Note from April 16, 2016:  This is going on a short hiatus while I work on Rarity's Estrus thing.  Once that's done, I'll get back to work on this.

Note from August 27, 2016:  I'm going to include some cut stuff at the bottom of the page that I liked.  I regret not taking the route I originally did.  I'll get to this one eventually.

>Just another day at the Rise and Grind.
>You are Anon, and you very narrowly avoided burning yourself with searing steam.
>You used your cat-like reflexes to scream and fall over when the machine started making noise.
>You got a free coffee and a hug from your manager for that.
>It's nearly the end of your shift, and you're dealing with some of your early-evening customers.
>"Hey stud, you have any plans tonight?"
>A olive-green unicorn mare is giving you her bedroom eyes.
>This is probably the first time a pony has made moves on you, so you're understandably flustered.
"My p-plans? No, none at all."
>She smiles coyly at your shy reaction and motions with her hoof for her friends to come over
>"Me and the mares here are heading off to Club Harmony tonight, and we'd love to have somepony as..."
>Her eyes travel up and down your body.
>The effect is ruined by your dirty work apron, but you figure it was the thought that counts.
>"Exotic as you are to join us."
>Jeez, when was the last time you let loose?
>It's been a long eight or nine months since you got here, and the townsfolk seemed friendly enough.
>You know what? Yeah!
>It's about time you let down your hair.
>You smile eagerly and nod.
"That sounds like a lot of fun. What time should we meet up?"
>"We'll pick you up at around 9. Think you'll be ready by then?"
>Pfft. Who do these mares think they're talking to?
>You are the master of the Russian shower.
>That is, you rush in and rush out.
>hahahaha kill yourself.
"I'll try, but I can't promise anything."
>That's right, boy, do dat flirting.
>Fuck that horse.
>The group of mares walk out and shoot you one final look of their shoulders.
>"See you around, handsome."
>About thirty seconds later, you realize that you never asked for their names.
Later

>That Stetson hat looks awfully familiar.
>...
>Is that Applejack?
>Fuck me, that's Applejack!
>Hi, Applejack!
>Huh.
>Is she...?
>Yup, she's crying into her drink.
>Aw jeez.
>Maybe you should go check up on her.
>You ARE her friend.
"I'll be back in just a sec, ladies. I need to check up on my bud real quick."
>You get a murmur or "okay"s and "sure"s and waste no time making your way to Applejack's table.
>You slide onto the weird, tiny pony chair and plonk your drink onto the table, which startles the orange mare out of her little daze.
>"Ah-Anawn? Whut-chu doin' here?"
>Christ almighty, you can smell her from here.
"I came over to check up on you. Are you doing okay?"
>You keep your words simple, clear, and loud so that the 
>"You came all th' way o'er here jus' to check up on me?"
>She sounds weirdly amazed or awed about this.
>"Tha's jus' so great of you, Anawn. Yer jus' this great colt, you know?"
>Haha WOW she is drunk as fuck.
>You manage to get a bartender's attention and order a big glass of water.
>Being six-foot-nothing in a crowd of four-foot ponies has benefits sometimes.
"Applejack, is everything okay?"
>Applejack reaches over for her drink but just pushes it off of the table.
>"Shoot! Got-dangit. Buckin'..."
>You're getting some drunk nostalgia right now.
>Ah, all those hours spend alone in your room, drinking and watching Youtube videos...
>"It's muh herd. Zhat buckin' Lemon Biscuits mare, right?"
>You nod.
>"She comes 'long an' gets all touchy-feely wif mah herd-colt. Jus' doin'... buckin' whatever, right?"
>You water arrives and you convince Applejack to take a few gulps.
>"Next thing Ah know, they've jus' kicked me out! Just lahke that!"
"No!"
>They can DO that?!
>Ponies are such assholes!
>"An'....an'..."
>She tries to keep talking, but it all comes out in an incoherent babble.
>You scoot around to her side of the table and pull her into a hug, which she returns.
>As quickly as it came, Applejack bolts out of your arms and back to her seat.
>You can't tell if she's blushing because she's embarrassed, or because of the close contact.
>"Sorry 'bout that, Anawn. Ah'm actin' lahke a bit of a foal right now."
>She grabs her glass of water and downs the entire thing.
>"If'fin Granny Smith were here right now, she'd hoof me upside the head'n tell me off fer not bein' a mare."
>She seems to sober up slightly.
>At the very least, she's now more consciously aware of her surroudings.
"You want to get out of here? We'll grab some coffee and maybe something to eat."
>Applejack waves you off and starts to stand up.
>"That's mighty kind of you, Anawn, but yer friends o'er there might object."
>You glance back over to your dates, and they're sort of glaring at you, now.
>The olive-green one is waving you back over, and she doesn't look too happy that you just walked away.
>Her expression is less anger and more "did you SERIOUSLY just do that?".
>" 'Sides, Ah ain't no lil' foal, Anawn. Ah know how to hold my liquor."
>Applejack promptly stumbles into your table and knocks the empty glass of water onto the ground, where it shatters.
>Jesus, what was she even drinking?
>You grab her over-turned mug and take a whiff of it.
>Cider.
>Does she seriously not drink anything else?
>This has an alcohol content of maybe 4%.
>These ponies and their pony alcohol.
>Being the most sober creature in this club (FUCKING pony alcohol), you scoop Applejack up and, ignoring her protests, carry her like a bride out of the door.
>You pass by your dates (who are stifling their laughter at the sight of Applejack being carried out) and say, "Bro's before hoes."
>>"Bro's before what?"
>But you're already out the door.
>"Anawn, why you gotta be carryin' me lahke this?"
"Shhh, Applejack. Save your words for when you're going to throw up."
>"Put me down, you lil' scoundrel! Ah can make it back to the farm on my own!"
>Pfft, you aren't going to let this tiny drunk horse sober up alone.
>The last thing you want to introduce to this land is drowning in your own vomit.
>You don't even think you've ever seen a graveyard in this town.
"Sorry, Applejack, but we're going to my cottage. You're too drunk to be left on your own."
>Applejack quiets down after that, settling for glaring at you with one eye closed.
>"S'cuz you won' stop movin'."
>Wow, room-spin drunk already?
>You're going to have to keep this pone awake and hydrated for the next three or four hours.
>There goes your day off, you guess.

