>You stare at the bright pink walls of your new room
>You would call it a cell, but this is more like a small studio apartment than any prison cell that you know of
>Off to the side is a small kitchen, a little dining area and even a bed big enough for you to lay upon tot he side of the room
>If this is what these little ponies called a prison cell then you feel curious as to what an asylum would look like
>You hear a knocking on your door, rolling your eyes you open the door and stare down at the warden who is smiling widely at you
>"Ah, so good to see you Anonymous, Good Intentions trusts that your room is to your liking yes?"
>Honestly you're a little unsure of how you're meant to be feeling right about now
>You were sent here the day after you had arrived because you told the monarchs of this pace that they reminded you of horses
>Apparently they took great offense to that and you were carted off to this place
>You were shocked, scared and angry that you were going to prison in this strange land but now you're just confused
"Uh huh, yes the room is to my liking, but this is prison right?"
>"Uh huh! Sadly we don't have much funding so most of our cells are not as furnished as Good Intentions would like them to be."
>Wait really? Makes you wonder if other prisons with enugh funding as shit you'd see in a penthouse suite
>"Now then, since you seem to like your new room, Good Intentions normally lets you have some free time but seeing as how you're rather new she's going to give you this."
>Her horn glows a little and suddenly a laminated paper is brought right in front of your face
>Wait, does that mean she's Good Intentions?
>You've heard about a few weird names in your brief time here
>Before you had somehow insulted them, the supposed princesses of this realm had taught you that the naming convention here is quite unique
>The parents just seem to know what to call their children as soon as they lay their eyes upon them for some reason
>You understood it to some extent but it was weird seeing it now and how it fits the pony so well sometimes
>Heck the guard who had detained you and brought you here was called Tough Love
>However you saw nothing really tough with her, she did make fun of you by shoving you every now and then in the cart with her body until you decided to push back
>She ended up hitting the wall of the carriage and fall flat on her side, which worried that you were going to get worse treatment for assaulting a guard
>But the other guard, also a mare had just laughed her ass off and told you that it was alright but the other mare wasn't going to live this down
>Speaking of which, you haven't seen that many guys, or well stallions since you arrived yesterday
>A few here and there tending to the gardens or the kitchen of the palace
>"It's so wonderful that you can speak and understand fluent Equestrian, otherwise this would have been so much more worrisome for Good Intentions."
>The warden's voice breaking you out of your reverie you shake your head clear and put your focus back onto her
>"Oh! Good Intentions had almost forgot to mention."
>Yeah, this one is speaking in the third person, you hadn't actually met someone who did this before so it was quite weird but amusing
>"The prison staff, Good Intentions included, had this sort of betting system we use, a lot of guards here bet on what each prisoner was in here for."
>Whoa, isn't this something you don't normally tell a prisoner about? Isn't there some code preventing some weird thign like this happening?
>"And well nopony ever expected that the alien would be here for insulting the princesses, which was something completely new for everypony here, so this is for you."
>The warden magics over a small pouch that once it lands onto your hand it...jingles?
>Wait, did she just give you the betting pool money?!
>"This is the third time that this has happened, normally you get bits by doing the activities but on such rare occasions Good Intentions lets it slide."
>You just stare at her as you try to wrap your head around this, so to summarize the guards bet on what you were here for, they all guessed wrong which means you get the money?
>"Now with that all done and properly taken care of, it's time to show you what you're going to be dealing with while you're here colt."

>You still feel rather dumbstruck, the warden had shown you the schedule, what she didn't tell you that it was essentially empty and that YOU get to write down activities and their times
>It's essentially 'plan your own day' kind of format but each activity it utterly ridiculous
>The supposed activities that you could do would range from shit like a cooking class, to a freaking book club to even a 'colt's national basketball league' team
>You were now finally being lead to the mess hall, throughout this entire time you have not seen a single other inmate
>Good Intentions had just told you that normally this would be an unscheduled nap time for all of the inmates if they so choose, and most of them did in fact choose to nap
>It's like you're back in a pre-school setting in this place
>Finally getting over your dumbfoundedness you shake your head
>Well, it actually could be a lot worse than this
>Honestly you could probably take full advantage of this
>"And this is where the bits you normally earn from activities come into play!"
>The Warden points you towards the long line up of food
>Salads, flowers, desserts a whole shitload of them all with different prices
>"This encourages the inmates to go out and do our activities if they want to eat our great and well prepared food, otherwise they eat that stuff."
>With disdain in her voice she brings your attention to the far side of the food line
>Sitting there, looking as if it was purer than any other of its' kind was a bunch of steaks, burgers, fries and chicken nuggets
>Your eyes immediately scan over each one and note the prices of each
>Your mind goes into overdrive as it notes the very low numbers displayed in front of them before
>Oh right, horses don't eat meat them being herbivores and what not would make meat seem really unappealing
>"Our inmates, despite being in here want to look after their health and figure so we set this up which usually results in a win-win kind of situation, however our wonderful chefs make those to ensure they work hard."
"Uh hey, am I allowed to eat something right now?"
>"Oh yes! Good Intentions apologizes for not noticing your hungry state, please have something."
