s no big deal. He’s mentioned his mom a couple times already, so I just figured he’d want to let her know how he’s doing."
>You shift around on your bed, resting your back against the wall
>Caring eagerly scoots back to keep abreast of you, leaning against your arm
>The both of you sit like that for a while in comfortable silence
>Caring speaks quietly
>”You never told me who your two other mares were, you know.”
>…You were kind of hoping she’d forgotten
“You wouldn’t believe me if I did.”
>”Oh? Is that because one of them is… Warden?!”
>Whoa, what?
“Um, no. That’s not even true. What makes you think that?”
>She looks genuinely surprised to be wrong
>”Wait, really? I thought for sure… She’s always so nice to you and comes to see you sometimes! She doesn’t usually do that for prisoners!”
“Warden’s nice to everyone. Besides, she’s seeing someone else.”
>The little nurse gasps, eyes wide
>”Really? Who?!”
>You chuckle
“Tsk tsk. The prison nurse, engaging in gossip?”
>”It’s not gossip if it’s true, Anon! And it’s true, right? You wouldn’t lie to me.”
>That sentence gets you
>She said it innocently enough
>But you’ve done plenty of deceiving since getting here
>…Maybe your nurse can help get some weight off your chest
>You look down at her, speaking tentatively
“Caring, can I tell you a secret?”
>Her face takes on an eager, conspiratorial look, like a child being let into a secret club
>”Of course. Nurses always keep their patients’ secrets.”
>Heh
>You rest a hand on her withers as you begin unpacking
“I already told you I’m not from here. I’m from very far away place. But someone brought me here because he was hoping I could help him with something. That something is a secret too, and I can’t tell you that one, but… I’m scared. I’ve never done this thing before. And as it gets closer, I start to wonder if he got the wrong guy for the job.”
>”Oh… Can’t you tell him that? Can’t he find someone else? I don’t like the sound of this, Anon. Who is it who wanted your help?”
“I don’t think I should tell you that either. But it has to be me. I’m the only human in Equestria. It has to be a human. Or so he told me, at least. If I can’t do it, then-”
>Then some unholy creature with a giant ball of bad feelings will be free to run loose on your favorite pastel paradise
“-bad things will happen. I want to help everybody if I can.”
>You want to protect them
>The princesses
>Your chaperone and warden
>Your nurse
>Cookies
>All the silly criminals, big and small, that you’ve met since you came here
>Your hands tighten into fists
“My point is that someone expects a lot from me, Caring. A lot of ponies are counting on me.”
>Even if they don’t know it
“I’m scared that I might not be strong enough to do what’s needed. But even more scared of what will happen if I don’t try.”
>Her mouth opens and closes, and she struggles to find something to say
>”I… I think… Oh Anonymous… I don’t know how to…”
“It’s alright, Caring. I just needed to tell someone. I wasn’t counting on you having an answer.”
>You run a hand up and down her neck, petting her mane, but she pushes it off, instead pouncing on you
>”But-! But you need one! That sounds so scary! It sounds like you might hurt yourself, and I don’t want that! Whatever it is, please don’t make yourself do it. C-Can’t they find another human?”
>He could
>But then you’d be sent back to Earth
“Caring, it’s okay-“
>”NO IT ISN’T!”
>You startle, staring wide-eyed down at the thoroughly incensed nurse in your lap
>”Listen to me, Anon! It doesn’t matter what they offered you, or how many ponies you think are counting on you, or whatever! If you’re scared, and if you think you might get hurt - you keep talking like you will - then you don’t have to do it! You being scared like this scares me, but you wanting to do whatever this is anyway scares me even more and I don’t even know what it is!”
>Tearing up, she leans her face against your chest as she continues
>”And that’s another thing, too. I don’t want anymore secrets. Please. I like you so much. I… I don’t care if there are already two mares in your life. That’s what my heart says. I just… I just want you to let me help you. Let me take care of you!”