>The next few hours are uneventful.
>Applejack threw up into your rose bushes; she drank lots of water; and the two of you shot the shit until nearly sunrise.
>You were glad to see that Applejack was sobering up quite nicely.
>You can tell that she's still buzzed, but she didn't have to close one of her eyes to see you properly any more, and she wasn't stumbling when she walked to your kitchen to gorge herself on sandwiches.
>It's been around twenty minutes before you realize that you haven't seen your drunk friend since she excused herself to use the bathroom.
>Girl has a bladder the size of a pea, swear to god.
>Oh fuck, is she throwing up again?
>You thought you had passed that stage!
>You hurry off to your bathroom, only to see that the door is wide open and the lights are off.
>Where could sh-
>"Great Apple above, give me strength."
>That's coming from your bedroom.
>The fuck is she doing in your bedroom?
>You walk closer and the sounds of shuffling cloth reach your ears.
>If she's thrown up on your bed, then she's sleeping on the porch.
>Friend or not, you ain't putting up with that kind of crap.
>You open the door and flick on your magical light.
"Applejack, wha-woah."
>What the actual fuck.
>Your dirty laundry hamper has been knocked over and your smelly clothes are everywhere.
>Applejack's on her back, rolling around in them like a cat playing with catnip.
>What the fuck is wrong with ponies?
"Having fun in there, friend?"
>Applejack freezes and she slowly turns her head to face you.
>Yeah, she knows what she's done.
>She's got this real sheepish look on her face, anJESUS FUCK
"What the fuck, Applejack?!"
>Quick as a flash, Applejack's tackled you to the ground.
>She has her snout buried in the nape of her neck and she's inhaling deeply, taking in your scent.
>L-lewd.