>With a smile she gestures down to the salads, but you're hankering for something else
>Taking a few coins from the pouch you note that each of the coins is worth one bit
>Unsure of what that means you just assume it means dollars before placing enough down to be enough for two burgers and a steak
>Staring up at you in confusion the Warden watches as you pick up your tray
>"Uh Anonymous? Good Intentions knows that you're new to Equeestria but this isn't enough for even our cheapest salad."
>You hear a very audible gasp as you pick up the food you paid for and place it on your tray
>"Egad! Y-you're not really going to eat that stuff are you? That's the kind of stuff that even our carnivores don't touch!"
>Well sure some of it seems unhealthy but you see some of this shit and no one's going to eat it? Then you're going to be the one to consume it instead
>Plus it looks absolutely scrumptious, those ponies can have all of the salads and flowers that they want, you got this
"Your carnivores don't eat this stuff? Why though? It looks a lot better than the stuff back home."
>"Oh you poor, poor colt, you must have really come from such a hard place to think such a lowly meal is anything appealing."
>Ignoring the warden with a shrug you just pick up a burger and take a bite out of it
>..
>...
>....
>.....
>Brain?
>Yes my shell, what is it?
>This shit's amazing
>You actually take your time with each bite as you savour the taste
>The Warden however only looks at you with concern
"Oh fuck, this shit's orgasmic."
>Normally you don't use such lines but holy crap you feel this right now this tastes better than anything you've ever had before
>You however don't notice that the warden's eyes go wide from this before she nervously shuffles her front hooves around
>"Um, well if it really makes you feel like that then may-"
"Huh? Oh sorry, I almost forgot about you being there warden."
>Unwittingly interrupting the mare you pat your stomach as your eyes stare down at your remaining with a predatorial shine to them
>"Ya showing the fresh flower around the prison eh, Good Intentions?"
>Walking up to you and the warden is another guard, however this one had a yellow coat and a blue mane done up in a ponytail
>"Whoa there, you sure are a big colt, I bet it makes it difficult to cook meals and such being that tall."
>"Guardspony Grassy Meadows, Good Intentions would prefer that you do not say anything that could insult our dear Anonymous here, we don't know how fragile he could be."
>"Yeah right warden, he looks totally offended right now."
>Both of them turn to look at you, while they were busy talking about whatever guard stuff it was you had tuned them out and resumed eating
>You were slowly licking your fingers since you had just devoured the steak, since there was no knife and fork you had to make do with your hands
>After finishing that last finger you now take notice of their staring as you look down at them
"What? Can't I enjoy a good steak?"
>You say with a smile, hoping that they would find it funny in some form
>"Huh? Wha- oh no, of course you can Anonymous, there'd be no reason for you not to eat like that right Grassy?"
>"Oh yeah, he sure can eat out like that with no complaints from me."
>You were about to question the weird way she had worded that sentence but the warden beat you to it by roughly nudging her side with her hoof
>"Apologies Anonymous, Good Intentions has to take this guard aside and remind her about a few things."
>Without so much as a goodbye or anything the warden quite literally drags off the other pony down a corrider, leaving you alone in the cafeteria
>Alone, with a bunch of great food with quite a few bits and still feeling hungry
>Best part about this whole situation right now?
>No lines


>So now you're sitting at the far end of the currently busy cafeteria
>You were happily munching on your third steak when the other prisoners had started to fill the room
>They didn't seem shocked by your appearance which was nice
>However they were more shocked with the fact that you were eating the 'icky icky' food
>Even some of the gryphons went on to say how they enjoy the salads a lot more since it tasted better than the meat
>A lot of them crowded around you at first and tried to offer you advice but some of the others were quite happy to leave you alone or talk behind your back
>But within a few minutes it seemed that they got bored and left you alone, so now you're enjoying solitude
>Whatever counts as solitude in a room filled with colourful equines and such other creatures
>"I just can't believe that he's eating that food though."
>"Poor dear, he must have come form a truly bad place if that is what he thinks is great food."
>"I don't see why he didn't just buy a salad instead, they're like soooo good."
>"I can understand the liking of meat but I at least save that for when I go to the store and get some to mix with a salad later."
>Ignoring the banter and surprisingly not quiet whispering of the other patrons of the cafeteria you devour your last steak and munch on their chips
>If they had something to drink then this would be fantastic but this is already too damn good
>Looking down and patting your belly you let out a content sigh as a nother thought hits you
"I'm going to get fat and lazy if I keep eating this stuff."
>"Exactly Anonymous! Good Intentions is quite pleased to see that you have picked up on that little fact."
>Oh goody, the warden has returned minus one Grassy Meadows, you wonder what she did wrong
>"However she is quite sad to see that you didn't make any friends while you were here."
>She stares at you as you sit at an empty table and she lets out a sigh
>"But I see that you already ate your two steaks, I think it's time we continue the tour."
"Three, I had three steaks ma'am."
>You're finding it increasingly more difficult to take this place seriously
>You've only seen the food and the feeling that this is so much better than the castle has sky rocketed since you've arrived
>Good Intentions gasps at your statement and covers her mouth with a hoof
>"T-Three?! Good Celestia are you alright Anonymous? Good Intions hopes that you don't have a tummy ache or anything."