>Dumbstruck, you wrap your arms around Caring and squeeze
>Your heart feels like it’s tearing in two
>You can smell her mane
>Its smell reminds you of those small lollipops doctors used to give out when you were young
>When you finally respond, your voice cracks slightly
“But it’s insane, Caring. I’m scared you won’t believe me. I wouldn’t believe me. If someone told me a week ago that all this was going to happen, I’d have laughed in his face.”
>Her forelegs wrap around you as tight as she can muster, and her voice sounds as resolute as any human woman’s would
>”I’ll believe you. I promise. Please tell me.”
>Your mind gropes for a lie out of habit, but you push those thoughts aside
>You’ll come clean
>You need to, just once
>And who better than a nurse?
>You slowly relate the entire story
>It’s all so zany, so outlandish to you that you can remember down to the taste of the chocolate milk Discord gave you
>She doesn’t say anything, just slowly rubs her cheek against your chest until your finish
“After Discord was done talking to me, he just vanished. I’m still waiting for him, but he’s bound to come back soon.”
>Her head doesn’t move from your chest as she responds
>”…Wow.”
>You manage a snort
“Yeah. That’s… That’s one way to put it.”
>”This is- It’s so much to… to…”
“I know. It’s alright. I’ve been keeping this all a secret since I got here. It just piled up. I’m sorry. There’s something else, Caring. One more secret. Something I have to tell someone. I- I’m not a god, no matter what anyone else might tell you. I’m not some ancient being. I’m just some college student who got yanked through a portal. I went along with it because I thought it was funny, and I wanted their help, but now- now I have have pay my dues for lying, I guess. But whatever this thing is, I have to get rid of it. No one else can.”
>You let out a hollow laugh
“It’s almost like a folk story. Or a myth. I took a deal with the devil, thinking I could become a god, and now I’m about to be reminded that I’m anything but.”
>”Don’t say that!”
>She clutches you tightly, her forelegs straining to completely encircle you
>”I-I don’t know about folk tales or the devil or- or anything like that, but I know you aren’t a bad person, Anon! I KNOW it! A-And if ponies think you’re a god, it’s because you’re strong, and impressive! The princesses can do almost anything, and so can you, so what’s the difference?”
“No, that’s not-“
>”It doesn’t matter!”
>Her shrilling overrides your protest
>She sniffles against your chest
>”P-Please don’t say that you deserve bad things to happen to you. I’ll k-keep your secret forever. And if you have to get into another fight, then just come find me after and I’ll take care of you. No matter what happens. Okay?”
>She squeaks out the last word
>You’re silent for a few moments before squeezing her, trying to keep your voice from wavering
“Okay."
>The two of you cling to each other for a time, until the excited flapping of wings heralds Summer’s return
>Your confidante hastily slides off your lap, wiping her eyes and squeezing your hand with both hooves before doing her best to look natural
>You too take a deep breath
>Your chest feels a little lighter, and you greet your newest friend with a genuine smile
“Find that writing stuff?”
>”Yeah!”
>Summer happily lays out a jumble of stuff on your table, pausing to look up
>”Uh… Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Why do you ask?”
>”I just got this weird feeling… Never mind. So, can you help me with this? I’m not really sure what I should write.”
“Well, what do you want to tell your mom?”
>”That I’m okay! And I’m all better! And I might get out soon!”
“So do that.”
>Summer sets to work and you turn away for a few moments to make sure Caring’s alright
>She meets your gaze readily, and gives you the same peppy nurse smile you’ve grown accustomed to as she joins you at the table
>Just as she makes herself comfortable, Summer proclaims triumphantly
>”Done!”
>Wait, already?
>You turn to look, and burst out laughing at the sight of a single line scratched out on a sheet of stationery:
>Hey Ma, I’ve gotten cured of my twitches! I’m gonna get out soon!
“Hahaha! C’mon, man, you can’t just leave her hanging like that. Tell her the whole story!”
>”Oh, good point. She’d like that.”
>After he crumples up the first sheet and starts over on a new one, you help him write his mom a nice letter
>Caring chimes in occasionally, but is content to smile and watch as Summer pens his words down
>He works slowly, painstakingly inscribing his message in neat cursive
>”It’s been a while, so my wing writing is shaky. What do you two think? Does it look good?”
