>Oh. Hai.
>You're staring dumbly at the princess of the night, Luna... uh. What IS her last name?
>That's gonna bug you. Why do some pones have two names, and others just one? And some names are obviously family names - like the Cakes, so...
>While you're thinking the two feathered demons take it upon themselves to shift the blame
>"Help us, your majesty! He's using his magical horn powers to force us to tease him for some sick pleasure!"
>"We know his horn is located in his pants, here~"
>Hard Time caresses your inner thigh
>Your arm reacts on reflex with a bottle of nope.jpg
>With a satisfying *THUNK* you knock the little pone right the fuck out
"Uh. UH."
>Oh hey there brain thanks for catching up. Don't worry, reflex was here to save the day
"I can explain."
>Luna wears a look that's alternating between furious, curious and a couple other -iouses.
>"ANON THE STALLION HUMAN, YOU WILL CEASE YOUR ATTACKS AT ONCE."
"Wait don't I even get to-"
>"DO NOT TALK BACK TO YOUR BETTERS."
>dafuq did this pone just say to you
"Very well."
>Luna smiles. "That's be-"
"What else does princess moonbottom demand?"
>Luna's smile ends. "Colt, why must you be so difficult? Let the wardens search you, and then maybe we-"
"What is this Maybe bullshit?! No, no. You don't just get to manhandle me - I didn't even do anything! Where the fuck are you-"
>"If you'll excuse me, Anon?" Luna levitates out a scroll - it's the same one Twilight sent off a few hours ago. "Apparently you teased two colt-less herds, obviously in some twisted bid of power."
"Uh, no, I tried to buy carrots. See, appa-"
>Luna continues. "But if that wasn't enough, you didn't step in and present yourself to either - even when they were locked in mortal combat!"
"They were dancing, I don-"
>Luna's voice rises as she continues. "Not only THAT, but you wholly ignored them! The riot you created was an excuse for you to loot the town proper!"
"I was buying f-"
>"AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T PRESENTED YOURSELF."
>She wants a present? FINE THEN
>You grip your crotch through your pants
"DEEZ NUTS, SON."
>Gang signs everywhere
>Luna is.... actually not reacting
>Well that's not good.
>Actually thinking about it, antagonizing a demigoddess who runs the judicial system of this nation when night falls is an overall poor-
>"We have come up with a plan."
>-wait what's this now?
"Uh?"
>Luna smiles. "Don't worry your little head on such matters - I fear they might be beyond your ken."
"I preferred Ryu, honestly."
>Luna just....looks at you, with that same small smile on her muzzle

>ok you're now creeped right the fuck out
>"Stallion, I do not know how your culture or law is administered where you come from, and it is obvious you do not understand your place in your new home. So, I, as your benevolent and ever-loved princess, shall hoof-prepare you for a proper life."
"Umm... ok so I don't really want job training, I mean I can figu-"
>Luna laughs. "A job?! Haha, oh colt, no. I shall prepare you for a life of raising your foals and caring for your herd - whichever one it is you pick."
"Like hell you will."
>"Now now, stallion. I insist on educating you properly. What mare wouldn't want a hoof-trained stallion, and by royalty!"
"I'm an independent man who don't need no mare"
>She stomps the ground twice, and two batpony guards show up on either side of her
>Dangit they just BLED out of the shadows
>creepy as fuck
>"I insist."
>You just stare at her
>Fudge Packer takes this awkward silence as the opportune time to paw at your zipper
>On reflex, yet again, you knock that little pone right the fuck out.
>*THUNK*
>Neither you nor Luna flinch.
"FOR FRODO!"
>You launch yourself at Luna with wild abandon
* * *
>Historians will forever debate what happened that night
>The Night Guard insists it was capable and able to defend their princess from the gentle flailing of a confused stallion
>Luna is tight-lipped about the matter, even decades after Anon's death due to extreme, magically-enhanced old age
>Anon's only recorded comment was that he "let his autism flow", but we don't know what this autism is or how it helped.
>But you, gentle reader, get a front row seat to quite possibly the battle of the century, and proof of man's dominance of the stars.
* * *
"NYYYEERROOOO"
>You start windmilling your arms as you rush the princess, making sure to make killbot noises with your mouth
>It seems to be working - Luna looks quite shocked
>"E-enough, Anon! Stop th-"
>"Princess!" Yell the two guards as they dash infront of her, blocking her body from your swings
>The foremost guard readies her battle stance. "Twoo! Twit-"*THUNK*
>The second guard, albeit scared, ruffles up her chestfur as fluffy as she can. "For Equestria! Tw-" *THUNK*
>Two little pones knocked the fuck out, you realize that you ARE a killbot
>Grinning, you speed up your swinging
>Luna starts to back away. "N-now Anon, I do not wish to harm you - after all, you're just scared and confused-"
"NYYEEERROOOMMMMNNNYYYYEERRROOOMMM"
>KILLBOT ANON WILL NOT BE APPEASED
>You gonna break the fuck outta here
>You make a final push towards luna, who teleports out of the way
>This surprises you, to say the least. You stop your killbotting, surveying the damage you've done
>4 little pones knocked right the fuck out
>No authority figure in sight
>open cell door.