"Hey, hey, hey! Back that ass up, Jacks!"
>You try and shove her away from you, but Applejack is not to be deterred.
>Much in the manner of a cat trying to get passed you, Applejack just wriggled around your hand and dove right back to your sweet-smelling neck.
>You have the weirdest boner right now.
>When Applejack feels it poking into her rump, she responds by wriggling in your lap and licking your neck.
>HNG
>Your body was not ready.
>You would be lying if you said you didn't have a bit of a crush on Applejack.
>She was a hard-working mare that supported her family, and didn't have trouble calling ponies out on their bullshit.
>Not only that, but all that apple-bucking gave her an ass that didn't quit.
>In all honesty, you could do worse.
>Worse than Honesty. Get it? Eh? Ehh? I want to kill myself.
>Fuck it.
>Y'all haven't gotten any sex since you got here, and Luna keeps creeping in on your dreams and making you cum in your underwear.
>You need this.
>You grab Applejack by the face, cupping her cheeks, and pull her to your mouth.
>Thinking that you were going to shove her away again, Applejack pushes back.
>Her resistance melts away once you lock lips with her, however.
>The next hour is a blur to you.
>You don't know when you got off of the floor and onto your bed, and at some point you managed to take your clothes off without ripping them.
>You knew that your cock was smaller than a stallion's and, to be fair, you don't think anybody can fault you for not measuring up to a horse.
>But your nimble fingers and Superior Human Stamina made up for it.
>By the time you were finished, you had reduced Applejack to a very satisfied puddle of marecum.
>SLEEPY TIME
>Y'all be Applejack, the most hungover howdy horse of them all.
>You must have had something lahke six whole ciders last night tuh be in this state.
>Yer just glad that Anon was there tuh take care of you.
>Bucking Time Turner.
>Screw that stallion. You don' need no smug, self-servin' prick lahke him anyway.
>All y'all needed was a night of drinking an' a day of sleepin' off the resulting hangover, and you'd be back to yer good ol' country bumpkin ways.
>Which was where Anawn showed up.
>He done ditched his mares to make sure y'all didn't make a mess on yer way back home.
>Not a lot of colts who'd do that fer a mare.
>It was pretty dang thoughtful of him.
>.....only you didn't go back to yer home.
>Right! Anawn carried y'all back to HIS house.
>Scooped you up like a 'lil colt'r something.
>He's going tuh get a swift hoof tuh the back of the head if he tries that again.
>You remember drinkin' lots of water... peein' lots of water... talkin' 'bout life with Anawn.... 
>And then what?
>Y'all remember somethin' smelling REAL bucking good.
>Like, sweaty-stallion-junk-in-estrus good.
>.....
>Oh!
>Oh no.
>Oh no oh no oh no
>How much had Anawn had tuh drink at that there bar?
>Y'all don't remember him givin' you his consent, neither....
>Great Apple above.
>Yer a rapist now!
>Y'all got drunk an' raped Anawn!
>Oh buck, Granny Smith is gonna mare-castrate you and then disown you.
>Big Mac is gonna hate y'all forever, and lil' Bloomy will be crushed when she done hears the news!
>You feel so distraught that you begin to cry.
>Ain't NOPONY gon' buy apples from the family of a rapist!
>What have you done?
>Y'all force yerself to stop crying (that shit ain't marely at all, and yer glad Anon weren't there tuh see this) and settle down to think of a plan.
>Now, what would Granny do if she'd bedded an unwed stallion?
>You are now Anon.
>You wake up alone in your bed, and enjoy how hangover free you are.
>Fucking pony drinks.
>Bitches ain't SHIT.
>After doing your morning rituals (just peeing, thank you. You don't waste your time showering daily, like a CHUMP), you wander down stairs.
>You really hope that AJ doesn't bring up having sex with you when she had been drinking.
>You don't know what kind of laws exist in Equestria regarding rape, but you're pretty sure you maybe might have done that last night.
>You'd be more worried if you weren't three times the average pony's size.
>You decide to cross that bridge when you come to it.
>Arriving in the kitchen, you find Applejack sitting at your table with two mugs of coffee in front of her.
>She gives you a hard stare that is DEADLY serious.
>Yup, there are laws about rape in horseland, and you've found yourself on the business end of them.
"Hey there Jacks. How are you feeling this morning?"
>"How much do y'all remember from last night, Anawn?"
>Shit.
"Well... All of it, Applejack. I didn't have much to drink at the club; just four or five drinks."
>She doesn't move a muscle.
>"Sugarcube, we need tuh talk."
>She takes a deep breath to steel herself.
>"Ah got drunk last night, and Ah slept wit' you. It ain't proper fer a mare an' a stallion tuh have these kinds of relations outside of wedlock. Now, Ah was raised by a good family with a mighty strong set of values."
>She hops up on your table and walks towards you.
>"Anawn, Ah want tuh make this right again."
>She flumps down onto her flanks and grabs one of your hands with both hooves.
>"Ah'd be honoured if y'all would accept my hoof in horsemarriage."
>You are Anon, and what the fuck just happened.
>You went down to your kitchen so that you could wake yourself up with some coffee, and instead you're met with a marriage proposal and some narrowly-avoided horserape charges.
>You think that today is maybe not your day.
"AJ, we're good friends, but I don't love you. And you don't love me either."
>She removes her hooves from your hand and make a huffy pouty face at you.
>It makes her cheeks all poofy.
>"Well shoot, Anawn, it's the proper thing tuh do. Ah... violated you an' now Ah have to take 'sponsibility."
>Hours of reading hentai have prepared you for this.
>Oh fuck this mare is serious.
>She feels honour-bound to marry you
>Fuck a duck, you have never felt more awkward in your entire life.
>How are you supposed to get out of this?
"You can't rape the willing, AJ."
>Her argument is now invalid.
>Applejack just scowls at you.
>"Y'all know a stallion can't consent when he's drunk, Anawn! Ah raped you!"
"It was FOUR drinks, Applejack! You were the one who was wasted last night. If anybody is the rapists, it's ME!"
>You realize right after that you are trying to convince a girl that you raped her.
>Maybe not your best idea so far.
>Thankfully, Applejack doesn't seem to agree.
>"Ah was drunk; not stupid, sugarcube.. If Ah didn' want you to bed me, Ah would've bucked y'all in the gut."
"Look, Jacks, whatever happened last night: Let's just put it behind us."
>You give her a pat on the shoulder and hope she takes the cue to get the FUCK off of your dining room table.
>No manners, you swear.
"If I had to have lost my pony-virginity to anybody, it would have been to you."
>You watch as horror blooms on Applejack's face.
>"....You were a virgin?"
>You don't like where this is going.
"Uh... yeah. To ponies, that is."
>"Oh, no!"
>Applejack collapses on your table and hides her head under her front hooves.
>"Ah've deflowered y'all, Anawn!"
>Oh for FUCK'S sake.
>This is stupid.
"Right, look at it this way, Applejack."
>This grabs her attention, and she looks up at you with a single eye peeking out between her hooves.
"Do you even WANT to marry me?"
>She glares at you.
>"Of course Ah do, sugarcube!"
"Why?"
>"Cuz look at y'all! All it took was one drunk mare tuh overpower you into bed! Y'all ain't fit tuh be all alone out there in the world, Anawn. Ah'm worried fer you, sugarcube."
>You don't know how, but she managed to miss the point in ways that you hadn't even considered.
"No, I mea-"
>>"ANON ANON"
>Rainbow Dash clops into your kitchen at a dead sprint.
>>"QUICK ANON HIDE ME"
>You whip your head around, looking desperately for a hiding place, but you find none.
>Panicking and not thinking clearly, you grab the cyan pegasus and stuff her up your shirt.
>A few short, confusing seconds later, there's a knock knock knocking at your chamber door.
>"This is the Ponyville Ponice! Open up! ....Please!"
>You awkwardly shuffle to the door, supporting Rainbow Dash's mass with both hands.
>In all honesty, you look like a pregnant woman right now.
"Dash!"
>You hiss into her ear, not really wishing to get the police involved in your life right now.
"Why are the police at my house?!"
>RD: "Shut up! They can't come inside without a warrant, so tell them that you don't consent to a search!"
>You grab the doorknob, intending to only open it a crack.
>However, a ponice officer tumbles against it, barely catching herself in time to stay upright.
>You guess she had been on her hindlegs, kicking her widdle hoofsies to knock on your door.
>"Ahem! Good morning, sir. I am investigating reports of a blue mare who has broken the law, and I believe I may have seen her on your property. May I come in and look around?"
>Dash gives you a little kick from inside her cotton prison, and the movement grabs the ponice officer's attention.
>"Oh, goodness! Are-when is the foal due, sir?"
>There's an uncomfortable silence.
>"....Ma'am?"
>Fuck you, Rainbow Dash.
"Yes, yes, it's true; I'm pregnant. Human males carry the child to term, not the other way around."
>You gently rub your "baby" for emphasis.
"I'm just.... I'm just really pregnant with my baby right now."
>"Oh. Well, congratulations, sir. Who's the..... mother?"
>Oh boy.
>AJ: "Ah am!"
>Both you and the officer look over at Applejack.
>She looks just as surprised as you are.
>AJ: "Uh, yeah! No, yeah, that's me; Ah'm the mother. Ah impregnated Anawn an'... an' we're having a foal now."
>She smiles nervously, and it's really obvious that she's lying.
>Everypony is staring at her, and beads of sweat drip down her face.
>AJ: "Yup! All those months ago, Anawn and Ah had in'nercourse an'-"
>She starts making pounding gestures with her hooves.
>AJ: "An' we had... unprotected sex with mah... his penis. Into mah vagina. Which is why HE'S pregnant an' not me."
>Applejack, you are just stupid as hell.
>"Oh! Well, congratulations, Applejack. I'm real happy for you two!"
>She bought it?!
>AJ: "Yeah! Yeah, me too. He's movin' on in to Sweet Apple Acres real soon, you know. Later today, actually!"
>She looks over and gives you a really nervous smile.
>AJ: "R-right, Anawn? Isn't that right? H-honey?"
>Please stop.