>Better than your cursive for sure
“Definitely. I’m sure she’ll be happy.”
>Caring takes over for the next part, since you have no experience with wax seals
>It’s kind of cool, actually
>Using a small candle and ladle summer brought, she melts a little block of wax, then pours it into a dollop on the lip of the closed envelope
>As she presses a metal stamp to the hot glob on the back, there’s a knock at the door
>”Anonymous, are you in there? It’s Cookies!”
>You rise, crossing the room with a couple quick strides and opening the door
“Hey Cookies, good to see you!”
>She happily trots in, but freezes at the sight of the burning candle on your table
>”Whoa! Prisoner in possession of an open flame!”
>Your nurse covers for you
>”Cookies, it’s alright! We’re just sealing a letter, and I’m supervising.”
>The little guard scratches her chin for a moment, but relents
>”Hmmm… I guess there’s no danger, then. Why are you here, Nurse Touch? And why isn’t this inmate in uniform?”
>The fact that no one seems to recognize Summer without his black uniform and constant twitches gets a giggle out of you
>Your boy rises and introduces himself
>”Hello, I’m Summer Squall! I, uh… just got moved to the red suit wing today. I’m still waiting for my uniform.”
>”Oh! Well, that’s no problem then. It’s nice to meet you, Summer.”
>And just like that, she takes a seat at your small table
>A guard, inmate, and nurse sitting and talking as if it were the most natural thing in the world
>You smile at the sight before claiming the last seat for yourself
>Time flows on through the happy, idle chatter, until Cookies seems to remember something
>”Anon! I actually mean to ask you, do you know any more fun tricks like the apple-splitting one?”
“Hah! Let me see… How about…”
>The nearby candle reminds you of a good one
“Okay, for this one I’ll need another source of flame along with this candle.”
>You place the candle right in front of you while Summer passes you the box of matches he brought
>Cookies is intrigued, but a little nervous
>”This isn’t about putting out a candle with my bare hooves, is it? That’s scary…”
“No, don’t worry. I’ll show you how to rekindle a candle without even touching it!”
>You strike a match then blow out the candle
>After a good bit of smoke goes up, you touch the match to the faint trail, and…!
>A tiny drop of flame seems to devour the smoke, following its trail down to the wick as the candle reignites
>Cookies is ecstatic
>”Woooooow! That was super neat! I wanna try!”
>You indulge the happy little guard, passing her the box of matches and blowing out the candle again
>Summer and Caring take turns after her, and between the three of them the box of matches quickly dwindles to empty
>Eventually it’s time for lunch, and the four of you spill out into the hallway to walk to the cafeteria
>Summer drops off his letter at the post office on the way there
>As ever, your pals from the weights club are waiting for you with tables pushed together
>Your fellow criminals greet you
>”Hey Boss!”
>”Got a seat for you right here, big guy!”
>”Whoa, is Cookies on our side now too? We’ll have all the guards at this rate.”
>You keep quiet more than usual, content to listen to the others talk
>Cookies setting the record straight about her loyalties
>Summer eagerly discussing the details of red suit cells, seemingly excited to have an unlocked door
>You feel a tap on your back, and turn to discover Brass and Warden standing behind you
>”Hi Anon! Mind scooting over?”
“Not at all, Brass. Was hoping you’d swing by for lunch. Same for you, Warden.”
>The two prison staffers clamber into the space you create next to you
>Warden smiles at you
>”Did you need us for something, Anon?”
“Not in particular. Just wanted to have lunch with all my friends.”
>And that’s precisely what you do
>Lunch passes with no issue
>Everyone’s happy
>The bell chimes, and the inmates head off to their afternoon naps
>Caring hugs you farewell
>She can’t put off her desk work forever
>She whispers before you part
>”I’ll always help you. Don’t forget.”