>"Tummy ache? I wouldn't be surprised if he did, he ate them like a timber wolf during.....timber wolf eating season!"
>"Okay hun, that's enough for now, you can work on your witty insults another time."
>You spy another prisoner escorting the one who called out, away for some reason
>"Well, now that Good Intentions is not being interrupted then she shall ask again, are you experiencing any pains in your tum tum region?"
>You can't help but snicker when she finishes speaking
>Covering your mouth with a hand you do your best to hide your expression
"No miss warden, I-I'm pefectly fine."
>Come on, you can do it, you might actually get in trouble for laughing at the warden
>"Are you quite sure inmate Anonymous? You don't have to hide your pain from me, Good Intentions has only the best of intentions!"
>She says with the biggest and proudest smile you've ever seen
>And then the dam broke
>You burst out laughing, holding onto your side as you almost fall flat on your ass
>"Anonymous! Quick somepony get the nurse!"
>You see and hear a multitude of ponies gasp and almost begin to panic as it appears they don't know what to do
>It only makes you laugh even harder

>It's been ten minutes since the warden declared that you were diagnosed with 'sudden laughing when your tum tum hurts disease.'
>It's also been a good nine minutes since the nurse came in, checked on you, actually listened and told the warden that she doesn't get paid enough for this
>So the tour continues, however you are now sporting a very fancy looking 'trouble hat' which is really just a dunce hat but you can see they scribbled out dunce
>And Good Intentions has her cheeks at constant puffed levels as she haughtily refuses to look at you
>"Good Intentions is not happy that you laughed at her concern for you inmate."
>Oh no, she has resorted to not even using your name, the horror!
>This only causes you to find the tiny pony cuter, you've always had a bit of a weakness to cute things
>Like dogs that are as big as a human, those are fucking adorable
>"Regardless of how Good Intentions feels right now she is obligated to still help you Anonymous."
>She gestures to a door next to the two of you, a sign with the words 'Flower Power' hanging next to it on a little wooden sign hanging off a nail
>"Good Intentions must warn you though, the one who runs this club is a bit of a problem mare."
>Opening the door and ushering you inside you are greeted to quite a sight
>What you see before you looks like some kind of high maintenence weed farm from a bad movie, complete with ponies and other creatures with little gloves, tools and sun hats
>Oh and instead of some herbs it's just a bunch of flowers
>"Welcome to the, oh bugger, hold on a second while Good Intentions fixes her flash cards."
>Levitating a set of bright blue cards in front of her she hurriedly goes through them, probably trying to find the one about this place
>"Oh yes, here it is! Welcome to club Flower Power, where nature gives us power and helps us better ourselves, come join up and let us help you make beautiful flowers."
>So this is one of those activities she mentioned earlier? One of those you could get paid to go to?
>...
>Neat
>"Oh how marvelous to see you miss warden, is this a new seedling you've brought in to grow wonderfully in our little garden here?"
>Enter one pegasus floating over to the two of you
>She giggles as she stops and lands next to the warden who proceeds to roll her eyes and sigh
>"Ever a pleasure to meet a new face, even if it is one so different than what I am used to, my name is Evergreen and I bid you welcome."
>Smiling up at you, you notice that her eyes seem a bit off, a little off as well
>"Oh my, I don't quite hear anything out of you new one, I can take a guess as to what has drawn your attention."
>Expecting her to admit that she is blind you're taken aback when she puffs her little chest out, showing off some tuft of fur
>"I know, I know, impressive isn't it? I've been grooming it whenever I'm not tending to my little ro-"
>"Inmate Evergreen! Must you show off to every inmate Good Intentions brings through here?"
>"Why of course! How else will they know who is in charge here? I have to assert my authority regardless of who they are."
"Well, I'm not too sure gardening is the thing for me but I'll ponder joining it at least"
>Might as well be truthful, you didn't exactly have a green thumb
>[spoiler]heh[/spoiler]
>Evergreen stays silent for a few seconds before you spy what appear to be a blush on her cheeks before she begins to fan herself with a hoof
>"Oh I did not know that you were a colt, and what a tall one too. Are you a minotaur or something?"
>"Actually Inmate Anonymous here is a human, and possibly the only one of his kind in Equestria."
>"Exciting, now why don't you just join us Anonymous, I'm sure that you'd be great here!"
>That sure was a sudden shift in questions
>"Well Inmate Anonymous has already said he'd think about i- oh hey would you look at the time? Time to continue the tour!"
>Good Intentions wastes no time in moving you out of the room, Evergreen waving at the two of you with a smile on her face
>Once you were back in the hallway she sighs heavily
>"Good Intentions dislikes the fact that her club is the first on the list, she always does that chest tuft thing.....mine is much better anyway."