>You give Applejack the most deadpan look you can muster.
>Her already-flimsy façade cracks further.
>AJ: "He, uh... he's just feelin' moody from the pregnancy."
"I'm so sick of your shit, Applejack."
>Applejack gives the stupidly-oblivious ponice officer a nervous side-ways glance before looking back to you again.
>AJ: "Ah love you too, honey!"
>You just wanted your coffee. You wanted to wake up in the morning and have your coffee, but Applejack took that life away from you.
>"Well, I'll just leave the two of you alone. Congratulations again!"
>And with that, your saviour departs and closes the door behind her.
>She had one job.
>As soon as the ponice officer closes the door, Applejack rushes you and tugs the hem of your shirt up to around nipple-hight, revealing a flustered-looking Rainbow Dash clinging to you like a drop-bear.
She bites down on Rainbow Dash's tail and tugs. Hard.
>AJ: "Rainbow Dash, get offa thar!"
>The cyan mare falls to the floor with an "oof!"
>Adorably, she gets stuck on her back for a few seconds.
>She kicks her widdle hoofs and you REALLY want to rub her tummy.
>Applejack has different ideas, though.
>She hops up onto her hind legs and braces herself on your stomach.
>AJ: "She didn't touch y'all, did she?"
>Applejack begins to pat you down, but you slap that bitch's hoof away.
"Hey, no, fuck you. You don't get to play the part of the sympathetic mare after the stunt you just pulled."
>Applejack's face twists into a stubborn scowl at your words.
>AJ: "All Ah did was whut any decent mare would do."
"What, lie to the police?!"
>AJ: "No! Ah'm doin' mah duty as a mare tuh preserve yer honour!"
>RD: "What happened?"
>You cut off Applejack before she can answer.
"Applejack and I had sex last night, and she seems to think that she raped me."
>RD: "Why would she think THAT?"
"I found her shit-faced at a bar and I took her home to sober up."
>RD: "...Did you have anything to drink?"
"Yes, but-"
>Applejack chooses this moment to leap up and hug your legs.
>AJ: "Ah'm sorry, Anawn! Ah took away yer most valuable treasure innuh fit of drunken lust, and Ah'm sorry!"
>RD: "You raped him?!"
>AJ: "Ah didn't mean to!"
>RD: "You bitch!"
>Rainbow Dash launches herself at Applejack, but you grab the cyan mare around the waist and hold her to your chest.
"Hey, hey hey! Not in my fucking house!"
>Rainbow Dash just struggles in your grasp, trying to plant her hooves in Applejack's face.
>RD: "And now you want him to live with you? What, so you can rape him more?!"
>Applejack, understandably, takes offence to that remark.
>AJ: "Ah-no! How dare you! Ah wanna marry Anawn so that Ah can make things right 'tween him an' me. Ah don' know how yer mama raised y'all, Rainbow Dash, but where AH come from, we don't jus' leave a stallion high an' dry after a night of love-makin'."
>RD: "Well, I'm not leaving your RAPE VICTIM alone with you for one second!"
>Rainbow Dash crawls back under your shirt and latches onto you like before.
>He head popes out of your collar and she glares at Applejack.
>RD: "Anon's supposed to be pregnant, right? If you want him so badly, then I'm coming too."
>Fuck this morning and everything about it.

"Rainbow Dash?"
>The cyan mare, her head still poking out of your collar, turns to look at you with a proud smile.
>RD: "Yeah, Anon?"
"Get the fuck out of my shirt."
>RD: "No~!"
>She whines and wriggles her head back into your badly-stretched cotton shirt, and rests her head on your shoulder.
>RD: "It's so warm and comfy in here. Besides!"
>Rainbow's snout edges its' way out right by your ear, the rest of her head hidden away.
>RD: "I'm not leaving you alone with your rapist."
>You know what? Whatever.
"It's too early to deal with this."
>With Rainbow Dash still clinging to you, you walkover to your counter and start preparing your morning coffee.
>With a wave, you offer a chair for Applejack to sit in.
>It's human-sized, but she manages well enough once she manages to tuck her tail out of the way.
"How do you take your coffee, Jacks?"
>AJ: "B-black, please."
"Good. All those hours I have to spend making these dumb, complicated coffees at work; I'm glad I don't have to do any of that crap at home."
>Your "pregnant" belly makes it difficult to navigate the tall surfaces of your counters, and more than once you hear a muffled "ow!" from Rainbow Dash when you accidentally bump into something.
"How about you, Rainbow Dash? Black as well?"
>RD: "Y-yeah, black."
>Bullshit.
>You know full well that this mare always orders Iced Peppermint White (imitation) Chocolate Mochas, the most coltish of drinks ordered by those who don't actually LIKE coffee.
>She thinks her little disguise of earmuffs covering her cutie mark and a pair of sunglasses perched on her nose can fool you, but Anonymous is NOPONY'S fool.
"Black it is."
>You pour all three drinks and bring them to the table, ignoring Applejack's mumbled, half-hearted offer to help carry them for you.
>It isn't until you set them all down that you realize that you have no idea how Rainbow Dash is going to drink her coffee.
>It seems that Rainbow Dash has had similar thoughts; when you sit down, she settles in your lap and spins herself around 180 degrees.
>RD: "Anon, could you hold your arms out forwards?"
>You comply.
>Rainbow Dash slips her front legs through your shirt's armholes, leaving her free to grip her mug with both hooves.
>This is just about the cutest thing you've ever seen Dashie do, and you try to resist the urge to lean down and nuzzle her mane.
>Needless to say, you fail to.
>RD: "H-hey! What's the big idea, Anon! Stop that!"
"Stop being so cute, then."
>RD: "I'm NOT cute."
>You may not be able to see her from the front, but you can practically HEAR the scrunchy face she's making.
>How can my baby belly be so cute?