>Before you can respond, she’s halfway down the hall
>Cookies waves as she gallops away, eager to demonstrate her new “skill” to the other guards
>Brass and Warden rub noses before she returns to her office, and you stifle a snicker at the goofy grin on his face
>Both Summer and Brass crash in your room for the post-lunch snooze, then the three of you head out into the mild Equestrian sun for recess
>The young pegasus wastes no time hunting down more clubs to join
>Little guy’s eager to catch up on all the fun he should have been having up until now
>As for you, you’re content to stretch out on the grass and relax
>You realize you’ve been smiling for quite some time
>Your face is a little sore, unused to holding that expression for so long
>Recess, too, flies by
>You spend dinner in the same way as lunch
>Happy, and surrounded by friends
>Summer gets his new uniform and cell afterwards
>It’s not far from your own, and after he stops jumping excitedly on his bed he bids you goodnight
>You and Brass make the return trip to your own quarters in solitude, giving you the opportunity you needed
“Say, Brass.”
>”Yeah, Anon?”
“I might disappear soon. Can’t tell you exactly when, but you won’t have to wait long. Got some stuff I need to take care of. Don’t worry when it happens, alright? I’ll be back.”
>Brass gives you a funny look, before shaking his head
>”I forget what you really are sometimes. That’s fine, I guess I can’t stop you. But make it fast, okay? You’ll be missed around here. I can’t even imagine the havoc your gang will cause when they find out you’re gone.”
“Heh. I’ll try my best. No matter how it turns out, I want you to know I couldn’t ask for a better prison chaperone or friend. Let’s get drunk together when I get out of the slammer.”
>He laughs
>”It’d take an ocean of cider to get you drunk! But sure, we can try. I’m glad we’re friends too, Anon. I think… I think you coming here has made a lot of ponies happy. Not just me.”
>You kneel and give your brother a hug
“Me too, bud. I’m really happy to have been able to be here.”
>After a manly embrace, your boy departs
>Finally alone, you step into your room, locking the door behind you
>Almost ready
>You only have one pony to explain your coming absence to
>You turn the lights out and climb into bed
>Slowly, you feel the dream overtaking you…

>The lights of countless billions of faraway stars greet you when next you open your eyes
>And the sensation of warm, comforting, oddly pliable forelegs wrapped around you
>Luna happily greets you
>”At last! There you are, my sweet. I find it’s become more and more of a challenge to wait for you each night.”
>You give her a squeeze, burying your face in her mane as you respond
“And I’ve started to look forward to this more and more. Dreaming with you is a lot of fun.”
>She puffs her chest out proudly
>”But of course! I’ll have you know I studied fun intensely after my return. And I must say…”
>She pulls back from you briefly, taking only the time necessary to find your lips with hers
>Here in dreamland, it’s hard to tell how long anything lasts, but you feel like this smooch goes on for a few minutes at least
>When Luna finally pulls back, she giggles dazedly
>”Mmmmhmhmhm… Er… What was I saying?”
“Something about fun.”
>”Yes, of course! I wished to say… Being with you is my favorite sort of fun.”
>You get that burning sensation in your cheeks again
“Mine too. I mean, being with you is… you know what I mean.”
>She presses her nose to yours, smiling softly
>”I most assuredly do.”
>Your heartbeat’s so strong she can probably feel it on her chest
>You have to tell her
>Tell her, and promise her a thousand times that you’ll come back
>You open your mouth and the words spill out
>Just as you feared, her happy mood quickly vanishes
>”But- but- Alone? I cannot accompany you? What task could possibly be so momentous? And you were to move to the castle tomorrow!”
“I know. I’m sorry. But I’ll deal with it as quickly as I can. I hate to make you wait even more, but once it’s done, I’ll come right back to you.”
>Luna averts her eyes, but you can clearly see the pout in her expression
“Please don’t be mad. I know it’s unreasonable, but I’ll make up for it. Whatever it takes.”
>After fruitlessly trying to get her to look at you, she speaks
>”Promise to me. With one of Laughter’s unbreakable vows.”
“What? What is that?”
>”The Element of Laughter. She is a strange little mare, but she can bind any two together in a promise. If you break it, she will find you and hold you to it.”
>You’re not sure if that’s supposed to be scary or not
>But if it makes her feel better…
“How do we do it?”
>“Repeat after me.”
