Anon’s Character Sheet https://pastebin.com/yBryqVvE

>Glancing down at the piece of paper in your hand, you grumble in frustration.
>You bet the best detective in the world couldn’t decipher earth pony penmanship.
>The address is barely legible.
>You’d think since headed to the local police station, directions would be easy enough to get.
>It’s a shame that most ponies are still terrified of you.
>It takes all afternoon, but you soon find yourself standing outside of the building in question.
>You wonder if you’re even legally required to answer their questions.
>There’s more important stuff to worry about right now.
>Before today, you were a humble baker in a “less than safe” neighborhood.
>Of course it was a bunch of horseshit.
>It was nicer than any place you ever lived back on Earth.
>And mommy and daddy didn’t raise you in any kind of slum.
>A million other things you -should- be doing crosses your mind.
>As of now, you’re out of a home and you’re in dire need of cash.
>If the growling in your stomach is any indication, you’re also famished.
>You’re half tempted to start a life of crime if it can get food in your stomach.
>”Hello?” Someone says, pulling you out of your thoughts.
>You look down at a light pink colored unicorn mare who is sporting a red-orange mane.
 
 
>She seems to be wearing some detective garb.
”Uhh...”
>Her face is hard to read as she looks you over, bright green eyes studying your features.
>Letting out a soft knicker, something you’ve seen ponies do to children-
>Err... fillies, colts or mindless animals, she continues.
>”Is there some reason you’re standing out here big guy? Are you lost?”
>You don’t know whether you should feel insulted or not. 
>Though you’re guilty of doing the same, before you knew these ponies were sapient.
”Yeah, I’m here to give a witness statement to... hmm.” 
>You glance down at the paper and try to decipher the name of the pony from the myriad of scribbles.
>It could be a ‘G’ though it could also be a ‘S.’
>The mare’s eyes widen when you speak, but she nods all the same.
>You lean down and show her the piece of paper.
>”Ahh, Chief Silver Spur.” Looks like you found the world's best detective.
>”Wow, that’s. You’re-” She bites her tongue and blushes a bit in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry. Please, follow me.”
>As you step inside, several ponies shoot you nervous glances.
>The unicorn seems to be oblivious as she looks to the ground, mumbling something to herself.
>Once you’re in a barren hallway, save for you and the detective, she looks up at you.
 
 
>”Those ponies were staring an awful much, weren’t they?”
“… Yeah,” you drone, your steps starting to falter from the hunger.
>She gives you a warm smile and stops. 
>”This is the interrogation room. Make yourself comfortable while I go get the Chief for you.”
”But, I’m-”
>”You’re not in trouble, don’t worry. You look famished though, I’ll send somepony to get you something to eat okay?”
>This mare is more perceptive than you initially thought.
“Sure.”
>She leaves you with a curt nod and smile as you enter the room.
>It’s... not unlike a preschool classroom. 
>There’s a small table with building blocks on the side, some crayons strewn about, and beanbags in the middle of the floor.
>A stark contrast from the frigid empty looking interrogation rooms you saw on T.V. when you were on Earth.
>You feel someone bump into your leg.
>Looking down, you see a familiar light brown pegasus mare grinning up at you.
>She puts a large paper bag down on the floor.
>”Anon! How’re ya doin, pal?”
”Hazy? You work here?” 
>You give your favorite customer a light pat on her head.
 
 
>”This is the only ponice station in the city, Anon.”
>...Ponice?
>You thought that was some kind of mistake on the address.
>”Here, I got you some donuts.” She grins, pushing the paper bag closer to your feet. ”They’re not as good as the ones you make though.”
>You lean down and pick up the bag, eyeing it hungrily. 
”Yeah, tastes awful,” you smile, biting into one.
>”Detective Keen told me there was a hungry witness in here. I never thought it’d be you."
>She cocks her head and ruffles her feathers.
>"Then again, I guess it makes sense.”
>You stare blankly at her, unable to reply, what with the glazed donut jammed in your mouth.
>”Anon. You’re all over the headlines as a big scary alien that went crazy in a danger situation and took several pillows, silly string, -and- rubber bands to the face from hardened criminals.”
>You nearly choke. 
”I’m what? That’s ridiculous. And, it was no excuse for my boss to just up and leave without warning so that I’d be jobless and on the streets.”
>You nearly yell out that last part, leaving your friend quaking in her uniform.
>She doesn’t know you well, and with headlines like that it's no wonder she's tense.
”Sorry, Hazy. I guess I just needed to vent. It’s not true though. I wasn’t in any real danger and I didn’t go -crazy-.”
>She seems to visibly relax. ”Look, Anon. If you still need a place to stay, I’ll write down my addr-.”
“Wait!” You shout, causing her to jump. “I mean… I’ll write it.”
 