>Applejack doesn't even acknowledge the absurd amounts of cuteness happening in front of her.
>She just sips her coffee and pointedly avoids looking at you.
"So, what's the deal then, Applejack?"
>"Marry me."
>God damn, AJ.
>You really know how to charm a guy.
"That was HARDLY romantic."
>Applejack finally meets your eyes and throws you what is clearly an irritated glare.
>"Dangit, Anawn, nuthin' 'bout this here sit-she-ayshun is romantic. If'fin y'all want me tuh sweep you off yer hooves an' be yer knight in shining armour, then go back tuh yer colt books."
>Harsh.
"Applejack, nothing about this 'sit-she-ayshun' is romantic because all we did was fuck."
>You take a calming sip of your now-lukewarm coffee.
"Don't make this weird."
>This does nothing to improve Applejacks' mood.
>She sits up straight in her seat and slams her two front hooves onto your table.
>"Mah mama taught me better'n just tuh 'fuck' a stallion, Anawn! 'Specially a virgin lahke you! Ah-"
>>"You're a virgin?"
>God FUCKING dammit!
"For FUCK's sake, Rainbow Dash. Not you too!"
>You cradle your head in your hands, the movement forcing Rainbow Dash's hooves up to cup your cheeks.
"Surprise, sur-fucking-prise, Rainbow. I haven't had sex since I got here, and I never screwed a horse back on Earth."
>You aim a glare down at the top of her rainbow-mopped head, but she doesn't see it.
"Yes, I was a pony-virgin until last night."
>All is quiet.
>Applejack is ashamed and has taken to hiding behind her Stetson hat.
>Rainbow Dash has squirmed around so that she's looking you in the eye.
>She looks confused and a bit angry.
>>"She stole your virginity?"
>That's it.
>Fuck this noise.
"Alright, everypony out. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."
>You scoop Applejack up in your arms and hold her out by the armpits.
>Rainbow Dash has already turned herself around and is grappling around your neck.
>>"Wait, me too?!"
"ESPECIALLY you, Rainbow."
>"N-now just hold on a minute, sugarcube! Let's talk about this like adults!"
>You "birth" Rainbow Dash out of the bottom of your stretched, ruined shirt and push her out of your open door along with Applejack.
>Applejack reaches out to you desperately with her hoof just as you start to close the door.
>"C'mere an' be mah horsebando!"
>SLAM 
>Not today, Applejack.
>Not today.
>You are Rainbow Dash.
>This actually went pretty well, all things considered.
>Anon didn't give into peer pressure like most colts would, and he didn't go to Applejack's rape-farm.
>All you had to do was drink some really gross coffee and provide silent moral support.
>You know, show Anon that he can rely on you.
>Trust you.
>Maybe eve-
>"Ah'm not givin' up, Rainbow Dash."
>What?
>Oh right; the rape-farmer.
"What's stopping me from telling everypony that you raped Anon?"
>Applejack hums and haws, and seems to be deciding whether or not to hoof you in the face.
>"Because y'all know me well enough tuh tell that Ah wanna take responsibility for what Ah did. Y'all know Ah'm no monster."
>Buck.
>BUCK.
>She's right.
>But she doesn't KNOW she's right.
>After a long, tense stare-down, you say a few parting words before you spread your cyan wings and fly away.
"Just stay away from Anonymous, Applejack."



>"Here's your order, sir."
>You politely thank the mare and hand over your bits in exchange for a fruit smoothie.
>Banana and strawberry; your favourite.
>It's a beautiful day in Ponyville, and you've decided to spend it in one of the more densely-populated parks.
>After being such a spectacle when you arrived in Equestria, you can't begin to describe how good it feels be given an opportunity to fade into the background.
>All around you, stallions excitedly bounce from stall to stall while their reluctant mares trail behind them with fond exasperation on their faces.
>Foals jump around on the grass excitedly, playing whichever make-believe game that's caught their waning attention for the day.
>Watching the foals play was one thing you were very surprised to find that you enjoyed doing.
>Until somepony mentioned it to you, you had been worried that some passing unicorn would zap you the first time you glanced at any pony-children.