>She leads you through the motions and the chant, and you have to disguise a chuckle as a cough
>It’s just “cross my heart and hope to die” with the words changed
>But you dutifully follow her lead and make your promise
“I promise to come back safely, in one piece, and live in Canterlot Castle.”
>Luna nods solemnly in approval before resting her head on your shoulder
>”There. My heart is at ease.”
>The dream contorts and remolds around you, until you and Luna are cuddled up on a sumptuous bed in a large room
>Wait…
>You’ve been here before!
>In a dream at least
>It’s her room!
>”I’d hoped to give you a proper tour of my room in person, but since you’re dashing off to some mighty endeavor… I would rather do it now.”
>She rises from the bed and beckons you to do the same
>Your feet sink into the plush carpet as you slowly circle the room, taking it all in
>Luna is beside you all the while, pointing out little pieces of memorabilia and various treasures of hers
>”This telescope is ancient, a gift from the pony who first developed one powerful enough to look at my stars in detail. And that painting beside the window is of my great triumph over the yaks, when I led the forces that repulsed them from Galloping Gorge. And here is my private library, of sorts. I quite enjoy reading. Do you, Anon?”
“Absolutely. I haven’t had much of a chance recently, but we could read together when I get here.”
>Luna claps her hooves excitedly
>”An excellent idea! It shall be a busy few days when you first arrive, but when all the hustle and bustle is done, we shall finally have time to ourselves. We’ll be able to read, and make new constellations, and… Anything!”
>The two of you conclude the circuit of the room and Luna leaps back onto her bed, picking up a pillow to show you with a proud smile
>”And finally, these pillow cases are made from those taken from the pillows wielded by the griffons in an ancient invasion of Equestria. After Sister and I trounced them, I demanded that they relinquish their armaments to me, and had these made as a reminder.”
>You laugh, sitting on the bed next to her
“What a mighty princess! Let me see. Do you keep dragons, too?”
>”Dragons? No, but Sister gave an infant one to her student. I haven’t the faintest idea where she found the egg.”
>You turn the pillow over in your hands, and sure enough the case is patchwork of many others, the varying designs and colors clashing together
>Their feel of wear is a testament to their age, but otherwise the pillows are as puffy and soft as one would expect of a princess’ bed
>You place the pillow back on the small pile at the headboard and lay back
>You don’t even have to say anything, just open your arms for Luna to press herself against you once more
>”Mmmm. I hope you enjoy my bed. You’ll be spending much time in it.”
“Heh heh heh. Very much. And I certainly will, but not all of it will be sleeping.”
>Luna’s eyes meet yours, and for the first time since you came here, you see not just childlike love, but a bit of lust in them
>”Sister spoke of that, briefly… She was afraid to receive the entirety of your love.”
>Luna slowly shifts, climbing atop you to mimic how Celestia pinned you down during your second meeting with her
>”I, however, am the more courageous by far. You shan’t frighten me away, sweet Anonymous.”
“We’ll see. C’mere!”
>Your hands roughly grab hold of her flanks, squeezing tight
>Luna gasps sharply, wings fluttering as she wriggles beneath your touch
>”Mmm! This… This is…”
“Shhhh. I’m just getting started.”
>You rub and knead with gusto, enjoying the feel of her pert princess posterior
>Luna’s swanlike neck keeps her lips out of reach of yours in this position, but in exchange your hands can reach almost anywhere else
>And your fingers are eager to explore
>Her breath quickens, and you hear her wings flap and flutter as she fidgets
>”Mmmph… Anon, what should I…?”
“Just relax.”
>”Nay, I- I want to touch you too!”
>C-Cute
“Just a few more minutes.”
>She begins to slip more and more into her antiquated speech as she grows more flustered
>”Thou art -eee!- a tease! We do not wish to be doted upon so! We wish -ohhh- to love you in equal measure!”
>Alright, even you have to relent after hearing that
>You shift beneath her, pulling yourself up to lay back against her high stack of pillows while pushing her backwards slightly
>Her hooves slowly rub up and down your chest from her new position, and she smiles coyly
“Better?”
>”Yes.”