>You smirk as you hear her grumble that last part before the two of you continue on your way

>It's been two hours now, and you've noticed three things
>One: That for some reason each club slogan is essentially 'Welcome to club *insert club name* followed by weird thing about the way the club helps better its' members
>Two: A lot if not all of the clubs are run by mares, who were always more than happy to try showing off their awesome club to you
>Three: It's not just ponies and griffons in here, you've come across minotaurs and even a dragon
>Said dragon was happily knitting a sweater when you came across him in the knitting club dubbed 'Cross-stitches for Witches'
>He was super nice, and even offered to make you something since he thought you'd look lovely in one of his signature sweaters
>He did reach out to you at some point but Good Intentions told him off, apparently he was a notorious cheek pincher
>Part of the reason he ended up here in the first place
>He came across a high ranking pony diplomat and pinched their cheeks because they were 'too cute'
>Reminds you of an old granny from shows who would do those kinds of things
>You did feel a bit scared how accurate that thought was when Good Intentions then added how he makes a great batch of chocolate chip cookies
>So now you've got an assured dragon sweater that will come along one day, maybe with some awesome cookies if you were lucky
>"And now for the final club on the list, and Good Intentions doesn't hold high hopes of you joining this one Inmate Anonymous."
>You find yourself staring at the sign next to the door, which is of course an attempt at a clever name but this one actually grabs your interest somewhat
>Hanging next to the door is the same old wooden sign but the words on this one were 'Trendy Inmate Tabletop Society'

>"We welcome thee puny mortal to our society of danger, courage and our dashing cha-"
>"Quit it Lemonseed, you're going to scare the poor colt."
>"Pfft, like he is totally going to be interested in what we're doing right now."
>You are currently standing in the doorway as you and Good Intentions stare at the three mares at a table who seem to be bickering amongst themselves
>The entire room seems to be dark except for the one lamp hanging from the ceiling which is illuminating just the table and the ponies sitting there
>On the table though you spy what appears to be a map with a grid on it, a few figures, some papers and a lot of dice
>"Well he COULD be interested Sunny! You never know if you might come across a colt who likes this stuff."
>"Despite whether he is interested or not Lemonseed, that kind of speech when trying to convince someone to join will only make them leave that much quicker."
>"Yeah you tell her Swift, I think she just dealt charisma based hurt to you Lemonseed."
>Good Intentions finally clears her throat and gains their attention, the ones who appear to be called Lemonseed and Swift blushing and chuckling nervously while Sunny just readjusts the sunglasses on her head.
>"Now while Good Intentions know you three are rather close, if you want more club members then maybe you should try to get them to join instead of just bickering amongst each other."
>You however just find the whole scene to be amusing, just like everything else you've found in this prison, it is hard to take it seriously
"Pardon me, but I'm just curious, why is this called the Trendy Inmate Tabletop Society?"
>At your question Lemonseeds and Swift freeze up while Sunny just explodes into laughter and bangs onto the table with a hoof, knocking over a few of the figures
>The items on the table falling over breaking her out of her thoughts you watch as Lemonseed glares at Sunny before the wizard hat she's wearing glows green a little bit and the table is set back to what it was
>So she's hiding a horn under there, well you guess the wizard hat isn't just for show then
>"W-well about that."
>Now your attention turns to Swifft who is nervously bumping her hooves together as she avoids eye contact
>"We uh, wanted to try to come up with a clever name to draw in more attention, but we left the whole thing to Sunny and well."
>Is she embarrassed that the first letters basically says tits?
>Honestly the immature you found it to be worth a giggle at least
>"Yes, yes I admit that I am the mastermare behind our glorious name, but come on you girls loved it too."
>"That was until after we decided to look at it closely Sunny, urgh you always do this."
>Once again Good Intentions clears her throat
>"If you three have no intent to show off your club to Anonymous then we'll be taking our leave."
"Hold on a sec Warden, I'm curious."
>The four of them audibly gasp....for some reason?
>Shaking your head and just ignoring it you step closer to the table and inspect some of the shit they have on it
"Mind if I take a look at this?"
>Sunny, the mare who seemed so casual just nods her head as her lips tremble
>Geez, it's like you came in, kicked all of their dogs in the face and told them that you were going to be the next head of the Joestar Estate
>Giving the sheet a glance confirms that they are in fact playing something similar to pathfinder
>Except it's called Ponfinder and appears to have a few weird notions like instead of damage they have it marked down as hurt
>Chuckling at this fact you put the sheet down and stare at the figures they have placed on the table
"So what's happening here?"
>The three of them remain silent as you peer over the table to get a good look at thigns
>Judging by what the drawn on walls and lines on the grid tell you, they're more than likely dungeon crawling as you spot some stairs not too far from them
>"W-well the brave and assuredly marely group of adventurers were making their way down the Princess' cellars to help with her rat problem."
>...
>Did they just start?
"So are these giant rats or something?"
>"Nope! Just your regular old rats!"
"Have you all just started?"
>"Nope! This is our third session already."
>Lemonseed seems to be swelling with pride at her words and puffs her chest out, making a show of the unkept fluff of fur there
"Uh huh."
>You can't exactly hide the disappointment in your tone, which all of them pick up on immediately
"So is this the only game you guys play?"
>"Well, we also have a few board games, but I'm not quite sure a colt like you would enjoy them, they're a bit complicated."
>"Sunny! I'm sorry for the way she's behaving, she just doesn't know how to talk to colts properly."
>She may or may not be correct with what she's saying but if you remember correctly, by participating in a club you're going to get paid
>You'll never understand how that whole system will work, probably some weird ploy to get you to contribute to society as a group maybe?