-----------------------------------------

>You are Anon from six months ago.
>It's been a harrowing and emotionally-draining however-many months since you've arrived here in Equestria, but you've survived.
>Twilight told you that you have to find ways to relax in the presence of other ponies and suggested reading a book in the park.
>Since this place is pretty much a crapshoot when it comes to technology, you don't have television or the internet at your disposal.
>Reading is just about the only thing you can do right now to entertain yourself; you don't think you're ready to go any of that pink mare's parties, yet.
>So here you are; passing some time while you read up on Equestrian history.
>A soft cough from beside you grabs your attention.
>It seems that a pony had sat down next to you without you noticing.
>She's a cream-coloured pegasus with a green and pink-streaked mane.
>The only really remarkable thing you can see about her are her freckles, which you haven't really seen on anypony who wasn't an earth pony.
>"Hello, there. You're Anonymous, right? The human?"
"That's me. Anything I can do for you?"
>The mare giggles and smiles at you.
>"My, you're a polite one. My name is Blossomforth."
>She offers her hoof, and you bump it with your own fist.
>That was one of the first things that Twilight taught you.
>It was right after you were nearly assaulted by an over-protective mare who thought you were trying to grapple her stallion.
>You both finish up the customary greetings and each go back to your respective activities.
>"So, what brings you to this park? Watching foals?"
>What?
>Does she think that you're some kind of predator?"
"Oh! Oh, no; not at all. No, I was just reading. See?"
>You shake your book a little bit for emphasis, but Blossomforth's smile doesn't fade."
>"Mhmm."
>Your shoulders slump, and you mentally prepare yourself for what burgeoning reputation you had to plummet.
>"You remind me a lot of my big brother. He was always a Jane-mare, and he used the exact same excuse as you whenever he took me down to the park to play."
>.....Oh.
"He didn't want to be seen watching the foals?"
>Blossomforth just laughs a bit.
>"Not at all. He was always going on and on about how unfair it was that the stallion has to take care of the foals, and I guess he decided that he needed an excuse if he had to look after me."
>She points a hoof at a light-pink filly that was wrestling another filly in the sandbox.
>"See that one right there? She's my daughter."
>She chuckles and nudges your arm playfully.
>"You're lucky you're a colt, Anonymous. If I sat around watching foals all day like you do, I'd have the ponice waiting for me at home."

-------------------------------------------

>Which brings you back to the present; sitting on a park bench and watching the foals play.
>You've managed to meet some very nice ponies on days like today.
>Stallions keeping an eye on their foals are the most common; mares looking for father-material are a close second.
>"Hello, Anonymous!"
>And there's the mare of the hour: Twilight Sparkle, here for your weekly interview.
>Officially, she's here to talk about humans and to turn them into reports for Celestia.
>Unofficially, she's here to enjoy a smoothie with you while you talk about your week.
>Twilight hops up onto your bench, and you hand her her smoothie.
"How's my favourite mare doing?"
>She purrs as you scratch her behind the ears.
>"I don't know; you'll have to ask Applejack yourself."
>You pull your hand back; she's lost ear-scratch privileges.
"You can fuck RIGHT off, Twilight."
>She pokes you on the side of the head with her smoothie, teasing you.
>"I hear wedding bells in the air, Anonymous."
>FUCK.
"Don't even tease me, Twi. You know how Applejack can be."
>"I do. I also know that she won't give up without a fight, Anonymous."
>Her teasing smile is gone for a brief moment, and she gets a surprisingly protective look in her eyes.
>"No, but seriously: if she goes to far, you come to me."
>You just pat her on the head.
"If I ever need protection from a tiny pony that's half my size, you'll be the first to know."
>A few hours of chit-chat later, Twilight leaves to work on some of her experiments.

>"Anawn!"
>Oh, good. It's her.
>"Ah've been looking all o'er fer you."
"No kidding."
>Applejack runs over and hops up on your bench, sitting down a respectable distance away from you.
>"Ah've kept mah distance fer this past week 'cause Ah know that it takes stallions a bit longer tuh make big decisions, and Ah sprung the proposal on you pretty darn suddenly."
"It sure is, Applejack."
>You concentrate on the horsechildren in front of you. Maybe if you ignore her for long enough, she'll go away.
>"Ah... keepin' an eye on them foals, eh Anawn? Makin' sure they don' hurt themselves none? That's mighty fatherly of you"
"Applejack, you're laying it on way too thick."
>The mare in question scrunches up her muzzle and gives you a sideways glance.
>"....Ah don' know what yer talkin' 'bout, Anawn. Ah'm jus' givin' a nice colt a compliment."
>You sigh, because fuck EVERYTHING about this entire situation.
"What do you want, Applejack?"
>Applejack stiffens, and her face scrunches into a slightly irritated glare.
>"Ah'm here tuh tell y'all why marryin' into the Apple Clan would be good fer you."
"No, thank you."
>"Wha-"
>Before she can react, you reach over and heft Applejack into your arms, carrying her on her back.
>"Ah-hey! Stoppit, Anawn! Put me down!"
>Time to take this little filly home.
>You begin to walk in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.
>"Look, Anawn, jus' let me talk! As yer wife, Ah can defend yer honour if somepony is givin' y'all trouble!"
>You reach down and boop her on the nose.
"Quiet time, Jacks."
>"Granny can teach you all types of cookin'. After mah Grandpa passed away, she done swallowed her pride an' took up all the cookin' fer the family, so she-"
"Shhh...."
>You start to slowly rub her tummy, letting the natural up-and-down of your steps lull Applejack to sleep.
>You've done this to Apple Bloom tonnes of times.
>As predicted, Applejack lets out a big yawn, and her eyes begin to droop.
>"But... You'll have a big... a big family to help *YAAAAWWNN* raise our foals.... An'..... An'..."
>And?
>And she's out.
>Applejack cuddles into the warmth of your chest, sleepily nuzzling you.
>Adorable.