>After doing the right thing
>(By which I mean positioning the unconscious guards together in lewd positions)
>You start making your way out of the station
>Man this was easy. You should hit all pones with a wine bottle
>So far it's 4 for 4
>You boldly kick open the door and woahjeez-
>There has to be at least 20 night guards out there
>WOW they do not look happy
>Luna's in the center, her mane flowing in the nonexistant wind
>Now that you think about it, that's kinda creepy
>"ANON"
"No!"
>"ANON I HAVEN'T EVEN-"
"No!"
>Luna paws at the ground, muttering to herself.
>"GUARD!"
>"YES, PRINCESS!"
"I said No!"
>"PREPARE THE SOFT CELL."
>"YES, PRINCESS!"
"No seriously what the fuck. Where's twi-"
>But you don't get that far
>Apparently preparing the "soft cell" means being draped in a bunch of really really comfortable blankets
>Granted, they're the size of tarps, but still
>You let the first few fall over you, and Luna smirks
>Dis nigga be serious?
>You start up the windmill, but ZOUNDS
>The fabric has betrayed you by constricting your movements!
>You begin to struggle as more and more blankets are piled on you
>Someone takes out your legs and you're basically bundled up
>Everything is muffled
>You think you hear a guardspony yell "This is for Night Shade! Twoo! Twit Twee~"
>Sounds of a scuffle and someone else saying "Let it go, Quicksilver, let it go" and "That's not how we do in the guard, come on, he's not worth it"
>"HUZZAH! Good show, my young ponies. Now, take him to the castle - we must begin acclimation at once!"
>Uh. 
>That sounds slightly ominous.
>Your contents shift, and you believe yourself to be in transit
>You can tell with your superior human inner ear
>And the fact that, yanno. You usually do not hear the grunt of guards flapping their wings and carrying your fat ass around
>Ah well. Time for a strategic in-flight nap.

>You awake with a start
>Being dropped on the floor will do that to you
>Muffled conversation then silence
"Anyone there?"
>The sound of a door shuts
"....promise?"
>"No."
>Dangit. You start to unbind yourself, channeling your inner 5-year-old, flailing and kicking your limbs to escape your cloth prison
>Eventually your head breaks above the cloth ocean, and the first thing you see is Luna giving you that smug fucking smirk
>You narrow your eyes at her
"So we meet again."
>"Stallion, this is for your own good. I abhor using violence against those with a delicate constitution, so the soft cell is the only solution left to me. We couldn't have you chipping a hoo-eer, ...hand?"
>You stand up, stretching a bit
>Yeah you're pissed but fuck that was comfy and all sorts of warm
>You're almost not even mad
>almost
"Ok, so where do we go from here? I mean, I'm pretty sure Twilight and the other elements will wonder where the hell I am. Not to mention, can you even kidnap someone against their will?"
>You fake astonishment
"What would Celestia say?!"
>Luna just keeps grinning. "In any other scenario, you would be right. But, my little confused colt, I am preparing you for a better future here amongst our ponies! When Celestia sees you in a few weeks-"
>wait weeks
>"-she will be astounded at your transformation! And then she will have no choice but to let us rule without oversight once again! No more shall she call our methods 'outdated' or 'archaic' or 'fundamental abuse of rights'! We shall be VINDICATED!"
>You purse your lips together
"Yeah how about none of that. We can go hit up a bar. Will that be an acceptable compromise?"
>"No. Now." She clops her hoof against the stone floor
>Immediately all sorts of instruments magically appearify on the walls
>Looking around, it seems you're in a large, circular room
>The balcony would betray it as somewhere high, but other than that, you don't know nothin