>But technically you're going to get paid to play board games and tabletop rpgs, and the company isn't too bad, you'll get to laugh at their argument at least
"Okay then, I think I've seen enough."
>"Ah good, then Good Intentions shall take you back to your room, she is sad that you couldn't fi-"
"Nah, I mean that I'm joining this club."
>"What?!"
>Covering your ears as your assaulted on all sides by their voices you groan a bit
"Thanks guys, I'm sure my ears will recover in a year or two."
>"Oh no, what has Good Intentions done? She's gone and hurt an inmate, a poor and defenceless colt no less!"
>The Warden seems to be freaking out once again
>"Um well, don't mind her she just doesn't seem to understand sarcasm."
>Sunny chuckles and leans back in her seat
>"So you'll be joining us eh? Honestly I'm shocked a colt like you would be interested in this kind of stuff."
"What? You expected me to be the sporty and outdoors type then?"
>You smirk as you reply to Sunny, maybe you'll fit in here better than you thought
>"Oh I like this one, can we keep him?"
>"Sunny he isn't a pet, and you need to tone it down a bit, what if you accidentally insult him?"
>Swift, who is now consolling the Warden with pats to the shoulder, chimes in as she looks at you with concern
"That would be difficult to do, but funny that, that's actually how I got here."
>"Huh? What do you me-"
>Swift starts but is interrupted by Lemonseed who magics up a chair that is big enough for you
>"Welcome to the Trendy Inmate Tabletop Society Inmate Anonymous! We promise to give you grand adventures and dice beyond your wildest imaginations."
>Not wasting anytime she levitates some dice and a sheet over to you
>"Good Intentions thinks she should lay down and rest her sore head."
>Aww, maybe you've been a bit hard on the poor mare
>Reaching out you gently pet the top of her head, to which she shudders sightly before sighing softly
"Thanks for showing me around Warden, I'll see you later?"
>"Oh yes you will~......uh wait she means maybe! But uh not today because she has um important Wardeny stuff to handle, yes!"
>And just like that the four of you watch a red faced Warden racing out of the room
>Did you do someting weird to the Warden? Hopefully not, it'd be bad to increase your sentence
>Then again this place so far has been nothing but awesome
>Getting paid to play some games, using said money on awesome food let alone the fact that you have a pretty swanky 'cell'
>Sure you might be the only human who will ever be here but you honestly find it much better than the castle
>Before shit hit the fan the Princesses were so worried for your safety that they made sure that all of the corners from tables were sanded off
>They even gave you a safety suit, which was honestly just a bunch of pillows strapped to your body
>"Oh and by the way, we do have a fourth member but she should have been here a little whi-"
>Now it's Lemonseed's turn to be interrupted by a popping sound, you've heard that only a few times and you know that is some unicorn teleporting into here
>"Huzzah! We have brought snacks and beverages to consume on thy pilgrimage to rid thee cellars of foul rats."
>"Oh good you're here, well I'm sure that you'll be happy because we've actually got a colt to join us!"
>Maybe you won't enjoy the company here as much as you'd think, because you would recognize that voice and 'ye olde' way of speaking anywhere
>Though part of you is wondering why she is even here in the first place
>"A colt dare enter our den of dungeons, dice and monsters? Pray who is this poor soul?"
>Once again you notice Swift facehooving and Sunny trying to supress her own laughter
>"And you might have thought Lemonseeds was a bit over the top but she takes it overboard, I love it!"
>"Why must you make it so dark in here Lemonseeds? We're pretty sure that thy royal hoof just knocked over Settlers of Equestria."
>Lo and behold, out of the darkness comes the Princess of Night herself, Luna
>What a fan-fucking-tastic turn of events for you, eh?
>"So where is this co-"
>She stops midsentence as her eyes settle on you, you can even see it twitch a little bit
"Uh, hello there fellow tabletoper?"

>Five seconds, that's how long time felt to stop as you and Luna stared into each other's eyes
>You feel a little apprehensive about being in the same room as her while she looked both angry and confused as to why you were in the same room as her
>Lemonseed, who seemed obvlivious to the look Luna was giving you but not the look on your face just clapped her forehooves together
>"Oh right! I'm sorry but I forgot to mention our fourth member here, while she may not tchnically be a prisoner she is a part of the club and is the whole reason why it hasn't been shut down yet!"
>"Just don't mind the fact that she can get a little bit too into it, at least she isn't spitting food and crumbs all over us like that one prisoner."
>"Urgh I know right, I was hoping that you wouldn't mention her again Sunny, she smelled and breathed quite heavily and tried to bend the rules to the point of it no longer being fun for everyone but her."
>Sunny and Swift being lost in their own complaining about somepony else completely ignore and forget about you and Luna as the stare down continues
>However after a few more seconds her frown slowly transforms into a smile
>Which is never a good sign, ever
>"Ah, when we had heard from our dear sister that you were sent away I did not expect to see you here, I say Tartarus won't be able to save you now that you're here."
>"L-Luna!"
>Lemonseed, luckily was listening into the conversation and cut in at a good time, but it feels a little funny seeing someone else talk so casually to he-
>"Please don't scare away the only colt who is going to join the club, if you do I won't accept any more bribes of sweets from you."