-------------------------------
Aug 27
Cut Content
Continued from around the part where Anon serves everyone coffee
-------------------------------


"If it'll make you feel better, Applejack, I can stay with you at the farm."
>You're pretty sure that you can convince her to let this go within a week.
>Two weeks, tops.
>You honestly don't even life too far from her, so it isn't like the commute to work will be terrible.
>And you've always gotten along well with Apple Bloom.
>You know what?
>A trip to Sweet Apple Acres doesn't sound half bad!
>Applejack smiles sadly at you and jumps up on the table for a hug, but freezes.
>AJ: "Uh, is it alright if Ah... touch you? Do Ah have yer permission?"
>You almost forgot about the "rape" thing for a second.
>The way she's acting, you'd think that SHE were the supposed rape victim.
"Yes, Jacks, you have permission to touch me."
>The orange pony reach out to wrap her hooves around your neck....
>Only to be interrupted by a blue hoof smacking her on her nose, followed by an angry hiss coming from your shirt.
>RD: "Don't you try and Stockholm Syndrome this guy! Don't forget that I'll be watching you, Applejack."
>The moment thoroughly ruined, you each go back to your respective coffees.
>You take a good deal of pleasure at listening to Rainbow Dash make noises of disgust as she tries to drink her black coffee.
>AJ: "Yer bags're a lot lighter than Ah thought they'd be, sugarcube. Y'all sure you packed enough fer the farm?"
"I've got enough for a few weeks, Applejack. Don't you worry about me."
>Applejack gives you a slightly suspicious look before throwing your bags onto her back.
>AJ: "Whene'er Big Mac has tuh go anywhere an' stay the night, y'all swear he'd done brought his entire room with'im. Ah'm jus' makin' sure you double-checked yer things."
>You grab your bag off of Applejack's back, much to her chagrin. Undaunted, she simply grabs your OTHER bag in her teeth and, with surprising dexterity, tosses it onto her back.
>You just roll your eyes.
"I have my tooth brush, a few changes of clothes, a couple of pairs of socks, some underwear, some books, and one or two things that Bloomy might like."
>Applejack smiles sweetly at the mention of her sister and lightly nudges your hip, causing you to stumble slightly.
>The sudden movement makes Rainbow Dash grunt in her sleep and tighten her arms around your neck.
>It's the cutest goddamn thing you have EVER seen in Equestria, even when you take into consideration all the adorable things that Apple Bloom does whenever you're around.
>As upset as you are with these mares, you honestly don't have the heart to wake up Rainbow Dash to help you with your bags.
>Applejack, however, disagrees.
>AJ: "Grown mare, hangin' offa stallion like that... T'ain't right."
>You ignore her grumpy ranting in favour of locking your front door behind you.
>You don't live all that far away from Sweet Apple Acres, so you're lucky enough not to get spotted along the way by any other ponies.
>While these tiny horses certainly aren't geniuses, you doubt that you'll somehow come across a pony as dim-witted as that ponice officer from this morning.
>And thank god you didn't cross paths with Twilight, neither. She'd see through your "pregnancy" ruse right away.
>"Anawn! Anawn!"
>You'd recognize that adorable country twang anywhere.
>Your favourite tiny baby horse comes running down along the path, kicking up a giant dust ploom behind her.
>AB: "Yer back!"
>Who's gonna get hugs?! It's THIS filly!
>You open your arms wide when she approaches leaping distance an-oh fuck you're supposed to be preggers.
>You're a human, and being human means being adaptable.
>You side-step Apple Bloom and wince as you watch her eat shit in front of you.
>AB: "Whut the heck, Anawn!"
>Yeah, no, she's okay. She's gotten back up on her feet and now she's glaring at you.
>Her tiny muzzle is all pouty and her giant filly orange eyes are staring you down something fierce.
>Oh lord above she thinks she's intimidating.
>You want to hug this filly forever and ever.
>Snuggle time is later, though. You kneel down to her hight and try to look apologetic.
"Sorry, Bloomy, but I-"
>AB: "How come y'all got so fat, Anawn?"
>Oooooh
>Apple Bloom, you are SO lucky that you aren't dealing with a legitimate, hormonal pregnant lady right now.
"I'm not fat, Apple Bloom. I'm..."
>This feels so weird to say.
"I'm pregnant with a foal."
>Apple Bloom stares at you blankly, her eyes jumping between you and your belly.
>AB: "Yer whut?"
>Oh.
>Welp.
>You risk a glance at Applejack, only to see her facehoofing.
>You manage to hiss at her out of the corner of your mouth, but you're still pretty sure that Apple Bloom can hear you.
"Does she know where babies come from?"
>Applejack sighs and dumps your luggage on the dirt path.
>AJ: "Well, she does NOW."
>AB: "Babies? Y'all mean foals, Anawn? Issat where foals come from?!"
>She's looking down at your Rainbow Dash-filled sweater with a look of awe, confusion, and disgust.
>AB: "Y'all're growin' a foal in yer tummy?!"
"Uh, well... That's right, Bloomy. When a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY very much, they have what's called 'sex'."
>Apple Bloom looks up at you, enraptured, as you give her the long-and-short of reproduction.
>It's a very uncomfortable experience for all of you; Applejack even more so due to her inability to lie to her sister convincingly.
>AB: "So, human colts're the ones who make the foals, right?"
>You just nod, hoping that this Q&A session will be over with.
>AB: "So if yer the mama..."
>Christ, this is weird.
>AB: "...then who's the papa?"
>Her eyes widen in horror.
>AB: "Oh no, Anawn!"
>Suddenly Apple Bloom is trotting around in circles with a terribly worried expression on her face.
>AB: "Y'all got so many bags! Did yer herd kick you out? Issat why yer here?!"
>You try to move on to damage control.
>Partly because you don't like seeing a tiny baby horse in distress, and partly because you don't want to wait for Applejack to blurt out the truth of the matter.