>"We shall begin with a task that should be easy for your sex: Cooking!"
>Wh. No. Fuck you, whiskey and cereal is the breakfast of kings!
>"I shall help you learn delicacies that will make any mares mouth water! As they say, 'when the dick stops twitchin' get back to the kitchen!' This will be very useful for non-estrus seasons, an-"
>You double over with laughter
>You just can't get over what the just said. Was that an attempt at using a modern colloquialism? SRSLY?
>Luna is not amused.
>"Anon! If you do not take this seriously I don't know what to do! Providing a nutritious dinner for your foals and the mares who will take care of you is extremely important!"
>You got an idea to speed this lesson up
>Kneeling, you start rummaging around in the blanket pile for your basket
>Luna just keeps talking. "...hard day's work, you should be there, with a clean house and a quick, warm meal!"
"I've got a quick meal for ya! But it ain't warm, sorry."
>"What on e-"
"HYAH!"
>You throw a loaf of french bread with your MAD BAR DART-THROWIN' SKILLS
>it lands perfectly in her mouth, shutting her up AND feeding her
>Luna just stops trying to talk. She cannot believe that just happened
"Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
>You can
>You da real MVP
>You start taking a congratulatory lap around the uh. Circular stone sexist horse prison you seem to be in.
>"ANONYMOUS IF YOU DO N-" Luna stops herself and breathes in deep
>You stop in mid-run, arms still in the air
>"Very well. It seems very apparent that the only way to make you into a proper subservient stallion..."
>Various implements around the room begin to glow. Not all of them look comfortable.
>"...is to break you in."
>A whip gently rubs against your cheek, caught in Luna's glow
>You stare at her, lips pursed once again
"How about no"
>"How about I don't care what you think?"
>Magic starts tugging at your clothing
"I don't wanna do this~!"
>"That's the spirit!"


>"And please don't worry, colt. Although I have not felt the touch of a stallion in well over a thousand years"
>She shudders a bit.
>No pls
>"I promise to be [spoiler] gentle yet firm. [/spoiler]
>Your clothing, although designed well by drama marshmallow, cannot take the tugging and eventually rips
>Now it's just you, your boxers, and a possibly sex-deprived princess.
>She tries to pick you up, but her magic quickly fizzles out
>"Tsk. That's right, natural immunity. Ah well. Be a good colt and chain yourself to the wall?"
>Is dis nigga SERIOUS
"Is there anything that I can say or do to get out of this?"
>Luna smiles. "There's plenty you can do... and if you do it well, who knows? Maybe we keep you to ourself! Wouldn't that be grand?! You can lay around all day, caring for me, and when my duties are over we can engage in nuptials!"
>No, Anon
>You might be going out, but you ain't goin out like a bitch
>You grip the whip with your hand, her magical glow fizzling out
>Good to know
>You unroll it, striking a dominant pose
>Luna quirks an eyebrow.
>"Anon, ple-"
"YOUR NAME-"
>You crack the whip infront of Luna and she shies back
>"Anon! Stop thi-"
"-IS TOBY."
>You crack the whip again, and her magic falters on some of her floaty items-of-rape
>You two trade facial expressions - she's now looking at you with a frown, and you've got this wide grin on your face.
>Luna spreads her legs out in a defensive stance
>"I WILL NOT BE DOMINATED BY A -"
"I SAID YOUR NAME-"
>"-WEAK STALLION SUCH AS-"
>*CRACK*
>"-eep!"
"-IS TOBY."