>You are more than sure that Lemonseed is whispering but you can hear her just fine, Luna on her part though gasps loudly and looks quite hurt
>"B-But this co-"
>"No buts Luna, if you kick him out then I'm sure that you wouldn't mind your character being banished to a room with nothing but books filled with explosive pie runes, hmmm?"
>"You can't! You wouldn't dare!"
>"Oh I won't be doing that, that would just be unfair, but who is to say that you won't stumble across a unicorn with a very powerful teleporting spell?"
>".....Fine, the colt may stay."
>You're not sure if you should celebrate or run out of the door right now
>"Great! Now that that little fiasco is resolved I have one question, how do you two know each other?"
>You wince a little as you heard Lemonseeds' somewhat innocent tone of voice as she asked that
>Well what good way is there to tell someone that you accidentally insulted not one, but four of their princessess right to their face?
>As you're trying to come up with a solution another idea hits you
>If they sent you here because of that, then how bad could Tartarus be? You sure as hell hope it isn't like in that one from those mythology stories
>Who knows, maybe you'd make friends with Hades and then pet Cerberus all day
>Feeling a lot more confident in yourself at being a bit of an asshat you clear your throat
"Well it's part of the whole reason I'm here."
>You go on to tell the three non-alicorn ponies at the table how you found yourself in the royal birdbath before you were captured by a bunch of ponies in armour
>Then went on about how each of the princessess were amazed by you, that was only after they classified you as a sentient being and not an exotic pet to somepony
>However things went awry when they inquired you about your homeworld and made mention of how similar they were to horses
>As you say the word horses the group all burst out laughing and pointed at Luna
>"You got called a whorse by an alien colt?! What did you do Luna? Try to get him to put on those pants politely?"
>"Or-or maybe she tried to show off her chest tuft so badly she ended up falling forward and flat onto her own face."
>"Girls, come on it isn't that funny.....pfft, okay so maybe it is. Sorry Luna but I just can't help it! Princess Celestia sent him to prison over that? I can see why you wouldn't want him here."
>You're not quite sure how to take this, sure they're laughing their assess off but Luna's blue face had now turned a bright red as she tried to hide behind one of her wings
>Damn, now you feel bad
>Well as bad as one can be that someone who sent them to prison over a misunderstanding, is now feeling sad, can be
"Okay everyone, let's calm down and stop laughing at Luna, I'm not sure how much time we have until the next meal time."
>Wiping away their tears they nod and settle back into their respective chairs, Luna looking up at you
>Her face still somewhat red but a look of shock was quite evident
>Eh, she's probably confused that you didn't rip into her a little more
>While you would normally have done that back on Earth, you can't quite stay mad at these little ponies since they seem so cute and squishy
>Looking at them makes it feel as though they would let out a squeak, should you squeeze them just a tad
>"Okay, okay so now that we have a new member I believe we should all settle down and set aside the cellar crawling today."
>Lemonseed's reccomendation is met with nods and murmurs of agreement
>"So we'll settle this over a nice and super friendly game of Friendshipstar."
>"Really Lemon? That game lasts forever and I doubt Anon here is interested in speding hours debating over who the toaster is!"
"Nah I'm good, just explain the rules to me is all."
>Lemon beams a smile at you while Sunny just shakes her head with a wry smile
>"Not my problem then, I'm sure you'll get a tummy ache just from playing this."

"So I guess I should say, here lies everyone but me, all of them contracted a serious tummy sore because they couldn't figure out that the newly elected princess was the one who was the toaster."
>Smiling smugly at the four mares they each look at you with surprised expressions on their faces
>Most of the terms in the game was changed as though it was meant for kids, nothing like the version you played back on Earth
>No one ever died, they only ever got a tummy ache, or a serious tummy ache which would take them out of them game and had to select a new character
>You feel proud, or something similar to pride
>Depends on how much pride one gets from beating the most obvious players ever at, what is essentially a board game you know from Earth
>As soon as someone was accused of being the toaster they would instantly break out into a sweat and shout out that they weren't
>None of them accused you though for some reason, maybe they were just being nice to the new guy, but that folly is what caused their downfall
>So everyone but you seemed suspicious, which only fueled your plans by secretly making sure that they would fail more and more events
>Leaning back in the chair that Lemonseed brought out for you, you rub your neck as you feel hungry
>"But I thought Luna was the toaster?"
>"Us? We were surely sure that Sunny over yonder was the one. That foal messed up every single disaster she came across."
>Knowing how well three of them did when they got into an argument, you doubt it would end anytime soon should Luna join in
"Come on girls, we all had a lot of fun, now why don't w-"
>You're interrupted by several loud boops and bleeps coming out of the speakers near the door
>"Bleep, boop, bleep boop! Attention everyone, dinner is now being served in the cafeteria. You better hurry or else little ol' Three Hoof is going to get all the good stuff first."
>"Oh no! Come on gir-uhhh, everypony we have to get going!"
>Swift, being true to her name somewhat instantly jumps up, pushes her cair in and zooms out of the door
>"That foal, she knows not to take off like that, it's why she's been in this establishment for so long."
>"Hush now Luna, we know how much she likes her food, I think her flying is part of the reason she's never gained weight."