>You take a deep breath to steady your nerves, and hope to high heaven that Rainbow Dash doesn't wake up.
"Applejack's the... papa."
>You were expecting plenty of reactions, but a squeal of delight an a filly launching herself at your face was not one of them.
>AB: "Oh mare oh mare oh mare! Does this mean yer gettin' married?!"
>No.
>AJ: "Yup!"
>Dammit.
>DAMMIT.
"Bloomy, it's compl-"
>Apple Bloom grabs one of your bags and takes off towards the house.
>AB: "Let's git goin', Papa!"
>You nearly fall over from the shock, and you can't seem to make your legs move.
>Applejack gives you the same look she did back at the house, grabs the rest of your luggage, and follows after her sister.
>.....Papa?
>Did Apple Bloomy seriously just call you "Papa"?
>Was she making a pass at your "pregnant" status, or was she hinting at something else?
>You may be somewhat ignorant of these crazy backwards horseland's rules and customs, but you aren't blind.
>This wouldn't be the first time that she called you "papa", but it's the first time she called you that INTENTIONALLY.
>She's had slip-ups in the past, usually when she's half-asleep or not really concentrating on what she's saying to you.
> Applejack catches up with her little sister, and you watch as little Bloomy nuzzles Applejack's barrel.
>It's the highest she can reach.
>You think you're done being pregnant now.
"Rainbow? Rainbow, wake up!"
>You nudge Rainbow Dash with your free hand, but she just starts nuzzling your shoulder with her cold snout.
"Rainbow, c'mon. Lying to the police was fun for a while, but this shit's getting old. Out."
>You boop her on the nose, hard.
>"Mwuh-baah!"
>Rainbow Dash jerks awake and panics, and her wings burst open.
>Presumably to scare away any predators.
>You're left with a shredded shirt, and a terrified birdpone clutching your chest.
>Who knew that pegasi's wing-strength was equal to that of a Canadian Goose's?
>At least pegasi don't hiss at you.
>You fucking HATE Canadian Geese.
>Moody little bitches.
>With a rough shove, Rainbow Dash topples to the ground in a graceless heap.
>"A-Anon! What the buck is wrong with you?! I-oh."
>She's got this sheepish, but slightly aroused look on her face.
>"Did I do that?"
>You don't even bother answering her. You just pick up your remaining bag and walk down the path to the farm.
>You just hope to god that pegasi don't have corkscrew penises too.
>You've had enough of geese to last a lifetime.
>By the time you reach the fields, the whole family is waiting for you.
>Big Mac, Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, and (of course) Applejack herself are all lined up with your luggage piled behind them.
>It occurs to you just now that you never thought up a cover-story for you staying with the Apples.
>The closest thing you got was Applejack insisting that are you for fucking real right now.
>No wonder these ponies look so happy to see you.
>Mother FUCKING Applejack.
>AB: "Anawn! We was wonderin' when y'all would... uh... whar'd yer foal go?"
>GS: "Foal? What in tarnation are y'all talkin' aboot, Apple Bloom?"
>Bam. Easy question.
"Applejack and I were just playing a bit of a prank, is all. I had Rainbow Dash stuffed up under my shirt."
>Granny Smith gives you a strange look, and you stop to wonder if either of the Apple girls bothered to mention your supposed pregnancy to the other two.
>Probably not.
>GS: "Well, Ah'd like ter be the first ter welcome you ter the family, Ahnonymows. Ter be honest..."
>Granny Smith hobbles up to you and get in real close to you.
>GS: "We was startin' ter think Applejack was a dyke, y'hear?"
>You can't help but let out a bark of laughter, which earns you an approving look from Granny Smith.
>Oh, it's going to be such a buzzkill when you have to tell them all that you are not, in fact, engaged to Applejack.
>GS: "But yer good pony, youngin'. S'long as yer two're un'ner muh roof, Ah'll make sure muh grand-daughter keep yer happy."
>That's actually pretty sweet of her.
>GS: "C'mon, y'all. Le's git Ahnon's belongins' up ter Applejack's room."
>Oh, right.
>Married people sleep in the same bed, huh?
>You guess that it would be kind of unreasonable to ask for a separate bed under the circumstances, let alone a separate room.
>Well, now's not the time to be ungrateful, Anon.
>You move in to grab the handle of some of your flower-print luggage when one of Granny Smith's hooves stops you.
>GS: "Ahnon, can Ah talk ter you in private? Jus' o'er here while the other're inside."
"Uh, sure thing."
>Granny Smith just gives you this look that's somewhere between an expectant gaze, and a glare.
"Sure thing, Ma'am."
>This earns you a satisfied nod.
>GS: "Ahnon, Ah wan' ter say firs' thang that Ah know jus' how cushy the city-life is like. Believe it're not, but Ah lived quite a few years in'nuh big city muhself. Ah 'member jus' how easy it was ter earn a livin' wage."
>She looks deep into your eyes.
>You can see the animal inside.
>GS: "But we ain't in'nuh city, and this ain't no fru-fru book-sortin' club we got here."
>What?
>A book sor-
>GS: "Stallion're not, Ah 'spect y'all ter get yer hide out here by the time e'eryone's up'n aboot, y'hear? If'fin yer marryin' mah grand-daughter, then tha' means yer an Apple. An' Apples dang-well EARN their night's rest, alright?"
>She holds your gaze for just a few more seconds to let things sink in, and then she softens a bit.
>GS: "Tha' bein' said, Ah sincerely congratulate y'all and Applejack in yer engagement."
>Oh right.
>That.
>You really don't even know how you're supposed to break that you're not actually getting married to the Apples. 
>GS: "Ah'll make sure tha' mah Applejack will be there ter make you happy, y'hear? She's a good, honest mare, and Ah know she'll try her best ter provide for you."
>She laughs and leads you into the house.
>GS: "Don' matter none if y'all're out there in the fields with her, she'll always try ter provide fer you."


I don't remember why I changed it to the shitshow it is now.