 
>She pulls out a blue crayon and notebook out of her pocket and dictates her address.
>When you’re done you pocket it, and as of on cue another mare walks in, eyeing you and Hazy curiously as you tear a page out of Hazy’s notebook.
>”Ohh, the chief’s here. Later, Anon. I just need to finish up some paperwork." She snatches the notebook and crayon from you with a wing. "Which I was totally doing and not putting off.” she chuckles and shoots you an apologetic look before rushing out of the room.
>”You two know each other?” The other mare finally speaks.
”Yes, ma’am.”
>She hums to herself before sitting on the beanbag opposite of you, pulling out her own notebook and crayon.
>”Not from her old trouble making days, I hope.”
>There’s a bit of a southern drawl to her accent but she’s hiding it pretty well.
”Trouble? Hazy? Are we talking about the same mare?” you crack a smile for the first time today. 
>She looks at you with a raised brow, unamused.
“I mean…” You drop your smile back to the frown you’ve had all day. It’s growing on you. 
“She comes- She used to come by every morning for donuts and small talk.”
>She sighs in what seems to be relief. 
>Picking up the crayon in her mouth, she nods at you.
>Your brow furrows in confusion for a bit, then you remember why she asked you to come here.
“Ohh. Yes. Umm... From the start?”
>She nods again.
”I was in the back, kneading some dough, then I heard a big slam out front. I shrugged it off and continued. Figured it might’ve been the wind or something.”
 
 
”I heard some yelling followed some crying coming from my boss. Without thinking I grab my favorite rolling pin and rush out front to see what’s going on.”
>You grimace as you try and recall the finer details.
”There were seven stallions? They’re wearing ski-masks and stockings over their heads, and, no kidding, they had rubber bands, pillows and, at the time I didn’t know what those cans were, but I quickly found out it was silly string.”
>...
 
>>Continue 100% truthfully- you instigated physical conflict when they threw one of your pies on the ground and insulted your boss’s establishment.
>>Lie and say they attacked you or your boss first- when you didn’t comply with something.
>>Tell her you’re not comfortable with continuing.
>>Write-in


>>Continue 100% truthfully- you instigated physical conflict when they threw one of your pies on the ground and insulted your boss’s establishment.
 
 
“They ordered me to get a bag and start shoveling some cookies in it, or else. I told them to leave firmly but they laughed. One of them took a bite out of one of the fresher pies, then threw it down on the floor. Another one called the shop ‘stupid with bad bakers.’”
>You stop and look up to the mare.
>She seems to be rushing to get this all down. 
>An impressive feat considering she’s using her mouth.
”Should I slow down?”
>She scrunches her snozzle and shakes her head.
>Despite that, you take another bite out of your donut and give her a few seconds to catch up.
>Should you even be telling her that you instigated physical contact? 
>On Earth, touching someone first before violence escalates can make you liable for a lot of shit.
>Or all of it.
>It’s safe to assume it’s similar in Horseland.
>Although, it’s not like anyone died.
>...Or even injured for that matter. 
”They interrupted my work, insulted me, insulted my boss’ establishment, and wasted a perfectly good blueberry pie. I… snapped. Walked right over to the biggest one that was barking orders and clonked him on the head with my rolling pin to show them I was being serious.”
>The mare gasps, dropping her crayon.
>You lean down and hand it back to the mare, who cautiously takes it back.
”I mean, if this was some kind of prank it was in very bad taste. I swear I didn’t hit him that hard, he collapsed anyways though. Maybe out of shock? Then they pelted me with pillows, shot me with rubber bands, and silly string. 
>You cross your arms in a huff.
 