>Lemonseeds, despite defending Swift seems to look off to the side with a defeated look on her face before she pokes her belly
>"I run too, how come I'm still chubby?"
>If there's one thing that you've noticed about Lemonseeds in the hour that you've known her, it is this
>She tends to mumble or whisper her words very loudly, to the point that you can hear them as though she spoke them normally
>But for some odd reason no one else seems to hear it unless she's speaking to them
>"Huh? Did thou say something Lemonseeds?"
>Just like that, how did Luna not hear that when she was right there
>Speaking of Luna, for some reason she seemed to calm down as soon as the game started
>She wasn't angry at you, which was a good sign at the very least so you think you did well
>"Hey, hey Luna, can you do that thing?"
>Sunny begins nudging one of Luna's legs while the larger mare looks down at the Earth Pony
>"Well, while it wouldn't be wise we would very much like to see Swift's surprised face
>Luna's horn lights up and with an audible popping sound you find yourself no longer in the club room
>Instead you're back at the cafeteria which is mostly empty except for a mare who is happily balancing her tray on her head
>"Beep bloop, beep bloop, Oh I did not expect somepony to just teleport into here, but then again it's not often I see Luna come in here, little ol' Three Hoof greets all of you and welcomes you to the cafeteria."
>She's only standing a few feet away from you but her voice just projects so loudly, that you can't help but put your hands over your ears to lessen the noise
>"Three Hoof, Good Intentions does not agree with your idea of leaving a recorded message at the intercom about dinner so that you can go first in line."
>Just like magic the Warden appears of to your right, sauntering forward towards the mare who is still smiling widely
>As she passes by you though you feel her left side graze along your body as she goes
>Looking at her face you see that she looks somewhat tired, maybe she didn't get enough rest after she left
>Well, seeing as how most things here seem very unlike prison that you know, certainly nothing bad will come with what you're about to say
"Hey Warden, are you feeling alright there? You don't look too good."
>Stopping abrubtly she looks up to you, her tired eyes more evident but she wears a pleased smile on her face
>"Good Intentions is just fine, don't you worry your cute little colt head, okay?"
>"Psst Lemonseeds, did the Warden really just refer to Anonymous as cute?"
>Unlike Lemonseeds though, when Luna whispers loudly everyone else can hear her just fine
>Which is evident when Good Intentions slams her mouth shut and lowers her head a little before she steps in line behind Three Hoof
>You even spy a little blush on her cheeks, she looks quite adorable now that you think about it
>Hearing an 'oof' off to the side you look over and spy Sunny and Lemonseeds both flanking Luna's sides as she rubs her forleg a little, both of them looking rather cross
>"We were only asking a question, we did not hear her correctly, we just wanted to make sure that she did or did not call that colt cu-"
>With you now watching the scene unfold you watch as Luna receives a nudge from both mares at her side
>Funny, they nudge her like that and it's fine, but you make one mistake and they throw you in prison
>Then again you reckon that being friends with a princess does grant its' own kinds of benefits here
>But you've stood here long enough and you just want some grub in you
>Good thing too, because as soon as you line up behind Good Intentions the doors burst open
>Swift rockets inside as she is followed by what seems to be a stampede
>A very organized stampede for some reason as they all seemed to be neatly lined up in perfect rows
>Now being third in line you can't help but smile as you look at the three you came here with who stare at the line in silence
>All of them looking rather dejected
>Well they did get you here rather quickly, gesturing them over with a finger you look at Swift and a few of the ponies and other prisoners behind you
"Just so you know, these girls aren't cutting in line, I just want to speak to them."
>Approaching you with defeated looks on their faces you sigh and rest a hand on your hip
"Tell me what you girls want, I'll grab it for you since you were so kind as to get me here quickly."
>"Really?" The three of them and Swift, who is currently behind you in line, all say at once
"Sure, just make sure to grab us a table at least."

>When you came to this place you did not expect to be sitting at a table with a few mares, one of them being the one who sent you here
>But here you are, all five of you at a table enjoying your grub
>Everyone but Swift seemed so happy that you were kind enough to get their food for them, balancing three trays was something that you weren't quite used to
>Swift was pouting just a little bit as she poked at an apple on her tray
>"Geez, I flew all the way over here and you girls just had to go and teleport, you're all just a bunch of teat twisters."
>"Since whenever have you four never been 'teat twisters' sister!"
>You couldn't cover your ears in time as Three Hoof now takes up an empty spot at your table
>"Why hello there new face!~ My name is Three Hoof and I'm here to take up an empty spot at your table! Pleased to meet you."
>Smiling softly you nod at her to show that you acknowledge her
"Hello Three Hoof, I'm Anonymous, although for simplicity everyone just calls me Anon."
>"Why that's such a peculiar name for a stallion, are you a sub-type of minotaur then?"
>For the next few minutes you do your best to explain what a human is to Three Hoof, while everyone else just eats their food as though they didn't have to cover up their ears
>Either they can't hear certain things like you do, or your ears are fucked up in some fashion
>Your explanation as to why you aren't covered in fur is interrupted by the doors once agian bursting open and the whole room falling silent
>Standing in the doorway is....some weird dog furry?