>The buttons on your prison shirt come undone in a blue glow, and Luna nuzzles your exposed chest
>”Then, shall we begin? Is this arrangement amenable?”
>You adjust a bit, setting her in your lap so the working parts will be closer to each other
“We’ll start like this. Tell me if it hurts.”
>You reach for her crotch, but stop
>You just remembered what happened the first time she visited you in your dreams
>And that was just from belly rubs
“Wait, Luna. Won’t the dream collapse if it feels too good for you?”
>Her face runs a gamut of expressions from realization, to shock, to embarrassed frustration, to resignation
>”Well, I… Yes. But… I wish to. Even if it cuts our time together short…”
>You stroke her cheek with a thumb
“Okay. Here we go.”
>You reach down again with your other hand, running your fingertips over her coat until you find her slit
>Your fly comes undone in a blue glow, and the aura creeps tentatively inward, until a tingling sensation engulfs your half-hard junior.
>Luna gasps softly, both in response to your touch and in excitement for what she’s found
>Your junk emerges, gently released from its prison into Luna’s eager hooves
>You trace her entrance with a finger before pressing inward
>Her breath hitches, and you don’t stop until your bottom knuckle rests against her labia
>She’s warm and snug, and your fingertip runs circles around her tunnel, seeing if you can find any sweet spots
>”Eek!”
>Oho, there's one!
>You hone in on it, pressing down into her inner wall as her hooves eagerly stroke your dick
>It… feels better than you expected, actually
>Her hooves are oddly soft
>Her magic never lets up either, keeping your member under a constant barrage of rubs and tingles
>Your harden up in short order
>Luna’s cheeks are ablaze now, the red visible even through the blue of her coat
>She magically squeezes and prods at your dick as her hooves continue to move, their soft centers rubbing against your tip
>”A-Are you ready, my sweet? I have some idea of how it is done. And… Mmmmm… I am eager to begin.”
>Your own breathing is heavy now, your voice slightly shaking
“Me too. Let’s do it.”
>Your finger slides out of her, trailing clear fluid, and you hold on to her flanks while you line her up with your shaft
>Your tip parts her lower lips
“There… Now just sink onto it slowly-“
>The eager, horny princess does the exact opposite before you can finish
>Her hips drop onto yours with her entire weight behind them, and she chokes back a pained gasp
“Luna!”
>”Ugh… this is… i-is it meant to hurt so…?”
“It’ll pass. Just relax. I won’t move until you’re ready.”
>Your grip on her flanks changes to an embrace as you pull her close, doing your best to soothe her
>Her breathing is harsh; she squeezes you so hard it’s a little uncomfortable
>But you endure
>It’s the least you could do
>Luna slowly begins to rock against you as her whimpering subsides
>You rub the sides of her barrel in encouragement, neither of you speaking
>Just enjoying the moment, even if it’s just a dream
>She slowly gyrates in your lap, her harsh, labored breathing turning to gentle gasps and moans
>When you think she’s adjusted you begin grinding against her, matching her pace
>Her dark blue eyes look into yours, speaking breathlessly
>”Ah… Yes- Now I see… Mmm..!”
“Better now?”
>”Yes. Oh, yes. May I-?”
“Anything you like. It’s all about you right now.”
>”You are so insufferably gentle. I will, but you must move more as well. For me?”
>A chuckle and another kiss are all she gets in response
>The two of you settle into a rhythm, slowly speeding up
>Soon, grinding doesn’t cut it, and your hands seize hold of her shapely bottom once again
>You lean back against her pillows as she bounces on you and you thrust up into her
>Luna’s tongue lolls out of her mouth, and she doesn’t bother to try and contain her voice
>Neither do you
>In some part of your mind not totally focused on pleasuring a princess, you note the dream flickering and crumbling around the both of you
>Luna sees it too
>”A-Anonymous! Ahhh, Sweetest Anonymous! S-Swear to me again! That you will return!”
“I will! I’ll be back, and when I do, you’ll be mine, Luna! All mine!!”
>With a squeal, she throws her head back, and it all comes apart

Uh, I guess this is the maximum file size. See part 2: https://pastebin.com/v07GB15z