![alt](https://i.imgur.com/zuVIWu7.png)
[High res Image](http://78.media.tumblr.com/dc0b2522f17f2042fb02101554ec9ce1/tumblr_ovdz19qLTW1vh45mmo1_1280.png)
 
”One of the bands nearly hit my eye.”
>She dry heaves a tiny bit.
“There- Are you okay?”
>She winces, but gestures for you to go on.
“Okay… where was I.  Ohh, There was a shrill scream from my boss as this happened. When they realized all it was doing was making me more angry, they looked nearly ready to piss themselves and ran outside to get the pol- ponice to turn themselves in.”
>She’s stopped writing and stares at you intently.
“After that, you know the rest. Cops came in and you gave me the address to the station. Then insisted I go with the paramedics to check for any injuries. 
>Still staring.
>”I told them I was fine and to let me go, but they ended up making me stay overnight. “I don’t tell you how to bake your muffins,” they said.”
>She hasn’t blinked. 
“Uhh… That’s it.” You awkwardly cough in your hand.
>She narrows her eyes at you, before returning to her task of writing.
>You dread to think of how her hand- mouth writing looks. 
>Sitting patiently, you wait for her to finish.
>”Mister Anonymous.” she finally speaks, gently putting the crayon back down. “Your story matches the records we already have. I appreciate you told me the truth, as hard as that must have been. But you could have handled that a lot better. What you did wasn’t right.”
>Crap, you should have stretched the truth a bit.
>”...But I can let you off with a warning this time. They were threatening you with unlicensed weapons and you were under pressure. That being said, you could have- should have gotten very hurt as well. I have no idea how you’re out of the clinic. Not to mention, you put your boss in danger too.” She gives you a stern hard look.
>Your throat feels awfully dry.
 
 
>Ohh, there’s a powdered donut in your mouth.
>“Please be more careful in the future, Mister Anonymous.”
>You finish off the donut.
>She’s not wrong.
>What if they had actual concealed weapons? You’d be six under right now. 
>You should know better than to charge in blindly with a rolling pin out of all things.
”You’re right. I’m sorry.”
>There’s another awkward pause as she looks at you, she’s obviously mulling over of something.
“...Considering there’s almost no crime here in ponyland, I’m not sure there’s going to be next time.” 
>”That’s because we’re doing our job right, Mister Anonymous. But I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“Ma’am?”
>”I’m handling your case, Anon. I know your boss skipped town. I want to offer you a job.”
>You stare at her like she came in with no pants on.
>[spoiler]Ohh, right. She didn’t.[/spoiler]
>Your parents always told you to stay away from jobs like that.
>”Our only real hard hitter in the force is getting up there in age and we need somepony to replace him. I see potential in you, Mister Anonymous.”
”With all due respect, ma’am. I don’t think I’m cut out for something like this. I’m just a baker.”
>”You never know you’ll like something unless you try, Mister Anonymous. You don’t have to answer right away. Think on it.”
 
 
>You nod.
>”... of course, you’d get paid 10 bits an hour-”
>That’s four more bits than your old job, but it’s more dangerous isn’t it?
>”Get to work outside-”
>You liked working in the dark away from ponies who are spooked all the time.
>”And, you get free coffee and donuts.”
”Deal.”
>Shit.
>Stomach, no.
>Getting groceries or making deals isn’t smart when you’re empty.
 “Umm. To try it out, I mean.”
>”Thank you, Mister Anonymous. Consider yourself part of the force.”
>Just like that?
>Shouldn’t you be getting training or something?
>Paperwork?
>Background check?
>On second thought, technically you’re an illegal alien and shouldn’t bring that up.
>Ever.
 
>The best thing to do right now is smile and nod.
>”Given how you handled this incident. I’ll have to assign you somepony trustworthy and skilled to partner up with. At least for your first few shifts."
>She clops her hooves together. "Luckily I have the perfect pony in mind.”
”Keeping me on a short leash, Chief?” You crack another small grin.
>”I’m sorry, Mister Anonymous, but I can’t risk you getting yourself and civilians into danger like you did at the bakery while carrying the MPD badge. You understand, right?” she says, returning the smile this time.
 
 
>>Accept.
>>Write-in, She wants you on the force. Maybe you can use it as leverage for an alternative.