>Well it looks a bit like a dog, it's standing a bit like a human
>From the distance you are from her you spy what appear to be bright green eyes that stand out against her grey fur
>Suddenly, you feel a hoof poking your side and Lemonseeds leans in to whisper to you
>"That over there is Emerald, she's a diamond dog who has been here the longest and always refers to herself a-"
>"Ladies and gentlecolts, your Alpha Bitch has arrived!~"
>Her voice sounds somewhat scratchy as she throws her hands/paws into the air, assuming a pose like stance
>The act itself makes a few things known to you
>Firstly, she's ony wearing what appears to be a long vest or trenchcoat like thing
>Secondly, her clothing does absolutely nothing to hide the very furry chest bumps she has
>Thirdly, why the fuck isn't she wearing a proper prison uniform like that rest of you? What kind of bullshit is this?
>And lastly, the pudding your eating right now is delicious as all hell
>Her eyes seem to lock onto the now empty line to the food before she claps her hands together and rests a cheek against them
>"Aww how super duper sweet of everyone, you all made sure that there was no line just for me."
>Speaking of lines, you look down and grimace at your severe lack of food on your tray
>While you're worried about having to deal with that Emerald character you're sure that it won't be a big deal if you go up to get seconds
>Tuning out whatever that diamond dog seems to be going on about with lines and stuff you pick up your tray and move back to the food
>Hmm, you should be a bit more careful, if you get too accustomed to this you might lost what figure you had left
>Okay Anon, you gotta at least eat less, or at leats more healthy foods
>Or maybe see if there's a gym somewhere around here
>As you get into the now empty line you hear several loud gasps all around you
>That's never a good sign is it?
>"Excuse moi! And just what do you think you're doing you minotaur reject?"
>Turning around finds you face to face with Emerald
>When the heck did she get so close anyway? Did she spend that entire time you were coming up here talking instead of getting food?
>Feeling her breathe on your face though breaks you out of your thoughts
>Oh right, she's literally in your face right now
>You really don't want to have to deal with some stupid shit right now, all you wanted to do was go get some food
>Stepping off to the side you gesture for her to go first
"My bad, I didn't quite see you there, please do go first."
>Despite how friendly you tried to sound you didn't notice that you narrowed your eyes a little bit and glared at her
>"Hmph, be as angry as you want you weird minotauress, Emerald is and always will be Alpha Bitch."
>As she moves to step past you, you couldn't help but feel curious about something she said
"Hate to break it to you, but I'm neither a minotauress or a minotaur."
>That seemed to get her to stop in her tracks as she snarled at you
>You just made mention of how you didn't want to deal with stupid shit, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut sometimes
>"Then what are ya? Something in between then?"
>Before you could reply you hear someone clearing their throat next to you
>"Okay then! Good Intentions is just a teensy bit tired and irritable right now, but Emerald would you kindly not insult the new stallion please? You were the one who just stood there monolouging about there being no line."
>At the mention of you being a stallion Emerald's pupil shrinks as you hear a few giggles from the crowd
>Now what? Did they really not know that you were a human ma-
>Oh right, how the fuck would they know whether an alien was a male or not without being told so
>Once again, easily lost in your thoughts, you were broken out of it as you feel a rather large hand rest on one of your shoulders
>Okay, not a hand, just a hand/paw thing, you were worried there for a second
>...
>....
>Wait
>"So a stallion had the stones to come up and cut me in line then?"
>"As Good Intentions just said, inmate Anonymous did not cu-"
>"Excellent! We need more colts like you running around!"
>Once second you were staring at Emerald wiith a raised eyebrow, the next thing you know she's got you in a head lock as you feel her rub your head
>The room is once again filled with gasps, you guess this isn't really accepted well?
>"Did you see that? I know Emerald can be, well Emerald but I didn't expect her to just do that to a colt."
>"I know right? She could lose pudding for a week because of this."
>"I say we get Bright Spear, and push him somewhere else!"
>"That was a colt? I could have sworn he was one of those weird yak people."
>"We really need to get your eyes checked dear, it's not good for you if you don't get an appointment."
>The whisperings and talking begin to grow louder until you hear a thundering stomp
>Surprisingly it wasn't Luna, said princess however was staring wide-eyed with a piece of lettuce sticking out of her mouth
>"Good Intentions would very, VERY much like to get back to her nap-nap time, so would everypony kindly just quiet down and eat all friendly like?"
>Stuck in the diamond dog's headlock you couldn't really nod but you do see the whole room silently nod their heads
>"Good! Now that that is sorted, Good Intentions will see you all tomorrow, and Emerald, please do not hurt inmate Anonymous."
>And just like that she pops away
"Uh, hey could you please let go of me now?"
>"Huh? Oh right, hehe sorry about that."
>Standing upright properly you stretch your neck a little bit as Emerald scratches her cheek
>"But this Alpha Bitch is very excited to meet you Anonymous, if you prove yourself good enough you could even become my second in command, this place's very own Beta Bitch!"
>Staring blankly at her she laughs heartily as she pats you on the back
>It's only day one in this place and you were just told you could be the Beta Bitch of this place, you can take a guess that it means something completely different here
>But you just cant help that fact that it reminds you a little bit of home as you smile somberly